Yesterday the Dumbing of Age Book 13 Kickstarter broke $40K, which means the LAUNDRY JOYCE and LAUNDRY DOROTHY magnet tiers were unlocked! Also, obviously, there’s a LAUNDRY JOYCE AND LAUNDRY DOROTHY MAGNET tier, because, like, why would you want only one. I’m not even sure why the separate tiers exist.
Anyway! That’s the update.
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*plays “Oom-Pah-Pah” from Oliver! The Musical on hacked muzak*
And here I was singing, “Round, round, get around, Joyce gets around.”
I thought it might be going in a different direction….
That sounds like phalluses are an invasive species
I mean, according to some, they are.
Homeschool education for the win! Can’t nothin’ go wrong with that!
I was homeschooled for most of elementary school and rather liked it, though for me it was homeschooling due to Neurodivergent Parent School Trauma rather than homeschooling because of “those damn wokes”.
Homeschooling gets a bad rap because of the conservative types who misuse it as a control tool. It can work out really well for some people, generally if it’s done for reasons like “I was miserable in school and want my children not to have that experience”.
(source: was homeschooled, my 3 brothers were homeschooled, have met plenty of families homeschooling in an entirely reasonable manner through assorted homeschooler activity groups.)
I mean, you could ask your boyfriend, Joyce.
but also the new magnet reveal features the note of “no heterosexual explanation” so… maybe you could ask the girl sitting next to you to help with some sort of demo?
I would be tremendously surprised if Joe knew what it was like to have a penis inside of him.
What are Joe’s secrets!?
He’s intimately familiar with Other Jacob.
YET
Joe would just ask Danny.
somewhere Danny’s ears are BURNING
Maybe not a real one but Joe seems sexually open enough to try pegging
Joe doesn’t have a vagina, so he can’t explain that exact sensation. I can’t imagine Joyce is asking about butt sex.
Nope! Butt for the sake of comparison…~
No, though I’m reasonably sure quite a number of her fellow church girls have taken advantage of The Loophole (song is decidedly NSFW).
I knew it was going to be Garfunkel and Oates, and I don’t think anything by them is SFW.
Kate Micucci has a SFW song at least
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGlh-Tac0RI
Forgive me father for i have sinned (accidentally pressed the report button). I shall bleed a lamb at the alter tonight
46 Penises, the thankfully forgotten first draft of 47 Ronin
To be fair, she didn’t say 46 penises. Her phasing implies that one or more penises were in her exactly 46 times.
No, no, she says she’s “had, like…46 exactly.” And the last object she referred to was “a penis inside me”. To me, that phrasing implies she’s had 46 distinct penises inside her, not one or more penises 46 times.
Yeah, I feel like she’d say “I’ve had them inside me exactly 46 times” if it was the individual times any penis has been inside her, vs how many different ones
The last four are different, since you already understand Life, The Universe, and Everything.
I feel like Joyce needs to recognize virginity status isn’t an indicator of maturity. Erase that shit from your mind Joyce!
I feel like an asexual is screaming in the background, or is that just myself? Wait, is that why people always think that I am a teenager?!? Honestly though, I think that a lot of people are really bad at guessing ages unless it involves babies/toddlers/young kids. I think that it is a little easier at that age provided you have the appropriate education. As for adults, a lot of it revolves around genetics, environmental factors and personality.
Well asexuals have mostly had to go through that social pressure themselves, its one of the things that increased visibility, awareness and legitimacy is good for.
No, me too.
yes, very much so.
I don’t think it’s about being mature or not, it’s about knowing what having sex is like.
In the first panel Joyce is worried that revealing she’s a virgin reveals that she’s underage. This is because society tends to relate sex with maturity, but there are many older people who are virgins and younger people who are not. Especially as awareness of asexuality increases we shouldn’t be applying such stigmas to one’s sexual experience. Also tragically our youth aren’t being properly educated about sex and are experimenting with it at younger and younger ages if not outright being taken advantage of. Somewhat ironically what Joyce thinks proves she’s an adult might actually prove the opposite.
She’s been doing a lot of erasing the past few months, cut her some slack. Rome wasn’t burnt in a day.
I feel like America needs to recognize that. The world needs to recognize ot
i mean concept aside unless you use a lot of lube/foreplay or so or have used a lot of toys that might eventually be bigger than the average guy’s i imagine it’d still take a while to get used to having sex
interesting when they took some pop culture stuff with ppls’ grandparents being uptight about sex /talking about itexisting when they wouldn’t have had children with out it (tho i guess that’s internalized shame and pre feminist movements and stuff)
being stabbed
in a nice way
With their penis.
well, a t least it’s not knifeplay lol /shot
Don’t worry Joyce, between the way you and Dorothy are cuddling up and that “I KNOW HOW A PENIS FEELS I PROMISE” response, everyone’s still probably assuming you’re over 21. They’re also probably just assuming you’re a closeted lesbian.
Closeted? Oh, this looks closeted to no one. This looks like lesbian but bi-curious Joyce asking her bi girlfriend what sex with men is like because she wants to know.
I think if one member of an obvious F/F couple loudly and unconvincingly asserts she’s had so much straight sex, guys, seriously, she looks closeted. Very badly closeted, but closeted.
Less in the closet and more hiding behind the coat rack
Broke: invasion of the body snatchers
Woke: invasion of the body snatch (in a good way)
Bespoke: invasion of the booby snatchers
How are they getting home
Probably walking. … which might not be entirely safe.
Uber, probably.
I mean these two were likely born in a post Zoomr world but I also think they just walked here to begin with. You can’t walk yourself into a tree when drunk right? I mean you can but at least that doesn’t endanger your totally not girlfriend right?
Joyce will not stop until she knows the truth and if she were to use drastic measures, both she and Dorothy would end up knocked out, only the miracle that someone she knew would come to the rescue.
On the bright side, out is better than up, in this case. (sorry. probably.)
I hope Sydney Yus has to drive them for whatever contrived reason.
Sydney hasn’t been around in a while, I need this to happen
That would be awesome!
Sydney being their Zoomr driver seems entirely plausible and in character, actually!
Amber, Jennifer, Sal will descend on them simultaneously to drag them away. Jennifer will then try to initiate a pub-crawl that culminates in a very sloppy threeway.
…while Dorothy and Joyce look on bemusedly
–Dave, with Dorothy explaining various parts to Joyce, and teaching her some technical terms
Maybe Amazi-Girl (or Amber just wearing the costume trying to invoke her) will go out looking for them.
It’s starting to look like Dorothy is going home in a wheelbarrow tonight.
Joe will arrive, and carry them cradled in his arms like worn out toddlers. He will take them to one, or both, of their rooms, and see to it that they’re roommate(s) look after them.
well a handful of ppl know they’re out drinking so i imagine there’d be some run in with amazigirl maybe, but i imagine they can’t be /that/ far away from the campus assuming they got on foot to beginw ith
Revised answer: They’ve been through too much. They can never go back home again, because they’re no longer the same people whose home it was.
Dorothy’s devious face is cute.
Panel 3 Dorothy, panel 5 Joyce.
And somehow they will be identical to the ones she drew on the whiteboards.
Even in that state, Dorothy isn’t going to say anything and Joyce will do everything she can to get her to talk. On the one hand, I know I said we could learn new information about Dorothy and reveal her nightmare, but on the other hand, Joyce is a rookie. with alcohol and his conviction and the state he is in is a bad feeling.
By the way, even though she continues to hide her problems, Dorothy’s face looks adorable in panel 3
*and her conviction and the state she is in is a bad feeling.
I’m now wondering what in the heck would get Dorothy to talk. She looks like she’d pass out before ‘fessin up.
It is more intriguing to know what methods Joyce will use to find out the truth.
In a row?
I understood that reference
Not all of them were to completion.
Did any of them bring her lasagna at work?
AUTHORITY [Impossible: Success] – Shit. These people can’t know about your lack of field experience with the human ding-dong, that’s a classic underage blunder. You have to reassert yourself. Tell them about how you’re completely, definitely riding the cock carousel.
YOU – “Actually, I have had at least 46 dicks inside of me, and I defy anyone here to dispute this fact.”
SUGGESTION – Flawless. That’s our girl. They suspect nothing.
(Disco Elysium memes are so still cool you shut up)
They are indeed very cool! What a coincidence I find this comment just while I am in the middle of playing DE and loving it, imagining characters with voices like the skills in their heads is very fun.
I read this in the narrator’s voice from Disco Elysium and your comment made my night. Thank you <3
ELECTRO CHEMISTRY – Finally, we’re fudging letting loose.
ESPIRIT-DE-CORPS – Hush. We’re here because our sister-in-arms is hurting. We’re here for her, as she has been here for us so many times.
*Discussion of pensises commences*
EMPATHY [Formidable : Fail] – She needs us to be here to talk about penises.
ESPIRIT-DE-CORPS – We will listen to her!
ELECTRO CHEMISTRY – Fudge yeah. This is the best day ever!
Love how even Joyce’s version of electrochemistry is unable to actually swear.
Stretching inside with is dinger
Filling your void with is worm
Massaging your walls with is dong
Massaging your walls with his dong
Filling your whole void with his worm
Massaging your walls with… his dong
(My apologies, Lori Lieberman)
Haha yeah could you imagine not having had sex by the time you’re 20? Anyway my 30th birthday is coming up…hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahha
That’s increasingly common, honestly. I had sex when I was 18 or 19, I’m sort of hazy on the exact timing since it wasn’t really treating with enormous gravity by me, but I’ve got numerous friends who are 30ish who have not had sex.
Oh yeah. I don’t recall exactly when I first had sex, but it was like, 28-29 at the youngest I think? The first time I had had ANY sexual contact with another being was like, the year before, and that was very, very minimal. Also the first time I successfully dated someone like, at all. Before that, I’d gone on dates here and there, and pined after various friends a WHOLE bunch, but yeah. …Actually, as someone who constantly overthinks and is worried about offending people / rejection / messing up relationships / etc., i’ve never dated anyone who I didn’t meet on OKCupid. (And that service specifically because of the emphasis on writing, and the compatibility questions which, best of all, give you room to write additional notes as to why you answered a particular way. It’s wonderful for overthinking.) So, pro tip, I guess? Life hack? I dunno. And it still took me a while to find people on there, it wasn’t right away, but I found their model helpful, and when I did find people who I hit it off with, we tended to be quite compatible.
I make Andy Stitzer look like an amateur. Be kind to yourself Yoto.
Ehh, not that unusual these days! And, since you’ve mentioned that you’d like this to happen for you, it’s also not unusual for someone to find it charmingly fun to be your first. Good luck!
The one that blew my mind is that the average American has sex with four people in his (or her) entire life. Four? Are you kidding me? I’ve done better than that in one night. If “better” is equivalent to “more.”
Saaaturday
in the park
I think it was the fourth of Ju-ly-y
Did you have sex with a man selling ice cream?
…singing an Italian song?
*plays First of May by Jonathan Coulton on the hacked Muzak* *gets dragged away by HR because it’s SO not work-safe*
Not everyone is into everyone.
Sounds more like you’re the outlier here.
Some of us are fat and ugly and have a bad personality.
That combo is only a problem if you allow it to be.
My ace ass can’t exactly relate to this problem in full, but like…if it helps, I’m pretty sure it’s not actually that uncommon for hetero men to go well into their 30s (and beyond, even) without any sexual experiences? And like, I know there’s a hell of a stigma surrounding that, but that is frankly bullsh*t and I don’t think it reflects on you as a person at all. You can just be sexually attracted to people, and not have sex, and still live a perfectly meaningful and fulfilling life. Don’t sweat it, buddy.
Sex is overrated, wizard powers are cooler
You only get the wizard powers if you were a C-section baby and your egg and sperm met outside of a human body. I looked into it when I was 16.
I’m pretty close to attaining true wizardhood.
30-year-old virgin with sexy fan art wizard powers > 40-year-old virgin with no wizard powers
She’s gotta pick up that pace if she’s going to get to a billion.
Fuck Six Billion Penises
But who’s going to Break the Wheel! Or is the Wheel made of Penises?
The crossover nobody asked for, but which we all clearly deserve.
Also, startlingly appropriate, if you think about it. After all, KB6D started off with Allison as a dumbass sorority girl desperately trying to hide her geekiness and also get laid by some random guy so she could achieve the arbitrary status of “not a virgin”. She continues making absolutely terrible decisions throughout the rest of the comic. All in all, she’d fit right in with the DOA cast!
Joyce can throw a mean punch, give her some mystical training and she’ll be kicking a lot of ass.
Another case of not understanding how large a billion is.
A year is about 3 million seconds. So if you live to be 120, you’ve had around 3.2 billion seconds of life when you can screw around*.
So to do a billion penises you have to do one every 3 seconds. And not stop to eat or sleep, or much of anything else, unless you get into really creeping adult movie stuff.
* Yes I am ignoring teenagers screwing other teenagers. Not going there.
A year is more like 31.6 million seconds.
Argh! You’re right. Dropped a zero somewhere.
Take it up with Jacob.
As somecreature who also hasn’t experienced it: Good to know, I guess. This is probably one of the least uncomfy ways I could’ve received information like this and I’m grateful.
(ngl, “invasive” is also what I think of when I think of having a penis inside you. again, as somecreature who hasn’t experienced it. and also is very ace. thanks Joyce as well for putting that in words for me klfdshgls)
Welp, that’s probably more information than she got outta Dorothy last time.
Joyce is not going to give up that easily. and in these circumstances it is not a good sign
Willis knows exactly how much he’s teasing them shippers, between this fakeout and the “no heterosexual explanation.” Jokes on him – I’m into that shit, and so is the rest of a fanbase willing to WAIT LITERAL YEARS for each romantic development in here.
(Besides I like Jojo. It’s all winnings here.)
Precisely for this reason it is better to be careful when you see a minimal interaction from a ship of your choice, you see that there is something that fills you with expectation and BOOM, Willis will show you something else.
Fam, I was into Ethan/Danny back in like 2013 – when they crashed on the grass. Imagine skdgjsk :’33
Not complaining in the slightly, though. I trust the story! I HAVE FAITH IN GOD’S PLA– [gets shot]
I don’t like teasing, it feels like a drug in the end.
I get what you mean, and ffff yeah I imagine it can be very frustrating TwT
Like. I’m addiction-prone so I’m okay with it but yeah.
if this series was more virally popular or animated i can imagine there would’ve been some pegging/r34 art of them within 24 hoursof this stirp lol
Sometimes I’d love SO MUCH a bigger fandom, istg. Fanart and fanfic are always immensely welcome. (And yeah, there’d be a lot more porn.)
Bigger fandoms aren’t as nice as this comments section by far tho.
I have a new favorite word and it is “b’grudgi’ly” and I am sad that it wasn’t the title of this strip
I was gonna say Joyce has the patience of a saint, but that phrase might be a tad ill-fitting at this point. Maybe the patience of, uh… Alexander Fleming…?
Joyce and Jo are totes fucking.
I devoutly wish, but don’t expect.
Maybe she’s asking so she’ll know what to expect when she and Joe finally do do the dirty deed?
She’s gonna do some kind of fucking by next storyline at the very latest.
I wonder if the author has any personal experience of this, or if they had to ask someone.
*borat voice*
“I asked MY WIFE”
Afaik, from the fact they have kids and his conservative upbringing, i don’t think Willis has this experience with Dotty’s exact equipment. I can’t speak to what he’s explored with his own kit.
Probably asked the wife that bored those kids
*bore, shit
i mean there prolly are individual posts if not articles about ppl talking about sex experiences XD
Slight sense this strip had a co-writer
“Invasive in a nice way” is pretty accurate, tbh.
But also–nothing wrong with being in your late 20s or later and not having done it (whether that’s a “yet” or a “not planning on it ever”)
Due to godawful fundie sex ed, I didn’t actually realize when I’d “lost” it (not gonna get into that bc it’d require some TWs) and honestly? I would’ve been happy waiting until my 20s. Even now at almost 30, I’ve been with like 2 people? and I’m totally content with that. No shade to people who *have* been with 46 exactly, either, just. I’m wayyy too demisexual for that, lmao
Looks like Dorothy’s close to clocking out, and Joyce isn’t that far behind her.
I was going to make a food metaphor but I don’t think that Joyce would appreciate that 😅
sure would make watching foodie shows more awkward when desserts are called ‘orgasmic’
Actually, there is some bakery(?) downtown in my city called “Better than Sex”, would be an amusing way to come out as ace to friends taking them there but i believe despite the name (or because of it?) it’s more of a ‘couples’ things with like chocolate covered strawberries and stuff tho idk how popular they are for a date night outside of around like V-day (or a bold first date choice haha)
Among the other things Joyce hasn’t been privy to is the white paper How Many Penises Ro Pretend You Have Known, And Where On The Distribution Curve To Land.
commercial voice: If your distribution curve is pronounced and unexpected, you may have peyronie’s disease.
Heehee.
Machete order for this strip’s panels:
5-4-2-3-1
Beinging self-aware like Joyce is doing in last panel is making sex, the sexual thing, so awkward. Like: “yes, it’s really another person invading tour body”.
Maybe that’s why my psychologist have said that high intelligence or IQ is also bad, because a person is more aware, conscious, about it.
Fun fact: As far as science has been able to determine, with resoundingly consistent answers across a very large number of studies everywhere in the world using every conceivable (hoho) method, the average number of sexual partners a woman has in a lifetime is about six, while the number for men is about nine. Try and make that make sense.
Joyce’s search for an acceptable figure just made me remember that.
nice
Possible explanations:
1. I believe there are more women than men on the world, so it is possible the math could work out.
2. Did these studies all clearly define and agree on what a “sexial partner” actually means?
3. These surveys must be based on voluntary information, right? So it seems possible that one group is over-stating and/orr the other under-stating due to bullshit societal pressures.
4. Nice.
1. There should be about 50.1 to .2% women ordinarily as primates procreate but China cancels that out.
2. No, the methodologies are all over the place and yet the numbers keep showing very little variation.
3. Hard to say how many are misrepresenting themselves and how many misunderstand what sex is.
4. Yes quite.
means or medians?
5. Maybe gay men have more sexual partners on average than gay women?
Though gay people are not such a large proportion of the population that that makes sense, now that I think about it. Not unless they are having an inconceivable amount of sex.
Have you heard of Bath-house Georg? (He is an outlier and should not be counted).
Also, I think Grindr did a Grindr Wrapped that could be statistically interesting here.
NICE.
How do you make it “lifetime”? Ask people on their deathbed?
Did it control for us queers?
Get ready for the most drunken-presidential-speech Dorothy will speak, to try convice Joyce to not sleep with Joe.
prepare yourself, Joe. Maybe.
Obs there’s a math equation to how many penises and vaginas gotta be clickin’, based on age. Maybe Jason can help derive the formula for us.
If your penis or vagina is clicking, maybe go see a doctor.
What if it looks up at me and says “YOU ARE UGLY MOTHERF***ER!” and then initiated a self destruct sequence?
Perfectly healthy teeth in there
It is really nice seeing Dorothy show her happiness to Joyce after what she’s going through, but I’m now reminded of this video.
what in the promiscuity??? that ain’t Fergalicious
I sincerely hope that Joyce can get Dorothy to admit her secrets, especially the one about her refute to transferring to a school that doesn’t seem to interest her anymore. Continuing not to say it will only hurt her. After that, she could also talk to Joyce about her traumas and how much she wants to be close to her. Meanwhile, today’s facial expressions are extremely cute!
I love how after having her fun with Joyce, Dorothy then genuinely answers her question
My new favourite characters, for at least the next ten minutes, are Randos In The First Panel Who Have Not Drunk Enough To Be Comfortable Overhearing This Conversation, Especially Now Joyce Is Kind Of Aiming It At Them, But Can’t Move Away Without Being Obvious. Be as obvious as you like, randos! These two aren’t going to notice, and if they do, they won’t remember!
I was really expecting someone to be like “uh, do you want to find out?”
Oh no, it’s Anti-Joyce! Who used the Dup-O-Matic on her?
I’m sure I’m not the first person to say this, but do we know if any of Joyce’s siblings have kids?
Because then she’d be… (am dragged out of the comments by a big shepherd’s crook)
We know John the eldest is married. She might have been pregnant? But I might be making that up
John might have been making it up too.
Don’t think there was any mention of it. And it seems like the kind of thing that would have come up in their sub-culture.
Of course it’s been months now.
well, that’s one way to put it. wonde rhow roz would answr that question. although prolly more awkward but I can imagnie joyce maybe going up to every woman she knows that has had boyfriends and ask them lol
How will this night end? Joyce has had part of one beer in her life, and just did a whiskey flight, plus. This night will end with someone hugging porcelain.
Joe felt a great disturbance in the force, like there was an amazing pouty Joyce face and he wasn’t there to observe it.