I need to use this information to achieve immortality for myself. Now who is the closest person to me who is also a lesbian *checks*. It’s my mother in law…. Well I’m screwed, lol
I think that not having a chance and/or not being able to do anything to prevent it was really painful for her, so she really can’t bare the thought of not being able to do anything here.
I don’t think there’s been anything to suggest that she blames herself (so far, at least), though it’s possible she blames herself for not seeing some kind of red flag that would have allowed to do something before it was too late, whether or not there actually were any signs she could have noticed. 🙁
From my own experience, when you lose someone you care about to suicide, there is ALWAYS an aspect of blaming yourself, albeit not necessarily in so many words. If only I’d listened better. If only I’d picked up on signs quicker. If only I’d been there with them at that exact moment. If only I’d said one more exact right thing, given one more hug, made them smile one more time.
At least that’s how I feel, and I’ve only ever lost friends. I can only imagine the feeling if it were immediate family.
*hugs* And yeah, suicide is one of those things that trigger survivor’s guilt and self-blame hard, because it’s really easy to pour over your actions or their actions for those little moments “you should have seen” or “should have been there for”. I kick myself enough for missing attempts by friends and students of mine, so I can’t imagine how much it must hit to feel one missed a completed suicide.
And for Becky it is so much worse, because a) she lived with her mom and spent almost all of her time with her being educated and raised, so the windows for Bonnie to have taken those pills and to have taken those pills long enough to have died because of complications in the hospital must have been very small, b) Becky obviously cared a ton in those ghost panels at her house for her and Bonnie was probably the thing that protected her from as much of Toedad’s abuse that she could by accepting the brunt of it, so losing her mom wasn’t just losing her mom, but also the only thing that protected her from her dad, and c) She was the one to find her and it was too late. Like, holy shit, to be the one to find her, to think you had a chance, that you may have found her in time, she’s at the hospital and she’s hanging on by a thread, and then, nope, no you didn’t? Holy crap, that’d break a lot of people.
No wonder her mask is fully cracked by the last panel.
I find that explanation a little bit too – static for the Toedad side.
Bonnie’s death definitely had a lot of impact on Toedad and may be the final impulse that pushed him over the cliff.
He was a fundie nut before the death of his wife, but visit a school campus with a rifle presumably would not have happened then.
Oh, I think he definitely got worse. But I think him striking Becky was too casual and easy for it to be something that only started once Bonnie had died. Plus, it’s canon that he’s been hyper-controlling for awhile, so the likelihood that he’s been abusive towards his family for awhile is high even if the stress of losing Bonnie has made him even more Toedad than usual.
Okay, but Becky is seriously concerned. Some part of her brain went: “Oh no, not again.” and now she’s trying to keep the bowl of petunias from hitting the ground.
By only the thinnest of margins, too. Holding a rictus smile to keep from completely collapsing. I think we might be seeing that Becky collapse I was expecting at the end of the weekend, right here.
With Sierra? I’m not sure what you’re thinking of, but she’s barely spoken to Sierra.
I remember Danny talking to Dorothy about it and Becky getting drawn in. Not sure of anything else.
Billie was the first she’d met
At IU and knowing that she’s queer, you mean?
Because she “met” Kaitlin long before her visit at IU, and she even met Carla a minute before she met Billie the first time (see following strip).
It was specifically said that it was “attempted suicide” (the trigger warning on that page). Whether she went through with it later, or is “off stage” in some kind of institution, we haven’t been told.
My understanding is that she either died in hospital from the attempt (depending on what it was she took, this is quite plausible – paracetamol/acetaminophen is ridiculously easy to OD on, and the resulting liver failure is a relatively lingering cause of death) or she had a later successful attempt after she was discharged (and probably received no follow-up care). I don’t know if we have any more information on it than that.
To be fair, it depends what it is. An OD on a suppressant (like the alcohol/sleeping pills combo) would probably kill you before organ failure came into the picture.
…and I am probably coming across as disturbingly morbid. Sorry about that. Don’t study pharmacology whilst lowkey suicidal, folks
Yup, that was my read as well. She took something like ibuprofen in high dosage, Becky discovered her, and then she died days/weeks later in the hospital from the organ failure (and that’s also probably why cancer was a good cover story, since she was probably weak and emaciated looking from the stomach pump and at least her liver was failing).
Which is why that’s the ghost flashback panel rather than something with Toedad running out of a room holding Bonnie.
I had several friends try to OD on pills but were luckily found fast enough to get their stomach pumped with only a little lingering damage. And had to babysit a bottle of vicodin for a friend because she was stockpiling it for her planned suicide attempt and she was recognizing the planning.
Seconding how easy it is to OD on acetaminophen. I had to work a 12hr shift while on my period, and I took A LOT of midol cuz I get bad cramps. I started getting increasingly dizzy and ended up having to go home early and call out sick the next day to detox. Oops.
I accidentally OD’d on one of my medications once (accidentally took a double dose of a medication that can cause liver damage in high doses) and spent the next day just dizzy and terrified that I just fucked up my body for good.
Yeah, but it’s a nice answer to a lot of the commentary yesterday, which was torn between “Walky’s just wandering off to the snack machine because feels.” and “See he’s turning away from Dorothy. They’re breaking up.”
When instead he just was heading off to take part in today’s strip, which no one else had noticed yet.
Which is also beautiful. Like I was probably a bit hard on Walky in previous strips (so mea culpa), but this was all him at his best. Noticing Billie got released and running to meet her. Even asking about Ruth and her health even though he strongly dislikes her and was seconds ago stewing about her because he knows she is important to Billie.
It’s moments like these that makes me overall optimistic about the goof.
In my experience, if US universities suspect you of being any kind of depressed they require you to be in counseling or you are suspended/expelled. You need a counselor to sign off on your mental well-being to continue attending classes.
Yeah, but it was Ruth who was the patient, can doctors just do that? grab some random non patient and start giving them orders?
“Hey, I know you weren’t actually the patient you just came in with her but now you have to follow my orders, that’ll be such-and-such dollars, next patient!”
Walky was there before, why didn’t the doctor just grab Walky and tell him he has to see a therapist for being such an idiot manchild too? Is this a fascist Hospital?
I think a lot of people seem to be assuming that only Ruth was the patient, and Billie was there to console her. From what I picked up, they were BOTH patients. That’s why they let Walky in – he’s the emergency contact of one of the patients.
The doctor caught on that this is a SLSP, so they should be kept apart*. That way neither will try anything, because they have to wait until they are together again.
(They have to die together so they will reincarnate next door to each other with a Red String of Fated Love tying them together.)
What everyone else said. Walky told Chloe that Billie was also suicidal. Billie was also low responsive when Chloe saw them on the bed together. Billie has shown huge signs of depression and suicidal ideation. Additionally, Billie has been drunk fairly consistently since move-in day. So blood tests or just smelling her breath probably revealed that, so even if it’s not for depression, it’s at least going to be focused on alcohol abuse.
So yeah, there was no way Billie was getting through this without at least mandatory therapy sessions or being forced to take a semester off.
On a separate note, I’m squeeing so hard to see Billie and Ruth finally in therapy. It’s going to talk so long even if it is halfway decent (and a lot of college therapy is not halfway decent), but we’ll see Billie and Ruth actually confronting a lot of the demons they’ve been running from and building new strategies to cope without long-term suicide plans.
The ONLY way one may be kept against their will is if harm to oneself is suspected. Otherwise, one can leave a hospital at any time.
You don’t have to leave in a wheelchair, either. The hospital will have (very strong) preferences, but I left after abdominal cancer surgery on my own feet.
I don’t know if she particularly ‘needs’ to because they ‘say so’ or because if she does NOT show up they’d try to track her down and that’d be a bigger hassle than just going.
I’ve known a lot of people who deride depression. Especially if you are prescribed medicine or therapy for it, they see it as you being a loser or defective or something along those lines. Billie’s probably mostly afraid because as a highschool bully she might have done the same thing back in the day. But people like that do exist, and they can make things very difficult.
On some level, I envy those that would do so. It means that they’ve never known pain so severe that facing the aether itself is preferable to continuing to draw breath.
Yup, it’s one of the things you find out real fucking fast when you admit to depression in real life or online. Basically, that just marks you as a target because people, especially people wrapped up in toxic masculinity view that as meaning you are a) crazy and b) weak.
And to bully types, being one of those means that you are now a perfect target to harass and make a game out of*. Where they play at seeing if they can push you over the edge because hey, you’re weak and crazy and thus worthless to society in your eyes or can be convinced to become strong and sane by just trying hard rather than wallowing in self-pity (these people classically do not understand how mental illness or suicidal ideation work).
And our society reinforces these ideas, by propping up the idea of decrying “weakness” as a social means of demonstrating strength (for an extreme example, listening to a roider ranting about people who don’t jack themselves on steroids and exercise all the time). And also propping up the idea that “craziness” is a catch all thing that makes one socially worthless and often socially dangerous (see how often spree killers are called crazy whether or not they actually have a mental illness and whether or not there was something else like toxic masculinity driving their actions).
Having a condition like this also marks you as non-normative in some way, which also can bring a lot of abuse, because people tend to bully that which they don’t know, because it’s easier to try and eliminate the unknown rather than take the time and effort to try and understand it. Plus, she was also just outed as queer and probably grew up in a community and high school where being outed was a one way ticket to being bullied city (hence why she and Alice were so secretive about their relationship and why she was so in denial that this actually meant she wasn’t actually straight).
So add up all that and Billie has good reason to fear that being diagnosed and discovered in front of everyone is gonna mean whisper gossip behind her back at best and abuse and bullying at moderate.
Also, seriously, fuck those that bully depressed folks. Like, a lot of my kids suffer through that and suffered through being bullied for that at their old schools, so I crack down like a motherfucker at my school on it, because I’m a fierce mama bear of a teacher and no one is gonna harm my kids while I have the power to do something about it.
After reading that article you linked, I feel gross just knowing that I’m the same species as the kind of horrifically cruel pieces of shit who could even consider treating another human being that way.
Then I had to go and click on one of the links (protip: don’t) in it to a post from one of their admins which mentioned how embarrassing it was that some of their posters had expressed guilt after someone they targeted died. I can’t understand how its even possible for someone to be such a disgusting, rancid shit-filled dumpster fire without the laws of physics breaking down and causing them to collapse into their own asshole, fedora and all. Trying to wrap my head around the idea is making my head hurt.
HOWEVER, it also gives back me a bit of hope for humanity to learn that you’re a teacher, because I believe that’s somewhere that a compassionate, insightful, dedicated person could do an incredible amount of good. And while I only discovered this comic about a month ago, it’s immediately clear that you are all of those things. I think students must be really fortunate to have you in their lives.
Also, Godportunities. Also also, “Well if you ate healthy/tried yoga/a million other bullshit things that basically amount to ‘you’re just not trying hard enough you can’t REALLY have a chronic chemical imbalance in your brain’!” Those tend to have the veneer of sympathy at first, but then when time passes and you’re not Helping Yourself Be The Best You You Can Be, well, that’s just your own fault then. So sad. Should be trying harder. Just making it up for attention.
Anyone unfamiliar with Ruth and Billie’s suicidal depression would find the idea of them actually being secret lovers when they were constantly fighting in public pretty funny.
And we know that Mary will do “diabolical smile while holding fingertips together with spread fingers”, AKA the Evil Mastermind Planning Evil Deeds Smile™. So she would probably do the kind of cruel laughter that would make Joffrey oh-so-hot for her.
Yup, or biting comments. She already did acerbic comments when Ruth desperately tried to be semi-functional and doing her job in the halls, which is what plopped her over the edge to being completely catatonic.
I understand that Becky’s mother was a suicide. Also that Becky thinks Billy is nice for letting her use her dorm room (without knowing that Billy didn’t care for her welfare, only that she was asked to do it, and it didn’t inconvenience her, so she did). And Becky discovered they are lesbians.
However, are these seem reasons enough to account for Becky’s sudden ‘best friend’ actions?. She doesn’t really know Becky, and never met Ruthless, I think.
I can understand her being glad to discover other lesbians, but not her timing in forcing her way into their really painful situation right now.
I love Becky, one of my favorite characters here. But, I hope Joyce can maybe pull her back a bit on this one.
Dang no edit.
I can’t imagine the pain of her living with her mom’s suicide. But, I question if she would really react this strongly, to a girl who she barely knows girlfriend’s attempt at it?
She is obviously, but I just don’t understand it.
Becky is a really compassionate person. Billie is cool, queer and was nice to Becky at a time when Billie REALLY needed someone to be nice to her. She is also in a very real sense part of Becky’s family.
Becky likes her, wants to keep her as a friend and feels she owes her. She has also every reason to be terrified of suicide.
As for how effective it is… yeah, Becky has no idea of what she is doing. Afterall, the only suicide she has experience of was the one she failed to stop.
Not to mention she was told when she was given the room by Billie that Billie “wasn’t going to need it anymore”, which probably sounds a hell of a lot different to Becky now that she knows she was suicidal.
Also, all of what Bagge said. Billie was the first other queer girl besides her roommate who denied her she ever met. She gave her haircut money in a really vulnerable part of her life and gave her a roof over her head and a place to hang her pictures at. Becky really admires Billie, Billie is part of what gave her the strength to trust that this place would be different than Anderson, and Billie helped her out when she was reaching her breaking point sharing a bed with Joyce every night.
There was no way this wasn’t going to hit her as hard as a brick.
I think you underestimate the amount of concern that Billie has for others. It’s just that she doesn’t want us to *know* she actually cares. That would imply weakness on her part & she can’t have that.
We have seen Billie help out others, and we have seen her revel in it, because it makes her feel useful again. Whether it was menial tasks like unclogging the garbage chute, or solving a lovers’ tiff… Or for that matter, her desire to help Walky get together with Dorothy. I think she clearly expressed that she cared about these things. And I also think that she very happily entered into that role, mainly because it made her feel popular again.
And therein lies the rub. She did those things for herself as well as for others. Now, if that had been her only MO for being/feeling popular, that would have been the end of it as far as I am concerned.
Of course, the drug of popularity is powerful, oh-so-powerful, and Billie has not been above doing less charitable actions to feed that drug. BUT, Billie has been seen to slowly realise this herself since starting university. And that is of course a good thing…
…except that slowly weaning herself of this drug has also turned out to be somewhat painful. All that dopamine and adrenaline produced as a head(?) cheerleader is no longer readily available. Coming to university must’ve been like going Cold Turkey for Billie. Perhaps it is small wonder she would seek out even a suicidal pact, booze-filled relationship; because even that somehow made it all more bearable…
Anyway, what was my point again? I seem to have gotten into some serious rambling there.
Were you trying to say that because Billie’s acts made her feel good about herself, that she didn’t really care about anyone? ‘Cause, man, that’s a whole pudding bag full of knives you’ve made for yourself, there.
Good deeds can make you feel good, but they are rarely taken solely to make the good deed performer feel good and aren’t really harmful if they are genuinely helpful and wanted help by the people receiving it.
One of the big things that libertarians got wrong* about the “selfishness” of kind actions and aiding your fellow human.
*Libertarians wrong about something? Shock and consternation.
That was not my intention, no. It was rather to show that Billie did not try to hide the fact that she was helping out people. In fact, she enjoyed being known as the helper.
And note these words:
“And therein lies the rub. She did those things for herself -as well as for others-.” So no, I never said she did not care about others. I thought my wording made that plain enough. Less plain is me saying that I have no problems with this, but it is there, in the same paragraph.
Sadly, I think Joyce still doesn’t know about Becky’s mom. Hank wouldn’t have gotten chance to tell her, since Becky was there the whole time, and she obviously didn’t want to talk about it.
She has Joyce’s smile right now. Joyce acted worse when Billie was upset.
Christian Home schooled = poor boundaries . Its a theme of the comic.
Plus Joyce introduced Billie as her best Xtian friend in College.
Billie gave her a room when she was homeless. Plus the lesbian connection.
These are all good reasons for her to feel attached.
The worst part of this is it’s probably at least partially because Billie mentioned Ruth was under observation.
Like, to Becky, she doesn’t know how to stop this, but the fancy doctor scientist ladies think that being “under observation” can help stop a suicidal person from killing themselves, so damnitt, Becky MacIntyre will rise to that challenge and observe the heck out of Billie so that she doesn’t die.
I disagree. If someone *asks* me if I want a hug in a non-joyful situation, I’d say no in almost every case. If they simply initiate it though, I’d probably tense up at first but it would eventually help me relax.
Okay, fine, MAYBE someone we know reacts like de Combys. Debatable. But in general, no. Me, I tense up and DON’T untense, unless it’s someone I’m on hugging terms with. The awkward and feeling of mild violation just sticks with me all day, along with the sense that people aren’t respecting my desire for distance. If someone’s hugged me without consent, I tend to avoid them in the future.
And then there’s people who react… violently to being touched nonconsensually. I once saw a tourist in Florida break a man’s wrist when the latter walked up and wordlessly pressed a massager into his back as a demonstration of its effectiveness.
It isn’t, and therapy of your own volition is way, way better. But, if Billie gets a good therapist, the therapist can encourage Billie to define what she would like to get out of it, they can try to make it useful. In this case, first step is getting Billie in the door!
I’m actually super excited to see the therapy, because Billie and Ruth are probably gonna be super antagonistic about it to start with (well, at least Billie, because she’s still majorly in denial that she has any sort of problem, because to her high school mind that she’s strangled in the campus parking lot, problems are for losers).
And I’m curious to see if the therapist is decent and gets her to talk more about her stuff in a helpful way. And I kinda want them to be, because I’d love to see this be a hook for a lot of the cast to start dipping their toe in the therapy waters (with good experiences and bad). I mean, we’ll still have lots of pain and drama, because therapy doesn’t actually fix all problems in a day and make it so people don’t also have to do the long and hard activities of learning how to function with their realities, but we’ll see the hard work of them becoming people who can more fully function and do that hard processing.
There’s honestly a part of me wondering if time away from Billie in the care of a professional will be the push for Ruth that Billie never could be.
Billie, for all her intent, wasn’t going to fix Ruth (this is not her fault, obviously). You could make a convincing argument that it was Billie declaring the both of them poison that pushed Ruth into drinking again.
Billie doesn’t think she has a problem. Like Amber, she’s fine admitting that she’s a terrible garbage human being without going into specifics about it or admitting that it’s a thing she can pull herself out of. She’s not getting therapy to deal with also being suicidally depressed, she’s being forced into getting talked at, when obviously she is not the one with the problem, and what she needs to do is go back into Ruth’s room and hold hands until they finally decide to kill themselves.
It’s been mentioned a few times here, that intent can mean a LOT to a depressed person. Even a bumbling fool can make a person feel better, if he means well.
Yeah, since after all the important thing when you’re having such dark thoughts is that it gets out and taken seriously. The details don’t matter so much.
Is nobody else worried about Billie saying: “Apparently, I’m not ‘at risk’ enough”?
Like she disagrees?
Or might do something about appearances to get closer to Ruth again?
I’m not worried about her doing something to get closer to Ruth (Since she already made it clear that was off the table), but it does seem possible that she may do something. Alternately she’s bitter.
I don’t think she would do something worse to get close to Ruth – as we’ve established, the doctors want to keep them seperate, so if Ruth was more “at-risk” they might actually deny her visits in case they try to do ‘something’ together. But I think, as a sufferer of depression and suicidal thoughts, that there’s that lingering voice at the back of her mind that says “am I not worthy of your help?” With the sense of inadequacy that Billie must be feeling right now, it probably hurts.
Yeah, that was how I read it. And it’s one of those things that you tend to cling to and internalize when you’re suicidal all the time.
Like, oh, the doctors said (actually a thing about being suicidal, but seeming safe enough to not be sectioned), so that actually means that even they don’t think I’m actually really suicidal, so this must mean I’m making everything dramatic like my parents said. Fuck that, time to give in to the dark thoughts.
Hell, one’s brain finds all sorts of tricks to fuck with you when you’re depressed, getting you to believe that support networks are all just inches away from leaving you at any time, that statements of support are irritations you’re best avoiding, and that the future looks a helluva lot more depressing and hopeless than it actually is.
There are lists that professionals use to determine your risk of comitting suicide. It’s normally a very slow process that takes many years. So you can think about suicide a lot and hate yourself but not really be at risk for comitting the act. Hence why they told her that she wasn’t in immediate danger but still needed therapy.
I think that the shocking thing for Billie will be to learn that she was only ever an isolated and despised figure in her own head. Except with Mary but Mary despises anyone and anything that is not so similar to her as to be hypothetically usable as a mirror, so she doesn’t really count.
The important thing will be to find the right balance between support and respect for independence so that Billie does not feel stifled and even almost institutionalised. For example, what Becky’s doing is just creepy.
Meanwhile, something tells me that we’re not going to be seeing Ruth again for a while, unless Willis does another time skip.
I think Alice’s words on their impromptu reunion left quite an impression. It was around then that her arrogance keeled over, but her confidence went with it.
Yup, it was even her central argument for entering into the sexy lesbian suicide pact with Ruth, because in her eyes if she was with poison, then only by being in a relationship with someone who was also poison (and in her mind being a depressed alcoholic queer woman equalled poison) could she actually be with someone without destroying them.
And yeah, I’m also kinda holding out hope that the little Queer Underground that’s been forming around Becky will also surreptitiously reach out to Billie as well and try and show support. Especially since it’s also gotten out that Mary was blackmailing them about their relationship.
Yeah, at the very least I’m expecting after she was taken to the health center/”wait, Ruthless? YOU and Ruthless? That is… an interesting romantic choice there.” at least one person’s going to have some questions. Hopefully even phrased in such a way they don’t immediately set Billie off.
I feel so bad for Becky. She’s already had to deal with her Mom attempting suicide and now her friend who gave her a place to stay when she had nowhere to go is in a similar situation.
So, I have been searching my feelings aboutnBecky for a whilemand I have reached a conclusion. I don’t like her. I sympathise with her and I think she is completely undeserving of all the unfair shit that have been happening to her, but I also think she have a tendenxy to forget about others, a bit and not think about how her actions affect them. I think this is mainly due to her being a rather excitited person, combined with her dealing with all the shit that have been happening to her. She is not a bad person, she have gone through a lot of shit, but I just don’t like her, mostly because she reminds me of people I know, who do stupid things at the expense of everyone else. I hope this long thing wasn’t as confusing for you as it was for me to write
It’s kind of sad to view it from the perspective Becky thinks of Billie as an awesome friend while Billie wants to help but doesn’t quite really like Becky.
Ouch, yeah, I really hope that’s what Billie takes from Becky’s attention but in the self loathing state of mind she is in, that might very well be it.
What I shout: SHE WANT’S YOU TO NOT DIE, BILLIE, EVERYTHING ELSE IS SECONDARY.
What Billie hears: You have let everyone down and they would be better off without you. Also, you are fat .
Panels 1 and 2: First up, Walky here is Walkying it in all the right ways. Like I had really mixed feelings about him the last couple of strips, but here is him at his best and shows what he’s really capable when he’s knocked out of his “I’m too cool for school and emotions” High School dude pose. Like, he ran to check up on her and has probably been nervously glancing over at the door this whole time to make sure he didn’t miss her coming out. He cares so much for his little sister-like-person and it’s heart-melting.
Also major props for asking about Ruth even though he doesn’t like her and is probably still stewing over her because he knows she’s important to Billie. A+ brothering.
And oof, Billie.
First up, yay therapy. No really, I’m really excited to see some of the characters starting therapy and getting on that road to having a little less noise cluttering up their attempts to acknowledge and process their stuff. And also her having some anti-depressants hopefully soon so that eventually she won’t have to rely on booze as her only coping strategy.
Also, I think therapy tends to go under-utilized in works like these, because people seem to labor under the misperception that they magically make you better faster and don’t actually begin a long drama-filled process of confronting a lot of one’s darkest demons and slowly building a life which is filled with dramatic potential.
Second, *all the hugs offered* to Billie for that last dig at herself, thinking that her not being put under observation is a statement denying her depression and suicidal ideation. And because she can’t support her loved one after finally reconnecting while she goes through her long dark teatime of the soul.
That’s how depression often kicks one’s ass, by constantly undermining one’s self-esteem and making it easier to internalize everything and use it as a tool to fuck one’s self up later.
Third, fuck the fucking fuckers who use things like admitted depression or queerness to target someone. I see it enough against friends of mine who are being harassed online and I’ve been through it myself as someone who doesn’t shy away from talking about my queerness and struggles with depression. It happens too damn often, often enough to correctly assume she’s probably going to be whispered about and may even be more targeted by the likes of Mary or Mike (who knows her secret).
Hands clasped like she’s trying to literally keep herself from exploding apart or like she’s praying to her lesbian gods that she isn’t too late to keep her from dying. Eyes locked and shiny like she’s inches away from crying, rictus grin holding the thread-bare fraying rope tightly across the collapse that’s so eminent.
You know that behind those eyes she’s playing back every ghost of her mother, discovering her, going to hospital, finding out she discovered her too late, being yelled at to not talk about it with her best friend by the abusive dad she no longer had even a little protection from. And it’s ripping her apart.
And Billie, legitimately unnerved, largely because to her, without context, this feels like a confirmation of her greatest fears (oh, yes, let’s all stare at the suicidal freak, why don’t we, like I’m a rat in a cage). In high school, she probably had to deal with stares and whispers behind her back a bit, especially after she crashed her car and had her cheerleading role stripped. More so, if Alice was also in the car and it was rumored that they were together.
And that last panel. Becky is broken here. Her smile is gone, her shoulders have fully hunched, her boundaries non-existent. She’s hit her physical and emotional limit right there and it’s understandable why. She found her mom too late, a mom who committed suicide, and so she can’t go through that again. She just can’t take that, so she’s going to try, she’s going to do all the things she feels she should have done back then and damnitt this time she’s gonna succeed.
Just vainly following the idea that “being under observation” somehow helps, and hoping that this is how you do that and it’ll be enough. Because Billie was kind to her. Billie gave her haircut money. Billie was the one of the first queer girls she ever met. Billie gave her a roof and a room and a bed when she really needed them.
And in her eyes, Billie never returned to her room. She may not even know that Billie was blackmailed. So in her eyes, Billie gave her this awesome bed and said she wouldn’t need any of her space anymore, and then went off and now both Billie and her gf turned out to be in a suicide pact together, planning to die (or at least that’s how it’s probably going in Becky’s fears).
So in her mind, it’s someone given her everything to have nothing left to hang onto when they die. And that’s gotta haunt her. Because you know based on those flashbacks panels that Bonnie was probably the type of suicidal person who would have made real sure she gave Becky one last great day before going through with her suicide. Taking her out someplace fun and awesome. Letting her feel super loved, so that Bonnie could check out with few regrets.
So to Becky, this probably feels like her mom all over again. Like all that kindness was just one last goodbye and she completely missed it all, just like last time, and this time, she nearly lost another person she cared about because she was so hyperfocused on making sure Joyce didn’t become the person to repeat her mom’s path*.
*I’m suddenly realizing that Becky’s insistence on coming along with Joyce and not wanting her to go off on her own didn’t just have to do with her dealing with PTSD and knowing that, but also fearing that Joyce’s sudden change in disposition was a sign that she was at risk for killing herself (a sign that may have indeed been the case if Joyce had gone home and had faced her mom wanting to pull her out of college with no Becky to defuse).
Becky has been through far too much in the last month and a half, I’m hoping her dino gf can cuddle her sometime this early week and let her know that she’s valued and important too and that she’s allowed to break down and cry if she needs it.
Seriously, SO GLAD Billie’s getting therapy and Ruth’s being treated seriously but ugh, all the Becky hugs. All the Billie hugs. All the telling Mary to fuck off. All the SUDDEN REALIZATION OF OH BECKY OH JOYCE AUGH HUG EVERYONE.
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except maybe of embarrassment, jeez
Lesbian immortality stare activate!
Care Bear, STARE!
Care. Bear. GLARE.
ACTIVATE!
I need to use this information to achieve immortality for myself. Now who is the closest person to me who is also a lesbian *checks*. It’s my mother in law…. Well I’m screwed, lol
Mirror magic Maybe?
Lesbians get all the best powers.
But what if Becky gets distracted by the “safe and warm forever“?
she can totes stare at those
It is probably pretty hard to kill yourself with someone just staring at you. Forever.
Not if you kill her first…
Well that’s one way to end a chapter.
And then Dina becomes a super villain next chapter?
She’s already got a super-power of stealth and a special dino-fighting combat style. But…. what sort of villainous deeds would she be motivated to do?
Bring dinosaurs back to life and unleash them on the world?
If so, she and Mezagog from Power Rangers Dino Thunder would get along quite well.
With her stealth she is the white dino ranger
It would involve feathers.
Not necessarilly. She might just bring back anklyosaurus.
Ankylosaurs may have had armpit feathers, actually.
Killing someone is a super effective way to get them to stop staring at you.
Meh, there’s fewer legal ramifications if you just blind them. And it’s less morally problematic.
….. well that’s TECHNICALLY TRUE….
yessss, precioussssss…. murder EVERYONES…
Funny how I have no qualms about making jokes about murder, and yet I try to avoid jokes about suicide.
Murder’s usually more fun.
And you can do it more than once.
What about jokes about murder-suicide?
The audience died of boredom.
If you don’t mind listening to THE BEATING OF THAT INFERNAL HEART…
Sexy Lesbian Murder-Suicide.
oh good, theyre both under observation
nice
Oh, jeez, Becky…
(the hovertext stole my original joke)
Whose pot is blacker than her kettle? (Paraphrasing the theme to The Black Adder)
She has good intentions, but still, staring at someone in that way is creepy.
Beautiful cinnamon roll too good for this world, too pure
But her sad puppy-dog eyes are so saaaad
Becky’s Mom was out if sight for a while.
Aaand that’s dark, but sadly true
That…..
is sad. Like…really, really damned sad.
I agree.
Becky still kinda blames herself for her mom’s suicide…?
I think that not having a chance and/or not being able to do anything to prevent it was really painful for her, so she really can’t bare the thought of not being able to do anything here.
I don’t think there’s been anything to suggest that she blames herself (so far, at least), though it’s possible she blames herself for not seeing some kind of red flag that would have allowed to do something before it was too late, whether or not there actually were any signs she could have noticed. 🙁
That would also make sense. Must watch for super-hidden and possibly non-existent indications that you’re gonna die!
I know a highschooler who is privy to his dad’s suicidal ideation. That’s gotta be intense.
From my own experience, when you lose someone you care about to suicide, there is ALWAYS an aspect of blaming yourself, albeit not necessarily in so many words. If only I’d listened better. If only I’d picked up on signs quicker. If only I’d been there with them at that exact moment. If only I’d said one more exact right thing, given one more hug, made them smile one more time.
At least that’s how I feel, and I’ve only ever lost friends. I can only imagine the feeling if it were immediate family.
*hugs*
*hugs* And yeah, suicide is one of those things that trigger survivor’s guilt and self-blame hard, because it’s really easy to pour over your actions or their actions for those little moments “you should have seen” or “should have been there for”. I kick myself enough for missing attempts by friends and students of mine, so I can’t imagine how much it must hit to feel one missed a completed suicide.
And for Becky it is so much worse, because a) she lived with her mom and spent almost all of her time with her being educated and raised, so the windows for Bonnie to have taken those pills and to have taken those pills long enough to have died because of complications in the hospital must have been very small, b) Becky obviously cared a ton in those ghost panels at her house for her and Bonnie was probably the thing that protected her from as much of Toedad’s abuse that she could by accepting the brunt of it, so losing her mom wasn’t just losing her mom, but also the only thing that protected her from her dad, and c) She was the one to find her and it was too late. Like, holy shit, to be the one to find her, to think you had a chance, that you may have found her in time, she’s at the hospital and she’s hanging on by a thread, and then, nope, no you didn’t? Holy crap, that’d break a lot of people.
No wonder her mask is fully cracked by the last panel.
I find that explanation a little bit too – static for the Toedad side.
Bonnie’s death definitely had a lot of impact on Toedad and may be the final impulse that pushed him over the cliff.
He was a fundie nut before the death of his wife, but visit a school campus with a rifle presumably would not have happened then.
Oh, I think he definitely got worse. But I think him striking Becky was too casual and easy for it to be something that only started once Bonnie had died. Plus, it’s canon that he’s been hyper-controlling for awhile, so the likelihood that he’s been abusive towards his family for awhile is high even if the stress of losing Bonnie has made him even more Toedad than usual.
What?! How they manage to pry her hand away?
The hospital would have access to the jaws of life.
That and hand sanitizer is a good solvent versus super glue. I learned that just recently.
For that matter, the nurses could just inject a numbing local.
…. that or they know all the pressure points.
Becuz alcohol.
I use 91% with rubber gloves to get sticker residue and such off.
The super-glue she used is called “metaphor”!
Hospitals would love to hire becky. If she never stops starin the patients with die
Becky….creepy.
Okay, Becky, there’s comforting, and there’s creepy. Comforting is waaaaaay over there. This? This is creepy.
And annoying.
Okay, but Becky is seriously concerned. Some part of her brain went: “Oh no, not again.” and now she’s trying to keep the bowl of petunias from hitting the ground.
Does that make Ruth the whale?
Umm… I haven’t really thought this metaphor through quite that far…
…maybe?
And what’s this liquid inside this bottle? I’ll it alcohol. I wonder if we’ll be friends…
Intentions or not, Billie’s reaction reads creeped out.
Becky :C
Note the extra large white spot in her eyes. The lights’ reflection. She’s holding back tears.
By only the thinnest of margins, too. Holding a rictus smile to keep from completely collapsing. I think we might be seeing that Becky collapse I was expecting at the end of the weekend, right here.
This same logic can be applied to the Schrodinger’s Cat experiment.
“watched photons never commit suicide”
But what about neutrinos? Since they’re almost unobservable, you never know what they are AND aren’t up to.
Electrons have been feeling very negative lately.
We’d better have Becky keep an eye on them too.
SHAME!!!!
I was about to make a horrible joke about the Heisenberg uncertainty principle but I realized it might be inappropriate.
If you lock a cat in a box with a device that will murder the cat if a radioactive particle decays, will the cat commit suicide?
No. The cat will murder you. (or at least pee on your keyboard.) Cats are evil.
Cuddly, but evil.
Seems.like justifiable homicide in this case.
Cats aren’t evil. Just indifferent.
Alt text: But watched potatoes in watched pots get skinned, boiled, mashed, and served with butter and/or gravy.
….. I’m not sure how that’s relevant, but there you go.
I once burned noodles because I wasn’t watching a pot. Boiled all the water right off.
Video games are distracting…
If you were playing a multiplayer game, then you have an excuse..because you can’t pause.
Multiplayer local. So yes and no. I do get to share some blame though.
That’s why I always set a timer alarm on my phone when I boil stuff like that~
I rather like the metaness of this one, cause I could picture him saying this about being in a game, rather than playing one, as implied.
I’ve melted the bottom off of a pot that way. Yep, actually melted it clean off. I was REALLY distracted.
My sister once welded bacon to a frying pan, for the same reason.
Oh great. Now we’re all hungry. I hope you made enough for everybody.
Initially I thought Becky was enthusiastic over Billie’s lesbianism.
There’s probably a bit of that in her response, too.
She knows what bisexuals are! (I mean, not until very recently, but still.)
She kind of denied their existence though, if I recall.
At first, but then she got around to learning it was possible after all.
Yup, thanks to a nice conversation with Sierra. And she knows that Billie is bi or at least strongly suspects.
With Sierra? I’m not sure what you’re thinking of, but she’s barely spoken to Sierra.
I remember Danny talking to Dorothy about it and Becky getting drawn in. Not sure of anything else.
Bonus strip.
In a patreon bonus strip, Sierra told her she was bi and then Becky clued in that “liking both” is a thing.
Oh Sierra’s bi? I didn’t know that.
Indeed she is.
“God made everything! Who am I not to appreciate all of it?”
Becky certainly denies that SHE could be bi. Her ALL-CONSUMING GIRL LUST completely precludes any interest in men.
Billie’s bi, not a lesbian, but she I think Becky was more enthusiastic simply to know another queer lady, and Billie was the first she’d met.
Sadly, the feeling is very much not mutual.
First she’d met nonsexually, maybe.
Billie was the first she’d met
At IU and knowing that she’s queer, you mean?
Because she “met” Kaitlin long before her visit at IU, and she even met Carla a minute before she met Billie the first time (see following strip).
Becky has found her kind
sort of
And Dina will be watching Becky watching Billie.
That’s double creepy.
Creepy squared.
Billie was watching Ruth, to begin with.
It’s a chain of strenuous observation.
So…. BECKY watches the watchers?
Finally, the answer!
Don’t creep the creeper.
And we will be watching Dina watching Becky watching Billie.
But who watches the watchers?
My cat is watching me watch Dina watching Becky watching Billie.
Stalkerception.
As Uatu could tell you, were he still alive, there are Watchers who watch other Watchers. 😀
The Watcher of course. Uatu know that by now.
*puts Jethro Tull’s “Watching Me Watching You” on the music*
wait did we find out that beckys mom committed suicide or am i misremembering
Yes, that’s the thing.
yes. http://www.dumbingofage.com/2016/comic/book-6/03-when-god-closes-the-door/ghosts/
right right rightrightright
I can’t remember if it was outright said but it’s been heavily implied. HEAVILY.
It was specifically said that it was “attempted suicide” (the trigger warning on that page). Whether she went through with it later, or is “off stage” in some kind of institution, we haven’t been told.
I could’ve sworn David Willis said for a fact that she’s dead.
Then again, I swear too much.
Hank also eluded to it with Joyce, who hasn’t been informed (she believed the cover story that Becky’s mom died of cancer).
Yeah, I think she’s dead, too — but the page linked above specifically says “attempted suicide”.
**detailed discussion of suicide cw**
My understanding is that she either died in hospital from the attempt (depending on what it was she took, this is quite plausible – paracetamol/acetaminophen is ridiculously easy to OD on, and the resulting liver failure is a relatively lingering cause of death) or she had a later successful attempt after she was discharged (and probably received no follow-up care). I don’t know if we have any more information on it than that.
Most people don’t know that pills are a painful way to go (because organ failure). ~The More You Know!~?
To be fair, it depends what it is. An OD on a suppressant (like the alcohol/sleeping pills combo) would probably kill you before organ failure came into the picture.
…and I am probably coming across as disturbingly morbid. Sorry about that.
Don’t study pharmacology whilst lowkey suicidal, folksYup, that was my read as well. She took something like ibuprofen in high dosage, Becky discovered her, and then she died days/weeks later in the hospital from the organ failure (and that’s also probably why cancer was a good cover story, since she was probably weak and emaciated looking from the stomach pump and at least her liver was failing).
Which is why that’s the ghost flashback panel rather than something with Toedad running out of a room holding Bonnie.
I had several friends try to OD on pills but were luckily found fast enough to get their stomach pumped with only a little lingering damage. And had to babysit a bottle of vicodin for a friend because she was stockpiling it for her planned suicide attempt and she was recognizing the planning.
It’s a real ugly way to die if it completes.
Seconding how easy it is to OD on acetaminophen. I had to work a 12hr shift while on my period, and I took A LOT of midol cuz I get bad cramps. I started getting increasingly dizzy and ended up having to go home early and call out sick the next day to detox. Oops.
I accidentally OD’d on one of my medications once (accidentally took a double dose of a medication that can cause liver damage in high doses) and spent the next day just dizzy and terrified that I just fucked up my body for good.
And like that the tears start flowing. Dammit but I can relate to that sentiment…
Does Becky still have a key to Billie’s room? Cause she’s going to sneak into Billie’s closet, just to burn it down.
Why would she do that? Billie’s not in there. And if she were, setting it on fire would just cause the very thing she wants to prevent!
I think the “joke” was so that she can’t go back into the closet?
or i will kill you first for being so creepy
Don’t blink. Blink and she’s dead. They are fast. Faster than you can believe. Don’t turn your back. Don’t look away. And don’t blink.
Good Luck.
Just this once, nobody dies.
Everything i love dies. quick, someone convince me to hate dina before something happens.
Tell me, how do you feel about this year’s presidential candidates?
SO MUCH HATE FOR THEM.
But, that just makes me love Dina more, ’cause she’s not one of them!
AND COULD NEVER BE ONE OF THEM.
Never!
The line is “Everybody lives, rose! Just this once, EVERYBODY LIVES!”
I do rather like how the inspiration for those things had disappeared the next time he went to see it.
Don’t <blink>!
<blink> and you’re dead!
Oh look, Walky was actually going back to Billie. It’s almost like he cares for her or something.
Well, of course! He arguably thinks of her more like a sister than he does Sal.
Yeah, but it’s a nice answer to a lot of the commentary yesterday, which was torn between “Walky’s just wandering off to the snack machine because feels.” and “See he’s turning away from Dorothy. They’re breaking up.”
When instead he just was heading off to take part in today’s strip, which no one else had noticed yet.
Which is also beautiful. Like I was probably a bit hard on Walky in previous strips (so mea culpa), but this was all him at his best. Noticing Billie got released and running to meet her. Even asking about Ruth and her health even though he strongly dislikes her and was seconds ago stewing about her because he knows she is important to Billie.
It’s moments like these that makes me overall optimistic about the goof.
Could be any of those options. It could be he turned away and Billie appeared. We just don’t know, just not enough information.
Dorothy did not look happy in that last panel.
Oh god this past arc actually makes the last panel so so so sad???
damnyouwillis.jpg
damnyouwillis.wav?
damnyouwillis.mp4
Damn You Willis, the Netflix Original TV Series!
Not as good as DYW! on Broadway.
Only because that has Neil Patrick Harris in it. Everything is better with NPH!
Damme Ye Wyllise, by Wm. Shakespeare.
damnyouwillis.com
For comedy? Well, it might be dramware!
Questing of Age
The blast conveniently breaks through the chains holding Joyce, Becky and Dina.
Joyce rises to her feet, and grabs Becky’s hand to pull her up.
Becky: Well at least we’re free.
Dina: Yes, but Joyce’s mother is here.
Jocelyne: We need an exit, fast.
Carol: For you, there is only destruction!
Carol starts to raise her power again.
Jocelyne: Shit.
Joyce: Creation of Adam!
The blast sends Carol through the wall and knocks her out.
Dorothy and Walky appear over the hole.
Walky: Hey guys! You need a ride!?
Joyce: It would be helpful!
Dorothy: C’mon then!
They leap up and run, to where there’s a massive airship waiting outside.
Becky: Sweet.
Sarah: C’mon!
Everyone clambers on to the ship, and they began to rise into the air.
Joyce: Who’s driving?
Becky sticks her head into the room.
Becky: Hey Joyce! It’s your dad!
Joyce: what!?
Dina: He wishes to assist us.
Walky: Well that was a complete waste of time.
Amber: Actually…
Amber pulls out a sheet of paper.
Joyce: What’s that?
Amber: The man on that business card left a bit ago, but he left this address behind. For some reason, the girl working at White Castle had it.
Walky: Where does it lead?
Amber: France.
Walky: FRANCE!?
Joyce: oooh croissants!
Dorothy: and wine.
Joyce: Any way, lets hope we can find our mysterious man there. I’m gonna go talk to my dad.
Joyce walks to the steering wheel, where Hank is piloting the ship.
Joyce: Why are you helping us?
Hank: What? I can’t assist me little girl?
Joyce: What about mom?
Hank: I’m sure she’ll be mad, but this is more important.
Joyce: Thanks daddy.
Joyce rejoins the others, and they look out the large window, over mountains and rivers.
Also, Mary escaped in the confusion.
“Oh look, Walky was actually going back to Billie. It’s almost like he cares for her or something.”
Madness!
On the “Becky’s housing” front, Ruth’s room is temporarily free…
And Billie has lots of keys to it!
Wait, why does Billie need to come back week after week?
Therapy.
Finally!
Yeah but, she HAS to? says who?
Possibly as a condition of staying in school?
At this point, it may simply be “because the doctor said she needed to”. doubt its any more binding than if they’d told her to get more exercise.
Hopefully she shows up, either way.
Cynicism multiplied by drowsiness wonders what happens if she shows up drunk.
In my experience, if US universities suspect you of being any kind of depressed they require you to be in counseling or you are suspended/expelled. You need a counselor to sign off on your mental well-being to continue attending classes.
Likely it was a condition of the medical team releasing her.
Yeah, but it was Ruth who was the patient, can doctors just do that? grab some random non patient and start giving them orders?
“Hey, I know you weren’t actually the patient you just came in with her but now you have to follow my orders, that’ll be such-and-such dollars, next patient!”
Walky was there before, why didn’t the doctor just grab Walky and tell him he has to see a therapist for being such an idiot manchild too? Is this a fascist Hospital?
I think a lot of people seem to be assuming that only Ruth was the patient, and Billie was there to console her. From what I picked up, they were BOTH patients. That’s why they let Walky in – he’s the emergency contact of one of the patients.
Oh…..but like, why? I’m not sure why Billie is considered a patient when all she was doing was lying next to her trying to comfort her.
Because Walky advised Chloe that Billie might also be suicidal, presumably.
Because Walky told Chloe Billie might be suicidal too, so Chloe told the doctors to give both a look-see.
Chloe mentioned that they were both suicidal.
She is a patient, they just don’t consider her to be in immediate danger, so they’re not keeping her under observation like Ruth.
The doctor caught on that this is a SLSP, so they should be kept apart*. That way neither will try anything, because they have to wait until they are together again.
(They have to die together so they will reincarnate next door to each other with a Red String of Fated Love tying them together.)
* Except when under observation.
What everyone else said. Walky told Chloe that Billie was also suicidal. Billie was also low responsive when Chloe saw them on the bed together. Billie has shown huge signs of depression and suicidal ideation. Additionally, Billie has been drunk fairly consistently since move-in day. So blood tests or just smelling her breath probably revealed that, so even if it’s not for depression, it’s at least going to be focused on alcohol abuse.
So yeah, there was no way Billie was getting through this without at least mandatory therapy sessions or being forced to take a semester off.
On a separate note, I’m squeeing so hard to see Billie and Ruth finally in therapy. It’s going to talk so long even if it is halfway decent (and a lot of college therapy is not halfway decent), but we’ll see Billie and Ruth actually confronting a lot of the demons they’ve been running from and building new strategies to cope without long-term suicide plans.
Exactly this!
What Billie did was:
* Going into Ruth’s room
* Locking the door
* and staying on the bed next to Ruth until Chloe found them
Not hard to guess that she is somehow related to that suicide ideation of Ruth.
The ONLY way one may be kept against their will is if harm to oneself is suspected. Otherwise, one can leave a hospital at any time.
You don’t have to leave in a wheelchair, either. The hospital will have (very strong) preferences, but I left after abdominal cancer surgery on my own feet.
Psychological consoling.
Probably more psychological counseling than therapy.
I don’t know if she particularly ‘needs’ to because they ‘say so’ or because if she does NOT show up they’d try to track her down and that’d be a bigger hassle than just going.
Oh poor Becky! This is just breaking my heart! :’-(
What asshole would laugh about this ?
I’ve known a lot of people who deride depression. Especially if you are prescribed medicine or therapy for it, they see it as you being a loser or defective or something along those lines. Billie’s probably mostly afraid because as a highschool bully she might have done the same thing back in the day. But people like that do exist, and they can make things very difficult.
On some level, I envy those that would do so. It means that they’ve never known pain so severe that facing the aether itself is preferable to continuing to draw breath.
Yup, it’s one of the things you find out real fucking fast when you admit to depression in real life or online. Basically, that just marks you as a target because people, especially people wrapped up in toxic masculinity view that as meaning you are a) crazy and b) weak.
And to bully types, being one of those means that you are now a perfect target to harass and make a game out of*. Where they play at seeing if they can push you over the edge because hey, you’re weak and crazy and thus worthless to society in your eyes or can be convinced to become strong and sane by just trying hard rather than wallowing in self-pity (these people classically do not understand how mental illness or suicidal ideation work).
*ALL THE CONTENT WARNINGS, but I wish I were fucking joking:
http://nymag.com/selectall/2016/07/kiwi-farms-the-webs-biggest-community-of-stalkers.html
And our society reinforces these ideas, by propping up the idea of decrying “weakness” as a social means of demonstrating strength (for an extreme example, listening to a roider ranting about people who don’t jack themselves on steroids and exercise all the time). And also propping up the idea that “craziness” is a catch all thing that makes one socially worthless and often socially dangerous (see how often spree killers are called crazy whether or not they actually have a mental illness and whether or not there was something else like toxic masculinity driving their actions).
Having a condition like this also marks you as non-normative in some way, which also can bring a lot of abuse, because people tend to bully that which they don’t know, because it’s easier to try and eliminate the unknown rather than take the time and effort to try and understand it. Plus, she was also just outed as queer and probably grew up in a community and high school where being outed was a one way ticket to being bullied city (hence why she and Alice were so secretive about their relationship and why she was so in denial that this actually meant she wasn’t actually straight).
So add up all that and Billie has good reason to fear that being diagnosed and discovered in front of everyone is gonna mean whisper gossip behind her back at best and abuse and bullying at moderate.
Also, seriously, fuck those that bully depressed folks. Like, a lot of my kids suffer through that and suffered through being bullied for that at their old schools, so I crack down like a motherfucker at my school on it, because I’m a fierce mama bear of a teacher and no one is gonna harm my kids while I have the power to do something about it.
After reading that article you linked, I feel gross just knowing that I’m the same species as the kind of horrifically cruel pieces of shit who could even consider treating another human being that way.
Then I had to go and click on one of the links (protip: don’t) in it to a post from one of their admins which mentioned how embarrassing it was that some of their posters had expressed guilt after someone they targeted died. I can’t understand how its even possible for someone to be such a disgusting, rancid shit-filled dumpster fire without the laws of physics breaking down and causing them to collapse into their own asshole, fedora and all. Trying to wrap my head around the idea is making my head hurt.
HOWEVER, it also gives back me a bit of hope for humanity to learn that you’re a teacher, because I believe that’s somewhere that a compassionate, insightful, dedicated person could do an incredible amount of good. And while I only discovered this comic about a month ago, it’s immediately clear that you are all of those things. I think students must be really fortunate to have you in their lives.
Also, Godportunities. Also also, “Well if you ate healthy/tried yoga/a million other bullshit things that basically amount to ‘you’re just not trying hard enough you can’t REALLY have a chronic chemical imbalance in your brain’!” Those tend to have the veneer of sympathy at first, but then when time passes and you’re not Helping Yourself Be The Best You You Can Be, well, that’s just your own fault then. So sad. Should be trying harder. Just making it up for attention.
And then I once more scream into a pillow.
OMG…that link…why is that a thing 🙁
You’d be surprised how thoroughly vile people can be.
They might laugh that Billie and Ruth were sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
Anyone unfamiliar with Ruth and Billie’s suicidal depression would find the idea of them actually being secret lovers when they were constantly fighting in public pretty funny.
Uh, Mary, for one…
Not Mary, you need a sense of humor to laugh.
Imagine Mary tries to use this to make their life hell in some way and Joyce finds out. She’s already thrown one huge punch in this comic.
Only for happy laughter.
Cruel or maniacal laughter have different requirements…
And we know that Mary will do “diabolical smile while holding fingertips together with spread fingers”, AKA the Evil Mastermind Planning Evil Deeds Smile™. So she would probably do the kind of cruel laughter that would make Joffrey oh-so-hot for her.
I don’t think Joffrey had room for that kind of admiration in the withered husk that passed for his heart.
They’re a perfect match, really.
Yup, or biting comments. She already did acerbic comments when Ruth desperately tried to be semi-functional and doing her job in the halls, which is what plopped her over the edge to being completely catatonic.
If they know the whole story? Probably no one. If all they know is that she was dating Ruthless? Yeah, they’ll laugh.
And how many of the people who would go to Joyce’s church will be here? They’d be laughing behind closed doors.
DEEEESSSPERADOOOO!
I understand that Becky’s mother was a suicide. Also that Becky thinks Billy is nice for letting her use her dorm room (without knowing that Billy didn’t care for her welfare, only that she was asked to do it, and it didn’t inconvenience her, so she did). And Becky discovered they are lesbians.
However, are these seem reasons enough to account for Becky’s sudden ‘best friend’ actions?. She doesn’t really know Becky, and never met Ruthless, I think.
I can understand her being glad to discover other lesbians, but not her timing in forcing her way into their really painful situation right now.
I love Becky, one of my favorite characters here. But, I hope Joyce can maybe pull her back a bit on this one.
Dang no edit.
I can’t imagine the pain of her living with her mom’s suicide. But, I question if she would really react this strongly, to a girl who she barely knows girlfriend’s attempt at it?
She is obviously, but I just don’t understand it.
Becky is a really compassionate person. Billie is cool, queer and was nice to Becky at a time when Billie REALLY needed someone to be nice to her. She is also in a very real sense part of Becky’s family.
Becky likes her, wants to keep her as a friend and feels she owes her. She has also every reason to be terrified of suicide.
As for how effective it is… yeah, Becky has no idea of what she is doing. Afterall, the only suicide she has experience of was the one she failed to stop.
Yeah, that’s how I see it. It’s less about how well she knows Billie, more about what Billie symbolizes to her.
I don’t wanna be in Becky head right now. I’m seeing stimming and crying and begging. It’s very overwhelming.
Not to mention she was told when she was given the room by Billie that Billie “wasn’t going to need it anymore”, which probably sounds a hell of a lot different to Becky now that she knows she was suicidal.
Also, all of what Bagge said. Billie was the first other queer girl besides her roommate who denied her she ever met. She gave her haircut money in a really vulnerable part of her life and gave her a roof over her head and a place to hang her pictures at. Becky really admires Billie, Billie is part of what gave her the strength to trust that this place would be different than Anderson, and Billie helped her out when she was reaching her breaking point sharing a bed with Joyce every night.
There was no way this wasn’t going to hit her as hard as a brick.
I think you underestimate the amount of concern that Billie has for others. It’s just that she doesn’t want us to *know* she actually cares. That would imply weakness on her part & she can’t have that.
Above comment is directed @ Idontcarenomore.
I think I disagree with you on this.
We have seen Billie help out others, and we have seen her revel in it, because it makes her feel useful again. Whether it was menial tasks like unclogging the garbage chute, or solving a lovers’ tiff… Or for that matter, her desire to help Walky get together with Dorothy. I think she clearly expressed that she cared about these things. And I also think that she very happily entered into that role, mainly because it made her feel popular again.
And therein lies the rub. She did those things for herself as well as for others. Now, if that had been her only MO for being/feeling popular, that would have been the end of it as far as I am concerned.
Of course, the drug of popularity is powerful, oh-so-powerful, and Billie has not been above doing less charitable actions to feed that drug. BUT, Billie has been seen to slowly realise this herself since starting university. And that is of course a good thing…
…except that slowly weaning herself of this drug has also turned out to be somewhat painful. All that dopamine and adrenaline produced as a head(?) cheerleader is no longer readily available. Coming to university must’ve been like going Cold Turkey for Billie. Perhaps it is small wonder she would seek out even a suicidal pact, booze-filled relationship; because even that somehow made it all more bearable…
Anyway, what was my point again? I seem to have gotten into some serious rambling there.
Were you trying to say that because Billie’s acts made her feel good about herself, that she didn’t really care about anyone? ‘Cause, man, that’s a whole pudding bag full of knives you’ve made for yourself, there.
Just because a good deed makes someone feel good does not mean that good deed is purely self-serving…
This.
Good deeds can make you feel good, but they are rarely taken solely to make the good deed performer feel good and aren’t really harmful if they are genuinely helpful and wanted help by the people receiving it.
One of the big things that libertarians got wrong* about the “selfishness” of kind actions and aiding your fellow human.
*Libertarians wrong about something? Shock and consternation.
That was not my intention, no. It was rather to show that Billie did not try to hide the fact that she was helping out people. In fact, she enjoyed being known as the helper.
And note these words:
“And therein lies the rub. She did those things for herself -as well as for others-.” So no, I never said she did not care about others. I thought my wording made that plain enough. Less plain is me saying that I have no problems with this, but it is there, in the same paragraph.
After that came the rambling part.
Sadly, I think Joyce still doesn’t know about Becky’s mom. Hank wouldn’t have gotten chance to tell her, since Becky was there the whole time, and she obviously didn’t want to talk about it.
She has Joyce’s smile right now. Joyce acted worse when Billie was upset.
Christian Home schooled = poor boundaries . Its a theme of the comic.
Plus Joyce introduced Billie as her best Xtian friend in College.
Billie gave her a room when she was homeless. Plus the lesbian connection.
These are all good reasons for her to feel attached.
Someday we’ll find it
The lesbian connection
The lovers, the dreamers, and me
That’s also a big piece. Neither Becky or Joyce have the greatest of boundaries.
Kind of aside from your core point, but she met Ruthless twice that I recall. Once in the hall and then again at Joyce’s party.
Awww, Becky, you so adorable. You can’t keep her from dying by just staring at her.
…but she doesn’t know any other way. This is literary the best Becky can come up with to stop her friend from dying.
KRNG, OK, my heart just broke.
The worst part of this is it’s probably at least partially because Billie mentioned Ruth was under observation.
Like, to Becky, she doesn’t know how to stop this, but the fancy doctor scientist ladies think that being “under observation” can help stop a suicidal person from killing themselves, so damnitt, Becky MacIntyre will rise to that challenge and observe the heck out of Billie so that she doesn’t die.
It’s the most tragic pun.
No, that would be the pun that uncharacteristic good taste and sensitivity to others has kept me from posting but which refuses to leave my brain.
OUT FOUL DEMON! OUT!
Billie thinks she doesn’t deserve *all the hugs*, but she does.
Billie think everyone would be better of not hugging her. BECKY WILL PROVE HER WRONG!!!
I hope that Mary is defeated by hugs
Mary: Release me from your comforting grip.
Becky: You’re just lonely.
Mary: I am not, and you will release me!
Joyce: Group hug!
Mary: noooooooo!
Sounds more like Sarah!
Joyce declared a group hug.
Would YOU argue with her?
“I am being assaulted by a vile satanic lesbian!”
…. seriously, hugs are great, but ask first if it’s not someone you’re on established hugging-terms with.
I disagree. If someone *asks* me if I want a hug in a non-joyful situation, I’d say no in almost every case. If they simply initiate it though, I’d probably tense up at first but it would eventually help me relax.
Okay, fine, MAYBE someone we know reacts like de Combys. Debatable. But in general, no. Me, I tense up and DON’T untense, unless it’s someone I’m on hugging terms with. The awkward and feeling of mild violation just sticks with me all day, along with the sense that people aren’t respecting my desire for distance. If someone’s hugged me without consent, I tend to avoid them in the future.
And then there’s people who react… violently to being touched nonconsensually. I once saw a tourist in Florida break a man’s wrist when the latter walked up and wordlessly pressed a massager into his back as a demonstration of its effectiveness.
Seeking consent (and not badgering them for it) is always best practice.
At a funeral, every time someone hugged me or said something comforting made me go into full cry mode all over again. But how can I be upset at them?
Easily.
They meant well.
Not just all. Quick, someone find extra hugs hiding under the couch cushions so we can get that little bit extra she needs.
That is not how therapy works, Billie.
It isn’t, and therapy of your own volition is way, way better. But, if Billie gets a good therapist, the therapist can encourage Billie to define what she would like to get out of it, they can try to make it useful. In this case, first step is getting Billie in the door!
I’m actually super excited to see the therapy, because Billie and Ruth are probably gonna be super antagonistic about it to start with (well, at least Billie, because she’s still majorly in denial that she has any sort of problem, because to her high school mind that she’s strangled in the campus parking lot, problems are for losers).
And I’m curious to see if the therapist is decent and gets her to talk more about her stuff in a helpful way. And I kinda want them to be, because I’d love to see this be a hook for a lot of the cast to start dipping their toe in the therapy waters (with good experiences and bad). I mean, we’ll still have lots of pain and drama, because therapy doesn’t actually fix all problems in a day and make it so people don’t also have to do the long and hard activities of learning how to function with their realities, but we’ll see the hard work of them becoming people who can more fully function and do that hard processing.
There’s honestly a part of me wondering if time away from Billie in the care of a professional will be the push for Ruth that Billie never could be.
Billie, for all her intent, wasn’t going to fix Ruth (this is not her fault, obviously). You could make a convincing argument that it was Billie declaring the both of them poison that pushed Ruth into drinking again.
Billie doesn’t think she has a problem. Like Amber, she’s fine admitting that she’s a terrible garbage human being without going into specifics about it or admitting that it’s a thing she can pull herself out of. She’s not getting therapy to deal with also being suicidally depressed, she’s being forced into getting talked at, when obviously she is not the one with the problem, and what she needs to do is go back into Ruth’s room and hold hands until they finally decide to kill themselves.
So, uh, I took the title “Stock” to be related to the alt text about a watched pot (like chicken stock?) and I was confused.
Nope, I think it’s a reference to the phrase “laughing stock” from the first panel.
TBH knowing Willis it could be a pun.
Yeah I think it’s both.
Becky…
/hugs
Walky fussing over Billie is heartwrenching. He has no idea how to support her but he tires as good as he can.
…much like Becky, come to think of it.
They’re kindred souls.
FRRRrrt.
It’s been mentioned a few times here, that intent can mean a LOT to a depressed person. Even a bumbling fool can make a person feel better, if he means well.
Yeah, since after all the important thing when you’re having such dark thoughts is that it gets out and taken seriously. The details don’t matter so much.
He’s Walkying it real right, right here. And that’s hella touching.
I am so heartbroken for Becky right now.
me too
This punchline manages to be both funny, and horribly depressing; quite the achievement.
That describes roughly half of the DoA strips, doesn’t it?
Willis still needs to up the percentage to get past Something Positive, though.
Is nobody else worried about Billie saying: “Apparently, I’m not ‘at risk’ enough”?
Like she disagrees?
Or might do something about appearances to get closer to Ruth again?
I’m not worried about her doing something to get closer to Ruth (Since she already made it clear that was off the table), but it does seem possible that she may do something. Alternately she’s bitter.
I don’t think she would do something worse to get close to Ruth – as we’ve established, the doctors want to keep them seperate, so if Ruth was more “at-risk” they might actually deny her visits in case they try to do ‘something’ together. But I think, as a sufferer of depression and suicidal thoughts, that there’s that lingering voice at the back of her mind that says “am I not worthy of your help?” With the sense of inadequacy that Billie must be feeling right now, it probably hurts.
Yeah, that was how I read it. And it’s one of those things that you tend to cling to and internalize when you’re suicidal all the time.
Like, oh, the doctors said (actually a thing about being suicidal, but seeming safe enough to not be sectioned), so that actually means that even they don’t think I’m actually really suicidal, so this must mean I’m making everything dramatic like my parents said. Fuck that, time to give in to the dark thoughts.
Hell, one’s brain finds all sorts of tricks to fuck with you when you’re depressed, getting you to believe that support networks are all just inches away from leaving you at any time, that statements of support are irritations you’re best avoiding, and that the future looks a helluva lot more depressing and hopeless than it actually is.
Especially with that, “augh, useless therapy” thing.
(Other hopes: Billie has her first therapy appointment and the counselor is actually helpful and also validating.)
There are lists that professionals use to determine your risk of comitting suicide. It’s normally a very slow process that takes many years. So you can think about suicide a lot and hate yourself but not really be at risk for comitting the act. Hence why they told her that she wasn’t in immediate danger but still needed therapy.
I think that the shocking thing for Billie will be to learn that she was only ever an isolated and despised figure in her own head. Except with Mary but Mary despises anyone and anything that is not so similar to her as to be hypothetically usable as a mirror, so she doesn’t really count.
The important thing will be to find the right balance between support and respect for independence so that Billie does not feel stifled and even almost institutionalised. For example, what Becky’s doing is just creepy.
Meanwhile, something tells me that we’re not going to be seeing Ruth again for a while, unless Willis does another time skip.
That’s very true. Most other people regard her with awe (in the case of two certain doofuses), pity and at worst annoyance.
I think Alice’s words on their impromptu reunion left quite an impression. It was around then that her arrogance keeled over, but her confidence went with it.
Yes, that rejection hurt a lot.
Yup, it was even her central argument for entering into the sexy lesbian suicide pact with Ruth, because in her eyes if she was with poison, then only by being in a relationship with someone who was also poison (and in her mind being a depressed alcoholic queer woman equalled poison) could she actually be with someone without destroying them.
And yeah, I’m also kinda holding out hope that the little Queer Underground that’s been forming around Becky will also surreptitiously reach out to Billie as well and try and show support. Especially since it’s also gotten out that Mary was blackmailing them about their relationship.
Yeah, at the very least I’m expecting after she was taken to the health center/”wait, Ruthless? YOU and Ruthless? That is… an interesting romantic choice there.” at least one person’s going to have some questions. Hopefully even phrased in such a way they don’t immediately set Billie off.
Too many feels…
oh becky your eyes they’re giving me feels ;-;
I feel so bad for Becky. She’s already had to deal with her Mom attempting suicide and now her friend who gave her a place to stay when she had nowhere to go is in a similar situation.
So, I have been searching my feelings aboutnBecky for a whilemand I have reached a conclusion. I don’t like her. I sympathise with her and I think she is completely undeserving of all the unfair shit that have been happening to her, but I also think she have a tendenxy to forget about others, a bit and not think about how her actions affect them. I think this is mainly due to her being a rather excitited person, combined with her dealing with all the shit that have been happening to her. She is not a bad person, she have gone through a lot of shit, but I just don’t like her, mostly because she reminds me of people I know, who do stupid things at the expense of everyone else. I hope this long thing wasn’t as confusing for you as it was for me to write
It’s kind of sad to view it from the perspective Becky thinks of Billie as an awesome friend while Billie wants to help but doesn’t quite really like Becky.
“…unlike my mom”
The Shark named Billie has just acquired a perky, red-haired remora.
Yay for a reference to the quantum zeno paradox!
Hahaha aha h this is the most I’ve ever identified with a single comic strip. I… Definitely have been Becky before
I don’t think Billie is creeped out nearly as much as she just feels super awkward and guilty that she still hasn’t found a place for Becky to stay.
Ouch, yeah, I really hope that’s what Billie takes from Becky’s attention but in the self loathing state of mind she is in, that might very well be it.
What I shout: SHE WANT’S YOU TO NOT DIE, BILLIE, EVERYTHING ELSE IS SECONDARY.
What Billie hears: You have let everyone down and they would be better off without you. Also, you are fat .
Plus, given her state, I’d say she’s very willing to take the floor and restlessly worry all night long.
Comic Reactions:
Panels 1 and 2: First up, Walky here is Walkying it in all the right ways. Like I had really mixed feelings about him the last couple of strips, but here is him at his best and shows what he’s really capable when he’s knocked out of his “I’m too cool for school and emotions” High School dude pose. Like, he ran to check up on her and has probably been nervously glancing over at the door this whole time to make sure he didn’t miss her coming out. He cares so much for his little sister-like-person and it’s heart-melting.
Also major props for asking about Ruth even though he doesn’t like her and is probably still stewing over her because he knows she’s important to Billie. A+ brothering.
And oof, Billie.
First up, yay therapy. No really, I’m really excited to see some of the characters starting therapy and getting on that road to having a little less noise cluttering up their attempts to acknowledge and process their stuff. And also her having some anti-depressants hopefully soon so that eventually she won’t have to rely on booze as her only coping strategy.
Also, I think therapy tends to go under-utilized in works like these, because people seem to labor under the misperception that they magically make you better faster and don’t actually begin a long drama-filled process of confronting a lot of one’s darkest demons and slowly building a life which is filled with dramatic potential.
Second, *all the hugs offered* to Billie for that last dig at herself, thinking that her not being put under observation is a statement denying her depression and suicidal ideation. And because she can’t support her loved one after finally reconnecting while she goes through her long dark teatime of the soul.
That’s how depression often kicks one’s ass, by constantly undermining one’s self-esteem and making it easier to internalize everything and use it as a tool to fuck one’s self up later.
Third, fuck the fucking fuckers who use things like admitted depression or queerness to target someone. I see it enough against friends of mine who are being harassed online and I’ve been through it myself as someone who doesn’t shy away from talking about my queerness and struggles with depression. It happens too damn often, often enough to correctly assume she’s probably going to be whispered about and may even be more targeted by the likes of Mary or Mike (who knows her secret).
Comic Reactions, the second half:
Oh, Becky…
Hands clasped like she’s trying to literally keep herself from exploding apart or like she’s praying to her lesbian gods that she isn’t too late to keep her from dying. Eyes locked and shiny like she’s inches away from crying, rictus grin holding the thread-bare fraying rope tightly across the collapse that’s so eminent.
You know that behind those eyes she’s playing back every ghost of her mother, discovering her, going to hospital, finding out she discovered her too late, being yelled at to not talk about it with her best friend by the abusive dad she no longer had even a little protection from. And it’s ripping her apart.
And Billie, legitimately unnerved, largely because to her, without context, this feels like a confirmation of her greatest fears (oh, yes, let’s all stare at the suicidal freak, why don’t we, like I’m a rat in a cage). In high school, she probably had to deal with stares and whispers behind her back a bit, especially after she crashed her car and had her cheerleading role stripped. More so, if Alice was also in the car and it was rumored that they were together.
And that last panel. Becky is broken here. Her smile is gone, her shoulders have fully hunched, her boundaries non-existent. She’s hit her physical and emotional limit right there and it’s understandable why. She found her mom too late, a mom who committed suicide, and so she can’t go through that again. She just can’t take that, so she’s going to try, she’s going to do all the things she feels she should have done back then and damnitt this time she’s gonna succeed.
Just vainly following the idea that “being under observation” somehow helps, and hoping that this is how you do that and it’ll be enough. Because Billie was kind to her. Billie gave her haircut money. Billie was the one of the first queer girls she ever met. Billie gave her a roof and a room and a bed when she really needed them.
And in her eyes, Billie never returned to her room. She may not even know that Billie was blackmailed. So in her eyes, Billie gave her this awesome bed and said she wouldn’t need any of her space anymore, and then went off and now both Billie and her gf turned out to be in a suicide pact together, planning to die (or at least that’s how it’s probably going in Becky’s fears).
So in her mind, it’s someone given her everything to have nothing left to hang onto when they die. And that’s gotta haunt her. Because you know based on those flashbacks panels that Bonnie was probably the type of suicidal person who would have made real sure she gave Becky one last great day before going through with her suicide. Taking her out someplace fun and awesome. Letting her feel super loved, so that Bonnie could check out with few regrets.
So to Becky, this probably feels like her mom all over again. Like all that kindness was just one last goodbye and she completely missed it all, just like last time, and this time, she nearly lost another person she cared about because she was so hyperfocused on making sure Joyce didn’t become the person to repeat her mom’s path*.
*I’m suddenly realizing that Becky’s insistence on coming along with Joyce and not wanting her to go off on her own didn’t just have to do with her dealing with PTSD and knowing that, but also fearing that Joyce’s sudden change in disposition was a sign that she was at risk for killing herself (a sign that may have indeed been the case if Joyce had gone home and had faced her mom wanting to pull her out of college with no Becky to defuse).
Becky has been through far too much in the last month and a half, I’m hoping her dino gf can cuddle her sometime this early week and let her know that she’s valued and important too and that she’s allowed to break down and cry if she needs it.
You take a funny comic strip and make it heart-rendingly sad.
I think Willis does at least 90% of that job for me.
The other 10 is commenters relating painful life stories because they see it reflected in the strip.
“And this one time, at band camp, I tried to kill myself.”
Seriously, SO GLAD Billie’s getting therapy and Ruth’s being treated seriously but ugh, all the Becky hugs. All the Billie hugs. All the telling Mary to fuck off. All the SUDDEN REALIZATION OF OH BECKY OH JOYCE AUGH HUG EVERYONE.
Here’s another $20. Now GO AWAY
+1
That’s not how Schrodinger’s Cat works! Those stupid home-schooling science text books get everything wrong!
My heart is breaking for Becky here. 🙁