The giant banner under the comic navigation is correct! A week from Saturday I will be in Maryland for SPX, with books and arts for you!
Discussion (403) ¬
[ Comments RSS ]
The giant banner under the comic navigation is correct! A week from Saturday I will be in Maryland for SPX, with books and arts for you!
Loading ...
OH GEEZ OH GEEZ OH GEEZ
IT BEGINS AGAIN
Sometimes sex is like beer, but other times it’s more like pizza; Even when it’s bad, it’s good.
Kinda like the feels in this arc.
I would have to disagree. I’ve had very bad sex, and afterwards there were not enough showers.
Uh no. I’ve had extremely bad sex, and I’ve had pretty shitty pizza.
Whenever it is bad pizza or bad sex, both can leave a bad cheesy, oily taste in your mouth
Not… enough… brain bleach…
I can’t speak for everybody, but one thing pizza has over sex is that I have never had a pizza that resulted in it burning when I pee.
I had extra spicy pizzas before which caused burning at both ends.
You can find a way to ruin things for everyone, can’t you?
Mongoose just needs more hugs.
HUGZZZ!!!!
But, Mongoose, that’s burning when you poop, not when you pee.
Candyman, it’s not that Plasma Mongoose finds a way to ruin things, it’s that Plasma Mongoose finds the ways in which things have already been ruined, and then lets everyone know about them.
This is a public service.
I guess someone has to be the guy who tells people things they never wanted to know.
Bill: I’ve had Sriracha-flavored chips that actually caused burning when I peed.
Try some of my extra-special chili – my own recipe, Uncle Animal’s Patented Bowel-Basher Chile. Tastes great but you’ll think you’re shitting napalm the next morning.
Cold pizza is delicious.
Cold sex is worrisome.
Words of Wisdom^^^^
You obviously haven’t had some of the pizza’s I’ve had. I swear the British the British have making crap pizza down to a fine art.
After bad sex you will never be clean again.
After bad pizza, your toilet will never be clean again.
While the analogy holds that bad sex and bad pizza are similar, it fails when it claims either to be “good”.
HOLD ME, THECANVASHAT
HERE COMES THE PORN-STACHE
But she needs them to live…
Like Ethan could even get it out, she survived 18 years of brainwashing and she’s still got some free will.
That’s cuz’ free will comes from the heart!
And emotions come from the pineal gland!
No! Free will comes from the brain because will is what they’re trying to wash off when they do the brain washing. But Joyce’s will is a stain that won’t go away!
Thankfully, Joyce’s parents always went for the bargain brand stain removers.
I checked Wikipedia, but it mentioned Amygdala, whom I’m fairly positive is a Batman villain, so the entire veracity of that article is called into question.
The amygdala is actually a part of the brain that helps, I believe, control certain emotions. The character of Amygdala from DC is an Arkham inmate who had that part of his brain removed in an experiment, with hopes that it would eliminate his rage. The result was quite the opposite.
Blunt, also a cigar made of Marijuana.
As in: Ethan’s mother needs to smoke a blunt.
Of course, you define “Free Will” as “agreeing with GoldStarz”.
I’m not sure it’s disputable that Joyce’s parents want to control both her behavior and thoughts – there is a narrow window of belief and action that is allowed, and trespassing outside of that invites censure and heavy hands on the head.
I thought they came from giant space bugs trapped inside giant lanterns that are all colors of the rainbow.
That’s what the pineal gland looks like.
I had a dream to that extent, except it was dinosaurs, not space bugs.
NO!
SLAGATHORS!
And here we thought Ethan’s mom was bad.
Holy crap, Saul speaks!
We now know that Saul isn’t a prop with a speaker, which is, arguably, just as shocking of a reveal as the Amazi-girl one.
I always thought Saul was just a grown-up Ethan. With a moustache.
Saul is gay?
That does seem to be what he’s saying here, is it not?
That’s how I read it, too.
That’s definitely how it reads. But he doesn’t have to be gay; he could be asexual. Or just, you know, the absolute opposite of attracted to Ethan’s mom.
Him being a self-deluded gay WOULD explain Ethan’s mother’s flaming denial of her son’s homosex
My impression was more that Saul is trying to suggest that the reason things didn’t work with Amber on prom night was due to first time anxiety issues. Most boys, after their first time, will claim that everything went smoothly, but it’s highly probable that a lot of them are lying to cover up that they couldn’t get it up, couldn’t finish, finished too soon etc because they think they’ll be laughed at by the boys who did everything right (and are probably lying for the same reasons).
Of course, we know it had nothing to do with first time anxiety. But that’s the impression I got, not that Saul is gay or asexual.
I don’t know. Awkward and disappointing are a pretty far cry from gross and scary.
Rex, awkward and disappointing are a pretty far cry from gross and scary indeed, but Saul might just be repeating words that Ethan himself said.
True, Rex. I might’ve underestimated the seriousness of those words.
Or asexual.
Far more subtle, of course, is the moustache development hiding behind his character development
I was 75 % sure he was just a cardboard cutout.
You thought Amazi-Girl was just a prop with a speaker?
Some one is eloping real soon right?
Sorry God is not in please leave a message after the beep……Beep.
“Hank, we’ve gone over this. God doesn’t want to hear from you anymore. Now hang up before He files that restraining order He talked about.”
“Oh alright, fine. Lets just meet our little girl’s new boyfriend.”
“Our little girl’s gay Jewish boyfriend.”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! best comment in the list.
Well, this will be interesting…
If by interesting you mean “best 5 strips so far” I agree
I know, I can’t wait, I literally cackled when I saw the last panel of today’s strip.
OH… This will not end well.
From a certain perspective, this can *only* end well.
Did….did he just talk?
“IT’S ALIVE!”
…there are so many awful ways to take Saul’s comment, for both sex and alcohol, I don’t know where to start.
I prefer alphabetical order.
Sounds like Saul is talking from personal experience.
This really makes me wonder if Ethan is gay due to genetic inheritance, and his dad has been gay all his life. It would explain why the hell he’s looked like he’s had his soul crushed every time we’ve seen him. Not that just being married to that woman wouldn’t do the same to a straight man, but still…
“I mean, I think about dudes all the time, son! Why do you think I married a woman who looks like that dashing pizzaria owner down the street?”
Thank you for this comment.
oh no, Saul you were perfect as a wall but now your just like
Naomi. FUCK YOU.
Naw, he’s just married to her. if I was married to her, I wouldn’t have the guts to challenge her either. The idea sounds potentially fatal.
Behold the imperfection that is being a human.
I really don’t take badly to Saul that much, especially not compared with the other bad parents. Also since its hinted he might be gay as well.
Now take a look at the situation….Naomi is in denial about Ethan being gay, while Saul likely knows its true. Saul wants to be supportive of his wife and son. Saul knows that Ethan does not ‘want’ to be gay, and Ethan doesn’t identify himself by his orientation, even though its true. He established that to Mike at the Chick-fil-a.
I, even as a devout Catholic and Conservative, do not have much problems with Gay marriage. I always considered the sin of ‘lying to yourself’ or ‘not accepting how God created you’, a much bigger sin then the sin of marriage between two of the same sex. Especially since the latter is based less on morality and more on tradition.
Saul loves his son. He wants him to be happy. Optimally he wants Ethan to know the joys of having a family. Ethan has not found a gay partner he really likes. Ethan has, on the other hand, formed attatchments with two girls, one who was caught in the middle of it and has moved on to just being friends, and one who accepts it. (not for the right reasons, mind you, but that will come over time). The only problem is the orientation.
Dating a girl does not make him ‘living a lie’, ‘living a lie’ would be never getting in a relationship with a man or marrying a woman he doesn’t like at all. Neither is the case. Marrying a girl he likes but is not sexually attracted to and having a family will not make his life a lie nor make him necessarily miserable. Gay or not, Ethan is not Joe, his life is not ruled by his dick.
So until Ethan finds someone who makes him truly happy sexually and emotionally, Saul will encourage Ethan into pursuing the closest route to happiness, which is currently Joyce.
I figure God wouldn’t have made gays if he wasn’t okay with. But yea, I hate more on Ethan’s mom than Dad.
I read “painful” as “pawful.”
So much for Saul being an okay parent. AND NAOMI STOP SAYING WORDS.
I don’t know. Saul is clearly wrong, but he at least seems sincere and a bit apologetic. He’s not good, but he may be ok.
The mother is actively aggressive about it.
Good intentions =/= good parenting. You can be the sweetest, kindest, gentlest person in the world, but it doesn’t mean anything if you can’t properly look after your kid.
It seems like he has the idea that Ethan believes he’s gay because he didn’t enjoy sex with Amber… He doesn’t seem disappointed that Ethan’s gay, just unconvinced… Thinking in perspectives is weird…
I’m under the impression they didn’t actually get to the sex. More like they were at the foreplay stage and Ethan was all “ick, I’m not into this at all”.
When Ethan said “vicariously horny”, it looks like he knew exactly what he meant.
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, finally my popcorn was beginning to get stale. Sit back and watch the trainwreck people.
If that’s Saul’s view on sex sounds like he might have a secret too.
Or he’s really not into beer? I know I’m not.
I asked a friend once why he drank beer, and he said (like Saul) that it’s an acquired taste. But why would you want to go to the trouble of acquiring a taste for something that gross??
Around here, because it’s cheaper than pretty much everything else except water, and also relatively healthy (until you overdo it) – made of good water, some vitamins, …
Yeah, that’s what I was thinking, too. Hmm…..
Well, maybe there’s a reason Ethan appears to be an only child. (Is he an only child?)
I wonder if they’ll do it in front of both sets of parents
Why am I now picturing some weird Dothraki like scenario where the Siegels sell Ethan to the Browns in return for an army?
Howard would approve, he missed that episode.
But it was the FIRST one!
That’s why he missed it. It wasn’t until the next day that all his friends were saying “HOLY SHIT DID YOU SEE GAME OF THRONES?!”
Yeah, he didn’t know it was gonna be A Thing until later.
Oh, this is going to be fun.
Jeez, some people. Homosexuality isn’t a condition you can cure by having lots of sex.
What if lots of sex cured other things, though? :O
Like cancer!
Better not take chances.
LOL
Oh,.. who am I fooling? That dragged me out of the dumps,.. I’m chuckling like a dirty old man,… Thank you for the “Mike-Like” comment.
It sounds funny, until you consider that there are people in the world who think lots of sex (especially unprotected sex!) cures AIDS.
Well, apparently it can help prevent prostate cancer. And it’s probably good for your cardiovascular system, plenty of aerobic exercise, after all.
…. wow, that says…. a lot about Saul, I think. Or is that just me, maybe?
It’s not just you.
If it says “he may be deeper in the closet than his son” then no.
So deep he’s in a closet in Narnia.
I think it says that Ethan’s Mom is a bad lay.
saul you are officially awful
I enjoyed the hell out of it the first time.
Thirty-six years ago this summer, in fact.
I like to believe you throw a party with cake.
The cake is a lay.
Who’s in the cake though?
YOUR MOM.
(Come on, tell me nobody saw that coming>)
I always see your mom coming.
You baked a person in it?! An hour at 350?!
And streamers, and those long balloons (cause they look like condoms, but not really), and maybe a video…
Too much?
There is no doubt in my mind that her (she?) most certainly did. This is the only way it should be.
The Gospel according to ME
Amen.
HAPPY ARBOR DAY 2009!
I’m pretty sure that encouraging your kid to drink beer and have sex is the opposite of good parenting.
It sounds like some wacky hijinks are about to ensue, kids! Watch the uber-conservative-insane Christian parents walk in on their daughter’s gay boyfriend being told by his parents to fuck her brains out!
Gay, JEWISH, boyfriend.
SCREAMING NOW
In other news, ETHAN YOU’RE REALLY ATTRACTIVE PLEASE TAKE OFF THAT SHIRT.
…erm, I mean, take it off so you can put on a different one. Yeah.
I think only learning experance from ethan and joyce have sex is joyce learning how to covincingly fake an orgasm.
and possibly Ethan learning how to fake an orgasm as well.
If there’s anyone that Ethan could convincingly fake an orgasm with, it’s Joyce.
NOPE
NOOOOOOOOOOOOPE
Hopefully this doesn’t last too much longer, or you might run out of NOPE to give.
Darnit Ethan’s dad. I wanted to like you…and then you opened your mouth.
The only time he opens his mouth is to stick his foot in it.
This is why Marcie is the best character.
Well…more so then he previously did!
But yeah I was hoping Saul would be more understading then Naomi
…Boy was I wrong!!!!
I’ve noticed that happens with a lot of people.
He just likes banging his wife. If he disagreed with her, she might withhold certain things.
Judging by what he’s saying now, he might not even like that.
And yet, the bed is softer than the couch. Which she’s spread broken glass on.
Actually, I DO like Ethan’s dad. He has his belief that homosexuality is a sin, and yet he’s not a dick about it. He’s trying to convince Ethan, but he’s not being harsh: he seems sympathetic. And remember, he’s doing this because he thinks it’s in the best interests of his son.
I don’t have requisite number hands or faces to preform the *facepalm* required to display my dismay and displeasure.
I may die from these shenanigans. =O
THE EYEBROW, IT IS NO LONGER RAISED.
Also, preparing for explosion in 3, 2, 1…
It is just so high it is under his hairline. If the other eyebrow ever appears… run for the hills and get cover.
So wait, he’s comparing women to alcohol? This WILL probably be an interesting conversation then.
Pretty sure it’s SEX with women he’s comparing to alcohol.
Pretty sure it’s sex with women he’s comparing to drinking nasty bitter beers, not yummy creamy fruity liqeurs.
Extra emphasis on the Fruity and Creamy parts….
Very Creamy.
Mmmmmm.
On the other hand, when it comes to alcohol, mixed drinks are kinda lame.
Whoever thought putting sugar with alcohol was a good idea was wrong.
I’m given to understanding mixed drinks were invented during the Prohibition era, due to the illegally-produced alcohol being too nasty to drink straight.
D’oh boy.
This is going to end up being the most awkward of all awkward-sex that has ever been shown in a webcomic ever, isn’t it?
Yes. Because the parents WILL be watching.
…with video cameras.
I hope one of them talks to Roz to borrow the camera, so she can give them pointers on making it a merely terrible experience rather than a life-altering, psyche-destroying catastrophe.
I think with this couple, that’s the best even she could do.
See bobby? This is the thrust that made you.
I’m not sure if we should hope that it gets that far, so we can experience that level of awkward, or that someone manages to knock some sense into Joyce and Ethan before it gets to that.
Yeah, he’ll lay a hand on her, she’ll lay him out with a punch.
Blaine shows up and walks off with the worst parent award. But wait! Some of the other parents aren’t giving up without a fight!
Who wouldn’t want to win the worst parent award when you can win a Winnebago. 😛
Pretty sure Blaine locked that in but the silver medal is up for grabs!
Is Saul condoning underage drinking/getting drunk?
I mean really, comparing beer to sex? What is wrong with this Family!?
Or maybe Saul has to get drunk in order to do his wife, and thus this is the way he talks about sex.
Ok between parents who want their son to fuck until he’s straight, the abusive violent father and the parents who don’t approve of their daughter’s atheist friend, I can’t pick which parents are worst.
I still gotta give it Blaine. The others are manipulative, and occasionally emotionally abusive, but physical assault takes it to another level.
That being said, godDAMN these other parents don’t want to give up without a fight.
Blaine isn’t a lock for the gold yet. I don’t think we’ve seen any hint of a parent sexually abusing any of these kids but you never know what DW might have waiting in the wings. FSM knows it’s not all that uncommon.
Shit Tualha, I hope to God you’re wrong.
Have to admit, none of the kids seems screwed up enough. Has DW used that theme in any of his other strips? Maybe he doesn’t want to go there.
I can’t think of any other Wallis comics that went there, but that doesn’t mean it won’t. And, you’re right, that would knock Blaine right off the pedestal (and hopefully, into a tank of sharks).
That being said, goddammit Tualha. Way to bring me down. 😛
From his commentary on recent Roomies! reruns, I suspect he doesn’t want to go there.
Not for a female character, anyway.
That’s actually a good question.
To answer it, we have to ask ourselves: What’s easier to cure?
Mental abuse or physical abuse?
What is easier to realise as a abuse, what makes the child think, the hate was his/her fault?
I don’t realy know, if there is an answer, but I know, that you should never compare pain and pain (or abuse and abuse).
I think, Amber knows already, that her father is a dick and it’s not her fault and that she has to move on.
But what about Joyce and Ethan? They most likely think, it’s their fault, that they are a “dissapointment” and all and that they need to be exactly, what their parents want them to be.
In the End, all of them had realy bad parents. And it’s a god damn wonder, they didn’t went psycho. But who has the worst parents? I have no fucking clue.
I’d say physical just because of the PTSD issues that arise from exposure to terror.
Well, IIRC, physically abusive people are almost always mentally abusive, and Blaine was certainly trying to belittle Amber. So, for me, Blaine wins The Dumbing of Age Arsehole Parent Lifetime Achievement Award.
At the moment Blaine is still running away with the gold and the Browns are holding on to the silver, but Ethan’s parents don’t want to settle for the bronze and are making a push for second place.
I think it depends on whether Blaine gets a major deduction for getting thrown by Ruth. It could come down to the artistic interpretation.
This is Willis we are dealing with, don’t forget people. He hasn’t introduced the worst parents yet, and they will be the clear winners.
As previously stated, parents sometimes out of love can say some truly dumb things. The mental image that comes to mind when I try to grasp the possibilities of this meeting is a grainy black and white film of children hiding under desks while the jingle “duck and cover” plays in the back ground. At this time please stow all lose items and assume crash positions.
The door opens and all anyone hears is “Plow her like the Amish plow the fields in the spring! Don’t you stop until that ground has been fertilized and I have a grandchild on the way! You know what? Keep going. I want to make sure.”
So one pair of religous nuts wants their kid to have premarital sex as fast as possible and the other one wants their kid to stay clean for JHW knows how long. COMEDY GOLD!
If only the context wasn’t so awful…..
I smell wacky hijinks!
And by wacky I mean depressing and hijinks I mean trauma.
After this I’m predicting 2 years of therapy for both kids and 2 nights in prison for at least one parent…
Oh God! Oh man! Oh God! Oh man! Oh God! Oh man! Oh God! Oh man!
Well…this is gonna get awkward!!!
I can see this as Ethan cracks under pressure confessing that he can’t change who he is and Joyce’s parents gets insulting mad that she even hung out with Ethan despite knowing he’s gay. This causes Ethans parents to see how shitty they’ve been treating him and defend him, having both parents get in a heated argument…
Or worse comes to worse both parents agree that Ethan is a mistake…
Or they all fornicate.
Man, I was hoping Saul would be the Silent-Bob type, where when he finally breaks his silence, it’s profound. Not this horseshit. If you don’t like drinking beer, that’s no reason to force yourself to drink it a lot to learn to like the taste, that’s a reason to switch to rum and whiskey.
Or perhaps just water? In any event, the possibilities are endless.
Yeah, I never saw the point in drinking beer either.
Saul you have somehow for one instance made both beer and sex unappealing. For that statement you deserve neither beer nor sex.
He’d probably be pretty okay with that.
Hey look. Josh still hasn’t escaped his parents.
Oh you know why. Ethan x Joshua will happen. It’s their fate.
YOU WERE RIGHT
I am beginning to suspect where Ethan got the gayness.
So, is THAT what goes on at those gay-cure camps I hear about? They just have you bone women until you enjoy it?
That sounds like the setup for a wacky teen comedy. Some virginal dudes think this is true, and pretend to be gay so their ultra-conservative parents will send them. Lessons about tolerance are learned, and hijinx ensue.
Lessons about tolerance of the gay community in a raunchy teen comedy? What magical fantasy utopia do YOU live in?
Gallifrey…or was until it got burned.
What do you want to bet, that SAUL went to one of those camps.
Thank God there is talk of getting it outlawed in the US.
You may want to rent a movie called “But I’m a Cheerleader.”
Does it end in sexy lesbianism or painful charicture building. We are going for a gayer/openly gay american pie. I’d do Stifler.
Exactly the movie I was thinking of. I don’t know how realistic its portrayal of reparative “therapy” is, though.
Implosion imminent!
…sounds to me like Saul’s trying to justify having not left his wife for a man decades ago
On the bright side, his repression has led to Ethan…?
Glad I’m not the only one who thinks so.
…and that it took a lot of beer to handle it. Or else ending up paired with her was the result of too much beer to begin with.
This reminds me of an old Australian sketch comedy where one of the characters pretended he didn’t find beer repulsive because everyone else was drinking it, but he kept spitting it out on reflex.
I concur with everybody saying that Saul has a secret. Probably a very sad one.
I do want to point out all the people talking about the Worst Parent Award that saying “Naomi’s homophobic and a terrible parent, but Blaine’s an abuser” seems to ignore the fact that some of the shit Naomi’s done to Ethan should qualify as abuse.
Telling your kid he’s a disappointment? Refusing to show him any love at all unless he conforms to your preferences for his behaviour – preferences not based on his own well-being but on your feelings? Attempting to manipulate him into unhealthy behaviour with guilt trips and references to God? These are some pretty heavy signs of some emotional abuse. It’s very possible that it didn’t start until a little over a year ago, and I doubt she’s physically abusive, so Blaine still probably wins. But I just wanted to remind you lot that physical abuse is not the only kind.
Well said.
This needs to end in a Blaine/Naomi Epic Hatefuck.
Yeah, it’s also kinda vicariously rapey to force someone to have sex with another person against their will. Even ignoring Ethan’s homosexuality, she’s still telling him to do Joyce regardless of Joyce’s thoughts on the matter. It’s very telling that she tells him to “fuck her brains out,” and not “fuck your brains out.” Granted, the first line makes a bit more sense grammatically, but clearly her intention is not the typical parental message of, “you’re gonna do it, and you’re gonna like it!” Like when you pressure kids to live your dreams for you or to eat their vegetables. Her intention is strictly to get Ethan to get himself into Joyce’s pants, by any means necessary, and I don’t think she cares whether either if them wants it or likes it, but Naomi will derive vicarious satisfaction from it. I could almost see her being like, “my son’s so straight, he didn’t take no for an answer. Twice!”
And here I thought Saul being severly repressed gay was a joke theory. Somehow, I don’t quite feel so much like laughing at him any more. Instead I just pity the man, and I’m not only hoping that Ethan learns to accept who he is, but that Ethan’s journey can inspire Saul to learn to accept himself as well.
Saul is obliviously gay and he’s going to have an affair with Joe’s Dad
I now want an edit of the Joe’s Dad/Amber’s Mom comic where it’s Joe’s Dad/Saul. (especially the “Oh my!” panel)
Best Case Scenario: Ethan x Joshua
Worst Case Scenario: The Siegal’s and The Brown’s leave them alone and everyone starts talking.
And Saul speaks, too too bad.
This is going to be a masterpiece of…..
To echo Keroshino “Oh God, Oh Man….”
And to echo Tough Guys Don’t Dance, “Oh man! Oh God! Oh man! Oh God! Oh man! Oh God! Oh man! Oh God! Oh man! Oh God!“
Oh hey! Somebody got the reference! 😀
Oh god I hope he doesn’t actually take there advice to heart. I don’t think he would, but at the same time I keep imagining how much it could destroy Joyce if the one guy she totally trusts not to attack her suddenly starts pressuring her for sex.
Wouldn’t be surprised if she took it as God saying “Listen to your parents about these people being bad for you” in response to their taking their argument to him.
Yeah, I’m hoping this just eventually results in Ethan realising just how fucked up this entire situation is.
So the families are going to interact… this is going to be fun…
A Dozen Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than Sex:
1. You can enjoy a beer all month long.
2. You don’t have to wine and dine beer.
3. A beer doesn’t get jealous when you grab another beer.
4. If you pour a beer right, you’ll always get good head.
5. A beer always goes down easy.
6. You can have more than one beer in a night and not feel guilty.
7. You always know you’re the first one to pop a beer.
8. You can have a beer in public.
9. A frigid beer is a good beer.
10. A beer doesn’t change its mind after you’ve taken off its top.
11. Finishing a beer in 3 seconds is something to be proud of.
12. A beer won’t slap you in the face for putting it between your legs at a drive-in movie.
Pad this list with some in between fluff and pictures and you got a Cracked article.
If it was a CRACKED title it would be something like this:
“12 Secretly Mind-Blowing Reasons Beer Is Better Than Sex”
Hey Plas, is it true that beer tasted like piss? I never tried one so I wouldn’t know.
At the very least, many beers look like piss and in some cases even smell like piss but the taste is far more subjective.
(Note: I have tasted beer/wine/burban/rum/whiskey in my life but I have never liked the taste of any of these things, hence why I am a teetotaller)
That You Won’t Believe Are Bullshit.
*ahem*
The 12 most insane secretly mind-blowing reasons beer is better than sex that science can’t explain (and/or explained by science)
Why not both?
I got something better than sex and beer. It’s called IMAGINATION *does rainbow motion with hands*…I am such a loser.
Doctor’s waiting room. A Catholic priest and a Mormon bishop walk in. They know each other slightly, say hello. Waiting a while, start to chat. Eventually:
“So, bishop. Ever tried a beer?”
“Eh, well…once. During my missionary years. It was alright. Nothing special.”
“I enjoy beer. Nothing as refreshing as a cold beer after work.”
The bishop nods politely and doesn’t say anything. A few minutes later:
“So, father. Ever been with a woman?”
Plas makes some good points. Of course I have yet to try either.
OH NO, I feel like running around with my hair on fire. I cannot imagine any good coming of this. Any at all.
maybe if we’re lucky, they’ll just kill each other and leave their kids to screw themselves up on their own
“Never mind what you want, or feel – at this stage of life, you exist solely to give us more babies to replace you.”
My god I hope this ends in a fucking disaster, I hope that this is going to be a moment in the dumbing of age highlight reel
Now all we need is Mike
Mike is all we need.
Mike is what was needed. It’s too late for that. He wouldn’t have the gumption to stop a train wreck.
There’s still plenty of time for Mike to get Ethan’s dad drunk and fuck him, showing him what he’s been missing and dragging him, kicking and screaming, out of the closet.
All you need is Mike
All you need is Mike
All you need is Mike, Mike
Mike is all you need.
I can’t be the only one who was thinking this.
Mike is everything we need.
SAUL SPEAKS..3 SENTENCES THIS TIME!
Sounds like Saul is speaking from experience…
Saul knew that he really REALLY needed to take up drinking to handle being married to her. 😛
Joyce, darlin’, literally zero chance of that happening.
Oh my. THOSE parents again.
BRACE FOR IMPACT.
It’s like the unstoppable hatred meets the immovable ignorance.
Something’s gotta give. Something’s gotta giiiiiiiiiiiiiiive”gotta bet on Ethan giving in on this one. Something terrible will happen. I guarantee it.
Omg this is a thing that is happening
I was hoping for better from his father…..I relay was
And now, by actually wanting to get Joyce to have lots of sex with him Ethan will be just like every other guy who would only date her to get into her pants. I wonder if she WOULD sleep with him if he told her it was to try to get rid of his gay. Ugggghhhh…… On the bright side maybe none of that will happen just because these parents are about to meet and perhaps cause an immediate cataclysm.
I see what you did there. What’s the plural for cataclysm?
Parents Weekend…
The 2012 Republican National Convention comes to mind…
I’m trying to decide what metaphor would work best for the emotional crash that is about to occur.
Right now I’m torn between an emotional Titanic, or an emotional Hindinburg.
Thoughts?
Hindenburg would fit best. Titanic is a little romantic for it to be accurate. The Hindenburg was a shocker and resulted in immediate destruction rather than the prolonged death of the Titanic.
Except this won’t be remotely shocking. Everybody saw the iceburg heading for the Ethan/Joyce ship from miles off.
But we shall play on until it has sank and will never let go! You hear me! WE”ll never LET GO!!!
Well, they didn’t.
Oh You are so the Billy Zane of this analogy…….
I think Mike could fill that role, actually.
mike is the iceberg
Yeah. Luke/Leia would be a better fit for the Hindenburg.
…..they were over confident Nazis?
In my book Titanic. There will be a moment when they realize just how far away from any hope of rescue they really are.
The way Ethan is looking down in the 3rd panel, it looks to me like he is staring at Saul’s fallen eyebrow.
Hey, his metaphor is perfect. The fact you have to get a taste for it is really, really stupid, so you should be just drinking the things YOU LIKE TO FUCKING DRINK. He’s secretly telling Ethan that his mother is terrible and that he should do what he wants.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Also, fuck beer, drink an alcohol that actually has good taste to it.
Like schnapps.
Hypothesis: Saul is a closet case.
I’d believe that.
Would explain his constant expression of silent suffering.
Possible. Also possible that their marriage is waaaaay past it’s sell by date and he’s just going through the motions.
I think you are correct
Experiencing something until you like it isn’t a good thing. It’s called “Stockholm Syndrome.”
Naomi: The Budweiser of Wives
These are not parents, these are time bombs. And when they go off, expect no one to survive. Except Sarah and all the other people who hid in their shelters.
BRACE FOR IMPACT
The real twist later on is when we find out that not only Saul is gay but his father and his father’s father have all being gay.
“THIS HAS BEEN PASSED DOWN THE SIEGAL LINE FOR GENERATIONS!”
How else can gay men hope to pass on their genes, it’s not like MPreg is a real life thing after all.
Well, they could be gay and still do women…it’s just that they were forced to do it…or they could swing either way.
*poses, sparkling*
Hm… Ethan must be thinking, “I have DNA from both of these people…Why?..What does that say about me?…”
Actually, I’ve heard the “acquired taste” thing about beer and wine too. And the first couple times at sex *can* be awkward as you’re not really sure what you’re doing. So I can (very vaguely, mind you) see where this advice is coming from.
But to suggest this type of correlation between having some drinks to get used to drinking it socially and having sex to convince yourself you like girls is obviously (to us) *way* off. Even if Ethan’s sex with Amber was awkward, the attraction would have still been there if he was straight.
All this awfulness being said, I actually have more hope for Ethan’s parents changing than I do for Joyce’s parents. I’m not entirely sure why. Maybe because Ethan’s parents’ bad beliefs are based more on a social norm (in a society that’s constantly changing) than a religious norm (in a system that *never* changes to a destructive degree)
Either way, I just really want to give Ethan and Joyce a big hug for the trauma they’re about to go through 🙁
“Wait, she’s CHRISTIAN? Oh fuck THAT Ethan! Back to square one. Back to square fucking ONE.”
This is the conversation I see coming. Dun dun dun DUN.
That would be golden.
“Joyce, not only are you hanging out with a filthy atheist, but you’re dating one of the people who killed our Lord and Savior?”
“Let’s take it to God.”
I laughed way too hard at this. WAY too hard.
Egads, y’all are right… they’ll all get hung up on the fundamentalist thing.
Otherwise Naomi may not have minded it too much if Ethan simply just “used” a regular Gentile girl to learn to like it; the stereotype of that sort of mother is that if you must, have fun with a Shiksa, just don’t ever MARRY one.
This explains so much about beer.
I mean I haven’t tasted it a lot because alcohol makes me a mass murdering psychotic, but from what I know beer has the single most disgusting flavor of anything people would voluntarily put in their mouth. Always wondered what everyone likes about it.
There are so many things, that taste just so much more disgusting than beer.
Also, it’s like a lot of things in life: Either you like it, or you don’t.
Also, no offense or something, but maybe you should talk with a therapist about that second personality of yours… you know, just in case…
Oh, I’ve talked a lot about it with some of the smartest people in the world. It was more of a problem in my younger days, but there’s nothing to worry about. Excepting if someone spikes my drink, but that’s not a very big problem in most places I go to. . .
Well, let’s see. Ethan eventually admits he’s gay to Joyce’s parents — who are also religious fundies and will hope that association with Joyce will also “turn” Ethan straight….just without the “fucking her brains out” part.
At least until they find out Ethan is, um …. “experienced”. Joyce will then be lucky if she’s not transferred out of IU and into Anderson before midterms.
So straight sex is like beer? No wonder I prefer mojitos instead.
This explans why I like German women.
It’s probably a really good thing that Joyce’s parents aren’t as much like their Walkyverse ones… because really guys the worst case scenario is that Naomi and Carol team up on the YES GIVE ME SOME GRANDBABIES RIGHT NOW WE’LL TIME YOU front.
Women are like beer:
They look good the smell good and you’ll step over your own mother just to get one!
Not only are his parents idiots they also have terrible taste. Beer is for people that don’t no shit about good alcohol and sex would be medicore at best and just gross most of the time if it was like beer.
What?
Beer is the most important thing Man has ever created
It has saved us and made us better
Here a Discovery Channel doc to prove it
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdwYjFnFoJU
I thought sliced bread was the most important thing Man has ever created…well that and porn.
Slice bread is greatest thing since beer.
And porn wasn’t really a creation of man.
I really want this to play out like some kind of ridiculous soap opera. Like, we find out that Sual is actually having an affair with Mr.Brown, while Mrs. Brown is pregnant… With Dr.Rosenthal’s child.
Wow, a lot of people on this thread who tried the wrong beer and wrote off the entire world of beer, regardless of style or brand. Kind of sad…
Thanks man, I was beginning to think that everyone on this thread were all against beer…
They’ve probably only drank brand name beers…
I never tasted beer…or any alcoholic drink for that matter.
That sounds disturbingly close to “you just think you’re gay because you slept with the wrong woman.” I know that’s obviously not the intent, but this comic has made me start comparing women and alcohol unconsciously.
I’m sorry, am I obligated to try every kind of beer in the world until I find the one I like? How is that supposed to be beneficial?
I think that it’s a side effect of living in the U.S.A. In Europe even the cheap beers are drinkable.
Well, I wouldn’t call Stella Artois drinkable.
The wrong kind? No, every one of the dozens of kinds of beer I have tasted has been vile. If you’ve got this holy grail of beers that everyone will like, stop beating around the bush and put it out there. Till then, BLECCH.
The closest I’ve come to a “Holy Grail” beer is Lindmans Lambic. It’s a variety of fruit beers. I have yet to find anyone who doesn’t like it.
http://www.lindemans.be/start/home/en/
Ah. So Saul -is- gay.
And deeply deeply closeted.
Poor guy. I know a few like him.
The ones who divorced their wives after they realized they’re gay are easier to deal with than the ones that want to mess around behind their wife’s back…
Alright: In all seriousness, I would read the hell out of some sort of comic that had everyone’s parents living in the same apartment complex or something. “Middling of Age” or something.
They don’t -need- their kids to bounce off each other in wonderfully horrible ways!
Meddling Age!
oof! wth y’all!
Aren’t these people just WONDERFUL????
Yeah as wonderful as having to eat hot and spicy cactus while your balls getting hit by a rope.
Actually, some varieties of cactus are used in Mexican and southwestern American cuisine. A quick google search for “hot and spicy cactus” even brought up hot and spicy cactus jerky, of all things.
The ball hitting thing, though. Yeah, we like to avoid that…
Nopalitos are delicious
If the day ends with Saul exiting the closet, slamming the door shut, locking the door, breaking the key, burning the closet, mixing the ashes in with a batch of concrete used to make a phallic sculpture, mounting rockets on the phallic sculpture, launching it and sending it head first into the sun, all in the most faaaaaabulous manner possible… then that would almost be worth all the shit that’s been happening since last sunrise.
Today’s Sinfest is oddly apropos.
http://www.sinfest.net/archive_page.php?comicID=4748
I can see Naomi going violently insane if something like that happens
He does not need to exit the closet any more. Where do you think Naomi got the notion that abysmally bad sex can drive a man into homosexuality? Heck, he’d probably have claimed to be into armadillos if it helped.
still on course with my life story.
I’m not going to get a Disqus account just yet, but I just had to say the hover text for today’s Shortpacked is THE BEST EVER. 😀
Sorry for crossposting. Won’t be a regular thing.
Holy Spit? I’m actually feeling sorry for Joyce even more,…
Ech, I hope this doesn’t end with Ethan feeling he has to pressure Joyce into sex in order to please his parents… not only because pressuring sex on someone is a scummy thing to do but her wanting a sexless relationship is why she chose to stay with him in the first place.
And I can see this happening because Joyce has a heart,.. And she has already fantasized about Ethan,.. If he prods her (pun intended) it’s going to happen.
I also think it will mess them both up,..
In a perfect world they’d both be fine, but their relationship would be messed up so they can grow out of their comfortable lies and get on with their lives.
Omg, this has just enough catastrophe + learning experience in it to be possible! Willis, if you’re reading this, please stop!! Erase your memory now!
So long as it happens whilst they’re all there, in the room, watching…
Erm. Sorry. Did I really just type that?
In any case, I sense a massive fistfight brewing between the “No Premarital Hanky Panky!” and the “Fuck Her Brains Out!” crowd.
If they were both into it then, yeah, it’d be fine. But a) Ethan wouldn’t be, he’d only be doing it to please his horrible parents, b) Joyce seems like the type of person who’d only sleep with someone before marriage if she thinks the relationship will actually progress to marriage and beyond… which most definitely won’t be the case.
Basically, if it was a result of chemistry between then, unresolved sexual tension or whatever then fine. As its set up it’s a potential trainwreck, particularly with someone of Joyce’s upbringing.
I mean, she already has difficulty justifying being friends with an atheist to herself (something which her parents aren’t helping with), if she ends up sleeping with a guy, only to find out he both doesn’t love her and that it was effectively meaningless… Chances are she’ll see herself the way that Naomi sees her, and that’ll be really sad. 🙁
I see this strip like a Romeo and Julie story arc. Ya know, Ethan being Juliet and Joshua being Romeo.
If you flipped that around you could claim that in this situation Joyce is Paris. Not to mention, it makes more sense that way in hindsight.
Well this will quickly escalate to the moon…
HE HAS A MOUTH
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
Willis, you ASSHOLE! 😀
So, at what point does Ethan stop wishing to be Batman and decide that Tommy Elliot had the right idea?
Or Black Mask. Black Mask did kill his family, right?
Not sure about Black Mask, though you may be thinking about Black Hand, the guy who triggered the whole Black Lantern mess.
“Straight sex, beer and listening to your mother are all things I found horrible when I first tried them. But if you work hard enough, you can convince yourself they’re not.”
*glee*
There are about five (completely different) easiest ways for this to blow up spectacularly, about three easyish ways for it to not blow up, and lots and lots of complicated ways for there either to be blowing up or a lack thereof. Either way, it should be incredibly amusing/interesting to watch.
Will not be surprised if the next strip cuts to somewhere else entirely.
Other than that, I am amused by what this strip slightly implies about Ethan’s father, namely where Ethan gets it from (if there’s any relevant genetic basis involved, though a coincidence is also plausible)
Ha! Thanks, Willis, my time has come!
*grabs the popcorn*
There we go.
So Ethan’s dad is most likely a closeted gay. I suspected it, but kinda wish I hadn’t been right, though.
Saul, why did you start talking?…
So … sounds like Ethan’s dad is at least a Kinsey 5. Maybe he’ll come out in a few years, and then commit suicide by jumping in front of a truck. Ethan will go on to become a famous cartoonist and eventually write a graphic memoir about him.
Awkward scale force: INFINITY!
Sex is more like ice cream: most people like it, there are a lot of flavors to choose from, and vanilla is the worst.
I like vanilla ice cream.
Vanilla is my favorite kind.
I’m a terrible person, I know.
Forthcoming is one of the most prospectively destructive family encounters since Gendo Ikari boned Ritsuko’s mom.
Is it just me or do all parents just seem so very dislikable? Why is this?
Drama?
Saul seems like a pretty cool character.
To be fair, we haven’t really met Stacy (Amber’s mom, last seen going off with Joe’s dad, though that turned out to be a good thing since it spared her from encountering Blaine) properly. I feel like he’s trying to make us decide Joyce has the best parents out of all the characters whose parents we’ve met.
I feel like Saul might be describing his own sex life with Ethan’s mom here.
I was about to post almost the exact same thing.
I don’t know if it’s been mentioned yet, but what if he’s describing his sex life with Naomi, but he is “Joyce” and Naomi is “Ethan”? He’s not a closeted gay, he married a deeply in denial gay woman?
Woah.
Now “FUCK HER BRAINS OUT” sounds even more vicariously horny.
oooooh i like this theory
Headcanon reset !
My mind has been blown.
He does say that Naomi speaks from a painful truth, not that he does. I think you might be on to something since it would give Naomi’s actions some depth.
THIS is where the archive stops? Here?
Blargh!
Saul, you had a good thing going. Your wife made you look better by comparison, you had our sympathy…
Now I’m just ordering cruise missiles into Indiana, and that’s not even a real place.
Sigh. Could we switch back to a slightly less contemptible parent? Like Blaine, maybe?
Well, in case Ethan does take his mom’s advice, the kids’ll have the time of their lives.
Omigosh… the angst will be magnificent!
It’s funny that the comic portrays parents as being invested in their kids romantic lives to this degree.
Oh jeez, these last two strips have been a riot.
First an atheist BFF, now this! Clash of civilizations commencing in 3…2…1…
No, Ethan’s dad! I thought you were cool! I thought it was just the mom that was evil and controlling!
Also, Sal should hold an escaping out the window workshop for these kids. She’d make a killing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WvufFwdqMzg
… Michael Buffer: Let’s Get Ready To Rumble!! …
that’s playing in my head when reading this comic…
I *love* how bad this scenario is!!!
… Well, THAT hurt to read.
Um there are two sets of parents that make me sad for that generation.
Oh. Well there goes the hope that his dad was at least good at his job…. They’re both just kind of bad…
Man, and I thought JOYCE had horrible parents. Jeez.
No, Ethan. DON’T listen to your dad’s advice unless you want to end up just like him.
Oh wait.
Joyce, stop bringing awkwardness everywhere.
– But it was already awkward before I got here.
Then stop making it more awkward for everyone.
I WILL SEE YOU AT SPX GOOD FRIEND.
I’m imagining the first thing Joyce and family say to Ethan is “Game of Thrones”.
Thank you. Now I’m imagining it too XDXDXDXDXDXDXD
I can’t get into this. The dialogue… it’s so unnatural and unrealistic, to the point of absurdity.
This is hilarious. It is like an inversion of Joyce’s mom from the main Walky-verse.
Why is it, since Willis has insisted from the start that this is a stand-alone comic and totally unrelated to the other Walky-verses, that people insist in trying to connect DoA to the others?
Um…because he used the same character models? Because half the fun of having a multiversal narrative is the differences and similarities between characters? It’s like when an actor plays a completely different role than usual, and excels at it. I believe we get to marvel at the changes.
Or in this case an actor plays the exact same role, just in a reboot continuity. Because none of them are actually different personality wise.
Best case scenario: this ends in flames and Joyce and Ethan don’t end up like Naomi and Saul.
Worst case scenario: Joyce’s and Ethan’s parents get along beautifully.
Wait, the two families are about to meet! I don’t think the university, or the city, or the universe, will survive the upcoming explosion. This is going to be great. Now who is bogarting all the popcorn?
In the walkyverse this would summon The Cheese.
Things won’t explode until Amber spots them again.
Nah! We need to add the Walkertons, Wilcoxes and Blaine
…then things will Explode!!!!
By the way, Mr. Willis, your “latest” button doesn’t seem to be working correctly, it takes me about 6 clicks to finally get to the last panel.
I keep mistaking Ethan Sr. for Joe’s dad.
The big differences is one is clearly so far in the closet he does not know how to get out and the other is Joe’s dad.
I expect Amber’s mom and Joe’s dad back from out of the closet any minute now.
I grock what Ethan’s dad is saying. “Like a Virgin” by Madonna always confused me since my reaction to that song was, “You mean it’s awkward and horrifying?”
omg that hovertext. omgkjdflak.
This really is an emotional storyline. Stuff like this is why I let my minor relatives know I’m the cool aunt and they can live with me if their families reject them. 🙁
…Sounds like someone has personal experience with what he’s talking about. :/