My college’s Biology department building – which was my major so I spent a lot of time there – had the shell of giant clam on display. It was beautiful in a tragic sort of way – up close you could see the marks on the exterior where it suffered cuts, these complex patterns of erosion and the calcified remains of coral that had grown on it. It was like a whole reef in miniature. It must have been so majestic when it was alive. I hope it wasn’t harvested for its shell and they just bought on someone found already dead.
ohhh that sounds magnificent.
Where Arlo Guthrie grew up, I saw a natural history museum that had a huge clamshell in it. Not as big and marvelous-sounding as the one you’re talking about, but I did wonder if it was THE CLAM that inspired the story-song of Reuben Clamso.
From an optional action in the somewhat well-known interactive fiction game I-0 (all these preceeded by “Though you spend as much time ” and followed by ” as the next girl, this may not be the right moment.”):
splittin’ the kitten
dialing zero
tickling the elmo
exploring South America
in single digits
ringing for service
drawing inside the lines
giving yourself the finger
diving into the deep end
taming the lion
playing solitaire
running in circles
stroking the tabby
(I used the TXD tool to extract these; pretty sure they’re selected randomly in-game.)
Rang your own bell
Light your own lamp
Waved your own banner
Swung your own gate
Popped your springs
Burned your bridge
Quacked your duck
Cooked your own goose
Splashed your dressing
I wonder why they changed it in the first place? And who thought that new logo was a good idea; I mean, somebody in that company HAD to have known, right?
lol i’m surprised she’d say that to joe even as like a euphemism, though be interesting to see joe/amber’s reaction if it was like “dorothy was in the room and we were holding hands til the last couple minutes”
She’s been less ashamed about private stuff with Joe than with other people. And her talk with Becky helped her with her shame response to horniness. Becky assured her sex didn’t make people wretched. It’s something she knew, but shame isn’t about knowing facts, it’s the emotional response. And that’s what was holding her back. Dorothy didn’t tell/show her anything she couldn’t have gotten elsewhere. Elsewheres that don’t pose a risk of increasing her shame reflex.
even if you’re able to casually talk it about a friend, i def wouldn’t say it to someone i was interested in or vice versa since it might def be awkward/prolly end up sending unintentional signals or so. Or def more of a power dynamic thing since joyce said she rarely had the ‘upper hand’ or whatever ,so letting someone know she was affected enough by them to need to ‘relieve’ herself would def be something they don’t want to give someone as ammo
Never realized that there were that many euphemisms out there for female masturbation. The only two I knew of were ‘jilling off’ and ‘playing the slots’.
I just today heard the SNL sketch from January where Aubrey Plaza asked “Is it a crime to want a man who can eat a plum to completion?” in a film noir parody and I may never recover.
I’ve never eaten a plum that didn’t have an absolutely disgusting texture, no matter how ripe and perfect I was assured it was by the nearest Person Who Knows About Plums.
In other words, the exact opposite of performing oral. Maybe other people’s plums were actually edible, but the euphemism haunts me.
In retrospect, if you want to keep X secret, It would be better to not euphemismicly disclose that you’ve done X, secure in the knowledge that no one will figure out the euphemism, to people who know far more about X than you and have been euphemisming that they’ve been doing X for thousands of times longer than you have.
So far, Asher’s been pretty good at keeping “possible accessory to murder” secret, but also, I don’t know if anyone in the cast actively cares about solving Blaine’s murder, because it’s Blaine.
I don’t know if anyone has called it yet, but I think Joe is going to have performance anxiety. He is attracted to her physically, but he hasn’t actually be a tower of libido towards her since he before he fell for her. Maybe I’m just projecting an episode of Taxi onto them, but I can imagine her emotional and physical attraction to him being synched up more than his.
This should all be very encouraging for Joe. Id be encouraged. And also take it a challenge. ‘oh, you hadta’ bulwark’ yourself against my ‘charms’ eh? Oh no I seem to have dropped my pencil over here, how clumsy, oh no it’s rolled under there. Ah good got it, just gotta streeeetch that out now mm yea’
I would argue that every successive euphemism used in short succession is worse than the last due to the stringing together, independent of the euphemism’s own merits, and thus a fifth euphemism is by definition very upsetting.
…Okay, but that’s got to be an intentional spoof, right? Like when everyone was saying there was an episode of the seventies UK kids’ show Rainbow that had them all talking about “plucking their twangers” and “playing with a friend’s balls”, and it turned out they’d actually done it for an ITV Christmas party and it was never intended for broadcast in any timeslot. It’s like that, right?
This was in the 1950s and yes, it was an actual part of the broadcast. Most likely it was an inside joke with the production crew, but Froggy used to appear with a prominent “boing-ng” sound effect. A cool bit for the kids, and no doubt a fun wink-wink to the parents dropping in to see wgat was on TV.
Idk mang, being a female with innie reproductive organs and everything, I don’t personally think I’ve felt uninterested in sex after using the target self checkout. I can’t genuinely imagine it being a bulwark against finding someone attractive, indeed at least as far as I’m aware it tends to make everyone a lot -more- attractive. Like, you’ve stimulated one area yes, but what about another? Things happened on a place, what about in a place? And vice versa.
Yeah, I don’t follow the logic either.
Also, according to science (or at least Sexplanations), Jilling off regularly makes sex with a partner feel better. So yeah, both Dorothy and Joyce thinking an orgasm would make Joyce less likely to fuck Joe means that neither of them did their research because the exact opposite is true.
Dorothy is not as knowledgeable as she thinks, and sometimes she accidentally misinforms people or gives them bad advice. Dumbing of Age includes Dorothy.
This means nothing of how the narrative will turn out, but it’s been entertaining to watch Joe and Joyce have an approximate dynamic I know has lead into around 10 years of what’s evolved to biguys marriage (transition).
I would also like the share that the Japanese word for masturbation (自慰) literally translates as ‘self consolation’ 😀
Well one of the words. As you may well imagine, there are several.
Dumbing of Age book 13: For even though you are a 6’3″ man-shaped tower of libido, I have performed an elaborate procedure to bulwark me against your charms
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…we’re BOTH makin’ up words now, right?
Joyce (thinking): …do I want clarification about poking the Palpatine??
Or palpatine the Pokemon…
Palpating the pokemon.
My favorite so far. 😊😊😊
dang this is a good storyline for faces 😀
Panel 5!
The face beneath the hood. Yo know, Palpatine.
OMG
Thank you. I was having a hard time figuring out that one too.
And playing with the dark side of the force.
Just gonna say most women look a hell of a lot better under their hoods than Palpatine did in the silly Ewoks movie.
Well, Palpatine usually DID wear a hood over his bald head…
I have to say it every time I see past strips: it’s insane how much the art has evolved over a decade!
Changed your own oil.
Tickled your clam.
Did laundry.
Spin Cycle!
Paddled her own canoe
Touched your tralala
hmmm, her ding ding dong
Flicked your bean
She bop.
ringed her be-e-ell,
ringed her bell
An hour in bed on TikTok
Twanged her own banjo
Don’t tickle clams, they beautiful and majestic creatures of the sea. Some can live over four centuries.
And when they get to be that old, they get to be big. I mean real big. I mean humongous!
Humongous, giant clams.
My college’s Biology department building – which was my major so I spent a lot of time there – had the shell of giant clam on display. It was beautiful in a tragic sort of way – up close you could see the marks on the exterior where it suffered cuts, these complex patterns of erosion and the calcified remains of coral that had grown on it. It was like a whole reef in miniature. It must have been so majestic when it was alive. I hope it wasn’t harvested for its shell and they just bought on someone found already dead.
ohhh that sounds magnificent.
Where Arlo Guthrie grew up, I saw a natural history museum that had a huge clamshell in it. Not as big and marvelous-sounding as the one you’re talking about, but I did wonder if it was THE CLAM that inspired the story-song of Reuben Clamso.
Arlo Guthrie for the win!
Mysteried your Science Theatre 3000 times
ok this one got me XD
Acted with integrity.
Tickled the pickle.
Danced with death (hood +/or petit mort)
Mortified the flesh.
Whipped the batter to a froth.
Washed the marble.
Sailed the tide.
Churned the butter.
Beat the carpet.
Drove stick solo.
Sewed the button.
Made the soup and stirred the pot.
Washed the purse.
Put a penny in the purse.
Put a penny in the purse and won the jackpot.
Conversed with oneself.
Sewed the seam.
Played pirate.
Parallel parked the speedboat.
Shelled the peas.
Captained the ship.
Dug up the potato.
Picked the mushroom.
Picked the pocket.
Picked the pickle.
Pickled the onion.
From an optional action in the somewhat well-known interactive fiction game I-0 (all these preceeded by “Though you spend as much time ” and followed by ” as the next girl, this may not be the right moment.”):
splittin’ the kitten
dialing zero
tickling the elmo
exploring South America
in single digits
ringing for service
drawing inside the lines
giving yourself the finger
diving into the deep end
taming the lion
playing solitaire
running in circles
stroking the tabby
(I used the TXD tool to extract these; pretty sure they’re selected randomly in-game.)
(Courtesy of Frank Loesser)
Rang your own bell
Light your own lamp
Waved your own banner
Swung your own gate
Popped your springs
Burned your bridge
Quacked your duck
Cooked your own goose
Splashed your dressing
Is that what you kids are callin’ it these days? Back in my day we did it through two feet o’ snow uphill both ways.
But you still did it, because by god, it was the right thing to do, and every true ‘Murrican were willing to make this sacrifice for God and Country!
Walmart logo? Pika pika?
Also, LOL 🤣🤣🤣
Dumbing of Age Book 13: Because the Walmart Logo Looks Like an Anus
now available at Walmart!
I LOLed at this one, just not very loud.
Fully prepared for Joe to be having A Moment at the mental imagery.
Poking your Palpatine sounds like an unnecessary euphemism for charging your cell phone. UNLIMITED POWER!!!
Amber is the BEST sister but holy shit. Panel 4 made me involuntarily horror shudder.
Amber is Great
Re: alt text, you can’t just say that and not share. Commit to the bit! Apologize to your wife later :p
Seconded!
At least give a confirmation if somebody guesses it.
Third!
give us the horror
fourthed?
fifth!
I also want to know what this euphemism was.
Maggie knows best. Or at least that would be my bet.
Sometimes it’s more fun to leave something as a mystery.
especially if the mystery is just gonna make everyone go ew
i’m fin with that sort of mystery
I AM DYING TO KNOW. UPSET ME!
The world needs to know
The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some would consider to be…unnatural 😏
Ironic. He could save others from [little] death, but not himself.
I’m sorry.
Joyce, you could have said the entirety of panel 2 *inside* your head
But then, I suppose, you would not be Joyce
To borrow a line from Lovage, you stroked that furry coat. XD
Wow, i hadn’t thought of Lovage in a minute XD
Good wholesome fun.
Bulwark
You know what they say: if it warks like a bull,
And Maggie’s usually right about the upsetting stuff. Hi Maggie!
By Request: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNUX82Pcz6Q
You know now that she mentions it the Walmart symbol does look like that….I miss the smiley faces.
I wonder why they changed it in the first place? And who thought that new logo was a good idea; I mean, somebody in that company HAD to have known, right?
Welp guess I’m never looking at the Walmart logo again for the rest of my life without thinking about that and laughing
Save money. Live better. *
Wow, Joyce has been going at it enough to develop an elaborate procedure in so short a time.
Today’s Reddit post, Mystery Twin: https://www.reddit.com/r/dumbingofage/comments/11sjlw3/dumbing_of_age_headcannon_despite_not_much_being/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
And this is day 6 of the Greatest Rivals Poll:
https://www.reddit.com/r/dumbingofage/comments/11ob9xb/greatest_nemesis_type_rivalry_in_doa/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Check out the Yellow Pages. Let your fingers do the walking.
That is such a 20th century reference.
Well, I do turn 59 in a week and a half.
I doubt she’s gotten to the Target Self-Checkout.
Probably more at the… Dover “Bulls “Eye Care.
There are not a lot of oval logos.
There’s got to be some mom-and-pop florists who have orchid logos. Mom-and-Pop situations are less of a solo thing though.
you’d be surprised.
There’s a place called the red orchid theater.
Feels oddly appropriate given the subject and her choice of venue.
And the Target logo DOESN’T look like an anus????
It looks more like a nipple, I suppose.
It looks like a Lyme infection.
If your anus looks like the Target logo you should seek medical attention
Take my imaginary upvote!
I really like Amber and Joyce’s dynamic here and hope we get a lot more of it
I’ve been enjoying all the arcs as of late but have admittedly missed Amber’s presence for much of it!
…What was the other euphemism
Danced by herself? Rode the Magic Wand? Tickled the kitty? “Performed an elaborate procedure” is a good euphemism too, I have to admit.
Rang the devil’s doorbell, dingdongditched, scratched the evil itch, polished the pearl, went clamdiving, oscar’s her grouch….
nobody on this planet says “poked Palpatine” as an euphemism for masturbation, I’ll eat my fucking hat if anyone does.
Amber does. There is a picture of her saying it on this very page.
Amber is not a real person
Okay, fine, Willis does. (Or did, in this one comic.)
Anyway, silliness aside, looks like Willis indeed had Amber make up a new euphemism.
I have no faith in this “Target Self-Checkout” thing either.
I can at least get the logic of target self checkout. I’m still trying to wrap my mind around “poked your Palpatine”…
I didn’t get it either, til Stu pointed out that Palpatine is a bald man who wears a hood.
alt text makes me wonder what the others were if there was something more ‘uspetting’ than poked palpatine lol
I am now
“eating ones own hat”
I can’t think of anything less conducive to masturbation than an Emperor analogy
Joke’s on you though Joyce, once (or twice) is never enough
Snrrk, very nice, very nice.
lol i’m surprised she’d say that to joe even as like a euphemism, though be interesting to see joe/amber’s reaction if it was like “dorothy was in the room and we were holding hands til the last couple minutes”
She’s been less ashamed about private stuff with Joe than with other people. And her talk with Becky helped her with her shame response to horniness. Becky assured her sex didn’t make people wretched. It’s something she knew, but shame isn’t about knowing facts, it’s the emotional response. And that’s what was holding her back. Dorothy didn’t tell/show her anything she couldn’t have gotten elsewhere. Elsewheres that don’t pose a risk of increasing her shame reflex.
even if you’re able to casually talk it about a friend, i def wouldn’t say it to someone i was interested in or vice versa since it might def be awkward/prolly end up sending unintentional signals or so. Or def more of a power dynamic thing since joyce said she rarely had the ‘upper hand’ or whatever ,so letting someone know she was affected enough by them to need to ‘relieve’ herself would def be something they don’t want to give someone as ammo
Hot damn I could listen to Amber list these off all day I’m cracking the hell up over here
She’s got a million of them.
I’m sure of it too! Ammo for days.
Never realized that there were that many euphemisms out there for female masturbation. The only two I knew of were ‘jilling off’ and ‘playing the slots’.
Anything can be a euphemism for anything given the right context and intonation.
“The Secretary General of the United Nations.”
“Nice.”
Maybe, but Dave’s “Act with integrity” is hard to beat in context.
I just today heard the SNL sketch from January where Aubrey Plaza asked “Is it a crime to want a man who can eat a plum to completion?” in a film noir parody and I may never recover.
I’ve never eaten a plum that didn’t have an absolutely disgusting texture, no matter how ripe and perfect I was assured it was by the nearest Person Who Knows About Plums.
In other words, the exact opposite of performing oral. Maybe other people’s plums were actually edible, but the euphemism haunts me.
So, she admits he has charms. And that she cranked it before this encounter specifically to mitigate how bad she wants his body.
yeah, only a matter of time before they knock boots for real. wonder if the next slipshine will come out same time as last year…
…It DOES look like that. Huh.
In retrospect, if you want to keep X secret, It would be better to not euphemismicly disclose that you’ve done X, secure in the knowledge that no one will figure out the euphemism, to people who know far more about X than you and have been euphemisming that they’ve been doing X for thousands of times longer than you have.
Is there anyone in this comic who is any good at actually keeping secrets? (Dina, maybe.)
So far, Asher’s been pretty good at keeping “possible accessory to murder” secret, but also, I don’t know if anyone in the cast actively cares about solving Blaine’s murder, because it’s Blaine.
“Flick the Bean”
Is also a good one.
ooo love that one.
How about “operate my coin slot”? XD
“Who’s flickling Leslie?’ 😳
Not Robin!
Oh you mean @LeslieBean4shizzle too me almost a whole day to get what you meant.
I don’t know if anyone has called it yet, but I think Joe is going to have performance anxiety. He is attracted to her physically, but he hasn’t actually be a tower of libido towards her since he before he fell for her. Maybe I’m just projecting an episode of Taxi onto them, but I can imagine her emotional and physical attraction to him being synched up more than his.
ugh, multiple typos. “Louie and the Nice Girl” is the episode I’m thinking of.
Here for the Taxi reference.
The Target self check out. As a former Target employee, that took me out hahaha
My local Target doesn’t have self check out 🎯
Amber is occasionally tough for me, but dang if I am not 100% fully on board with Amber and Joyce being friends.
Don’t mind Joe, he’s just screaming internally
Sailors call it aqua dementia, the deep-down crazies, the wet willies, the screaming moist!
WELP I’ll never unsee that: now going to Walmart is gonna be REALLY WEIRD.
Sheesh, with all the euphemisms that’s churned out, this feels like a round of— JOE’S 6’3″?!
Is a laid-back Joyce really an obvious sign that she… blasted the Baja?
So bets on if Joyce is lying about knowing all those euphemisms or if she’s telling the truth?
I think she had put the context together, but didn’t really understand each individual euphemism.
Yeah, you don’t really have to have known all the euphemisms up front to recognize them when you hear them.
Especially when it’s in reference to one you just used.
Amber, all I gotta say is “E Pluribus Anus”.
Now I’m picturing Dean Pelton as a Walmart greeter…
This should all be very encouraging for Joe. Id be encouraged. And also take it a challenge. ‘oh, you hadta’ bulwark’ yourself against my ‘charms’ eh? Oh no I seem to have dropped my pencil over here, how clumsy, oh no it’s rolled under there. Ah good got it, just gotta streeeetch that out now mm yea’
Panel 4 is my new favorite Amber face.
What a glorious day 😛
I learned so many new euphemisms today… from the comic and the comments!
But seriously!
Poking your Palpatine? rofl
Yeah, if I was a girl, I’d cringe at the thought of calling it my Palpatine. XD
…
Amber will replace Mike and will chaperone Joyce, won’t she?
Maybe reverse chaperone
Also Amber’s said she’s 5’3″ in one strip, so Joe is a whole foot taller than his sister.
Some good titles!
“Man-shaped tower of libido”
“I have performed an elaborate procedure to bulwark me against your charms”
I wonder how Joe feels about this conversation
Okay let’s roll the Gravatar roulette one more time
I still miss Mike from time to time, but on the other hand his loss is allowing new great things into DoA, like this delicious Amber 2.0.
the hubris of panel 2, tho
Can we adapt the term “quantum of solace” to Joyce’s situation?
I don’t think describing someone as a 6’3 man-shaped tower of libido sounds like your desires are very bulwarked, joyce
poorly concealed, maybe
I’m the most clueless dude on the planet, and even I would have picked up on that
She cast her body into the cragged shame pits of the lustwolves.
Can Joe, being Joe, hear this?
If paddling your canoe was the solution, was Joe the core problem?
She caught the gyrados?
I think that’s moved into euphemisms for phallic stuff. Rather than hand shandy.
Amie’ed the Cloyster.
More like the Cloyster…
Hang on I gotta google something real quick…
Yeah, cloyster is way better
I’m just dying to see Joe’s reaction to hearing that Joyce is definitely so attracted to him she had to masturbate before seeing him
Does no one say “pet the kitten” anymore?
I haven’t heard that one in ages.
so what’s dorothy up to
Willis can you tell us the “upsetting” one in the comments?
Don’t leave us hanging
I think that’s exactly Willis’ style, though. Expect to be left hanging, ha.
I would argue that every successive euphemism used in short succession is worse than the last due to the stringing together, independent of the euphemism’s own merits, and thus a fifth euphemism is by definition very upsetting.
“walk to biology together”
Oh, so that’s what the kids are calling it these days?
“take the scenic route”
Oh, you want to dress up? Kinky.
There’s a 1950s kiddie TV show reference that also sorks well:
“Plunk Your Magic Twanger, Froggy!” (Google it)
As for the rest, there is a massive Walmart here in Williamsburg Va, and I am never going to un-see that. Thanks Amber.
…Okay, but that’s got to be an intentional spoof, right? Like when everyone was saying there was an episode of the seventies UK kids’ show Rainbow that had them all talking about “plucking their twangers” and “playing with a friend’s balls”, and it turned out they’d actually done it for an ITV Christmas party and it was never intended for broadcast in any timeslot. It’s like that, right?
Right?
This was in the 1950s and yes, it was an actual part of the broadcast. Most likely it was an inside joke with the production crew, but Froggy used to appear with a prominent “boing-ng” sound effect. A cool bit for the kids, and no doubt a fun wink-wink to the parents dropping in to see wgat was on TV.
Google “Andy’s Gang” and watch an archival video.
To paraphrase Turk Turkleton “Are you talking about … downtown Joyce Brown?”
Given how frustrating using the non-metaphorical version can be, any sex euphemism involving the phrase “self checkout” is a buzzkill.
Idk mang, being a female with innie reproductive organs and everything, I don’t personally think I’ve felt uninterested in sex after using the target self checkout. I can’t genuinely imagine it being a bulwark against finding someone attractive, indeed at least as far as I’m aware it tends to make everyone a lot -more- attractive. Like, you’ve stimulated one area yes, but what about another? Things happened on a place, what about in a place? And vice versa.
Yeah, I don’t follow the logic either.
Also, according to science (or at least Sexplanations), Jilling off regularly makes sex with a partner feel better. So yeah, both Dorothy and Joyce thinking an orgasm would make Joyce less likely to fuck Joe means that neither of them did their research because the exact opposite is true.
Dorothy is not as knowledgeable as she thinks, and sometimes she accidentally misinforms people or gives them bad advice. Dumbing of Age includes Dorothy.
This means nothing of how the narrative will turn out, but it’s been entertaining to watch Joe and Joyce have an approximate dynamic I know has lead into around 10 years of what’s evolved to biguys marriage (transition).
I would also like the share that the Japanese word for masturbation (自慰) literally translates as ‘self consolation’ 😀
Well one of the words. As you may well imagine, there are several.
oh hey im finally caught up after 11 days straight of mainlining this comic 🙂 so glad to be here for joyce trying to avoid talking about jacking off
I’m a little late, but welcome!
She buttered her muffin.
*Sees a new comic well before 10pm*
Shit, did Daylight Savings Time happen?
Sincerely,
an Arizonan
Dumbing of Age book 13: For even though you are a 6’3″ man-shaped tower of libido, I have performed an elaborate procedure to bulwark me against your charms
Or, alternatively: you poked your palpatine