I can’t help thinking of the other implications of the ability to get one’s leg that high. Particularly considering certain preferences that Ruth and I happen to share.
Or, to dust off this old quote: “I’ll be in my bunk.”
Yep. No women players in the CFL at this time. The most easily noticeable differences between Canadian and American football is that the Canadian field is 110 yards long, versus the 100 yard American field, and there are only 3 downs.
It’s a Canadian Fact: Contrary to popular belief, Canadian football actually has four downs, not three – but we always punt on the third down just to be safe.
Probably because “Dina” is a name that originated in a country where they do this thing where each vowel has, more or less one, non-diphthong sound. And in such countries, the sounds [i] and [i:] are thus both represented by the letter i, as opposed to the letter i representing [ai] at mysterious points.
Shit rolls down in the world of Ruthless. Ruth needs to take some femurs and that, sadly, is the cycle of abuse. I say this knowing plenty of people who were able to break it and would never do unto others as they had done unto them. It’s just Ruth may not be that person.
Yeah, it’s a good question. How much of Ruthless was just yelling and how much was actual violence? How much damage did the anger and yelling do? If any? I’d like to think aside from Billie, she was just mean and prone to barking orders to her fellow students.
She did pick people up by their shirts on a pretty regular basis, in addition to ordering them around. And she tossed Joyce’s stuff out the window and slapped a dick onto Mary that one time. And she threw Billie into a chair in front of everyone so they’d know she was entirely willing to beat them up. So there’s that.
In Ruth’s defense, I believe most people probably wouldn’t think of that. (Or would they? How many people are usually hiding under cube chairs at an average college campus?)
I mean, I would assume that somewhere upward of 90% of chairs that are currently upside down have someone hiding under them. And the remaining 10% would not be pushed together, as they would have been sloppily left in place by someone leaving from under them.
Ruth is lashing out in a surge of uncontrolled negative emotions.
Clint was continuing an unending streak of unprovoked cruelty.
Ruth is not that person. What she’s doing here – while a bad thing and hurtful to people around her – is not what Clint did go her. It’s not anywhere close.
I’m referring more to the fact everyone in the hall hates or fears her, particularly Rachel. Pre-Billie, I wonder how much of that reputation was trying to find some sense of power and dignity by taking it out on others. Which is different from taking it out on your GRANDCHILDREN with such calculated psychological torture.
Well, that doesn’t take into account all of the previous bad things she’s done towards people on the hall she’s supposed to be taking care of. Still not as bad as Clint, but there’s definitely a pattern.
Yeah, she’s mistreated people. N
I never said otherwise.
But the only time she came close to doing to someone else what Clint did to her was when she bullied and harassed Billie because of her DUI. She already brings THAT cycle. While there’s been abuse apart from that, none of it was nearly as bad or seemed to come from the same place as the bile that drives Clint.
Ruth was a bully with lots of uncool behaviour, and she shouldn’t be an RA (as Ruth would agree), but she’s nowhere close to Clint’s league of horrible.
Yes, this. Like everything she did was bullying behaviour (mean and people didn’t really like it) but much of it didn’t include specific patterns. Throwing gloves out a window, slapping Mary, and bossing people usually occurred when she was in a bad mood. While she did try to be controlling through threatening people, she never actually went out of her way to control specific people or to make them so fearful that they couldn’t fight back, and she never really tried to make other people behave in ways that were beneficial to her past attending the meetings, which was a reasonable demand as an RA.
Ruth is definitely someone that can be mean and harmful to other people, but I wouldn’t say she is abusive because she doesn’t have the sense of entitlement that drives abusers, she doesn’t act in a very calculated manner and again, much of her behaviour doesn’t have patterns, it is driven more by her current emotions more than actual thoughts in how she can use those emotions to control or harm others.
I think one of the things people are failing to put together here is that Ruth was forced into a position of authority, against her will no less, for some kind of grand plan that made her continued existence a more convenient burden for her abuser.
The same abuser who was, most likely, her sole influence upon her perception of how an effective authority figure behaves, and maintains control.
The same abuser who, if she does not maintain control of the authority that has been forced upon her to his satisfaction, will unleash fresh hell on her helpless brother as punishment.
Not only does Ruth have no other good example of how she could adequately achieve the goal that she’s been essentially blackmailed to achieve, but this is the methodology she’s intimately familiar with, and she knows first-hand how effective it is. Blaming her for acting the way she does, to me, is extremely unfair. I’d do a lot worse than bully, threaten, and shout down my subordinates in her situation, and I don’t even come from quite the same kind of utterly toxic and abusive background that has left her so damaged and lacking in other skill-sets to perform the task that, once again, has been forced upon her.
And yet, the effects on those around her are the same, regardless of how much we can empathize with her reasons.
What saves Ruth, in my mind, is that she can still change. Has been changing in fact. Before today, when was the last time she really did any bullying?
This is a relapse, under extreme pressure and can be excused, but she definitely needs to develop alternate ways of coping. Therapy will hopefully help, but I think she’s already been changing. Probably thanks to Billie (all the problems with codependent alcoholism aside.)
I think one of her really redeeming moments is when she apologized to the whole hall, especially because she said she had done a bad job and the students deserved better. Because, well, she was willing to take responsibility for her shitty behavior (though I would say she had started to mellow out a bit over the comics). Like, the fact she realized what she did was harmful and was fully ready for the consequences was huge. And then, Clint and Chloe took away those consequences, which she actually wanted and still wants. In a way, she feels as robbed of justice as Rachel. There’s also the fact that she legitimately did care about her charges. She was willing to help Dorothy with the break up with Danny, and not being able to keep Carla safe from Mary was devastating for her. Ruth was unprepared, unequipped, and unmotivated for the job, but she still tried to do it the only way she knew how: “Let them hate me, so long as they fear me.” She wanted to keep the students safe from each other, and if that meant being a tyrant she was going to be a tyrant. And she realized that those actions both did not work and were actively harmful. And she apologizes. She feels guilty. And going forward, she’ll most likely do a better job, if (and this is a big if) Clint doesn’t pull another move like he just did. If she keeps taking her medication, keeps going to therapy, and tries to find a better coping habit, she could become a good RA. She didn’t want this second chance, but it’s been placed on her and I’m willing to bet Ruth would rather be damned than let Clint win at this point. Succeeding in order to spite Clint and save her brother could also be a good energizer for her. I know the only reason I completed all of my schooling was solely to spite my father by making it so my family and I would never have to rely on him again. Ruth can do the same. If she is given the proper help.
My personal take is there’s a difference between an abuser and abusive behavior. An abuser purposefully abuses to control or for personal gain, they know what they’re doing and cannot or will not change. A person with abusive behavior may not know they are being abusive, may have never learned a better way, or may not even know a better way exists. A person with abusive behavior can change with the right tools and likely will do so. Ruth is abusive not an abuser, she’s not like Clint, BUT that doesn’t make her behavior any less abusive and harmful.
She can’t go back to her room. Dina’s throwing a wild party with drinking and loud music. The cops have been called several times. Snoop Dogg just showed up. Shit’s cray-cray.
When asked for comment, Dina stated: “We intend to party like it is 9000099 B.C.E., woo!”, before being dragged into the crowd by an unidentified redhead.
So it IS her. You don’t magically stop being responsible for how you treat others because you’re upset even if you have a super good reason for being upset. Ruth is being a dink here and its pretty clear that taking out her frustrations on others is a consistent problem in her behaviour.
Should have opened with a safer question. Maybe try, “You want to get some coffee sometime?” “Would you like me to drive you to the gun store?” “Do you want to build a snowman?”
Now I have an image in my mind of Maverick1984’s face liquifying and slowly sliding off, until it falls to the floor, revealing a bleached-white skull and two bloodshot eyeballs quivering in their sockets.
Did anyone else notice that Amber’s antenna wire thingy wasn’t visible until after the chair was kicked, but it should have been visible before the kick?
If Ambers antenna was wedged between the top corners of the two chairs (to keep it in a roughly vertical position to maximise signal strength) then it would not necessarily be visible from the outside. Thus when Ruth flipped the chair, friction would cause it to fall in the direction of the flipped chair leaving the antenna on the ground in the position we see it in now.
Why is it, though, that Amber could be in her little hideout with a smartphone and still be getting good coverage, but a Nintendo DS or whatever — which probably uses similar technology to connect to its network — requires an external antenna like the old-time CB radios or walkie-talkies?
Honestly I’d rather she just get mad and lash out at inanimate objects then just shut down. I’m not saying acting out like this is healthy but I think her expressing that he pissed her off is better than what could have happened.
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks
You’d better run, better run, out run my gun
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks
You’d better run, better run, faster than my bullet…
The whole point is that she can’t. That taking out anger on Clint would just make things even worse – especially for Howard. That’s the trap.
And of course this outburst just proves she’s a worthless piece of shit who’s better off dead because she can’t help any one just hurt people who don’t deserve it so she might as well just crawl back into the bottle and die.
Luckily she had Billie, who will probably crawl into the bottle with her, but won’t let her die.
God, poor Amber. Today’s been a little rough for her.
I know this day has been infinitely worse for Ruth (I hope she gets a long hug from Billie soon), but the sight of Amber raising her 3DS AGAIN like a shield tugs too immediately on my heartstrings.
What of all the Ruth/Sir interaction does Asma know? She seems a good observer and i hope her concern for Ruth doesn’t get lost with Ruth’s acting out.
Despite how sucky this is for all involved, I like how this means that all of the stuff with the chairs before probably happened with Asma watching from off panel
How to isolate yourself and burn bridges 101. This page is relevant because I just had a day at work where someone was an asshole to me and I had done nothing to them whatsoever. Couldn’t even finish my sentence and out came the horseshit. You know on TV when people say words and person just gets so upset? Unnecessary rudeness is becoming that trigger for me. But I say nothing because client and I must keep my job.
So apropos of nothing. Does anyone have a good list of LGBT-focused non-profits in Ohio, particularly ones focused on transgender youth? I’m trying to put together a mailing list for some friends of mine who are running a summer camp for trans kids and teens
Asma next strip: “Screw this shit. I’m outta here. I’m going to see if Shattered Starlight has an opening. At least over there I’ll just have to worry about Farrah and an alien invasion.”
Hey kids, just wanna let you know that if your powerful connected abuser makes the crucial mistake of leaving a witness, you jump on that like a cat on a bug. The chances that somebody will believe you will go way up, and that can take you places.
(Kicking furniture is optional.)
That’s only once you get over the stage of feeling horribly humiliated by someone else witnessing it and fully internalize that none of this is your fault nor reflects badly on you in any way.
I think Ruth’s issue isn’t that she’s emotionally trapped so much as that she’s _actually_ trapped, she can’t afford to lose the financial support or his help raising her brother so telling him to fuck off is legitimately not an option for actual practical reasons.
Questions of how best to separate herself are somewhat moot until she is in a situation where separating herself isn’t physically harmful to her.
She might be okay losing financial support, but so long as Howard is legally under Sir’s care, Sir can hold Howard hostage.
Its not moot point because unless she starts asking what she can do to create that situation it might never just happen. She needs financial freedom and a safe Howard.
How to pursue this, does she break off now Gramps and let Howard deal with Sir’s reaction, and start adulating now? Does she pursue emancipation for or custady of Howard now? Does she focus on creating financial freedom for the next two years while Howards legal situation takes care of itself so he is prepared to make a clean break on Howards birthday?
Panel 1: Oof. Like that dead thousand yard stare after receiving such a toxic blast of twisted awfulness designed to prey on every one of her worst fears and internalized self-hatreds after seeing her making such critical strides in recovery is heart-breaking.
I mean, that’s what abusers do, they take all that you’ve built and reset it back to zero until you’re spending more energy recovering from or preparing for their next assault than you are living your life.
And “sir” is very very good at this type of psychological torture.
And Asma, like, Asma is just a kid. She’s been on the periphery of abusive parents before but witnessing something like this, in the flesh, for what might be the first time? It’s hard and you absolutely don’t know what to do.
Panel 2: And this is a good instinct on Asma’s part. Reaching out to the person you saw abused, letting them know that this wasn’t normal, that you saw that, that you know it was fucked up.
But sometimes that doesn’t work out. And for Ruth, well, she’s got a lot here. Like, she’s got a bit of a hangup for being vulnerable and having that seen and we just saw the reason why. Because any vulnerability she shows just becomes a weapon that “sir” will use to hit her where it really hurts.
And when she’s really down low, the only emotion she can access is anger and it feels better for her to feel something than the cold deadness of feeling nothing at all.
Not to mention that well, she’s just been repeatedly publicly humiliated by a man who made a huge production of how much he has trapped her and how much complete control over her life he has even after she jumped through hoop after hoop for him.
She’s pissed and lashing out at any around and Asma was unlucky enough to be the one nearby and so gets the full force of that.
Panel 3: And of course Asma takes it hard and it’s understandable. Like, she definitely did not deserve that outburst and probably has some previous experience dealing with Ruth to make her less than enamored with her yelling persona.
Plus, well, outbursts like that lashing out at folks is not a privilege she is overly allowed as a woman of color and especially as a muslim woman in Trump’s America. And it feels telling that she doesn’t feel she can even say anything in response to it all even though her expressive face betrays the strong emotions she is feeling.
Just to slightly add on about panel 2… Ruth is simultaneously shielding so hard and retreating into herself, but also very raw. She has figurative road rash, and even the gentlest ‘touch’ is gonna hurt and she’s gonna jerk away from it, and the fact that she lashes in the process is… Obviously not great, and obviously not fair to Asma who only wanted to help, but at least understandable, and likely forgiveable IF Ruth turns around and apologizes. Which I give about 50/50 after she apologizes to Amber.
Panel 4: And just like before, Ruth, trapped, full of rage, tries to take it out on an inanimate object because well, better that than people and there is a lot of rage to process here thanks to “sir’s” violent cruelty.
Panel 5: And poor Amber, her safe cocoon invaded violently by an angry stranger. That’s something that’s definitely primed to trigger some nasty flashbacks and we see that in that meek attempt to shield herself with her 3DS as Schpoonman noted and those eyes definitely look terrified on her part.
But I’m also impressed by Ruth. The second she realizes that someone was under the thing she tried to vent her frustration on and that she nearly might have hurt someone and definitely terrified the resident who can most understand what she’s going through, she seems horrified and apologetic with the whole body posture changing and the anger dissipating.
I think it really shook her, because I doubt Ruth is immune to the messages so many abused folks get that they are somehow “doomed” to become their abusers, to carry that violence downwards to those with less power in the bad coping strategies carefully taught to them.
And I think this feels closer than she is at all comfortable getting and I think what we’re going to see next is some positive motion from Ruth as she tries to develop a healthy coping strategy to what she just had to deal with.
Panel 6: And hopefully that’ll include apologizing for snapping at Asma. Like, that shouldn’t be required of Ruth, but it’d be nice anyways.
@Cerberus: …hopefully that’ll include apologizing for snapping at Asma. Like, that shouldn’t be required of Ruth, but it’d be nice anyways.
If she can turn from “F**K THIS CHAIR IN PARTICULAR” to “Oh no, a scared little nerdling, I’m so sorry!” in less than one second, an apology to the kind desk clerk seems slightly more likely on Ruth’s part.
I feel sorry for everyone in this strip. Asma is trying to help and getting yelled at (and she’s probably harassed on a daily basis because of the hijab, so this is just icing on the cake), Ruth’s in lash-out mode and just realized in an “Oh my God what did I do” moment that she almost hurt Amber, and Amber probably heard everything, is having flashbacks to Blaine, and just trying to hide as a result.
Yeah, everyone is hurting so much in this strip and yeah, in context, the Asma bits are rough, because she is a muslim woman in Indiana during the era of Trump and that means constant harassment, threats of violence, and always having to be on one’s best behavior because of all the white folks looking for an excuse to confirm their biases that muslim individuals are inherently violent and dangerous.
Like, that Panel 3 is rough cause you can tell she wants to go “fuck you” back, but knows that it will go very poorly for her if she did and so bites her tongue.
Hm. I was reading Asma as having sympathy for Ruth through the whole strip.
Her sad expressions in panel 3 and 6 could be “Wow, Ruth is hurting” and “Wow, Ruth is REALLY hurting.” Because otherwise, why would she be more upset in panel 6 than panel 3?
You said Asma is just a kid. I just reviewed all the Asma-tagged strips, and… well… I don’t see that. She, a short woman of color in a hijab, had no hesitation going up to a tall white man with blood on his face who was known to be (at least) trespassing, and telling him that he needed to leave the building. I don’t even say “facing him down” because she brought so much authority to the interaction that he didn’t even try to give her attitude. (Granted, he’d already been somewhat defused by Billie.)
She’s also apparently in charge of giving warnings to alcoholics, and is not shy about doing it above and beyond the call of duty (she mentions it again to Billie in the Blaine interaction). And she doesn’t hesitate to point out that Walky doesn’t know her name when he expects her to know his – and then hands him his box with the “this side up” arrow upside-down.
So I suspect that Asma, like Becky, is someone who’s been made stronger by everything that didn’t kill them. And working in the mailroom which is open to the lobby, she probably knows where a lot of bodies are buried. I think the panel-6 scowl is probably mostly for Clint… and Puddinghead. And it wouldn’t surprise me if she acted on it.
On a separate topic, I notice that Ruth’s green eyes come back in panel 2, while she’s yelling at Asma. Seems like being angry/aggressive toward people really does make her feel better. Maybe restoring some sense of power. I’m not pushing the “She’s destined to repeat the abuse” narrative; I’m just noting that mistreating people actually seems to be good for her immediate mental state.
Half the time I think that Asma is older but I’m terrible at keeping up with all these characters.
That said, I think that any strong emotion is enough to jump-start Ruth again, as she’s basically feeling the heck out of those emotions. Too bad she tends to default to anger.
Like, yeah, you’re right, there’s no reason for her to be more perturbed and seemingly upset in the last panel than the third panel, so that last exasperated and upset look is probably to the whole fucked up scenario and the pain on display and those she knows caused it (because she’d also recognize Amber’s dad as abusive, because she was the one who was asked to detain him before he dashed off).
The Panel 3 still feels like a moment of “what the hell?” (which would be a natural reaction, especially for a kid who doesn’t have a long history of interacting with folks who’ve been abused), but you might be right that it’s more a “holy fuck I just stepped into a land mine of pain there”.
@Chris, that’s an interesting point about the green eyes. But the aggression only seems to work within a certain threshold. When she realizes she’s kicked open Amber’s safe space, they revert to black.
This. Speaking as someone who grew up in an environment of abuse it took me a long time to understand that cascade effect, where it all just runs downhill because everyone involved is looking for someone else to lash out at. This felt like a painfully accurate portrayal.
It overlaps with the “you grow up to be your parents” theme that’s also running through the comic so far, where the characters have to notice that their parents are flawed, that they share those flaws, and decide whether to lean into them or fight it.
The really obvious ones are Ruth sharing her grandfather’s abusive nature in its entirety and Amber having her father’s flashes of rage, but it’s popped up more subtly other place, with Joyce probably having the best understanding that she has her mother’s tendency to be judgemental and actively fighting it by emulating her father instead, Becky’s impulsiveness being lampshaded when her father is impulsive in an almost identical fashion (and it’s a disaster, and Becky learns noting from it, which does not foreshadow good things for her subplot).
Basically cycle of abuse is a smaller part of a broader theme, there’s sort of a cycle of _everything_ going on here.
I’m really not seeing that as a theme. There’s definitely lots of “fear of becoming your parents” going around, and plenty of time spent comparing who parents want their kids to become with who their kids want to become, but never is the myth that you will become your parents perpetuated.
Kids share traits with their parents, obviously. They pick up social behaviors from their upbringing, sometimes even when they know early on that their parents are terrible role models. It’s harder to learn good habits and behaviors when you only have awful ones demonstrated up close.
But while they HAVE each shown bad behaviors because of their upbringing, they are not their parents, and for each that has already become more true over time. Joyce is not Carol. Amber is not Blaine. And Ruth is NOT Clint.
And “impulsiveness” was not Ross’s problem. He is a raging asshole who cared more about the demands of his cruel, hateful god than the well-being of his own family. I’m pretty sure Becky never shared that attribute with him.
There’s a strong argument to be made that Toedad’s problem was that he was the opposite of impulsive. Once he got an idea in his head of the “right” course of action, nothing and no one could dissuade him from that because to admit flaw is to be influenced by the devil.
Like, we saw that in the kidnapping where he nearly gave in to his conscience that he was doing something awful, but he’d already made up his mind about how that was supposed to go, so he wasn’t going to stop until that came to pass.
UM I’M SO HERE FOR THE TWO GIRLS WHO DEAL WITH THEIR RAGE AND TRAUMA BY LASHING OUT PHYSICALLY HAVING TO DEAL WITH EACH OTHER IN THE MIDST OF THEIR TRAUMA AND RAGE
I think Sal would sooner throw her therapist out a window, benefit or no. Not that you should suggest therapy would benefit her unless you want, at best, incredible snark.
therapy is definitely the kind of thing where you have to go in knowing what you want to get out of it and being willing to cooperate and open up. if you dont have those things it won’t do anything for you
BBCC- Hmm, given the parents she had, I’m going to guess either mandatory anger management that didn’t allow her space to honestly process what was making her pissed off in society, a “let’s make you normal and happy” therapist that prioritized normative responses to things she felt were great injustices, or maybe a “I’m not really listening because I’ve been in the field for years and so I understand your deal better than you could ever tell me and my baggage says you’re dealing with X” type.
Considering Sal apparently had a LOT of therapists, I’m willing to bet all of those plus a couple other awful flavours (ex. conflicting or contradictory diagnoses between different ones, focusing exclusively on what her parents or the court said the problem was, treating her like a problem or a puzzle to be fixed, treating her like an experiment, focusing on their pet issue/treatment, and simply just not being very nice to her).
The version I got in high school was “let’s make you less difficult for your poor parents.” It was really toxic. Therapy fundamentally isn’t effective if you view your patient as a problem to be solved for the benefit of someone else. Thankfully, I eventually got better therapy.
there’s also the “you WILL do this my way or else you don’t really want to get better and are CHOOSING to fail on purpose and I will shame you and deny you any further help”.
…at least, that’s what I was scared of when I met my current therapist (so glad I was able to tell her that and she reassured me she’d never do that). My memories of high school shit are too blurry to be sure what really happened or who I got those fears from.
yeah most of what i’ve heard about kids forced into therapy has…not always been so great
i can definitely personally attest to the benefits of choosing to go to therapy as an adult though because if you really dislike your therapist you can just. walk out the door, give them the boot, and hit the road, jack.
Mantis is goddamn precious. Yelling at her would be like yelling at a fucking rainbow. It doesn’t make any sense! Especially if this is MCU!Mantis (who has the same empathy powers – once she gets some socialization, I can easily see her making a good therapist).
Something tells me that Asma is going to give Ruth a long, hard talking to; a talk that will involve far too many personal flaws and stupid compromises of what she knows is right for Ruth’s peace of mind. That doesn’t mean that she won’t benefit from listening but it will still be a tough thing to which to listen.
First, though, I think that Ruth is going to have to apologise to Amber and Sal for interrupting their Mario Kart date.
Yeah, that wouldn’t really be healthy or useful. Honestly, her current approach is the right one. Feel your feelings but let the person do their thing because they’re in a bad headspace and won’t really be in a place to listen to anyone until they’re not.
Honestly, given the steps Ruth has been taking, I would not be surprised if she apologizes to both Amber and Asma for lashing out at some point, whether she allows herself to open up more to Asma or not.
ugh like with asma it’s tough because on the one hand: she shouldn’t have to take this shit, she was just a bystander, she doesn’t deserve to have ruth snap at her
but on the other hand: ruth doesn’t deserve any of what clint just dished out and she doesn’t have to be pleasant about it
but on the other other hand: asma doesn’t have to be pleasant about ruth telling her to shut up, either
i feel like ruth chose her pride over her pain just there. i mean. anger too, anger is how it came out, but pride over pain. which – i feel like there’s some connection there between pride and integrity but i’m not really sure what
i kind of feel like the Right Thing to Do or w/e is just – to take a breather, let what ruth said go, and then, like, offer something that ruth can use. but like i mean there’s not really any way to cope with something like that
The right thing to do is hold Ruth responsible because this isn’t an isolated incident of her lashing out at the people around her it’s a thing she does all the damn time to basically anyone who happens to be nearby. She has assaulted her charges because of this kind of lashing out and someone needs to sit her down and tell her it is 0% okay and she needs to find a healthier way to handle her feelings.
Yes she does. It’s called therapy and she’s started it.
Right now, she needs someone who can get inside her defenses to support her, which pretty much means Billie. Get her through this crisis so that she can get back to working on her long term problems. Which she’s doing.
She does not need someone to sit her down and lecture her about how she’s horrible. Not right now. Probably not ever. She’s got a mini-Clint in the back of her head doing that all the time.
Hey, I know. Maybe Asma could report this and get Ruth fired. That would help. (I mean seriously, it actually would. Except that it would drag Clint back here to “fix” things again and be even worse to her, so no, I guess it wouldn’t.)
I mean, I think there’s validity in also pointing out that Ruth is responsible for her behaviour regardless of the circumstances. Ruth can’t get away with inappropriate behaviour under threat of Clint. I’m going to be worse off if I don’t find a job but that doesn’t entitle me to one.
Amazi-Girl runs on the thin veneer of acceptability as long as she beats up hooligans and ne’erdowells with no personality. Then she yelled at Danny and beat up a guy who was crying for her to stop and suddenly nobody likes her anymore.
Well, since life is an inalienable right and our current society requires you to have a job to live, I disagree; I think you are entitled to a job.
But I also don’t think thejeff is arguing that Ruth isn’t responsible for her actions. There’s a difference between saying someone’s not responsible for their actions and saying that being lectured about what a bad person she is wouldn’t help. There’s a lot of middle ground between “Ruth can do no wrong” and “Ruth needs to be told she’s a shitty person”. I think thejeff’s argument is that Ruth already knows she’s shitty, and that specifically telling her that would not be constructive, not that Ruth’s behavior doesn’t need to change.
It seems like there’s a lot of people talking past each other today. People feeling bad for Ruth doesn’t automatically equal those people thinking Ruth is absolved of all wrongdoing and no longer needs to work on her behavior.
I mean, I don’t think Emily’s point, or the point of anyone who criticizes Ruth (or Amber for that matter, since she gets a lot of the same), is that they need to be beaten with how shitty they are until they stop.
Ruth needs to stop kicking shit over and yelling at people and being a dick to her charges. It should be possible to say that without, like, implicitly also stating that Ruth is awful garbage and saying that doesn’t invalidate that she’s a wounded kid who needs help.
Though on a tangential note I think it would be nice if we could think about why we only ever finger wag about expressions of anger when it comes to Amber and Ruth, the two characters in the comic who suffered an extended period of mental abuse and trauma and now have poor coping skills relating to anger.
For starters, I think there’s a misreading of the “explanation not an excuse” truism to mean that the explanation isn’t a mitigating factor, combined with an expectation of faster change in a comic strip that could take a year to cover a week. Seriously, we’re already three months into this day. Ruth’s hospitalization may feel really distant to us, but for her, it *just* happened. And she got home expecting to be relieved of the job she didn’t want, only to be coerced into resuming her stressful employment and also endure a big helping of emotional abuse. All this in less than twelve hours. So she’s having a shitty day and she’s losing her cool in the short term. We’re watching it unfold over months.
Other factors are relevant too, such as a societal tendency to judge women more harshly for their anger. But in the case of this strip, I think the timescale may be a prominent factor.
A huge part of it is also that abuse victims have unfair expectations put on them to never express anger about anything, because to do so is giving into their natural abusive instinct.
black and white thinking! that’s what’s going on. the false dichotomy of “Ruth can do no wrong” vs “Ruth needs to be told she’s a shitty person”, and “explanation not an excuse” and so on.
there are options in the middle 🙂 but humans have an unfortunate tendency to bring an “either you’re with us or you’re against us” mindset into so many things. :/
I thing it’s the still lingering stigma in American society about being mentally ill, and the unhealthy cultural attitude of “You got hurt so what? Walk it off you big baby!” that exists in American society. Which have kinda been around since the first colonists arrived. There’s also the common conception that’s only resentful been changing that responding to pain with sorrow and crying is appropriate for women but responding with anger isn’t and the reverse being to for men. There’s a lot of unconscious social baggage.
Yeah I guess hurting Ruth’s feelings by holding her responsible for her actions is worse than her consistently hurting the people around her no matter how unrelated they are to the source of her frustrations.
I think that a month or so ago comic time someone holding her responsible would have been a good idea. Right now, she’s just gotten out of hospital on suicide watch, she’s started therapy, she’s been forced back into the job that was killing her and she’s just had an awful confrontation with her abuser.
This is not the moment to confront her.
Especially when that last panel gives at least a hint that she’s already cutting herself back.
At this point in her life, the therapy is going to be far more effective at changing her behavior than any other attempt to hold her responsible. If you could get her out of the position where she has authority over those she’s hurt, that would be great – and she would agree with that, but Clint has killed that plan.
i mean: like: i think it’s pretty clear that ruth needs a healthier way to manage her feelings, and most of what is being done by the school is to help her do that. they got her on medication. they have her seeing a therapist. those are the appropriate routes to learning how to manage emotion.
asma as a bystander is not the appropriate route to learning how to manage those emotions, because 1) she is not a professional and 2) she is just one person. she is not responsible for anybody’s emotions or actions but her own. she cannot be responsible for ruth’s management of her emotions.
there is a level of which being that direct can be really harmful and in some ways deplete someone’s ability to handle their emotions. like. yes. if someone is out of line, pull them aside and say so. but pulling them aside and saying so makes a big deal out of something that could be dealt with a lot more subtly and gracefully, and with more consideration for everybody’s feelings. and that is the kind of invisible emotional labor that makes everyone’s lives run more smoothly.
honestly? asma could hold ruth accountable by just. not liking her anymore. or being slightly abrasive in the future to her. or doing what rachel did, and being explicitly unhappy with her. there are a lot of things that you can do to express a viewpoint.
but there aren’t a lot of things that are the kind or generous or perceptive thing to do. and i think that recognizing that this isn’t who Ruth is is all three of them, and that offering her help is the best way to get her onto another route.
Ok, Ruth, now say:” I’m incredibly sorry, I didn’t know you were under the chair and though it it was safe to vent on it. I didn’t want to shout at Asma again, who hasn’t done anything to deserve it anyway.”
Anger is energy. Part of depression (or at least a flavor of it) is using all your other energy to keep the anger down. So, yeah, I’d rather have Ruth venting on unoccupied chairs than going back into depression. The problem is, with Ruth’s reputation, even venting at unoccupied chairs will be read as a threat by some and not as a try to keep sane in an insane situation.
Poor Amber. I wonder if she really heard “Sir”‘s threats or was so busy with playing that the attack on her chair came totally out of the blue.
Or, if she’s able to be a little more open: “Oh no, Amber I’m sorry. It was my granddad.” and then Amber’s like “Why does it always have to be dads” and they bond.
Two girls with rage problems, extremely shitty male relatives and little brothers… well Howard beats Amber’s little bro without even trying.
I know it would look bad on her resume but I’d love to see Amazigirl going all Bane on Clint.
Welp that’s Ruth realizing there were witnesses to what, in her eyes, is an intense public humiliation.
It’s just so, so fucked up the way these things make you feel shame and embarrassment even though you’re very much not the one making an ass of yourself in the eyes of onlookers.
And oooh I bet Ruth remembers the shit dad she had thrown out of the building :>
(I hope Asma doesn’t hold this reaction against Ruth… then again if she hadn’t encountered shit like that in close quarters she wouldn’t know not to)
Yeah, the way our society sees it as more shameful to receive abuse than to give abuse is pretty fucked. And yeah, it gets internalized in things like this.
It’s cool to get mad at someone being a dick. But if you see someone go through what Ruth just went through and you give her the stink eye for telling you to shut up when you talk to her then you’re the asshole.
okay i think you’re really going overboard there bc giving someone the stink eye when they yell at you to shut up after you reach out to them is justified even if you understand why they did that >_> and if Asma is new to the whole ‘interacting with a victim of abuse’ thing, she’s quite likely to not understand why
But also there’s the version that the stink-eye was actually aimed at Sir Grandpa for doing that to Ruth, so, y’know, there’s that.
Gotta agree. Especially because Ruth didn’t only tell her to just “shut it” but added that second phrase that I’d personally would also find very insulting. Even if it’s essential part of how she treats or talks to people normally, if you just want to ask someone whether they’re okay and they not only tell you to shut up but also to “shut yer ass” I’d think most people would at least give them such a look as displayed above. Because it’s REALLY frustrating to not be the cause of someone’s anger but get this anger taken out on you via insults (can be pretty harmful too, depending on the kind of insults).
There’s also the simple fact that when you get shut down like that, it can hurt, it can feel frustrating. Like, just as a natural emotional reaction.
Like, you can know it is wrong to express that because the person who lashed out is going through an immensely awful time and didn’t really mean anything but that they want to be alone in shutting it down. But you still have the feelings nonetheless.
And I think Asma does the right thing here. She tries to check in, that gets shut down and she gets lashed out at and feels a negative emotion in response to that, but she doesn’t push that on to the person hurting and raging and not able to receive that support right now. She just sort of quietly feels her emotion instead.
And honestly, that’s a hard lesson to learn as a new adult.
Very true and very well said.
It can be very difficult to not simply act upon those feelings of frustration and mirror the anger or behaviour (being shouted at – to not shout back).
Even if she’s had some training Asma can’t possibly know she’s dealing with abuse from one instance of family members getting angry and yelling at each other. There is such a thing as catching people at a low point, which is different form the continuing pattern that abuse is made of.
Also, let’s be honest, like all right-thinking people she probably doesn’t like Ruth because she _can_ confirm that Ruth is an abusive asshole from a long-running pattern of behavior. That’s likely reducing her capacity to feel bad about the RA getting what is superficially a much milder version of what she so freely dishes out all the time.
That’s kind of the thing about being a colossal jerk who abuses your position of authority– when you have real problems none of the people you weren’t there for when you were taking a paycheck to supposedly help with their problems are probably not going to react with immediate sympathy and offers of comfort.
“Asma can’t possibly know she’s dealing with abuse from one instance of family members getting angry and yelling at each other.”
From yesterday’s comic:
“Ruth. Do not disappoint me again. Next time, I will not be so diplomatic. I won’t tiptoe around facts such as this girl being a drunk driver. And that your actions disgrace your dead mother and your degenerate father. Next time, I will remember how little you apparently cared for them after all.”
I would appreciate your explanations for this phrase that DON’T involve a serious, terrifying amount of emotional manipulation and abuse, of the kind that Asma CLEARLY recognizes, judging by her response here.
By which I mean, to quote Will Riker, “No you CAN’T, don’t even TRY.”
I get that in your background you had to deal with situations of abuse that weren’t clear-cut, but the rest of us have been saying for WEEKS how obvious it is from every comic that he’s an abuser. People have been meticulously noting down every single way that he’s raised red flags in every interaction on-panel, just to be told over and over again that we’re jumping to conclusions. And now you’ve come along to tell us that it’s impossible to recognize exactly the signs that dozens of commenters have recognized, that you just can’t KNOW someone is abusive unless you’ve observed long enough to establish that it really is a pattern, and not just “someone saying emotionally devastating things to someone in their care because they’ve had one bad day.”
Someone saying THAT. Someone saying THOSE THINGS. Does not require additional verification. Asma at least has enough information to say “Holy shit, that is an impossibly fucked up thing to say to another human being, no matter what I personally think of Ruth.” There is no way to get around this one. That was very clearly not only intended to be the most damaging thing he could say, but also a very clear and unsubtle threat.
Besides what 3-I said, it’s also worth noting that Asma was present for the entire conversation. The entire conversation where Ruth’s only words were “Sir,” “Yes Sir,” “Ciaran,” and a mumble under her breath. That is not ‘family members yelling at each other’, that is grandpa fucking tearing into an almost entirely passive Ruth from start to finish.
Yeah, understanding what Ruth’s feeling doesn’t mean she has to put up with being treated like that.
Asma has feelings too. If we can forgive for Ruth lashing out because of the nasty way Clint was just treating her, then it’s hypocritical to blame Asma for being upset at Ruth for being a jerk to her.
Yup, feelings are feelings. They are going to exist one way or another and trying to suppress even feeling them that tends not to work out in the long run.
Is that how you read those expressions? I read them as some mix of frustrated, displeased, puzzled, and determined, but in no way glowering at Ruth herself.
Sometimes, I wonder what it’s like to have one’s head so far up one’s own ass. I bet it’s like touching the mind of some ancient, deep being, influencing you from within the halls of its lost city.
No. Making a disapproving face at someone who snaps at you for no valid reason, right as you’re trying to make sure they’re okay, does not make you the asshole in that situation.
Ohh….that’s two personalities meeting up, especially if you think about how Amber got provoked by her father back then to burst out in anger in much similar ways (though I know, it’s more complicated than that).
The thing is, this is pretty much exactly how Ruth reacted when Billie stepped in when Clint was threatening her after Chloe gave her the RA job back. Ruth’s look of horror when she finds Amber under the chair is partly “oh my god, there was a PERSON in there,” and partly “oh my god, I KEEP DOING THIS,” IMO.
Yeah, that’s a good point that this is probably both emotions at the same time and it’s probably a habit she desperately wants to break.
So to a) nearly hurt someone, someone who she knows has been abused like her and for whome she has really tried to reach out (for all the spoons she had at the time to do so) and b) repeat the action she worried was the thing that she worried scared off Billie at a time she needed her the most ( http://www.dumbingofage.com/2017/comic/book-7/03-the-thing-i-was-before/hotwater/ ). That can’t feel good and I worry that she’ll turn this into a self-cudgel as she’s going to be in a strong self-cudgeling mood thanks to “sir’s” master-class mindfuck.
I’m wondering if Ruth is going to just end up with all her troubles pouring out to Asma and Amber. As a consequence, if he’s still in town, Clint may get a strong case of Amazi-Girl and Sal.
I doubt it. Theres no way the media wont be down a black girl and masked vigilante’s throats for beating up an elderly veteran. Amazi girl might, since secret identidy but the guy seems to be built like a brick, so even with the cane it might be tougher then the previous evil dads she had to face.
But I doubt Sal would. At least publicly. The last thing she needs is that kinda shit.
One of many great things about this comic; I really don’t know what’s going to happen next. And I don’t mean in a zany, off-the-wall way, but in a story-has-so-many-variables way.
Ruth is hurting so bad. Asma didn’t deserve that but I hope she realizes she just saw a few frames in a long movie.
things I’d like to see next:
*Asma walks over, puts the chair back, and tells Ruth to hit the gym (…oh right that’s what I’m avoiding right now)
*Ruth finds the strength to apologize to them both
*Sal walks in and hilariously misinterprets the situation, somehow defusing the tension
and now I’m wondering if Lars has similar reasons for his shitty behaviour (beyond what’s revealed in seasons 3-5)
I feel this storyline down to my BONES. Up to, and including, being a total shit to other people who were just trying to help, because DO NOT TALK TO ME ABOUT THIS OR I’M GONNA CRY IN PUBLIC AND IF THAT HAPPENS I WILL JUST DIE OF UTTER HUMILIATION.
Dan Carter probably the greatest 1st five to ever play rugby was right handed but kicked with his left foot and Sir Richard Hadlee, one of the greatest bowlers to ever play cricket bowled right arm but batted left handed
Well, I think most of Amber was tucked into the other chair, so it only needed to clear her knees.
And even if it was only kicked hard enough to pivot on the far arm, it would clear her nicely.
It looks to me like Amber is sitting pretty far forward; she clearly occludes the arm of the remaining chair.
And yes, if it were only kicked hard enough to pivot, that pivot would clear Amber. But it was kicked hard enough to lift it entirely off the ground, and put it in a flat spin (note the chair’s legs). I don’t see it tumbling sideways the way you’re picturing.
It does look to me like it should have hit Amber on the way up.
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Wow, Ruth got her leg up super high there. She can do a perfect splits!
Are we sure Billie’s the only former cheerleader in that relationship?
Maybe Billie’s been teaching her.
I’m sure they’ve been practicing flexibility.
I… um…
Ahem.
I can’t help thinking of the other implications of the ability to get one’s leg that high. Particularly considering certain preferences that Ruth and I happen to share.
Or, to dust off this old quote: “I’ll be in my bunk.”
Another hint that Ruth may have studied a martial art in the past.
maybe SHE’S amazi-girl!
But Ruth wears glasses and Amazi-Girl doesn’t!
Don’t be silly, Canadians don’t wear real glasses.
There is such a thing as the Canadian Football League. A wanna-be punter, perhaps?
Yep. No women players in the CFL at this time. The most easily noticeable differences between Canadian and American football is that the Canadian field is 110 yards long, versus the 100 yard American field, and there are only 3 downs.
Actually its a myth that Canadian football has only 3 downs. We actually have 4 downs, but we just punt on the 3rd down to be polite.
It’s a Canadian Fact: Contrary to popular belief, Canadian football actually has four downs, not three – but we always punt on the third down just to be safe.
http://www.sctvguide.ca/episodes/sctv_s54.htm
(Big SCTV fan from the USA, also big Roughriders fan.)
According to Kung Fu Panda, it takes years to master a perfect split.
I was more impressed at the strength of the kick. That chair she sent flying looked heavy
Go get ‘er.
“whoops”
I’m amazed that Ruth actually looks sorry, or at least sheepish.
I think the word is “mortified”
ASMA ATTACK
You win.
Nice word play! Bravo!
Is it pronounced like “Asthma”?
I appeal to the Willis. Is is pronounced AZZ-ma, ASS-ma, or some other way?
Not sure how Willis pronounces it but in Pakistan it’s pronounced more like US-muh. Arab speakers may say it differently.
The same Willis who made it Deenah and not Diner?
Probably because “Dina” is a name that originated in a country where they do this thing where each vowel has, more or less one, non-diphthong sound. And in such countries, the sounds [i] and [i:] are thus both represented by the letter i, as opposed to the letter i representing [ai] at mysterious points.
It could have sounded like dinosaur, and it doesn’t. There is no logic that can compensate for this unforgivable choice.
My guess would be OZ-ma.
Asma is ruler of Oz confirmed.
I believe it is pronounced “Throatwarbler Mangrove.” >.>
Well played
That is very silly, and you’re not going to be on television.
Asma is not amused.
Well, fuck.
What a shitty thing to have in common.
Asma needs to lay the smackdown on Ruth.
Shit rolls down in the world of Ruthless. Ruth needs to take some femurs and that, sadly, is the cycle of abuse. I say this knowing plenty of people who were able to break it and would never do unto others as they had done unto them. It’s just Ruth may not be that person.
She might be. That look of horror when she realized someone was under the inanimate object she thought she took her frustration on is palpable.
But she’s definitely got to break out of her natural habit when she feels at her wit’s end, because that angry lashing out is not good.
Yeah, it’s a good question. How much of Ruthless was just yelling and how much was actual violence? How much damage did the anger and yelling do? If any? I’d like to think aside from Billie, she was just mean and prone to barking orders to her fellow students.
She did pick people up by their shirts on a pretty regular basis, in addition to ordering them around. And she tossed Joyce’s stuff out the window and slapped a dick onto Mary that one time. And she threw Billie into a chair in front of everyone so they’d know she was entirely willing to beat them up. So there’s that.
I will forever maintain that slapping that dick onto Mary was a brilliant piece of performance art
Pour encourager les autres.
It’s immaterial that there are no other Marys to encourage, because Mary got a dick slapped onto her face.
I don’t think it was horror so much as she was shocked someone was under there and possibly could have heard the exchange.
It feels connected to the kicking, but you might be right.
It was probably both. It definitely shows us that she didn’t think she was kicking a chair someone was under.
In Ruth’s defense, I believe most people probably wouldn’t think of that. (Or would they? How many people are usually hiding under cube chairs at an average college campus?)
More than you realize, much more than you realize.
Who knows? As far as I can tell zero, but that might just mean they’re good at hiding.
I mean, I would assume that somewhere upward of 90% of chairs that are currently upside down have someone hiding under them. And the remaining 10% would not be pushed together, as they would have been sloppily left in place by someone leaving from under them.
She knows Blaine is an abusive shit though so she probably was like, “oh shit I might have unwittingly targeted a fellow abuse victim.”
Ruth is lashing out in a surge of uncontrolled negative emotions.
Clint was continuing an unending streak of unprovoked cruelty.
Ruth is not that person. What she’s doing here – while a bad thing and hurtful to people around her – is not what Clint did go her. It’s not anywhere close.
I’m referring more to the fact everyone in the hall hates or fears her, particularly Rachel. Pre-Billie, I wonder how much of that reputation was trying to find some sense of power and dignity by taking it out on others. Which is different from taking it out on your GRANDCHILDREN with such calculated psychological torture.
Well, that doesn’t take into account all of the previous bad things she’s done towards people on the hall she’s supposed to be taking care of. Still not as bad as Clint, but there’s definitely a pattern.
Yeah, she’s mistreated people. N
I never said otherwise.
But the only time she came close to doing to someone else what Clint did to her was when she bullied and harassed Billie because of her DUI. She already brings THAT cycle. While there’s been abuse apart from that, none of it was nearly as bad or seemed to come from the same place as the bile that drives Clint.
Ruth was a bully with lots of uncool behaviour, and she shouldn’t be an RA (as Ruth would agree), but she’s nowhere close to Clint’s league of horrible.
^^^ yes
Yes, this. Like everything she did was bullying behaviour (mean and people didn’t really like it) but much of it didn’t include specific patterns. Throwing gloves out a window, slapping Mary, and bossing people usually occurred when she was in a bad mood. While she did try to be controlling through threatening people, she never actually went out of her way to control specific people or to make them so fearful that they couldn’t fight back, and she never really tried to make other people behave in ways that were beneficial to her past attending the meetings, which was a reasonable demand as an RA.
Ruth is definitely someone that can be mean and harmful to other people, but I wouldn’t say she is abusive because she doesn’t have the sense of entitlement that drives abusers, she doesn’t act in a very calculated manner and again, much of her behaviour doesn’t have patterns, it is driven more by her current emotions more than actual thoughts in how she can use those emotions to control or harm others.
I think one of the things people are failing to put together here is that Ruth was forced into a position of authority, against her will no less, for some kind of grand plan that made her continued existence a more convenient burden for her abuser.
The same abuser who was, most likely, her sole influence upon her perception of how an effective authority figure behaves, and maintains control.
The same abuser who, if she does not maintain control of the authority that has been forced upon her to his satisfaction, will unleash fresh hell on her helpless brother as punishment.
Not only does Ruth have no other good example of how she could adequately achieve the goal that she’s been essentially blackmailed to achieve, but this is the methodology she’s intimately familiar with, and she knows first-hand how effective it is. Blaming her for acting the way she does, to me, is extremely unfair. I’d do a lot worse than bully, threaten, and shout down my subordinates in her situation, and I don’t even come from quite the same kind of utterly toxic and abusive background that has left her so damaged and lacking in other skill-sets to perform the task that, once again, has been forced upon her.
And yet, the effects on those around her are the same, regardless of how much we can empathize with her reasons.
What saves Ruth, in my mind, is that she can still change. Has been changing in fact. Before today, when was the last time she really did any bullying?
This is a relapse, under extreme pressure and can be excused, but she definitely needs to develop alternate ways of coping. Therapy will hopefully help, but I think she’s already been changing. Probably thanks to Billie (all the problems with codependent alcoholism aside.)
I think one of her really redeeming moments is when she apologized to the whole hall, especially because she said she had done a bad job and the students deserved better. Because, well, she was willing to take responsibility for her shitty behavior (though I would say she had started to mellow out a bit over the comics). Like, the fact she realized what she did was harmful and was fully ready for the consequences was huge. And then, Clint and Chloe took away those consequences, which she actually wanted and still wants. In a way, she feels as robbed of justice as Rachel. There’s also the fact that she legitimately did care about her charges. She was willing to help Dorothy with the break up with Danny, and not being able to keep Carla safe from Mary was devastating for her. Ruth was unprepared, unequipped, and unmotivated for the job, but she still tried to do it the only way she knew how: “Let them hate me, so long as they fear me.” She wanted to keep the students safe from each other, and if that meant being a tyrant she was going to be a tyrant. And she realized that those actions both did not work and were actively harmful. And she apologizes. She feels guilty. And going forward, she’ll most likely do a better job, if (and this is a big if) Clint doesn’t pull another move like he just did. If she keeps taking her medication, keeps going to therapy, and tries to find a better coping habit, she could become a good RA. She didn’t want this second chance, but it’s been placed on her and I’m willing to bet Ruth would rather be damned than let Clint win at this point. Succeeding in order to spite Clint and save her brother could also be a good energizer for her. I know the only reason I completed all of my schooling was solely to spite my father by making it so my family and I would never have to rely on him again. Ruth can do the same. If she is given the proper help.
My personal take is there’s a difference between an abuser and abusive behavior. An abuser purposefully abuses to control or for personal gain, they know what they’re doing and cannot or will not change. A person with abusive behavior may not know they are being abusive, may have never learned a better way, or may not even know a better way exists. A person with abusive behavior can change with the right tools and likely will do so. Ruth is abusive not an abuser, she’s not like Clint, BUT that doesn’t make her behavior any less abusive and harmful.
Wait, that’s not even a library? Amber’s just hanging out in her own lobby two minutes from her actual dorm room?
I figure being a social recluse, Amber would most likely be in her dorm than hanging out doing anything in anywhere public.
But maybe she needs Streetpasses.
She can’t go back to her room. Dina’s throwing a wild party with drinking and loud music. The cops have been called several times. Snoop Dogg just showed up. Shit’s cray-cray.
The governor has just declared martial law, and has arranged back-parties in the surrounding area in an attempt to slow its’ spread.
When asked for comment, Dina
The hell?
When asked for comment, Dina stated: “We intend to party like it is 9000099 B.C.E., woo!”, before being dragged into the crowd by an unidentified redhead.
She crept home from the library with the privacy chairs on top of her, scuttling like a pillbug.
The chairs were in the lobby all along
So a comfier version of the cardboard box has been invented. This is good news.
Yes? We’ve seen those chairs in the lobby before.
Sorry Asma it’s not her she’s just….lashing out.
So it IS her. You don’t magically stop being responsible for how you treat others because you’re upset even if you have a super good reason for being upset. Ruth is being a dink here and its pretty clear that taking out her frustrations on others is a consistent problem in her behaviour.
I think they meant to type “it’s not YOU, she’s just lashing out”. As in Asma didn’t do anything wrong.
oh god, legs can go that high.
WELL, TWO CAN PLAY AT THAT GAME.
*tries to practice kicking high, immediately hurts self*
She’s been taking lessons from Billie.
Ruth has to keep herself limber for her “Welcome to the Fuck Zone” appearances.
Should have opened with a safer question. Maybe try, “You want to get some coffee sometime?” “Would you like me to drive you to the gun store?” “Do you want to build a snowman?”
“It doesn’t have to be a coffee.” 😛
Wait, Ruth bothered to learn her name? I thought Walkerton proved she was invisible!
She might have come down with invisibility recently, and Ruth remembers her from last year.
Walky is hardly an accurate measure of people’s importance.
Asma merely cloaks herself when Walky approaches, as she finds him incredibly annoying.
Asma does not approve of this abuse of privacy chairs.
Asma is so sick of everybody’s shit.
even mine?
Well, maybe not if you keep it out of her lobby.
7 minutes and no FAAAAAAAAAAACE reference in the comments yet? You guys are slipping.
Your FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE is slipping!
Now I have an image in my mind of Maverick1984’s face liquifying and slowly sliding off, until it falls to the floor, revealing a bleached-white skull and two bloodshot eyeballs quivering in their sockets.
Thanks. I really needed that.
At least it’s bloodshot eyeballs and not fire beginning to burn your stomach, eh?
(reference *tick tick tick tick…*)
Did anyone else notice that Amber’s antenna wire thingy wasn’t visible until after the chair was kicked, but it should have been visible before the kick?
Why that bugs me, I have no idea.
SHUT IT, LeslieBean4Shizzle. Just SHUT YER ASS.
continuity error! this page is 0/10! IM DROPPING DOA EVER! BAI!
If Ambers antenna was wedged between the top corners of the two chairs (to keep it in a roughly vertical position to maximise signal strength) then it would not necessarily be visible from the outside. Thus when Ruth flipped the chair, friction would cause it to fall in the direction of the flipped chair leaving the antenna on the ground in the position we see it in now.
No continuity error, just Newtonian physics. 🙂
Why is it, though, that Amber could be in her little hideout with a smartphone and still be getting good coverage, but a Nintendo DS or whatever — which probably uses similar technology to connect to its network — requires an external antenna like the old-time CB radios or walkie-talkies?
No Ruth! Don’t fall into the dark side!
Honestly I’d rather she just get mad and lash out at inanimate objects then just shut down. I’m not saying acting out like this is healthy but I think her expressing that he pissed her off is better than what could have happened.
“Your passions give you strength. And through strength you gain power. You have seen it. You feel it. You must break your chains.”
that said, panel 6 is definitely a “Luke looks at his own prosthetic hand” moment.
“must break your chairs”
An autocorrect moment.
Fall?
Damn it, Asma, it’ not about you! Stop trying to make it all about you!!!
Nice karate kick, Ruth.
…no you don’t need KICKS…
Don’t you mean….
plays Paul Revere and the Raiders’ “Kicks” on the hacked Muzak?
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks
You’d better run, better run, out run my gun
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks
You’d better run, better run, faster than my bullet…
clint should be punched, repeatedly
Damn Ruth, what did that chair ever do to you?
God damnit Ruth, you’re supposed to direct your anger towards the people who are actually at fault for your problems lol
I think she didn’t notice that someone was actually under the furniture, because honestly why would you even guess that?
The whole point is that she can’t. That taking out anger on Clint would just make things even worse – especially for Howard. That’s the trap.
And of course this outburst just proves she’s a worthless piece of shit who’s better off dead because she can’t help any one just hurt people who don’t deserve it so she might as well just crawl back into the bottle and die.
Luckily she had Billie, who will probably crawl into the bottle with her, but won’t let her die.
God, poor Amber. Today’s been a little rough for her.
I know this day has been infinitely worse for Ruth (I hope she gets a long hug from Billie soon), but the sight of Amber raising her 3DS AGAIN like a shield tugs too immediately on my heartstrings.
Yeah, that little bit of attempting to shield herself really shows how shook she is.
What of all the Ruth/Sir interaction does Asma know? She seems a good observer and i hope her concern for Ruth doesn’t get lost with Ruth’s acting out.
Six and a half years. Over two thousand pages.
And Asna finally gets name-dropped.
AsMA, FUCK
Don’t go kicking any seats now.
This is a rough moment for you, isn’t it?
i think you mean a rough monent
oh my god
willis
I’m such a huge fan of your webconic!!!
I feel you on this. Willis replied to agree with one of my comments like last month and I am still too shy to respond lol ._.
I can’t help but think of Lord Of The Flies: “Sucks to your Asma!”
Yeah, I’m sure Asma is thinking she’s sure glad to be in the background. And also to not be in Ruth’s dorm.
Despite how sucky this is for all involved, I like how this means that all of the stuff with the chairs before probably happened with Asma watching from off panel
“They’re not allowed to stack the chairs like that, but I wanna see where this goes.”
How to isolate yourself and burn bridges 101. This page is relevant because I just had a day at work where someone was an asshole to me and I had done nothing to them whatsoever. Couldn’t even finish my sentence and out came the horseshit. You know on TV when people say words and person just gets so upset? Unnecessary rudeness is becoming that trigger for me. But I say nothing because client and I must keep my job.
So apropos of nothing. Does anyone have a good list of LGBT-focused non-profits in Ohio, particularly ones focused on transgender youth? I’m trying to put together a mailing list for some friends of mine who are running a summer camp for trans kids and teens
General resources:
http://www.transohio.org/
LGBT Youth Center:
Kaleidoscope Youth Center in Columbus
Cleveland LGBT Center:
LGBT Center of Greater Cleveland
Cincinnati LGBT Center:
The one I know about closed but a local may know if a new one sprung up in its place or not.
These are the ones I know off the top of my head, but someone in the Ohio region may know of others.
Knowledgeable as always, Cerb
Your list should probably include the Trevor Project (LGBTQ+ 24/7 hotline) if it doesn’t already.
I bet Oberlin College would keep lists of this, too, perhaps at the health center?
Thanks, y’all, I’ll give those a look.
Ruth has anger issues….she’s also suprisingly flexible.
Sometimes, when she’s real mad, she hides in a closet and twists herself into a pretzel.
Asma next strip: “Screw this shit. I’m outta here. I’m going to see if Shattered Starlight has an opening. At least over there I’ll just have to worry about Farrah and an alien invasion.”
*plays Johnny Paycheck’s “Take This Job and Shove It”*
*rapid soccer commentary in Spanish, followed by uproa riots cheers* “GOOOOOAAAALL!!”
Hey kids, just wanna let you know that if your powerful connected abuser makes the crucial mistake of leaving a witness, you jump on that like a cat on a bug. The chances that somebody will believe you will go way up, and that can take you places.
(Kicking furniture is optional.)
(And therapeutic.)
That’s only once you get over the stage of feeling horribly humiliated by someone else witnessing it and fully internalize that none of this is your fault nor reflects badly on you in any way.
Ruth is not there yet.
I think Ruth’s issue isn’t that she’s emotionally trapped so much as that she’s _actually_ trapped, she can’t afford to lose the financial support or his help raising her brother so telling him to fuck off is legitimately not an option for actual practical reasons.
Questions of how best to separate herself are somewhat moot until she is in a situation where separating herself isn’t physically harmful to her.
She might be okay losing financial support, but so long as Howard is legally under Sir’s care, Sir can hold Howard hostage.
Its not moot point because unless she starts asking what she can do to create that situation it might never just happen. She needs financial freedom and a safe Howard.
How to pursue this, does she break off now Gramps and let Howard deal with Sir’s reaction, and start adulating now? Does she pursue emancipation for or custady of Howard now? Does she focus on creating financial freedom for the next two years while Howards legal situation takes care of itself so he is prepared to make a clean break on Howards birthday?
And that was how Asma learned to just stay behind the desk and never sympathize with anyone ever.
You are much safer as a bit character. The main cast has it rough.
Tell that to anyone who ever wore a red shirt on “Star Trek”.
Different series, different rules.
They said this air would be breathable
Get in, get out again, and no one gets hurt…
Is that a transition from “what the hell is her problem” to “ah right, everybody here are friggin’ weirdos” face?
Comic Reactions:
Panel 1: Oof. Like that dead thousand yard stare after receiving such a toxic blast of twisted awfulness designed to prey on every one of her worst fears and internalized self-hatreds after seeing her making such critical strides in recovery is heart-breaking.
I mean, that’s what abusers do, they take all that you’ve built and reset it back to zero until you’re spending more energy recovering from or preparing for their next assault than you are living your life.
And “sir” is very very good at this type of psychological torture.
And Asma, like, Asma is just a kid. She’s been on the periphery of abusive parents before but witnessing something like this, in the flesh, for what might be the first time? It’s hard and you absolutely don’t know what to do.
Panel 2: And this is a good instinct on Asma’s part. Reaching out to the person you saw abused, letting them know that this wasn’t normal, that you saw that, that you know it was fucked up.
But sometimes that doesn’t work out. And for Ruth, well, she’s got a lot here. Like, she’s got a bit of a hangup for being vulnerable and having that seen and we just saw the reason why. Because any vulnerability she shows just becomes a weapon that “sir” will use to hit her where it really hurts.
And when she’s really down low, the only emotion she can access is anger and it feels better for her to feel something than the cold deadness of feeling nothing at all.
Not to mention that well, she’s just been repeatedly publicly humiliated by a man who made a huge production of how much he has trapped her and how much complete control over her life he has even after she jumped through hoop after hoop for him.
She’s pissed and lashing out at any around and Asma was unlucky enough to be the one nearby and so gets the full force of that.
Panel 3: And of course Asma takes it hard and it’s understandable. Like, she definitely did not deserve that outburst and probably has some previous experience dealing with Ruth to make her less than enamored with her yelling persona.
Plus, well, outbursts like that lashing out at folks is not a privilege she is overly allowed as a woman of color and especially as a muslim woman in Trump’s America. And it feels telling that she doesn’t feel she can even say anything in response to it all even though her expressive face betrays the strong emotions she is feeling.
Re Asma’s resources for dealing with problems like this — her chain of command is Chloe, right?
Shit.
… fuck…
….. then again….
… my theory is that Chloe is more oblivious than evil or corrupt. So having someone spell things out to her might…
…. maybe….
….
…. yeah, okay, not holding out hope.
Dammit.
Yeah. We were hoping yesterday that Asma would reach out, but I suppose it was too much to hope for that Ruth could accept it.
Some kind of relapse was pretty much inevitable. Maybe, just maybe, this outburst will serve instead of drinking herself into a stupor?
Just to slightly add on about panel 2… Ruth is simultaneously shielding so hard and retreating into herself, but also very raw. She has figurative road rash, and even the gentlest ‘touch’ is gonna hurt and she’s gonna jerk away from it, and the fact that she lashes in the process is… Obviously not great, and obviously not fair to Asma who only wanted to help, but at least understandable, and likely forgiveable IF Ruth turns around and apologizes. Which I give about 50/50 after she apologizes to Amber.
Excellent form on that kick.
“Get your kicks on Route 66…” Or in this case, the dorm room. It’s like turning over a rock and finding a mouse hiding underneath.
Panel 4: And just like before, Ruth, trapped, full of rage, tries to take it out on an inanimate object because well, better that than people and there is a lot of rage to process here thanks to “sir’s” violent cruelty.
Panel 5: And poor Amber, her safe cocoon invaded violently by an angry stranger. That’s something that’s definitely primed to trigger some nasty flashbacks and we see that in that meek attempt to shield herself with her 3DS as Schpoonman noted and those eyes definitely look terrified on her part.
But I’m also impressed by Ruth. The second she realizes that someone was under the thing she tried to vent her frustration on and that she nearly might have hurt someone and definitely terrified the resident who can most understand what she’s going through, she seems horrified and apologetic with the whole body posture changing and the anger dissipating.
I think it really shook her, because I doubt Ruth is immune to the messages so many abused folks get that they are somehow “doomed” to become their abusers, to carry that violence downwards to those with less power in the bad coping strategies carefully taught to them.
And I think this feels closer than she is at all comfortable getting and I think what we’re going to see next is some positive motion from Ruth as she tries to develop a healthy coping strategy to what she just had to deal with.
Panel 6: And hopefully that’ll include apologizing for snapping at Asma. Like, that shouldn’t be required of Ruth, but it’d be nice anyways.
@Cerberus: …hopefully that’ll include apologizing for snapping at Asma. Like, that shouldn’t be required of Ruth, but it’d be nice anyways.
If she can turn from “F**K THIS CHAIR IN PARTICULAR” to “Oh no, a scared little nerdling, I’m so sorry!” in less than one second, an apology to the kind desk clerk seems slightly more likely on Ruth’s part.
I feel sorry for everyone in this strip. Asma is trying to help and getting yelled at (and she’s probably harassed on a daily basis because of the hijab, so this is just icing on the cake), Ruth’s in lash-out mode and just realized in an “Oh my God what did I do” moment that she almost hurt Amber, and Amber probably heard everything, is having flashbacks to Blaine, and just trying to hide as a result.
Yeah, everyone is hurting so much in this strip and yeah, in context, the Asma bits are rough, because she is a muslim woman in Indiana during the era of Trump and that means constant harassment, threats of violence, and always having to be on one’s best behavior because of all the white folks looking for an excuse to confirm their biases that muslim individuals are inherently violent and dangerous.
Like, that Panel 3 is rough cause you can tell she wants to go “fuck you” back, but knows that it will go very poorly for her if she did and so bites her tongue.
Hm. I was reading Asma as having sympathy for Ruth through the whole strip.
Her sad expressions in panel 3 and 6 could be “Wow, Ruth is hurting” and “Wow, Ruth is REALLY hurting.” Because otherwise, why would she be more upset in panel 6 than panel 3?
You said Asma is just a kid. I just reviewed all the Asma-tagged strips, and… well… I don’t see that. She, a short woman of color in a hijab, had no hesitation going up to a tall white man with blood on his face who was known to be (at least) trespassing, and telling him that he needed to leave the building. I don’t even say “facing him down” because she brought so much authority to the interaction that he didn’t even try to give her attitude. (Granted, he’d already been somewhat defused by Billie.)
She’s also apparently in charge of giving warnings to alcoholics, and is not shy about doing it above and beyond the call of duty (she mentions it again to Billie in the Blaine interaction). And she doesn’t hesitate to point out that Walky doesn’t know her name when he expects her to know his – and then hands him his box with the “this side up” arrow upside-down.
So I suspect that Asma, like Becky, is someone who’s been made stronger by everything that didn’t kill them. And working in the mailroom which is open to the lobby, she probably knows where a lot of bodies are buried. I think the panel-6 scowl is probably mostly for Clint… and Puddinghead. And it wouldn’t surprise me if she acted on it.
On a separate topic, I notice that Ruth’s green eyes come back in panel 2, while she’s yelling at Asma. Seems like being angry/aggressive toward people really does make her feel better. Maybe restoring some sense of power. I’m not pushing the “She’s destined to repeat the abuse” narrative; I’m just noting that mistreating people actually seems to be good for her immediate mental state.
Half the time I think that Asma is older but I’m terrible at keeping up with all these characters.
That said, I think that any strong emotion is enough to jump-start Ruth again, as she’s basically feeling the heck out of those emotions. Too bad she tends to default to anger.
Per Patreon, Asma is 19 and a student.
Good points and I think you may be right about Asma.
Like, yeah, you’re right, there’s no reason for her to be more perturbed and seemingly upset in the last panel than the third panel, so that last exasperated and upset look is probably to the whole fucked up scenario and the pain on display and those she knows caused it (because she’d also recognize Amber’s dad as abusive, because she was the one who was asked to detain him before he dashed off).
The Panel 3 still feels like a moment of “what the hell?” (which would be a natural reaction, especially for a kid who doesn’t have a long history of interacting with folks who’ve been abused), but you might be right that it’s more a “holy fuck I just stepped into a land mine of pain there”.
Actually there’s a reason I just thought of – “so you’ll lash out at me, but back away from a white girl”
I prefer to think this interpretation is right though )=
Oh, that’s a good shout as well and yeah, I can definitely see it being interpreted as a microaggression.
@Chris, that’s an interesting point about the green eyes. But the aggression only seems to work within a certain threshold. When she realizes she’s kicked open Amber’s safe space, they revert to black.
This. Speaking as someone who grew up in an environment of abuse it took me a long time to understand that cascade effect, where it all just runs downhill because everyone involved is looking for someone else to lash out at. This felt like a painfully accurate portrayal.
It overlaps with the “you grow up to be your parents” theme that’s also running through the comic so far, where the characters have to notice that their parents are flawed, that they share those flaws, and decide whether to lean into them or fight it.
The really obvious ones are Ruth sharing her grandfather’s abusive nature in its entirety and Amber having her father’s flashes of rage, but it’s popped up more subtly other place, with Joyce probably having the best understanding that she has her mother’s tendency to be judgemental and actively fighting it by emulating her father instead, Becky’s impulsiveness being lampshaded when her father is impulsive in an almost identical fashion (and it’s a disaster, and Becky learns noting from it, which does not foreshadow good things for her subplot).
Basically cycle of abuse is a smaller part of a broader theme, there’s sort of a cycle of _everything_ going on here.
“Ruth sharing her grandfather’s abusive nature in its entirety”
you stop that -_-
I’m really not seeing that as a theme. There’s definitely lots of “fear of becoming your parents” going around, and plenty of time spent comparing who parents want their kids to become with who their kids want to become, but never is the myth that you will become your parents perpetuated.
Kids share traits with their parents, obviously. They pick up social behaviors from their upbringing, sometimes even when they know early on that their parents are terrible role models. It’s harder to learn good habits and behaviors when you only have awful ones demonstrated up close.
But while they HAVE each shown bad behaviors because of their upbringing, they are not their parents, and for each that has already become more true over time. Joyce is not Carol. Amber is not Blaine. And Ruth is NOT Clint.
And “impulsiveness” was not Ross’s problem. He is a raging asshole who cared more about the demands of his cruel, hateful god than the well-being of his own family. I’m pretty sure Becky never shared that attribute with him.
There’s a strong argument to be made that Toedad’s problem was that he was the opposite of impulsive. Once he got an idea in his head of the “right” course of action, nothing and no one could dissuade him from that because to admit flaw is to be influenced by the devil.
Like, we saw that in the kidnapping where he nearly gave in to his conscience that he was doing something awful, but he’d already made up his mind about how that was supposed to go, so he wasn’t going to stop until that came to pass.
I honestly think Amber didn’t hear a freaking word of anything because she was too engrossed in her game
So does that mean Amber/AG heard the whole thing? Not that she can do much right now, but still…
I wonder if this will be the beginning of these two reaching out to each other about their experiences dealing with and surviving an abuser.
What a lovely thought.
But oh my god if there were any two characters who could relate to each other in this comic it’s Ruth and Amber.
yeah i’m shocked i haven’t thought about it before!!!! what am i doing with my life
They’re both very good at not letting people in, so while it might be obvious for us, not so obvious change for them. Also drama.
Thats said, if Ruth can say something fast enough Amber might have to answer, opposed to her crawling into the other cube chair post haste.
Amber….. I don’t think that, realistically, she’s going to open herself up like that. I mean, she constructed A LITERAL SHELL around herself.
….
Though now that you mention it, I wonder if Ruth’s going to remember, oh, hey, another abuse victim.
As long as they can ditch a house keep from their knee jerk typical reactions…
But as you said, it could be a start.
UM I’M SO HERE FOR THE TWO GIRLS WHO DEAL WITH THEIR RAGE AND TRAUMA BY LASHING OUT PHYSICALLY HAVING TO DEAL WITH EACH OTHER IN THE MIDST OF THEIR TRAUMA AND RAGE
fuck. yes
and goddamn sal isn’t that far away either
Triple therapy session!
I think Sal would sooner throw her therapist out a window, benefit or no. Not that you should suggest therapy would benefit her unless you want, at best, incredible snark.
well. i mean, we have to find a cool therapist.
no, hannibal lector, you need to sit down.
I don’t think anything from hell to high water to a pissed off Marcie is going to get her to cooperate in therapy, but a cool therapist can’t HURT.
yeah sal…really does not like therapy
therapy is definitely the kind of thing where you have to go in knowing what you want to get out of it and being willing to cooperate and open up. if you dont have those things it won’t do anything for you
Yeah, apparently court ordered and/or parent funded therapy post-robbery really left her with a ‘therapy can lick my boots’ attitude.
I am currently taking bets on what flavour of awful therapist she had.
………….and people coming in trying to fix you doesn’t make matters any easier, im sure
BBCC- Hmm, given the parents she had, I’m going to guess either mandatory anger management that didn’t allow her space to honestly process what was making her pissed off in society, a “let’s make you normal and happy” therapist that prioritized normative responses to things she felt were great injustices, or maybe a “I’m not really listening because I’ve been in the field for years and so I understand your deal better than you could ever tell me and my baggage says you’re dealing with X” type.
Considering Sal apparently had a LOT of therapists, I’m willing to bet all of those plus a couple other awful flavours (ex. conflicting or contradictory diagnoses between different ones, focusing exclusively on what her parents or the court said the problem was, treating her like a problem or a puzzle to be fixed, treating her like an experiment, focusing on their pet issue/treatment, and simply just not being very nice to her).
Dammit, that was supposed to come up after Halpful.
The version I got in high school was “let’s make you less difficult for your poor parents.” It was really toxic. Therapy fundamentally isn’t effective if you view your patient as a problem to be solved for the benefit of someone else. Thankfully, I eventually got better therapy.
there’s also the “you WILL do this my way or else you don’t really want to get better and are CHOOSING to fail on purpose and I will shame you and deny you any further help”.
…at least, that’s what I was scared of when I met my current therapist (so glad I was able to tell her that and she reassured me she’d never do that). My memories of high school shit are too blurry to be sure what really happened or who I got those fears from.
yeah most of what i’ve heard about kids forced into therapy has…not always been so great
i can definitely personally attest to the benefits of choosing to go to therapy as an adult though because if you really dislike your therapist you can just. walk out the door, give them the boot, and hit the road, jack.
In my version Sal is the therapist.
OH MY GOD i love this
ok let’s pretend this is hosted by antifascist steve rogers b/c that would be a dream team
i’d say jessica jones but tv version is barely functional. whereas comics version is pretty functional, so, ok, comics jessica jones co-therapizing
Just popping in to point out comics!Mantis has been a therapist before. And with the added bonus of Mantis being too adorable to yell at.
im a little more dc than marvel so i’d never heard of her before but she looks adorable
Mantis is goddamn precious. Yelling at her would be like yelling at a fucking rainbow. It doesn’t make any sense! Especially if this is MCU!Mantis (who has the same empathy powers – once she gets some socialization, I can easily see her making a good therapist).
aaack
im intrigued and delighted
More likely a Fight Club.
Ruth’s whole life is a series of mistakes.
Is there some sort of actual rule that Asma never gets to be a major character? Because I been waiting. I been waiting a long time.
Are you also waiting for Daisy to have a fulfilling sexual relationship?
Ugh I feel ashamed out how much I feel Ruth right now.
Poor Asma.
Still don’t like amber. I hope that caused her to lose her race.
I didn’t know that two completely different storylines could overlap in such a satisfying way
Something tells me that Asma is going to give Ruth a long, hard talking to; a talk that will involve far too many personal flaws and stupid compromises of what she knows is right for Ruth’s peace of mind. That doesn’t mean that she won’t benefit from listening but it will still be a tough thing to which to listen.
First, though, I think that Ruth is going to have to apologise to Amber and Sal for interrupting their Mario Kart date.
i mean like just because asma is there doesn’t mean she knows what ruth needs any better than ruth does
i d k
I’m pretty sure what Ruth doesn’t need right now is someone telling her about all her personal flaws and compromises.
Didn’t she just get a big dose of that?
Yeah, that wouldn’t really be healthy or useful. Honestly, her current approach is the right one. Feel your feelings but let the person do their thing because they’re in a bad headspace and won’t really be in a place to listen to anyone until they’re not.
Honestly, given the steps Ruth has been taking, I would not be surprised if she apologizes to both Amber and Asma for lashing out at some point, whether she allows herself to open up more to Asma or not.
yeaaaaaaaaaah
ugh like with asma it’s tough because on the one hand: she shouldn’t have to take this shit, she was just a bystander, she doesn’t deserve to have ruth snap at her
but on the other hand: ruth doesn’t deserve any of what clint just dished out and she doesn’t have to be pleasant about it
but on the other other hand: asma doesn’t have to be pleasant about ruth telling her to shut up, either
i feel like ruth chose her pride over her pain just there. i mean. anger too, anger is how it came out, but pride over pain. which – i feel like there’s some connection there between pride and integrity but i’m not really sure what
i kind of feel like the Right Thing to Do or w/e is just – to take a breather, let what ruth said go, and then, like, offer something that ruth can use. but like i mean there’s not really any way to cope with something like that
anyways: asma deserves better, clearly
The right thing to do is hold Ruth responsible because this isn’t an isolated incident of her lashing out at the people around her it’s a thing she does all the damn time to basically anyone who happens to be nearby. She has assaulted her charges because of this kind of lashing out and someone needs to sit her down and tell her it is 0% okay and she needs to find a healthier way to handle her feelings.
Yes she does. It’s called therapy and she’s started it.
Right now, she needs someone who can get inside her defenses to support her, which pretty much means Billie. Get her through this crisis so that she can get back to working on her long term problems. Which she’s doing.
She does not need someone to sit her down and lecture her about how she’s horrible. Not right now. Probably not ever. She’s got a mini-Clint in the back of her head doing that all the time.
Hey, I know. Maybe Asma could report this and get Ruth fired. That would help. (I mean seriously, it actually would. Except that it would drag Clint back here to “fix” things again and be even worse to her, so no, I guess it wouldn’t.)
I mean, I think there’s validity in also pointing out that Ruth is responsible for her behaviour regardless of the circumstances. Ruth can’t get away with inappropriate behaviour under threat of Clint. I’m going to be worse off if I don’t find a job but that doesn’t entitle me to one.
Amazi-Girl runs on the thin veneer of acceptability as long as she beats up hooligans and ne’erdowells with no personality. Then she yelled at Danny and beat up a guy who was crying for her to stop and suddenly nobody likes her anymore.
Well, since life is an inalienable right and our current society requires you to have a job to live, I disagree; I think you are entitled to a job.
But I also don’t think thejeff is arguing that Ruth isn’t responsible for her actions. There’s a difference between saying someone’s not responsible for their actions and saying that being lectured about what a bad person she is wouldn’t help. There’s a lot of middle ground between “Ruth can do no wrong” and “Ruth needs to be told she’s a shitty person”. I think thejeff’s argument is that Ruth already knows she’s shitty, and that specifically telling her that would not be constructive, not that Ruth’s behavior doesn’t need to change.
It seems like there’s a lot of people talking past each other today. People feeling bad for Ruth doesn’t automatically equal those people thinking Ruth is absolved of all wrongdoing and no longer needs to work on her behavior.
I mean, I don’t think Emily’s point, or the point of anyone who criticizes Ruth (or Amber for that matter, since she gets a lot of the same), is that they need to be beaten with how shitty they are until they stop.
Ruth needs to stop kicking shit over and yelling at people and being a dick to her charges. It should be possible to say that without, like, implicitly also stating that Ruth is awful garbage and saying that doesn’t invalidate that she’s a wounded kid who needs help.
Though on a tangential note I think it would be nice if we could think about why we only ever finger wag about expressions of anger when it comes to Amber and Ruth, the two characters in the comic who suffered an extended period of mental abuse and trauma and now have poor coping skills relating to anger.
Now that’s an interesting and important point.
For starters, I think there’s a misreading of the “explanation not an excuse” truism to mean that the explanation isn’t a mitigating factor, combined with an expectation of faster change in a comic strip that could take a year to cover a week. Seriously, we’re already three months into this day. Ruth’s hospitalization may feel really distant to us, but for her, it *just* happened. And she got home expecting to be relieved of the job she didn’t want, only to be coerced into resuming her stressful employment and also endure a big helping of emotional abuse. All this in less than twelve hours. So she’s having a shitty day and she’s losing her cool in the short term. We’re watching it unfold over months.
Other factors are relevant too, such as a societal tendency to judge women more harshly for their anger. But in the case of this strip, I think the timescale may be a prominent factor.
A huge part of it is also that abuse victims have unfair expectations put on them to never express anger about anything, because to do so is giving into their natural abusive instinct.
black and white thinking! that’s what’s going on. the false dichotomy of “Ruth can do no wrong” vs “Ruth needs to be told she’s a shitty person”, and “explanation not an excuse” and so on.
there are options in the middle 🙂 but humans have an unfortunate tendency to bring an “either you’re with us or you’re against us” mindset into so many things. :/
…black and white thinking is also what got my brain all tangled up recently. hmmm.
I thing it’s the still lingering stigma in American society about being mentally ill, and the unhealthy cultural attitude of “You got hurt so what? Walk it off you big baby!” that exists in American society. Which have kinda been around since the first colonists arrived. There’s also the common conception that’s only resentful been changing that responding to pain with sorrow and crying is appropriate for women but responding with anger isn’t and the reverse being to for men. There’s a lot of unconscious social baggage.
also because like. the culture of women’s anger is largely that women shouldn’t be angry, i figure
Yeah I guess hurting Ruth’s feelings by holding her responsible for her actions is worse than her consistently hurting the people around her no matter how unrelated they are to the source of her frustrations.
I don’t think that’s what thejeff said, or a fair extrapolation of it.
I think that a month or so ago comic time someone holding her responsible would have been a good idea. Right now, she’s just gotten out of hospital on suicide watch, she’s started therapy, she’s been forced back into the job that was killing her and she’s just had an awful confrontation with her abuser.
This is not the moment to confront her.
Especially when that last panel gives at least a hint that she’s already cutting herself back.
At this point in her life, the therapy is going to be far more effective at changing her behavior than any other attempt to hold her responsible. If you could get her out of the position where she has authority over those she’s hurt, that would be great – and she would agree with that, but Clint has killed that plan.
i mean: like: i think it’s pretty clear that ruth needs a healthier way to manage her feelings, and most of what is being done by the school is to help her do that. they got her on medication. they have her seeing a therapist. those are the appropriate routes to learning how to manage emotion.
asma as a bystander is not the appropriate route to learning how to manage those emotions, because 1) she is not a professional and 2) she is just one person. she is not responsible for anybody’s emotions or actions but her own. she cannot be responsible for ruth’s management of her emotions.
there is a level of which being that direct can be really harmful and in some ways deplete someone’s ability to handle their emotions. like. yes. if someone is out of line, pull them aside and say so. but pulling them aside and saying so makes a big deal out of something that could be dealt with a lot more subtly and gracefully, and with more consideration for everybody’s feelings. and that is the kind of invisible emotional labor that makes everyone’s lives run more smoothly.
honestly? asma could hold ruth accountable by just. not liking her anymore. or being slightly abrasive in the future to her. or doing what rachel did, and being explicitly unhappy with her. there are a lot of things that you can do to express a viewpoint.
but there aren’t a lot of things that are the kind or generous or perceptive thing to do. and i think that recognizing that this isn’t who Ruth is is all three of them, and that offering her help is the best way to get her onto another route.
Ok, Ruth, now say:” I’m incredibly sorry, I didn’t know you were under the chair and though it it was safe to vent on it. I didn’t want to shout at Asma again, who hasn’t done anything to deserve it anyway.”
Anger is energy. Part of depression (or at least a flavor of it) is using all your other energy to keep the anger down. So, yeah, I’d rather have Ruth venting on unoccupied chairs than going back into depression. The problem is, with Ruth’s reputation, even venting at unoccupied chairs will be read as a threat by some and not as a try to keep sane in an insane situation.
Poor Amber. I wonder if she really heard “Sir”‘s threats or was so busy with playing that the attack on her chair came totally out of the blue.
Or, if she’s able to be a little more open: “Oh no, Amber I’m sorry. It was my granddad.” and then Amber’s like “Why does it always have to be dads” and they bond.
I know. Not likely.
Two girls with rage problems, extremely shitty male relatives and little brothers… well Howard beats Amber’s little bro without even trying.
I know it would look bad on her resume but I’d love to see Amazigirl going all Bane on Clint.
Welp that’s Ruth realizing there were witnesses to what, in her eyes, is an intense public humiliation.
It’s just so, so fucked up the way these things make you feel shame and embarrassment even though you’re very much not the one making an ass of yourself in the eyes of onlookers.
And oooh I bet Ruth remembers the shit dad she had thrown out of the building :>
(I hope Asma doesn’t hold this reaction against Ruth… then again if she hadn’t encountered shit like that in close quarters she wouldn’t know not to)
Yeah, the way our society sees it as more shameful to receive abuse than to give abuse is pretty fucked. And yeah, it gets internalized in things like this.
Of course, the abusers also reinforce that themselves.
It’s almost like they have a vested interest in keeping things that way…
Anyone else hoping we can see more of Asma in the future? We really haven’t seen enough of her yet.
yes please
More Asma.
But even more Sayid.
A nerd under every rock ‘mIright?
Panel 5: [Insert Metal Gear Alert Noise]
Would Ruth have the red exclamation mark or would Amber? 😉
Yes.
It’s cool to get mad at someone being a dick. But if you see someone go through what Ruth just went through and you give her the stink eye for telling you to shut up when you talk to her then you’re the asshole.
okay i think you’re really going overboard there bc giving someone the stink eye when they yell at you to shut up after you reach out to them is justified even if you understand why they did that >_> and if Asma is new to the whole ‘interacting with a victim of abuse’ thing, she’s quite likely to not understand why
But also there’s the version that the stink-eye was actually aimed at Sir Grandpa for doing that to Ruth, so, y’know, there’s that.
Gotta agree. Especially because Ruth didn’t only tell her to just “shut it” but added that second phrase that I’d personally would also find very insulting. Even if it’s essential part of how she treats or talks to people normally, if you just want to ask someone whether they’re okay and they not only tell you to shut up but also to “shut yer ass” I’d think most people would at least give them such a look as displayed above. Because it’s REALLY frustrating to not be the cause of someone’s anger but get this anger taken out on you via insults (can be pretty harmful too, depending on the kind of insults).
There’s also the simple fact that when you get shut down like that, it can hurt, it can feel frustrating. Like, just as a natural emotional reaction.
Like, you can know it is wrong to express that because the person who lashed out is going through an immensely awful time and didn’t really mean anything but that they want to be alone in shutting it down. But you still have the feelings nonetheless.
And I think Asma does the right thing here. She tries to check in, that gets shut down and she gets lashed out at and feels a negative emotion in response to that, but she doesn’t push that on to the person hurting and raging and not able to receive that support right now. She just sort of quietly feels her emotion instead.
And honestly, that’s a hard lesson to learn as a new adult.
Very true and very well said.
It can be very difficult to not simply act upon those feelings of frustration and mirror the anger or behaviour (being shouted at – to not shout back).
Even if she’s had some training Asma can’t possibly know she’s dealing with abuse from one instance of family members getting angry and yelling at each other. There is such a thing as catching people at a low point, which is different form the continuing pattern that abuse is made of.
Also, let’s be honest, like all right-thinking people she probably doesn’t like Ruth because she _can_ confirm that Ruth is an abusive asshole from a long-running pattern of behavior. That’s likely reducing her capacity to feel bad about the RA getting what is superficially a much milder version of what she so freely dishes out all the time.
That’s kind of the thing about being a colossal jerk who abuses your position of authority– when you have real problems none of the people you weren’t there for when you were taking a paycheck to supposedly help with their problems are probably not going to react with immediate sympathy and offers of comfort.
“Asma can’t possibly know she’s dealing with abuse from one instance of family members getting angry and yelling at each other.”
From yesterday’s comic:
“Ruth. Do not disappoint me again. Next time, I will not be so diplomatic. I won’t tiptoe around facts such as this girl being a drunk driver. And that your actions disgrace your dead mother and your degenerate father. Next time, I will remember how little you apparently cared for them after all.”
I would appreciate your explanations for this phrase that DON’T involve a serious, terrifying amount of emotional manipulation and abuse, of the kind that Asma CLEARLY recognizes, judging by her response here.
By which I mean, to quote Will Riker, “No you CAN’T, don’t even TRY.”
I get that in your background you had to deal with situations of abuse that weren’t clear-cut, but the rest of us have been saying for WEEKS how obvious it is from every comic that he’s an abuser. People have been meticulously noting down every single way that he’s raised red flags in every interaction on-panel, just to be told over and over again that we’re jumping to conclusions. And now you’ve come along to tell us that it’s impossible to recognize exactly the signs that dozens of commenters have recognized, that you just can’t KNOW someone is abusive unless you’ve observed long enough to establish that it really is a pattern, and not just “someone saying emotionally devastating things to someone in their care because they’ve had one bad day.”
Someone saying THAT. Someone saying THOSE THINGS. Does not require additional verification. Asma at least has enough information to say “Holy shit, that is an impossibly fucked up thing to say to another human being, no matter what I personally think of Ruth.” There is no way to get around this one. That was very clearly not only intended to be the most damaging thing he could say, but also a very clear and unsubtle threat.
Besides what 3-I said, it’s also worth noting that Asma was present for the entire conversation. The entire conversation where Ruth’s only words were “Sir,” “Yes Sir,” “Ciaran,” and a mumble under her breath. That is not ‘family members yelling at each other’, that is grandpa fucking tearing into an almost entirely passive Ruth from start to finish.
Yeah, understanding what Ruth’s feeling doesn’t mean she has to put up with being treated like that.
Asma has feelings too. If we can forgive for Ruth lashing out because of the nasty way Clint was just treating her, then it’s hypocritical to blame Asma for being upset at Ruth for being a jerk to her.
Yup, feelings are feelings. They are going to exist one way or another and trying to suppress even feeling them that tends not to work out in the long run.
Is that how you read those expressions? I read them as some mix of frustrated, displeased, puzzled, and determined, but in no way glowering at Ruth herself.
Sometimes, I wonder what it’s like to have one’s head so far up one’s own ass. I bet it’s like touching the mind of some ancient, deep being, influencing you from within the halls of its lost city.
No. Making a disapproving face at someone who snaps at you for no valid reason, right as you’re trying to make sure they’re okay, does not make you the asshole in that situation.
I guess we’ll have to #DeleteAsma, though, so let’s get this train a-rollin’.
ALL ABOARD, MOTHERFUCKERS. CHOO-CHOOOOO!
Ohh….that’s two personalities meeting up, especially if you think about how Amber got provoked by her father back then to burst out in anger in much similar ways (though I know, it’s more complicated than that).
This might get VERY interesting!
Oh god fucking dammit Ruth.
The thing is, this is pretty much exactly how Ruth reacted when Billie stepped in when Clint was threatening her after Chloe gave her the RA job back. Ruth’s look of horror when she finds Amber under the chair is partly “oh my god, there was a PERSON in there,” and partly “oh my god, I KEEP DOING THIS,” IMO.
Hope everyone makes it out ok after today.
Yeah, that’s a good point that this is probably both emotions at the same time and it’s probably a habit she desperately wants to break.
So to a) nearly hurt someone, someone who she knows has been abused like her and for whome she has really tried to reach out (for all the spoons she had at the time to do so) and b) repeat the action she worried was the thing that she worried scared off Billie at a time she needed her the most ( http://www.dumbingofage.com/2017/comic/book-7/03-the-thing-i-was-before/hotwater/ ). That can’t feel good and I worry that she’ll turn this into a self-cudgel as she’s going to be in a strong self-cudgeling mood thanks to “sir’s” master-class mindfuck.
Asma is cool and good my friends. Can we have more?
I like the promise of “whoops now Asma’s important” a lot more than “whoops now Mary’s important”.
Hope Ruth brought her inhaler, ‘cos she’s about to catch a bad case of ASMA
I’m wondering if Ruth is going to just end up with all her troubles pouring out to Asma and Amber. As a consequence, if he’s still in town, Clint may get a strong case of Amazi-Girl and Sal.
I doubt it. Theres no way the media wont be down a black girl and masked vigilante’s throats for beating up an elderly veteran. Amazi girl might, since secret identidy but the guy seems to be built like a brick, so even with the cane it might be tougher then the previous evil dads she had to face.
But I doubt Sal would. At least publicly. The last thing she needs is that kinda shit.
Would make a great wrestling tagline.
Asma didn’t take this job to babysit you dang kids
One of many great things about this comic; I really don’t know what’s going to happen next. And I don’t mean in a zany, off-the-wall way, but in a story-has-so-many-variables way.
Ruth is hurting so bad. Asma didn’t deserve that but I hope she realizes she just saw a few frames in a long movie.
things I’d like to see next:
*Asma walks over, puts the chair back, and tells Ruth to hit the gym (…oh right that’s what I’m avoiding right now)
*Ruth finds the strength to apologize to them both
*Sal walks in and hilariously misinterprets the situation, somehow defusing the tension
and now I’m wondering if Lars has similar reasons for his shitty behaviour (beyond what’s revealed in seasons 3-5)
Well…
at least, unlike Walky, Ruth knows Asma’s name?
I feel this storyline down to my BONES. Up to, and including, being a total shit to other people who were just trying to help, because DO NOT TALK TO ME ABOUT THIS OR I’M GONNA CRY IN PUBLIC AND IF THAT HAPPENS I WILL JUST DIE OF UTTER HUMILIATION.
Jesus, poor Asama. Poor Amber. Poor Ruth.
Poor PomperaFirpa.
Hahahahaha
Nice form on that kick. And how did Ruth do that without the chair flattening Amber?
Not to be picayune, but Ruth is left-handed, so this right-footed kick is noticeable.
Sorry, Roborat, my post was supposed to be at the bottom, not a reply.
But, yes, it’s not easy to kick something that substantial without hurting a toe.
Dan Carter probably the greatest 1st five to ever play rugby was right handed but kicked with his left foot and Sir Richard Hadlee, one of the greatest bowlers to ever play cricket bowled right arm but batted left handed
That chair went up in an arc. Must have just cleared her head, happening too fast for her to even twitch.
Well, I think most of Amber was tucked into the other chair, so it only needed to clear her knees.
And even if it was only kicked hard enough to pivot on the far arm, it would clear her nicely.
It looks to me like Amber is sitting pretty far forward; she clearly occludes the arm of the remaining chair.
And yes, if it were only kicked hard enough to pivot, that pivot would clear Amber. But it was kicked hard enough to lift it entirely off the ground, and put it in a flat spin (note the chair’s legs). I don’t see it tumbling sideways the way you’re picturing.
It does look to me like it should have hit Amber on the way up.
My prediction:
Hall meeting > Ruth breaks down and apologizes to everyone > Mary uses this as an excuse to attack > Ruth almost hits her but instead tells her off.
> Billie hits her.
“Oh. Um. Hey, Amber. Did ya hear they let me come back as RA?”