I’m hoping she backs off, because she hasn’t actually shown much interest in knowing him platonically, and has outright stated an interest in sabotaging his current relationship.
I agree on the cheating thing. I’m not sure how I’d act if I was actually dating but I’d say either having female friends will lead to him cheating, in which case why put it off, or it won’t, in which case I’m both being unfair to my boyfriend and implying that men and women can’t be friends. I think the second one encourages all sorts of sexism.
I can’t say XX is a good worker what would my girlfriend think.
I have a friend from Catholic high school who could bust out a killer evil laugh. He was in theater, but he only managed to actually work his laugh into the performance freshman year as an offscreen evil voice. It was… chilling.
I actually joined him in the drama club for our senior year production of Twelve Angry Men, as an offstage voice. I did not do an evil laugh, and that is one of my few regrets in life.
It was more of a nervous laugh than a maniacal one, really. Raidah is hardly emotionally reserved.
The way she goes to the mattresses over evidence that she may not be that much better of a person that the people she blames for her misfortunes, or sees as in the wrong, clearly isn’t helping with that.
Wanna bet that how Sarah can at least admit to personal shortcomings, and the possibility that her misfortunes could be self-inflicted without it being a super-traumatic experience, is a big part of why Raidah still obsesses over Sarah?
On one hand, I’ll hand it to Raidah that she’s not at all possessive. Her attitude is pretty much how I’d be. And poor Jacob for having to suffer that kind of jealousy before. As for her reaction to him hanging out with Sarah…I’m actually interested that he wants to continue hanging with Sarah even after what Raidah told him. And he seems unsettled by her reaction. I wanna see where this is gonna go…
Honestly while she shouldn’t have punched Raidah, I can’t say I don’t understand her frustrations after being bullied for approximately a year. I think Jacob knows that Sarah isn’t one to normally throw a punch and perhaps wants to hear her side of the story.
I agree, and I’m actually really glad that Jacob is mature enough to wanna hear Sarah’s side and give her a chance. It’s like he’s from an entirely different comic! Are we sure this guy is 18?
We’re not, actually. Not everyone in the comic is a freshman. Sarah is a sophomore for sure; I think it is likely that Jacob and Raidah are both sophomores at least.
Good point! Sarah is a sophomore and still living in the dorms, after all. And he’s in Sarah and Raidah’s level of classes…hm. I can’t believe it took me so long to realize he might be a sophomore!
Their relationship has healthy communication AND healthy boundaries. Raidah makes clear what she accept and doesn’t, and Jacob even stands his ground on interacting with Sarah. Good on you, Jacob and Raidah.
The more I see of their relationship, the more I really really like it. Lots of respect for each other, healthy communication, boundaries, and conflict resolution. And he seems to bring out the best in her and he seems to light up when he talks about some of the stuff he’s learning with her and her respect for his desire for a more celibate relationship in the meantime.
And honestly, I think that’s perfect as far as a great conflict with Sarah, because part of Sarah wants to break them up because “I like him” and “she’s awful”, but even she’s realizing that Raidah’s a better fit for him than she would be at the moment.
She assumed Sarah was just selfish because the only thing Sarah mentioned was how her performance was dropping and not that Dana was hiding how bad she was feeling from her friends, and proceeded to treat her like trash when she called Dana’s dad. I also didn’t like how she treated Dina when she learned she was hanging with Sarah, being very condescending and assuming she had some developmental problem. She drew the line at using the R-slur, but her behavior was still pretty nasty. But I’m not gonna try to say she doesn’t deserve to be angry at Sarah until we get a glimps of what happened to Dana after Sarah intervined, since Raidah may know she was struggling being away from friends at college.
Didn’t Sarah try to tell them that Dana wasn’t coping well? I thought the sticking point was that Dana put on a show of being fine around her friends so they didn’t really believe Sarah.
at first I read her laugh as very sarcastic but I guess she genuinely thinks Sarah doesn’t want/deserve (both?) real human contact
I mean it’s not like Sarah has worked hard to disprove this
Admittedly, being harassed by your last group of ‘friends’ would make one be adverse to human contact. I’m adverse to human contact thanks to some good old fashioned bullying in school! Good times, good times…
The fact that she bullied a person for at least half a year for a thing that she may have seen as monstrous*, but that at best would be deserving of cutting them out of your life rather than continuously harassing them?
*Not that it actually was monstrous, I still maintain that Sarah did the best with what she had to work with and the information and experiences she had.
Sorry, I’ve read this comment several times now in various forms, and you have been randomly selected as the one I’m answering.
That’s hypocrisy. That was no worse than everyone saying Becky making moves on Dina is weird at the dorm party. So where is the outrage whenever one of those characters shows up in almost every comic?
I mean I think everyone who treats Dina like a child and/or invalid is being a jackass but proportionally speaking being a jackass to Dina comprises a fair bit more of Raidah’s screen time so it sticks out more as a character defining moment especially since it happened relatively soon after her introduction.
I think it was much worse. Yes, Joyce said that Dina “acts and looks like she’s, y’know, twelve,” and Dorothy and Sarah agreed that it was weird for Becky to hit on her. But Raidah went from assuming that Dina was in middle school to saying, “Oh my god. This girl is mentally challenged, isn’t she.” That’s a hell of an assumption to make, and she said it right to Dina’s face as if she wouldn’t understand her. Raidah then proceeded to be both verbally and physically condescending toward Dina, which would be shitty regardless of whether she was talking to someone with a psychological/intellectual disability or not. She may have scolded Chanise for using the r-word, but the fact is, Raidah is the one who went there in the first place.
That’s not hypocrisy. Someone I know saying in conversation “idk i think it’d be weird to date them, they’re kind of like a middle-schooler” maybe stings a little, depending on context and who it’s coming from, but it’s baseline. I do act like a middle-schooler. I know this. This person knows me, knows I’m an adult, talks to me like I’m an adult, the respect in our relationship is appropriate to a relationship between two independent adults. They say something ableist that I know half of everyone who meets me is thinking anyway, that is a blip in an otherwise mutually beneficial relationship.
Someone who meets me, decides (and announces) that I’m “mentally challenged,” and immediately starts patronizing me and trying to make decisions for me is just a fucking asshole. Most people at least have the decency to fucking avoid me if they think I’m a less-than-person. Raidah & co were channeling my middle-school bullies with that shit, a comment about how someone’s uncomfortable with the idea of fucking me doesn’t compare to treating me like a pitiable prop and addressing me only as a means to make fun of someone else.
Honestly, I’d say that the bit with Becky was worse – That wasn’t just a comment in conversation, it was a deliberate attempt by multiple people who should have known her better to stop Becky from hitting on her – to deny her the agency to handle it herself. That’s not the respect appropriate to two independent adults. That’s revealing that they never thought of her that way.
Raidah was perhaps worse, but more understandably so. This was on first contact and Dina was behaving very strangely and in the company of someone she believed to be dangerous. I’m not sure some attempt at intervention isn’t warranted there. Raidah didn’t handle it well, but she wasn’t expecting that to come up, either.
Of course, we know that Sarah isn’t a monster and that Dina is more capable than she seemed at that moment.
Her two friends though were scum. Raidah was ableist and condescending, but seemed well intentioned. They were mean.
I mean, seriously, what the fuck? What are those glasses doing again? They’re not helping her vision, not riding so low on her nose. If we’re always seeing her pupils from behind them no matter the angle, then they do nothing for her.
They’re clearly a pretentious affectation.
So much hate.
…
…
….. oh, and her being a designated antagonist to one of the main characters probably helps too.
I know I wear my glasses like that sometimes because I only need them for things that are more than like five feet away from me. I push them down on my nose if I’m looking at someone who’s standing near me.
“You want to hang out with Sarah?? Sure, go right ahead! Everyone’s got a masochistic streak in them, I guess. I mean, I was her friend, too, for a while, I understand. I’ll be here when she finally drives you away! Have fun!”
Sarah is a perspective character and Raidah’s earliest appearances were of bullying her, thus heavily slanting general opinion against her.
I mean, I think her conflict with Sarah is amazing because they are both very similar people in a way (long grudges, caring deeply, can be a bit of a douche, etc…) who just happen to be on opposite sides to each other because of different perspectives regarding a tragedy.
And the fact that they are so similar, and in Sarah’s flashback at least somewhat friendly is what makes the whole thing between the two of them both realistic and sad. The two of them (Sarah and Radiah) probably could have become good friends. But because they both didn’t really know how to help Dana (and let’s be honest here, as they were both 18 I really don’t blame either one for not knowing how to help Dana), when Sarah did end up taking action she thought was right, the chance at an actual friendship slipped away.
Agreed. I think it’s a very realistic view of this kind of conflict. In the end of the day there were no villains and no winners and two not-perfect-but-not-horrible people have ended up bitter enemies. Tragedy is the right word.
That’s going too far. Raidah was a bully. And she continued to be a bully well after the excuse of “I was angry in the moment” had passed. It had been a whole year, and Sarah was willing to just leave her be. But Raidah had to bully her even more.
Raidah is the reason Sarah is how she is now. She was just shy before. Now she’s shy and hateful. Now she’s scared to get close to anyone because the one person she thought could help turned out to bully her so thoroughly.
She’s not irredeemable, but there is definitely a villain in this scenario. And, frankly, it angers me that people keep on trying to redeem Raidah when she has, as of yet, done nothing to warrant that.
I agree with a lot of this. Truth be told, barring a few instances, I’d be very wary of a person with that kind of ability to hate someone, especially given what we know about Dana’s situation.
That’s a very important point because Sarah was a freshman too. We don’t know her whole story, but I’m sure she like everyone else wanted to be liked and accepted. She tried to help someone and it resulted in being bullied terribly for over a year.
Most of us like Joyce, though – and although their situations are not exactly the same (they are not the same at all in the literal sense), the spirit of it is: doing the right thing even when everyone else disagrees with you or when it will get your hands dirty in the eyes of others. And sometimes the truth is painful, but we have to try to do the right thing anyway. That’s why people still like Joyce, it’s one of those clear black and white situations where she gets to come out looking like a hero for doing what’s to us the obvious right thing, even while clearly battling her hangups about sex and sexuality and even while she and Becky are dealing with the fallout.
I have a theory that Sarah has an unapologetic and non-accommodating personality to begin with (distinctly unfeminine according to the stereotypes and therefore unacceptable to a mainstream population, same with Carla, Carla doesn’t give a sh*t about people who don’t care for her, does what she wants to do with out feeling the need to accommodate people’s BS and I’m here for it all), which makes it easier for people to dislike her even when she does the right thing – in a situation, where there were consequences for all involved.
Perhaps if Sarah had a more stereotypically feminine, Joyce-like “nicer” personality where she experiences guilt for standing up for herself and others, people might be more willing to give her some slack? Just a theory I’m putting out there.
I’m just going to note Sarah was already a (to use her words) “B***hy killjoy misanthrope.” That’s not on Raidah. That said, Raidah almost definitely did not help.
Raidah’s first appearance in the comic was telling Sarah that she hoped she choked on her drink. When she reappeared later, she was condescending to Dina because she saw her as being ‘mentally challenged’. Not nearly as bad as her friend who outright called Dina the ‘r’ word, but still pretty jerky. And the whole fiasco with Dana and how Raidah hates Sarah because she dared to call up Dana’s dad when Dana was becoming dependent on marijuana to function after the death of her mother…yeah. That would be where it’s all coming from. I can see where it’d seem out of nowhere since Raidah hasn’t been in the comic aside from a couple of strips for the past few years.
This is a very good point. For me the biggest deal is not that Raidah and Sarah hate each other, but the way Raidah treated Dina. Raidah has shown herself to be capable of being mean and condescending to to third parties, in particular to someone whom she believes has a developmental disability. That is a huge red flag to me.
In addition, I get the impression that Raidah has deliberately persecuted Sarah and socially isolated her, while Sarah, for all her negativity, has not done the same sorts of things in return.
Sarah may be very negative and push people away, but she doesn’t do these red flag behaviors.
I am happy to see the complex way that both of these characters are being portrayed. And I’m glad to be seeing more of Raidah.
Raidah’s behavior irked me early on so when Sarah/Joyce/Dorothy had their jerky moment during the party and Dina stood up to them and told them off, I was so happy for her. Dina may not act typical but that doesn’t make her lesser and she shouldn’t be treated as such!
On that note, I wonder if there was more to dana:s sorry than we’ve seen thru Sarah. Maybe Dana was queer and her father was unsupportive? Or something of that ilk.
I’m of the opinion that Dana’s dad is abusive or controlling in some way based on my experiences with students who are being abused and how substance abuse can be a red flag for that sort of thing (especially pot as it’s really good at helping with anxiety caused by a turbulent unsafe home environment where abuse is occurring regularly that you have very few options to deal with besides waiting it out).
I think this is the first time you stated so clearly that you see the drug habit as a symptom of abuse, which sort of explains your conclusion better than any “if he wasn’t abusive, she would be back by now”, which is rather nebulous.
Still, as far as I’m concerned the jury is still out on that one.
People doing drugs or drinking to extremes need to decide they want to live. The pain they are trying to drug away will still be there or even worse for their drugging, so they need to find othe ways of coping that are more effective.
Telling someone, “no, I won’t stay around to keep you from drinking for the required week of dryness before you can start therapy” may make them realize they have to decide if they want to live, decide to take responsibility or may make them decide to drink more and eventually die. You only know afterwards.
Been there, done that, been lucky. Horridest decision I ever had to make. They was no way in life or in hell me staying and keeping her dry would have worked.
I totally feel with Sarah here.
I think the main sign that Sarah’s decision put Dana in a worse place is that, well, Raidah is in contact with her, and she knows how Dana feels about it. If Sarah had actually led Dana to get help, I think a semester later Dana would have already acknowledged this to her close friend.
Now, it’s possible that Raidah is not actually as much in contact with Dana as she claims to be and is mostly talking out of her ass on the whole “Dana is not better” thing, but I’m willing to give her the benefit of doubt here. After all, Sarah did not have any evidence that Dana’s dad WASN’T bad for her, she didn’t consider the possiblity of abuse at all, so this outcome was entirely plausible.
I don’t know that Raidah is a reliable source on Dana’s feelings, though. Remember, she and their other friends thought that Dana was completely fine at a time when she was dependent on pot to be able to function at all, and having nightly breakdowns that were so severe that Sarah was unable to get any sleep. It seems like Dana wanted to pretend that everything was fine, rather than deal with her problems in a constructive way. She may still be putting on a front for Raidah, acting like she doesn’t need any help, didn’t need to be pulled out of school (and put in therapy, I’m guessing), and is only miserable because she hasn’t been allowed to come back.
Agreed. Raidah is not a reliable source because at this point she’ll say anything to make Sarah feel like shit about it, given that she’s been bullying her for over a year about it.
Except that came at a moment where she was backing off from that bullying and was moving more towards a worldview of “she’s toxic and I need to stay away”.
I dunno, as I say, I see a lot of little red flags over the whole thing and it’d be a weird lie to concoct out of nothing (I mean, Raidah is a bit of an asshole, but I don’t think she’s “lie about unsafe home environments” level of douchebaggery), especially since it’d be just as easy to say “no, she’s not” or “I don’t believe you”.
The “not according to Dana” in that line feels like it implies that she is in contact with Dana in some form, Dana doesn’t feel like she’s in a better place, and has said as such to her.
But what does “not better” mean though? She didn’t elaborate on that and she knows there is no way for Sarah to know about it, see what I’m saying? Raidah worded it in a way that she knew would make Sarah feel bad. It’s like saying “all you need to know is you made her life worse” which is not being forthright about it.
And we’ve already seen that Dana was lying to her friends about how she felt, so who knows if going home forced her to come clean about everything, or shes pissed about being pulled out of school and is still sticking to the “I’m fine and let’s blame everything on Sarah” story they all came up with.
We have never seen Raidah back off her bullying. She didn’t just come to the party and leave quietly. She deliberately made a big fuss to point out she was there and that she was leaving because of her.
And then she lied to Jacob about what happened, in an attempt to further ostracize her. She knows she was provoking Sarah. Leaving that out is lying.
I don’t think what Raidah said was an outright lie, but a) it’s not very specific (it could mean “my dad is abusive and being with him is awful” or it could mean “I insist that I was doing JUST FINE before so making me go to therapy is unnecessary”), b) like stegosaurus said, I don’t trust Raidah’s reliability in judging Dana’s emotional state and c) we have no idea when or how she got that information. She says “last I checked”–was that last week? Last month? Three months ago? We don’t know.
Dana absolutely could be in an abusive home environment; it would be consistent with the story as told (most of which we have second-hand from Sarah to begin with) and it wouldn’t surprise me if it was revealed to be true. But I don’t think we have enough information to say that it’s likely.
I think what we’re forgetting here is that her mom died. We have no proof that her dad was/is abusive, but we do know that death is a devastating event in a family. Some families do fall apart if the deceased was the person who glued them all together – not always indicative of abusive dysfunction, but it’s possible to have a family member you simply don’t relate to/feel all that much for and it’s just as possible that person is your parent.
It could be that the death of Dana’s mother destroyed her family’s dynamics. The death of the parent is not something she would just get over, so it’s totally possible that all of her doing drugs to cope is due to her not being able to handle her mother’s death. That’s not a stretch to me at all, many people spiral even worse than Dana did.
Additionally, many parents are wary of their children using substances. This is a very common parental rule – don’t do uncontrolled drugs of any kind. I think there’s a good chance her father didn’t even know she was using marijuana. So possibly her dad pulled her out and from his parent perspective her doing drugs and not applying herself in school (let’s be real, if she hadn’t improved it’s possible she would have been kicked out for grades anyway) further damaged their relationship in his eyes. So not only is she not coping with her mom’s death, her dad is mad at her for doing drugs at school.
Or, since he pulled her out, there’s a (very) small possibility that he knew she had no business being at school if she wasn’t anywhere near functional there.
In my experience, kids who are being abused tend to default to hiding how much distress they are in (cause distress gets you hit) and minimizing it when pressed for verbal detail.
In my experience “not better” usually means some really bad shit is going down. A student just today used the “not better” euphemism this morning. This afternoon I found out that that meant they are getting kicked out of their home onto the streets.
The whole main character thing, plus she was kinda rude and condescending to Dina. She…prooooobably meant well? But the whole thing was just a bit yikes.
This may be completely unintentional, but Raidah strongly reminds me of the kind of people who can be charming and seem great when they’re putting on an act, but are judgmetnal, vindictive, and cruel to anyone who goes against their wishes.
It’s not a great look, and stuff like this strip just come off as putting on a mask of not being a shitty person.
That’s exactly the problem I have with her. She’s petty – meaning she’ll go out of her way to make life difficult for people she doesn’t like. Instead of leaving Sarah alone, she’s on a year long mission to make her feel as bad as possible about what Sarah did, which I firmly believe was the best she could have done given the circumstances.
It’s like, oh you don’t like her? Fine. Be angry at her or don’t, just leave her alone either way. It’s been a year. A whole year. The thing about people like that, is they can be so nice to you , but if you do something to piss them off…
She’s not even that good at it, either.
Has anyone noticed when she’s trying to have a two-way conversation with others while in ‘act’ mode, she looks *reeeeaalllly* nervous, say, like in this strip,even.
While Sarah buries herself in her ‘human sandpaper’ persona to avoid the pressure of growing past her codependent sad-sack issues, Raidah will not stop trying to convince herself that she’s this blameless, sanctimonious, neurosis-free person that she isn’t, which only feeds the judgmental, vindictive, cruel side if her.
At least Raidah appears to be working towards self-improvement….If only to hide for smaller self better…
Hmm, really? That’s one thing that’s kind of endearing her to me, tbh. More people should be confident enough in their own awesomeness not to worry about their partner potentially cheating.
I don’t agree. People should be confident in their partner that they won’t cheat. Not think that they are awesome.
The only reason it doesn’t grate for me is that I assume she’s being facetious. If she really thinks she’s so hot that no guy would ever go out with another girl if they can date her, then she’s bordering on narcissism.
I disagree with you (people should definitely consider themselves awesome, high self esteem is awesome), and also I don’t think she meant anything to do with your second paragraph- being confidence in her own awesomeness doesn’t mean she could get any guy and no one would ever cheat on her, but as she said, that she isn’t worried about it, because that’s not what her self esteem is based on.
On the other hand, like Karishi, unlike Shiro and you, I find it grating, because she considers herself awesome even while doing shit things (shitting on Sarah throughout the story, condescending Dina the once)
A) Aw, these two have a nice dynamic.
B) And this is kind of why I hope that eventually Radiah and Sarah can maybe, someday, at the very least stop hating each other. Even in the flashback to before Sarah told Dana’s father what was going on, she did seem nice and understanding about Sarah’s social difficulties. And maybe eventually they could have friendship again. Although belittling Dina the way she did still makes me grind my teeth.
C) Jacob seems to bring out the best in everyone, with the exception of Joe.
It’d take a lot more time then a year for me to forgive someone punching me in the head and then add Jacob into the mix and I can’t see Sarah and Raidah getting along with each other any time soon
She has nothing to forgive. She deliberately antagonized Sarah. She was bullying her for a long time. And Sarah stood up for herself.
No, it wasn’t the smartest thing. She could have gotten in legal trouble. And Raidah now has a further excuse to hate her. But that doesn’t make it wrong.
Raidah doesn’t need to forgive. She needs to realize she wasn’t quite so awesome when she goes around bullying people for trying to prevent her friend from killing herself.
Even if it turns out that Sarah made things worse, she clearly was trying to help. Hating her to the degree of bullying her is wrong.
I like Jacob more and more every time we see him. Even when he’s worried about stereotypical jealousy, I mean, it’s from literal lived experiences rather than internalised tropes, and he seems to know better than it’s being an ok thing in an SO.
What a cool banana.
Am I the only one here who actually likes Raidah?
Don’t get me wrong, she’s got a trait I don’t like, but it’s just the one and it’s the way she’s shifting blame onto Sarah because she wasn’t able to help her friend.
I honestly think it’s kind of scummy for Sarah to only start putting an effort towards getting Jacob once Raidah has him, especially when she’s only after a “Ruinous Motel Accident”, as Joyce calls it.
Sarah should just hook up with Joe already instead, they deserve each other.
Hasn’t Sarah started putting even less effort into getting Jacob since then? Like there were words at Joyce’s party, but she admitted they were dumb and embarrassing, tried to look cute (but not act out) once, and decided yep it was definitely still wrong, and since has been uncomfortable.
I also don’t get your ‘they deserve eachother’ because that’s usually said pretty derisively, and the only thing Sarah has in common with him is that she would like to have casual sex.
By “they deserve each other”, I mean that however much Sarah boasts about being above Joe and how she’s not on his “menu” or whatever, they seem like they’d actually get along.
It’d make a great sarcastic initially-unserious-later-developing-into-real-feelings type of relationship, you know?
So she’s not jealous, unless that is a laugh of overcompensation, but I do wonder if Jacob is about to get the story on why she hates Sarah and what his reaction will be to her version of it. Because I suspect that even in Raidah’s “Sarah lied about how bad things were for absolutely no reason whatsoever” version, Jacob’s going to have at least a little sympathy for someone not wanting to room with someone who’s doing drugs.
I suppose she could leave that part out but that leaves her telling a story where Dana got taken out of school when she not only wasn’t depressed but also wasn’t doing anything wrong. How would she explain that? That Dana’s father and school officials simply took Sarah’s word on Dana’s mental state?
I’m still shocked that they yanked her for pot use. I don’t know what most people’s campuses were like, but I’d say over 50% of the dorms around me were lighting up regularly when I went to college and that was at a school that was kinda the opposite of a party school.
Probably one of the reasons I suspect abuse or controlling parent.
I’d keep in mind that this IS Indiana, which isn’t the most tolerant of places… people were smoking hookahs in front of the dorms where I lived, and most people I know smoke pot regularly but despite casual attitudes towards pot use…it’s still technically illegal. I know despite people lighting up on my campus, it was still technically a drug-free campus. Any evidence of using marijuana would have been grounds for being kicked out of your dorms. Like now that I’m thinking about it, the whole Sarah/Dana conflict reminds me of my roommates.
One roomy had a boyfriend over, crashing on our couch, and they smoked pot in the restroom and got the place smelling awful. My roomy (we had a two room set up, two people in each room) was so upset that she debated on getting the RA involved and ratting our roomy out. I convinced her not to, since that was a pretty bold move that could have gotten her in trouble, but you can bet there was some talking about boundaries after.
Despite not smoking pot myself, I do think it needs to be decriminalized. Kinda ridiculous how public attitude is growing to be more casual and yet the justice system hasn’t evolved with it. If we can buy cigarettes and alcohol, people should be able to buy weed.
Honestly I do have reservations against legalizing marihuana, but I’m willing to admit because I spent most of my adolescence with a group of people where everyone smoked weed, over half got bored eventually and moved on to stronger stuff (or got too used to it so that it no longer helped them deal with their shit) and a few of them died as a direct result. And from those who didn’t die, I’m still haunted by the memory of when my best friend at the time looked completely motionless like a corpse for several minutes before he suddenly woke up like a bad jumpscare. Hell, eventually they moved on to sniffing the gasses of gasoline.
I know there are many who object to the claim that weed is a potential gateway drug, and they might even be right for the most part, but it’s very difficult for me to accept that based on my own experiences and the evidence therein. The only immediate benefits I could see to legalizing it would be that then it might be possible to enforce a form of quality control.
Which can then be used to fund appropriate healthcare and moderation campaigns, instead of not being collected + being used to uselessly fight organized crime, which at times even strive to promote addiction in primary school playgrounds.
Legalization offers a much much safer usage culture, and yeah, quality control. If people escalated that much in their consumption, might be because there were addictive substances hidden in the marijuana. You know, organized crime wants to make a profit, so…
There are lots of benefits to legalization. Starting with an awareness and responsabilisation culture which could take over the actual guilt culture (guilt often leading to marginalisation, leading to aggravation of previous psychological issues, attempted alleviation of resulting distress via more substances… you know, vicious cycles and stuff).
To legalize does not mean to fully endorse boundless consumption. It means to approach the issue with the assumption that adults have a judgement to exercise and develop. And then help the percentage which really has issues, instead of putting everyone in the same basket.
Not really. If the school knew about the drug use, then there was a possibility of Dana having that on her record, which would make it harder for her to enter other schools later in her life. Withdrawing is *always* better than being kicked out.
” but I’d say over 50% of the dorms around me were lighting up regularly”
Forgive my confusion, but how does a dorm smoke? It doesn’t have a mouth. Did you mean people in your dorm?
I knew all of one person who smoked pot in college, and not regularly. Honestly, if my roommate had smoked, I’d have reported them to the RA the first time. I don’t consider this normal or typical at all.
I’d be iffy on it just because that stuff stains your record, they could be kicked out of the dorm and left homeless. In good conscience, I couldn’t do that to anybody.
I’d tell them to just stop doing it in the room first because I don’t do smoke in my living spaces period and if they didn’t well why should I prioritize their security when they have no respect for my health?
Exactly. And given the fact that minority students are punished more harshly and more frequently than white students, what were the chances of Sarah ALSO being penalized if Dana were actually caught? I saw it all the time at my PWI – minority students kicked out for vandalism and stuff like that, whereas is was VERY rare for a white student who did the same thing to get as harsh a punishment, especially when it came to drug use and policy.
I’m pretty sure her dad pulled her out more because of the rapid depression downspiral she was entering that was A: tanking her studies, and B: endangering her life. The marijuana dependency was just a symptom of the root problem. We can argue all day over whether or not his belief that being with family would help her cope with her grief is correct but I hardly think it’s an abusive or particularly controlling perspective by default. There’s a difference between being controlling and being a responsible parent and we really don’t have anywhere near enough information on her home life to make a judgement either way.
I think that’s misstating the scenario a bit. As Tadpole7 said, it wasn’t the school kicking her out, but her father. More importantly, it wasn’t just “pot use”. She’d been smoking all along and even Sarah was okay with that, but it apparently really escalated after her mother’s death and continued to do so rather than getting better.
Pot’s not a hard drug, but spending weeks on end stoned is still a problem.
I knew plenty of people who smoked pot when I was in college, but I didn’t know of any one using it that heavily.
Yes. Can we please stop with the “marijuana is so unlike other drugs it’s not actually a drug” rhetoric going around. I understand people wanting to legalize it, but it erases people with actual issues, whether the drug is the root of it or a symptom of the root of it. And frankly, where was everyone when all these minorities were being sent to prison for decades for minor drug offenses? It’s also wonderful that some people get a lot of therapeutic use out of it, I’ll be even happier about weed when those people get exonerated and minorities as aren’t disproportionately targeted anymore.
Ah, by “we”, I don’t mean you in particular said that, just in general (maybe I shouldn’t have made that a rely?). I’m agreeing with you. I’ve seen it said here on the forums a few times, usually when we have debates about the Dana-Sarah incident, and when i was in school..
The “not a real drug” argument is BS one that I’ve heard a lot, is all I’m saying. You and I agree on its drug status, but I’ve seen the same kind of people who use pot advocating for stronger drug laws or painting minorities who use drugs as criminals, or who mysteriously have nothing to say about harsh drug laws till they start getting arrested/kicked out of schools too, and yet they are the same folks who would get high and shit faced on all kinds of shit at parties every weekend. Obviously not all users do that, but the cognitive dissonance is strong.
I saw an article a couple weeks where the debate was about whether it was okay for pregnant women to smoke weed. It astounded me that people felt it was acceptable that pregnant women risk smoking anything at all. Then came the people who argued that smoking cigarettes was different, and smoking weed is not harmful because even though you’re smoking it you’re not really participating in the act of smoking at all because, etc..
If I recall, they pulled Dana for being emotionally traumatized, not for pot smoking – that was just a symptom. Also, remember that her parents pulled her, not the school – parents rarely need a law to pull a freshman out of school. Same as with Becky – the school was tolerant of such behavior, her parents were not.
Panel 2: I feel so bad for Jacob here. Especially since I imagine a lot of the jealousy likely surrounded how hot he was and thus “bound to be picked up by other women” which would ignore his actual monogamous tendencies and the fact that he doesn’t really like casual sex.
I also feel bad about making a cheating with Joyce joke earlier in the week now that I know he agonizes over stuff like that and whether or not it can be read as cheating or flirting owing to his past experiences.
Panel 3: I feel you top half of panel Raidah. Like I get sexual attraction and lust. I don’t experience it, but I get it.
But jealousy. Jealousy is much more elusive for me because I just don’t have the personal experience to draw on for it. Like Raidah, I don’t do jealousy. Unlike her, it is not because I’ve got a strong sense of self-worth (I wish), but just because it’s just not something I’m really capable of. If I see a partner enjoying themselves, I feel happy, because my partner is happy and that’s adorable. And if a partner was hiding a secret relationship behind my back, I’d probably be confused more than angry, but then I’m not really mono.
So yeah, feeling baffled and alien to that whole dance is something I can identify with. Also, I envy that confidence in one’s self.
Panel 4: Like seriously, this is such an amazing healthy worldview to have. If you mistreat me, then I deserved better, fuck you, see ya.
It’s definitely a worldview I wish I had in the past so I envy the fuck out of that as well as her unparalleled confidence in her self worth.
Panel 5: Aww, I love this dynamic getting more screen-time, especially now that both Joyce and Sarah are interested in Jacob. Because it’d be so easy to just see Raidah as a base villain who needs to be kicked out so a perspective character can get with the best of the straight boy options.
But, well, they are so unbelievably healthy together. And we see that. How they have similar attitudes towards the physical, they have great intellectual chemistry and teach each other new things, and well…
That Jacob face. He’s happy, genuinely happy that he doesn’t have to tiptoe around friendships with women. That he’s not going to have to worry about his partner coming at him sideways because he enjoyed some nice conversation. This is genuinely healing for him from a bad history of jealous partners.
And I like that feeling of wanting to protect this fledgling relationship against characters I genuinely like.
Panel 6-7: That said, I still love the line Raidah had way back about how some people are just toxic for you, cause yeah, it’s very poignant. Not just in a sense of them being bad for you or put you at risk, but also in terms of making you a worse person, more petty, more backbiting, bringing out the worst.
Like, we see so many toxic narratives of the person who is toxic because they traumatize a person or are abusive or just shitty to them, but here we see a person who just brings out so many negative emotions that it brings out a worse side, a side that can bully people at its worst.
And we see that in Raidah being amused at the very idea of Sarah being someone to be jealous of or even to hang out with. And the little catty remark at the end. And it’s somewhat perturbing Jacob as we can see in his glance away and lost smile.
And that’s so sad, because things could have been so different in different circumstances and because I want Raidah to be able to distance and heal and be better as a person because of it.
Damnitt, fuck, I feel like I’m starting to genuinely root for Raidah.
The problem is that, for some people, anger and resentment become so internalised and key to their self-identities that they can’t let it go and won’t let it go. With time, they end up poisoning their every relationship and end up trapped in a knot of bitter anger towards all the people who ‘betrayed’ them or ‘wouldn’t understand their feelings’.
I’m not saying that Raidah is going down that path but her anger and reflexive need to denigrate Sarah is disturbing, to say the least.
“The problem is that, for some people, anger and resentment become so internalized and key to their self-identities that they can’t let it go and won’t let it go”
Absolutely.
Applies to a lot of what’s going on this country, and applies to people all over the political landscape.
This is so true, unfortunately. That sort of psychological state ultimately results in people trying as hard they can to destroy everyone around them, not realizing they are also destroying themselves in the process.
…I kinda have this big worry in my head right now that Sarah’s going to get fed up with Raidah and start encouraging Joyce to get more and more friendly with Jacob…
oh god and Raidah is Muslim too I’m sure Joyce has never ever ever heard anything bad told to her about Muslims no I’m sure Joyce has been told to love them just as much as-
*grabs the rum*
Yeah, this could go train-wreck-y real, real fast…
She has an elephant-sized blind spot where Sarah is concerned. It’s like Dana’s situation suddenly just blotted out everything positive about Sarah out of her worldview. She forgot that she herself used to like Sarah, she straight up refuses to acknowledge that Sarah has friends who do like to hang out with her, even Sarah apologizing for punching her seems to have been ejected straight out of her worldview as soon as it happened. She’s acting like she’s going off incomplete information on Sarah, except all the information is avaliable and right under her nose, she’s just… not taking it in.
My guess? She was WAY closer to Dana than we suspected, and/or Dana is in a truly terrible place right now and Raidah (justifiably) blames Sarah. Not saying it justifies what Raidah’s doing. Not saying it doesn’t.
…. wait, is she laughing because she’s not threatened by the (supposedly remote) idea of Jacob (or anyone) falling in love with Sarah, or is she laughing because she doesn’t take seriously the idea of Jacob (or anyone) wanting to hang out with Sarah AT ALL?
Raidah is actively in denial that Sarah could possibly be likable to anyone, and she laughs to blot out the idea that Jacob thinks Sarah is alright in her mind.
Is anyone else thinking that Raidah hasn’t told Jacob the story about what happened to Dana? It seems like she hasn’t. I’m hoping she will and that Jacob will go get Sarah’s side and maybe do a little peacemaking. I don’t think Raidah and Sarah will stop disliking each other, but I feel like Jacob is the one person who could make some changes in that situation.
I feel like that situation has catalyzed Sarah’s own self-sabotage and I feel like shifting that situation could help her finally make some much needed shifts in her own life.
It would be pretty funny if Dana came back at some point, having gone through detox and therapy, and thanked Sarah for saving her life… I’d love to see Raidah’s expression.
Raidah would probably reject Dana for ‘betraying’ her and continue along her prior path, adding ‘making my friend turn her back on me’ to her list of complaints about Sarah. In about five years time, she’ll realise how she’s messed up her life because of resentment and probably blame Sarah (who she wouldn’t have seen for three years) for that too.
Depending on the grade, how it is used and the amount of pressure, it can range from bleeding strips of skin to a nice soothing remedy for callous heels!
I feel so frustratingly angry about Raidah. Because the whole conflict isn’t just that nobody could deal with Dana’s depression. It’s that nobody in that circle of friends understood that Dana’s depression was fucking up Sarah’s studies and eventually her entire future. Sarah told the other’s she was on a scholarship. Her midterm grades were the last straw because if she couldn’t improve, she’d lose that.
Dana commented that her dad RUNS A LAW FIRM. Yeah, upper middle class/rich parents can be abusive which people have made as a defense regarding why Sarah shouldn’t have called Dana’s dad (looking trough that storyline there is no hints that she has a bad relationship with her father though), but we got enough information about the whole dynamic of said group, that Sarah came from a background of having no security net and having to deal with this on her own, while Dana and “two, maybe three” of her friends would have had a solid internship the second they graduate because they have parents that can get them in without them even needing good grades.
My point being, Dana is probably 100% fine, being at home right now dealing with her depression and going to therapy. If she gets back to school next year, she will be 1,5 years behind her former peers, but the second she graduates she’ll be an intern at her dad’s law firm while still living with her middle class dad.
Had Sarah lost her internship, she would have been Paula in the comic On a Plate.
Raidah is being a jerk, and unless we get some info that Raidah is still in touch with Dana and gets information that she is being abused by her dad instead of you know, just being at home and healing/processing, then I say this conflict is not just two young adults both doing bad things, but Raidah actually being quite nasty and petty
Looking back at Sarah apologizing, Raidah flipping drops on Sarah that she could make her own father sue Sarah for punching her JUST to screw Sarah’s scholarship up. That’s a very powerful threat
I don’t think Dana is fine, but I agree strongly with the scholarship stuff. Dana was affecting that scholarship and so something needed to happen and Sarah chose the best option she could under the circumstances and given what she knew of the situation. Especially as that scholarship is what allows her to go to school at all.
And that’s one of the points of tension between her and Raidah because Raidah comes from extreme wealth and having friends who all come from extreme wealth (law students who are the children of lawyers and have firms lined up they can join after law school no matter what), so has no means of appreciating what a thin line Sarah is holding on to and how overwhelmingly crucial that scholarship is. In short, class privilege illustrated.
I think there’s also an important racial element in the pot storyline as well. Raidah was shocked about Sarah harping on the pot and frankly I’m not really of the mindset to treat pot as similar to other hard drugs no matter the classification, cause it isn’t. Heck, it’s less shitty than alcohol and nicotine which people treat as better because those drugs are legal. And I’d love to see a world where it was treated like any other prescription drug, because too frequently its demonized as part of an excuse to jail black folks.
And that’s kind of the elephant in the room in Sarah and Raidah’s conflict. Raidah couldn’t understand why Sarah was emphasizing her need to study and the pot use, because she didn’t have the class experience to realize how important that time to study was and the racial experience (she’s of color, but not black, so hasn’t seen the way black men and women have been disproportionately targeted for “possession of an illegal narcotic” charges for having a joint on their person (or say in their dorm room) and how that’s ruined their lives).
And so interprets it as the worst, because even if Dana isn’t being abused, I think it’s safe to say she definitely does not believe personally that Dana’s home is a safe or supportive environment for Dana. And so supplies her own negative characterization to why Sarah seemed to talk the most about the drug use and studying when talking about Dana’s situation. And that justifies a lot of hatred.
She is obviously not happy over being home, nobody would be happy over such a drastic change in their future plans. And it absolutely sucks being torn away from your new friends. But other than an off comment Raidah gave that Dana doesn’t think that she’s in a better place, we don’t have proof that Dana is actually in an unsafe enviroment. The way she reacted to Sarah after the funeral, snapping, cursing and then smoking indoors even though it seems to have been a rule they made to not do, gives me the impression that she is bitter and lashing out in anger towards anyone regardless if it /is/ good for her or not.
Not being in a better place, in Dana’s logic if she is still as aggressive and angry and lashing out, could just as well simply mean “My dad won’t let me smoke pot and since all my high school friends are off to college I can’t go and smoke at their place instead”.
I didn’t understand that Raidah wasn’t black. Is that confirmed from any other of the universes, because I’ve only read Dumbing? She has the exact same skin tone and lip colour as Jacob.
I believe Raidah is meant to be Pakistani or otherwise from the Indian subcontinent, as she is Muslim, not black, and her interests in her book profile included Aasif Mandvi. But yes, Word of Willis is that she’s not black.
Sarah might have agressivity issues, but she’s sure as hell one hell of a passive-agressive narcissistic bongo. And yeah, I wrote the musical instrument’s name myself.
I really, really despise Raidah, healthy relationship with Jacob aside. Sarah’s misanthropy, trust issues, abrasiveness, and what we see her doing now is the direct result of what happened when she was stuck making that awful decision with Dana and then after this trash and her cronies bullied and harassed her and tried to socially isolate her. I mean, Raidah’s only ‘right’ in saying that because her actions caused Sarah to break along those lines.
After all of that, and I am in the extreme minority here, I don’t care that Sarah punched her. What she was doing to Sarah was its own kind of violence, and she’s not sorry for it. I don’t see a single scrap of remorse in her for bullying and harassing someone, and I don’t honestly care what ‘her side of the story’ is, because I straight up despise bullies. I think I loathe Raidah so much because she reminds me very viscerally of people I never should have let myself trust, and when Sarah said ‘If I can’t get him, she can’t,’ I understood that feeling too. No, it’s not nice or ‘good’ of her, but it’s so hard to see someone who tormented you going on and living their life and having friends while they tried to ruin your life.
Based on Jacob’s expression in the last panel, I don’t think he’s satisfied with “she’s like human sandpaper.” It won’t be enough to completely upend their relationship, but Jacob is a good enough dude that he’ll want both sides of the story and he will NOT be happy once he hears Sarah’s side in-depth.
I give two weeks in-universe, tops, before Jacob’s entry in Joyce’s phone is “Perfect Chocolate Muffin,” complete Joyce-explanation of “You know, muffin because the expression ‘stud muffin’ and chocolate because he’s–oh shit I’m a terrible person.” I expect familiarity with the meme, the indirect comparison to Joyce’s best friend, and Jacob’s general good humor to keep him in “amused” territory.
http://www.dumbingofage.com/2012/comic/book-2/05-saturdays-all-right-for-slighting/carl/
This is Sarah’s first time being introduced to Raidah, and she calls herself a “bongoy killjoy misanthrope”.
The situation with Raidah certainly didn’t make things better, but she had these issues already. It’s not fair to blame all of them on Raidah, especially when Sarah is a character whose past we know very little about. What’s her family and home life like? What made her come to school that way? We don’t have enough info.
I wanted to write a long comment about how I find Raidah lacking warmth towards Jacob and how I share her sentiment about jealousy but I really don’t like her reasoning, but I figured, nobody reads this anyways.
I didn’t know which of you to reply to, so I chose this solution. I start at the beginning. I view love as something substantially different than the sum of friendship + attraction. (Mind, for me friendship encorporates trust, loyalty, common interests, etc) I was in a relationship for 5 years convinced the sum of those two is enough. Itwasn’t a bad relationship, it was way better than all the others we’ve seen around us. But then I came accross love. I didn’t cheat, hell no (it is one of the points I want to make, that cheating is not the only possible outcome when you meet someone “better”). I’ve been with my current boyfriend for more than two years and I’m still starstrucked from time to time when I look at him. It is difficult to describe my notion of love, because all these words are ruined by teen novels.
I see this kind of love as the only valid reason ffor being in a romantic relationship. To put it short, I don’t see anything near this in either of them towards the other. It is at best a friendship with holding hands. But I should do an archive research next time I’m at a regular PC. Thats itfor the first point.
Love has an end, and it usually does not coincide in the two parties. I think there is nothing you can do about that, but accept, and tell right away when you are sure of it. Some people lack the insight or will to examine, or are afraid to confess, to themselves or the other, and that leads to cheating. I trust my partner that he will tell me this, and he trusts me. That is going to be very sad, mourning is cue, but it is not something I answer “Fuck you” to. He cannot fall for someone else until he loves me, and when he no longer loves me, we no longer belong together. In this model there is no time for jealousy. And her other sentence, love ends indifferently of both of oyou being great (or one of you, in case of cheating). And since the best of relationships end too, I find saying “I deserved better ” as not giving credit to all the good things that have happened. So Raidah comes off to me as overly defensive and egotistic. (I also say things like her when talking to people from whom I don’t expect the depth of understanding my reasoning above. But I guess one’s partner shouldn’t fall into that category.)
I tried to keep this as short as possible, and I really hope I chose the words with the appropriate meanings. I explaind this a million times in Hungarian, but never tried in English until now.
First of all: Thanks for giving in to our bugging and writing that comment!
I kind of get where you’re coming from. Up till now I only started romantic relationships once I was sure I felt really attracted to them (+ love-ish feelings – I agree with you, teen romances kinda ruined being able to describe those feelings properly… and this attraction only developed after some time of friendship or at least knowing them) and didn’t just like them as a person. That’s also why, generally speaking, I only had two real relationships in my life up till now, one was as a young teen (which doesn’t really count that much because it was rather innocent) and the other one happened about 1 1/2 years ago, which he ended because he stopped having feelings for me – after being together for about 1 1/2 months (and he originally initiated it).
And honestly speaking, love to me cannot happen immediately, but develops over time, whether it being romantic love or the deep platonic love I have towards my friends, and it therefore also TAKES time to ‘undevelop’. But I think that’s a very individual and personal kind of field. I take a very long time to fall in love, and very seldom do, and before I’d even feel something of the remote remembrance of ‘love’ or at least ‘romantic interest’ – I’d never date someone. Other people feel differently about that. I could also never have sex with a stranger, because for me that needs deep feelings and trust, other people don’t need that (and there’s nothing wrong with that).
There a different kinds of love, and though I get your position, I don’t think it necessarily ENDS. It may change from time to time, sure, but I still think one can work against love changing or decreasing, unless circumstances (e.g. distance, other person’s behaviour changing etc) and will prevent someone from doing so. But this is just my idea of it, I’d still need to experience this first-hand myself. (though I did have similar experiences in frienships – and in the end my close friendships endured estrangement and just grew deeper. I imagine that is possible with love, if you can respect the other persons own personal growth and development).
And yeah, once feelings stop completely, it’s best to immediately say this. Doesn’t mean though I can’t react to it with a “Fuck you” – mentality, it’s actually part of the phases of separation (or grief) – you take some time to accept or realise it, you’re hurt and sad and angry and feel as if you’re worth nothing and usually circle between those feelings, you then slowly try to find yourself again – still maybe get angry or sad; until you finally survived it. That’s how it felt for me after the break-up and, yes, in the end it is better he told me, but for me personally, a chance to ‘unlove’ a bit would’ve been much better than one side simply deciding “Heck, I stopped loving you, that’s why I end it.” – It’s a relationship and if it wasn’t bad (with physical or mental abuse) the end of it should at least in some way be a bit mutual, and not one side ending it. But that’s now me just blabbering.
Back to the point – if it didn’t work out then “I deserved better” does ring true in some way – if you share my opinion that someone could affect his/her own feelings to some extent – and if one person after a short relationship ends it, then yeah, you actually deserve better.
Sorry, this got a bit confusing, but I’m too lazy to structure it thoroughly for now – I hope it still makes sense, somehow.
Huh. This is the first time I’ve genuinely disliked Raidah. But on the plus side, Jacob’s thoughtful look means he’s gonna want to hear Sarah’s story now.
I might just be reading this the wrong way but I think Raiden saw Sarah as some sort of charity case from the start and not really as a person she wanted to hang out with. So when Sarah starts complaining about her grades and her friends increasing pot use, she thought silly girl needs to learn that being there for your friends fun are important than grades and a little pot won’t kill you, instead of she’s genuinly concerned about her roommate, this has taken its toll on her and she can’t keep this up.
Even before then the nature of their relationship is likely something Sarah understood, and they likely either became a chore to improve herself or a group which would give her access to stuff, but she likely always knew she was an outsider.
Now Sarah has real friends and it baffles Raiden.
I’m going to assume your autocorrect reared its ugly head, but for the moment I’m alternately inserting Raiden from MGS and from Mortal Kombat in Raidah’s spot and it makes all of this so much more amusing.
I don’t get Raidahs view in this, I’m not saying its wrong because each to their own, but I’m not sure how can you have a relationship and not have even the slightest bit of jealousy come through.
For example my wife and I have complete trust in each other but I still got a little twang of jealousy when she told me about some temp workers (probably didn’t help they were French and Italian) at her place of work and just like if I’m telling her some anecdote about a girl I used to know then there might be a slight change in the pitch or tone of her voice.
I mean to me if you care about someone then jealousy is a completely normal emotional reaction to have (depending on the severity of course) so Raidah is either just coming off a little cold to me or maybe just place as much importance on the relationship as Jacob does
I think it really just depends on the person and how deep the emotional bond to them is. With my last boyfriend I knew he had many female friends, and he even told me that his last girlfriend couldn’t deal with that – she surpressed her jealousy and then exploded some time after holding everything in for a year or longer.
So, I just thought “Well, he knew them well before me, so logically speaking, if he’d want to be with one of them, he had enough chances of asking them out.”
It didn’t work out in the end, though (because of reason’s I’ll never be completely sure of), but it didn’t last long, so I might’ve become jealous at some point in the future, as I did in normal friendships to my closest female friends when our relationships shifted a bit and they suddenly met a new friend and always talked about them.
But that early in the beginning of their relationship, I think jealousy is really just depending on the person’s character – if you’re secure in your new identity as girlfriend (and as self-confident as Raidah seems to be here), why would you feel jealous?
plus, they’ve not been that long together (I think. It’s hard to tell with how much is going on and everything.)
Disagree. Personally, I’ve been with my current partner going on six years. He’s bi like me (frankly it’s easier to be bi in a relationship with another bi person because I do NOT have patience for monosexual jealousy about all genders which is a thing that happens for me and it’s tiring as fucking hell) and he has friends of all genders and I have friends of all genders and it’s ok. He trusts me to hang out with my gaming crew or with folks at work and he doesn’t get weird about it – and I trust him with his anime friends and gaming friends as well.
I think it’s more of a personality thing. If you’re wired to get jealous, you do. If you’re not you don’t.
Probably a bit to do with self-assurance and insecurity, too – I’ve never lacked for self-assurance so the kind of arrogant, “Yeah, I’m an awesome thing in your life and you’d be a damn fool to fuck it up – but the reverse is also true.” thing my partner and I have going is fine for both of us.
Well, to me, theres different types (or levels) of jealousy. Theres the type I have which (I’d hope) is the most common and that’s the slight pang of a gut reaction and then the brain takes over whereas for others theres the complete lack of trust and the jealousy manifesting itself in total control over someones whole life
As an example I encourage my wife to go out and do stuff and she encourages me to do the same (sometimes we’re a bit lazy so its nice to have a prod every now and then) and its all good
Its probably just me but if Raidah can let a relationship go and not give it another thought and think its no big deal then I’d wonder how much emotionally shes invested in the relationship itself
For me to go into a relationship means you open yourself help emotionally, you share your hopes, your dreams, your fears, your future so when that relationship ends, even on good terms there still must be…something
As was pointed out above they’re not that long together so that probably explains that but Raidah just, to me, seems a little cold
My point is that I don’t get that pang. It’s not in my makeup. That doesn’t mean I’m cold or that I’m not attached to my partner. And I’d thank you not to insinuate that.
That you feel jealousy does not mean everyone does. Nor does it mean that jealousy is a necessary part of attachment. It’s not.
Look at the nominee for Sec of Education and the people who have been her puppetmasters since she first started pushing the school “choice” movement. They people who pull her strings are a toxic blend of profiteers and hardcore ideologues who want nothing more than to destroy the public school system so that they can replace it with a “ideologically pure” private schools and make a killing off of selling a stripped-down “education”.
That’s terrifying, absolutely. If you’re a minority of some sort, though, you have some idea that the people oppressing you are doing it deliberately and are raised to do so. Especially so if you were alive pre-1970s in America.
That’s what I’ve been saying to people this whole time. This new government is a whole new level of evil, these people will squash us and stop at nothing to do so. They are perfectly fine with people dying and suffering – because that’s what they want. That is fundamentally what their rhetoric regarding “others” is. I fear we are heading towards another civil war, and I fear that’s the only way we can truly fight for our rights.
I’d try to argue that point, but, it’s kinda true. Sympathetic, moral, even loyal as she is, she is not easy to befriend. Joyce can basically befriend anyone not actively trying to physically attack her and the rest are her friends through Joyce.
I get Raidah here – I’m not really a jealous type… partly because I’ve seen what jealousy can do to a relationship but also partly because I take the view of if cheating would happen, nothing I do personally will affect it – it’s the other person’s decision to cheat. What being jealous will do is destroy trust in the relationship, and the end of trust is just a prelude to an end of the relationship for me (I can’t be with someone I don’t trust).
I’ve even been in relationships where I was cheated on, and it sucks – but on the other hand, if the other person finds it necessary to cheat on me well, maybe we’ve got conflicting relationship needs (I’m not poly. Not to knock people who are – but it’s not for me. I’m a serial monogamist by nature. It’s what I need from a relationship and I’m ok with that and I look for others who are also ok with it. Poly folk need something I can’t give them – not cuz I’m jealous but frankly because I only have so much energy I can invest in people and one partner is all I can emotionally manage).
Panel One: Awwwww, Jacob. He’s so nervous about this. Poor guy. Possessive partners must be the pits. I’m glad Raidah quickly dismisses that as ‘no, I am not jealous’. People can have friends of other genders. That should really not be open to debate and people who think it is set off a serious red flag for me.
Panel Two: Awww. Poor Jacob. That sounds awful. Unhealthy relationships rarely get labelled as such when the lady is a toxic partner. Because, y’know, ladies can’t do serious damage to others ever because we’re so soft and fragile, even though we’re statistically more likely to use weapons when we come at people to compensate for any physical discrepancies that may or may not exist. *fumes*
I’m not saying that’s definitely what happened, but apparently these girlfriends was vehement enough that Jacob is worried. Poor Jacob.
Panel Three: This is good. Knowing you’re great can be tricky, especially when you get a fuckton of beauty culture slamming you to be taller/shorter, thin but curvy in the right spots, and (if you’re a WoC) whiter. And all the rules for behaving like a lady. *eyeroll* Self-confidence is one of my character loving weaknesses, so it’s hard not to be endeared to Raidah here for me. Especially since we know she thinks other people are great (Dana, her friends, Jacob, etc.) even if she can be a jerk and a bully. People, confidence is one of the things that drew me to Malaya, Raidah’s little ‘I know I’m great’ is not going to turn me away from her. Especially since she’s not putting anyone down in the same breath. This isn’t her saying she doesn’t trust Jacob not to cheat, she’s saying she knows she’s great so she doesn’t feel anything to be jealous of.
Panel Four: That’s a pretty good attitude for cheating, imo. If someone cheated, they were not worth it as they clearly were undeserving of your trust and did not respect you enough to dump you first or restrain themselves. This isn’t the same thing as poly – poly involves everyone being on board and knowing that this is poly/an open relationship/non-exclusive/etc. Someone not knowing and being on board is cheating and it’s scummy. Raidah would indeed be better off without someone like that. She doesn’t seem like the kind who would get caught up worrying about whether she was inferior.
Panel Five: Jacob is so happy his girlfriend is unintimidated and also that he can keep his female friendships going without having to be worried. That’s so great. I do enjoy seeing things like this. And him double checking to make sure he understands Raidah’s position is a nice touch. As is her affectionately rolling her eyes and going ‘yes, sweetie, I’m fine with your friendships, you adorable lummox.”
And then he mentions Sarah. Oh dear. That – that’ll be interesting.
Panel Six: Screw you, Raidah, Sarah’s not that hopeless. Just because you no longer like her doesn’t mean others can’t – YOU certainly used to.
And Jacob’s smile is a bit smaller – I think he’s trying to wait this out and thinking it’ll end soon.
Panel Seven: And yeah, now Jacob’s awkward because he does like Sarah and this is clearly something hilarious which does not bode well for future relations with her.
And Raidah? Bite me. Sarah is abrasive, but she’s not so abrasive that being her friend is incomprehensible. Jesus. Again, you used to be friends with her, so you should be able to recall there were qualities you liked, even if you find her negatives (and bad history) outweigh that. But no, she hates her too much for that. And yeah, hate ons are strong, but it’s been almost a year. This much of a hate on is being petty. I’m grateful she seems to be sticking with avoiding her now. Still insulting her to her friend’s face though, which is dickish. Ugh.
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“HOW COULD I BE JEALOUS OF AN ANTHROPOMORPHIC CACTUS LOLOLOLOL”
…dangit, couldn’t think of anything better than sandpaper
A walking cat tongue?
Hey, they can be cool when you own a friendly, motherly cat who likes to lick your face often for a solid half-hour.
Still… an anthromorphic cat tounge.
Not to be confused with an anthropomorphic cat’s tongue, which is compelling to many lovers of furry vore.
It’s probably a faux pas to bring up fetishes. But cats usually have fou’ paw-s, so… *caned offstage*
a day without a cat is a day without a proper bath
I’m pretty sure that’s assault. Imagine the president doing it. If it’s still okay, then you don’t need to have your cat arrested.
Thank you for putting that image in my head.
No, not “thank you”, the other thing….
Well, it wouldn’t be anywhere near as bad as anything the President will actually do…
Both history and current events would seem to call that standard into question…
This isn’t Girls with slingshots yo.
I was expecting “Cactrot”
Mcpedro?
Sarah’s like a microplane grater liberally doused with lemon juice?
ANTHROPOMORPHIC RUG BURN
I like Raidah’s opinions on cheating, not so much on Sarah
She isn’t that wrong.
Yeah, I am kind of a Sarah fan and even I can’t argue with her lack of social graces.
Agreed – I’m pretty sure Sarah herself might describe her personality similarly.
“Abrasive” does cover her quite aptly, yes.
Human Sandpaper? More like a high-powered electric angle grinder! xD
Yep. I would like Raidah to fall from Jacob’s grace, but *sigh* she’s right, in this case.
I hope that Sarah uses her earlier realization to eventually open up to Jacob instead of just lusting after him.
I’m hoping she backs off, because she hasn’t actually shown much interest in knowing him platonically, and has outright stated an interest in sabotaging his current relationship.
No, but she’s still being an asshole about it.
She isn’t at all wrong Sarah is one of the most abrasive people in the setting who isn’t a villain.
I wouldn’t go so far as to say “She isn’t at all wrong” given that Raidah genuinely believes that Sarah *is* a villain.
Belief != reality.
Well, yes. That’s the point. If her beliefs do not align with reality, then she IS at all wrong.
I agree on the cheating thing. I’m not sure how I’d act if I was actually dating but I’d say either having female friends will lead to him cheating, in which case why put it off, or it won’t, in which case I’m both being unfair to my boyfriend and implying that men and women can’t be friends. I think the second one encourages all sorts of sexism.
I can’t say XX is a good worker what would my girlfriend think.
She needs to work on her evil laugh. Maybe she could practice in her downtime. 😉
Sydney teaches seminars on weekends.
Unfortunately her thousand buck fee has dissuaded most potential customers.
Or she could hang out at Gallasso’s, learn from the master.
I have a friend from Catholic high school who could bust out a killer evil laugh. He was in theater, but he only managed to actually work his laugh into the performance freshman year as an offscreen evil voice. It was… chilling.
I actually joined him in the drama club for our senior year production of Twelve Angry Men, as an offstage voice. I did not do an evil laugh, and that is one of my few regrets in life.
You can still do an evil laugh, I believe in you, the dream can be yours
It was more of a nervous laugh than a maniacal one, really. Raidah is hardly emotionally reserved.
The way she goes to the mattresses over evidence that she may not be that much better of a person that the people she blames for her misfortunes, or sees as in the wrong, clearly isn’t helping with that.
Dang it Raidah you almost redeemed yourself. Then you had to do that nonsense.
DISAGREE.
In Raidah’s defense, Sarah IS like human sandpaper.
In Sarah’s defense… that’s completely intentional?
If that was true, all the people around her wouldn’t have so many rough edges.
Pretend I used this nickname for that comment.
Wanna bet that how Sarah can at least admit to personal shortcomings, and the possibility that her misfortunes could be self-inflicted without it being a super-traumatic experience, is a big part of why Raidah still obsesses over Sarah?
So… Sarah has True Grit?
Of Coarse she does.
Oof, that’s rough.
Got to take the rough with the smooth.
Ans once everything is set they are just another brick in the wall.
*files pun away for later use*
Of coarse she does.
….
*flees for dear punning life, using the second pun as a decoy*
…. dammit, Stephen beat me to one of those puns….. uh….. LOOK! MONKEYS!
Don’t ape other’s puns. That’s just bananas.
I like my women how I like my sandpaper: Thin, gritty, and covered in sand.
Huh, I prefer mine wet.
It can be wet sand.
Then Wet and Dry Grade 6 is just for you!
…i can’t help but feel that if sarah did this it would be endearing, but i think i’m supposed to hate raidah for it (?)
Silly gkheyf! Sarah never laughs! She barely smiles! I’m kidding of course, but eh, you have a point.
I think the message is that two people can despise each other while both are actually not that bad.
To quote Handsome Jack: There’s no excuse for being an ***hole… unless you’re funny with it. Then it’s kinda totally fine.
Seems like a perfectly normal reaction to me. This isn’t pro wrestling, the characters have depth and complexity.
If Sarah laughed like that I’d be hella scared.
If Sarah’s laughing, either something is horribly wrong or Joyce did something adorably stupid.
Well, kind of. It’s Raidah’s harassment that caused Sarah to withdraw.
On one hand, I’ll hand it to Raidah that she’s not at all possessive. Her attitude is pretty much how I’d be. And poor Jacob for having to suffer that kind of jealousy before. As for her reaction to him hanging out with Sarah…I’m actually interested that he wants to continue hanging with Sarah even after what Raidah told him. And he seems unsettled by her reaction. I wanna see where this is gonna go…
Honestly while she shouldn’t have punched Raidah, I can’t say I don’t understand her frustrations after being bullied for approximately a year. I think Jacob knows that Sarah isn’t one to normally throw a punch and perhaps wants to hear her side of the story.
I agree, and I’m actually really glad that Jacob is mature enough to wanna hear Sarah’s side and give her a chance. It’s like he’s from an entirely different comic! Are we sure this guy is 18?
We’re not, actually. Not everyone in the comic is a freshman. Sarah is a sophomore for sure; I think it is likely that Jacob and Raidah are both sophomores at least.
Good point! Sarah is a sophomore and still living in the dorms, after all. And he’s in Sarah and Raidah’s level of classes…hm. I can’t believe it took me so long to realize he might be a sophomore!
Raidah definitely is, since she was around last year for the Dana/Sarah incident.
Jacob? Could go either way.
Their relationship has healthy communication AND healthy boundaries. Raidah makes clear what she accept and doesn’t, and Jacob even stands his ground on interacting with Sarah. Good on you, Jacob and Raidah.
The more I see of their relationship, the more I really really like it. Lots of respect for each other, healthy communication, boundaries, and conflict resolution. And he seems to bring out the best in her and he seems to light up when he talks about some of the stuff he’s learning with her and her respect for his desire for a more celibate relationship in the meantime.
And honestly, I think that’s perfect as far as a great conflict with Sarah, because part of Sarah wants to break them up because “I like him” and “she’s awful”, but even she’s realizing that Raidah’s a better fit for him than she would be at the moment.
Why do we not like Raidah again? just because she’s not a main chara? or what?
She assumed Sarah was just selfish because the only thing Sarah mentioned was how her performance was dropping and not that Dana was hiding how bad she was feeling from her friends, and proceeded to treat her like trash when she called Dana’s dad. I also didn’t like how she treated Dina when she learned she was hanging with Sarah, being very condescending and assuming she had some developmental problem. She drew the line at using the R-slur, but her behavior was still pretty nasty. But I’m not gonna try to say she doesn’t deserve to be angry at Sarah until we get a glimps of what happened to Dana after Sarah intervined, since Raidah may know she was struggling being away from friends at college.
Didn’t Sarah try to tell them that Dana wasn’t coping well? I thought the sticking point was that Dana put on a show of being fine around her friends so they didn’t really believe Sarah.
I’m guessing that Jacob doesn’t share Raidah’s opinion on Sarah.
*plays The Fixx’s “One Thing Leads To Another” on the hacked Muzak*
at first I read her laugh as very sarcastic but I guess she genuinely thinks Sarah doesn’t want/deserve (both?) real human contact
I mean it’s not like Sarah has worked hard to disprove this
Admittedly, being harassed by your last group of ‘friends’ would make one be adverse to human contact. I’m adverse to human contact thanks to some good old fashioned bullying in school! Good times, good times…
There’s just something about Radiah I dislike.
The fact that she bullied a person for at least half a year for a thing that she may have seen as monstrous*, but that at best would be deserving of cutting them out of your life rather than continuously harassing them?
*Not that it actually was monstrous, I still maintain that Sarah did the best with what she had to work with and the information and experiences she had.
And don’t forget the condescending way she talked to Dina at the mall!
Sorry, I’ve read this comment several times now in various forms, and you have been randomly selected as the one I’m answering.
That’s hypocrisy. That was no worse than everyone saying Becky making moves on Dina is weird at the dorm party. So where is the outrage whenever one of those characters shows up in almost every comic?
I mean I think everyone who treats Dina like a child and/or invalid is being a jackass but proportionally speaking being a jackass to Dina comprises a fair bit more of Raidah’s screen time so it sticks out more as a character defining moment especially since it happened relatively soon after her introduction.
I agree fully, which is why I decided to point it out 🙂
I think it was much worse. Yes, Joyce said that Dina “acts and looks like she’s, y’know, twelve,” and Dorothy and Sarah agreed that it was weird for Becky to hit on her. But Raidah went from assuming that Dina was in middle school to saying, “Oh my god. This girl is mentally challenged, isn’t she.” That’s a hell of an assumption to make, and she said it right to Dina’s face as if she wouldn’t understand her. Raidah then proceeded to be both verbally and physically condescending toward Dina, which would be shitty regardless of whether she was talking to someone with a psychological/intellectual disability or not. She may have scolded Chanise for using the r-word, but the fact is, Raidah is the one who went there in the first place.
That’s not hypocrisy. Someone I know saying in conversation “idk i think it’d be weird to date them, they’re kind of like a middle-schooler” maybe stings a little, depending on context and who it’s coming from, but it’s baseline. I do act like a middle-schooler. I know this. This person knows me, knows I’m an adult, talks to me like I’m an adult, the respect in our relationship is appropriate to a relationship between two independent adults. They say something ableist that I know half of everyone who meets me is thinking anyway, that is a blip in an otherwise mutually beneficial relationship.
Someone who meets me, decides (and announces) that I’m “mentally challenged,” and immediately starts patronizing me and trying to make decisions for me is just a fucking asshole. Most people at least have the decency to fucking avoid me if they think I’m a less-than-person. Raidah & co were channeling my middle-school bullies with that shit, a comment about how someone’s uncomfortable with the idea of fucking me doesn’t compare to treating me like a pitiable prop and addressing me only as a means to make fun of someone else.
Honestly, I’d say that the bit with Becky was worse – That wasn’t just a comment in conversation, it was a deliberate attempt by multiple people who should have known her better to stop Becky from hitting on her – to deny her the agency to handle it herself. That’s not the respect appropriate to two independent adults. That’s revealing that they never thought of her that way.
Raidah was perhaps worse, but more understandably so. This was on first contact and Dina was behaving very strangely and in the company of someone she believed to be dangerous. I’m not sure some attempt at intervention isn’t warranted there. Raidah didn’t handle it well, but she wasn’t expecting that to come up, either.
Of course, we know that Sarah isn’t a monster and that Dina is more capable than she seemed at that moment.
Her two friends though were scum. Raidah was ableist and condescending, but seemed well intentioned. They were mean.
The glasses.
I mean, seriously, what the fuck? What are those glasses doing again? They’re not helping her vision, not riding so low on her nose. If we’re always seeing her pupils from behind them no matter the angle, then they do nothing for her.
They’re clearly a pretentious affectation.
So much hate.
…
…
….. oh, and her being a designated antagonist to one of the main characters probably helps too.
I know I wear my glasses like that sometimes because I only need them for things that are more than like five feet away from me. I push them down on my nose if I’m looking at someone who’s standing near me.
That moment when you discover your SO’s mean streak and hope they never apply it to you.
has she met this Sarah girl? Negative as hell. They can be best friends
Phew. Jealous Raidah impression disconfirmed.
No, she litterally cannot imagine Sarah warming up to Jacob.
Or visa versa.
Though she also isn’t worried about Joyce, and she herself got along with Joyce just fine when they met the first time.
That’s what I meant – with regards to Joyce. But this might not be subverted with Sarah and Joyce now.
“You want to hang out with Sarah?? Sure, go right ahead! Everyone’s got a masochistic streak in them, I guess. I mean, I was her friend, too, for a while, I understand. I’ll be here when she finally drives you away! Have fun!”
I would like Raidah if it weren’t for how she treats Sarah.
Respect to that. I see that eyebrow starting, though. Methinks Jacob has Words for tomorrow.
aah, a genuine laugh a day. Keeps the doctor away. sorta.
Raidah, you fool! Your arrogance will be your undoing!
Everyone has an undoing.
Best to be able to laugh at it.
…. you know, insofar as the word “best” can be applied to undoings.
I can’t see anything I’m typing since I’ve set my browser to gray on black and for some reason text in these text fields isn’t showing up a sgrey.
So with that in mind…. I don’t understandw here all this Raidah hate is coming from.
Sarah is a perspective character and Raidah’s earliest appearances were of bullying her, thus heavily slanting general opinion against her.
I mean, I think her conflict with Sarah is amazing because they are both very similar people in a way (long grudges, caring deeply, can be a bit of a douche, etc…) who just happen to be on opposite sides to each other because of different perspectives regarding a tragedy.
And the fact that they are so similar, and in Sarah’s flashback at least somewhat friendly is what makes the whole thing between the two of them both realistic and sad. The two of them (Sarah and Radiah) probably could have become good friends. But because they both didn’t really know how to help Dana (and let’s be honest here, as they were both 18 I really don’t blame either one for not knowing how to help Dana), when Sarah did end up taking action she thought was right, the chance at an actual friendship slipped away.
Agreed. I think it’s a very realistic view of this kind of conflict. In the end of the day there were no villains and no winners and two not-perfect-but-not-horrible people have ended up bitter enemies. Tragedy is the right word.
That’s going too far. Raidah was a bully. And she continued to be a bully well after the excuse of “I was angry in the moment” had passed. It had been a whole year, and Sarah was willing to just leave her be. But Raidah had to bully her even more.
Raidah is the reason Sarah is how she is now. She was just shy before. Now she’s shy and hateful. Now she’s scared to get close to anyone because the one person she thought could help turned out to bully her so thoroughly.
She’s not irredeemable, but there is definitely a villain in this scenario. And, frankly, it angers me that people keep on trying to redeem Raidah when she has, as of yet, done nothing to warrant that.
I agree with a lot of this. Truth be told, barring a few instances, I’d be very wary of a person with that kind of ability to hate someone, especially given what we know about Dana’s situation.
That’s a very important point because Sarah was a freshman too. We don’t know her whole story, but I’m sure she like everyone else wanted to be liked and accepted. She tried to help someone and it resulted in being bullied terribly for over a year.
Most of us like Joyce, though – and although their situations are not exactly the same (they are not the same at all in the literal sense), the spirit of it is: doing the right thing even when everyone else disagrees with you or when it will get your hands dirty in the eyes of others. And sometimes the truth is painful, but we have to try to do the right thing anyway. That’s why people still like Joyce, it’s one of those clear black and white situations where she gets to come out looking like a hero for doing what’s to us the obvious right thing, even while clearly battling her hangups about sex and sexuality and even while she and Becky are dealing with the fallout.
I have a theory that Sarah has an unapologetic and non-accommodating personality to begin with (distinctly unfeminine according to the stereotypes and therefore unacceptable to a mainstream population, same with Carla, Carla doesn’t give a sh*t about people who don’t care for her, does what she wants to do with out feeling the need to accommodate people’s BS and I’m here for it all), which makes it easier for people to dislike her even when she does the right thing – in a situation, where there were consequences for all involved.
Perhaps if Sarah had a more stereotypically feminine, Joyce-like “nicer” personality where she experiences guilt for standing up for herself and others, people might be more willing to give her some slack? Just a theory I’m putting out there.
I’m just going to note Sarah was already a (to use her words) “B***hy killjoy misanthrope.” That’s not on Raidah. That said, Raidah almost definitely did not help.
Raidah’s first appearance in the comic was telling Sarah that she hoped she choked on her drink. When she reappeared later, she was condescending to Dina because she saw her as being ‘mentally challenged’. Not nearly as bad as her friend who outright called Dina the ‘r’ word, but still pretty jerky. And the whole fiasco with Dana and how Raidah hates Sarah because she dared to call up Dana’s dad when Dana was becoming dependent on marijuana to function after the death of her mother…yeah. That would be where it’s all coming from. I can see where it’d seem out of nowhere since Raidah hasn’t been in the comic aside from a couple of strips for the past few years.
This is a very good point. For me the biggest deal is not that Raidah and Sarah hate each other, but the way Raidah treated Dina. Raidah has shown herself to be capable of being mean and condescending to to third parties, in particular to someone whom she believes has a developmental disability. That is a huge red flag to me.
In addition, I get the impression that Raidah has deliberately persecuted Sarah and socially isolated her, while Sarah, for all her negativity, has not done the same sorts of things in return.
Sarah may be very negative and push people away, but she doesn’t do these red flag behaviors.
I am happy to see the complex way that both of these characters are being portrayed. And I’m glad to be seeing more of Raidah.
Raidah’s behavior irked me early on so when Sarah/Joyce/Dorothy had their jerky moment during the party and Dina stood up to them and told them off, I was so happy for her. Dina may not act typical but that doesn’t make her lesser and she shouldn’t be treated as such!
The only one that Sarah hurts, is herself….unless someone is trying to take advantage of her roommate.
Raidah seems to have a very positive attitude towards herself, but can be very critical of others and often doesn’t keep her opinions to herself.
We’ve had much more opportunity to see Sarah’s point of view.
On that note, I wonder if there was more to dana:s sorry than we’ve seen thru Sarah. Maybe Dana was queer and her father was unsupportive? Or something of that ilk.
I’m of the opinion that Dana’s dad is abusive or controlling in some way based on my experiences with students who are being abused and how substance abuse can be a red flag for that sort of thing (especially pot as it’s really good at helping with anxiety caused by a turbulent unsafe home environment where abuse is occurring regularly that you have very few options to deal with besides waiting it out).
It’s not one of my more popular theories, though…
I think this is the first time you stated so clearly that you see the drug habit as a symptom of abuse, which sort of explains your conclusion better than any “if he wasn’t abusive, she would be back by now”, which is rather nebulous.
Still, as far as I’m concerned the jury is still out on that one.
People doing drugs or drinking to extremes need to decide they want to live. The pain they are trying to drug away will still be there or even worse for their drugging, so they need to find othe ways of coping that are more effective.
Telling someone, “no, I won’t stay around to keep you from drinking for the required week of dryness before you can start therapy” may make them realize they have to decide if they want to live, decide to take responsibility or may make them decide to drink more and eventually die. You only know afterwards.
Been there, done that, been lucky. Horridest decision I ever had to make. They was no way in life or in hell me staying and keeping her dry would have worked.
I totally feel with Sarah here.
I think the main sign that Sarah’s decision put Dana in a worse place is that, well, Raidah is in contact with her, and she knows how Dana feels about it. If Sarah had actually led Dana to get help, I think a semester later Dana would have already acknowledged this to her close friend.
Now, it’s possible that Raidah is not actually as much in contact with Dana as she claims to be and is mostly talking out of her ass on the whole “Dana is not better” thing, but I’m willing to give her the benefit of doubt here. After all, Sarah did not have any evidence that Dana’s dad WASN’T bad for her, she didn’t consider the possiblity of abuse at all, so this outcome was entirely plausible.
I don’t know that Raidah is a reliable source on Dana’s feelings, though. Remember, she and their other friends thought that Dana was completely fine at a time when she was dependent on pot to be able to function at all, and having nightly breakdowns that were so severe that Sarah was unable to get any sleep. It seems like Dana wanted to pretend that everything was fine, rather than deal with her problems in a constructive way. She may still be putting on a front for Raidah, acting like she doesn’t need any help, didn’t need to be pulled out of school (and put in therapy, I’m guessing), and is only miserable because she hasn’t been allowed to come back.
Agreed. Raidah is not a reliable source because at this point she’ll say anything to make Sarah feel like shit about it, given that she’s been bullying her for over a year about it.
Except that came at a moment where she was backing off from that bullying and was moving more towards a worldview of “she’s toxic and I need to stay away”.
I dunno, as I say, I see a lot of little red flags over the whole thing and it’d be a weird lie to concoct out of nothing (I mean, Raidah is a bit of an asshole, but I don’t think she’s “lie about unsafe home environments” level of douchebaggery), especially since it’d be just as easy to say “no, she’s not” or “I don’t believe you”.
The “not according to Dana” in that line feels like it implies that she is in contact with Dana in some form, Dana doesn’t feel like she’s in a better place, and has said as such to her.
But what does “not better” mean though? She didn’t elaborate on that and she knows there is no way for Sarah to know about it, see what I’m saying? Raidah worded it in a way that she knew would make Sarah feel bad. It’s like saying “all you need to know is you made her life worse” which is not being forthright about it.
And we’ve already seen that Dana was lying to her friends about how she felt, so who knows if going home forced her to come clean about everything, or shes pissed about being pulled out of school and is still sticking to the “I’m fine and let’s blame everything on Sarah” story they all came up with.
We have never seen Raidah back off her bullying. She didn’t just come to the party and leave quietly. She deliberately made a big fuss to point out she was there and that she was leaving because of her.
And then she lied to Jacob about what happened, in an attempt to further ostracize her. She knows she was provoking Sarah. Leaving that out is lying.
I don’t think what Raidah said was an outright lie, but a) it’s not very specific (it could mean “my dad is abusive and being with him is awful” or it could mean “I insist that I was doing JUST FINE before so making me go to therapy is unnecessary”), b) like stegosaurus said, I don’t trust Raidah’s reliability in judging Dana’s emotional state and c) we have no idea when or how she got that information. She says “last I checked”–was that last week? Last month? Three months ago? We don’t know.
Dana absolutely could be in an abusive home environment; it would be consistent with the story as told (most of which we have second-hand from Sarah to begin with) and it wouldn’t surprise me if it was revealed to be true. But I don’t think we have enough information to say that it’s likely.
I think what we’re forgetting here is that her mom died. We have no proof that her dad was/is abusive, but we do know that death is a devastating event in a family. Some families do fall apart if the deceased was the person who glued them all together – not always indicative of abusive dysfunction, but it’s possible to have a family member you simply don’t relate to/feel all that much for and it’s just as possible that person is your parent.
It could be that the death of Dana’s mother destroyed her family’s dynamics. The death of the parent is not something she would just get over, so it’s totally possible that all of her doing drugs to cope is due to her not being able to handle her mother’s death. That’s not a stretch to me at all, many people spiral even worse than Dana did.
Additionally, many parents are wary of their children using substances. This is a very common parental rule – don’t do uncontrolled drugs of any kind. I think there’s a good chance her father didn’t even know she was using marijuana. So possibly her dad pulled her out and from his parent perspective her doing drugs and not applying herself in school (let’s be real, if she hadn’t improved it’s possible she would have been kicked out for grades anyway) further damaged their relationship in his eyes. So not only is she not coping with her mom’s death, her dad is mad at her for doing drugs at school.
Or, since he pulled her out, there’s a (very) small possibility that he knew she had no business being at school if she wasn’t anywhere near functional there.
In my experience, kids who are being abused tend to default to hiding how much distress they are in (cause distress gets you hit) and minimizing it when pressed for verbal detail.
In my experience “not better” usually means some really bad shit is going down. A student just today used the “not better” euphemism this morning. This afternoon I found out that that meant they are getting kicked out of their home onto the streets.
The whole main character thing, plus she was kinda rude and condescending to Dina. She…prooooobably meant well? But the whole thing was just a bit yikes.
This may be completely unintentional, but Raidah strongly reminds me of the kind of people who can be charming and seem great when they’re putting on an act, but are judgmetnal, vindictive, and cruel to anyone who goes against their wishes.
It’s not a great look, and stuff like this strip just come off as putting on a mask of not being a shitty person.
That’s exactly the problem I have with her. She’s petty – meaning she’ll go out of her way to make life difficult for people she doesn’t like. Instead of leaving Sarah alone, she’s on a year long mission to make her feel as bad as possible about what Sarah did, which I firmly believe was the best she could have done given the circumstances.
It’s like, oh you don’t like her? Fine. Be angry at her or don’t, just leave her alone either way. It’s been a year. A whole year. The thing about people like that, is they can be so nice to you , but if you do something to piss them off…
She’s not even that good at it, either.
Has anyone noticed when she’s trying to have a two-way conversation with others while in ‘act’ mode, she looks *reeeeaalllly* nervous, say, like in this strip,even.
While Sarah buries herself in her ‘human sandpaper’ persona to avoid the pressure of growing past her codependent sad-sack issues, Raidah will not stop trying to convince herself that she’s this blameless, sanctimonious, neurosis-free person that she isn’t, which only feeds the judgmental, vindictive, cruel side if her.
At least Raidah appears to be working towards self-improvement….If only to hide for smaller self better…
Ironically, I find Raidah’s ego far more…y’know…grating.
Hmm, really? That’s one thing that’s kind of endearing her to me, tbh. More people should be confident enough in their own awesomeness not to worry about their partner potentially cheating.
I don’t agree. People should be confident in their partner that they won’t cheat. Not think that they are awesome.
The only reason it doesn’t grate for me is that I assume she’s being facetious. If she really thinks she’s so hot that no guy would ever go out with another girl if they can date her, then she’s bordering on narcissism.
I disagree with you (people should definitely consider themselves awesome, high self esteem is awesome), and also I don’t think she meant anything to do with your second paragraph- being confidence in her own awesomeness doesn’t mean she could get any guy and no one would ever cheat on her, but as she said, that she isn’t worried about it, because that’s not what her self esteem is based on.
On the other hand, like Karishi, unlike Shiro and you, I find it grating, because she considers herself awesome even while doing shit things (shitting on Sarah throughout the story, condescending Dina the once)
A) Aw, these two have a nice dynamic.
B) And this is kind of why I hope that eventually Radiah and Sarah can maybe, someday, at the very least stop hating each other. Even in the flashback to before Sarah told Dana’s father what was going on, she did seem nice and understanding about Sarah’s social difficulties. And maybe eventually they could have friendship again. Although belittling Dina the way she did still makes me grind my teeth.
C) Jacob seems to bring out the best in everyone, with the exception of Joe.
It’d take a lot more time then a year for me to forgive someone punching me in the head and then add Jacob into the mix and I can’t see Sarah and Raidah getting along with each other any time soon
She has nothing to forgive. She deliberately antagonized Sarah. She was bullying her for a long time. And Sarah stood up for herself.
No, it wasn’t the smartest thing. She could have gotten in legal trouble. And Raidah now has a further excuse to hate her. But that doesn’t make it wrong.
Raidah doesn’t need to forgive. She needs to realize she wasn’t quite so awesome when she goes around bullying people for trying to prevent her friend from killing herself.
Even if it turns out that Sarah made things worse, she clearly was trying to help. Hating her to the degree of bullying her is wrong.
I like Jacob more and more every time we see him. Even when he’s worried about stereotypical jealousy, I mean, it’s from literal lived experiences rather than internalised tropes, and he seems to know better than it’s being an ok thing in an SO.
What a cool banana.
CLEARLY, he’s some kind of serial killer. Ethan has just been too polite to ask about all the blood.
Oh no! What if he murders way macho dudes for the shirts?
http://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-3/02-guess-whos-coming-to-galassos/freshstart/
Am I the only one here who actually likes Raidah?
Don’t get me wrong, she’s got a trait I don’t like, but it’s just the one and it’s the way she’s shifting blame onto Sarah because she wasn’t able to help her friend.
I honestly think it’s kind of scummy for Sarah to only start putting an effort towards getting Jacob once Raidah has him, especially when she’s only after a “Ruinous Motel Accident”, as Joyce calls it.
Sarah should just hook up with Joe already instead, they deserve each other.
Hasn’t Sarah started putting even less effort into getting Jacob since then? Like there were words at Joyce’s party, but she admitted they were dumb and embarrassing, tried to look cute (but not act out) once, and decided yep it was definitely still wrong, and since has been uncomfortable.
I also don’t get your ‘they deserve eachother’ because that’s usually said pretty derisively, and the only thing Sarah has in common with him is that she would like to have casual sex.
By “they deserve each other”, I mean that however much Sarah boasts about being above Joe and how she’s not on his “menu” or whatever, they seem like they’d actually get along.
It’d make a great sarcastic initially-unserious-later-developing-into-real-feelings type of relationship, you know?
That eye-roll in the last panel.
Yep. Which is why I’m expecting the next comic to see them in to start with Jacob saying, “Sarah’s not that bad,” and Raidah going, “OH YEAH, WELL…”.
“Do not make me laugh…as I did just now.”
So she’s not jealous, unless that is a laugh of overcompensation, but I do wonder if Jacob is about to get the story on why she hates Sarah and what his reaction will be to her version of it. Because I suspect that even in Raidah’s “Sarah lied about how bad things were for absolutely no reason whatsoever” version, Jacob’s going to have at least a little sympathy for someone not wanting to room with someone who’s doing drugs.
I suppose she could leave that part out but that leaves her telling a story where Dana got taken out of school when she not only wasn’t depressed but also wasn’t doing anything wrong. How would she explain that? That Dana’s father and school officials simply took Sarah’s word on Dana’s mental state?
I’m still shocked that they yanked her for pot use. I don’t know what most people’s campuses were like, but I’d say over 50% of the dorms around me were lighting up regularly when I went to college and that was at a school that was kinda the opposite of a party school.
Probably one of the reasons I suspect abuse or controlling parent.
I’d keep in mind that this IS Indiana, which isn’t the most tolerant of places… people were smoking hookahs in front of the dorms where I lived, and most people I know smoke pot regularly but despite casual attitudes towards pot use…it’s still technically illegal. I know despite people lighting up on my campus, it was still technically a drug-free campus. Any evidence of using marijuana would have been grounds for being kicked out of your dorms. Like now that I’m thinking about it, the whole Sarah/Dana conflict reminds me of my roommates.
One roomy had a boyfriend over, crashing on our couch, and they smoked pot in the restroom and got the place smelling awful. My roomy (we had a two room set up, two people in each room) was so upset that she debated on getting the RA involved and ratting our roomy out. I convinced her not to, since that was a pretty bold move that could have gotten her in trouble, but you can bet there was some talking about boundaries after.
True…
Despite not smoking pot myself, I do think it needs to be decriminalized. Kinda ridiculous how public attitude is growing to be more casual and yet the justice system hasn’t evolved with it. If we can buy cigarettes and alcohol, people should be able to buy weed.
Honestly I do have reservations against legalizing marihuana, but I’m willing to admit because I spent most of my adolescence with a group of people where everyone smoked weed, over half got bored eventually and moved on to stronger stuff (or got too used to it so that it no longer helped them deal with their shit) and a few of them died as a direct result. And from those who didn’t die, I’m still haunted by the memory of when my best friend at the time looked completely motionless like a corpse for several minutes before he suddenly woke up like a bad jumpscare. Hell, eventually they moved on to sniffing the gasses of gasoline.
I know there are many who object to the claim that weed is a potential gateway drug, and they might even be right for the most part, but it’s very difficult for me to accept that based on my own experiences and the evidence therein. The only immediate benefits I could see to legalizing it would be that then it might be possible to enforce a form of quality control.
Oh, well. There’s all that tax money.
Which can then be used to fund appropriate healthcare and moderation campaigns, instead of not being collected + being used to uselessly fight organized crime, which at times even strive to promote addiction in primary school playgrounds.
Legalization offers a much much safer usage culture, and yeah, quality control. If people escalated that much in their consumption, might be because there were addictive substances hidden in the marijuana. You know, organized crime wants to make a profit, so…
There are lots of benefits to legalization. Starting with an awareness and responsabilisation culture which could take over the actual guilt culture (guilt often leading to marginalisation, leading to aggravation of previous psychological issues, attempted alleviation of resulting distress via more substances… you know, vicious cycles and stuff).
To legalize does not mean to fully endorse boundless consumption. It means to approach the issue with the assumption that adults have a judgement to exercise and develop. And then help the percentage which really has issues, instead of putting everyone in the same basket.
If I recall correctly, the pot use didn’t get mentioned to the authorities. As far as the school is concerned Dana dropped out.
OK but the problem remains the same, even if the school had nothing to do with it.
Not really. If the school knew about the drug use, then there was a possibility of Dana having that on her record, which would make it harder for her to enter other schools later in her life. Withdrawing is *always* better than being kicked out.
Pretty sure her dad pulled her out.
” but I’d say over 50% of the dorms around me were lighting up regularly”
Forgive my confusion, but how does a dorm smoke? It doesn’t have a mouth. Did you mean people in your dorm?
I knew all of one person who smoked pot in college, and not regularly. Honestly, if my roommate had smoked, I’d have reported them to the RA the first time. I don’t consider this normal or typical at all.
I’d be iffy on it just because that stuff stains your record, they could be kicked out of the dorm and left homeless. In good conscience, I couldn’t do that to anybody.
I’d tell them to just stop doing it in the room first because I don’t do smoke in my living spaces period and if they didn’t well why should I prioritize their security when they have no respect for my health?
Exactly. And given the fact that minority students are punished more harshly and more frequently than white students, what were the chances of Sarah ALSO being penalized if Dana were actually caught? I saw it all the time at my PWI – minority students kicked out for vandalism and stuff like that, whereas is was VERY rare for a white student who did the same thing to get as harsh a punishment, especially when it came to drug use and policy.
Also – no tolerance policies for possession. Both can get kicked out for having it in their room.
I’m pretty sure her dad pulled her out more because of the rapid depression downspiral she was entering that was A: tanking her studies, and B: endangering her life. The marijuana dependency was just a symptom of the root problem. We can argue all day over whether or not his belief that being with family would help her cope with her grief is correct but I hardly think it’s an abusive or particularly controlling perspective by default. There’s a difference between being controlling and being a responsible parent and we really don’t have anywhere near enough information on her home life to make a judgement either way.
I think that’s misstating the scenario a bit. As Tadpole7 said, it wasn’t the school kicking her out, but her father. More importantly, it wasn’t just “pot use”. She’d been smoking all along and even Sarah was okay with that, but it apparently really escalated after her mother’s death and continued to do so rather than getting better.
Pot’s not a hard drug, but spending weeks on end stoned is still a problem.
I knew plenty of people who smoked pot when I was in college, but I didn’t know of any one using it that heavily.
Yes. Can we please stop with the “marijuana is so unlike other drugs it’s not actually a drug” rhetoric going around. I understand people wanting to legalize it, but it erases people with actual issues, whether the drug is the root of it or a symptom of the root of it. And frankly, where was everyone when all these minorities were being sent to prison for decades for minor drug offenses? It’s also wonderful that some people get a lot of therapeutic use out of it, I’ll be even happier about weed when those people get exonerated and minorities as aren’t disproportionately targeted anymore.
Where? Saying pretty much the same things. People have been saying marijuana isn’t really a hard drug for at least as long as I’ve been aware.
It’s a drug. It’s less dangerous than alcohol or tobacco, but it’s still a drug. It’s got some pretty impressive medicinal uses, but it can be abused.
Ah, by “we”, I don’t mean you in particular said that, just in general (maybe I shouldn’t have made that a rely?). I’m agreeing with you. I’ve seen it said here on the forums a few times, usually when we have debates about the Dana-Sarah incident, and when i was in school..
The “not a real drug” argument is BS one that I’ve heard a lot, is all I’m saying. You and I agree on its drug status, but I’ve seen the same kind of people who use pot advocating for stronger drug laws or painting minorities who use drugs as criminals, or who mysteriously have nothing to say about harsh drug laws till they start getting arrested/kicked out of schools too, and yet they are the same folks who would get high and shit faced on all kinds of shit at parties every weekend. Obviously not all users do that, but the cognitive dissonance is strong.
I saw an article a couple weeks where the debate was about whether it was okay for pregnant women to smoke weed. It astounded me that people felt it was acceptable that pregnant women risk smoking anything at all. Then came the people who argued that smoking cigarettes was different, and smoking weed is not harmful because even though you’re smoking it you’re not really participating in the act of smoking at all because, etc..
If I recall, they pulled Dana for being emotionally traumatized, not for pot smoking – that was just a symptom. Also, remember that her parents pulled her, not the school – parents rarely need a law to pull a freshman out of school. Same as with Becky – the school was tolerant of such behavior, her parents were not.
Comic Reactions:
Panel 1: Oh fuck, Raidah is me. 🙁
Panel 2: I feel so bad for Jacob here. Especially since I imagine a lot of the jealousy likely surrounded how hot he was and thus “bound to be picked up by other women” which would ignore his actual monogamous tendencies and the fact that he doesn’t really like casual sex.
I also feel bad about making a cheating with Joyce joke earlier in the week now that I know he agonizes over stuff like that and whether or not it can be read as cheating or flirting owing to his past experiences.
Panel 3: I feel you top half of panel Raidah. Like I get sexual attraction and lust. I don’t experience it, but I get it.
But jealousy. Jealousy is much more elusive for me because I just don’t have the personal experience to draw on for it. Like Raidah, I don’t do jealousy. Unlike her, it is not because I’ve got a strong sense of self-worth (I wish), but just because it’s just not something I’m really capable of. If I see a partner enjoying themselves, I feel happy, because my partner is happy and that’s adorable. And if a partner was hiding a secret relationship behind my back, I’d probably be confused more than angry, but then I’m not really mono.
So yeah, feeling baffled and alien to that whole dance is something I can identify with. Also, I envy that confidence in one’s self.
Panel 4: Like seriously, this is such an amazing healthy worldview to have. If you mistreat me, then I deserved better, fuck you, see ya.
It’s definitely a worldview I wish I had in the past so I envy the fuck out of that as well as her unparalleled confidence in her self worth.
Panel 5: Aww, I love this dynamic getting more screen-time, especially now that both Joyce and Sarah are interested in Jacob. Because it’d be so easy to just see Raidah as a base villain who needs to be kicked out so a perspective character can get with the best of the straight boy options.
But, well, they are so unbelievably healthy together. And we see that. How they have similar attitudes towards the physical, they have great intellectual chemistry and teach each other new things, and well…
That Jacob face. He’s happy, genuinely happy that he doesn’t have to tiptoe around friendships with women. That he’s not going to have to worry about his partner coming at him sideways because he enjoyed some nice conversation. This is genuinely healing for him from a bad history of jealous partners.
And I like that feeling of wanting to protect this fledgling relationship against characters I genuinely like.
Panel 6-7: That said, I still love the line Raidah had way back about how some people are just toxic for you, cause yeah, it’s very poignant. Not just in a sense of them being bad for you or put you at risk, but also in terms of making you a worse person, more petty, more backbiting, bringing out the worst.
Like, we see so many toxic narratives of the person who is toxic because they traumatize a person or are abusive or just shitty to them, but here we see a person who just brings out so many negative emotions that it brings out a worse side, a side that can bully people at its worst.
And we see that in Raidah being amused at the very idea of Sarah being someone to be jealous of or even to hang out with. And the little catty remark at the end. And it’s somewhat perturbing Jacob as we can see in his glance away and lost smile.
And that’s so sad, because things could have been so different in different circumstances and because I want Raidah to be able to distance and heal and be better as a person because of it.
Damnitt, fuck, I feel like I’m starting to genuinely root for Raidah.
The problem is that, for some people, anger and resentment become so internalised and key to their self-identities that they can’t let it go and won’t let it go. With time, they end up poisoning their every relationship and end up trapped in a knot of bitter anger towards all the people who ‘betrayed’ them or ‘wouldn’t understand their feelings’.
I’m not saying that Raidah is going down that path but her anger and reflexive need to denigrate Sarah is disturbing, to say the least.
“The problem is that, for some people, anger and resentment become so internalized and key to their self-identities that they can’t let it go and won’t let it go”
Absolutely.
Applies to a lot of what’s going on this country, and applies to people all over the political landscape.
This is so true, unfortunately. That sort of psychological state ultimately results in people trying as hard they can to destroy everyone around them, not realizing they are also destroying themselves in the process.
…I kinda have this big worry in my head right now that Sarah’s going to get fed up with Raidah and start encouraging Joyce to get more and more friendly with Jacob…
oh god and Raidah is Muslim too I’m sure Joyce has never ever ever heard anything bad told to her about Muslims no I’m sure Joyce has been told to love them just as much as-
*grabs the rum*
Yeah, this could go train-wreck-y real, real fast…
fuck rum, this bongo here (me) needs some rubbing alcohol for this. That or poking myself hard with a dull pencil. basically, a painful distraction.
…
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
i don’t like radiah, but i really like her confidence lol
Like Jacob, I think that there is something unhealthy about Raidah’s reaction to Sarah.
She has an elephant-sized blind spot where Sarah is concerned. It’s like Dana’s situation suddenly just blotted out everything positive about Sarah out of her worldview. She forgot that she herself used to like Sarah, she straight up refuses to acknowledge that Sarah has friends who do like to hang out with her, even Sarah apologizing for punching her seems to have been ejected straight out of her worldview as soon as it happened. She’s acting like she’s going off incomplete information on Sarah, except all the information is avaliable and right under her nose, she’s just… not taking it in.
So yeah, it’s kinda uncanny.
My guess? She was WAY closer to Dana than we suspected, and/or Dana is in a truly terrible place right now and Raidah (justifiably) blames Sarah. Not saying it justifies what Raidah’s doing. Not saying it doesn’t.
If she was closer to Dana than we knew, she still had no idea how badly Dana was doing.
Or she could just be a narcissist. I mean, these are classic symptoms.
It’s up to Walky, I guess, but DAMN do I get a skeevy feeling around Raidah.
It’s not inaccurate
…. wait, is she laughing because she’s not threatened by the (supposedly remote) idea of Jacob (or anyone) falling in love with Sarah, or is she laughing because she doesn’t take seriously the idea of Jacob (or anyone) wanting to hang out with Sarah AT ALL?
Both? Probably both.
Raidah is actively in denial that Sarah could possibly be likable to anyone, and she laughs to blot out the idea that Jacob thinks Sarah is alright in her mind.
That was rough, Raidah.
Why are Raidah’s eyes in her forehead? o.O Yikes.
Well, some people have a low forehead…I’m more surprised by the fact that they seem to wander up and down about…
Is anyone else thinking that Raidah hasn’t told Jacob the story about what happened to Dana? It seems like she hasn’t. I’m hoping she will and that Jacob will go get Sarah’s side and maybe do a little peacemaking. I don’t think Raidah and Sarah will stop disliking each other, but I feel like Jacob is the one person who could make some changes in that situation.
I feel like that situation has catalyzed Sarah’s own self-sabotage and I feel like shifting that situation could help her finally make some much needed shifts in her own life.
It would be pretty funny if Dana came back at some point, having gone through detox and therapy, and thanked Sarah for saving her life… I’d love to see Raidah’s expression.
Raidah would probably reject Dana for ‘betraying’ her and continue along her prior path, adding ‘making my friend turn her back on me’ to her list of complaints about Sarah. In about five years time, she’ll realise how she’s messed up her life because of resentment and probably blame Sarah (who she wouldn’t have seen for three years) for that too.
Jacob should be careful, sandpaper can really chafe…
Depending on the grade, how it is used and the amount of pressure, it can range from bleeding strips of skin to a nice soothing remedy for callous heels!
All you gotta do is know how to handle it.
I feel so frustratingly angry about Raidah. Because the whole conflict isn’t just that nobody could deal with Dana’s depression. It’s that nobody in that circle of friends understood that Dana’s depression was fucking up Sarah’s studies and eventually her entire future. Sarah told the other’s she was on a scholarship. Her midterm grades were the last straw because if she couldn’t improve, she’d lose that.
Dana commented that her dad RUNS A LAW FIRM. Yeah, upper middle class/rich parents can be abusive which people have made as a defense regarding why Sarah shouldn’t have called Dana’s dad (looking trough that storyline there is no hints that she has a bad relationship with her father though), but we got enough information about the whole dynamic of said group, that Sarah came from a background of having no security net and having to deal with this on her own, while Dana and “two, maybe three” of her friends would have had a solid internship the second they graduate because they have parents that can get them in without them even needing good grades.
My point being, Dana is probably 100% fine, being at home right now dealing with her depression and going to therapy. If she gets back to school next year, she will be 1,5 years behind her former peers, but the second she graduates she’ll be an intern at her dad’s law firm while still living with her middle class dad.
Had Sarah lost her internship, she would have been Paula in the comic On a Plate.
Raidah is being a jerk, and unless we get some info that Raidah is still in touch with Dana and gets information that she is being abused by her dad instead of you know, just being at home and healing/processing, then I say this conflict is not just two young adults both doing bad things, but Raidah actually being quite nasty and petty
Looking back at Sarah apologizing, Raidah flipping drops on Sarah that she could make her own father sue Sarah for punching her JUST to screw Sarah’s scholarship up. That’s a very powerful threat
Ruining a person’s entire school and career and potentially life for one single punch… yeah really not liking Raidah one bit, class perspective folks
http://www.dumbingofage.com/2012/comic/book-2/06-strange-beerfellows/relax/
I don’t think Dana is fine, but I agree strongly with the scholarship stuff. Dana was affecting that scholarship and so something needed to happen and Sarah chose the best option she could under the circumstances and given what she knew of the situation. Especially as that scholarship is what allows her to go to school at all.
And that’s one of the points of tension between her and Raidah because Raidah comes from extreme wealth and having friends who all come from extreme wealth (law students who are the children of lawyers and have firms lined up they can join after law school no matter what), so has no means of appreciating what a thin line Sarah is holding on to and how overwhelmingly crucial that scholarship is. In short, class privilege illustrated.
I think there’s also an important racial element in the pot storyline as well. Raidah was shocked about Sarah harping on the pot and frankly I’m not really of the mindset to treat pot as similar to other hard drugs no matter the classification, cause it isn’t. Heck, it’s less shitty than alcohol and nicotine which people treat as better because those drugs are legal. And I’d love to see a world where it was treated like any other prescription drug, because too frequently its demonized as part of an excuse to jail black folks.
And that’s kind of the elephant in the room in Sarah and Raidah’s conflict. Raidah couldn’t understand why Sarah was emphasizing her need to study and the pot use, because she didn’t have the class experience to realize how important that time to study was and the racial experience (she’s of color, but not black, so hasn’t seen the way black men and women have been disproportionately targeted for “possession of an illegal narcotic” charges for having a joint on their person (or say in their dorm room) and how that’s ruined their lives).
And so interprets it as the worst, because even if Dana isn’t being abused, I think it’s safe to say she definitely does not believe personally that Dana’s home is a safe or supportive environment for Dana. And so supplies her own negative characterization to why Sarah seemed to talk the most about the drug use and studying when talking about Dana’s situation. And that justifies a lot of hatred.
She is obviously not happy over being home, nobody would be happy over such a drastic change in their future plans. And it absolutely sucks being torn away from your new friends. But other than an off comment Raidah gave that Dana doesn’t think that she’s in a better place, we don’t have proof that Dana is actually in an unsafe enviroment. The way she reacted to Sarah after the funeral, snapping, cursing and then smoking indoors even though it seems to have been a rule they made to not do, gives me the impression that she is bitter and lashing out in anger towards anyone regardless if it /is/ good for her or not.
Not being in a better place, in Dana’s logic if she is still as aggressive and angry and lashing out, could just as well simply mean “My dad won’t let me smoke pot and since all my high school friends are off to college I can’t go and smoke at their place instead”.
I didn’t understand that Raidah wasn’t black. Is that confirmed from any other of the universes, because I’ve only read Dumbing? She has the exact same skin tone and lip colour as Jacob.
Raidah is a Muslim with an Arabic name, so she is probably of Middle-Eastern descent.
I believe Raidah is meant to be Pakistani or otherwise from the Indian subcontinent, as she is Muslim, not black, and her interests in her book profile included Aasif Mandvi. But yes, Word of Willis is that she’s not black.
Oh, I forgot that at least one of Raidah’s parents is a lawyer. Maybe part of the reason why she’s so confident.
How I loathe Raidah.
Sarah might have agressivity issues, but she’s sure as hell one hell of a passive-agressive narcissistic bongo. And yeah, I wrote the musical instrument’s name myself.
Filters change behavior!
I really, really despise Raidah, healthy relationship with Jacob aside. Sarah’s misanthropy, trust issues, abrasiveness, and what we see her doing now is the direct result of what happened when she was stuck making that awful decision with Dana and then after this trash and her cronies bullied and harassed her and tried to socially isolate her. I mean, Raidah’s only ‘right’ in saying that because her actions caused Sarah to break along those lines.
After all of that, and I am in the extreme minority here, I don’t care that Sarah punched her. What she was doing to Sarah was its own kind of violence, and she’s not sorry for it. I don’t see a single scrap of remorse in her for bullying and harassing someone, and I don’t honestly care what ‘her side of the story’ is, because I straight up despise bullies. I think I loathe Raidah so much because she reminds me very viscerally of people I never should have let myself trust, and when Sarah said ‘If I can’t get him, she can’t,’ I understood that feeling too. No, it’s not nice or ‘good’ of her, but it’s so hard to see someone who tormented you going on and living their life and having friends while they tried to ruin your life.
Based on Jacob’s expression in the last panel, I don’t think he’s satisfied with “she’s like human sandpaper.” It won’t be enough to completely upend their relationship, but Jacob is a good enough dude that he’ll want both sides of the story and he will NOT be happy once he hears Sarah’s side in-depth.
I give two weeks in-universe, tops, before Jacob’s entry in Joyce’s phone is “Perfect Chocolate Muffin,” complete Joyce-explanation of “You know, muffin because the expression ‘stud muffin’ and chocolate because he’s–oh shit I’m a terrible person.” I expect familiarity with the meme, the indirect comparison to Joyce’s best friend, and Jacob’s general good humor to keep him in “amused” territory.
http://www.dumbingofage.com/2012/comic/book-2/05-saturdays-all-right-for-slighting/carl/
This is Sarah’s first time being introduced to Raidah, and she calls herself a “bongoy killjoy misanthrope”.
The situation with Raidah certainly didn’t make things better, but she had these issues already. It’s not fair to blame all of them on Raidah, especially when Sarah is a character whose past we know very little about. What’s her family and home life like? What made her come to school that way? We don’t have enough info.
I want to see Raidah checking Joe’s Do List and see her reaction to her absence, or low priority on the list.
I wanted to write a long comment about how I find Raidah lacking warmth towards Jacob and how I share her sentiment about jealousy but I really don’t like her reasoning, but I figured, nobody reads this anyways.
I’d love to read it if you’re still interested in writing it.
I would read it.
Me, me!! *raises arms and waves* I’d also be interested in that long comment! (also because I want to know “why lack of warmth?”)
I read all the comments.
I didn’t know which of you to reply to, so I chose this solution. I start at the beginning. I view love as something substantially different than the sum of friendship + attraction. (Mind, for me friendship encorporates trust, loyalty, common interests, etc) I was in a relationship for 5 years convinced the sum of those two is enough. Itwasn’t a bad relationship, it was way better than all the others we’ve seen around us. But then I came accross love. I didn’t cheat, hell no (it is one of the points I want to make, that cheating is not the only possible outcome when you meet someone “better”). I’ve been with my current boyfriend for more than two years and I’m still starstrucked from time to time when I look at him. It is difficult to describe my notion of love, because all these words are ruined by teen novels.
I see this kind of love as the only valid reason ffor being in a romantic relationship. To put it short, I don’t see anything near this in either of them towards the other. It is at best a friendship with holding hands. But I should do an archive research next time I’m at a regular PC. Thats itfor the first point.
Love has an end, and it usually does not coincide in the two parties. I think there is nothing you can do about that, but accept, and tell right away when you are sure of it. Some people lack the insight or will to examine, or are afraid to confess, to themselves or the other, and that leads to cheating. I trust my partner that he will tell me this, and he trusts me. That is going to be very sad, mourning is cue, but it is not something I answer “Fuck you” to. He cannot fall for someone else until he loves me, and when he no longer loves me, we no longer belong together. In this model there is no time for jealousy. And her other sentence, love ends indifferently of both of oyou being great (or one of you, in case of cheating). And since the best of relationships end too, I find saying “I deserved better ” as not giving credit to all the good things that have happened. So Raidah comes off to me as overly defensive and egotistic. (I also say things like her when talking to people from whom I don’t expect the depth of understanding my reasoning above. But I guess one’s partner shouldn’t fall into that category.)
I tried to keep this as short as possible, and I really hope I chose the words with the appropriate meanings. I explaind this a million times in Hungarian, but never tried in English until now.
First of all: Thanks for giving in to our bugging and writing that comment!
I kind of get where you’re coming from. Up till now I only started romantic relationships once I was sure I felt really attracted to them (+ love-ish feelings – I agree with you, teen romances kinda ruined being able to describe those feelings properly… and this attraction only developed after some time of friendship or at least knowing them) and didn’t just like them as a person. That’s also why, generally speaking, I only had two real relationships in my life up till now, one was as a young teen (which doesn’t really count that much because it was rather innocent) and the other one happened about 1 1/2 years ago, which he ended because he stopped having feelings for me – after being together for about 1 1/2 months (and he originally initiated it).
And honestly speaking, love to me cannot happen immediately, but develops over time, whether it being romantic love or the deep platonic love I have towards my friends, and it therefore also TAKES time to ‘undevelop’. But I think that’s a very individual and personal kind of field. I take a very long time to fall in love, and very seldom do, and before I’d even feel something of the remote remembrance of ‘love’ or at least ‘romantic interest’ – I’d never date someone. Other people feel differently about that. I could also never have sex with a stranger, because for me that needs deep feelings and trust, other people don’t need that (and there’s nothing wrong with that).
There a different kinds of love, and though I get your position, I don’t think it necessarily ENDS. It may change from time to time, sure, but I still think one can work against love changing or decreasing, unless circumstances (e.g. distance, other person’s behaviour changing etc) and will prevent someone from doing so. But this is just my idea of it, I’d still need to experience this first-hand myself. (though I did have similar experiences in frienships – and in the end my close friendships endured estrangement and just grew deeper. I imagine that is possible with love, if you can respect the other persons own personal growth and development).
And yeah, once feelings stop completely, it’s best to immediately say this. Doesn’t mean though I can’t react to it with a “Fuck you” – mentality, it’s actually part of the phases of separation (or grief) – you take some time to accept or realise it, you’re hurt and sad and angry and feel as if you’re worth nothing and usually circle between those feelings, you then slowly try to find yourself again – still maybe get angry or sad; until you finally survived it. That’s how it felt for me after the break-up and, yes, in the end it is better he told me, but for me personally, a chance to ‘unlove’ a bit would’ve been much better than one side simply deciding “Heck, I stopped loving you, that’s why I end it.” – It’s a relationship and if it wasn’t bad (with physical or mental abuse) the end of it should at least in some way be a bit mutual, and not one side ending it. But that’s now me just blabbering.
Back to the point – if it didn’t work out then “I deserved better” does ring true in some way – if you share my opinion that someone could affect his/her own feelings to some extent – and if one person after a short relationship ends it, then yeah, you actually deserve better.
Sorry, this got a bit confusing, but I’m too lazy to structure it thoroughly for now – I hope it still makes sense, somehow.
Huh. This is the first time I’ve genuinely disliked Raidah. But on the plus side, Jacob’s thoughtful look means he’s gonna want to hear Sarah’s story now.
How many people actually type ‘bongo’ now, instead of the word the content filter was set up to replace? I’m genuinely curious.
I don’t use the ‘b’ word.
Except for ‘banjo’.
… Oops
I might just be reading this the wrong way but I think Raiden saw Sarah as some sort of charity case from the start and not really as a person she wanted to hang out with. So when Sarah starts complaining about her grades and her friends increasing pot use, she thought silly girl needs to learn that being there for your friends fun are important than grades and a little pot won’t kill you, instead of she’s genuinly concerned about her roommate, this has taken its toll on her and she can’t keep this up.
Even before then the nature of their relationship is likely something Sarah understood, and they likely either became a chore to improve herself or a group which would give her access to stuff, but she likely always knew she was an outsider.
Now Sarah has real friends and it baffles Raiden.
I’m going to assume your autocorrect reared its ugly head, but for the moment I’m alternately inserting Raiden from MGS and from Mortal Kombat in Raidah’s spot and it makes all of this so much more amusing.
Not autocorrect I got her name wrong all by myself.
Panel three provides an extra reason Raidah can’t judge Jacob on “wandering eye syndrome”.
I don’t get Raidahs view in this, I’m not saying its wrong because each to their own, but I’m not sure how can you have a relationship and not have even the slightest bit of jealousy come through.
For example my wife and I have complete trust in each other but I still got a little twang of jealousy when she told me about some temp workers (probably didn’t help they were French and Italian) at her place of work and just like if I’m telling her some anecdote about a girl I used to know then there might be a slight change in the pitch or tone of her voice.
I mean to me if you care about someone then jealousy is a completely normal emotional reaction to have (depending on the severity of course) so Raidah is either just coming off a little cold to me or maybe just place as much importance on the relationship as Jacob does
Or I’m completely wrong
I think it really just depends on the person and how deep the emotional bond to them is. With my last boyfriend I knew he had many female friends, and he even told me that his last girlfriend couldn’t deal with that – she surpressed her jealousy and then exploded some time after holding everything in for a year or longer.
So, I just thought “Well, he knew them well before me, so logically speaking, if he’d want to be with one of them, he had enough chances of asking them out.”
It didn’t work out in the end, though (because of reason’s I’ll never be completely sure of), but it didn’t last long, so I might’ve become jealous at some point in the future, as I did in normal friendships to my closest female friends when our relationships shifted a bit and they suddenly met a new friend and always talked about them.
But that early in the beginning of their relationship, I think jealousy is really just depending on the person’s character – if you’re secure in your new identity as girlfriend (and as self-confident as Raidah seems to be here), why would you feel jealous?
plus, they’ve not been that long together (I think. It’s hard to tell with how much is going on and everything.)
Yeah good points
Disagree. Personally, I’ve been with my current partner going on six years. He’s bi like me (frankly it’s easier to be bi in a relationship with another bi person because I do NOT have patience for monosexual jealousy about all genders which is a thing that happens for me and it’s tiring as fucking hell) and he has friends of all genders and I have friends of all genders and it’s ok. He trusts me to hang out with my gaming crew or with folks at work and he doesn’t get weird about it – and I trust him with his anime friends and gaming friends as well.
I think it’s more of a personality thing. If you’re wired to get jealous, you do. If you’re not you don’t.
Probably a bit to do with self-assurance and insecurity, too – I’ve never lacked for self-assurance so the kind of arrogant, “Yeah, I’m an awesome thing in your life and you’d be a damn fool to fuck it up – but the reverse is also true.” thing my partner and I have going is fine for both of us.
Well, to me, theres different types (or levels) of jealousy. Theres the type I have which (I’d hope) is the most common and that’s the slight pang of a gut reaction and then the brain takes over whereas for others theres the complete lack of trust and the jealousy manifesting itself in total control over someones whole life
As an example I encourage my wife to go out and do stuff and she encourages me to do the same (sometimes we’re a bit lazy so its nice to have a prod every now and then) and its all good
Its probably just me but if Raidah can let a relationship go and not give it another thought and think its no big deal then I’d wonder how much emotionally shes invested in the relationship itself
For me to go into a relationship means you open yourself help emotionally, you share your hopes, your dreams, your fears, your future so when that relationship ends, even on good terms there still must be…something
As was pointed out above they’re not that long together so that probably explains that but Raidah just, to me, seems a little cold
My point is that I don’t get that pang. It’s not in my makeup. That doesn’t mean I’m cold or that I’m not attached to my partner. And I’d thank you not to insinuate that.
That you feel jealousy does not mean everyone does. Nor does it mean that jealousy is a necessary part of attachment. It’s not.
this article is not related to today’s comic but it’s very related to the theme of DoA in general: the indoctrination of children and youth into certain sects of Christianity with the goal of changing government policy. It seems something that Joyce and Becky (and Robin?) personally went through
https://www.autostraddle.com/i-was-trained-for-the-culture-wars-in-home-school-awaiting-someone-like-mike-pence-as-a-messiah-367057/
Next time Something Awful drops the paywall, look up the threads by a poster called Prester Jane – she’s got some good analyst of.
Look at the nominee for Sec of Education and the people who have been her puppetmasters since she first started pushing the school “choice” movement. They people who pull her strings are a toxic blend of profiteers and hardcore ideologues who want nothing more than to destroy the public school system so that they can replace it with a “ideologically pure” private schools and make a killing off of selling a stripped-down “education”.
That’s terrifying, absolutely. If you’re a minority of some sort, though, you have some idea that the people oppressing you are doing it deliberately and are raised to do so. Especially so if you were alive pre-1970s in America.
That’s what I’ve been saying to people this whole time. This new government is a whole new level of evil, these people will squash us and stop at nothing to do so. They are perfectly fine with people dying and suffering – because that’s what they want. That is fundamentally what their rhetoric regarding “others” is. I fear we are heading towards another civil war, and I fear that’s the only way we can truly fight for our rights.
*meant as a reply to Derek*
I’d try to argue that point, but, it’s kinda true. Sympathetic, moral, even loyal as she is, she is not easy to befriend. Joyce can basically befriend anyone not actively trying to physically attack her and the rest are her friends through Joyce.
I get Raidah here – I’m not really a jealous type… partly because I’ve seen what jealousy can do to a relationship but also partly because I take the view of if cheating would happen, nothing I do personally will affect it – it’s the other person’s decision to cheat. What being jealous will do is destroy trust in the relationship, and the end of trust is just a prelude to an end of the relationship for me (I can’t be with someone I don’t trust).
I’ve even been in relationships where I was cheated on, and it sucks – but on the other hand, if the other person finds it necessary to cheat on me well, maybe we’ve got conflicting relationship needs (I’m not poly. Not to knock people who are – but it’s not for me. I’m a serial monogamist by nature. It’s what I need from a relationship and I’m ok with that and I look for others who are also ok with it. Poly folk need something I can’t give them – not cuz I’m jealous but frankly because I only have so much energy I can invest in people and one partner is all I can emotionally manage).
Panel One: Awwwww, Jacob. He’s so nervous about this. Poor guy. Possessive partners must be the pits. I’m glad Raidah quickly dismisses that as ‘no, I am not jealous’. People can have friends of other genders. That should really not be open to debate and people who think it is set off a serious red flag for me.
Panel Two: Awww. Poor Jacob. That sounds awful. Unhealthy relationships rarely get labelled as such when the lady is a toxic partner. Because, y’know, ladies can’t do serious damage to others ever because we’re so soft and fragile, even though we’re statistically more likely to use weapons when we come at people to compensate for any physical discrepancies that may or may not exist. *fumes*
I’m not saying that’s definitely what happened, but apparently these girlfriends was vehement enough that Jacob is worried. Poor Jacob.
Panel Three: This is good. Knowing you’re great can be tricky, especially when you get a fuckton of beauty culture slamming you to be taller/shorter, thin but curvy in the right spots, and (if you’re a WoC) whiter. And all the rules for behaving like a lady. *eyeroll* Self-confidence is one of my character loving weaknesses, so it’s hard not to be endeared to Raidah here for me. Especially since we know she thinks other people are great (Dana, her friends, Jacob, etc.) even if she can be a jerk and a bully. People, confidence is one of the things that drew me to Malaya, Raidah’s little ‘I know I’m great’ is not going to turn me away from her. Especially since she’s not putting anyone down in the same breath. This isn’t her saying she doesn’t trust Jacob not to cheat, she’s saying she knows she’s great so she doesn’t feel anything to be jealous of.
Panel Four: That’s a pretty good attitude for cheating, imo. If someone cheated, they were not worth it as they clearly were undeserving of your trust and did not respect you enough to dump you first or restrain themselves. This isn’t the same thing as poly – poly involves everyone being on board and knowing that this is poly/an open relationship/non-exclusive/etc. Someone not knowing and being on board is cheating and it’s scummy. Raidah would indeed be better off without someone like that. She doesn’t seem like the kind who would get caught up worrying about whether she was inferior.
Panel Five: Jacob is so happy his girlfriend is unintimidated and also that he can keep his female friendships going without having to be worried. That’s so great. I do enjoy seeing things like this. And him double checking to make sure he understands Raidah’s position is a nice touch. As is her affectionately rolling her eyes and going ‘yes, sweetie, I’m fine with your friendships, you adorable lummox.”
And then he mentions Sarah. Oh dear. That – that’ll be interesting.
Panel Six: Screw you, Raidah, Sarah’s not that hopeless. Just because you no longer like her doesn’t mean others can’t – YOU certainly used to.
And Jacob’s smile is a bit smaller – I think he’s trying to wait this out and thinking it’ll end soon.
Panel Seven: And yeah, now Jacob’s awkward because he does like Sarah and this is clearly something hilarious which does not bode well for future relations with her.
And Raidah? Bite me. Sarah is abrasive, but she’s not so abrasive that being her friend is incomprehensible. Jesus. Again, you used to be friends with her, so you should be able to recall there were qualities you liked, even if you find her negatives (and bad history) outweigh that. But no, she hates her too much for that. And yeah, hate ons are strong, but it’s been almost a year. This much of a hate on is being petty. I’m grateful she seems to be sticking with avoiding her now. Still insulting her to her friend’s face though, which is dickish. Ugh.