I think she’s manic right now. Like, their relationship is less healthy than a stick of deep-fried butter but this is new heights of crazy out of Ruth, and given the sudden painting of her room…
Not a medical professional but not sure if her meds are meant to be mixed with alcohol at this stage either. Right now the combo might be making her higher then a kite.
Her meds shouldn’t be mixed with alcohol EVER. Alcohol is a depressant. She is on an antidepressant. The meds will be pulling her in one direction while the alcohol will be tugging in the other direction. At best, the alcohol will counteract the medicine. At worst, she can die as her body shuts down in confusion.
Alcohol and ibuprofen is safe, though 🙂 it doesn’t interact with NSAIDs, which I was very glad of back when I’d get bad cramps every month. ..and back when I wasn’t fscking immune to most NSAIDs.
Yeah, those are two different definitions of “depressant” being conflated. What’s more likely to happen is the alcohol will enhance some of the meds’ side-effects, like drowsiness, dizziness, nausea… IIRC the biggest risks are liver damage, or her CNS being depressed enough to stop breathing.
One of my migraine meds was an antidepressant, and I had to be careful with alcohol while on it. After I’d gotten used to the meds and done some careful experimenting, I’d sometimes use small amounts of watered-down alcohol to give the meds a short-term boost so I could be social for a hour or two. If I had even one sip too much, I’d instantly feel massive nausea.
A mania reaction to antidepressants is a relatively common symptom of being bipolar as opposed to depression without being bipolar. Not sure I’ve really seen enough to speculate on this for Ruth though.
Right now it could still just be because she hasn’t finished adjusting to meds. People have said that when their emotions came back, it was at full blast at first.
Bipolar disorder alone would also not explain the crying/very low mood because the antidepressants would still counter against depressive episodes even if triggering hypomanic/manic ones. And, hypomanic/manic episodes would have been happening still even before now – which could explain part of how she used to go from :3 to -_O in two seconds flat with people, which we thought was just comedic timing at the time.
So it isn’t impossible that she is bipolar but more time would have to pass to know for sure it isn’t just med adjustment.
Yeah, I’ve been wondering about that. Maybe she’s a good actor, or maybe it was just the spite – but mania would explain the utter confidence she displayed in the femur collection department.
Actually, it could. Antidepressants fuck bipolar people up. Something something something pushes you into mania something something something. This is actually pretty strong evidence she’s bipolar, not depressed, and unfortunately mania is usually when people figure that out. I feel bad for her. Based on myself, she’s in for a bad time. Well, bad when she gets to deal with the consequences of her manic actions. Right now she’s probably having a blast.
I am aware that it messes people with bipolar disorder up, but I don’t think bipolar disorder alone explains the episode where she was just crying about a lot of random slights? I mean, I could very well be wrong, and feel free to tell me if I am, but I thought the main issue with antidepressants and bipolar disorder is that it would trigger hypomania/mania episodes? Which would make the crying more like a part of the med adjustment during a period between episodes, then she cycled straight back into hypomania/mania? Because the antidepressants would still be mitigating depressive episodes and affecting her mood in between episodes right?
If I’m off base in thinking that, then feel free to explain/correct me.
An important factor for that particular episode is that Ruth never grieved for her parents, she just felt numb about it. Then got shunted to her rot of a grandpa and, well, got more damage there from controlling behaviors. Continuing damage. She’s /stuck/ in the place that will give her a good resume. That’s never fun.
I don’t have much experience with bipolarism other than my brother being suspected but not willing to go to therapy to test it, but depression is in my wheelhouse, and repression, and freaking alcoholism culture. I’m pretty sure once her brain got a dose of real, actual seratonin she freaked the fuck out because she hadn’t had a chance to before. Because she did not feel good enough to know bad. In the void and utter dark, there is no shadow, because a shadow needs light, that metaphor works. Basically, she was so suppressed and twisted up tight inside that it never occured to her that freaking out would solve anything.
Well it does. It gives you closure. Eases the constant internal pressure that threatens a blowout, that she could only vent as anger and aggressive caring for folks. I counted that as a win. This though? Flip this moment. I’ve been here before and fudge it with a wire brush. Bleach as lube. No ducks given.
This is not precisely, or at least not all mania. Definitely codependence and the sick lengths an unhealthy relationship will reach to maintain placid indemnity.
Ehhhhh it makes you high not suicidal. Maybe your issues crop up more, bipolarism for Ruth here, schitzophrenia for me. But it’s not medically dangerous other than brain chemistry. Unless she drinks a shit fucking ton like an… alcoholic.
Ehh no, depending on the antidepressant it *can* be medically dangerous even in small amounts. I forget exactly what meds I was on at the time, but there was a point where my limit was four *sips* of something like beer or cider.
The problem is that the feeling is far more slippery than she gives it credit for, I’ve had to relearn that feeling through meds, through AA recovery, through breaking up codependent relationships, etc… like 5 times at least since I turned 17 and I’m only 31 now… That’s averaging once every 2.7 years.
I want them to have a relationship I really do but gods above they make it hard to root for them when they are both so toxic together. How do you even manage that?
Yeah… similarly, a friend of mine said that now that she knows what being NOT lonely means, it’s so, so much worse to feel lonely again than it did before…
You say that like Galasso doesn’t keep a Coffee of Doom esque broadsword under the bar. (And his desk, and the maitre’d counter, and the pizza oven, and the bathroom sink…)
I don’t know what it says about me that I had to google “crosstops.” Or rather I think I do know what it says about me, and I’m actually kinda glad, because alcohol all on its own was almost more than I could deal with.
The high-level individualized ones tend to be named by adding an x to their former self’s name, and then scrambling the letters – Sora becomes Roxas, Lea becomes Axel, etc.
Wait so she’s on medication while should face drunk? You know what Ruth Billy’s right this what’s a stupid thing to do. I know this is a romantic gesture but damn.
She’s an alcoholic, the first thing that an alcoholic does when feeling good is take a drink. The first thing they do when they’re feeling sad is take a drink. Essentially, our whole brains are wired to rationalize and excuse our way into our next drink. I’ve been sober 1 year, and I still have to stop myself from buying a six pack at the corner shop at the end of every week.
No. The other way around. With the meds she can feel better, normal.
When alcohol dulls them, it’s okay because she can still remember what it’s like.
Which is a lie. She’s lying to herself there.
She’s saying that even if her meds get dulled, it won’t matter because she now knows what baseline normal feels like and can just remember it and will herself to it.
Which is not how that works but it’s what she seems to think will work.
Yeah. Remembering what happiness feels like can be super useful for convincing yourself to do self-care when you feel like shit, but you’ll still feel like shit. And that’s not exactly what Ruth’s trying here anyways.
Not to mention depression’s nasty little trick of hiding all memories of happiness from a person. Like, you think, when you’re on an up-swing that you have all these happy memories and then on the down-swing you can’t even remember what it is like to have any feeling at all except pain.
I’d love to see them work as a couple, but it’s hard to want it when it’s obviously so toxic. Like, maybe if they actually got help for their substance abuse.
There’s a thin band of hope that seeing this from the outside will give Billie the push she needs to seek help and counseling, but I suspect more that this will be the final broken string on them being together instead.
Yeah….yeah. This does not change my mind. I wish these two happiness. Given this scene, I wish that they go work toward recovery, or happiness, or contentment, or stability, far away from each other. Maybe not forever. Maybe their love can triumph in the end. I’m not trying to torpedo anyone’s ship. But right now? These two have to find a way to stop this pattern, and soldiering on as a couple doesn’t seem to be working.
Its generally not encouraged for 2 addicts to be together in recovery because when one relapses they pull the other with them and its kind of a never ending cycle of relapse or just plain giving up at some point. This is a comic tho so who knows.
Make sense. That’s why, as harsh as it may sound, I want these two to seek recovery AWAY from each other. I don’t mean that in a gleeful way, to wrench apart a ship to spite people. I think it’s what they both genuinely need to get some stability. Space away from the pull of their toxic dynamic that they keep trying and (as of this moment) failing to fix and/or overcome, time to build healthier personal support networks instead of isolating themselves in their lesbian suicide pact or secret RA-Student relationship or in the aftermath of Ruth’s suicidal state, and time to work on themselves for themselves, not for the sake of trying to keep the other one from capsizing. They keep trying for each other, and that’s not a bad thing, to a point. But they keep cycling back to these same issues because that is the basis, backbone, and constant of their relationship, even in the good times. Maybe to break from that cycle, they need to stabilize separately instead of with each other, temporarily or otherwise. Not because they’re bad people, but because even with their best efforts, their relationship isn’t functional this way.
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
a medley of extemporanea,
And love is a thing that can never go wrong,
and I am Marie of Romania.
— Dorothy Parker
Oh come on, Bagge! Loading up on alcohol that dulls the meds that theoretically keep you from wanting to die has NO POSSIBLE foreseeable downsides. I say full speed ahead! 😀
I dunno, it sounds an awful lot like they’re recommending a sex therapist, so it seems like they’re promoting a combination of both fucking and therapy.
Some people just want it all, and damn the consequences.
Speaking of, do you want a bite of my 18 ingredient cassarole?
Only if those ingredients are potato, onion, broccoli, tomato, green and red peppers, ground beef, mozzarella, havarti, provolone, milk, butter, garlic powder, sea salt, black pepper, natural flavor, artificial flavor, and red dye #34.
I think Willis is saving that for the “You Stupid Motherfucker | DoA Complete Omnibus: Author’s Preferred Edition”. I think he’s still on the fence between titling it “You Stupid Motherfucker”, “Butts”, and “Soggies Still Rule”, though, soo.. we’ll see.
Wait, I fucked it up. It’s “does everybody understand”, not what I said. I hate being sure I remember lyrics, listening to the song for its own sake, and then realising I’ve been saying them wrong for like a decade.
I remember, the week of my 21st birthday, sitting in a bar and thinking, “I feel human for the first time.”
(A year and a half later, I was sectioned, and in the intervening decade I’ve done things to my liver that would raise Prometheus’ eyebrow. Not to mention the 21 months I was banned from this comment section for a post I still can’t remember.)
Theres probably something wrong with me when I have to preface a comment with “Unlike everyone else,” but, unlike everyone else it would seem, I love these two just the way they are and it would kind of be a shame if they suddenly straightened out their lives, stopped drinking and got married. (No idea if America allows same sex marriage but as someone who lives in a country where its legal I’m going with it.) Sure, if these were people living in this reality I’d want to see that, but as people living in the Dumbiverse I love them BECAUSE they’re broken and relatable, not despite it.
America has had marriage equality since the Supreme Court ruled that denying was discriminatory in a landmark ruling in 2015 (obergefell vs Hodges)
But America has a history of long term same sex partnerships, a subset of which were called Boston marriages… not legally binding, but referred to as such.
This is sad and dramatic but I’m picturing the other people in the bar who don’t know their history just rolling their eyes at melodramatic teen romance.
so. It’s kinda disappointing to see people talking about codependency like it’s a 100% bad thing. YES. What ruth is doing is stupid. And yes, Ruth and Billie have both made stupid decisions.
Alcohol and stupid decisions aside though, It’s not wrong to need another person. It’s not wrong to rely on another person. I don’t understand why people act like it’s such a horrible thing for two people to depend on each other.
It’s because what you’re describing for two people depending on each other is actually interdependency, which is, in fact, healthy. Interdependency is depending on each other, but knowing that both of you are still individuals who need to be able to be themselves on their own. Codependency is where you can’t be yourself without the other person there. One is built on care for the couple together and individually, while the other on fear that you need to be a couple to be yourself.
There’s a difference between depending and being dependent. A really big one. I do depend on my partner. Now more than ever because life kind of sucks right now. But I’m not dependent.
I was dependent of my first partner back when I was the age of those two. The difference was, I wasn’t able to stand by myself. I put his needs before my own and felt unable to exist without him.
What people said above about interdependency vs codependency with a caveat. I’m healthily codependent. What I mean by that is I wish myself and my S.O were able to be interdependent but because of health issues and our messed up healthcare system we are codependent. I have an immune disorder that has lead to a lot of social anxieties on top due to isolation. I’ve always been medication sensitive so there has been a lot of experimenting. My body does not like these and I’m useless good deal of the time. My husband has a TBI that he’s on a year and a half long waitlist to see someone about. Because his doctor didn’t put him on the list 8 months ago since “we can just keep trying to visit the crisis center for more immediate treatement”. Which – no – it does not work this way. Also medication bandaids. Again with inconsistent effectiveness. I do a lot more emotional labor than I should. He does a lot more physically for us than he should. By ourselves we’d both probably be homeless, chronically sick wrecks with zero drive. We cannot function consistently without the other one being the therapist/push/drive because we’re in medical gridlock. It isn’t a fault though. The other person isn’t choosing to give up and let the other one carry them. It’s just ridiculous that I can’t drive so we both need to do all the errands together and he literally can’t remember things when he has a mood switch and I need to talk him down through impulsive nastiness because none of what he feels will exist tomorrow.
Here’s hoping Billie has a personal breakthrough–she wants to keep Ruth on sober, but if Ruth’s going to drag herself down to be with Billie… Billie’s going to have to shape up, not for her own sake, but for Ruth’s. Of course, that’s easier said than done, but it’s a motivation for her to try.
And to be honest, I don’t think Bilile really has tried before. For one thing, she doesn’t feel like she’s worthy of being saved; for another, she probably worries how she’d cope with life’s stressors without alcohol to dull her emotions. Her addiction isn’t something she sees as a bad thing, even if it kills her. But she does care about keeping Ruth safe. And Ruth’s not going to be safe when she’s in a lesbian suicide pact with an alcoholic. If Billie can’t keep Ruth out of her life, the only way to keep Ruth sober is to stay sober herself. Refusing to stay sober isn’t just dangerous for her, but it’s selfish and dangerous to Ruth while Ruth is on the path to sobriety. I can only hope that Billie will at least make an effort to change herself, for Ruth’s sake. (Or at least stop trying to pressure Ruth into drinking with her… It is possible to have a relationship that’s NOT centered around alcohol.)
Honestly its not Billie’s job to quit for Ruth.
Ruth either needs to change for herself or Howard, and really shouldn’t hurt herself to at best prove to Billie that pushing her away does not help or at worst make Billlie believe she can’t leave.
What Billie should have done for Ruth when they were together was to make their time together not be about alcohol. She could have tried not drinking or being drunk around Ruth.
Billie could have tried to stop drinking for Ruth, ad Ruth would be within her rights dump Billie if Billie didn’t quit but its not something that can be expected.
It’s not her job, you’re right.
But if that’s what produces the motivation for her to start trying and maybe even go to that therapy appointment she’s been blowing off? I’ll take it.
Ruth isn’t hurting herself to do anything for or to Billie. Ruth is drinking because without Billie there’s no point so she might as well drink. Mostly, it’s an excuse.
This isn’t good. Ruth is going to become crazy is she alters her prescription, and it will be her fault Walky and Joyce disappear after she fights herself on the streets. I am blocking my inner shipper so I can hear my conscience, and it is saying that in real life this is horrible.
Quick turn-around from Billie here. I hope Billie sticks to this and Ruth comes to her senses? (Maybe it could even lead to Billie doing something for herself, not just for Ruth.)
Ugh I cannot stand this toxic romance and how awful it is for both parties. And I don’t know if recognizing it’s bad and hating it is the point or if the author genuinely wants us to root for these crazy kids. I hope it’s the former but I’m afraid it’s the latter.
I think Willis definitely wants us to recognize that their relationship as it is right now is 100%-no-doubts-about-it, bad, but I don’t see how wanting us to root for them to change and grow as people (if not as a couple) is contradictory to that?
And this is why talking is so much better than grand gestures.
*Sends a grumbling nasty look to all the romantic comedies that fetishize grand gestures rather than open dialogue because it makes for a dramatic film moment*
Hey Cerberus, hope everything is going well with you. As always, good to see you around.
Though I find this take of yours suspicious. I mean, what’s NOT to like about stalking someone, spying on them hidden in the available vegetation, and showing up at their house whose address they never told you in the middle of the night to blast music at full volume and say you’ll never, ever, eveeerrrrrr let them go?
You’ve been missed, Cerberus. Also AMEN TO THAT LAST BIT. As per Girls with Slingshots, the tactics in most romcoms would at worst get you a restraining order and at best get you slapped.
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“and *I’m* dying for a drink!”
“NO, BAD”
Ruth’s expression in this context is really creeping me out.
Personally, I’m beginning to suspect this isn’t the healthiest relationship.
No. What? No!
These two? Unhealthy? Never.
I think she’s manic right now. Like, their relationship is less healthy than a stick of deep-fried butter but this is new heights of crazy out of Ruth, and given the sudden painting of her room…
Not a medical professional but not sure if her meds are meant to be mixed with alcohol at this stage either. Right now the combo might be making her higher then a kite.
Her meds shouldn’t be mixed with alcohol EVER. Alcohol is a depressant. She is on an antidepressant. The meds will be pulling her in one direction while the alcohol will be tugging in the other direction. At best, the alcohol will counteract the medicine. At worst, she can die as her body shuts down in confusion.
That is not how it works.
It is very true that you shouldn’t mix stimulants and depressants, though, or mix alcohol and… well, any drugs honestly.
Alcohol and ibuprofen is safe, though 🙂 it doesn’t interact with NSAIDs, which I was very glad of back when I’d get bad cramps every month. ..and back when I wasn’t fscking immune to most NSAIDs.
Yeah, those are two different definitions of “depressant” being conflated. What’s more likely to happen is the alcohol will enhance some of the meds’ side-effects, like drowsiness, dizziness, nausea… IIRC the biggest risks are liver damage, or her CNS being depressed enough to stop breathing.
One of my migraine meds was an antidepressant, and I had to be careful with alcohol while on it. After I’d gotten used to the meds and done some careful experimenting, I’d sometimes use small amounts of watered-down alcohol to give the meds a short-term boost so I could be social for a hour or two. If I had even one sip too much, I’d instantly feel massive nausea.
A mania reaction to antidepressants is a relatively common symptom of being bipolar as opposed to depression without being bipolar. Not sure I’ve really seen enough to speculate on this for Ruth though.
Right now it could still just be because she hasn’t finished adjusting to meds. People have said that when their emotions came back, it was at full blast at first.
Bipolar disorder alone would also not explain the crying/very low mood because the antidepressants would still counter against depressive episodes even if triggering hypomanic/manic ones. And, hypomanic/manic episodes would have been happening still even before now – which could explain part of how she used to go from :3 to -_O in two seconds flat with people, which we thought was just comedic timing at the time.
So it isn’t impossible that she is bipolar but more time would have to pass to know for sure it isn’t just med adjustment.
Yeah, I’ve been wondering about that. Maybe she’s a good actor, or maybe it was just the spite – but mania would explain the utter confidence she displayed in the femur collection department.
Actually, it could. Antidepressants fuck bipolar people up. Something something something pushes you into mania something something something. This is actually pretty strong evidence she’s bipolar, not depressed, and unfortunately mania is usually when people figure that out. I feel bad for her. Based on myself, she’s in for a bad time. Well, bad when she gets to deal with the consequences of her manic actions. Right now she’s probably having a blast.
I am aware that it messes people with bipolar disorder up, but I don’t think bipolar disorder alone explains the episode where she was just crying about a lot of random slights? I mean, I could very well be wrong, and feel free to tell me if I am, but I thought the main issue with antidepressants and bipolar disorder is that it would trigger hypomania/mania episodes? Which would make the crying more like a part of the med adjustment during a period between episodes, then she cycled straight back into hypomania/mania? Because the antidepressants would still be mitigating depressive episodes and affecting her mood in between episodes right?
If I’m off base in thinking that, then feel free to explain/correct me.
An important factor for that particular episode is that Ruth never grieved for her parents, she just felt numb about it. Then got shunted to her rot of a grandpa and, well, got more damage there from controlling behaviors. Continuing damage. She’s /stuck/ in the place that will give her a good resume. That’s never fun.
I don’t have much experience with bipolarism other than my brother being suspected but not willing to go to therapy to test it, but depression is in my wheelhouse, and repression, and freaking alcoholism culture. I’m pretty sure once her brain got a dose of real, actual seratonin she freaked the fuck out because she hadn’t had a chance to before. Because she did not feel good enough to know bad. In the void and utter dark, there is no shadow, because a shadow needs light, that metaphor works. Basically, she was so suppressed and twisted up tight inside that it never occured to her that freaking out would solve anything.
Well it does. It gives you closure. Eases the constant internal pressure that threatens a blowout, that she could only vent as anger and aggressive caring for folks. I counted that as a win. This though? Flip this moment. I’ve been here before and fudge it with a wire brush. Bleach as lube. No ducks given.
This is not precisely, or at least not all mania. Definitely codependence and the sick lengths an unhealthy relationship will reach to maintain placid indemnity.
So it was the paint fumes…
Oh man that smile takes me back. That smile sucks. Just cracks and seasickness beneath it, for me at least.
Agh, at least the codependence will keep her safe tonight, but seriously I just have to root for both of them to get to a better place.
for what value of “safe“?
She’s not gonna commit suicide tonight unless by “unintentionally“ drinking while on antidepressant?
Ehhhhh it makes you high not suicidal. Maybe your issues crop up more, bipolarism for Ruth here, schitzophrenia for me. But it’s not medically dangerous other than brain chemistry. Unless she drinks a shit fucking ton like an… alcoholic.
I see your point.
Ehh no, depending on the antidepressant it *can* be medically dangerous even in small amounts. I forget exactly what meds I was on at the time, but there was a point where my limit was four *sips* of something like beer or cider.
“Now I know what it’s like to feel better. To feel normal!” is good. (Take it from someone who has to adjust meds quarterly.)
What she’s done with it? Not so good.
Was just coming here to say that, haha
The problem is that the feeling is far more slippery than she gives it credit for, I’ve had to relearn that feeling through meds, through AA recovery, through breaking up codependent relationships, etc… like 5 times at least since I turned 17 and I’m only 31 now… That’s averaging once every 2.7 years.
“Girls, we only have one grenade, you can’t both throw yourselves on it!”
Well, I mean, strictly speaking they could…
Strictly speaking they are.
No bad, both of you, this is not the way to healthy relationship. What the hell.
This is 100% how codependency forms in relationships. In that sense it is disturbingly realistic. Speaking from experience.
Healthy relationships are overrated.
No, actually they are not.
Ruth, that is disturbing and not at all how that works.
Oh Billie, no. Dying for someone is easy, it’s living for someone that’s the hard part.
Also Ruth… It doesn’t work like that. I’m sorry.
Ruth. Sweetie. No.
Nooooooo. No no no no no.
Dammit, you two codependent, toxic relationship having dear little twits are killing me.
I want them to have a relationship I really do but gods above they make it hard to root for them when they are both so toxic together. How do you even manage that?
How incompetent of them! They’re supposed to be killing themselves!
Instead they’re killing each other and now spreading to the audience.
I can remember being completely happy too Ruth. That doesn’t make it better!
At times when I’m depressed, remembering the times I was happy makes me feel worse. “Why can’t I go back to that,” I ask.
Can relate.
Yeah… similarly, a friend of mine said that now that she knows what being NOT lonely means, it’s so, so much worse to feel lonely again than it did before…
Or maybe you both could quit drinking? That sounds like a really good idea to me!
I want to root for you, ladies. I really do.
Waiting for Jason to interrupt them in 5…4…3…2…
Does he have a broom of his own or will he have to borrow one from Asma?
http://www.dumbingofage.com/2019/comic/book-9-comic/02-but-the-sun-still-shines/chase/
You say that like Galasso doesn’t keep a Coffee of Doom esque broadsword under the bar. (And his desk, and the maitre’d counter, and the pizza oven, and the bathroom sink…)
Now that you mention it, Ruth looks a lot like and Clinton. I smell a crossover!
I feel like Jason has probably quickly retreated into the back by this point.
she’ll give it the old college try
(the frequency I’ve had songs off of Tallahassee come to mind when Billie/Ruth are together has never struck me as a good omen)
Damn, this song is a punch right in the feels.
I don’t know what it says about me that I had to google “crosstops.” Or rather I think I do know what it says about me, and I’m actually kinda glad, because alcohol all on its own was almost more than I could deal with.
There’s a reason Billie is one of my favorites (and my gravatar). I loves me some melodrama!
We have similar tastes.
What did you do to your hair??
Either she lived to be old enough to have gray hair, or she’s a portait in the attic.
Option 3: My grav is actually Ruth’s Nobody, Truhx.
I’m not familiar with the fandom from which “[person]’s Nobody” is drawn from, and Google isn’t really helping?
Kingdom Hearts. Nobodies are what’s left over when a person’s heart is taken to create a Heartless.
The high-level individualized ones tend to be named by adding an x to their former self’s name, and then scrambling the letters – Sora becomes Roxas, Lea becomes Axel, etc.
Exactly. It just so happens that one of the only pronounceable variants for Ruth is also the best one for the comments section.
Kamino, that Gravatar of yours is perfect for those last two posts.
… Truhx is an unexpectedly awesome idea.
The Gift of the Totally Shit-Faced Magi
Ooh – good call!
Wait so she’s on medication while should face drunk? You know what Ruth Billy’s right this what’s a stupid thing to do. I know this is a romantic gesture but damn.
Also Billie what fuck!?
She’s an alcoholic, the first thing that an alcoholic does when feeling good is take a drink. The first thing they do when they’re feeling sad is take a drink. Essentially, our whole brains are wired to rationalize and excuse our way into our next drink. I’ve been sober 1 year, and I still have to stop myself from buying a six pack at the corner shop at the end of every week.
Kudos on the year, mate.
congratulations on the year 🙂
Congratulations and good luck for the future. 🙂
Also, thank you for a great explanation of how alcoholism feels.
Well done, Carlos! Be the anti-Billy you want to see in the world!
Congratulations Carlos! And all the positive support as you keep going.
Awesome! Congrats, Carlos!
You’re doing amazing Carlos, keep it up!
Good for you, Carlos. 🙂
Alexa, play Toxic by Britney Spears
That song is a jam.
A Slapper
A bop, even.
I don’t think I’ve ever heard that song.
It’s not bad, but doesn’t really fit here. I suggest “Sick Love Song” by Motley Crüe instead.
fuck
Maybe not in a public bar.
Absolutely in a public place. How else will they make this relationship more fucked up than it already is?
Sex in a dumpster?
So, now is Ruth being genuine or did she just set this up to get Billie to say that out loud so she can actually start dealing with her problems?
Well, she’s drinking, so …
Plus this matches basically every bit of charactisation for Ruth ever.
We haven’t seen her drink, she could be faking.
Without a real good explanation, the boozles would then basically be Willis lying to us.
She’d not faking.
And the award for most dysfunctional relationship goes to
Joyce and Ethan?
Mike and your mom?
Joe and Joyce?
Ethan considers Joyce to be a great ex, so it’s hard to see that as toxic, at least post-breakup.
The criterion was “dysfunctional”, I do think they qualified…
Yep! The word “toxic” has been used a lot tonight, and I was mistakenly thinking that was the word in question instead of “dysfunctional.” My bad.
Imagine feeling this intense over someone you’ve known for only two months.
Ah, to be 18 and in love.
On second thought, no thanks, never again.
Yeah, BTDT, wrote the songs that basically said “you stomped on my heart you bongo!”
I really don’t get this sentence
“if it dulls my meds, I can just remember!”
it being the alcohol?
Basically, she’s saying that she can remember what it’s like to feel normal while her meds are being dulled. (she can’t)
…wut?
“If [alcohol] dulls my meds, I can just remember [what it’s like to feel better! to feel normal]!”
Sounds like the dose is a little high, then.
No. The other way around. With the meds she can feel better, normal.
When alcohol dulls them, it’s okay because she can still remember what it’s like.
Which is a lie. She’s lying to herself there.
Ah. Thank you for the insight.
She’s saying that even if her meds get dulled, it won’t matter because she now knows what baseline normal feels like and can just remember it and will herself to it.
Which is not how that works but it’s what she seems to think will work.
Yeah. Remembering what happiness feels like can be super useful for convincing yourself to do self-care when you feel like shit, but you’ll still feel like shit. And that’s not exactly what Ruth’s trying here anyways.
Plus, memories fade.
Not to mention depression’s nasty little trick of hiding all memories of happiness from a person. Like, you think, when you’re on an up-swing that you have all these happy memories and then on the down-swing you can’t even remember what it is like to have any feeling at all except pain.
Apparently it takes two to be codependent.
Who knew?
I’d love to see them work as a couple, but it’s hard to want it when it’s obviously so toxic. Like, maybe if they actually got help for their substance abuse.
There’s a thin band of hope that seeing this from the outside will give Billie the push she needs to seek help and counseling, but I suspect more that this will be the final broken string on them being together instead.
Yeah….yeah. This does not change my mind. I wish these two happiness. Given this scene, I wish that they go work toward recovery, or happiness, or contentment, or stability, far away from each other. Maybe not forever. Maybe their love can triumph in the end. I’m not trying to torpedo anyone’s ship. But right now? These two have to find a way to stop this pattern, and soldiering on as a couple doesn’t seem to be working.
Maybe they can just run away together to a place where they can’t get any alcohol, like to a dry lodge in Montana – maybe?
To be dental floss farmers? 😉
Yippy-ty-o-ty-ay.
Its generally not encouraged for 2 addicts to be together in recovery because when one relapses they pull the other with them and its kind of a never ending cycle of relapse or just plain giving up at some point. This is a comic tho so who knows.
Make sense. That’s why, as harsh as it may sound, I want these two to seek recovery AWAY from each other. I don’t mean that in a gleeful way, to wrench apart a ship to spite people. I think it’s what they both genuinely need to get some stability. Space away from the pull of their toxic dynamic that they keep trying and (as of this moment) failing to fix and/or overcome, time to build healthier personal support networks instead of isolating themselves in their lesbian suicide pact or secret RA-Student relationship or in the aftermath of Ruth’s suicidal state, and time to work on themselves for themselves, not for the sake of trying to keep the other one from capsizing. They keep trying for each other, and that’s not a bad thing, to a point. But they keep cycling back to these same issues because that is the basis, backbone, and constant of their relationship, even in the good times. Maybe to break from that cycle, they need to stabilize separately instead of with each other, temporarily or otherwise. Not because they’re bad people, but because even with their best efforts, their relationship isn’t functional this way.
I don’t know what you guys are freaking out about. Ruth is smiling! She says she has a plan! This is a happy strip, okay?
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
a medley of extemporanea,
And love is a thing that can never go wrong,
and I am Marie of Romania.
— Dorothy Parker
Oh hey, you’re right! 😃
Puh, I was worried for a while there.
…that was not a very good plan.
Oh come on, Bagge! Loading up on alcohol that dulls the meds that theoretically keep you from wanting to die has NO POSSIBLE foreseeable downsides. I say full speed ahead! 😀
I joke to keep from crying. Damn you, Willis.
Damn you Willis, indeed.
Thirding the Damn You Willis.
Fourth’d.
billie, go to your therapy.
for fuck’s sake.
No, they fuck instead of therapy. That’s the entire premise.
“go to your therapy for fuck’s sake”
I dunno, it sounds an awful lot like they’re recommending a sex therapist, so it seems like they’re promoting a combination of both fucking and therapy.
Some people just want it all, and damn the consequences.
Speaking of, do you want a bite of my 18 ingredient cassarole?
Only if those ingredients are potato, onion, broccoli, tomato, green and red peppers, ground beef, mozzarella, havarti, provolone, milk, butter, garlic powder, sea salt, black pepper, natural flavor, artificial flavor, and red dye #34.
I’m down with all of that except the peppers. You can have mine.
“Ain’t never met a therapist who was worth shit.” — Sal
I do not endorse this message. But I worry that Billie might.
Billie hasn’t either.
(Because she hasn’t met any at all.)
Does this mean that Billie is Jesus?
Does this mean Ruth is Sonic?
“What ya see is what ya get. Just a guy who loves piss rocks.”
YOU SAD IDIOTS
DoA Book 9: You Stupid Motherfucker
I think Willis is saving that for the “You Stupid Motherfucker | DoA Complete Omnibus: Author’s Preferred Edition”. I think he’s still on the fence between titling it “You Stupid Motherfucker”, “Butts”, and “Soggies Still Rule”, though, soo.. we’ll see.
Oh god, girls, this is horrible! Please, find help. PLEASE.
Oh also
“Is it simple enough for you to understand, are you all still following me?”
Wait, I fucked it up. It’s “does everybody understand”, not what I said. I hate being sure I remember lyrics, listening to the song for its own sake, and then realising I’ve been saying them wrong for like a decade.
I remember, the week of my 21st birthday, sitting in a bar and thinking, “I feel human for the first time.”
(A year and a half later, I was sectioned, and in the intervening decade I’ve done things to my liver that would raise Prometheus’ eyebrow. Not to mention the 21 months I was banned from this comment section for a post I still can’t remember.)
*Appropriate gesture of support*.
I think this is the first comic strip I’ve ever seen where EVERY PANEL is a red flag.
Sounds like something a drunk would say
WOO my disaster ship has surfaced from the sinking wreckage, still pouring out a ton of water but I sees it again!
Theres probably something wrong with me when I have to preface a comment with “Unlike everyone else,” but, unlike everyone else it would seem, I love these two just the way they are and it would kind of be a shame if they suddenly straightened out their lives, stopped drinking and got married. (No idea if America allows same sex marriage but as someone who lives in a country where its legal I’m going with it.) Sure, if these were people living in this reality I’d want to see that, but as people living in the Dumbiverse I love them BECAUSE they’re broken and relatable, not despite it.
America has had marriage equality since the Supreme Court ruled that denying was discriminatory in a landmark ruling in 2015 (obergefell vs Hodges)
But America has a history of long term same sex partnerships, a subset of which were called Boston marriages… not legally binding, but referred to as such.
Aaaand Billie’s kayfabe is broken.
This is sad and dramatic but I’m picturing the other people in the bar who don’t know their history just rolling their eyes at melodramatic teen romance.
so. It’s kinda disappointing to see people talking about codependency like it’s a 100% bad thing. YES. What ruth is doing is stupid. And yes, Ruth and Billie have both made stupid decisions.
Alcohol and stupid decisions aside though, It’s not wrong to need another person. It’s not wrong to rely on another person. I don’t understand why people act like it’s such a horrible thing for two people to depend on each other.
It’s because what you’re describing for two people depending on each other is actually interdependency, which is, in fact, healthy. Interdependency is depending on each other, but knowing that both of you are still individuals who need to be able to be themselves on their own. Codependency is where you can’t be yourself without the other person there. One is built on care for the couple together and individually, while the other on fear that you need to be a couple to be yourself.
There’s a difference between depending and being dependent. A really big one. I do depend on my partner. Now more than ever because life kind of sucks right now. But I’m not dependent.
I was dependent of my first partner back when I was the age of those two. The difference was, I wasn’t able to stand by myself. I put his needs before my own and felt unable to exist without him.
What people said above about interdependency vs codependency with a caveat. I’m healthily codependent. What I mean by that is I wish myself and my S.O were able to be interdependent but because of health issues and our messed up healthcare system we are codependent. I have an immune disorder that has lead to a lot of social anxieties on top due to isolation. I’ve always been medication sensitive so there has been a lot of experimenting. My body does not like these and I’m useless good deal of the time. My husband has a TBI that he’s on a year and a half long waitlist to see someone about. Because his doctor didn’t put him on the list 8 months ago since “we can just keep trying to visit the crisis center for more immediate treatement”. Which – no – it does not work this way. Also medication bandaids. Again with inconsistent effectiveness. I do a lot more emotional labor than I should. He does a lot more physically for us than he should. By ourselves we’d both probably be homeless, chronically sick wrecks with zero drive. We cannot function consistently without the other one being the therapist/push/drive because we’re in medical gridlock. It isn’t a fault though. The other person isn’t choosing to give up and let the other one carry them. It’s just ridiculous that I can’t drive so we both need to do all the errands together and he literally can’t remember things when he has a mood switch and I need to talk him down through impulsive nastiness because none of what he feels will exist tomorrow.
Ooof man this makes me thing of my first serious relationship at age 20-21. The alcoholism, the self hate, the codependency
Here’s hoping Billie has a personal breakthrough–she wants to keep Ruth on sober, but if Ruth’s going to drag herself down to be with Billie… Billie’s going to have to shape up, not for her own sake, but for Ruth’s. Of course, that’s easier said than done, but it’s a motivation for her to try.
And to be honest, I don’t think Bilile really has tried before. For one thing, she doesn’t feel like she’s worthy of being saved; for another, she probably worries how she’d cope with life’s stressors without alcohol to dull her emotions. Her addiction isn’t something she sees as a bad thing, even if it kills her. But she does care about keeping Ruth safe. And Ruth’s not going to be safe when she’s in a lesbian suicide pact with an alcoholic. If Billie can’t keep Ruth out of her life, the only way to keep Ruth sober is to stay sober herself. Refusing to stay sober isn’t just dangerous for her, but it’s selfish and dangerous to Ruth while Ruth is on the path to sobriety. I can only hope that Billie will at least make an effort to change herself, for Ruth’s sake. (Or at least stop trying to pressure Ruth into drinking with her… It is possible to have a relationship that’s NOT centered around alcohol.)
Honestly its not Billie’s job to quit for Ruth.
Ruth either needs to change for herself or Howard, and really shouldn’t hurt herself to at best prove to Billie that pushing her away does not help or at worst make Billlie believe she can’t leave.
What Billie should have done for Ruth when they were together was to make their time together not be about alcohol. She could have tried not drinking or being drunk around Ruth.
Billie could have tried to stop drinking for Ruth, ad Ruth would be within her rights dump Billie if Billie didn’t quit but its not something that can be expected.
It’s not her job, you’re right.
But if that’s what produces the motivation for her to start trying and maybe even go to that therapy appointment she’s been blowing off? I’ll take it.
Ruth isn’t hurting herself to do anything for or to Billie. Ruth is drinking because without Billie there’s no point so she might as well drink. Mostly, it’s an excuse.
I’m really glad I truly have no frame of reference for what either of them are going through…
This isn’t good. Ruth is going to become crazy is she alters her prescription, and it will be her fault Walky and Joyce disappear after she fights herself on the streets. I am blocking my inner shipper so I can hear my conscience, and it is saying that in real life this is horrible.
Quick turn-around from Billie here. I hope Billie sticks to this and Ruth comes to her senses? (Maybe it could even lead to Billie doing something for herself, not just for Ruth.)
Ugh I cannot stand this toxic romance and how awful it is for both parties. And I don’t know if recognizing it’s bad and hating it is the point or if the author genuinely wants us to root for these crazy kids. I hope it’s the former but I’m afraid it’s the latter.
Whynotboth 🙂
I think Willis definitely wants us to recognize that their relationship as it is right now is 100%-no-doubts-about-it, bad, but I don’t see how wanting us to root for them to change and grow as people (if not as a couple) is contradictory to that?
And this is why talking is so much better than grand gestures.
*Sends a grumbling nasty look to all the romantic comedies that fetishize grand gestures rather than open dialogue because it makes for a dramatic film moment*
Hey Cerberus, hope everything is going well with you. As always, good to see you around.
Though I find this take of yours suspicious. I mean, what’s NOT to like about stalking someone, spying on them hidden in the available vegetation, and showing up at their house whose address they never told you in the middle of the night to blast music at full volume and say you’ll never, ever, eveeerrrrrr let them go?
You’ve been missed, Cerberus. Also AMEN TO THAT LAST BIT. As per Girls with Slingshots, the tactics in most romcoms would at worst get you a restraining order and at best get you slapped.
Romantic-Comedy Behavior Gets Real-Life Man Arrested
One of the first Onion stories/headlines that really stuck with me.
Good to see your avitar. Miss your analysis.
Spare a grumbling nasty look for all the politicians who fetishize TV soundbites . .
Joyce is very confused by your grumbling nasty look.
Hey Cerberus! <3
dying for someone takes very little effort, how about you make an effort and live for her instead!
yeah, but that’s a lot of effort!
Now, if I need to, I can just remember what it’s like to be sane.