It took me 5 weeks in highschool before I talked to the girl who would become my best friend tthroughout high school.
Even then, I think she initiated the first conversation. She is also kind of an introvert, but I’m on an entirely new level of introvert. To the point of panic attacks when around more the 3-4 people.
I thought I was bad as an introvert… Until I met my boyfriend. I have mild social anxiety but he have it in overdrive so, we stay home and live our best life together.
So who’s having more difficulty opening up to their crush, Carla or Sarah?
Maybe they could solve this by teaming up and trading problems. Sarah will just walk up to Charlie and tell her that Carla likes her. Might take fifteen minutes or so to get Charlie’s attention, but she’ll get there in the end.
Meanwhile Carla will swipe all the data from every device Jacob has ever used or walked past, use it to construct a 100% accurate AI duplicate of his personality, run a billion silulated conversations between him and Sarah on a supercomputer to determine optimal results, and then decide this is boring and just build Sarah the Orgasm Machine from Barbarella* and name it “OTHER Other Jacob”.
*Was gonna link it, but I forgot there’s a slur in that scene, so I’ll pass. Just picture the most 1960s thing imaginable plus Jane Fonda writhing under a Venetian blind. I assure you, Austin Powers was only BARELY a parody of how camp the 60s could be.
i can’t imagine carla directly going “i think you’re cool and i wanna get to know you better” but she’s having a hard time to get charlie to focus on her to begin with
It kinda did more than that, to be fair. Depending on how one interprets the junkyard scene, it either caused him to perform a personality-based mitosis, and the newly independent uber-Chad-demigod Superman and mild-mannered-but-still-superpowered Clark Kent battled to the death, or it induced a full-on psychotic break wherein Kal-El had a hallucinatory battle with himself, committing a few million dollars’ worth of incidental property damage, destroying several pieces of heavy machinery while experiencing a severe schizophrenic episode.
Thank you for furnishing such a wonderfully atrocious new word. Between the word and what it means, this is deliciously terrible. Merci. Now I go forth to inflict it upon the melancholy masses.
Well i’m pretty sure jacob’s told her that he’s willing to be friends and spend time together but i guess sarah just wants to know if there’s a chance romantically, but i wouldn’t think direct asking would’ve been harder than their last convo at her door
DOES she want anything romantic though? She has herself said not, and (although it was a few months ago in-comic and a lot can change in that time) reacted to his talking about being sexualised in a way that implied- amongst other things- that she knew it wasn’t okay to go after what she wanted.
Of course there are layers to characters, what is said and unsaid etc. But I’ve never seen anything from Sarah that I interpreted as specifically romantic.
she knows jacob does, more or less, otherwise i feel like she’d be tempted to blurt out “you’re hot let’s f***” or whatever) so i can imagine her willing to attempt to go on some ‘dates’ versus just going straight to tearing his clothes off (which would def be inappropriate)
I don’t think she does. The physical attraction is just the safest part to acknowledge. But as long as she has Little Jacob and she knows how Real Jacob doesn’t just not reciprocate but disdains that shallow affection, why would she even bother getting in the same room with him? She seems to want more.
Sarah talks like she thinks she’s unloveable, so she might not know how she feels about him. But they both know she’s attracted to him in some way, to the point of attempting to be social and pleasant (during fall semester) even though it’s obviously outside her comfort zone.
jacob you have generally been the reasonable one in this scene but to be fair asking people things like that point blank is often the worst way to get a real answer.
sometimes it’d be nice if ppl would be upfront about that tho can be awkward/uncomfortable talkign about feelings versus being upfront in other social situations. (I’m not as anti social as sarah ,but other than ppl who’d take it as a challenge, i’d love to like just be able to chill in a public place or visit a bar wearing a shirt that’s like “Please don’t hit on me” displayed in large font lol)
Yeah, i agree. I think Jacob is setting up healthy boundaries. As long as she’s not opening up to him, there’s nothing in this relationship that Jacob finds worth pursuing. I think he’s making that pretty clear.
Sarah needs to deal with her issues first, and then see if she’s interested in Jacob in any compatible way.
Yeah, that’s the problem.
It’s great when you are interested and not sure about them and they just ask flat out, but it can be even more awkward when you’re not interested.
The little dance we do of trying to gauge other people’s feelings before being open about our own can be really frustrating, but it’s there for a reason.
I don’t think he is being unreasonable. He doesn’t seem particularly shallow, and how is he supposed to really know how to feel about Sarah when she won’t talk to him? Every time he’s tried to get to know her, she has shut him down. A lot of people need connection before any romantic feelings can form.
I mean part of is that Sarah is aware that what she wants out of Jacob isn’t what Jacob is looking for, so why would she set herself up for disappointment?
Even tho it is mostly a lust/attraction factor, I’m sure sarah’s probably willing to do more than a one night stand. Tho i don’t think she’d be crude and be like “I still wanna sleep with you but i *guess* we can hang out more” even if she is blunt (maybe sarah should get some tips from jennifer loll)
Oh fuck right off with that disparity bullshit, you’ve been objectifying him and you got called out for it, and rightly so, and now you’re looking for sympathy
You don’t deserve it and hopefully Jacob leaves and finds someone else to talk to
This was my reaction (the way I’d say it to a little sister). Her behaviour towards Jacob is arguably less respectful than Joe has ever shown towards a woman. I get that she’s young and hasn’t had the experience to deal with *gestures vaguely* all this… but yeah, it’s not okay and she needs to learn to deal or back right off, just like she’d expect of any guy.
You are never too young to learn to respect other people’s boundaries. I taught two year olds to ask their peers for consent and learn to listen to their reaction.
The only excuse adults have is that they have not been taught this at 2yo, so they have a lot to unlearn first. But “too young to learn” is not an excuse at all.
Technically no. She’s basically just pointing out a perceived imbalance and technically isn’t asking. She’s complaining and not making a point to find out the answer.
IMO the difference is a lot more than technical. Asking the question is a request and (hopefully) acknowledges that you’re never actually entitled to know what another person is thinking. You’re taking a risk and maybe making yourself vulnerable, because it’s important enough to you to know whether the other person reciprocates.
It reads to me like Sarah realizes that for a desperate second and calls out, but promptly backpedals to trying to find a way that it’s actually his *duty* to tell her, to mitigate that vulnerability. (I relate, and consequently do not approve.)
It really doesn’t seem to me like he’s playing dumb here! He doesn’t express any confusion other than one question after her non-sequitur outburst. I think he’s entirely clear what she wants to know, but is indicating that he neither owes her an answer nor is encouraged toward one when she tries to suggest (“power disparity”) that he’s a bad person if he doesn’t tell her. I don’t *think* that Sarah would be confused about that if he walked away right now.
Yep. After all, all she has done is make it clear she likes his looks, but she’s shut him down every time he’s tried to get to know her as a person, or to have her actually get to know more about him. She really has not been very respectful of him, and if I were him I wouldn’t find it attractive behavior.
Asking is more than just about wanting an answer. It’s also about being emotionally vulnerable. Jacob has given her many opportunities to be vulnerable and open with him. There’s no word puzzle here. Jacob straight up is telling her how to get the information she wants: ask. Sarah is the one who is playing dumb by pretending the issue is one of equitability. The real reason she won’t do the simple thing and ask is because she doesn’t want to be in the emotionally vulnerable place of potentially being rejected.
I agree. She’s hoping he’ll tell her if she complains that it’s not fair. He says he will tell her if she expresses an honest desire to find out. She would have to take an interest in him as a person, not just complain about the situation.
Very good boundary of him. Sarah has already crossed his boundaries (staring at him in objectification despite him being uncomfortable with it), it makes sense he’s clear about what he wants: for her to show she cares about more than objectifying him.
If the person you like is obviously incredibly shy, then maybe. Every person has their own level of expectations and limitations.
Maybe Jacob has more patience.
If we’re going to get nitpicky on how people say things, then if he sincerely is unsure if she’s asking how he feels about her, he should ask, “are you asking me how I feel about you?”
If he does know, but he thinks it’s his job to train encourage her to say it in the exact way he would, then she is better off getting over him.
If she had stopped after “…but I don’t know how you feel about me,” I think I could see agreeing…but she decided to end her statement to him with “It’s a power disparity and it’s not fair!”
That’s not a reasonable way of asking. That’s insisting that the other person is in the wrong for not having volunteered it unprompted, and this insistence is now the subject of the conversation. She had a form of the question that she was so close to letting exist and she then derailed it into something else so that she *wouldn’t* have asked him. What she’s left Jacob to respond to isn’t “I don’t know how you feel about me”, it’s “There’s an unfair power disparity between us.” Which is too bad :-/
True. She’s feeling vulnerable and reached blindly for a weapon.
But Sarah is right to say “there’s a power disparity.” When the question is “how do you feel about me” then one is always at the mercy of the other. Get over it, Sarah. The only way to resolve the imbalance is to ask.
Some things are neither fair nor unfair; they just are.
Notice that Jacob is being indirect too. He could have said, “well, if you really want to know, please ask me.” He could have just answered the implied question and (we may hope) ended this fencing match. Each one wants the other to go first.
To be fair, Jacob has been doggedly trying to engage her in any sort of conversation for like a bajillion strips now. It’s reasonable to not feel like you have to disclose your feelings about someone to a person who won’t even hold a polite conversation with you. If they ever had some basic social interaction, maybe he *would* have volunteered it, or asked her out, or something, but she steadfastly refuses to talk to him. How is he supposed to go first on this when she shuts down every attempt to converse?
I think it’s her trying to in the way that’s most comfortable to her… But not really. She’s basically avoiding an uncomfortable critique of how her behaviour affects someone else by turning it around and basically being accusative*. It’s the same kind of behaviour that is heavily criticised in men.
*Brain would not retrieve the word I needed. This is the closest it got.
I think the word you’re looking for is “accusatory.”
“Accusative” is a word, but it means the grammatical form nouns and pronouns take when they’re used in certain ways in a sentence. What those ways are varies from language to language, but in Latin it’s when they’re direct objects or the objects of some prepositions. Not every language has an Accusative Case.
English doesn’t have an Accusative Case anymore, it combined accusative and some other forms into the Objective Case.
how much opening up is there in yelling at him how he’s unfair? She might think she is, but there’s no actual feelings in there besides frustration (which Jacob does not deserve)
Honestly, “life isn’t fair” is a pretty terrible response to people objecting to unfairness.
Life isn’t anything, because it’s inanimate. But people choose to be fair or unfair, and some of them then dodge accountability for their choices for blaming it on life or the universe.
Yes yes Sarah is in a sad situation and/or hoist by her own petard and all, very good
Let’s get back to what’s important: Dorothy is definitely going to kill Joyce. She’s plotted it out. She has a second location in mind. Do you think she is going to go all Patrick Bateman on this or is she more a Hannibal Lecter?
Either way, I think she should feed Joyce to herself a la Hannibal Lector. But as I am from Wisconsin, I think Dottie should also wear Joyce’s scalp as a wig.
wouldn’t it be more likely for her to kill joe? i mean it’s not a manga where it’d be liek “if i can’t have her no one can ” yandere possessiveness kinda twist lol
See also: Fatal Attraction for the most famous example of the western trope. It’s also what the characters were talking about in How I Met Your Mother when they discussed women with “crazy eyes” and the Dobler/Dahmer Theory, and I’m sure it’s turned up in loads of other sitcoms too.
I’m looking forward to his response when pressed on this to be something along the lines of “I have no strong feelings about you one way or the other because we’ve barely interacted at all”
I think she’s doing relatively ok. Except for the people who know the secret script apparently, and she’s a terrible person for them because she’s not following it.
well other than things being (more) awkward afterwards, i’d hope sarah would still try to put effort into being friends with him (assuming they even have anything in common besides caring about joyce, but have we even seen anything that stated that sarah actually liked any aspects about jacob other than his body?)
Sarah’s first mistake was changing her mind and deciding to accompany Joyce to the gym at the first mention of Jacob. Everything that has happened after that, vis-a-vis her and Jacob, is her own fault (with a little “help” from Joyce).
It would probably be helpful if Sarah learned to just like, talk to Jacob for any length of time like he’s goddamned human being except those few times when she was telling stories about Joyce. Like, she spends her time ogling Jason and then getting defensive when he tries to initiate any form of conversation whatsoever. Like, maybe she should try to just get to know him as a human being for a bit.
I have a tendency to dislike Sarah but I always find her difficulty with interacting with people and expressing herself emotionally so relatable. She just expresses it in a different, more aggressive way than me
i’d prolly be the opposite, i’m awkward but i would def be too scared to be aggressive to ppl /make them dislike me, not that i go outta my way to be a ‘people pleaser’ but i’d rather not risk pissing off the wrong person lol
Yes I will use every abbreviation/other variation than the exact spelling specifically just to spite you 8D;
I’m also pretty sure there was at least one comic strip where Walky also says “prolly” do you expect the author himself to change it to where everyone speaks ‘properly’/do you have a rage induced aneurysm every time sal is on screen with dialogue? ;P
Yes I get her struggle with it, but I handle it completely opposite to her, but to a degree that is also unhealthy (according to my therapist) I am so afraid of conflict and of inconveniencing people that I barely function sometimes.
I don’t approve of her behaviour, but I love that it’s in the comic. She’s basically a kid who is learning how to deal with new situations, like that majority of the cast. Her behaviour is understandable, natural, and totally realistic. They’ve all navigated relationships in unique ways based on their individual circumstances and personalities, and that’s good shizz in writing.
I’ve shared the comic as an example in my human development course because of how realistic it is (compared to other media depictions of teens/young adults).
I started off as a huge asshole. It was with my wife that I grew, became more loving and open, and even a little more ok with people. I don’t know what she saw in me, but I’m glad she saw it
I probably wouldn’t wanna be friends with her/talk with her more than necessary, but story/reading wise i’m not like “ugh can we move on to another group of charas already” (tho i def would prefer seeing more cute Becky/dina shennanigans)
I’ve honestly felt kind of similar. Like I want somebody to put her in her place and say, “you trying to hold this weird superiority over everybody is making everyone dislike being around you. Just, let things go and let yourself exist in the world for a bit for fuck’s sake.”
6 months is enough time to decide on a tattoo, in my opinion, and that’s a lifelong commitment. You don’t have to make it forever, but realize six months is a good chunk of time! Congratulations!
Take that, America!!! Love wins!!
My wife and I were the first “same sex” couple married in our county…even tho I’m intersex, my birth certificate says female.
In a 9 year relationship, 5 of those married, and as an introvert I get what Sarah is struggling with here. She’s clearly been through stuff that makes it hard to trust and invest in people, which is why making anything happen with Jacob would be hard to pull off, but if she could, the payoff may be transformative and healing for her.
I think Jacob is right to advocate for his personhood and that he’s sweet for trying to gently encourage her to come out of her shell and approach him. On the other hand though, he is in a position with less weight on him, seeing where she is and deciding that rather than meeting her at a level she can manage, that she needs to come out of her shell to interact with him on his level. Fine, anyone can reasonably stipulate that, but that isn’t actually charitable or empathetic here. If you see someone struggling with a bunch of groceries in their arms, and you decide to open a door for them, but they’re stumbling and dropping bags, and you start getting annoyed with them for just seeing you as a door opener for them, ignoring what they’re actually having difficulty with and only consuming what fits your narrative or righteousness and burden, that’s kind of sucky isn’t it?
I was hoping to get some introverts in this response! Me too, I am very guarded and shy, but I am abrasive about it because it keeps me safe. Those who get past that just realize I’m “candid.” Sarah is brutal because she needs to be, but she is trying in her own way. I noticed a lot of the people answering that they’re in a relationship aren’t the ones being nasty-even if they don’t like her behavior, it’s still being approached with empathy. You don’t have to agree with her to be understanding.
You totally get the scenario here. People in this comment section are being really unkind to Sarah’s situation. I love Sarah because I see myself in her, and know that if she works at it she can grow…but it takes patience and kindness. Thanks for your reply!
We’re both fairly strongly introverted, and both rather laid-back. On the plus side we argue sometimes but don’t fight. On the minus side we often just agree to disagree and then we stay out of each other’s way on that issue, with the result that a lot of things don’t get done or resolved.
Fantastic!! Poly terms can get complicated, so I admit I had to look it up. My wife and I have a crush on a woman who is solo style as well, lol. I’m so glad you found your fit!!
Been with my now-husband 18.5 years, which is over half his lifetime and virtually half of mine. We were friends for 2 years first, then I realised I like-liked him. And am near Sarah-levels of bad at communicating so told him when we were texting at about 4AM that I like-liked somebody for just about the third time in my life and to guess who.
Next time we met up, I wasn’t very well, went on a coffee-and-sugar high and slide from that to tipsy, and then we kissed. And then when we were sober and he made me magic toast that stayed hot until you ate it and that made my stomach not hurt (I don’t get hangovers but hadn’t been eating properly for a few days at that point because I was unwell) we talked properly and agreed we were bf/gf and also had started dating the previous day so we could say we got together on April 1st.
Romance!
Also, I may be demisexual. I just thought I was very slow for a long time.
A lot of people in this forum think that people who are bad communicators can never fall in love/aren’t worthy of it. I’m glad we have a good example of how that’s not true. You two sound adorable together and I love your love!
I’m asexual and my wife is aromantic. More people are understanding themselves, and it’s super exciting. I’m so happy you are happy, keep up the tomfoolery with that excellent anniversary
Married to my partner 19 years this year. Setting us up on a blind date was pretty much the only positive thing our mutual acquaintance ever did in the realms of romance.
We do pretty well, having survived everything up to and including my partner awakening to the fact they are enby a couple years back.
I’ve found it’s really comforting to feel that way. We had that experience before the pandemic, and so I think: it might just be love, my friend! I’m glad you got to have your puppy-years when you were shut in together.
Tho…I don’t know when the puppy dog years end?? Do they ever???
Pff. It was long-distance until literally this summer, and the pandemic really slowed down the process of moving across state lines to live with each other, but I know I love her. 🙂
This panel made me remember that Jacob has some trauma regarding being seen exclusively as a sexual object, and that this entire morning has to have been REAL crappy for him.
I’m not going to go so far as to say Sarah doesn’t CARE about other people, but it’s been true for the entire comic that she prefers to ostentatiously project an aura of not caring about what other people think or want.
damn my favorite detail about that strip is Joe struggling to even grasp the concept of having an emotional conversation. boy came a long way. whereas Sarah is still in the same place, but fully convinced that Joe is the same guy he was last year.
Sarah *has* been giving some really neurodivergent vibes in this scene with her complete inability to express herself coupled with a panicky inability to read others.
I’m connecting with this as someone who is personally really bad at expressing vulnerable affection verbally and mostly relies on insulting people who Know What I Mean. So, like, I get it. Putting yourself out there is really scary and overwhelming. It doesn’t excuse Sarah being crummy, but I get it.
You are literally replying to a thread of ND people who say they find Sarah’s behavior relatable, so maybe this isn’t the right place for complaining about that.
Now my take on Sarah is Borderline Personality Disorder. What lead me here is: defensiveness, disorganized attachment style, push and pull in her friendships, and her extreme mood swings
Neuroplasticity does mean that neurodivergence can be a result of experiences. People overestimate the power of genetics, I think it is an ego-defense thing, where they fear that admitting that experiences can have an effect might result in them being called fake.
genetics is only the basic blueprints you picked up to build from. It isn’t the finished house you live in. You need to hire a bunch of Epigenetic subcontractors to put it all together.
The question is: is Sarah really a misanthrope who has no interest/wish in being vulnerable or relying on others resulting in difficulty relating to people and opening up, or has her difficulty relating to people and opening up led to her acting like a misanthrope who has no interest in being vulnerable as cover to make it seem/feel like it’s on purpose?
Think back to the Halloween decorations thingy where Joyce suggested she pretended she had a problem with it so Sarah could enjoy it, without people knowing she got genuine pleasure from something fun and a tad kitchsy-cutesy and Sarah was THRILLED because this way she could celebrate Halloween without anybody other than Little Sister knowing that actually she CARED and wanted to participate in the thing. Also, note it was Joyce’s suggestion: Sarah wouldn’t ask Joyce to act like she had additional neuroses and was distressed for her benefit (and knew Joyce was actually cool with Halloween). It hadn’t occurred to her that Joyce could/would do that for her.
Sarah is TERRIFIED of people recognising her as a human capable of feeling warmth, and affection and joy. She needs them to write her off as bitter and mean.
But she doesn’t want Jacob to do that… She likes him. And he… Tolerates her? And knows she likes him? And she doesn’t know how to relax and let him see her brave, caring side, to just chat to him and be friendly…
I think she thinks she’s unlikeable, and it hurts being putting her best self forward and being rejected or discarded, so she’s crusty. In her Dana flashback, Dana described her as being ‘lonely and withdrawn’, but she described herself as a ‘bongoy killjoy misanthrope’. She opened up to Raidah and her friends, and they treat her like she’s the devil.
Huh.
Just had a thought while reading an article about broken dnd builds that has nothing to do with today’s strip: what if Jacob leaked the Do List?
We never found out who did it.
Joe isn’t shy about his friends knowing about it.
Jacob doesn’t like being seen as simply a sexual object.
And Jacob does have a sense of justice/wanting to stand up for people like his brother.
Maybe all that manifested into an opportunity and he leaked it.
Of course, it doesn’t have to be him, but it would be an extremely minor mystery solved vs it being no one we’ve seen and thus no one of significance.
i don’t think this is true but that would be an absolutely epic arc and it would be justified and the fallout would be interesting
like what’s Joe supposed to do, get mad? when you get right down to it, whoever leaked the list, did him a huge solid, in terms of his development as a person in the long-term. He’s got the kind of relationship right now, that he thought was an unattainable fantasy for most of his life, he’s more open with his friends; Joe’s life got immediately worse following the leak, but every single thing after that has been a radical improvement on where he was at, back when he was an emotionally closed-shut sex addict who couldn’t connect with literally anybody!
Jacob could be less stubborn and have in hus mind that Sarah cannot express her feelings.
He’s acting like Sarah offended him, but it’s not true.
Have more compassion, dude.
This morning Sarah has both expressed disinterest in/incapability of conversation in favour of “just keeping [her] eyes” on him and kinda attempted to shut down their mutual friend Joyce’s self-confidence boost partially by dunking on Jacob’s friend Joe.
I’m not gonna claim that Sarah’s a shitty person or anything, but she has been real callous this morning and Jacob’s well within his right to be stubborn or standoffish in response to that. Here’s hoping she realises she’s been a bit of a prick and grows a bit.
Wereg also pointed out that he has previously revealed his fear/discomfort with only being seen/treated like a sexual object TO SARAH. So her behaviour has been super offensive.
If a guy friend (of a friend (of a friend)) spotted me at the gym and did nothing but ogle my breasts I would not show him as much consideration as Jacob has.
I personally am talking about this whole scene/interaction, because I think it makes more sense to see behaviour in context rather than individual frames.
It’s not Jacob’s responsibility to coddle Sarah through figuring out how to express herself, and he has absolutely no obligation to put up with behaviour that he considers unacceptable.
Sorry, but the only one who needs a bit of compassion here is Sarah. She’s so caught up in how she feels about Jacob, that she has absolutely no regard for how he feels about her or how her behaviour affects him.
Uh, maybe this is an English second language thing so, if it is I’m sorry for harping on your wording. But it’s kinda up to him whether or not she’s offended him. And he clearly feels offended by her behavior
I’m thinking Amos meant that she hasn’t committed an offense? I can see that argument; she ogled but she didn’t make gross commentary or touch him.
That said, I agree that Jacob felt… maybe not offended. I might say hurt?
I remain surprised that he considers Sarah a friend, but everything he’s said from first greeting her in this storyline has indicated he does, so I think he feels hurt by the objectification more than morally outraged. If that makes sense.
Lots of things. The only problem is, that it doesn’t matter if it’s unfair or not. That’s just life. Either you live with it or you do something about it, but yelling about how it’s ‘unfair’ is going to get you nowhere fast.
I honestly don’t know how to answer that; it’s like asking “What’s round about a soccer ball?” and the only answer I can think of is “the fact it’s round. Being round is one of the main things making it a soccer ball. If it wasn’t round, it would be something else.”
Which, to be clear, doesn’t mean this is a soccer ball, even if I’m undecided as to whether or not it’s round.
So, to be clear: Sarah has not done anything like this before, I don’t think it’s a trend, and I think it’s because she’s uncomfortable being vulnerable rather than anything else.
But I really hate the inappropriate use of social justice language here. No, there’s not a “power disparity” here (and to Willis’s credit, it’s obvious that everyone involved, readers included, know that.)
Words mean things, and to use language like this when it’s inappropriate devalues its usage when it really matters- such as, say, when Sal & Bowtie were getting it on.
The use of this language here is as a bludgeon- it says “this situation is inherently unequal. Thus, I demand redress and you are a bad person if you don’t redress it in the way I demand.” When the situation *is* unequal, that’s a valid thing to say. But when it’s not (like here, obviously), it’s essentially lying. And that’s bad.
Inequal information is a power disparity in politics, war, deception, conversation, emotion, pet ownership, parenthood, and any other possible social relationship. It is not a concept specific to social justice.
I am all for social justice in all forms, but it often sounds like the speakers for social justice think they invented the concept of power. They should read more. (I think that about everyone, so that statement doesn’t mean as much as it seems.) I can recommend Machiavelli, Plato, Thoreau, and Orwell. I hear good things about Nietzsche as well but I haven’t read his work. Technically I should promote Marx’s work as well, but he is a terrible writer & communicator, and the summaries tend to do a lot of projecting their own assumptions, in my limited experience.
I feel liiiike Sarah bringing up the “power disparity”
A) isn’t so much accusing Jacob of actively doing anything wrong as generally cursing fate. Power disparity isn’t proof of wrongdoing, its just an important piece of context
B) is so preposterous on its face that it comes across more being a cute panicked thing to say than a morally reprehensible act
My two cents
HOORAY! Go Sarah! Be brave! Talk with him! It’s so nice to see her finally do something to get to know Jacob as a person. Let’s hope this changes everything for her.
Gender swap this. Sarah’s working out and some guy she knows comes over and stares at her body but barely speaks to her. When called on this by Sarah he yells at her. Time for someone to intervene.
Sarah is deep into a “mistakes were made but not by me” situation. She and Joyce have both blown it with Jacob and it’s not his fault. A little honesty would have gone a long way but they couldn’t manage it.
When Sarah lets her guard down, she’s fun to be around. She cares about Joyce, she recognized “goofy stuff Joyce does” wasn’t an unfair thing to talk to him about, even though she had trouble talking about other things.
And Joyce speaks highly of Sarah. Jacob was impressed that Joyce punched Ross after he kidnapped Becky. If they talked more about that, Joyce might have obliquely mentioned how Sarah did something like that for her.
Yeah, Raidah’s (wholly dishonest) argument is that Sarah is an irredeemable terrible person because when Raidah’s pal Dana was difficult to be around, Sarah bailed. All the things I’m leaving out here aside, it’s kind of weird how often people to use that to say people should bail on Sarah when she’s difficult to be around.
Sarah: is a B to Dorothy
Sarah: is a B to Joyce
Sarah: is a B to Joe
Sarah: Treats Jacob like a piece of meat
I don’t think she’s autistic or neurodivergent or anything like that.
i think she’s just an angry/unpleasant B. sometimes if it walks like a B, talks like a B, puts down her “friends” like a B, and puts down other people like a B, she might just be a B.
You can make all the excuses you want, but at the end of the day, she really is just an unpleasant B of a person. Correct me if i’m wrong, but didn’t she once tell lucy that she’s just the latest piece of meat for walky to pump&dump?
Thank you for the correction.
in response to it, i would like to point out that the correction doesn’t make it any better.
it’s just as bad, but in the opposite direction.
But not *only* that. Sure, she’s horny as hell for him, but they share interests and have good times together. Sure, there are some factors of the relationship that are questionable on Walky’s side (dating Lucy seems to be a coping mechanism for him, since it’s an easy relationship that prevents him from thinking too much about certain things).
Sarah’s situation is a lot worse since she’s essentially acting like old Joe but in extreme denial.
yes, an i am honestly thanking you for the correction. i tend to forget details about things, or forget new details into things.
also, B works for both men and women. just like A-Hole works for both men and women.
Unless B means something other than bongo, which it pretty clearly doesn’t from context, it’s absolutely a gendered slur. You can use it on a man, but it’s still referencing the same misogynistic concept.
100% unrelated to the strip, a little anecdote I find amusing and maybe nobody else will. But maybe someone will, so:
I’ve been looking for a version of the golem legend. One written by a Jewish author, where the Rabbi writes אמת (truth) on its forehead which animates it, and removes the alef to make מת (dead) to stop it. Articles about the stories say that element is pretty common, but I’m starting to suspect its a lot more common in versions written by non-Jewish authors.
I’ve exhausted what I could easily find on the internet, so I’m doing library books now. In one, there’s a glossary, and under “Midrash” it includes “The large body of Talmudic literature that developed during the second century of the Common Era.” After “Common Era” a previous reader penciled in “(AD)”. It seemed kind of disrespectful*, so I erased it. As I was, I realized the congruence(?) of it. That’s what amuses me, a little meaningful coincidence that doesn’t mean anything other than what it is.
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“TALKING? To PEOPLE?! Ugh, one MORE thing you extroverts rub in the faces of introverts!”
It took me 5 weeks in highschool before I talked to the girl who would become my best friend tthroughout high school.
Even then, I think she initiated the first conversation. She is also kind of an introvert, but I’m on an entirely new level of introvert. To the point of panic attacks when around more the 3-4 people.
I thought I was bad as an introvert… Until I met my boyfriend. I have mild social anxiety but he have it in overdrive so, we stay home and live our best life together.
So who’s having more difficulty opening up to their crush, Carla or Sarah?
Maybe they could solve this by teaming up and trading problems. Sarah will just walk up to Charlie and tell her that Carla likes her. Might take fifteen minutes or so to get Charlie’s attention, but she’ll get there in the end.
Meanwhile Carla will swipe all the data from every device Jacob has ever used or walked past, use it to construct a 100% accurate AI duplicate of his personality, run a billion silulated conversations between him and Sarah on a supercomputer to determine optimal results, and then decide this is boring and just build Sarah the Orgasm Machine from Barbarella* and name it “OTHER Other Jacob”.
*Was gonna link it, but I forgot there’s a slur in that scene, so I’ll pass. Just picture the most 1960s thing imaginable plus Jane Fonda writhing under a Venetian blind. I assure you, Austin Powers was only BARELY a parody of how camp the 60s could be.
Did you have this like ready to post the second this one up?
patreon, i assume
No, I didn’t write it until midnight, I just hacked the server to delay the clock so nobody else could post until I was ready, Mwahaha.
And despite my meddling, Ana STILL beat me. Curses, foiled again!
So, *not* time travel?
Huh. That would be simpler, actually.
This thread is INTENSELY Carla-coded
Carla = secretly the 15th Doctor all along???
You only beat Ana for first if she allows it.
i can’t imagine carla directly going “i think you’re cool and i wanna get to know you better” but she’s having a hard time to get charlie to focus on her to begin with
Frankly, Carla doesn’t even seems to know anything about Charlie beside her capacity to phase Carla out.
Opening up to people is Sarah’s kryptonite. Only instead of killing her, it makes her defensive, and more likely to smartass her way out of it.
I wonder if there’s a color of Kryptonite that just makes Superman really huffy and annoyed.
Grey, brown, or something combining those two.
There was that synthetic kryptonite from Superman 3 that turned him into an asshole.
It kinda did more than that, to be fair. Depending on how one interprets the junkyard scene, it either caused him to perform a personality-based mitosis, and the newly independent uber-Chad-demigod Superman and mild-mannered-but-still-superpowered Clark Kent battled to the death, or it induced a full-on psychotic break wherein Kal-El had a hallucinatory battle with himself, committing a few million dollars’ worth of incidental property damage, destroying several pieces of heavy machinery while experiencing a severe schizophrenic episode.
“Greige, my one weakness! Hmph!”
Thank you for furnishing such a wonderfully atrocious new word. Between the word and what it means, this is deliciously terrible. Merci. Now I go forth to inflict it upon the melancholy masses.
Well i’m pretty sure jacob’s told her that he’s willing to be friends and spend time together but i guess sarah just wants to know if there’s a chance romantically, but i wouldn’t think direct asking would’ve been harder than their last convo at her door
DOES she want anything romantic though? She has herself said not, and (although it was a few months ago in-comic and a lot can change in that time) reacted to his talking about being sexualised in a way that implied- amongst other things- that she knew it wasn’t okay to go after what she wanted.
Of course there are layers to characters, what is said and unsaid etc. But I’ve never seen anything from Sarah that I interpreted as specifically romantic.
she knows jacob does, more or less, otherwise i feel like she’d be tempted to blurt out “you’re hot let’s f***” or whatever) so i can imagine her willing to attempt to go on some ‘dates’ versus just going straight to tearing his clothes off (which would def be inappropriate)
But does Jacob actually know how Sarah feels about him? For that matter, does Sarah?
I don’t think she does. The physical attraction is just the safest part to acknowledge. But as long as she has Little Jacob and she knows how Real Jacob doesn’t just not reciprocate but disdains that shallow affection, why would she even bother getting in the same room with him? She seems to want more.
Sarah talks like she thinks she’s unloveable, so she might not know how she feels about him. But they both know she’s attracted to him in some way, to the point of attempting to be social and pleasant (during fall semester) even though it’s obviously outside her comfort zone.
I feel like this is a start, but as evidenced in the last panel, it’s not *quite* there yet. She’s at least expressing a vulnerability.
jacob you have generally been the reasonable one in this scene but to be fair asking people things like that point blank is often the worst way to get a real answer.
sometimes it’d be nice if ppl would be upfront about that tho can be awkward/uncomfortable talkign about feelings versus being upfront in other social situations. (I’m not as anti social as sarah ,but other than ppl who’d take it as a challenge, i’d love to like just be able to chill in a public place or visit a bar wearing a shirt that’s like “Please don’t hit on me” displayed in large font lol)
Considering the amount of objectifying Sarahs been doing what Jacob said is pretty reasonable of him
Yeah, i agree. I think Jacob is setting up healthy boundaries. As long as she’s not opening up to him, there’s nothing in this relationship that Jacob finds worth pursuing. I think he’s making that pretty clear.
Sarah needs to deal with her issues first, and then see if she’s interested in Jacob in any compatible way.
In these times, I used to run. That’s not fair
Yeah, that’s the problem.
It’s great when you are interested and not sure about them and they just ask flat out, but it can be even more awkward when you’re not interested.
The little dance we do of trying to gauge other people’s feelings before being open about our own can be really frustrating, but it’s there for a reason.
I don’t think he is being unreasonable. He doesn’t seem particularly shallow, and how is he supposed to really know how to feel about Sarah when she won’t talk to him? Every time he’s tried to get to know her, she has shut him down. A lot of people need connection before any romantic feelings can form.
Yeah Jacob you jerk, how dare you ask an upfront to the question that’s just been silently oogling you like a slab of beef?
Tsk
Oh, Sarah
I mean part of is that Sarah is aware that what she wants out of Jacob isn’t what Jacob is looking for, so why would she set herself up for disappointment?
Not saying she’s right, but I can get it
Even tho it is mostly a lust/attraction factor, I’m sure sarah’s probably willing to do more than a one night stand. Tho i don’t think she’d be crude and be like “I still wanna sleep with you but i *guess* we can hang out more” even if she is blunt (maybe sarah should get some tips from jennifer loll)
Because Sarah probably is tempted by the idea of more, but is also scared of it and scared of changing her persona.
Well, that’s just crazy talk.
Oh fuck right off with that disparity bullshit, you’ve been objectifying him and you got called out for it, and rightly so, and now you’re looking for sympathy
You don’t deserve it and hopefully Jacob leaves and finds someone else to talk to
Makes me wonder how good she’d be as a lawyer if that’s her logic/attempt at trying to communicate iwth jacob lol.
Sounds like she’ll make a very good corporate lawyer
This was my reaction (the way I’d say it to a little sister). Her behaviour towards Jacob is arguably less respectful than Joe has ever shown towards a woman. I get that she’s young and hasn’t had the experience to deal with *gestures vaguely* all this… but yeah, it’s not okay and she needs to learn to deal or back right off, just like she’d expect of any guy.
You are never too young to learn to respect other people’s boundaries. I taught two year olds to ask their peers for consent and learn to listen to their reaction.
The only excuse adults have is that they have not been taught this at 2yo, so they have a lot to unlearn first. But “too young to learn” is not an excuse at all.
Isn’t this her opening up to him and asking?
Technically no. She’s basically just pointing out a perceived imbalance and technically isn’t asking. She’s complaining and not making a point to find out the answer.
technically no, but actually yes.
IMO the difference is a lot more than technical. Asking the question is a request and (hopefully) acknowledges that you’re never actually entitled to know what another person is thinking. You’re taking a risk and maybe making yourself vulnerable, because it’s important enough to you to know whether the other person reciprocates.
It reads to me like Sarah realizes that for a desperate second and calls out, but promptly backpedals to trying to find a way that it’s actually his *duty* to tell her, to mitigate that vulnerability. (I relate, and consequently do not approve.)
I despise when people play dumb. Like I have to solve a word puzzle when they know exactly what I’m asking.
It really doesn’t seem to me like he’s playing dumb here! He doesn’t express any confusion other than one question after her non-sequitur outburst. I think he’s entirely clear what she wants to know, but is indicating that he neither owes her an answer nor is encouraged toward one when she tries to suggest (“power disparity”) that he’s a bad person if he doesn’t tell her. I don’t *think* that Sarah would be confused about that if he walked away right now.
Yep. After all, all she has done is make it clear she likes his looks, but she’s shut him down every time he’s tried to get to know her as a person, or to have her actually get to know more about him. She really has not been very respectful of him, and if I were him I wouldn’t find it attractive behavior.
Yeah. 100% agree with Orson here.
Asking is more than just about wanting an answer. It’s also about being emotionally vulnerable. Jacob has given her many opportunities to be vulnerable and open with him. There’s no word puzzle here. Jacob straight up is telling her how to get the information she wants: ask. Sarah is the one who is playing dumb by pretending the issue is one of equitability. The real reason she won’t do the simple thing and ask is because she doesn’t want to be in the emotionally vulnerable place of potentially being rejected.
she’s being vulnerable with him, but not using the magic words. what you are describing is the word puzzle you’re saying isn’t there.
“word puzzle”
You keep using those words. I do not think they mean what you think they mean.
oh, so you know what I mean by them, but I didn’t use the exact words you would use so that means what now?
appropriate screen name, jerkass.
based on their screen nanme i guess they’re a troll idk if they’d said anything that’d warrant a suspension/ban versus just being annoying lol.
I agree. She’s hoping he’ll tell her if she complains that it’s not fair. He says he will tell her if she expresses an honest desire to find out. She would have to take an interest in him as a person, not just complain about the situation.
Very good boundary of him. Sarah has already crossed his boundaries (staring at him in objectification despite him being uncomfortable with it), it makes sense he’s clear about what he wants: for her to show she cares about more than objectifying him.
Is this actually the kind of asking you’d want to encourage, though?
If the person you like is obviously incredibly shy, then maybe. Every person has their own level of expectations and limitations.
Maybe Jacob has more patience.
yikes.
If we’re going to get nitpicky on how people say things, then if he sincerely is unsure if she’s asking how he feels about her, he should ask, “are you asking me how I feel about you?”
If he does know, but he thinks it’s his job to
trainencourage her to say it in the exact way he would, then she is better off getting over him.If she had stopped after “…but I don’t know how you feel about me,” I think I could see agreeing…but she decided to end her statement to him with “It’s a power disparity and it’s not fair!”
That’s not a reasonable way of asking. That’s insisting that the other person is in the wrong for not having volunteered it unprompted, and this insistence is now the subject of the conversation. She had a form of the question that she was so close to letting exist and she then derailed it into something else so that she *wouldn’t* have asked him. What she’s left Jacob to respond to isn’t “I don’t know how you feel about me”, it’s “There’s an unfair power disparity between us.” Which is too bad :-/
True. She’s feeling vulnerable and reached blindly for a weapon.
But Sarah is right to say “there’s a power disparity.” When the question is “how do you feel about me” then one is always at the mercy of the other. Get over it, Sarah. The only way to resolve the imbalance is to ask.
Some things are neither fair nor unfair; they just are.
Two things I wish I’d figured out sooner.
+1
Notice that Jacob is being indirect too. He could have said, “well, if you really want to know, please ask me.” He could have just answered the implied question and (we may hope) ended this fencing match. Each one wants the other to go first.
To be fair, Jacob has been doggedly trying to engage her in any sort of conversation for like a bajillion strips now. It’s reasonable to not feel like you have to disclose your feelings about someone to a person who won’t even hold a polite conversation with you. If they ever had some basic social interaction, maybe he *would* have volunteered it, or asked her out, or something, but she steadfastly refuses to talk to him. How is he supposed to go first on this when she shuts down every attempt to converse?
Agreed.
I think it’s her trying to in the way that’s most comfortable to her… But not really. She’s basically avoiding an uncomfortable critique of how her behaviour affects someone else by turning it around and basically being accusative*. It’s the same kind of behaviour that is heavily criticised in men.
*Brain would not retrieve the word I needed. This is the closest it got.
I think the word you’re looking for is “accusatory.”
“Accusative” is a word, but it means the grammatical form nouns and pronouns take when they’re used in certain ways in a sentence. What those ways are varies from language to language, but in Latin it’s when they’re direct objects or the objects of some prepositions. Not every language has an Accusative Case.
English doesn’t have an Accusative Case anymore, it combined accusative and some other forms into the Objective Case.
So nominals in the position of being acted upon have been objectified? 🙂
how much opening up is there in yelling at him how he’s unfair? She might think she is, but there’s no actual feelings in there besides frustration (which Jacob does not deserve)
To be fair, I think that this was her attempt at asking you.
“Attempt” is doing the heavy lifting here, though.
Well, he’s warmed up from the bench.
*a lawyer joke peeks in, but decides there’s not enough hourly compensation involved, and wanders away again*
–Dave, SARAH WHEN HAS ANYTHING IN THIS COMIC STRIP TOLD YOU LIFE OR PEOPLE WERE FAIR
Honestly, “life isn’t fair” is a pretty terrible response to people objecting to unfairness.
Life isn’t anything, because it’s inanimate. But people choose to be fair or unfair, and some of them then dodge accountability for their choices for blaming it on life or the universe.
Yes yes Sarah is in a sad situation and/or hoist by her own petard and all, very good
Let’s get back to what’s important: Dorothy is definitely going to kill Joyce. She’s plotted it out. She has a second location in mind. Do you think she is going to go all Patrick Bateman on this or is she more a Hannibal Lecter?
She’s probably gonna play a wild card and go with a Lee Harvey Oswald approach.
Ooh, that makes good use of her encyclopedic knowledge of Joyce’s routine!
Either way, I think she should feed Joyce to herself a la Hannibal Lector. But as I am from Wisconsin, I think Dottie should also wear Joyce’s scalp as a wig.
As long as she cooks and eats Joyce’s right arm, I’m down. Mix those blonde hues, Dorothy.
Bone apple tea
I’m getting more of a Beverly Sutphin vibe from her.
a giant robot ape and a small army of kids from the future.
Pfft, like that’d ever happen. Maybe in some universe where she got together with, like, Walky and cartoon villains are real.
where do you people GET this stuff? o.O
inorite?
–Dsve, it’s so CHEESY
wouldn’t it be more likely for her to kill joe? i mean it’s not a manga where it’d be liek “if i can’t have her no one can ” yandere possessiveness kinda twist lol
See also: Fatal Attraction for the most famous example of the western trope. It’s also what the characters were talking about in How I Met Your Mother when they discussed women with “crazy eyes” and the Dobler/Dahmer Theory, and I’m sure it’s turned up in loads of other sitcoms too.
The power disparity is within Sarah, about what she knows about her own feelings and what she doesn’t know about his feelings, right?
Jacob has already told her what he would like from her.
Lines to use on your crush, it’d be amusing to see how ppl reacted
Maybe if it was a goofy light hearted way where one/two were actually friends that liked to joke around
the real power disparity
is the differing numbers of friends
they made along the way
–burma Dave
Good luck with that, Sarah.
I’m looking forward to his response when pressed on this to be something along the lines of “I have no strong feelings about you one way or the other because we’ve barely interacted at all”
Power disparity my foot
if the situation was reversed she def would not give up having hte ‘upper hand’ lol
Jacob nothing good can come from this. Just walk away.
o3o To be fair asking someone how they feel about you is scary. Nobody likes being rejected.
Sure, but there are good and bad ways to deal with that fear and Sarah is very much being bad right now.
I think she’s doing relatively ok. Except for the people who know the secret script apparently, and she’s a terrible person for them because she’s not following it.
Obviously there is only one single way ever to fall in love and if you do not follow the rules you are stinky and bad
well other than things being (more) awkward afterwards, i’d hope sarah would still try to put effort into being friends with him (assuming they even have anything in common besides caring about joyce, but have we even seen anything that stated that sarah actually liked any aspects about jacob other than his body?)
It took me 20 years to declare me to a girl. Its a crushing feeling.
Sarah’s first mistake was changing her mind and deciding to accompany Joyce to the gym at the first mention of Jacob. Everything that has happened after that, vis-a-vis her and Jacob, is her own fault (with a little “help” from Joyce).
It would probably be helpful if Sarah learned to just like, talk to Jacob for any length of time like he’s goddamned human being except those few times when she was telling stories about Joyce. Like, she spends her time ogling Jason and then getting defensive when he tries to initiate any form of conversation whatsoever. Like, maybe she should try to just get to know him as a human being for a bit.
Sarah catching feels for someone definitely feels as though it would be -incredibly- emotionally exhausting for them after a while.
I have a tendency to dislike Sarah but I always find her difficulty with interacting with people and expressing herself emotionally so relatable. She just expresses it in a different, more aggressive way than me
i’d prolly be the opposite, i’m awkward but i would def be too scared to be aggressive to ppl /make them dislike me, not that i go outta my way to be a ‘people pleaser’ but i’d rather not risk pissing off the wrong person lol
*probably
lol i always say prolly outta habit, not changing that anytime dude 😛
Prolly. Probs. Prob’ly
Yes I will use every abbreviation/other variation than the exact spelling specifically just to spite you 8D;
I’m also pretty sure there was at least one comic strip where Walky also says “prolly” do you expect the author himself to change it to where everyone speaks ‘properly’/do you have a rage induced aneurysm every time sal is on screen with dialogue? ;P
Yes I get her struggle with it, but I handle it completely opposite to her, but to a degree that is also unhealthy (according to my therapist) I am so afraid of conflict and of inconveniencing people that I barely function sometimes.
I don’t approve of her behaviour, but I love that it’s in the comic. She’s basically a kid who is learning how to deal with new situations, like that majority of the cast. Her behaviour is understandable, natural, and totally realistic. They’ve all navigated relationships in unique ways based on their individual circumstances and personalities, and that’s good shizz in writing.
I’ve shared the comic as an example in my human development course because of how realistic it is (compared to other media depictions of teens/young adults).
It’s getting old, Sarah.
What the hell
What are you afraid Sarah? The worst he can say is “ewww”
i think he already ‘did the worst’ subtly implying/calling her out on him only been seen as a ‘piece of meat’
It’s not easy. For people like her, it’s like have a gun pointed to your head.
It is.
Sarah is just me and Jacob is my wife
i’d assume you respect your wife more than sarah is respectful of anyone so far lol.
I started off as a huge asshole. It was with my wife that I grew, became more loving and open, and even a little more ok with people. I don’t know what she saw in me, but I’m glad she saw it
Aw. That’s sweet. I find Sarah’s characterisation a bit much, but choose to see it as a somewhat exaggerated snippet of her everyday interactions.
I imagine most of her day is quiet.
Talking to people? About feelings?? Noooooooooooo!
“delete everything, we can’t let ppl know we have feelings!”
man ever since Joyce got with Joe Sarah’s gone from “lovably antisocial, occasionally messes up” to “completely unlikeable tool”
I probably wouldn’t wanna be friends with her/talk with her more than necessary, but story/reading wise i’m not like “ugh can we move on to another group of charas already” (tho i def would prefer seeing more cute Becky/dina shennanigans)
I’ve honestly felt kind of similar. Like I want somebody to put her in her place and say, “you trying to hold this weird superiority over everybody is making everyone dislike being around you. Just, let things go and let yourself exist in the world for a bit for fuck’s sake.”
Jacob knows how you feel, he doesn’t know what you intend to do about it. To quote Eminem, “You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow”
…wait.
He’s gonna blow her?
I mean, she certainly blows at hitting on guys.
The good news is that Jacob is unlikely to bother with all this if he was completely uninterested.
I guess I’m curious now;
Who is and isn’t in a long term relationship in this forum?
in a relationship for 6 months, bit early to proclaim it long-term =)
6 months is enough time to decide on a tattoo, in my opinion, and that’s a lifelong commitment. You don’t have to make it forever, but realize six months is a good chunk of time! Congratulations!
Gay married since before it was legal in the US. (Tho we did take a trip up to Vancouver, BC.)
Take that, America!!! Love wins!!
My wife and I were the first “same sex” couple married in our county…even tho I’m intersex, my birth certificate says female.
In a 9 year relationship, 5 of those married, and as an introvert I get what Sarah is struggling with here. She’s clearly been through stuff that makes it hard to trust and invest in people, which is why making anything happen with Jacob would be hard to pull off, but if she could, the payoff may be transformative and healing for her.
I think Jacob is right to advocate for his personhood and that he’s sweet for trying to gently encourage her to come out of her shell and approach him. On the other hand though, he is in a position with less weight on him, seeing where she is and deciding that rather than meeting her at a level she can manage, that she needs to come out of her shell to interact with him on his level. Fine, anyone can reasonably stipulate that, but that isn’t actually charitable or empathetic here. If you see someone struggling with a bunch of groceries in their arms, and you decide to open a door for them, but they’re stumbling and dropping bags, and you start getting annoyed with them for just seeing you as a door opener for them, ignoring what they’re actually having difficulty with and only consuming what fits your narrative or righteousness and burden, that’s kind of sucky isn’t it?
That’s such a long time! It’s so sweet!!
I was hoping to get some introverts in this response! Me too, I am very guarded and shy, but I am abrasive about it because it keeps me safe. Those who get past that just realize I’m “candid.” Sarah is brutal because she needs to be, but she is trying in her own way. I noticed a lot of the people answering that they’re in a relationship aren’t the ones being nasty-even if they don’t like her behavior, it’s still being approached with empathy. You don’t have to agree with her to be understanding.
You totally get the scenario here. People in this comment section are being really unkind to Sarah’s situation. I love Sarah because I see myself in her, and know that if she works at it she can grow…but it takes patience and kindness. Thanks for your reply!
Married 45 years — I guess that counts as “long term”.
I dunno, I think you two need to go a few more years /joking.
I’m glad you’re going strong! Would you tell me a little about them?
We’re both fairly strongly introverted, and both rather laid-back. On the plus side we argue sometimes but don’t fight. On the minus side we often just agree to disagree and then we stay out of each other’s way on that issue, with the result that a lot of things don’t get done or resolved.
Got me beat, only 38 years married here, together for 44 years however.
I’m poly with an RA/solo style. So it really depends on your definition. I either have 0, 1 (of one year) or 2 (one year and five years).
Fantastic!! Poly terms can get complicated, so I admit I had to look it up. My wife and I have a crush on a woman who is solo style as well, lol. I’m so glad you found your fit!!
Been with my now-husband 18.5 years, which is over half his lifetime and virtually half of mine. We were friends for 2 years first, then I realised I like-liked him. And am near Sarah-levels of bad at communicating so told him when we were texting at about 4AM that I like-liked somebody for just about the third time in my life and to guess who.
Next time we met up, I wasn’t very well, went on a coffee-and-sugar high and slide from that to tipsy, and then we kissed. And then when we were sober and he made me magic toast that stayed hot until you ate it and that made my stomach not hurt (I don’t get hangovers but hadn’t been eating properly for a few days at that point because I was unwell) we talked properly and agreed we were bf/gf and also had started dating the previous day so we could say we got together on April 1st.
Romance!
Also, I may be demisexual. I just thought I was very slow for a long time.
A lot of people in this forum think that people who are bad communicators can never fall in love/aren’t worthy of it. I’m glad we have a good example of how that’s not true. You two sound adorable together and I love your love!
I’m asexual and my wife is aromantic. More people are understanding themselves, and it’s super exciting. I’m so happy you are happy, keep up the tomfoolery with that excellent anniversary
Married to my partner 19 years this year. Setting us up on a blind date was pretty much the only positive thing our mutual acquaintance ever did in the realms of romance.
We do pretty well, having survived everything up to and including my partner awakening to the fact they are enby a couple years back.
That’s so sweet. It’s exciting to hear a blind date story turned out so well
My wife is enby too. We still use “wife” cuz we like it, but she/he(not awake yet, cannot ask) is gender fluid and I am neutrois.
7.5 years dating, including 1.5 years married. Pregnant with our first kiddo.
We met while we were both working at a Renaissance Faire. Sometimes I hear him harranging faire-goers in the wind, and I fall in love all over again.
Awww!!!!!!! Congratulations on your first wee babe!
Thank you!! ^^
40+ years. Starting to feel long term.
Maybe another few weeks 😉
How did you two meet? 🙂
Three years, long distance tho bc pandemic + broke + visas are dumb. Got big plans for the future
🙁
That is so rough, sorry about the global garbage
This is our fifth year of dating, though due to the pandemic it both feels like no time at all and like a million years.
I’ve found it’s really comforting to feel that way. We had that experience before the pandemic, and so I think: it might just be love, my friend! I’m glad you got to have your puppy-years when you were shut in together.
Tho…I don’t know when the puppy dog years end?? Do they ever???
Pff. It was long-distance until literally this summer, and the pandemic really slowed down the process of moving across state lines to live with each other, but I know I love her. 🙂
Oh damn I misread, haha, sorry!
If I’m reading right this time: you two are physically together now?
Yep! So far so good <3
Also you’re totally fine, I could have been clearer. My thousand yard pandemic stare was NOT audible through text. 🙂
Sorry, I swore a sacred oath to never tell anyone my relationship status, under any circumstances.
Hardly a regular here but been with my spouse for… hmm. Twelve years? Thirteen in Feb. I think. Got married the year it was legalised here.
I was dating a guy for three years, until I accidentally killed him in a car crash. Married the EMT who pulled me out of the car.
Been with my partner 20 years (not interested in marriage and don’t need it in Aotearoa to have rights as a couple).
Married, ten years.
This panel made me remember that Jacob has some trauma regarding being seen exclusively as a sexual object, and that this entire morning has to have been REAL crappy for him.
Source4trauma: https://www.dumbingofage.com/2017/comic/book-7/02-everything-youve-ever-wanted/sex/
You’d have thought Sarah might have remembered that
It does feel a little inconsistent, yeah.
I’m not going to go so far as to say Sarah doesn’t CARE about other people, but it’s been true for the entire comic that she prefers to ostentatiously project an aura of not caring about what other people think or want.
And back then, Joe thought that was all French! He must be learning.
damn my favorite detail about that strip is Joe struggling to even grasp the concept of having an emotional conversation. boy came a long way. whereas Sarah is still in the same place, but fully convinced that Joe is the same guy he was last year.
I wonder how much of Joe’s behaviour was how he really felt vs how he felt he needed to act
Sarah *has* been giving some really neurodivergent vibes in this scene with her complete inability to express herself coupled with a panicky inability to read others.
I’m connecting with this as someone who is personally really bad at expressing vulnerable affection verbally and mostly relies on insulting people who Know What I Mean. So, like, I get it. Putting yourself out there is really scary and overwhelming. It doesn’t excuse Sarah being crummy, but I get it.
I don’t think this a result of being Neruodivergency but something she developed from her pwn experiences.
nowadays people literally think someone can’t have bad social skills without also having autism, and boy does it get old
You are literally replying to a thread of ND people who say they find Sarah’s behavior relatable, so maybe this isn’t the right place for complaining about that.
Interesting that you jump immediately to autism, as tho it’s the only neurodivergency available. Very understanding of you e.e
Now my take on Sarah is Borderline Personality Disorder. What lead me here is: defensiveness, disorganized attachment style, push and pull in her friendships, and her extreme mood swings
Neuroplasticity does mean that neurodivergence can be a result of experiences. People overestimate the power of genetics, I think it is an ego-defense thing, where they fear that admitting that experiences can have an effect might result in them being called fake.
genetics is only the basic blueprints you picked up to build from. It isn’t the finished house you live in. You need to hire a bunch of Epigenetic subcontractors to put it all together.
It’s a skill that can be learned, but it takes conscious effort forever.
The question is: is Sarah really a misanthrope who has no interest/wish in being vulnerable or relying on others resulting in difficulty relating to people and opening up, or has her difficulty relating to people and opening up led to her acting like a misanthrope who has no interest in being vulnerable as cover to make it seem/feel like it’s on purpose?
Think back to the Halloween decorations thingy where Joyce suggested she pretended she had a problem with it so Sarah could enjoy it, without people knowing she got genuine pleasure from something fun and a tad kitchsy-cutesy and Sarah was THRILLED because this way she could celebrate Halloween without anybody other than Little Sister knowing that actually she CARED and wanted to participate in the thing. Also, note it was Joyce’s suggestion: Sarah wouldn’t ask Joyce to act like she had additional neuroses and was distressed for her benefit (and knew Joyce was actually cool with Halloween). It hadn’t occurred to her that Joyce could/would do that for her.
Sarah is TERRIFIED of people recognising her as a human capable of feeling warmth, and affection and joy. She needs them to write her off as bitter and mean.
But she doesn’t want Jacob to do that… She likes him. And he… Tolerates her? And knows she likes him? And she doesn’t know how to relax and let him see her brave, caring side, to just chat to him and be friendly…
I think she thinks she’s unlikeable, and it hurts being putting her best self forward and being rejected or discarded, so she’s crusty. In her Dana flashback, Dana described her as being ‘lonely and withdrawn’, but she described herself as a ‘bongoy killjoy misanthrope’. She opened up to Raidah and her friends, and they treat her like she’s the devil.
Are we sure it’s Joyce who’s the one that needed a diagnosis for neurodivergency?
oops! all autism/problems disorder.
Man, it’s way more fun when the mistakes result in crunchberries or marshmallows.
Sarah full on “no vulnerability!! Only honesty!!!”
No vulnerability! No vulnerability! You’re the vulnerability!
Huh.
Just had a thought while reading an article about broken dnd builds that has nothing to do with today’s strip: what if Jacob leaked the Do List?
We never found out who did it.
Joe isn’t shy about his friends knowing about it.
Jacob doesn’t like being seen as simply a sexual object.
And Jacob does have a sense of justice/wanting to stand up for people like his brother.
Maybe all that manifested into an opportunity and he leaked it.
Of course, it doesn’t have to be him, but it would be an extremely minor mystery solved vs it being no one we’ve seen and thus no one of significance.
i don’t think this is true but that would be an absolutely epic arc and it would be justified and the fallout would be interesting
like what’s Joe supposed to do, get mad? when you get right down to it, whoever leaked the list, did him a huge solid, in terms of his development as a person in the long-term. He’s got the kind of relationship right now, that he thought was an unattainable fantasy for most of his life, he’s more open with his friends; Joe’s life got immediately worse following the leak, but every single thing after that has been a radical improvement on where he was at, back when he was an emotionally closed-shut sex addict who couldn’t connect with literally anybody!
Jacob could be less stubborn and have in hus mind that Sarah cannot express her feelings.
He’s acting like Sarah offended him, but it’s not true.
Have more compassion, dude.
Sarah *has* offended him by being super-blatantly only interested in him as, to quote, “a piece of meat”
I get that she has her hangups, but Jacob doesn’t owe her shit here. It’s 100% on her to fix her own problems.
This morning Sarah has both expressed disinterest in/incapability of conversation in favour of “just keeping [her] eyes” on him and kinda attempted to shut down their mutual friend Joyce’s self-confidence boost partially by dunking on Jacob’s friend Joe.
I’m not gonna claim that Sarah’s a shitty person or anything, but she has been real callous this morning and Jacob’s well within his right to be stubborn or standoffish in response to that. Here’s hoping she realises she’s been a bit of a prick and grows a bit.
Wereg also pointed out that he has previously revealed his fear/discomfort with only being seen/treated like a sexual object TO SARAH. So her behaviour has been super offensive.
If a guy friend (of a friend (of a friend)) spotted me at the gym and did nothing but ogle my breasts I would not show him as much consideration as Jacob has.
Are we talking about this page? If yes, I’m sorry if I could not figure out, but there’s nothing that much offensive about Sarah there.
Was she staring at Jacob’s chest or hips? The page is not clear to show if Sarah is looking to Jacob with bad intentions.
(I can considerate a bit if we are talking about this page.)
I personally am talking about this whole scene/interaction, because I think it makes more sense to see behaviour in context rather than individual frames.
It’s not Jacob’s responsibility to coddle Sarah through figuring out how to express herself, and he has absolutely no obligation to put up with behaviour that he considers unacceptable.
Sorry, but the only one who needs a bit of compassion here is Sarah. She’s so caught up in how she feels about Jacob, that she has absolutely no regard for how he feels about her or how her behaviour affects him.
Uh, maybe this is an English second language thing so, if it is I’m sorry for harping on your wording. But it’s kinda up to him whether or not she’s offended him. And he clearly feels offended by her behavior
I’m thinking Amos meant that she hasn’t committed an offense? I can see that argument; she ogled but she didn’t make gross commentary or touch him.
That said, I agree that Jacob felt… maybe not offended. I might say hurt?
I remain surprised that he considers Sarah a friend, but everything he’s said from first greeting her in this storyline has indicated he does, so I think he feels hurt by the objectification more than morally outraged. If that makes sense.
Yes, exactly.
Yay! Correct interpretation achieved 🙂
Yup, the last decade or so in a nutshell.
Wow Sarah, who knew being super cold to people made them not like you
ah here jacob she’s clearly trying to now
What’s unfair about a power disparity?
Lots of things. The only problem is, that it doesn’t matter if it’s unfair or not. That’s just life. Either you live with it or you do something about it, but yelling about how it’s ‘unfair’ is going to get you nowhere fast.
I honestly don’t know how to answer that; it’s like asking “What’s round about a soccer ball?” and the only answer I can think of is “the fact it’s round. Being round is one of the main things making it a soccer ball. If it wasn’t round, it would be something else.”
Which, to be clear, doesn’t mean this is a soccer ball, even if I’m undecided as to whether or not it’s round.
(Yes, this is one of those situations where the Brit had to say “soccer” because saying “football” would have confused the issue.)
(Should have used a basketball.)
So, to be clear: Sarah has not done anything like this before, I don’t think it’s a trend, and I think it’s because she’s uncomfortable being vulnerable rather than anything else.
But I really hate the inappropriate use of social justice language here. No, there’s not a “power disparity” here (and to Willis’s credit, it’s obvious that everyone involved, readers included, know that.)
Words mean things, and to use language like this when it’s inappropriate devalues its usage when it really matters- such as, say, when Sal & Bowtie were getting it on.
The use of this language here is as a bludgeon- it says “this situation is inherently unequal. Thus, I demand redress and you are a bad person if you don’t redress it in the way I demand.” When the situation *is* unequal, that’s a valid thing to say. But when it’s not (like here, obviously), it’s essentially lying. And that’s bad.
Inequal information is a power disparity in politics, war, deception, conversation, emotion, pet ownership, parenthood, and any other possible social relationship. It is not a concept specific to social justice.
I am all for social justice in all forms, but it often sounds like the speakers for social justice think they invented the concept of power. They should read more. (I think that about everyone, so that statement doesn’t mean as much as it seems.) I can recommend Machiavelli, Plato, Thoreau, and Orwell. I hear good things about Nietzsche as well but I haven’t read his work. Technically I should promote Marx’s work as well, but he is a terrible writer & communicator, and the summaries tend to do a lot of projecting their own assumptions, in my limited experience.
I feel liiiike Sarah bringing up the “power disparity”
A) isn’t so much accusing Jacob of actively doing anything wrong as generally cursing fate. Power disparity isn’t proof of wrongdoing, its just an important piece of context
B) is so preposterous on its face that it comes across more being a cute panicked thing to say than a morally reprehensible act
My two cents
HOORAY! Go Sarah! Be brave! Talk with him! It’s so nice to see her finally do something to get to know Jacob as a person. Let’s hope this changes everything for her.
Finally!!! Someone sees this is her big effort!!
I hope she gets to grow to be more open!
All is fair, Sarah, in love and war
AND YOU ARE SOMEHOW DOING BOTH
Gender swap this. Sarah’s working out and some guy she knows comes over and stares at her body but barely speaks to her. When called on this by Sarah he yells at her. Time for someone to intervene.
Sarah is deep into a “mistakes were made but not by me” situation. She and Joyce have both blown it with Jacob and it’s not his fault. A little honesty would have gone a long way but they couldn’t manage it.
You could do that with a few of the arcs in this strip and it’d make the board explode
Why bother “gender swapping” this? It’s already bad. Things don’t have to be compared to worse things to understand they’re bad.
Literally a few comments above have people praising Sarah for “Finally opening up”. The gender swapping is needed, sadly
I’m shipping Jacob with Dorothy now.
I love Sarah, but I have to wonder what she thinks she could possibly have done or said, ever, to make Jacob like her.
When Sarah lets her guard down, she’s fun to be around. She cares about Joyce, she recognized “goofy stuff Joyce does” wasn’t an unfair thing to talk to him about, even though she had trouble talking about other things.
And Joyce speaks highly of Sarah. Jacob was impressed that Joyce punched Ross after he kidnapped Becky. If they talked more about that, Joyce might have obliquely mentioned how Sarah did something like that for her.
Also, Sarah is pretty and cute.
Like I said, I love Sarah. Sarah is great.
However. She has not demonstrated any of her great qualities to or around Jacob.
I hate it when the Radiah Was Right brigade have a point, but I am also quite prepared to acknowledge it, and in this case, jeez, Sarah.
The only time “Raidah was right about” needs to be in a sentence is if the other half is “to leave and never come back”.
Yeah, Raidah’s (wholly dishonest) argument is that Sarah is an irredeemable terrible person because when Raidah’s pal Dana was difficult to be around, Sarah bailed. All the things I’m leaving out here aside, it’s kind of weird how often people to use that to say people should bail on Sarah when she’s difficult to be around.
Sarah: is a B to Dorothy
Sarah: is a B to Joyce
Sarah: is a B to Joe
Sarah: Treats Jacob like a piece of meat
I don’t think she’s autistic or neurodivergent or anything like that.
i think she’s just an angry/unpleasant B. sometimes if it walks like a B, talks like a B, puts down her “friends” like a B, and puts down other people like a B, she might just be a B.
You can make all the excuses you want, but at the end of the day, she really is just an unpleasant B of a person. Correct me if i’m wrong, but didn’t she once tell lucy that she’s just the latest piece of meat for walky to pump&dump?
Agreed 100%
you’re wrong. she did not tell Lucy that. She told Lucy Walky was just a piece of meat she was going to pump and dump.
Thank you for the correction.
in response to it, i would like to point out that the correction doesn’t make it any better.
it’s just as bad, but in the opposite direction.
It would be just as bad if Lucy wasn’t treating Walky like a hunk of meat
But she is treating Walky like that
But not *only* that. Sure, she’s horny as hell for him, but they share interests and have good times together. Sure, there are some factors of the relationship that are questionable on Walky’s side (dating Lucy seems to be a coping mechanism for him, since it’s an easy relationship that prevents him from thinking too much about certain things).
Sarah’s situation is a lot worse since she’s essentially acting like old Joe but in extreme denial.
I wouldn’t intentionally socialize with the Walkertons for someone I thought of, that way.
you asked, in your post containing a gendered slur 10 times.
yes, an i am honestly thanking you for the correction. i tend to forget details about things, or forget new details into things.
also, B works for both men and women. just like A-Hole works for both men and women.
Unless B means something other than bongo, which it pretty clearly doesn’t from context, it’s absolutely a gendered slur. You can use it on a man, but it’s still referencing the same misogynistic concept.
You’re not wrong
“I’d give a lot of dough / if on-ly I could know
the answer to my ques-tion – is it yes or is it no?”
–Dave, doooes yooour …
Jacob has so much patience I am amazed that he still treats Sarah with any amount of pleasantry and also keeps giving her openings to grow
Has the page not been updating for people until like 12:15? Mine has been refreshing/updating later and later, I swear.
100% unrelated to the strip, a little anecdote I find amusing and maybe nobody else will. But maybe someone will, so:
I’ve been looking for a version of the golem legend. One written by a Jewish author, where the Rabbi writes אמת (truth) on its forehead which animates it, and removes the alef to make מת (dead) to stop it. Articles about the stories say that element is pretty common, but I’m starting to suspect its a lot more common in versions written by non-Jewish authors.
I’ve exhausted what I could easily find on the internet, so I’m doing library books now. In one, there’s a glossary, and under “Midrash” it includes “The large body of Talmudic literature that developed during the second century of the Common Era.” After “Common Era” a previous reader penciled in “(AD)”. It seemed kind of disrespectful*, so I erased it. As I was, I realized the congruence(?) of it. That’s what amuses me, a little meaningful coincidence that doesn’t mean anything other than what it is.
*unintentionally disrespectful, I expect
oops wrong day. guess its a little surprise for you, Archive Scrounger.