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David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission @cpsc.gov ⋅ 18h
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
Tom Cox @dj-acid-reflux.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
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Malaya cheat codes
Up up down down left right left right B A ShowInterest/DislikeForThatPersonOverThere…
It IS like a cheat code! Oh, and then fanfiction is like romhacking!
It’s like the opposite of “Would you kindly” from Bioshock.
Malaya couldn’t detect the incredible directness of “Ah am sexually interested in him”?
I thought she was a bit brighter than that.
She has a huge Sal-sized weak point, though. See previous ‘thought she was attracted to JOE.’
Malaya has never been *the* brightest bulb. Like, she could snark at Mary and outwit Mary. But we also saw her attack AG when provoked and get knocked flat so we know she is easy to provoke. Her warped view of Sal, means that even though this is clearly not provoking her, Malaya still sees it as being provoked as if Sal were saying ‘that guy is hot and you could never take him away from me if I decided to get with him’.
Malaya needs to prove she’s better than people more badly than she needs anything else. Once she projects onto anybody her own belief that they think they’re better than her, she is relentless and single-minded. It’s hilarious, since she’s a fictional character, I just wish she was less true to reality.
The cynic in me wants to believe Malaya has repressed feelings for Sal.
OMG! Marcie wants Malaya, Malaya wants Sal, Sal wants Marcie’s friendship, perfect triangle.
I don’t find it realistic either but it makes for a fucking hilarious strip so it gets a pass.
Yeah there’s a weird habit on the DoA comments section where people take every single joke and remark hyperliterally, especially when it reflects badly on a character they don’t like. This is a comedy webcomic y’all. It may not be Shortpacked, but it’s still a humorous comic and you can’t take every joke 100% literally.
It’s partly because some of those jokes come back twisted around in a more serious fashion. The narrative itself takes them seriously. Sometimes.
I can’t believe Malaya is so easily manipulated like this! … No, wait, it’s pretty believable in hindsight. But I can’t believe it was Joyce and Becky that figured it out first!
They lucked out. They have most of their knowledge, such as it is, about romance from pop culture rather than learned experience. This is a very sitcom solution to the problem that just so happens to work in this instance.
keep in mind, their same background had it where Joyce was, for a time, convinced that Walky and Billie would be a good romantic pairing due to being childhood friends. So, their approach has some major blind spots.
Appears at the moment to work. May work. Will still most likely end in tears and crushed friendships.
Joyce and Becky are basically characters out of a Disney Channel original film, and as such have special Shenanigan Senses.
Like, if they adopted a puppy, that puppy would definitely win a skateboarding competition and save a rec center. If they went to space camp, they’d end up landing a rocket ship. They’ve taught so many curmudgeons the true meaning of Christmas there’s a yearly convention of them.
Joyce and Becky should TOTALLY adopt a puppy
… Those are very specific examples and I approve.
Also yeah, what Bagge said!
Blessings on your head for that. Biggest laugh I’ve had today.
Looking back, it’s actually a pretty easily flaw, and very much following Sal’s exact words. Malaya is constantly trying to or dunking on Sal, and Marcie wants to bang Malaya but is having trouble getting her attention. Point Sal in Marcie’s direction and Malaya will be compelled to “interfere.”
This is goddamn hilarious.
It really is.
I must be a soft touch. I’m sorry for Malaya and her feelings of inadequacy and for the way they’re messing up her life.
I’m imagining Sal’s thick southern accent in that fake bad acting voice people do on TV where they don’t use conjunctions and emphasize every syllable when she says “Ah am sexually interested in him” and it’s killing me
I swear I’m reminded of that one scene from the Futurama episode with the giant garbage ball.
“Now that the garbage is in space, doctor, perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions.”
“With gusto.”
Sal: Now that ah’m here Malaya perhaps ya can help me with my sexual inhibitions.
Malaya: MOVE OVER, LOSER.
I often imagine Sal as sounding like Applejack.
See also: every homeowner on This Old House.
This was first heard by some of the readership here, in the form of a Hanna-Barbera cartoon character who would declare “Ah am puzzled and perplexed”
It isn’t Hanna-Barbera but I expected that link to be a Foghorn Leghorn clip
This is basically the Heartbleed vulnerability.
this is so beautiful- and I can’t believe an evil plan designed to get sal closer to marcie is being framed as a good plan to get marcie laid
So, explain the first part of that to me? I thought Sal and Marcie already repaired their friendship.
They did.
Oh! This is WAY better than Sal just hitting on Marcie until Malaya gets jealous and Marcie gets confused.
Strongly agree! I’m bored of predictable plots where everything would be solved with a little basic communication. This is better in every way.
Wow, I have been trying for months tmarticulate why I think Malaya is a scumbag but she did it for me so easily. On the other hand this will totally get Marcie laid if that is what she wants. But I guess Sal’s question from yesterday is applicable, “An’ to what depths are you willin’ to sink?”
Yeah, Marcie might be reconsidering her desire for Malaya. But it’s interesting what’s revealed about Malaya. She finds herself inadequate as compared to Sal. It’s easier to tear Sal down than to find and build on her own strengths.
Far more obvious and damaging flaws have been overlooked for the sake of sex before.
This sounds like the voice of experience. Do tell.
Dammit, Sal, don’t ruin this for Marcie! That’s Malaya’s job.
Well, I mean, realistically… Malaya is the one ruining this.
Sal’s just making it obvious
And Marcie’ll probably still go for it.
Anything that can be ruined by a little bit of truth and insight from a friend probably should be. (Before it’s ruined anyway by less sympathetic sources.)
I don’t think anything is ruined. Marcie is just seeing what Sal’s getting at.
oof
*”Bodhisattva” concludes*
Malaya has never seemed realistic to me but I’m not concerned because this is at least quite fun to watch
I am glad you have never had to deal with a person like this because I have. There are absolutely Malayas in the world, that will hate people for no reason, harass them at every opportunity and turn every moment of existence near you into an argument. They can and do try to damage your friendships and steal your friends too. If Malaya started bullying little kids, she would be pretty similiar to one of my high school bullies.
Ugh, and this is where i realize Malaya is basically my first ex. Dude took over a bunch of my friends and then started studying math on the side because I was studying math on the side just to prove he’s better at it. Which he actually kinda pulled off. Still unsure whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Aaaaaand the weak point of Malaya’s reflexive contrarianism rears its head.
Seriously though, Sal could use this for serious hilarity if she weren’t trying to be a good wing woman.
Sal: “Ah am interested in playing in traffic.”
Malaya: “You think all those buses and trucks belong to you?”
Preacher: “We are here to say goodbye to a belo-I mean bratty young woman whose mistake was to be contrarian even if it was against common sense.”
*Malaya, back from the dead* “Think you got rid of me that easily, huh? In your dreams.”
Plot twist: this is what Marcie has been doing all along, except Sal would rather murder Malaya than shtup Marcie.
There’s definitely been an element of “I can take Marcie away from you” in this whole plotline.
*hacker fingers* “I’m in.”
*Frantically typing on the same keyboard as three other people as text scrolls by in random terminal windows opening and closing on screen*
Good. Get in there, do what you have to, and get out as fast as you can. I don’t know how much longer we can keep this firewall open.
Well, that’s how computers with AI work, right?
Is it a Venn diagram? I love me some Venn diagrams.
What about Euler diagrams? I think Euler diagrams are even more fun.
Taking a chance with the html. Wish we had previews.
Oh my God, Marcie is ACTUALLY LISTENING TO SAL ON THIS?!
WOW
I’m not surprised. Sal has always had more ego than Marcie, going back to playground days.
More like: Instead of just leaping in to protect or help her friend, she is a)checking to see if she WANTS help, b)suggesting a plan, and c)seeking Marcie’s consent for her assistance, with the caveat that she will not help if Marcie declines.
This is the same thing we are taught in first aid: The FIRST thing you do when approaching someone is to ask if they need help. If they say ‘no’ then it’s hands off until you DO get consent, even if they’re spraying blood all over the place. If they fall unconscious, then you have implied consent until they return to consciousness, at which point you have to ask again.
CONSENT is probably the greatest moral advance of the last …century or so?… and drives proponents of traditional religions completely insane with rage. The idea that they have to *ask permission* of their ~~potential converts~~ fellow citizens who are on an equal footing with them, legally speaking, drives them nuts and is quite satisfying to watch.
D’oh, forgot i’m not on reddit again. ~~potential converts~~ was supposed to be strikethrough like this (testing):
potential converts…What is a derivative music taste? I mean all music you like will have been liked by someone else first unless you wrote it and played it for yourself.
I dunno. Preferring a Fifth Dimension cover to original Laura Nyro? Liking late-20th-Century country singers without being aware of the middle-20th-Century singers they imitate? (Hey, I’m old. I have no idea what’s going on in current popular music.)
I would think derivative music taste is something along the lines of following some batch of trends instead of having some personal reason for following a particular segment of music. Think liking whatever is top-40 rock right now because it’s top-40 rock or listening to My Chemical Romance to fit in with the emo crowd. If you’ve never followed a band beyond their most popular singles your tastes might be considered more derivative.
Listening to your Spotify channel?
I think Malaya defines it as “He listens to music other people find popular, but I don’t like, which makes it too popular, ergo could possibly enjoy with actual pleasure, but listen to it to be part of a crowd”.
We might have a better idea if we had seen Guy #1. Maybe he’s wearing a pretentious and annoying T-shirt.
(Meanwhile Guy #2 has been dragged into a secluded shrubbery and is being relentlessly Slipshined.)
I’m really glad Sal just flat out explained the potential plan instead of having hijinks ensure. …I love hijinks, just not the “get someone jealous to realize their feelings” sort.
This is gonna be much more entertaining for me.
P.S. I, too, have a “NOPE” shirt.
Feelings don’t really come into it. Emotional ones, at least.
I have such a soft spot for Sal that I can’t tell if I dislike Malaya because she’s objectively awful or just because she’s awful to Sal?
Have you considered: you dislike malaya because she’s objectively awful AND because she’s awful to sal
Why not both?
Like the gif file says, “Both. Both is good.”
MARCIE HAS NOW REALIZED THE POWER SAL GAVE TO HER.
WOW.
Marcie is being tempted towards making BAD DECISIONS where MALAYA is concerned.
THIS sounds like a job for MORE TEENAGE HORMONES!
ALL THE HORMONES!
All the hormones, all the time. UgH! I hate what my body tries to get me to do, that I don’t approve of me doing. It is tiring.
Are you secretly Joyce
If I am, I am in even more trouble.
That is a scary question!
Right? Like yesterday my body tried to get me to go outside. Because it “needs vitamin D” and “fresh air”.
I went outside once. The lag was terrible.
The only bad decision Marcie’s made with Malaya is trying to be her friend. If this ends in a fling, awkwardness, and the end of a friendship, everyone will walk away richer for the experience.
I’m expecting a reprise of Mike & Ethan: Malaya realizes she loves Marcie, and Marcie was just looking for a little action.
I wonder how long Sal can keep it up, sending Malaya away to deal with posers and losers.
Probably a long time.
Maybe it can be a running gag, lasting right up until the most hilarious moment for it to be subverted.
A message for our esteemed host Mr Willis, I’m commenting using my mobile & I’m getting annoying little popup ads, despite Antivirus. Pretty sure you usually like to know about these things…
Try setting your phone’s browser to request desktop sites. You won’t get the mobile-exclusive pop-ups, just regular ads embedded in the page. I’ve made it a habit to hit Google and flip that setting on the way here when I’m on my phone, and it’s kept the un-closeable redirect pop-ups at bay.
You need to report aggressive ads to Hiveworks.
If Hiveworks doesn’t care enough to screen for them in advance, why would they care enough to respond to complaints? If Hiveworks responds, they lose twice – once in staff time, and again in ad revenue. As long as Willis doesn’t make a credible threat to leave the site, Hiveworks has zero incentive to care.
Every other time that aggressive ads have popped up, reporting it to Hiveworks has gotten rid of them. Every time someone’s talked to Willis about ads, he’s said the same thing – report it to Hiveworks.
It takes less human effort to deal with reported ads than preemptively checking them all.
Oscar-worthy!
Awwwwwwww, Sal considers Joyce and Becky to be friends.
Came here to say the exact same thing, hooray
Technically they’re just “uh, friends,” but progress is progress.
Given that a few weeks ago she defined “friend” in singular, that’s HUGE!
But I don’t know what else she expected. As Billie and Sarah and Carla can attest to, when Joyce declares you a friend you might just as well give in and let it happen. It’s not like you are going to be able to stop it anyway.
She is like Luffy, the moment she decides you are part of her crew there is no escaping.
Gotta say, I really love Marcie’s nonplussed expression in the last panel.
She sees it, all right. Now she’s just gotta process it.
“Insofar as she has any corners, because I admit, she is one curvy gal.”
I am pleasantly surprised. Hilariously obvious dialogue aside, Sal has presented her evil plan against a shitty person in as ethically sound a process and rhetorically clear a presentation as possible.
No, wait, I think I still need a couple more examples.
Okay, this is becoming seriously disturbing. Just what is Malaya’s issue with Sal?
She’s a reflexive contrarian. She’ll be a complete and utter tool just to be superior to the target of her ire. In this case, it’s Sal. She likes Marcie, so that’s usually not an issue except when Sal’s around.
Sal could probably play her into dressing up like a clown going Honk Honk with two sentences or less.
Do you mean tool as in ass-hat or tool as in object which can be used to your own ends.
As in ass hat, but considering how easy it is to play her in this strip…
…so like a textbook bully.
Everything. Because she has made up this image of Sal that is patently false that she can try to fight against and harass her for. Some people just don’t have anything better to do with their time than harass someone and try to steal their friends.
Now I’m curious to see how Malaya would react if Sal suddenly goes ‘Wow ah am one sexy woman! I’d do myself in a heartbeat!’
I love Marcie’s expression “I can’t believe I am sexually attracted to that dum-dum…”
Malaya has a concussion or something. That’s the only way I can comprehend her being this incredibly dense.
Either that, or she’s a cartoon character in a comic strip.
Malaya smooshing furiously off panel on the later half
I’m wondering whether Marcie is reconsidering whether it’s worth hanging out with a girl whose behaviour is effectively “drools when a bell is rung”, even if she does find her physically attractive.
On the other hand
Marcie signs “Sal really doesn’t like it when you have sex with me”
“OH REALLY!?”
Marcie proceeds to have hours of fun. But that scenario feels a bit ethically iffy.
Well, it is not the exact truth, but it is possible that What Sal objects to is the hours used, not the sex, or the with whom.
Naaah Sal wouldn’t even say it, or would for Marcie’s sake, the mere mention of Sal not liking Malaya doing something would make Malaya hyper-fixated on it XD
It’s a commonplace that the heart wants what it wants.
But at an even deeper level, the genitals want what they want. And Marcie’s genitals pretty clearly want Malaya.
Now comes the new question: is Malaya playing along to make Sal seem like a bit of an oaf, or is she really just that easily swayed when it comes to getting up in Sal’s grill?
Are we gonna see Sal say “Ah ain’t jumpin’ offa this bridge” followed immediately by Malaya swan-diving off of said bridge whilst simultaneously flipping Sal the double-deuce?
Malaya sees this as provoking her and is easily provoked. She would do pretty much anything to ruin Sal’s chances at anything she might enjoy. She’ll seduce that guy just so Sal can’t have him. She’d jump off a bridge just to show she’s cooler than Sal. If there is even a chance it will make Sal look bad or make Sal unhappy, she will throw herself at it.
Honestly, I can’t help but think that Malaya’s friendship with Marcie is part of some kind of a weird fixation with Sal. Malaya thus far has really made it a point to contradict Sal at every turn, or one-up Sal, or try to prove Sal a “fake”.
Oh, hello Oppositional Defiant Disorder
Oh hell there’s a word for it? O_O
Apparently! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oppositional_defiant_disorder
Hm, thats odd.
*Sal drives semi truck through Malaya’s exploit*
*Accidentally clips Ruth*
Live with defiance, all the regrets!
So, Malaya is inexpertly negging Sal, right?
*genuine slow clap for social ingenuity*
Damn you Willis, that is fudging brilliant.
Marcie’s face in the last panel is because Malaya is ripping the clothes off a random guy. Or maybe she is reconsidering the entire enterprise.
Marcie’s face in the last panel is because she’s realizing how easily she can get Malaya to shtup her. Possibly.
So just to make sure I’m understanding this correctly: Sal’s plan is basically something to the effect of, “Let me show Marcie how fickle Malaya actually is by using her hatred of me as the cornerstone, and that will kill any interest Marcie has in her?”
I was up a little too late last night so I feel like I’m missing the joke here
No, it is not. Joyce and Becky pointed out that Malaya will jump at any opportunity to mess with Sal, including sleeping with Joe just because she thought Sal was interested in him. And that the quickest way to get Malaya to jump in bed with Marcie is for Sal to pretend to be interested in Marcie.
Sal’s basically pointing that out and asking Marcie if she wants her to pretend to be interested in her to exploit Malaya’s desire to screw over Sal at every opportunity, as she can and will seduce people just so Sal can’t have them.
OK that makes a lot more sense than what I was thinking and I totally forgot what was actually said lmao. Thanks
I don’t think Sal would even have to do that. She would only have to say that the thought of Marcie and Malaya having sex would be disgusting. Within two panels Malaya would be naked and jumping Marcie right there on the steps.
You might be right but pretending to be interested is the way Joyce and Becky brought it up, and the way Sal’s using it now, so I think that’s what’ll happen if Marcie agrees.
I`m glad she`s actually discussing it with Marcie beforehand.
Same! Can’t wait for the plan to go horribly wrong anyway.
Thank you for clueing her in, Sal. But I wonder if this will put Marcie off of Malaya.
you’re saying that as if it would be a bad thing?
Hahahaha! Very clever!
Next up, Marcie signs “Let the hijinks ensue!”
Glad to know that Malya got to the bottom of that.
I don’t buy that Malaya is that dumb, but I do but that she is that reflexively petty.
What are the odds that they pretend to be into each other only to discover they are *actually* interested in each other?
Sal and Marcie? Damn slim. They’ve been friends for a long time and Sal’s never shown any hint of interest in women. Marcie might well be, in a kind of “know it’ll never happen, but …” way. Or as sometimes happens the childhood friendship might preclude that.
“You wanna f–…oohhh. Yeah, ah ain’t doin’ that, no.”