It depends on what the need is. If it’s to get what you want then it’s bad. If it’s to give pleasure to others then it’s alright, but still not long. If it’s to induce a state a mutual ecstasy that feels like an eternity, then you might be made of cheesecake.
Depends on the exact circumstance and if ‘need’ refers to ‘this is the shortest quantity of time possible I can do it in’ or not. Like, if you both only want a quickie because of time restraints, it can be good, but if you are trying to have a night of loving and you can’t last past that point, then it can be bad as your needs and wants wouldn’t be aligning with your partner’s.
Stuff like that makes me envy their comic book time. For us the election a multi-year exercise in human despair, for the Dumbing of Age kids, it’s a couple of months in the background of their unending freshman life.
Aquaducts, sanitation, roads (the roads go without saying), irrigation, medicine, education, health, wine, public baths, and its safe to walk the streets at night.
“I’ve set the timers for six minutes, the same six minutes you gave me. It was the least I could do for a friend.”
“What does he mean?”
“We’ve got three minutes.”
it feels weird writing stories knowing you can at a whim change so much. Although once a character i was writing yelled at me in my head because apparently he though “there is no way i would do that.”
Pretty common experience for many writers, when they’ve tried to force ’em to do something not true to their nature… Once had two gang up on me in open revolt.
“Gol’darnit, get off mah lawn, Binky! Death ain’t comin’fer my ol’ bones until I’m good’n ready! An’ when’ee do, Imma kick ‘im right in his anthropomorphin’ personifiwhatsits! Kekeke! Go back’n tell ‘im I’ll only believe it’s endin’ when the other three horsemajiggers get here!”
-the first thing that comes to my mind for: “…act like they are 100 and the world is about to end.”
Umm, no. It’s literally just a bunch of somewhat cliche lines that I threw Pratchett references into. Don’t inflate my ego,(If it gets much bigger I’ll need a Maxwell Lord avatar.) I don’t write as well as Pratchett did.
As someone who’s looked at the issue from both sides of the aisle (depressed young college student and reasonably-stable adult), it’s a tough problem. When you’re that down, and when you don’t have any life experience as a *happy* adult, it’s almost impossible to visualize things getting better. And yet what can we, as older and theoretically-wiser people, offer besides a listening ear and the idea of a better future?
well her five minutes bit was purely logical. if there is a choice to be made within minutes you only have said minutes to make the choice of what you want to do next with your life.
Best way to deal with depressed people actually isn’t to tell them that they *will* feel better eventually, because they have a very hard time *believing* that. It reminds them of a potential for things *not* getting better for a *very* long time.
Instead, acknowledge their feelings. Something like: “I’m sorry that things suck right now. I hope they get better, but in the meanwhile I’m here for you” will work much better. Don’t be pushy. Don’t try to make things better *right now*. Just offer your ear, and ask how you can help.
Most people *really* don’t understand depression well enough to jump right in and try to offer a solution.
I was completely unable to believe that there would be a “better” until I was better. Which probably doesn’t make sense but what I mean is this: Optimism about the future was the last thing to come back to me in recovery. To give an idea: I started on the slow downward slide around 12ish, I think (given that I now know I’m trans it’s not a surprise that was about when I started to show the first signs of puberty – which I hit late, thankfully). I hit the worst of it at 16 (again, in retrospect – not really a surprise that this was one my secondary sex characteristics were making it close to impossible to be seen as who I am unless it was winter). Turned the corner around 17. Graduated therapy around 18. Wasn’t able to feel genuine optimism about the future until mid-20s. Before that, I didn’t really have ambition, I was just going through the motions of what others told me I should do because I wasn’t able to tune into what I wanted – and even when I was, I wasn’t able to feel like what I wanted would feasibly work.
I don’t think people who haven’t been depressed in the way I was (depression shows up differently for different people. Mine was like Ruth’s – pessimistic, nihilistic and above all angry) understand that when you’re in that place, it’s not even that you won’t believe it gets better – it’s that you can’t. That’s part of the illness. You can’t think it gets better – you can’t feel even a ghost of a shred of optimism because your brain won’t let you. That’s how you’re sick.
So how do you react when someone oh-so-cheerfully asserts something you “know” in your soul is wrong? Depends on your type of personality and experiences – but I assumed people were lying because they wanted to trick me into staying around so they could make me suffer more because they were sadistic assholes who enjoyed watching me suffer. Was it rational? No. But with my experiences with life to that point (abusive family and bullied for my entire school career – every day in school, all through school, I was literally surrounded by people who made a game of making me hurt. You know how some schools have that kid that’s such a pariah nobody will associate with them because if you’re seen being nice to them, you get bullied for it too, who literally everyone from the teachers down shits on – only mostly metaphorically? That kid was me. Some of the shit I went through in school, I have yet to find a single person who will believe me about it because people don’t want to believe that authority figures can get away with that shit, but they can and they do – so consider that at the time, my perspective was informed by 11 years of systematic abuse) combined with my mental illness, that’s how my brain reacted to all but one or two people when they gave that line – and the remaining one or two just instilled terror because it was like a “you mean well but you’re wrong and now I’m thinking about the next several decades being like this and holy shit I can’t take it.”
Stuff that did help – there was one person who just kept talking about how they cared for me and wanted me to be around – they talked about the ways I helped them, and what in their mind made me a worthwhile person. They suspected (rightly) that I was planning to hurt myself soon. And eventually (several hours on), they talked me into trying therapy and putting it off for a month. That person saved my life. I don’t think I would’ve survived what I had planned that night. So
I went through a pretty different experience with depression. I started down that path about 12 like you, it didn’t really sink in until about 14 that it was a problem. I hated school, I hated the world, I hated myself, for not being normal, not being able to fit in. Where we really differ though, is that I knew my family cared about me, and it made me hate myself even more for being depressed and not being able to accept and reciprocate those feelings. The one thing that got me through the worst of it, what kept me alive, was that I couldn’t stomach the thought of what it would do to them.
Luckily, this story has a happy ending. I got older, I got out of school and away from the things in life that I hated, I got over myself, and I got better. I had the epiphany that I really could change my life, once I was an adult, that I could still have things I enjoy in life despite my shortcomings. I realized that all the things I thought were so important, the things that were ruining my life, didn’t actually matter at all. I made some friends, had a good time in college, did some things I’d always wanted to do and accomplished some things I’m quite proud of. It didn’t solve everything, but I certainly don’t consider myself depressed anymore at all.
So, while it might not have helped you, I feel like it would have helped me to have someone tell me that it really does get better. That all the BS dragging me down didn’t matter. That it was okay to not fit in, that I’d find my place eventually. I get it, I’m not normal, and maybe that doesn’t help most people, but I don’t think it’s completely useless.
“Look, guy, I don’t know what it’s like in I-Still-Have-Meaning-In-My-Life Land, but every direction looks like bullshit right now.” -Hyperbole and a Half.
Ugh, when I was most depressed, I did not find this comforting. Life felt like a prison sentence and I was jealous of old people because they would get to leave the world much sooner. (Hard to believe that was only two years ago, it is so different now.)
Yea, when you already wish you were dead, being reminded of how much longer you have to put up with the whole being alive thing is not the least bit helpful.
This comment needs to be shown to every person who starts talking about the time a person has left. I say they put it on a handout of stuff people need to know that everyone must read before being allowed to see someone in a psychiatric hospital.
The most successful therapeutic approaches to depression have been to walk the patient through unraveling the irrational thought processes at the heart of their depression — getting them to be realistic about themselves.
“You are just twenty, your brain literally hasn’t stopped developing yet” is an important facet of that.
But telling someone you’re young and have so much to live for does about as good as telling someone who just lost a loved one “they’re in a better place”. It’s a generic response that others say during a negative situation that is less unraveling thoughts and more white noise. It’s not Chloe’s fault or anyone else’s as people feel at a loss on what to do and say and don’t have formal training for it. The best people can do is just be there and supportive and when in doubt, talk to a professional to figure out what to say and how to say it.
and the people saying things like “there is so much that you wont get to see or do if you die now”
things aren’t always good. I mean sure it could be good like “that cheesecake was amazing” or a thing could be “Well I got gored by a wild boar while camping.”
It’s not about “life will get better”. It’s about “your brain is literally undeveloped, now is not a rational time to make life-altering decisions”.
It’s a generic response because it’s *true*. The whole reason depression is so insidious is that it programs you to deny these obvious truths, *not* because it’s revealing some “hidden truth”.
If 20-year-olds are incapable of rationally making life-altering decisions, we apparently need to raise the voting, military service, and sexual consent ages in the United States.
Exactly. Despite what she thinks, Ruth has earned her scholastic achievements so far. She does deserve to be happy. The only things she’s really done wrong are drink and have a relationship with one of the students on her floor. Even if she does get fired as an RA, does that prevent her from getting another on-campus job? It certainly doesn’t stop her from applying off-campus.
A lot of this mindset is probably thanks to her verbally abusive grandfather. Getting out from under that dark cloud would be a great help.
(By that I mean she needs to be freed from the threat of having to go back to him.)
According to some online IU documentation, even if she does get fired she has her job for the rest of the semester. If continuing her duties is a “significant threat”, then she’s suspended for 2 weeks with pay and can still file an appeal.
IMAO, she needs to know Ol’Grand Dad isn’t taking it all out on her Brother. I think she’s in the place she is right now, because she’s at an impasse about how to get him to a safe place as well, when she is foundering and it is all too much, too overwhelming to carry.
Exactly this. All you see for that future is a vast plain of meaningless, miserable nothingness that will never, ever, EVER change and you have to keep slogging along because, well… just because. You hear about young people dying in tragic accidents and you envy them, or wonder why someone so much worthier than you was killed instead.
Yeah… time doesn’t look so good from Ruth’s perspective right about now.
“Never ever” are two words that should get your attention when they pop up in talking to an adult person. These words -when not used as hyperbole – tell you that the talker is not in a good mental space right now.
Which reminds me that one of the 12-step texts I came across said that desperation was born from putting together the two endlessnesses of past and future, the doubt, pain and self-loathing about the past with the fear and doubt about the future. So you were asked to concentrate on today, this hour, this minute. Worked for me at that time.
Sure, but her perspective is objectively wrong. It’s a well-known fallacy, to assume that what you’re feeling now is how things will go forever, and successful therapy focuses on getting patients to recognize that.
Avoiding walking them through that, and instead validating their self-hatred and despair, is *not* known to be a successful method.
Me neither. They were saying, “You’re young, you have your whole life ahead of you!” and probably meaning that I had like 70ish years to turn shit around, but what I was thinking was, “Fuck I can’t take this for another 70 years.”
Weirdly, when I was at the worst of it – being reminded of how young I was made me more actively suicidal because of the terror of the prospect of feeling like I felt for 7+ more decades.
Ah the joys of group therapy in a psy hospital. Where you can get anything from a suicidal teen to a homicidal inmate with a broken leg to someone in the middle of a manic episode to a homeless person who has been off their meds to junkies coming off just about everything. And me. Yup. That was the group in one of my group therapy sessions.
The teen was quiet, the other teen in for anxiety hit on me, the female inmate threw something at my head and tried to punch the nurse, the manic man screamed the same several phrases over and over that made no sense to any of us, the homeless person was confused, the junky screamed saying her period was so bad that she needed pain meds right now, and the depressed man asked for somebody to marry him so he wouldn’t be deported to Russia and that he didn’t care who but would prefer a Christian woman.
And no. Nobody was terrified of me. I was the hyper perky sweetheart (their words. I guess Joyce without the Christian stuff?) who nobody believed was depressed and wanting to kill herself. No surprise the inmate threw something at my head huh? 😉
Oh, good. And that’s an unfortunate byproduct of wearing a mask, sometimes people think it’s real. And I agree with SB, too. It’s good that you (and Becky) have support that you need and want.
Yeah, I’ve experienced how the mental health profession has this “Shurely all nutters get along!” attitude. In sensible-land, you maybe wouldn’t even want to put someone with anxiety disorder and someone with borderline personality disorder in the same group. Let alone the psychopath and the autistic kid. And while I’m not usually the most scary of people, my unintentionally strange body language has been known to freak schizophrenic people out.
Wait a sec…Ruth wasn’t getting help for her depression, Mary broke up Billie and Ruth, this put Ruth into a much deeper depression but also made it more notable…did Mary save Ruth’s life completely by accident?
She had accelerated the timetable on it. If Billie ahdn’t asked Carla to check in on Ruth, and Carla doing so, then Ruth might not be talking to Chloe right now…
No Carla picking up Billie in a full body carry and charging down the hall way screaming ‘you are going to fuck your gf right now so she doesn’t kill herself’ is what likely saved Ruth’s life.
Nah, I think she just made it a faster and rougher trip to get here. If Mary hadn’t interfered, Billie and Ruth’s situation wouldn’t have deteriorated as quickly, one of Billie’s friends would have sooner or later noticed something was up, and they probably would have ended up where they’re at anyway, but possibly without the threat of losing her job hanging over Ruth’s head.
Quick question. Does anybody know if she’s in a real hospital and if so which one? I’m curious to know if she was put in one with a religious affiliation.
Thanks! So she got a caring staff AND it’s not affiliated with a religion? That is so great! The religious ones are kinda like brainwashing centers here.
Things have all been on point so far, and nobody has mentioned God a zillion times, and the school sent her there, and dealing with overzealous religion is already the Joyce arc, so I imagine it’s a secular one? I hope so.
Joyce and Ethan’s son who will never exist because Ruth-bot manipulated time to prevent his birth. So he won’t help fight Skynet after the Robot War begins.
(She had to do it subtly. Just killing peoples’ parents before they are conceived never works, the timeline always throws back some damn hero to stop you.)
Her eyes got upgraded when Billie got to know her and not just the mean, self-hating exterior everyone else knows. And they got downgraded again when they had to break up because of the blackmail, and Carla found her catatonic.
It’s like she’s putting up her walls so that no one can see the pain underneath. They shrunk when Billie was taken away but now the green is gone. This worries me more than her words in this strip.
Oh, hell. I didn’t even notice they slowly shift so that by the last panel, they look just like they originally did. I’d just chalked it up to her putting her glasses on at first.
Considering that her eyes looked like that before she and Billie hooked up, when almost of the reasons she shouldn’t be an RA occurred, I’m really worried too.
Both of her and Billie seem to be going back to some bad places and some bad habits.
Agreed. Also, props to Willis for adding so many tiny details in his strips even though most people won’t notice their first read through (unless they heavily read the comments). It made my second read through of the archive so much more enjoyable than with other strips.
I liked it, it let me focus on other people’s problems and feel like a good listener and helper, instead of focusing so hard on myself, I liked creating the safe space and being good at something for once. However, your mileage may vary, for sure.
I never interacted with mine. I just felt out of place and never talked. at least for the inpatient one. I talked at a couple of the outpatient ones…… something about not being able to leave vs going home after made a difference.
This was a spelling words wrong, but those words still being words, kind of day, apparently. And in case you don’t know what I was trying to say, it was “state”.
I get that. I’ve never found lies and unfounded optimism to be very comforting.
I usually lean towards “You can get through this”, or “It will suck less eventually”, or — when encouragement doesn’t seem appropriate — simply, “Shit.”
I see it as more “If it’s not better yet, than better has yet to come.” which is a weird sort of, I don’t know… tautology. Though all that says nothing for whether or not the statement itself actually helps any.
Yeah, I generally avoid definitive statements unless the person I’m talking to is only feeling slightly crappy. Even then I angle more towards realistic things that I can actually have some knowledge about or at least help with. If I can’t know and I can’t help make it happen, it just feels disingenuous.
Stuff like “Everything will be okay” I won’t even tell children, though. It’s entirely possible to be positive and optimistic without lying to them like that.
I have lots of experience struggling to find the right thing to say and very very little experience actually knowing the right thing to say… yeah, I’ve definitely acknowledged (to myself) just how useless (and sometimes even harmful) that kind of “It gets better” stuff can be. I still struggle a lot when I find myself in that position, though, and I wish that weren’t the case. (It happens quite a bit, to be honest.)
The unintended consequence to “It will get better” is for those of us who don’t get better (like me still grieving bad a year after my mamaw died) and some of the folks who told us that tell us to get over it and move on already.
It usually *does* address the situation, if the patient is willing to listen. A common fallacy in depressive individuals is believing their self-hatred is unique, and totally justified, even if you can get them to admit that other people are being irrational by hating themselves.
Give the ideas a chance, rather than rejecting them outright. They’re not being insensitive, they’re trying to show you the truth.
The thing is, being depressed a makes it very unlikely that they’ll be willing to listen, much less actually believe that.
If you want to convince someone of those things (and that you aren’t just feeding them meaningless platitudes like an ass) you should start with telling them why you believe those things, specifically, regarding the person you’re talking to.
Feeding someone platitudes is like buying a greeting card that says ”I’m sorry for your loss” and just signing your name. You’re impersonally handing them someone else’s rather generic words in a way that says ”Here, this should fulfill my social obligation to show sympathy to you for the moment”.
Its not monstrous; lots of people aren’t good with words our with handling these types of situations, but it definitely isn’t helpful.
I receive this BS randomly, shared just like a chain letter, only on social media.
While I am far from being in my best shape, I cannot stand this impersonal “inspirational” bla whether I am down or not. It only serves to make me annoyed (when I generally feel good) or angry (most of the time).
Basically, I’d skip the negations and apply the content on the “advice”…
So what you’re saying is that depression is a self-inflicted illness that is perfectly cured with a combination of chicken soup claptrap and “opening your mind”. And that therefore anyone who is depressed is just a closed-minded fool.
Agreed, but what else can be said? I suppose one thing that can keep someone going is to tell them if they die then the assholes win. Spite is a good motivator to keep on living.
For me when I was dealing with my Black Dog, “It gets better”/ “It will get better” / “it won’t always be like this” and variations on same always got me pissed the fuck off.
For a couple reasons: One, I had the same sort of nihilistic, angry, self-hating depression Ruth has. It won’t always be like this? Fuck you, I’m the fucking problem and as long as I’m here, it’ll damn well be like this. (turns out that wasn’t true, but that was what my brain responded with).
Two, I’d been fed that line for years on the bullying front. Next year, it’ll be better. When you get to middle school, it’ll be better. When you get to high school, etc. And it never was. And the people who fed me that line were always those who blamed me for being bullied, who told me I wouldn’t get bullied if I tried to fit in more, and who basically put it on me to not get victimized as opposed to my abusers to not be abusive little shits. And the folks who did that were also the folks who had the power to actually do something about the situation but never did. So I assumed (justifiably) that this was more of the same: Feed me a bullshit platitude so you don’t have to actually do anything about it. Fuck you. That one, I still think I’m justified on. “It’ll get better” is worthless fucking noise. You’re not fucking psychic, you don’t know, for one. For two, I’d damn well rather someone actually do something rather become a fountain of thought-terminating cliches like “It gets better!” and “Try harder!” and “Turn that frown upside down!”
Third is a piss off by association, mainly – the false optimism thought-terminating cliches were usually a launch point IME to guilt trips over having a mental illness. How could you do this to your family? Don’t you ever think about what it does to us? How it makes us look? And so on. So I hear those sorts of lines and immediately I’m tensing and waiting for the emotional blackmail. Which isn’t often coming anymore – but it’s an association I have.
On the last bit, the underlying premise looks like “I love you and therefore I have property rights in you that are more important than your unbearable pain.”
Not wanting to hurt people as a reason not to can work if it comes from inside you, but trying to invoke it from the outside…
Ruth’s eyes are drawn shinier once Chloe has taken the bait with the “five minutes” joke. I take this to mean Ruth took pleasure in tweaking Chloe. Better than pudding, perhaps.
I’m taking this as meaning that, in five minutes, Ruth will be out of time to decide what she’s going to say at the group session that sounds vaguely coherent without inviting more discussion and attention. She’s really doesn’t have any ideas to that end.
Chloe is a good friend to Ruth; of this I have no doubt. She’s not in a place where she can appreciate that right now.
A couple of days ago I posited that Chloe was there to tell Ruth that she had not been fired out-of-hand, but that she was being given a second chance subject to certain conditions, agreements, and other understandings. I still hope that this is the case, but Chloe’s dialogue today sound more like the classic “when one door closes another one opens” spiel that HR people will give you just before they close the door after they’ve thrown your ass out of it.
FWIW, Ruth is seriously ill. I don’t think it’s plausible that the college would let her stay in the RA position right now. However, I do think that she may be allowed back in some limited capacity (maybe roving troubleshooter) on the condition that she is responding to and maintaining a regimen of medication and therapy.
I know the US is shit about temporary disability protection compared to Canada so this likely does not apply, but: In Canada, they legally would not be allowed to fire her once she revealed (albeit unintentionally) that she was trying to get fired as a result of her depression. They can put her on an involuntary medical leave of absence (which admittedly a lot of places make it next-to-impossible to come back from, as they have all sorts of expensive and difficult hoops you have to jump through) but that’s about as far as it goes. If Ruth has EI (basically – all full time and some part time jobs) or if she has good medical insurance (a requirement for attending uni at most unis up here – and they offer very affordable group plans – I’m talking a $150ish for the year) she might be able to get on a temporary disability coverage – which would cover for 6mo to 2 years, depending on the plan and how long she’s had her job. Doesn’t give a lot – but might give her enough she doesn’t have to return home to Asshole Grandfather.
Not sure how much of that – if any – is commonly available in US.
Depends on the state, or in this cases school, but I highly doubt Indiana is one of those states as it is a right-to-work(pay is optional) state. also I doubt U of Indiana requires health insurance.
If it’s anything like my own inpatient experience, this is probably one of several kinds of therapy scheduled for Ruth today. Though the more I think about it, the more I realise I never actually got much one-on-one therapy during my stay.
I’ve been close to where Ruth is. Thankfully not suicidal, but I did end up sleeping a whole lot. It got to a point where it affected my grades in technical college to a point where I had to redo my exam, and it sucked (and even then I barely passed) =/ It took a lifestyle course afterward (and weird as it may sound, an animated movie) to get me out of that funk. I hope something, along with Billie, will come along and help Ruth out.
Give Chloe credit for actually giving decent advice, although Ruth isn’t really up to hearing it yet. On the other hand, she could wait until she’s safely on the other side of the door to shout “BTW, I was kidding, you ARE fired” and let the body count in group therapy begin.
Though I think having her move into that same floor, as a student, would help her the most. Out of the current situations.
assuming home is completely out.
Alternative would be her and becky getting a place. Awkward but brand new wsituation forcing different viewpoint.
I have some sympathy for Chloe. You want to say something that will help. It’s your job to help. But you have a suspicion that what you say will just be salt on their wounds.
What do you say to a depressed and PTSD son? I don’t really know, but you can’t not talk to them. What do you say to someone who has lost a mother/sister/child? Someone with a cancer diagnosis? Not saying something feels like you have abandoned them, like you don’t care, like you are walking away from them.
So you say something stupid and unhelpful, hoping they recognize it as an attempt and a sign that you care.
That’s where being a part of support groups as an ally (or even being in a group specifically FOR parents/friends/spouses etc of someone going through trouble – they DO exist!) can be a ton of help. Chloe, as a RA advisor/manager, really should at least be networked with the campus support groups, if not a member of them. They have detailed advice specifically for dealing with these situations.
I have a minimal amount of sympathy, because I get that she is trying to be “supportive” and “positive,” (which are buzzwords campus admin offices love to throw around) but she’s failing almost more spectacularly than Ruth at being a person of authority. Now we know why Ruth has next to no training and why her “support meeting” regarding Toedad firing off his gun on campus went the way it did.
I found during giving palliative care for my father in his final days, confronting him with everyday stuff as well as a few challenges kept both our spirits fairly up, to the point that the palliative care team regarded us as their special topic when exchanging their daily experiences.
Any overbearing displays of sympathy would have damaged both him and myself. Matter-of-fact arrangements, discussing his diet, and even teasing him slightly about stuff not affected by his cancer helped both of us going on.
*ruth goes into group therapy, starts talking about her feelings, the walkyverse becomes our universe, the WORLD ENDS* not with a bang but with a “blip” noise.
This is probably the worst thing to say to a suicidal person, sorry, Ruth. :p Personally, whenever someone says something like that my brain just starts screaming, and a second, quieter, voice is just like, “they want me to do this for another ten or twenty years? what the fuck?”
We’ve got five minutes, stuck on my eyes
We’ve got five minutes, what a surprise
We’ve got five minutes, my brain hurts a lot
We’ve got five minutes, that’s all we’ve got
I think it’s because it’s such an abrupt change in color; it doesn’t feather or blend from one shade to the other.
Although who am I to say? With what passes for fashion and style these days, this might have been the look she was going for all along.
Since the recent strips have been heavy in nature, I thought we might have fun coming up with other musical instruments (like bongo) to replace a few curse word insults and then using them for a few days instead. Think of it like Willis putting up a new porn after the toe dad thing: confusing to emotions and new readers. What do yall think? We can do stuff like say banjo instead of bastard and bassoon instead of ass/arse. I would said have said French Horn for Damn You Willis, but I would never want to tie him up 😉
In Peter and the Wolf, the wolf was the French Horn, brought drama, killed a character, and then was captured by Peter with a rope and tied up. I figured I better say it now as I realize nobody got the nod to it and I must sound like a loon XD
Actually, I thought the blonde part was her natural color. If those are dark roots, that retouch is waaaaaaaaay overdue. Then again, my wife would tell you that I don’t know doodly-squat about women’s hair.
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time is waiting
we only got
fourfive minutes to save the worldI don’t think Ruth wants to grab a boy though…
If sexuality is constant in all of the multiverse, she’d be open to it.
They say grab your girl too…
Why wouldn’t she?
Because she only wants to grab Billie.
She has so much to grab
In ten minutes, she will be grabbing femurs.
She might as well if the universe is ending. Can’t be an RA in a dorm that’s been obliterated.
TBF, Billie is a delight.
Billie runs in:
“RUTH! Ruth, I love you! But we only have 5 minutes until your therapy session!”
Ruth pulls Billie into a closet:
“All the time I need.” *smooching commences*
Is only needing five minutes good or bad? I can never tell.
It depends on how quickly you can tunnel into an adjacent reality.
It depends on what the need is. If it’s to get what you want then it’s bad. If it’s to give pleasure to others then it’s alright, but still not long. If it’s to induce a state a mutual ecstasy that feels like an eternity, then you might be made of cheesecake.
Mmm, cheesecake.
Depends on the exact circumstance and if ‘need’ refers to ‘this is the shortest quantity of time possible I can do it in’ or not. Like, if you both only want a quickie because of time restraints, it can be good, but if you are trying to have a night of loving and you can’t last past that point, then it can be bad as your needs and wants wouldn’t be aligning with your partner’s.
So many levels. So confusing, and yet I still miss it.
Ruth! AAAH!
We saved every one of us!
Go for it! What has the universe done for us lately anyway?
Not give us delicious snacks, that’s what!
Well, aside from that pudding cup.
And it gave us the U.S. presidential race!
Well, geeze. Ruth is one thing, but NOW I want to cry.
Stuff like that makes me envy their comic book time. For us the election a multi-year exercise in human despair, for the Dumbing of Age kids, it’s a couple of months in the background of their unending freshman life.
OTOH, this is the second Presidential election in their freshman year and they’ll probably get to have several more.
This particular US election feels like it’s gone on for about 10 years in /our/ time. And I’m not even American.
“I DEMAND COOKIES!”
As well as satisfaction and retribution!
Aquaducts, sanitation, roads (the roads go without saying), irrigation, medicine, education, health, wine, public baths, and its safe to walk the streets at night.
And peace! (SHUT UP!)
and then space-time was hit by a truck
Oh shit – your joke is way better than mine! **bows head in inferior joke shame**
NOT ENOUGH INTEGRITY
No slouch in the spite department, though.
Not that you can really have enough spite.
I’m sure someone would take that as a challenge. Mary, perhaps?
Too many regrets.
*plays Tavares’ “It Only Takes A Minute” on the hacked Muzak*
Well now we know the doomsday device under her bed in panel 3 a couple days ago wasn’t just a one off joke.
Countdown set to six minutes to give the hero false hope.
“I’ve set the timers for six minutes, the same six minutes you gave me. It was the least I could do for a friend.”
“What does he mean?”
“We’ve got three minutes.”
“No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to die.”
“and be a very cheap funeral.”
That’s over fifty years old and it’s still the best one-liner to come out of any Bond movie yet.
Do you really expect me to coordinate substitution in my head while strapped to a centrifuge?
Thank you for that!
You’re welcome.
Well, their god does use Ruth as his avatar…
it feels weird writing stories knowing you can at a whim change so much. Although once a character i was writing yelled at me in my head because apparently he though “there is no way i would do that.”
Pretty common experience for many writers, when they’ve tried to force ’em to do something not true to their nature… Once had two gang up on me in open revolt.
I have it happen with tabletop RPG characters all the time. And those work out being the best characters.
see, group session is all you need to figure it all out
The world is doomed.
Nah, the world will be just fine.
Us?
No so much.
no the world really is doomed. if someone figures it all out in group, the universe will be destroyed and replaced
Rocks fall, everyone dies?
The only response to me not winning.
Also why I tend to hoard nukes when I play Civilization
You are playing as Ghandi when you tend yo nuke others, right? He’s got quite the reputation for that.
To put it mildly.
Nukes? I thought just machine guns.
I always rename my leader to “Shitlord” and my capital city to “Boneropolis”, because I am a classy gentleman.
Boneropolis, or, in-canon, Bone City!
That is a game I have not played nearly enough of
Your comment is funny too.
I really got worried about Ruth when I read the third and fourth panel. I really hope she sees her life is worth living.
It may be a while.
maybe start with “to much of a hassle to end her life” and work her way up from there.
I have said similar things to younger friends of mine. Yet sometimes they still act like they are 100 and the world is about to end.
Good to see Ruth possibly joking.
“Gol’darnit, get off mah lawn, Binky! Death ain’t comin’fer my ol’ bones until I’m good’n ready! An’ when’ee do, Imma kick ‘im right in his anthropomorphin’ personifiwhatsits! Kekeke! Go back’n tell ‘im I’ll only believe it’s endin’ when the other three horsemajiggers get here!”
-the first thing that comes to my mind for: “…act like they are 100 and the world is about to end.”
That is amazing and I must request permission to paraphrase it.
That is amazing and knowing why Lipke wants it makes it all the better.
It’s a quote from a Terry Pratchett book, though I can’t find which one at the moment…
I think it’s probably Reaper Man.
Umm, no. It’s literally just a bunch of somewhat cliche lines that I threw Pratchett references into. Don’t inflate my ego,(If it gets much bigger I’ll need a Maxwell Lord avatar.) I don’t write as well as Pratchett did.
Very few people wrote as well as Pratchett did.
Go for it.
Hurrah!
As someone who’s looked at the issue from both sides of the aisle (depressed young college student and reasonably-stable adult), it’s a tough problem. When you’re that down, and when you don’t have any life experience as a *happy* adult, it’s almost impossible to visualize things getting better. And yet what can we, as older and theoretically-wiser people, offer besides a listening ear and the idea of a better future?
You look at how shitty things have been up to this point and tell yourself that no matter what might happen, it’s got to be better than this.
well her five minutes bit was purely logical. if there is a choice to be made within minutes you only have said minutes to make the choice of what you want to do next with your life.
Best way to deal with depressed people actually isn’t to tell them that they *will* feel better eventually, because they have a very hard time *believing* that. It reminds them of a potential for things *not* getting better for a *very* long time.
Instead, acknowledge their feelings. Something like: “I’m sorry that things suck right now. I hope they get better, but in the meanwhile I’m here for you” will work much better. Don’t be pushy. Don’t try to make things better *right now*. Just offer your ear, and ask how you can help.
Most people *really* don’t understand depression well enough to jump right in and try to offer a solution.
Yes this.
I was completely unable to believe that there would be a “better” until I was better. Which probably doesn’t make sense but what I mean is this: Optimism about the future was the last thing to come back to me in recovery. To give an idea: I started on the slow downward slide around 12ish, I think (given that I now know I’m trans it’s not a surprise that was about when I started to show the first signs of puberty – which I hit late, thankfully). I hit the worst of it at 16 (again, in retrospect – not really a surprise that this was one my secondary sex characteristics were making it close to impossible to be seen as who I am unless it was winter). Turned the corner around 17. Graduated therapy around 18. Wasn’t able to feel genuine optimism about the future until mid-20s. Before that, I didn’t really have ambition, I was just going through the motions of what others told me I should do because I wasn’t able to tune into what I wanted – and even when I was, I wasn’t able to feel like what I wanted would feasibly work.
I don’t think people who haven’t been depressed in the way I was (depression shows up differently for different people. Mine was like Ruth’s – pessimistic, nihilistic and above all angry) understand that when you’re in that place, it’s not even that you won’t believe it gets better – it’s that you can’t. That’s part of the illness. You can’t think it gets better – you can’t feel even a ghost of a shred of optimism because your brain won’t let you. That’s how you’re sick.
So how do you react when someone oh-so-cheerfully asserts something you “know” in your soul is wrong? Depends on your type of personality and experiences – but I assumed people were lying because they wanted to trick me into staying around so they could make me suffer more because they were sadistic assholes who enjoyed watching me suffer. Was it rational? No. But with my experiences with life to that point (abusive family and bullied for my entire school career – every day in school, all through school, I was literally surrounded by people who made a game of making me hurt. You know how some schools have that kid that’s such a pariah nobody will associate with them because if you’re seen being nice to them, you get bullied for it too, who literally everyone from the teachers down shits on – only mostly metaphorically? That kid was me. Some of the shit I went through in school, I have yet to find a single person who will believe me about it because people don’t want to believe that authority figures can get away with that shit, but they can and they do – so consider that at the time, my perspective was informed by 11 years of systematic abuse) combined with my mental illness, that’s how my brain reacted to all but one or two people when they gave that line – and the remaining one or two just instilled terror because it was like a “you mean well but you’re wrong and now I’m thinking about the next several decades being like this and holy shit I can’t take it.”
Stuff that did help – there was one person who just kept talking about how they cared for me and wanted me to be around – they talked about the ways I helped them, and what in their mind made me a worthwhile person. They suspected (rightly) that I was planning to hurt myself soon. And eventually (several hours on), they talked me into trying therapy and putting it off for a month. That person saved my life. I don’t think I would’ve survived what I had planned that night. So
I went through a pretty different experience with depression. I started down that path about 12 like you, it didn’t really sink in until about 14 that it was a problem. I hated school, I hated the world, I hated myself, for not being normal, not being able to fit in. Where we really differ though, is that I knew my family cared about me, and it made me hate myself even more for being depressed and not being able to accept and reciprocate those feelings. The one thing that got me through the worst of it, what kept me alive, was that I couldn’t stomach the thought of what it would do to them.
Luckily, this story has a happy ending. I got older, I got out of school and away from the things in life that I hated, I got over myself, and I got better. I had the epiphany that I really could change my life, once I was an adult, that I could still have things I enjoy in life despite my shortcomings. I realized that all the things I thought were so important, the things that were ruining my life, didn’t actually matter at all. I made some friends, had a good time in college, did some things I’d always wanted to do and accomplished some things I’m quite proud of. It didn’t solve everything, but I certainly don’t consider myself depressed anymore at all.
So, while it might not have helped you, I feel like it would have helped me to have someone tell me that it really does get better. That all the BS dragging me down didn’t matter. That it was okay to not fit in, that I’d find my place eventually. I get it, I’m not normal, and maybe that doesn’t help most people, but I don’t think it’s completely useless.
“Look, guy, I don’t know what it’s like in I-Still-Have-Meaning-In-My-Life Land, but every direction looks like bullshit right now.” -Hyperbole and a Half.
Hyperbole and a half’s posts on depression are excellent. Especially “My fish are dead.”
Ugh, when I was most depressed, I did not find this comforting. Life felt like a prison sentence and I was jealous of old people because they would get to leave the world much sooner. (Hard to believe that was only two years ago, it is so different now.)
Yea, when you already wish you were dead, being reminded of how much longer you have to put up with the whole being alive thing is not the least bit helpful.
This comment needs to be shown to every person who starts talking about the time a person has left. I say they put it on a handout of stuff people need to know that everyone must read before being allowed to see someone in a psychiatric hospital.
The most successful therapeutic approaches to depression have been to walk the patient through unraveling the irrational thought processes at the heart of their depression — getting them to be realistic about themselves.
“You are just twenty, your brain literally hasn’t stopped developing yet” is an important facet of that.
But telling someone you’re young and have so much to live for does about as good as telling someone who just lost a loved one “they’re in a better place”. It’s a generic response that others say during a negative situation that is less unraveling thoughts and more white noise. It’s not Chloe’s fault or anyone else’s as people feel at a loss on what to do and say and don’t have formal training for it. The best people can do is just be there and supportive and when in doubt, talk to a professional to figure out what to say and how to say it.
and the people saying things like “there is so much that you wont get to see or do if you die now”
things aren’t always good. I mean sure it could be good like “that cheesecake was amazing” or a thing could be “Well I got gored by a wild boar while camping.”
I’m honestly still working on forgiving my aunt for, at my grandmother’s funeral fifteen years ago, telling me “you were so special to her.”
Thanks, Aunt Beth. She was special to me too. And now she’s dead. 😐
It’s not about “life will get better”. It’s about “your brain is literally undeveloped, now is not a rational time to make life-altering decisions”.
It’s a generic response because it’s *true*. The whole reason depression is so insidious is that it programs you to deny these obvious truths, *not* because it’s revealing some “hidden truth”.
If 20-year-olds are incapable of rationally making life-altering decisions, we apparently need to raise the voting, military service, and sexual consent ages in the United States.
Exactly. Despite what she thinks, Ruth has earned her scholastic achievements so far. She does deserve to be happy. The only things she’s really done wrong are drink and have a relationship with one of the students on her floor. Even if she does get fired as an RA, does that prevent her from getting another on-campus job? It certainly doesn’t stop her from applying off-campus.
A lot of this mindset is probably thanks to her verbally abusive grandfather. Getting out from under that dark cloud would be a great help.
(By that I mean she needs to be freed from the threat of having to go back to him.)
According to some online IU documentation, even if she does get fired she has her job for the rest of the semester. If continuing her duties is a “significant threat”, then she’s suspended for 2 weeks with pay and can still file an appeal.
IMAO, she needs to know Ol’Grand Dad isn’t taking it all out on her Brother. I think she’s in the place she is right now, because she’s at an impasse about how to get him to a safe place as well, when she is foundering and it is all too much, too overwhelming to carry.
So well into the 2020s, then?
Exactly this. All you see for that future is a vast plain of meaningless, miserable nothingness that will never, ever, EVER change and you have to keep slogging along because, well… just because. You hear about young people dying in tragic accidents and you envy them, or wonder why someone so much worthier than you was killed instead.
Yeah… time doesn’t look so good from Ruth’s perspective right about now.
“Never ever” are two words that should get your attention when they pop up in talking to an adult person. These words -when not used as hyperbole – tell you that the talker is not in a good mental space right now.
Which reminds me that one of the 12-step texts I came across said that desperation was born from putting together the two endlessnesses of past and future, the doubt, pain and self-loathing about the past with the fear and doubt about the future. So you were asked to concentrate on today, this hour, this minute. Worked for me at that time.
Sure, but her perspective is objectively wrong. It’s a well-known fallacy, to assume that what you’re feeling now is how things will go forever, and successful therapy focuses on getting patients to recognize that.
Avoiding walking them through that, and instead validating their self-hatred and despair, is *not* known to be a successful method.
Me neither. They were saying, “You’re young, you have your whole life ahead of you!” and probably meaning that I had like 70ish years to turn shit around, but what I was thinking was, “Fuck I can’t take this for another 70 years.”
Weirdly, when I was at the worst of it – being reminded of how young I was made me more actively suicidal because of the terror of the prospect of feeling like I felt for 7+ more decades.
Well, she’s gone from “I wish I dead” to “I wish everyone else was dead!” She’s made progress already!
[/not at all forced optimism why would you even say that]
Why not both?
She probably has plans to be in some other universe when she destroys this one! Don’t be silly!
:I
I doubt it. Remove the ‘else’ and you’ve got it, though.
On the plus(?) side, it shows initiative, I guess.
her eyes kind of started to look normal again (i.e. not blank and deadened as they have been for a While) in the last two panels
Are you sure? They’ve gone black again – like they were at the start of the strip, before Billie saw her as a real person. This is not good.
Having spent more than my fair share of time in group therapy sessions, I feel you, Ruth.
You can end the universe, so long as you clean up afterwards.
You can’t destroy the universe. It’s where I keep all my stuff.
Well then, you should have found another universe to keep stuff in, don’t you think?
Ah the joys of group therapy in a psy hospital. Where you can get anything from a suicidal teen to a homicidal inmate with a broken leg to someone in the middle of a manic episode to a homeless person who has been off their meds to junkies coming off just about everything. And me. Yup. That was the group in one of my group therapy sessions.
They all musta been terrified.
The teen was quiet, the other teen in for anxiety hit on me, the female inmate threw something at my head and tried to punch the nurse, the manic man screamed the same several phrases over and over that made no sense to any of us, the homeless person was confused, the junky screamed saying her period was so bad that she needed pain meds right now, and the depressed man asked for somebody to marry him so he wouldn’t be deported to Russia and that he didn’t care who but would prefer a Christian woman.
* forgot two of them in my OP
Huh, think I messed up my joke there.
The inmate sounded like the only ‘real’ threat, at least. You survived it though, so good?
I got the joke silly. 😉
And no. Nobody was terrified of me. I was the hyper perky sweetheart (their words. I guess Joyce without the Christian stuff?) who nobody believed was depressed and wanting to kill herself. No surprise the inmate threw something at my head huh? 😉
Sounds more like Becky without the religious stuff.
Sounds like a good match for me too except replace lesbian christian with polysexual atheist 😉
Oh, good. And that’s an unfortunate byproduct of wearing a mask, sometimes people think it’s real. And I agree with SB, too. It’s good that you (and Becky) have support that you need and want.
I dont think I ever actually talked in any of my sessions. I did the activities but never talked up.
I wonder if Blaine and Ross will be in Ruth’s group? That might be… ‘fun‘!
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it does.
At least it’s not magazine collages (if they let you have safety scissors) or coloring. So many therapeutic second-grade arts and crafts!
Yeah, I’ve experienced how the mental health profession has this “Shurely all nutters get along!” attitude. In sensible-land, you maybe wouldn’t even want to put someone with anxiety disorder and someone with borderline personality disorder in the same group. Let alone the psychopath and the autistic kid. And while I’m not usually the most scary of people, my unintentionally strange body language has been known to freak schizophrenic people out.
Wait a sec…Ruth wasn’t getting help for her depression, Mary broke up Billie and Ruth, this put Ruth into a much deeper depression but also made it more notable…did Mary save Ruth’s life completely by accident?
noticeable*
She had accelerated the timetable on it. If Billie ahdn’t asked Carla to check in on Ruth, and Carla doing so, then Ruth might not be talking to Chloe right now…
No Carla picking up Billie in a full body carry and charging down the hall way screaming ‘you are going to fuck your gf right now so she doesn’t kill herself’ is what likely saved Ruth’s life.
Nah, I think she just made it a faster and rougher trip to get here. If Mary hadn’t interfered, Billie and Ruth’s situation wouldn’t have deteriorated as quickly, one of Billie’s friends would have sooner or later noticed something was up, and they probably would have ended up where they’re at anyway, but possibly without the threat of losing her job hanging over Ruth’s head.
Quick question. Does anybody know if she’s in a real hospital and if so which one? I’m curious to know if she was put in one with a religious affiliation.
Its the IU Health Center attached to campus, I believe.
Pretty sure this is the one they took Toedad took Toedad to after the accident:
http://iuhealth.org/bloomington/
Stupid proofreading that only works after I click “Post Comment”.
Thanks! So she got a caring staff AND it’s not affiliated with a religion? That is so great! The religious ones are kinda like brainwashing centers here.
Things have all been on point so far, and nobody has mentioned God a zillion times, and the school sent her there, and dealing with overzealous religion is already the Joyce arc, so I imagine it’s a secular one? I hope so.
I think it’s been stated/theorized to be the campus one, so secular?
I hate when that happens… especially given how often I’d pick up vocabulary exclusively through context as a really young kid.
Ruth is slowly remembering she’s actually a time displaced Dark Phoenix. Not sure where the freckles came from though.
Part of the problem with the displacement?
Nah, she’s a Terminator who has lost her purpose ever since she prevented the birth of Joshua Siegal.
Who’s Joshua Siegel?
Joyce and Ethan’s son who will never exist because Ruth-bot manipulated time to prevent his birth. So he won’t help fight Skynet after the Robot War begins.
(She had to do it subtly. Just killing peoples’ parents before they are conceived never works, the timeline always throws back some damn hero to stop you.)
Except in this timeline, it will be becky and dina’s daughter
Yup. The timeline doesn’t like to change, so it just keeps pushing back.
Of course, that means the Resistance has Triceratops cavalry this go-round.
Well Ruth if going to end the universe at least I’ll go out laughing.
Ruth is back to her original eyes! This is… maybe a good sign?
The will to destroy sustains her. It’ll do for now.
Her eyes got upgraded when Billie got to know her and not just the mean, self-hating exterior everyone else knows. And they got downgraded again when they had to break up because of the blackmail, and Carla found her catatonic.
Soo… probably not good
Plus there was that time when they went green…
That’s what Fart Captor is talking about when she mentions the “upgraded” eyes. I had the same thoughts as FC as to the interpretation.
It’s like she’s putting up her walls so that no one can see the pain underneath. They shrunk when Billie was taken away but now the green is gone. This worries me more than her words in this strip.
Oh, hell. I didn’t even notice they slowly shift so that by the last panel, they look just like they originally did. I’d just chalked it up to her putting her glasses on at first.
Considering that her eyes looked like that before she and Billie hooked up, when almost of the reasons she shouldn’t be an RA occurred, I’m really worried too.
Both of her and Billie seem to be going back to some bad places and some bad habits.
Agreed. Also, props to Willis for adding so many tiny details in his strips even though most people won’t notice their first read through (unless they heavily read the comments). It made my second read through of the archive so much more enjoyable than with other strips.
And so they say, that her pupils grew three sizes that day!
Depending on how things go this November, I might be tempted to take her up on that.
You know, just to get it out of way.
the universe? BUT THATS WHERE I KEEP MY STUFF!
BUT I LIVE HERE!
My spoons!
MY TOWEL!
Group therapy really can be miserable
Gods, I was glad when I was done with those. Though if it worked for you great. I just hated it, what with the people being there and all.
I liked it, it let me focus on other people’s problems and feel like a good listener and helper, instead of focusing so hard on myself, I liked creating the safe space and being good at something for once. However, your mileage may vary, for sure.
I never interacted with mine. I just felt out of place and never talked. at least for the inpatient one. I talked at a couple of the outpatient ones…… something about not being able to leave vs going home after made a difference.
I’m with you, Chloe. I’m freaking out too.
I know, I don’t think Ruth has enough time. Maybe for just the tri-sate area, that could be enough for now.
Tri-sate? The Three Satiations? Pudding takes care of one, we’d need Billie for the second, but what is the third?
This was a spelling words wrong, but those words still being words, kind of day, apparently. And in case you don’t know what I was trying to say, it was “state”.
Not good whatever it is she is talking about.
I’ve read that when people suicide they often think they are taking the world out with them? Hard to conceive of the world going on with ‘you’ in it.
Not sure how true that is, but still, what ever this is, I don’t think it bodes well.
Some philosophers and pseudo-philosophers believe that as well.
While i still think pudding had a few common phrases she didn’t use the one I hated so much when people tried to help or something.
“it will get better”
that phrase always got me……. not sure how to explain it but it seems like they are saying it is a certainty even though it cant be one.
How about how god never gives you more than you can handle? I always wanted to say except all those dead people right?
I can’t think of any bible anything that says anything like that. just people wanting to feel better.
I get that. I’ve never found lies and unfounded optimism to be very comforting.
I usually lean towards “You can get through this”, or “It will suck less eventually”, or — when encouragement doesn’t seem appropriate — simply, “Shit.”
the can i can deal with but when the word will is used its like a way of saying if it doesn’t get better than its even more faults of my own.
I see it as more “If it’s not better yet, than better has yet to come.” which is a weird sort of, I don’t know… tautology. Though all that says nothing for whether or not the statement itself actually helps any.
Yeah, I generally avoid definitive statements unless the person I’m talking to is only feeling slightly crappy. Even then I angle more towards realistic things that I can actually have some knowledge about or at least help with. If I can’t know and I can’t help make it happen, it just feels disingenuous.
Stuff like “Everything will be okay” I won’t even tell children, though. It’s entirely possible to be positive and optimistic without lying to them like that.
I have lots of experience struggling to find the right thing to say and very very little experience actually knowing the right thing to say… yeah, I’ve definitely acknowledged (to myself) just how useless (and sometimes even harmful) that kind of “It gets better” stuff can be. I still struggle a lot when I find myself in that position, though, and I wish that weren’t the case.
(It happens quite a bit, to be honest.)Something along the lines of “well, crap. That’s awful.” seems to be my safest default fall back…
I personally think something like “If you stop trying it can’t get better” works. I mean shy of a fluke lottery win or something its pretty much true.
Although lately I think just being acknowledged can help.
Well put FC.
The unintended consequence to “It will get better” is for those of us who don’t get better (like me still grieving bad a year after my mamaw died) and some of the folks who told us that tell us to get over it and move on already.
Those, and these absolutely insulting “spirit-building” messages like the one I found yesterday:
“You aren’t a failure.
You aren’t a burden.
You aren’t worthless.
You aren’t useless.
You aren’t alone.”
Wow, that helped. That really adressed my situation. And with lots of personal warmth. Not.
It usually *does* address the situation, if the patient is willing to listen. A common fallacy in depressive individuals is believing their self-hatred is unique, and totally justified, even if you can get them to admit that other people are being irrational by hating themselves.
Give the ideas a chance, rather than rejecting them outright. They’re not being insensitive, they’re trying to show you the truth.
The thing is, being depressed a makes it very unlikely that they’ll be willing to listen, much less actually believe that.
If you want to convince someone of those things (and that you aren’t just feeding them meaningless platitudes like an ass) you should start with telling them why you believe those things, specifically, regarding the person you’re talking to.
Feeding someone platitudes is like buying a greeting card that says ”I’m sorry for your loss” and just signing your name. You’re impersonally handing them someone else’s rather generic words in a way that says ”Here, this should fulfill my social obligation to show sympathy to you for the moment”.
Its not monstrous; lots of people aren’t good with words our with handling these types of situations, but it definitely isn’t helpful.
I receive this BS randomly, shared just like a chain letter, only on social media.
While I am far from being in my best shape, I cannot stand this impersonal “inspirational” bla whether I am down or not. It only serves to make me annoyed (when I generally feel good) or angry (most of the time).
Basically, I’d skip the negations and apply the content on the “advice”…
So what you’re saying is that depression is a self-inflicted illness that is perfectly cured with a combination of chicken soup claptrap and “opening your mind”. And that therefore anyone who is depressed is just a closed-minded fool.
You can fuck right the hell off.
Agreed, but what else can be said? I suppose one thing that can keep someone going is to tell them if they die then the assholes win. Spite is a good motivator to keep on living.
For me when I was dealing with my Black Dog, “It gets better”/ “It will get better” / “it won’t always be like this” and variations on same always got me pissed the fuck off.
For a couple reasons: One, I had the same sort of nihilistic, angry, self-hating depression Ruth has. It won’t always be like this? Fuck you, I’m the fucking problem and as long as I’m here, it’ll damn well be like this. (turns out that wasn’t true, but that was what my brain responded with).
Two, I’d been fed that line for years on the bullying front. Next year, it’ll be better. When you get to middle school, it’ll be better. When you get to high school, etc. And it never was. And the people who fed me that line were always those who blamed me for being bullied, who told me I wouldn’t get bullied if I tried to fit in more, and who basically put it on me to not get victimized as opposed to my abusers to not be abusive little shits. And the folks who did that were also the folks who had the power to actually do something about the situation but never did. So I assumed (justifiably) that this was more of the same: Feed me a bullshit platitude so you don’t have to actually do anything about it. Fuck you. That one, I still think I’m justified on. “It’ll get better” is worthless fucking noise. You’re not fucking psychic, you don’t know, for one. For two, I’d damn well rather someone actually do something rather become a fountain of thought-terminating cliches like “It gets better!” and “Try harder!” and “Turn that frown upside down!”
Third is a piss off by association, mainly – the false optimism thought-terminating cliches were usually a launch point IME to guilt trips over having a mental illness. How could you do this to your family? Don’t you ever think about what it does to us? How it makes us look? And so on. So I hear those sorts of lines and immediately I’m tensing and waiting for the emotional blackmail. Which isn’t often coming anymore – but it’s an association I have.
On the last bit, the underlying premise looks like “I love you and therefore I have property rights in you that are more important than your unbearable pain.”
Not wanting to hurt people as a reason not to can work if it comes from inside you, but trying to invoke it from the outside…
6 of that, half a dozen of you won’t be my prize show pony if you’re publicly sick with something stigmatized
To show off how selfless and compassionate they are?
It is very very strange to me to think that Ruth is actually younger than I am…
I know, right? I feel the same way.
I’m just glad I’m not yet old enough for any of the characters to be my kid.
Well, except Riley
Nothing gives people the willies like suicide humor.
why did the chicken cross the road?
It was hoping the cars wouldn’t stop.
If social media is anything to go by, that applies to most college students too.
I dream of a day when avians can cross thoroughfares without people constantly questioning their motives.
Someone’s probably working on the Pilot for that show. I’m figuring it’ll be done on Amazon.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the rooster goosed ‘er.
I feel like I’m watching present-day Willis talk to young Willis who darkened up the Walky-verse with the death of Ruth.
(I tend to read way too much into things.)
(Chloe’s hair is custard and her scarf is toffee. She’s obviously from Wreck It Ralph’s Sugar Rush game.)
So Ruth just has pixlexia?
So then who’s gone Turbo, Amber?
Ruth’s eyes are drawn shinier once Chloe has taken the bait with the “five minutes” joke. I take this to mean Ruth took pleasure in tweaking Chloe. Better than pudding, perhaps.
I’m taking this as meaning that, in five minutes, Ruth will be out of time to decide what she’s going to say at the group session that sounds vaguely coherent without inviting more discussion and attention. She’s really doesn’t have any ideas to that end.
Chloe is a good friend to Ruth; of this I have no doubt. She’s not in a place where she can appreciate that right now.
I think “pass” will work to start, because, really, just going to a group therapy session is a solid first step, even if forced.
So Ruth is Davros now?
He needs a nice cup of tea and a biscuit.
And now I’m picturing DW villains in group therapy.
“Just because you’re a bad guy doesn’t mean you’re a bad guy. Except Ryan, that guy full tilt evil.”
Nah, Bartleby from Dogma “… and then this failed experiment called “existence” will cease to be.”
Aww I like Chloe. She’s not at all equipped for this conversation but she’s sure trying.
I suppose Ruth agrees wholeheartedly about Chloe being a trial.
But who are we to judge? Well, aside from the obvious…
She’s about to grab the world by its femurs.
Also WOW Chloe has no idea how depression works.
Never taught about the spoons and the potatoes.
A couple of days ago I posited that Chloe was there to tell Ruth that she had not been fired out-of-hand, but that she was being given a second chance subject to certain conditions, agreements, and other understandings. I still hope that this is the case, but Chloe’s dialogue today sound more like the classic “when one door closes another one opens” spiel that HR people will give you just before they close the door after they’ve thrown your ass out of it.
FWIW, Ruth is seriously ill. I don’t think it’s plausible that the college would let her stay in the RA position right now. However, I do think that she may be allowed back in some limited capacity (maybe roving troubleshooter) on the condition that she is responding to and maintaining a regimen of medication and therapy.
I know the US is shit about temporary disability protection compared to Canada so this likely does not apply, but: In Canada, they legally would not be allowed to fire her once she revealed (albeit unintentionally) that she was trying to get fired as a result of her depression. They can put her on an involuntary medical leave of absence (which admittedly a lot of places make it next-to-impossible to come back from, as they have all sorts of expensive and difficult hoops you have to jump through) but that’s about as far as it goes. If Ruth has EI (basically – all full time and some part time jobs) or if she has good medical insurance (a requirement for attending uni at most unis up here – and they offer very affordable group plans – I’m talking a $150ish for the year) she might be able to get on a temporary disability coverage – which would cover for 6mo to 2 years, depending on the plan and how long she’s had her job. Doesn’t give a lot – but might give her enough she doesn’t have to return home to Asshole Grandfather.
Not sure how much of that – if any – is commonly available in US.
Depends on the state, or in this cases school, but I highly doubt Indiana is one of those states as it is a right-to-work(pay is optional) state. also I doubt U of Indiana requires health insurance.
She explicitly said yesterday that a decision hadn’t been made yet and that it wasn’t up to her.
She may have an idea what’s likely, but she apparently doesn’t actually know.
You’re no Haruhi, tho.
So a kiss from Billie won’t be enough to fix it. 8-({
Universes are surprisingly difficult to end, especially in only a few minutes.
I’m kinda surprised they’d jump right into group therapy. Seems like individual counselling would be the first step in this situation.
If it’s anything like my own inpatient experience, this is probably one of several kinds of therapy scheduled for Ruth today. Though the more I think about it, the more I realise I never actually got much one-on-one therapy during my stay.
She’s going to summon the soggies isn’t she
I’ve been close to where Ruth is. Thankfully not suicidal, but I did end up sleeping a whole lot. It got to a point where it affected my grades in technical college to a point where I had to redo my exam, and it sucked (and even then I barely passed) =/ It took a lifestyle course afterward (and weird as it may sound, an animated movie) to get me out of that funk. I hope something, along with Billie, will come along and help Ruth out.
Group therapy? Ooooh, returning and/or new characters incoming!
Long dead Semme squad?
Give Chloe credit for actually giving decent advice, although Ruth isn’t really up to hearing it yet. On the other hand, she could wait until she’s safely on the other side of the door to shout “BTW, I was kidding, you ARE fired” and let the body count in group therapy begin.
Though I think having her move into that same floor, as a student, would help her the most. Out of the current situations.
assuming home is completely out.
Alternative would be her and becky getting a place. Awkward but brand new wsituation forcing different viewpoint.
Don’t worry Ruth. It’s the end of the world as you know it but you’ll feel fine!
I have some sympathy for Chloe. You want to say something that will help. It’s your job to help. But you have a suspicion that what you say will just be salt on their wounds.
What do you say to a depressed and PTSD son? I don’t really know, but you can’t not talk to them. What do you say to someone who has lost a mother/sister/child? Someone with a cancer diagnosis? Not saying something feels like you have abandoned them, like you don’t care, like you are walking away from them.
So you say something stupid and unhelpful, hoping they recognize it as an attempt and a sign that you care.
That’s where being a part of support groups as an ally (or even being in a group specifically FOR parents/friends/spouses etc of someone going through trouble – they DO exist!) can be a ton of help. Chloe, as a RA advisor/manager, really should at least be networked with the campus support groups, if not a member of them. They have detailed advice specifically for dealing with these situations.
I have a minimal amount of sympathy, because I get that she is trying to be “supportive” and “positive,” (which are buzzwords campus admin offices love to throw around) but she’s failing almost more spectacularly than Ruth at being a person of authority. Now we know why Ruth has next to no training and why her “support meeting” regarding Toedad firing off his gun on campus went the way it did.
I found during giving palliative care for my father in his final days, confronting him with everyday stuff as well as a few challenges kept both our spirits fairly up, to the point that the palliative care team regarded us as their special topic when exchanging their daily experiences.
Any overbearing displays of sympathy would have damaged both him and myself. Matter-of-fact arrangements, discussing his diet, and even teasing him slightly about stuff not affected by his cancer helped both of us going on.
*ruth goes into group therapy, starts talking about her feelings, the walkyverse becomes our universe, the WORLD ENDS* not with a bang but with a “blip” noise.
“The universe would be destroyed! And as an environmentalist, I’m against that.” – Al Gore’s Head
I can’t be trusted with HTML, can I?
https://theinfosphere.org/Al_Gore's_head#Quotes
“You want me to talk.
ABOUT MY FEELINGS???”
*finger hovers over History Eraser Button*
This is probably the worst thing to say to a suicidal person, sorry, Ruth. :p Personally, whenever someone says something like that my brain just starts screaming, and a second, quieter, voice is just like, “they want me to do this for another ten or twenty years? what the fuck?”
Based on therapeutic success rates, it’s actually one of the more successful methods.
You keep making essentially the same comment in this thread. Are you a trained therapist?
I have a perverse psychotic hope Ruth discovers her reason to live is she likes hurting people ala Mike.
Why settle for what you deserve when you can have more than that?
Oh christ, Ruth is 20? This whole time I was thinking “Ruth is probably about 22 like me” but nope, I’m feeling old
Funnily enough I was also in an alcoholic mentally ill intense feelings lesbian relationship when I was 20
Oh so old.
I’m 42 today.
I mean, I know I’m relatively young, but we’re all the oldest we’ve ever been.
Also, Happy Birthday, mate!
You’re older than you’ve ever been
And now you’re even older
And now you’re older still.
Wait, what was that? That was you, from only three seconds ago. So young, and full of life, hope. Man, what happened?
I was younger than Ruth when I started reading this comic…
We’ve got five minutes, stuck on my eyes
We’ve got five minutes, what a surprise
We’ve got five minutes, my brain hurts a lot
We’ve got five minutes, that’s all we’ve got
Nice
https://youtu.be/0CM_E5kfjGQ
I still think her hair looks strange.
I think it’s because it’s such an abrupt change in color; it doesn’t feather or blend from one shade to the other.
Although who am I to say? With what passes for fashion and style these days, this might have been the look she was going for all along.
Though to my knowledge, Willis wasn’t. Well, at least the pudding comments.
Since the recent strips have been heavy in nature, I thought we might have fun coming up with other musical instruments (like bongo) to replace a few curse word insults and then using them for a few days instead. Think of it like Willis putting up a new porn after the toe dad thing: confusing to emotions and new readers. What do yall think? We can do stuff like say banjo instead of bastard and bassoon instead of ass/arse. I would said have said French Horn for Damn You Willis, but I would never want to tie him up 😉
trombone to replace the male reproductive body part?
piano
.
SURELY
Because while most people think they’re great with it they can barely play with one 3 inch key?
Or the name of people who can play the piano?
It’s the second thing, isn’t it?
Lmao! I like this one XD
I like “Banjo”. How about “Vuvuzela” in place of DYW?
I do too especially since it’s similar to bongo 😉
I totally laughed out loud when I looked up Vuvuzela XD
Eh, I try.
In Peter and the Wolf, the wolf was the French Horn, brought drama, killed a character, and then was captured by Peter with a rope and tied up. I figured I better say it now as I realize nobody got the nod to it and I must sound like a loon XD
On a less serious note, what the hell is that dark blob on the top of Chloe’s head? Was it a pudding cup?
Just in case this isn’t a joke post, I do believe it’s her hair color, and the blonde part is dyed. She just hasn’t had it retouched.
Actually, I thought the blonde part was her natural color. If those are dark roots, that retouch is waaaaaaaaay overdue. Then again, my wife would tell you that I don’t know doodly-squat about women’s hair.
Believe it or not, I know women who wear their hair like that on purpose. Some even dye it that way! Here’s an example that’s similar to Chloe’s
http://dianekingsbeck.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/jh.jpg
To each their own.
oh jesus god even RUTH is younger than me, i thought we were atleast even