you can care for everything/everyone but time is finite so what you use your time on shows what you care for more than what you say. this shows her priority with you walky so sit down and let her do this.
Compared to all that helping Walky with math is easy!……hours later….Somehow they ended up having sex instead of learning anything! Where’s a whitebread dork when you need him??
I fear that the reason Walky’s putting her off is less selfless than you think. It could be because he doesn’t actually want to put in the effort to drag himself out of the trouble he’s into. I think he’s more afraid of having to try than he is of failing.
He’s already tried and couldn’t figure out how to properly study himself. Failure is something he hasn’t had to deal with and doesn’t know how to deal with it so he’s panicking.
he is so used to success without much or any attempts to be so so he never learned to ask for help before. or maybe asking for help makes him feel like a bigger failure than just admitting he needs help.
Walky doesn’t realize that Dorothy needs this as much as he does. She needs a problem that can be fixed, something that has a clear and achievable goal within her capacity to help and Walky’s capacity to accomplish.
Fixing Billy’s depression is intangible and it will months or years before we know it worked. But helping Walky improve his grades can be done right now. Dorothy needs this
Well, what Walky really needs is to go to his TA – who had actually offered to help – find out how much he missed, what he needs to do to recover, and ask questions about whatever he doesn’t understand. But this is good in the mean time.
I’m not great with the flow of time in the comic. How long has Walky actually been skipping class? One or two weeks maybe?
I’m sure if he had a better relationship with his sister, he could talk to her, and she could direct him to Danny, and then the two of them could date once Dorothy leaves for Yale, and my fanfic will finally be complete.
I agree to an extent, but I think Dorothy *also* needs caring friends to stress what Walky stresses here: that trying to be everything for everyone not only isn’t feasible, but isn’t good for her. Giving Dorothy a manageable problem to solve is a short-term solution to affirm her self-worth, not a long-term one. Until she learns to recognize her own limits – heck, until she learns to fully recognize her own feelings and to stop deferring them in the name of an imagined, ideal future she thinks she has to earn – she’ll keep ending up in situations she can’t fix and letting them eat away at her. Walky’s words here, as flawed and mired in his own self-esteem issues as they are, are striking at an uncomfortable truth she’s going to have to face eventually.
Muzak was a company selling background music for retail stores, elevators etc. The name is a portmanteau of “musik” and “Kodak”, even though it has nothing to do with the “Kodak” brand other than the Muzak founder being intrigued by the made-up word “Kodak” being used as a trademark.
Muzak is still a brand for such music and has colloquially become synonymous with this type of music and the technical infrastructure to distribute it or play it back. “Hacking” such infrastructure (taking control over it despite not owning it, e.g. by exploiting technical vulnerabilities of the system) would supposedly allow anyone to force their own choice of music to be played instead of the typical Muzak sound.
Narrator: Joyce stepped back into her office, she took her coat off and hanged it on the hook along with her hat.
Joyce (monologue): R R R…
Narrator: Joyce sat at her desk and pulled out a file folder, she flipped through a few papers. She had managed to procure copies of most of her friends hand writings. Danny, Becky, and Dorothy had given them freely, while others such as Billy’s and Mary’s involved a bit of trickery.
First Joyce compared Mary’s handwriting, and found that it didn’t match at all. Next she checked through a series of papers, attempting to compare the R seen on note to the R’s of her possible suspects. However nothing seemed to match.
Joyce (monologue): This is pointless, anyone in the city could have done it, and I can’t check everyone’s handwriting, besides who the heck would leave a note on their murder victim? Wait a second…wasn’t Roz Mary’s roommate?
Narrator: Dumping her papers on the desk, Joyce left the room and walked down the hallway, it was late, and she hoped that Roz would still be up. Soon she came across Roz’s room, with the door ajar and Roz inside listening to music on her phone, while looking at a magazine with only a bra and panties on. Joyce wished she had knocked.
Roz looked over, seized up Joyce for a second, before pointing one finger up. Joyce shut the door and could here the sounds of someone getting dressed quickly in a small room. Finally, the door swung open and Roz stood with her left hand on the door way.
Roz: What are you doing?
Joyce: I’ve been investigating Mary’s murder, and since you’re her room…
Roz: I didn’t do it.
Joyce: Why does everyone assume that I’m going to think they did it!? They found this R on her.
Narrator: Roz snatched the note from Joyce’s hand and examined the font.
Roz: I recognize this handwriting…it belongs to my sister!
Joyce: Riley?
Roz: no
Narrator: Joyce’s pocket begin to vibrate, and she yanked out her phone.
Joyce: Hello?
Ruth: Joyce…I’m really sorry…but there’s been another attack.
Joyce: who?
Ruth: Two of your brothers…one is dead the others in a coma. Both had the R in their hands.
Guys I need to take a quick break from my usual lurker/sporadic commenter status, I could really use some reassurance that I’m not overreacting to a situation. The father of a friend of mine hit her mother and then said she’s lucky he didn’t have a knife in him because they would both be dead. Call me crazy but that sounds like a fucking threat. My friend doesn’t want me to call the police. My SO is saying I’m overreacting and that my imagination is too active. I don’t know what to do
Hey Derek, that is super fucked up! You’re not overreacting. That is a threat and is not ok. I think there is a thing where you can call the police and say you dont want to press charges but you want to put it on the record if something happens in the future. Maybe suggest that to your friend.
If i were you i would be looking up domestic violence resources for your friend and/or your friend’s mom.
Your friend probably doesn’t want to call the cops because she (is your friend a she?) still loves her dad so doesn’t want him in trouble or taken from her, and/or she fears his reaction to having cops called on him. Those concerns are real, too.
Would your friend be willing to call Crisis Services? They aren’t the cops, they have advocates to help your friend and mom decide how to proceed safely, at their own pace.
You can call them yourself as well, to find out how to support your pal. Google ‘Crisis Services’ to find a 24-7 hotline in your area.
That is extremely threatening behaviour, it is actively warning your friend’s mom that he is capable of escalating to worse violence. You can’t force your friend or their mom to get help. But yes this is bad news.
Can you offer your friend a safe place to stay (that dad doesn’t know about) with no questions asked?
Can you get them info or resources about how to get out safely, when they are ready someday?
Don’t go in expecting to rescue them — IF they seek help or flee, it’s gonna be when they are ready, and after careful planning (to avoid dad’s escalation). It’s not going to happen tonight, might never happen at all.
This is a terrible situation, even just to witness for a friend. Try to be there for your friend, that’s the most important thing. Good luck.
Oh, and call Crisis Services, they are actually trained in this, and I’m not. Give your friend their number, too, it’s free and won’t show up on any phone bill.
Definitely not overreacting. As someone who volunteers at my local domestic violence center, that is very much domestic violence and would get a high lethality rating (risk of homicide). Use or threatened use of a weapon increases risk by 20x, threatening to kill victim and/or children increases risk by 15x. So, risk is definitely real. Very possible that your friend is also in a domestic abuse situation. If could be that they do not want you to call police because of fearing repercussions. I’d recommend calling a domestic violence center to ask for advice on it. Most DV centers have a 24 hour line that you can call. Would recommend calling the DV center before the police. Since you didn’t personally witness the event, calling police might be complicate or further endanger, but it’s not something to rule out either. If you type your area and ‘domestic violence center’ into google, you should be able to find your local center.
I hope your friend and her mother are okay soon. Keep an eye out, offer them resources, contact your crisis shelter for advice, maybe give the police a ‘not a report, but this is a thing I suspect, please keep it in mind if anything else comes up’ call. Worst comes to absolute worst, call them. Your friend might be mad, but it’s better she be mad but she and her mom be alive. But keep that as your ‘worst case’ option for now. The most practical thing to do is be there for them, and gather and offer resources. And the crisis centre call.
thank you everyone for your advice, I picked up my friend from her house and offered to take in her mother too but she refused to come with us. My friend is with me now and we forwarded the 24-hr women’s shelter phone number to her mom
You are not overreacting. But if your friend’s mom doesn’t want to press charges, the police can’t do anything and calling them could escalate the situation. There are organizations that have experts standing by 24/7 who can help you figure out what to do. Here are some phone numbers for you:
The National Domestic Violence Hotline:
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network:
1-800-656-4673
As has been said- a lot- yes, it’s absolutely a threat.
However, that doesn’t mean your instinct to call the police is the right one. Unfortunately, when it comes to abusive relationships, only the person being abused can break out. You can’t save them.
Someone suggested having the police put it on record. If they agree to do that, that may be helpful, but if they turn up at the it could make things worse.
You’ve done well to give your friend a safe place and to offer it to her mother, as well as giving her the number for resources. If you and your friend can keep contact without being at risk- such as when her father is at work- that might be helpful. But remember, you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved and your priority needs to be your own safety and that of your friend.
You’ve shown a lot of courage to do what you have. It sounds like you’ve handled it well and you’re being an excellent friend- a safe space will mean the world to your friend right now.
Hmm. Actually, three weeks ago would have been before their physical intimacy got as far as… whatever the hell they’re doing there. Maybe it’s in the future, or Dorothy wore that top again one of the days that got skipped last week.
Some of us have assumed it’s “pegging”, a form of sex where a woman uses a strap-on to penetrate a male partner, sometimes with the addition of a reach-around for increased stimulation for the male, the woman using either an additional dildo or a vibrator for her own pleasure.
I love Dorothy so much right now. And Walky… oh man! He’s failing so hard and was sure she was gonna leave him, but then when she was willing to help, he tries to convince her not to because he doesn’t want to be a burden on her when she already has so much on her plate. He has the person he sees as perfect and amazing offering to help him out of his downward spiral of stress and still puts her first at the cost of himself and she is doing the same for him. Just beautiful.
I’m flashing back to Dorothy saying of Walky, “Someone who believes in you,” when Walky told Joe “I can say I had sex with the President back when she was a hot college babe”.
Dorothy believes in her own determination. He already believes in her. If she can juggle or eliminate something to avoid burnout, this may be just the kick in the pants he needs.
Dorothy is just like: This is a problem I can solve with determination damn it. You haven’t lost faith in me and I have faith in you too and we will accomplish mathematical success.
Panel One: And yeah, that’s Dorothy. There’s a problem? I know a good way to solve it? Well what’re we waiting for? Let’s go! Dorothy is in her element solving problems here and it’s good to see her back to her energetic problem solving self.
And yeah, this isn’t what Walky expected. He expected angry rejection, not immediate offers to help. That’s a new one, especially when you’re raised by those ratfucking Walkertons.
Panel Two: And yeah, Dorothy believes in Walky. She’s never doubted for a minute he can do it if he applies himself. He’s not used to, and it won’t be fun learning, but she believes he can. It’s true sometimes things you’re not good at are things you are genuinely not good at, and cannot figure out no matter what angle you come at it from or how hard you work. But you never know unless you try. And that’s something Walky needed to hear. He’s not a failure or worthless, he just needs to learn how to fix this. He at least needs to try before he goes ‘okay, yeah, this class isn’t for me, I’m gonna look at something more my speed’.
Panel Three: Oh, Walky. </3 He really didn't see this coming. He expected to be thrown out on his ass. I mean, not only is he a man admitting failure and he hates that for toxic masculinity reasons. Another is that he's not been surrounded by an environment that treats difficulty supportively. Their parents were utter shit to Sal and part of that was because of her academic difficulties – it was one more thing that marked her off as a 'bad kid'. It was something they've fought about a lot (and while Walky probably tuned it out a lot, he knows 'they are not getting along right now'). It was one reason they can throw out for why they support Walky so much more than Sal. If Sal's being literal, they've called her a failure TO HER FACE at least once because she of her struggles with school, and if she's not being literal they've definitely said things that boiled down to that or at least gave her that impression and let her have that impression for years afterwards. That is where Walky is coming from here. "Failure" is shamed and punished. Failure is not something he's allowed to grow from and work through and be supported through. That's just not the done thing. No wonder he looks all glassy eyed near tears.
Panel Four: And Dorothy knows where he's going with this and it's not good for her state of mind either. Of course she's perfect, so how can she possibly relate to him and of course she'd leave right? That's not her. That has never been Dorothy. But it's something she's been getting a lot lately and it is angering her.
But Walky's saying the opposite – she's too good to bother herself with a failure like him, so she doesn't need to try.
Panel Five: And yeah, this is true. Dorothy has been super busy since school started. She barely has time to scratch herself, never mind take on more responsibility via tutoring. This is something that could be done by telling him 'talk to your TA' (you know, if he had a competent one, which he doesn't, but that's not something either of them know – as far as they know, Jason's a miracle worker who brought Sal's grade up to a B). And it's sweet to see Walky telling Dorothy to prioritize her well being and self care. She will hit a nasty, nasty burn out soon if she doesn't. And she deserves time off dammit, she's 18.
Panel Six: And it's hitting Dorothy how sweet this is. After the RA thing has kicked off, Dorothy's self esteem is taking a thrashing. And while it isn't on the same scale as, say, heavy mental illness or worrying about your girlfriend being hospitalized, burning out and forgetting about yourself is not good. Having someone acknowledge a problem she can have, and a flaw being acknowledged, and having someone say 'please, you are worth taking care of, please look after yourself' is everything.
Panel Seven: But no. The thing that makes Dorothy soar and feel good and energized is challenges and helping people and getting things done. It's a good thing – when it's measured and in addition to self care. That's not a lesson Dorothy is willing to learn yet. That there's such a thing as too much hard work. That you can overextend yourself. Right now, there is a problem and someone needs help and she knows how to address this problem and she will prove you can ALWAYS OVERCOME BRICK WALLS DAMMIT. No, not always, as she'll learn, but this time I think she's right that he can. That'll be another day's lesson. She is proving her philosophy right here. And helping Walky. And that matters to her, so she is keeping her game face on and screw silly things like 'not passing out from exhaustion'. She will get things done.
It's both inspiring when healthy and worrying when you think, as I do, she's on a collision course with a bad case of burnout.
Walky has grown up to see “effortless performance” as integral to his self image. Smart People (and Walky is Smart) don’t need to study. And Good Kids (and Walky is The Good One) always do well in school. And Men (and Walky is a Man *punch* – sorry for the AT4W joke there I couldn’t help myself) never ask for help or for directions. Men can handle everything on their own.
…. add it all up and Walky is a recipe for academic disaster at the university level. He doesn’t know how to study. Furthermore, he thinks studying is for Other People (not Smart People like him). He doesn’t know how to tell when he’s in trouble with a subject material until it blows up in his face. He doesn’t know how to take corrective action on a course. He doesn’t know how to ask for help when he needs it – and even if he did know how to ask for help, he wouldn’t because by failing a test He is a Failure and Deserves To Fail and is a Worthless Lost Cause like Sal.
…. fuck I hate the Walkertons with their Golden Child/Problem Child bullshit.
All of this. I’ve seen some people speculate he doesn’t want to study because effort and while that may be a little bit of his motive, I believe that, at this moment, his stated motives are genuine and farther up the priority ladder than being lazy.
And yes, the Walkertons are my least favourite parents for shit like this. They fucked their kids up SO MUCH and they’re not going to go to jail for it, unlike Toedad and unlike Blaine could have. This is not a rant I want to go into but HOLY FUCK THE WALKERTONS.
Well, he’s not just doing “math”… he’s doing Calculus. I was always really good at math, and actually enjoyed doing it… unlike life, there were definite answers to be found and deduced. But then I took Calculus… and it was the first class I ever failed… because it made no freaking sense. And I was taking it not because it was for a program, or future prospects… I just thought I could handle it.
That F ruined my chances to get into the school I wanted right out of High School, and had to attend community college for a year to get my grades up to transfer to a 4 year school. Disrupted my life for a good 2 years, and my Senior year of High School was not the cake walk it was supposed to be (and was for just about everyone else in my graduating class).
Does Walky really need Calculus for his major? Because there’s no shame in realizing you just can’t do something, and trying to drop it. Took me a long time to figure that out.
He needs a math for his major. It’s either this, some form of finite mathematics (I hate math and refuse to do it, so I dunno if that’s harder or easier) or some combo of both class.
It’s like this. Every math class in high school is set up with the philosophy of “let’s get them ready for and into calculus”. Sure it has some OTHER applications, but it’s meant to channel you that direction. By the time you hit calculus, you’re sitting on top of about 5 previous courses of math (at least).
Whereas, your typical freshman-level course in Finite has the philosophy of, “gee, look at all this stuff we COULD have been teaching them instead of Calculus prep. Linear algebra. Game theory. Graph theory. SO MUCH COOL STUFF! Let’s give them a couple weeks each of the intro level of each of these things.”
Because it’s intro-level, rather than needing a string of 5 pre-reqs (though to be fair, you do need some of the same pre-reqs, like matrix arithmetic), and because we’re just doing basic overview, it will be super-easy. But it also gets you a lot of breadth which the calculus track is sorely lacking, and introduces you to a lot of FUN math with lots of useful applications and you’d never imagine it existed if you didn’t take that course.
But all those topics, once you get past their intro levels, are just as challenging and robust as calculus. You just won’t get past the intro levels in a Finite Math course.
I took two years of ‘university prep’ math and then I said ‘you know what? I looked ahead and none of the degrees I intend to pursue or have as a back up require university math, and my teachers may think I’m good at it, but I hate doing it, it stresses me out, and it’s not something I want to do ever, so WHY AM I HERE?’ and for my last math I promptly took ‘university and college math’ which is a bit easier, as it focuses on college level as well. What I should’ve taken was ‘life skills math’ because apparently that’s the stuff that ended up being useful (taxes, budgeting, etc.) Goddammit, my school, for not pushing that on the university track kids.
Disagree. Calculus has about two major concepts you need to get your head around, with a third in Calc III, and then once you have the conceptual side it’s practice and memorization. It gets marginally trickier in Differential Equations, and the concept load jumps a bit, but it’s not that bad. Discrete math on the other hand tends to be all sorts of brutal on the concept side from day one.
Calculus is one of those subjects that really needs a good teacher to be easy to learn, and it requires a visual mind to be able to process it (the “area under the curve” analogy and the “Slope of the tangent” analogy both need to make sense and need to be tools you can use to visualize the problem and figure out what your integration boundaries should be or else the rest of it doesn’t work).
Problem is, IME, most calculus teachers are horrible at teaching it, and just go, “Oh, you don’t understand? You’re just not trying hard enough. Try harder.”
(and I say that as one of those freaky math weirdos who derived calculus independently at around age 8…)
Yes! I had an amazing calculus teacher in my last year of high school – her and the really talented physics teacher the year before really cemented in my mind that a huge proportion of teaching skill ultimately is talent. They were just both excellent at distilling key concepts. (Obviously you can learn it to one degree or another, but talent is very noticeable.)
Yes, he could probably still just drop the class and take an easier math class next semester.
And then he’d hit the same wall in some other class, maybe a couple years later and would have far less options in terms of fixing it. Or he can learn now how to study, pass the Calc class and be in a much better place for the rest of college.
I almost wish the class he was having trouble in wasn’t Math. I suspect that would change the responses to it.
Still, the point of this story arc isn’t “Dumb Walky, drop it and take easier classes”, but “Walky learns he’ll need to actually work at some things and even ask for help. And that’s okay.”
From Walky’s point of view, he doesn’t want another person he’s fond of to get depressed. He’s mostly a goof, but every now and then he’s showing some surprisingly good insight to people, and he can just too easily imagine Dorothy burning herself out on being a giving tree. He’s seen the results of that happening once, and he’d hate to see it again.
And this makes me glad. That whatever else he is, he will still be there for those that he cares about. That he will occasionally (and as he grows, I think it’ll be less and less occasional) notice these things and try to stop them. Good for Walky!
But that’s not the only reason he’s trying to stop her.
See, he also doesn’t think he’s worthy of her help. He honestly thought she would dump him over this. His own self-esteem is completely broken right now. He’s not just being concerned, he’s also listing the reasons how Dorothy is too busy because he thinks he -should- be dumped over this, instead of being helped.
Why would he think that? Well, quite possibly because he’s grown up in a society that downright despises people that are in need of help. That constantly mocks and belittles those that needs a hand, while then gladly giving more help to those that are already managing to do perfectly fine on their own (or who got the right kind of help, such as a huge inheritance).
Needing help, or even worse, accepting help is weak, it’s pathetic, it’s un-American. Only -losers- need help, and Walky doesn’t want to be a loser. Not good for Walky. At all.
So both a very good and a very bad reason motivate Walky right now.
That’s a good parallel. Add a dose of hopelessness as well. He has seen Billie crashing down as she tries to help those around her. His own attempts at helping Billie has been less than stellar. He has seen how little help Sal got – and how little she benefited from it. And, as you note, he doesn’t think he is worthy of help to begin with.
And of course there’s the OTHER reason he doesn’t want her helping him.
Because he doesn’t want to study.
More specifically, he doesn’t want to confront the exasperation, frustration, self-doubting, and hard work that comes with studying, possibly magnified by some flavor of ADHDish learning disability.
Dorothy’s about to force him to do that.
So this altruism of his to get her to give up on him? Is kind of a great-sounding rationalization for avoiding stuff he doesn’t want to do.
I was thinking about how that might also be part of it indeed.
Though I do not think it’s any learning disability per se. Remember that Walky’s pretty much surfed on good grades up until now, because whenever he’s been told something, it just plain settled in his brain without him even trying to.
The problem with that ability is that it’s not limitless. And once you do find the limit, and find out you have to actually work to make it settle… You have no idea how to. Because you never learned how to work to learn. You have no self-discipline whatsoever, because you never needed it.
I have first hand experience of this, first starting to reach the limit around A level (16-18) and then having it really set in at university.
It’s exactly as you say. My self discipline is still crap to this day.
Suddenly you have to actually study, and encounter for the first time what Reltzik accurately described as “the exasperation, frustration, self-doubting, and hard work that comes with studying”, and you have no idea how to handle it and it’s kinda terrifying.
You should’ve seen the comment field on the days when Walky first met said wall. Dozens and dozens of people sharing essentially the same story of surfing through and not learning self-discipline for learning. Until they met the wall.
I would have been one as well, but I was able to avoid such a fate by accidentally taking Latin as my second language in high school (they stopped teaching German and French my first two options, the year I entered meaning I was stuck taking my third choice language). That was hell. Still gave me self-discipline and self-control, so it wasn’t a complete waste.
Panel 1: I’ve stated I’ve worried about Dorothy before. That she’s at risk for a nervous breakdown because of how hard she pushes herself and how little she seems to reach out for emotional support and request it. And I stand by that.
But I stand by it a little less strongly, because here I think we’re seeing more and more signs that “doing stuff” is part of Dorothy’s battery of coping strategies. And that’s totally valid.
And it’s nice to see her so energized by the chance to do something productive to help someone. This sort of activity is what helps her feel stabilized and on point and she’s doing this still shaking off the effects of a massive amount of boozeahol. Cause it means her breakneck pace may be what sustains her and I can respect that on a level, cause I’m definitely inclined that way a lot of the time. I don’t idle well and it’s clear Dorothy doesn’t either.
But that’s also why I still worry about her, cause I know from my own experience that keeping busy merely delays the mental breakdown rather than stops it entirely and someday she’s going to have a stack of work and no spoons to deal with it. Cause it happens to us all.
Panel 2: But one thing that’s perpetually interesting about Dorothy is she’s a fixer and Walky has been very healthy for her, because it’s reminded her that there’s a right and wrong time to try to fix stuff for a person and it’s when they ask you for that help, not before.
And it’s clear that Dorothy has been waiting for a good long while to spring into action on something to help her clearly suffering beau.
Panel 3-4: Oof, god damn toxic masculinity. This pernicious cultural phenomenon means that guys in crisis have been pummeled with messages that if they ever show that crisis to their partners or ask their partners for help, that they’ll become “unmanly” and their partners will leave them or otherwise despise them for being so “weak”.
And the sickest part of that messaging is that it doesn’t always feel connected to the masculinity per se. Just that reaching out would be “bad” in some vague way and that one’s partner will respond poorly if you do. Hell, in some ways, that’s one piece of toxic messaging I haven’t fully shaken off.
And it sucks to see Walky so devastated by that, his eyes pleading with Dorothy here. He really did expect the worst if he admitted to not being “shiny” by his personal metrics of what that means.
I honestly think Dorothy is on top of things. We have seen again and again how she actually can take breaks, and even when she has some stupid multitasking project going on (“writing thesis on my phone”) she usually ends up allowing herself some recreation anyway (“Falling asleep with Walky while watching Frozen”). Like Danny said, her “fun” is measured and controlled, but it’s fun nevertheless.
And Walky gave her something she really needed right now – a problem she can solve.
And poor, poor Walky :(. Yup. That’s the toxic message he grew up with. The one about the hundred prince, who won and got the princess thanks to his innate virtues (being pure, being brave, being smart, whatever is applicable). Not the one about the 99 princes who came before and didn’t make it, not about the ones that came after and had to earn their victory. Either you are a winner, or you are a looser. And that’s a really horrible message when your self esteem takes a hint and you start worrying about being in the looser category.
Not just a problem she can solve, but an answer to one of the problems that she’s been worrying about but hasn’t been able to do anything for. She’s known something’s up with Walky, but hasn’t been able to get to what it is. Now she knows and can go into proper fix-it mode. 🙂
So not just a problem she can solve, which she did need, but the answer to one of the problems she couldn’t solve.
Panel 4: And I love that Dorothy just shuts that down hard.
It’s just… yes, Dorothy. Perfect.
Panel 4-5: And in return, we get Walky in a crowning moment of awesome. Cause this, this right here is why Dorothy loves him. He recognizes all her accomplishments and efforts (which is huge, women’s work tends to be rendered invisible in our culture). He highlights them. He values them.
And he does it while validating her stress levels, the high pile of work, and encourages self-care and boundaries. Letting her know that she’s got a huge amount on her plate and she’d be well within her rights to walk away right now from helping him on this and it would genuinely be okay.
Cause I don’t think Dorothy’s ever gotten that before in this comic. Someone saying it’s okay for her to prioritize herself and practice genuine self-care and boundaries. And that acknowledgement that she shouldn’t force herself to be the fixer to everyone, that that could be overwhelming on top of everything else she’s volunteered herself to do.
And yeah, it’s an important message. It’s a message I’ve had to give to overachiever student types. That it’s okay to say no to things, even things that won’t get done unless you say yes. And it’s necessary to make sure self-care is part of the whole process cause no one can survive on work alone.
Panels 6-7: And that beautiful show of respect and just boyfriending of the highest level from Walky is also why Dorothy will believe in and go to Hell before she’ll back down from helping him here. Because she wants to. Because that was a beautiful moment and damn if she isn’t going to show him the same because they are doofuses in love.
She recognizes he’s right, but this is so sweet, so beautiful, she’s going to push herself and find the spoons to do this no matter what.
And it shows the power of this couple and how amazing they can be and how they bring out each other’s best qualities and see the things that others can’t always see in them.
Agreed, they both bring fort the best in each other, and it is beautiful. Walky stepping up and worrying about her has a healthy and an unhealthy component, as the good emperor noted above, but it really does tell Dorothy something she needs to hear.
Walky has her back. She has his. They can manage this.
“That aside, I’m not particularly worried about Dorothy’s reaction to this. What she’ll dislike about this is is him not telling her for all this time rather than him failing math in the first place. But this is Dorothy. She’s one of the most understanding people there are, and we’ve seen it over and over and over with Joyce that if you open up to her, then by the gods will she have your back! There is no reason to not assume the same will happen here.”
Yeah, I called the next two strips so hard. A moment of anger because he didn’t tell her… And then straight on to helping him!
Now, I’m not ignoring that there may be legitimate concerns about Dorothy being a giving tree… But at the same time, she’s also carrying a flame that quite a lot of us lack. She’s got a drive, a desire, a want to better not just herself, but the world. I’ll say it right now, I truly envy her that.
But the thing is… It’s really damn hard to control exactly how bright that flame should burn.
Especially when someone tells her she shouldn’t do something.
Now -I- know that Walky had one good reason to say what he said. (He also had one bad reason, but let’s ignore that for now). He wanted her to control that flame, so that it can keep on burning steadily for years and hopefully decades to come, instead of lighting up too bright and then vanish.
But just as Walky grew up in a society that looks down on those needing help, Dorothy has spent so much of her life dealing with a society telling he she can’t or shouldn’t do things “just because”. If there is anything that will push her button, it’s someone telling her she shouldn’t do something. To her, it’s like someone is trying to throw water on the flame she carries.
As she looks at Walky, her stare is turning that water into gasoline.
Please, I survived Xena and Gabrielle in the bath, I survived a metric tonne of adorable Hermionie and Luna fanfics, I have survived my little pony. I even survived Becky and Dina, even if it is a close call sometimes. Steven Universe… is a tough nut, but I made it so far.
I do admit that always human is a formidable challenge, but I will make it.
I love these two so much. Both are pretty low right now. Walky’s shameful secret is out, his facade has cracked and he is outright afraid to be dumped and rejected and shipped away to some horrible boarding school where he will never know the pleasures of cartoons and mcnuggets again (wherever he might have got THAT idea).
Dorothy is insecure about her goals and abilities, she is worried about her ability to get friends and that whole “too perfect” thing, she is worried about Joyce and Walky and in general feels that she is in over her head. And she’s drunk/hung over/somewhere in between.
And for both of them, the immediate concern is to support and help each other. Walky looks out for Dorothy and she helps him. They could do a lot worse.
Take Walky over to the math tutoring center right now. There are people there whose literal job it is to help people like him, for free. I know helping is your thing, but delegating is a useful skill too.
(When I was a math tutor, there were so many people who didn’t know we existed and it was so frustrating. I spent way too much time getting paid for doing nothing.)
In general, I agree. In Walky’s specific case, I dunno. He’s opened up to Dorothy about this, but far as the rest of the world’s concerned, he’d rather skip the class altogether than admit he has difficulties. Take him to a tutor and he’ll lie badly, never see the tutor again, and then stop talking to Dorothy about it because she tried to help him and he screwed that up as well.
I find it sweet that so many people are thinking so highly of Walky’s motives here. Personally I feel that another motive may be driving him- the feeling that he’d rather fail than work hard. I think he’s afraid of working hard, and that’s something he’d have to do RIGHT NOW. If he pretends nothing is happening he can bury his head in the sand and RIGHT NOW everything will be okay and he won’t have to do anything. Of course that means sooner or later that’d bite him in the ass hard, but humans are excellent at creating a larger ass-biting future debt in order to feel better and do what they want in the moment.
I don’t think that’s really the problem.
I think he really just doesn’t have a clue how. If anything it’s more a matter of “I shouldn’t have to because I’m smart and smart people don’t need to study, so if I need to study that means I’m dumb and worthless.”
Somebody yesterday said these two gave them a Ron/Hermione vibe but…
Walky is Carlos and Dorothy is Dorothy and they just need a Magic School Bus to sort out this learning bump.
Another side of Walky’s problem: he’s not really passionate about his major. ‘Communications’ is just a dodge from becoming a doctor, as his parents want. Walky still needs to find his true path. If Math is a part of that, then Math is just a stepping stone. Onwards and upwards!
Loading ...
Walky pulling a Itou Kaiji or what
David Walkerton: The Suffering Pariah
Kuyashii!
You two have that Gollum Smeagol thing going on with the avatars. 🙂
gollum, smeagol, booty
what have i got in my pocket?
“An elvish weapon. The master wants it for the war.”-Ugluk
(Yes I know it’s the wrong movie. They’re still talking about the same thing.)
the correct answer was pocket lint
Shrak!!!
Either a pencil or you’re very happy to see me.
its a pen. not a pencil
String or nothing!
I really, really want this to be a reply to the comment above you.
haha just realized it looks like Walky snotting thumbtacks onto Dotty XD XD XD
What has been seen cannot be unseen
It’s no use, Dorothy.
Your wizard is in another emerald city?
What, is Dorothy now the love-child of Mario and Princess Daisy? 😛
IT’S NO USE! TAKE THIS!
you can care for everything/everyone but time is finite so what you use your time on shows what you care for more than what you say. this shows her priority with you walky so sit down and let her do this.
Sure is, but you gotta admit Dorothy has some traits in common with Hermione, so she might be able to pull this one off, too.
hermoine had a time turner for the time that she was most full of time consuming events etc.
Yes that is the joke
Either that, or she has simply given up on being RA and has an opening in her schedule of doing the right thing.
Dorothy is on the job!
Bad move, Walky. You just challenged her.
Yup. That was a “bet I can” look.
And she’s going to wreck herself, if she doesn’t check herself.
Oh, I saw that as more of a “You’re probably right, but I’ll be damned if I leave you high and dry” look.
And I vote for, “That really hurts, Walky—I thought you knew me better. Of COURSE I can.”
Agreed – kind of a “Okay, I know I can’t be there for EVERYONE… but I can be there for YOU.”
Yeah, that was my read too, I think she has just about given up on becoming RA anyway.
Yeah Dorothy, being a perfectionist isn’t so bad when it comes with this kind of determination.
*Seeing your boyfriend in need fills you with determination.
She can fix him?
No, but she can help him to a place where he can fix himself.
It fills her with something.
That is what the condom is for.
Maybe not for *everyone*, but you’re her boyfriend, for fuck sake.
Well, she doesn’t need him to have good grades to…
okay I’ll shut up
You can’t rub butts with a boy whos gone back to his own state
I’m starting to think maybe these two aren’t going to bang today :/
Well, it’s a way to motivate him to study.
oh by the time she’s done with him he won’t have the energy to.
So… nekkid cuddlings instead.
…. except she’ll need to catch up on all the crap she needs to do.
“You Can’t Be You For Everyone” is gonna be the name of my next album. I’m calling dibs right now! ^_^
Wouldn’t be a bad book seven title.
I think that’s already the second subtitle to Cerberus’s forthcoming autobiography.
Compared to all that helping Walky with math is easy!……hours later….Somehow they ended up having sex instead of learning anything! Where’s a whitebread dork when you need him??
having sex with Jason in the backroom
…Danny and Jason?
That’s… I don’t know how I feel about that idea.
Jason seduces Danny in the hopes that Danny’s ability to get through to sal as a tutor will rub off on him. Among other things. (Rubbing off, I mean.)
There’s always more to learn about sex, right?
Roz may be more ‘likable’ but Dorothy genuinely cares if you have a problem and will do her best to fix it.
Wow, that was really selfless of Walky! My opinion of him just improved about 30 notches.
Dorothy’s gonna burn out 🙁 I can see it coming, a million miles away (or maybe not nearly that far off, actually).
or learn to better prioritize. although likely as a result of burning out or nearly so.
I fear that the reason Walky’s putting her off is less selfless than you think. It could be because he doesn’t actually want to put in the effort to drag himself out of the trouble he’s into. I think he’s more afraid of having to try than he is of failing.
He’s already tried and couldn’t figure out how to properly study himself. Failure is something he hasn’t had to deal with and doesn’t know how to deal with it so he’s panicking.
he is so used to success without much or any attempts to be so so he never learned to ask for help before. or maybe asking for help makes him feel like a bigger failure than just admitting he needs help.
I feel this so hard
RE: alt-text: Iunno, the “I’m Fucked” chapter sounds like it’d instead be in a health class or biology book.
Meanwhile the geography book has the “Destination: Fucked” chapter.
It’s supposed to say “Falkland Islands” but the copywriter was just having a HORRIBLE week.
“If we do this, we’ll bang OK!
Walky doesn’t realize that Dorothy needs this as much as he does. She needs a problem that can be fixed, something that has a clear and achievable goal within her capacity to help and Walky’s capacity to accomplish.
Fixing Billy’s depression is intangible and it will months or years before we know it worked. But helping Walky improve his grades can be done right now. Dorothy needs this
Well, what Walky really needs is to go to his TA – who had actually offered to help – find out how much he missed, what he needs to do to recover, and ask questions about whatever he doesn’t understand. But this is good in the mean time.
I’m not great with the flow of time in the comic. How long has Walky actually been skipping class? One or two weeks maybe?
He skipped one class yesterday. Other than that, he’s attended.
He also missed a class one time when he and Dorothy slept in.
Yes, that too, but that one wasn’t on purpose and he was still doing well at the time and for some time afterward.
Right, because Jason is such an excellent tutor.
I’m sure if he had a better relationship with his sister, he could talk to her, and she could direct him to Danny, and then the two of them could date once Dorothy leaves for Yale, and my fanfic will finally be complete.
I agree to an extent, but I think Dorothy *also* needs caring friends to stress what Walky stresses here: that trying to be everything for everyone not only isn’t feasible, but isn’t good for her. Giving Dorothy a manageable problem to solve is a short-term solution to affirm her self-worth, not a long-term one. Until she learns to recognize her own limits – heck, until she learns to fully recognize her own feelings and to stop deferring them in the name of an imagined, ideal future she thinks she has to earn – she’ll keep ending up in situations she can’t fix and letting them eat away at her. Walky’s words here, as flawed and mired in his own self-esteem issues as they are, are striking at an uncomfortable truth she’s going to have to face eventually.
+5 Insightful.
Seconded.
*plays David & David’s “Swallowed By The Cracks” on the hacked Muzak*
sorry to ask, i just hear this referred to all the time in the comments. what’s “the hacked Muzak”?
Muzak is junky elevator music remixes of more famous songs.
Stephen Bierce hacked the DoA soundtrack. Our one crack through the fourth wall.
Muzak was a company selling background music for retail stores, elevators etc. The name is a portmanteau of “musik” and “Kodak”, even though it has nothing to do with the “Kodak” brand other than the Muzak founder being intrigued by the made-up word “Kodak” being used as a trademark.
Muzak is still a brand for such music and has colloquially become synonymous with this type of music and the technical infrastructure to distribute it or play it back. “Hacking” such infrastructure (taking control over it despite not owning it, e.g. by exploiting technical vulnerabilities of the system) would supposedly allow anyone to force their own choice of music to be played instead of the typical Muzak sound.
Silly Walky, there are still stuff she can drop to help you.
Just, y’know, not the stuff she was doing before she came in here. That’s got to be addressed pretty soon.
Walky, you’re dating Dorothy Sparkle. Of course she wants to help you study.
okay, I love that.
Narrator: Joyce stepped back into her office, she took her coat off and hanged it on the hook along with her hat.
Joyce (monologue): R R R…
Narrator: Joyce sat at her desk and pulled out a file folder, she flipped through a few papers. She had managed to procure copies of most of her friends hand writings. Danny, Becky, and Dorothy had given them freely, while others such as Billy’s and Mary’s involved a bit of trickery.
First Joyce compared Mary’s handwriting, and found that it didn’t match at all. Next she checked through a series of papers, attempting to compare the R seen on note to the R’s of her possible suspects. However nothing seemed to match.
Joyce (monologue): This is pointless, anyone in the city could have done it, and I can’t check everyone’s handwriting, besides who the heck would leave a note on their murder victim? Wait a second…wasn’t Roz Mary’s roommate?
Narrator: Dumping her papers on the desk, Joyce left the room and walked down the hallway, it was late, and she hoped that Roz would still be up. Soon she came across Roz’s room, with the door ajar and Roz inside listening to music on her phone, while looking at a magazine with only a bra and panties on. Joyce wished she had knocked.
Roz looked over, seized up Joyce for a second, before pointing one finger up. Joyce shut the door and could here the sounds of someone getting dressed quickly in a small room. Finally, the door swung open and Roz stood with her left hand on the door way.
Roz: What are you doing?
Joyce: I’ve been investigating Mary’s murder, and since you’re her room…
Roz: I didn’t do it.
Joyce: Why does everyone assume that I’m going to think they did it!? They found this R on her.
Narrator: Roz snatched the note from Joyce’s hand and examined the font.
Roz: I recognize this handwriting…it belongs to my sister!
Joyce: Riley?
Roz: no
Narrator: Joyce’s pocket begin to vibrate, and she yanked out her phone.
Joyce: Hello?
Ruth: Joyce…I’m really sorry…but there’s been another attack.
Joyce: who?
Ruth: Two of your brothers…one is dead the others in a coma. Both had the R in their hands.
Calling it now, Robin’s being framed by the real culprit.
Reginald, Duke of Thingley!
I thought Reginald was Duke of Chutney!
At least, when he wasn’t being “Little John.”
I am liking this story. Question. Why was the magazine wearing a bra and panties?
Guys I need to take a quick break from my usual lurker/sporadic commenter status, I could really use some reassurance that I’m not overreacting to a situation. The father of a friend of mine hit her mother and then said she’s lucky he didn’t have a knife in him because they would both be dead. Call me crazy but that sounds like a fucking threat. My friend doesn’t want me to call the police. My SO is saying I’m overreacting and that my imagination is too active. I don’t know what to do
Um, that big time sounds like a fucking threat. You’re not wrong.
thank you, I actually glad to hear I’m not freaking out over nothing
that reply might sound sarcastic but I’m being honest
Nah, I figured you were being honest!
Hey Derek, that is super fucked up! You’re not overreacting. That is a threat and is not ok. I think there is a thing where you can call the police and say you dont want to press charges but you want to put it on the record if something happens in the future. Maybe suggest that to your friend.
If i were you i would be looking up domestic violence resources for your friend and/or your friend’s mom.
Your friend probably doesn’t want to call the cops because she (is your friend a she?) still loves her dad so doesn’t want him in trouble or taken from her, and/or she fears his reaction to having cops called on him. Those concerns are real, too.
Would your friend be willing to call Crisis Services? They aren’t the cops, they have advocates to help your friend and mom decide how to proceed safely, at their own pace.
You can call them yourself as well, to find out how to support your pal. Google ‘Crisis Services’ to find a 24-7 hotline in your area.
Do the right thing.
And good luck.
That is extremely threatening behaviour, it is actively warning your friend’s mom that he is capable of escalating to worse violence. You can’t force your friend or their mom to get help. But yes this is bad news.
Can you offer your friend a safe place to stay (that dad doesn’t know about) with no questions asked?
Can you get them info or resources about how to get out safely, when they are ready someday?
I’d add in that, if need be, call about a domestic disturbance if all else fails.
Don’t go in expecting to rescue them — IF they seek help or flee, it’s gonna be when they are ready, and after careful planning (to avoid dad’s escalation). It’s not going to happen tonight, might never happen at all.
This is a terrible situation, even just to witness for a friend. Try to be there for your friend, that’s the most important thing. Good luck.
Oh, and call Crisis Services, they are actually trained in this, and I’m not. Give your friend their number, too, it’s free and won’t show up on any phone bill.
And it’s saying that if the abuse stays unchecked, it could happen again, or worse could later.
Ok you’re not overreacting that is a major threat and a very bad sign.
Definitely not overreacting. As someone who volunteers at my local domestic violence center, that is very much domestic violence and would get a high lethality rating (risk of homicide). Use or threatened use of a weapon increases risk by 20x, threatening to kill victim and/or children increases risk by 15x. So, risk is definitely real. Very possible that your friend is also in a domestic abuse situation. If could be that they do not want you to call police because of fearing repercussions. I’d recommend calling a domestic violence center to ask for advice on it. Most DV centers have a 24 hour line that you can call. Would recommend calling the DV center before the police. Since you didn’t personally witness the event, calling police might be complicate or further endanger, but it’s not something to rule out either. If you type your area and ‘domestic violence center’ into google, you should be able to find your local center.
+1, what Larkle said
On a scale of reactions where 1 is underreaction, 10 is overreaction, and 5 is the exactly appropriate level of reaction, you are at 4.99
I hope your friend and her mother are okay soon. Keep an eye out, offer them resources, contact your crisis shelter for advice, maybe give the police a ‘not a report, but this is a thing I suspect, please keep it in mind if anything else comes up’ call. Worst comes to absolute worst, call them. Your friend might be mad, but it’s better she be mad but she and her mom be alive. But keep that as your ‘worst case’ option for now. The most practical thing to do is be there for them, and gather and offer resources. And the crisis centre call.
thank you everyone for your advice, I picked up my friend from her house and offered to take in her mother too but she refused to come with us. My friend is with me now and we forwarded the 24-hr women’s shelter phone number to her mom
Good luck! You are being a good friend.
<3
Very well done. Thank you so much for being there for your friend and her family.
What the… CALL THE DAMN COPS!
You are not overreacting. But if your friend’s mom doesn’t want to press charges, the police can’t do anything and calling them could escalate the situation. There are organizations that have experts standing by 24/7 who can help you figure out what to do. Here are some phone numbers for you:
The National Domestic Violence Hotline:
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network:
1-800-656-4673
As has been said- a lot- yes, it’s absolutely a threat.
However, that doesn’t mean your instinct to call the police is the right one. Unfortunately, when it comes to abusive relationships, only the person being abused can break out. You can’t save them.
Someone suggested having the police put it on record. If they agree to do that, that may be helpful, but if they turn up at the it could make things worse.
You’ve done well to give your friend a safe place and to offer it to her mother, as well as giving her the number for resources. If you and your friend can keep contact without being at risk- such as when her father is at work- that might be helpful. But remember, you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved and your priority needs to be your own safety and that of your friend.
You’ve shown a lot of courage to do what you have. It sounds like you’ve handled it well and you’re being an excellent friend- a safe space will mean the world to your friend right now.
“Chapter I’m-Fucked”? WTH, they’re already to applications of derivatives? MAN that’s an evil professor.
Do the right thing.
And good luck.
Posted to wrong thread; was supposed to be reply to Derek (above).
Second and third order derivatives were my undoing.
Given the new NSFW banner, I’m guessing Walky’s going to say a genuine “I love you”, and it will lead to really aggressive sex.
OOOH MATHS SO GOOD OOOH 😀
Dorothy’s wearing different clothes in the banner than she is today. I think the Slipshine is set three weeks ago.
Hmm. Actually, three weeks ago would have been before their physical intimacy got as far as… whatever the hell they’re doing there. Maybe it’s in the future, or Dorothy wore that top again one of the days that got skipped last week.
Some of us have assumed it’s “pegging”, a form of sex where a woman uses a strap-on to penetrate a male partner, sometimes with the addition of a reach-around for increased stimulation for the male, the woman using either an additional dildo or a vibrator for her own pleasure.
Yeah, Dorothy’s not having any of Walky’s giving up on himself.
I love Dorothy so much right now. And Walky… oh man! He’s failing so hard and was sure she was gonna leave him, but then when she was willing to help, he tries to convince her not to because he doesn’t want to be a burden on her when she already has so much on her plate. He has the person he sees as perfect and amazing offering to help him out of his downward spiral of stress and still puts her first at the cost of himself and she is doing the same for him. Just beautiful.
Absolutely. I love when they are fundamentally kind to each other. <3
Me too. It’s a dynamic that’s lacking in a lot of media.
Though I think part of that’s still tied up in “Why would she waste her time on a failing failure like me”.
But I can be ME for YOU!!
Walky for Mr. First Lady — or whatever you’d call it?
First caramel abs.
In Walky’s case, First Dude.
I know I can twist this into a Samwise quote if I think hard enough.
“You’re right, I can’t be me for everyone. But I can be me for you!” *picks up Walky and throws him into an active volcano*
That’s how LOTR ends, right? Sam throws Frodo into the Cracks of Doom?
Well – close enough
It was the original ending, but his publisher made him change it.
I’m flashing back to Dorothy saying of Walky, “Someone who believes in you,” when Walky told Joe “I can say I had sex with the President back when she was a hot college babe”.
Dorothy believes in her own determination. He already believes in her. If she can juggle or eliminate something to avoid burnout, this may be just the kick in the pants he needs.
And piling on the kudos with his not wanting to overload his girlfriend.
Dorothy is just like: This is a problem I can solve with determination damn it. You haven’t lost faith in me and I have faith in you too and we will accomplish mathematical success.
man i forgot how great dotty was, thanks for the reminder willis
Panel One: And yeah, that’s Dorothy. There’s a problem? I know a good way to solve it? Well what’re we waiting for? Let’s go! Dorothy is in her element solving problems here and it’s good to see her back to her energetic problem solving self.
And yeah, this isn’t what Walky expected. He expected angry rejection, not immediate offers to help. That’s a new one, especially when you’re raised by those ratfucking Walkertons.
Panel Two: And yeah, Dorothy believes in Walky. She’s never doubted for a minute he can do it if he applies himself. He’s not used to, and it won’t be fun learning, but she believes he can. It’s true sometimes things you’re not good at are things you are genuinely not good at, and cannot figure out no matter what angle you come at it from or how hard you work. But you never know unless you try. And that’s something Walky needed to hear. He’s not a failure or worthless, he just needs to learn how to fix this. He at least needs to try before he goes ‘okay, yeah, this class isn’t for me, I’m gonna look at something more my speed’.
Panel Three: Oh, Walky. </3 He really didn't see this coming. He expected to be thrown out on his ass. I mean, not only is he a man admitting failure and he hates that for toxic masculinity reasons. Another is that he's not been surrounded by an environment that treats difficulty supportively. Their parents were utter shit to Sal and part of that was because of her academic difficulties – it was one more thing that marked her off as a 'bad kid'. It was something they've fought about a lot (and while Walky probably tuned it out a lot, he knows 'they are not getting along right now'). It was one reason they can throw out for why they support Walky so much more than Sal. If Sal's being literal, they've called her a failure TO HER FACE at least once because she of her struggles with school, and if she's not being literal they've definitely said things that boiled down to that or at least gave her that impression and let her have that impression for years afterwards. That is where Walky is coming from here. "Failure" is shamed and punished. Failure is not something he's allowed to grow from and work through and be supported through. That's just not the done thing. No wonder he looks all glassy eyed near tears.
Panel Four: And Dorothy knows where he's going with this and it's not good for her state of mind either. Of course she's perfect, so how can she possibly relate to him and of course she'd leave right? That's not her. That has never been Dorothy. But it's something she's been getting a lot lately and it is angering her.
But Walky's saying the opposite – she's too good to bother herself with a failure like him, so she doesn't need to try.
Panel Five: And yeah, this is true. Dorothy has been super busy since school started. She barely has time to scratch herself, never mind take on more responsibility via tutoring. This is something that could be done by telling him 'talk to your TA' (you know, if he had a competent one, which he doesn't, but that's not something either of them know – as far as they know, Jason's a miracle worker who brought Sal's grade up to a B). And it's sweet to see Walky telling Dorothy to prioritize her well being and self care. She will hit a nasty, nasty burn out soon if she doesn't. And she deserves time off dammit, she's 18.
Panel Six: And it's hitting Dorothy how sweet this is. After the RA thing has kicked off, Dorothy's self esteem is taking a thrashing. And while it isn't on the same scale as, say, heavy mental illness or worrying about your girlfriend being hospitalized, burning out and forgetting about yourself is not good. Having someone acknowledge a problem she can have, and a flaw being acknowledged, and having someone say 'please, you are worth taking care of, please look after yourself' is everything.
Panel Seven: But no. The thing that makes Dorothy soar and feel good and energized is challenges and helping people and getting things done. It's a good thing – when it's measured and in addition to self care. That's not a lesson Dorothy is willing to learn yet. That there's such a thing as too much hard work. That you can overextend yourself. Right now, there is a problem and someone needs help and she knows how to address this problem and she will prove you can ALWAYS OVERCOME BRICK WALLS DAMMIT. No, not always, as she'll learn, but this time I think she's right that he can. That'll be another day's lesson. She is proving her philosophy right here. And helping Walky. And that matters to her, so she is keeping her game face on and screw silly things like 'not passing out from exhaustion'. She will get things done.
It's both inspiring when healthy and worrying when you think, as I do, she's on a collision course with a bad case of burnout.
Walky has grown up to see “effortless performance” as integral to his self image. Smart People (and Walky is Smart) don’t need to study. And Good Kids (and Walky is The Good One) always do well in school. And Men (and Walky is a Man *punch* – sorry for the AT4W joke there I couldn’t help myself) never ask for help or for directions. Men can handle everything on their own.
…. add it all up and Walky is a recipe for academic disaster at the university level. He doesn’t know how to study. Furthermore, he thinks studying is for Other People (not Smart People like him). He doesn’t know how to tell when he’s in trouble with a subject material until it blows up in his face. He doesn’t know how to take corrective action on a course. He doesn’t know how to ask for help when he needs it – and even if he did know how to ask for help, he wouldn’t because by failing a test He is a Failure and Deserves To Fail and is a Worthless Lost Cause like Sal.
…. fuck I hate the Walkertons with their Golden Child/Problem Child bullshit.
All of this. I’ve seen some people speculate he doesn’t want to study because effort and while that may be a little bit of his motive, I believe that, at this moment, his stated motives are genuine and farther up the priority ladder than being lazy.
And yes, the Walkertons are my least favourite parents for shit like this. They fucked their kids up SO MUCH and they’re not going to go to jail for it, unlike Toedad and unlike Blaine could have. This is not a rant I want to go into but HOLY FUCK THE WALKERTONS.
And *squeak of delight at AT4W mention*)
A) Dorothy. Still awesome.
B) Ok, Walky’s going through some serious character growth pains in these past two comics.
Well, he’s not just doing “math”… he’s doing Calculus. I was always really good at math, and actually enjoyed doing it… unlike life, there were definite answers to be found and deduced. But then I took Calculus… and it was the first class I ever failed… because it made no freaking sense. And I was taking it not because it was for a program, or future prospects… I just thought I could handle it.
That F ruined my chances to get into the school I wanted right out of High School, and had to attend community college for a year to get my grades up to transfer to a 4 year school. Disrupted my life for a good 2 years, and my Senior year of High School was not the cake walk it was supposed to be (and was for just about everyone else in my graduating class).
Does Walky really need Calculus for his major? Because there’s no shame in realizing you just can’t do something, and trying to drop it. Took me a long time to figure that out.
Walky’s majoring in Communications, because he thinks it has something to do with watching television. So, no.
I think they’re past the period where he could drop the class without repercussion, though. It’s Tuesday of the sixth week of classes.
He needs a math for his major. It’s either this, some form of finite mathematics (I hate math and refuse to do it, so I dunno if that’s harder or easier) or some combo of both class.
In the abstract, finite mathematics and calculus are neither easier nor harder than each other.
In practice, as presented in college, Finite is easier.
Huh. Neat. I don’t need more math than my 3 years in high school, so I never looked back and took easy math my final year.
It’s like this. Every math class in high school is set up with the philosophy of “let’s get them ready for and into calculus”. Sure it has some OTHER applications, but it’s meant to channel you that direction. By the time you hit calculus, you’re sitting on top of about 5 previous courses of math (at least).
Whereas, your typical freshman-level course in Finite has the philosophy of, “gee, look at all this stuff we COULD have been teaching them instead of Calculus prep. Linear algebra. Game theory. Graph theory. SO MUCH COOL STUFF! Let’s give them a couple weeks each of the intro level of each of these things.”
Because it’s intro-level, rather than needing a string of 5 pre-reqs (though to be fair, you do need some of the same pre-reqs, like matrix arithmetic), and because we’re just doing basic overview, it will be super-easy. But it also gets you a lot of breadth which the calculus track is sorely lacking, and introduces you to a lot of FUN math with lots of useful applications and you’d never imagine it existed if you didn’t take that course.
But all those topics, once you get past their intro levels, are just as challenging and robust as calculus. You just won’t get past the intro levels in a Finite Math course.
*linear programming, not linear algebra.
Ahhhhh, I see.
I took two years of ‘university prep’ math and then I said ‘you know what? I looked ahead and none of the degrees I intend to pursue or have as a back up require university math, and my teachers may think I’m good at it, but I hate doing it, it stresses me out, and it’s not something I want to do ever, so WHY AM I HERE?’ and for my last math I promptly took ‘university and college math’ which is a bit easier, as it focuses on college level as well. What I should’ve taken was ‘life skills math’ because apparently that’s the stuff that ended up being useful (taxes, budgeting, etc.) Goddammit, my school, for not pushing that on the university track kids.
Disagree. Calculus has about two major concepts you need to get your head around, with a third in Calc III, and then once you have the conceptual side it’s practice and memorization. It gets marginally trickier in Differential Equations, and the concept load jumps a bit, but it’s not that bad. Discrete math on the other hand tends to be all sorts of brutal on the concept side from day one.
That’s Discrete Math. Not Finite Math.
We won’t talk about Indiscrete Math.
It turns out that Indiscrete Topology is an Actual Thing.
The great thing about topology is that it’s applied math. Really. Applied. It’s knot theory.
Strangles Reltzik, confident no court would convict him.
so, so, so effin’ glad I didn’t need any college math for my (English) major.
Calculus is one of those subjects that really needs a good teacher to be easy to learn, and it requires a visual mind to be able to process it (the “area under the curve” analogy and the “Slope of the tangent” analogy both need to make sense and need to be tools you can use to visualize the problem and figure out what your integration boundaries should be or else the rest of it doesn’t work).
Problem is, IME, most calculus teachers are horrible at teaching it, and just go, “Oh, you don’t understand? You’re just not trying hard enough. Try harder.”
(and I say that as one of those freaky math weirdos who derived calculus independently at around age 8…)
Yes! I had an amazing calculus teacher in my last year of high school – her and the really talented physics teacher the year before really cemented in my mind that a huge proportion of teaching skill ultimately is talent. They were just both excellent at distilling key concepts. (Obviously you can learn it to one degree or another, but talent is very noticeable.)
Yes, he could probably still just drop the class and take an easier math class next semester.
And then he’d hit the same wall in some other class, maybe a couple years later and would have far less options in terms of fixing it. Or he can learn now how to study, pass the Calc class and be in a much better place for the rest of college.
I almost wish the class he was having trouble in wasn’t Math. I suspect that would change the responses to it.
Still, the point of this story arc isn’t “Dumb Walky, drop it and take easier classes”, but “Walky learns he’ll need to actually work at some things and even ask for help. And that’s okay.”
She can try until she cracks.
Don’t know your limit until you hit it.
Walky first:
“You can’t be you for everyone.”
Hmm, I could swear I’ve seen Walky express concern about someone doing too much for everyone else and forgetting to take care of themselves…
…Oh yeah.
From Walky’s point of view, he doesn’t want another person he’s fond of to get depressed. He’s mostly a goof, but every now and then he’s showing some surprisingly good insight to people, and he can just too easily imagine Dorothy burning herself out on being a giving tree. He’s seen the results of that happening once, and he’d hate to see it again.
And this makes me glad. That whatever else he is, he will still be there for those that he cares about. That he will occasionally (and as he grows, I think it’ll be less and less occasional) notice these things and try to stop them. Good for Walky!
But that’s not the only reason he’s trying to stop her.
See, he also doesn’t think he’s worthy of her help. He honestly thought she would dump him over this. His own self-esteem is completely broken right now. He’s not just being concerned, he’s also listing the reasons how Dorothy is too busy because he thinks he -should- be dumped over this, instead of being helped.
Why would he think that? Well, quite possibly because he’s grown up in a society that downright despises people that are in need of help. That constantly mocks and belittles those that needs a hand, while then gladly giving more help to those that are already managing to do perfectly fine on their own (or who got the right kind of help, such as a huge inheritance).
Needing help, or even worse, accepting help is weak, it’s pathetic, it’s un-American. Only -losers- need help, and Walky doesn’t want to be a loser. Not good for Walky. At all.
So both a very good and a very bad reason motivate Walky right now.
D’oh! I suck. I forgot that bit with Billie. That is amazing! <3 Also, hinting Dorothy is starting to move up into Billie level of care. <3
Dorks.
That’s a good parallel. Add a dose of hopelessness as well. He has seen Billie crashing down as she tries to help those around her. His own attempts at helping Billie has been less than stellar. He has seen how little help Sal got – and how little she benefited from it. And, as you note, he doesn’t think he is worthy of help to begin with.
Poor little buddy 🙁
And of course there’s the OTHER reason he doesn’t want her helping him.
Because he doesn’t want to study.
More specifically, he doesn’t want to confront the exasperation, frustration, self-doubting, and hard work that comes with studying, possibly magnified by some flavor of ADHDish learning disability.
Dorothy’s about to force him to do that.
So this altruism of his to get her to give up on him? Is kind of a great-sounding rationalization for avoiding stuff he doesn’t want to do.
I was thinking about how that might also be part of it indeed.
Though I do not think it’s any learning disability per se. Remember that Walky’s pretty much surfed on good grades up until now, because whenever he’s been told something, it just plain settled in his brain without him even trying to.
The problem with that ability is that it’s not limitless. And once you do find the limit, and find out you have to actually work to make it settle… You have no idea how to. Because you never learned how to work to learn. You have no self-discipline whatsoever, because you never needed it.
I have first hand experience of this, first starting to reach the limit around A level (16-18) and then having it really set in at university.
It’s exactly as you say. My self discipline is still crap to this day.
Suddenly you have to actually study, and encounter for the first time what Reltzik accurately described as “the exasperation, frustration, self-doubting, and hard work that comes with studying”, and you have no idea how to handle it and it’s kinda terrifying.
You should’ve seen the comment field on the days when Walky first met said wall. Dozens and dozens of people sharing essentially the same story of surfing through and not learning self-discipline for learning. Until they met the wall.
And yeah, I’m one of them too.
Me too.
I would have been one as well, but I was able to avoid such a fate by accidentally taking Latin as my second language in high school (they stopped teaching German and French my first two options, the year I entered meaning I was stuck taking my third choice language). That was hell. Still gave me self-discipline and self-control, so it wasn’t a complete waste.
He’s acting like he could have some flavor of ADHD. Not necessarily, but quite possible.
Comic Reactions:
Panel 1: I’ve stated I’ve worried about Dorothy before. That she’s at risk for a nervous breakdown because of how hard she pushes herself and how little she seems to reach out for emotional support and request it. And I stand by that.
But I stand by it a little less strongly, because here I think we’re seeing more and more signs that “doing stuff” is part of Dorothy’s battery of coping strategies. And that’s totally valid.
And it’s nice to see her so energized by the chance to do something productive to help someone. This sort of activity is what helps her feel stabilized and on point and she’s doing this still shaking off the effects of a massive amount of boozeahol. Cause it means her breakneck pace may be what sustains her and I can respect that on a level, cause I’m definitely inclined that way a lot of the time. I don’t idle well and it’s clear Dorothy doesn’t either.
But that’s also why I still worry about her, cause I know from my own experience that keeping busy merely delays the mental breakdown rather than stops it entirely and someday she’s going to have a stack of work and no spoons to deal with it. Cause it happens to us all.
Panel 2: But one thing that’s perpetually interesting about Dorothy is she’s a fixer and Walky has been very healthy for her, because it’s reminded her that there’s a right and wrong time to try to fix stuff for a person and it’s when they ask you for that help, not before.
And it’s clear that Dorothy has been waiting for a good long while to spring into action on something to help her clearly suffering beau.
Panel 3-4: Oof, god damn toxic masculinity. This pernicious cultural phenomenon means that guys in crisis have been pummeled with messages that if they ever show that crisis to their partners or ask their partners for help, that they’ll become “unmanly” and their partners will leave them or otherwise despise them for being so “weak”.
And the sickest part of that messaging is that it doesn’t always feel connected to the masculinity per se. Just that reaching out would be “bad” in some vague way and that one’s partner will respond poorly if you do. Hell, in some ways, that’s one piece of toxic messaging I haven’t fully shaken off.
And it sucks to see Walky so devastated by that, his eyes pleading with Dorothy here. He really did expect the worst if he admitted to not being “shiny” by his personal metrics of what that means.
I honestly think Dorothy is on top of things. We have seen again and again how she actually can take breaks, and even when she has some stupid multitasking project going on (“writing thesis on my phone”) she usually ends up allowing herself some recreation anyway (“Falling asleep with Walky while watching Frozen”). Like Danny said, her “fun” is measured and controlled, but it’s fun nevertheless.
And Walky gave her something she really needed right now – a problem she can solve.
And poor, poor Walky :(. Yup. That’s the toxic message he grew up with. The one about the hundred prince, who won and got the princess thanks to his innate virtues (being pure, being brave, being smart, whatever is applicable). Not the one about the 99 princes who came before and didn’t make it, not about the ones that came after and had to earn their victory. Either you are a winner, or you are a looser. And that’s a really horrible message when your self esteem takes a hint and you start worrying about being in the looser category.
Not just a problem she can solve, but an answer to one of the problems that she’s been worrying about but hasn’t been able to do anything for. She’s known something’s up with Walky, but hasn’t been able to get to what it is. Now she knows and can go into proper fix-it mode. 🙂
So not just a problem she can solve, which she did need, but the answer to one of the problems she couldn’t solve.
Oooooh, that’s true. Even better for her
Panel 4: And I love that Dorothy just shuts that down hard.
It’s just… yes, Dorothy. Perfect.
Panel 4-5: And in return, we get Walky in a crowning moment of awesome. Cause this, this right here is why Dorothy loves him. He recognizes all her accomplishments and efforts (which is huge, women’s work tends to be rendered invisible in our culture). He highlights them. He values them.
And he does it while validating her stress levels, the high pile of work, and encourages self-care and boundaries. Letting her know that she’s got a huge amount on her plate and she’d be well within her rights to walk away right now from helping him on this and it would genuinely be okay.
Cause I don’t think Dorothy’s ever gotten that before in this comic. Someone saying it’s okay for her to prioritize herself and practice genuine self-care and boundaries. And that acknowledgement that she shouldn’t force herself to be the fixer to everyone, that that could be overwhelming on top of everything else she’s volunteered herself to do.
And yeah, it’s an important message. It’s a message I’ve had to give to overachiever student types. That it’s okay to say no to things, even things that won’t get done unless you say yes. And it’s necessary to make sure self-care is part of the whole process cause no one can survive on work alone.
Panels 6-7: And that beautiful show of respect and just boyfriending of the highest level from Walky is also why Dorothy will believe in and go to Hell before she’ll back down from helping him here. Because she wants to. Because that was a beautiful moment and damn if she isn’t going to show him the same because they are doofuses in love.
She recognizes he’s right, but this is so sweet, so beautiful, she’s going to push herself and find the spoons to do this no matter what.
And it shows the power of this couple and how amazing they can be and how they bring out each other’s best qualities and see the things that others can’t always see in them.
Agreed, they both bring fort the best in each other, and it is beautiful. Walky stepping up and worrying about her has a healthy and an unhealthy component, as the good emperor noted above, but it really does tell Dorothy something she needs to hear.
Walky has her back. She has his. They can manage this.
Dorothy has some math to process
http://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-4/01-the-only-dope-for-me-is-you/downtime/
And now Dorothy:
Two days ago, I wrote the following:
“That aside, I’m not particularly worried about Dorothy’s reaction to this. What she’ll dislike about this is is him not telling her for all this time rather than him failing math in the first place. But this is Dorothy. She’s one of the most understanding people there are, and we’ve seen it over and over and over with Joyce that if you open up to her, then by the gods will she have your back! There is no reason to not assume the same will happen here.”
Yeah, I called the next two strips so hard. A moment of anger because he didn’t tell her… And then straight on to helping him!
Now, I’m not ignoring that there may be legitimate concerns about Dorothy being a giving tree… But at the same time, she’s also carrying a flame that quite a lot of us lack. She’s got a drive, a desire, a want to better not just herself, but the world. I’ll say it right now, I truly envy her that.
But the thing is… It’s really damn hard to control exactly how bright that flame should burn.
Especially when someone tells her she shouldn’t do something.
Now -I- know that Walky had one good reason to say what he said. (He also had one bad reason, but let’s ignore that for now). He wanted her to control that flame, so that it can keep on burning steadily for years and hopefully decades to come, instead of lighting up too bright and then vanish.
But just as Walky grew up in a society that looks down on those needing help, Dorothy has spent so much of her life dealing with a society telling he she can’t or shouldn’t do things “just because”. If there is anything that will push her button, it’s someone telling her she shouldn’t do something. To her, it’s like someone is trying to throw water on the flame she carries.
As she looks at Walky, her stare is turning that water into gasoline.
What’s that, Dorothy? Being grateful for finally having a problem that is right up your alley and that you think you can solve?
Good on you!
http://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-4/03-up-all-night-to-get-vengeance/shirk/
Yeah, that’s pretty much how I’m reading this. FUCK YOU HONEY I NEED CONTROL OVER SOMETHING RIGHT NOW AND GODDAMN IT I -KNOW-THIS ONE.
But come on now Walky, if she can only be amazing for a few people, shouldn’t her boyfriend be on the short list?
Oh, and Baaaaaaggeeeee!
There’s a new Always Human update!
You’ll like this one.
D’awwwwwwwwwwwww. That was even higher than their already astronomical baseline level cute!
I’m surprised your brain didn’t melt into a puddle of adorkable doofus overload.
That’s a real concern.
I’m already telling people you have probably died from adorkable cute fictional lesbian couple sensory overload.
Please, I survived Xena and Gabrielle in the bath, I survived a metric tonne of adorable Hermionie and Luna fanfics, I have survived my little pony. I even survived Becky and Dina, even if it is a close call sometimes. Steven Universe… is a tough nut, but I made it so far.
I do admit that always human is a formidable challenge, but I will make it.
What would happen if someone made a fanfic with all those things together?
….Not that I’m planning to do that.
What is this Always Human you speak of?
Webcomic about two women that are about as adorkably supercute as Becky and Dina, if not even more so (the judges are still out on that one).
http://www.webtoons.com/en/romance/always-human/1-i-guess-thats-why-i-admire-her/viewer?title_no=557&episode_no=1
Enter at your own risk…
It’s now past 6:30am, and it’s your fault, EmpNor2.
Aaaand THAT’S why you are careful clicking links sent to you by the Emperor of Internet.
We feel that it is Our imperial duty to point people to the better parts of the internet.
You left out one thing: it has music again! I was so sad last week that it didn’t. But the artist was sick, and you have to take care of yourself.
I love these two so much. Both are pretty low right now. Walky’s shameful secret is out, his facade has cracked and he is outright afraid to be dumped and rejected and shipped away to some horrible boarding school where he will never know the pleasures of cartoons and mcnuggets again (wherever he might have got THAT idea).
Dorothy is insecure about her goals and abilities, she is worried about her ability to get friends and that whole “too perfect” thing, she is worried about Joyce and Walky and in general feels that she is in over her head. And she’s drunk/hung over/somewhere in between.
And for both of them, the immediate concern is to support and help each other. Walky looks out for Dorothy and she helps him. They could do a lot worse.
Oh Dorothy. I empathise so, so strongly.
I don’t know why, but I teared up at this strip. It’s beautiful.
The Over-Achiever Bandit strikes again!”
M-A-T-H T-U-T-O-R
It may not be possible for Dorothy to be ‘her’ for everyone, Walky. However, it is very clear that she can and wants to be her for you.
walky baby
ugh the walkertons as parents have so much to answer for.
on a more positive note, dorothy 2020 o_o
She’s eighteen. Dorothy 2036.
Are you kidding? In 2036, she might be 19.
Dorothy. Dorothy Dorothy Dorothy.
Take Walky over to the math tutoring center right now. There are people there whose literal job it is to help people like him, for free. I know helping is your thing, but delegating is a useful skill too.
(When I was a math tutor, there were so many people who didn’t know we existed and it was so frustrating. I spent way too much time getting paid for doing nothing.)
In general, I agree. In Walky’s specific case, I dunno. He’s opened up to Dorothy about this, but far as the rest of the world’s concerned, he’d rather skip the class altogether than admit he has difficulties. Take him to a tutor and he’ll lie badly, never see the tutor again, and then stop talking to Dorothy about it because she tried to help him and he screwed that up as well.
Wow, there are -so many- links for “Math tutoring center”.
Dorothy: Yeah well I will for you damn it.
They say the candle that burns at both ends burns twice as bright — but half as long.
I’m worried poor Dorothy is going to burn herself out.
She’s always there to help — but will she ask for help herself, if she needs it?
“But ohh, my foes, and ahh, my friends, it lends a lovely light….”
Remember Dorothy’s words, Dorothy.
Aww. she is a sweetheart. Now Accept her help or be DOOMED!
Dorothy’s never gonna give you up. Never gonna let you down.
Good of him to point that out properly
though question is.
she take that as a challenge
or made her self internalize priorities. and Walky is higher than the RA priority.
sorta wonder if that also made her realize that she wants to be there for people.. possibly more than the other uni.
I don’t doubt Walky’s feelings here, but there might be a “oh god, everything but WORK” here
Great, now I have a crush on her.
I find it sweet that so many people are thinking so highly of Walky’s motives here. Personally I feel that another motive may be driving him- the feeling that he’d rather fail than work hard. I think he’s afraid of working hard, and that’s something he’d have to do RIGHT NOW. If he pretends nothing is happening he can bury his head in the sand and RIGHT NOW everything will be okay and he won’t have to do anything. Of course that means sooner or later that’d bite him in the ass hard, but humans are excellent at creating a larger ass-biting future debt in order to feel better and do what they want in the moment.
That’s my take, anyway. We’ll see.
I don’t think that’s really the problem.
I think he really just doesn’t have a clue how. If anything it’s more a matter of “I shouldn’t have to because I’m smart and smart people don’t need to study, so if I need to study that means I’m dumb and worthless.”
Somebody yesterday said these two gave them a Ron/Hermione vibe but…
Walky is Carlos and Dorothy is Dorothy and they just need a Magic School Bus to sort out this learning bump.
Ooooooh!! Been so long since I shipped magic school bus characters haha
Might be easier when Netflix has the new CGI continuation.
Wait wasn’t she still drunk like 20 seconds ago?
Yes, but who has time to be drunk when there is STUDYING to do?
A looooot of students.
*Opens mouth to respond*
*hesitates*
*closes mouth*
…yeah, that has been thoroughly corroborated.
Dorothy is like “Let me have this win, If I can at least help you pass math!”
It’s easy to give up on people.
It’s much harder to show compassion. You go dorothy.
Another side of Walky’s problem: he’s not really passionate about his major. ‘Communications’ is just a dodge from becoming a doctor, as his parents want. Walky still needs to find his true path. If Math is a part of that, then Math is just a stepping stone. Onwards and upwards!
alt text is life
Ok I’m convinced.
No no Dorothy, that’s not how you answer someone telling you you can’t do everything. You say “I’M BATMAN!!!!” and you prove them wrong.