I Excised All my Anxieties into Cartoon Characters Who Definitely Don’t Have Feelings for Each Other will collect “Year Eleven,” spanning the five storylines that start on September 10, 2020, and complete on August 26, 2021. This includes new commentary, 24 Patreon bonus strips, behind-the-scenes artwork, and new character designs into an 224-page tome with luxurious glossy paper all bound up into a sturdy presentation. Plus a foreword by Kendra Wells!
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more weird sex acts incoming
I was wondering how long it would take for some to make a pie related sex joke but I didn’t expect it from the first comment.
Knowing Carla’s tastes, I think her dream courtship would look more like this movie scene.
I’m not sure. But I have the distinct impression the comic made a left turn at Albuquerque.
Awe! What precious smiles and laughter!!! 😊😊😊
(anyone know where I can find a large version of the first panel?)
Oooo!!! And something rather fitting to go with them!
It’s everyone’s favorite mischief maker, the most Perfect Pastry Punting Clown in Town, Carla Rutten!!!!
🤡🤡🤡 🥧🥧🥧
*plays “Pink Elephants on the Parade djJack remix” by iamjackg on hacked muzak*
I prefer pumpkin pie. How about you all?
Cherry all the way!!! 😋🥧
That is good pie.
For eating? Yes, pumpkin, every time.
As a projectile? Banana Cream is objectively the funniest.
Of course an occasional shepherd’s pie is also a fancy, right Doctor?
Shepherds Pie is on a whole other level, its no longer a desert and manages to be a full course meal all on its own, truly the perfect food.
It is my fav food.
Meat pies are pies, meat pies are not generally considered a dessert, ergo being a dessert cannot be part of the definition of a pie. Shepherd’s pie, Chicken Pot Pie, Pizza Pie, etc.
If you’re going for funny, banana cream’s a good choice.
If you’re going for insult, blueberry stains worse.
Peanut butter pie. Pie crust, peanut butter, whipped cream. You can’t go wrong with that.
Oh that sounds good. I’ve never had one, but now I want to.
Reese’s Pie, peanut butter pudding on an Oreo crust with a ganache coating.
Pumpkin Pie with a thick layer of Whipped Cream on top all the way. That and Chocolate Pie, in small amounts cause that pie can be Rich as fuck.
I prefer meat pies. But if we’re thinking sweet, I’ll go apple.
Does cheesecake count?
If it’s a sweet cheesy pie you’re after, that would be a margarita PIZZA pie!!! 😋
Best: Deep dish pizza pie with the works
Dessert pie: Pecan
Throwing pie: Banana Cream
Pie sucks. It’s all about CAKE baby.
But if I had to choose I’d say…Chicken Pot Pie.
Paul F Tompkins agrees with you!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmOkXV-S1zQ
Grasshopper.
That’s a good pie if it’s made with liquor.
I never had an actual grasshopper drink. Hopefully the mint taste drowns out the liquor.
Banana cream with chocolate topping or peach cobbler.
French Silk Pie.
Is superior to all your lowly pie choices, you plebs.
(Calling you plebs was a joke… the rest of it was not.)
In sweet pies:
Boston Creme
Strawberry Rhubarb
After that pumpkin and apple.
But savoury pies are desperately underappreciated in North America and I can’t recommend a good Aussie meat pie strongly enough.
Unfortunately you can’t get the good Aussie meat pies in the US anymore, my business partner has been trying to find them for years.
Sugar Cream Pie
Fun fact: sugar cream pie is Indiana’s official desert, which is a thing that needs to be official for some reason
Pecan Pie is objectively superior to all others.
Sorry, apple pie rules. It has to be good apple pie, though, not that syrupy mess they sell in cheap eateries.
Unless you’re allergic to pecan.
then it’s objectively not superior.
Hey, I just demonstrated objectivity is impossible due to allergies.
Hence, being allergic to objectivity is logic.
Flawless.
Strawberry rhubarb.
Steak and blue cheese is to die for.
Key lime pie, but my wife’s apple pie is great, too.
I know I’m an outlier, but mincemeat is still my favorite.
Chocolate cream pie.
There are two theories at play.
The Strong Carlathic Principle states that the reason the universe exists is to eventually produce Carla.
The Weak Carlathic Principle states the same, but also posits that Carla herself is merely necessary as the delivery system for pies.
I thought Carla only threw pies at people she didn’t like.
The fun thing about this website not having an edit button is that sometimes I’ll just write the first half of a comment and then post it by mistake before I’ve figured out how I want to finish it.
Oh well.
I *think* it’s a reference to Ultra-Car over at Shortpacked! throwing pies at Malaya, but I’m not sure.
Obviously a carry-over from Ultra-Car, we’ve just only ever seen Carla pie Mary in DoA
Technically, Mary pie’d herself, which makes sense: she’s the kind of person who only really loves herself.
Thank you for reminding me that was actually a self-own on Mary’s part. I was a little alarmed when I thought these steps applied to what went down with her.
Though I guess in Carla’s case throwing a pie is like swearing: whether it’s meant to indicate something positive or negative depends on context.
Carla tried to pie Mike in the bonus strips seen in book 10 or patreon.
That’s why the pie-throwing ENDS the courtship.
This advice could hurt a bit depending what kind of pie it is.
“You’ve learned your lesson” got a big laugh out of me. I love Carla.
How can you not love Carla?
By being mary, or raidah, or some other stuck up asshole.
So… Carla was courting Mary?
Maybe? Carla’s not a small child, but assuming small children are a approximate modle: kids tend to do things like the pull the hair and be mean to those they have a crush on … but they also do it to kids they hate. In short, I have no idea.
Nah, Mary didn’t smile before she got pied.
Literally the exact line of my thought process after seeing that last panel.
I’m pretty sure she did. In general, beforehand (albeit insincerely) and if memory serves a triumphant grin upon grabbing and opening the box of pie.
Carla should probably be very careful with that analogy.
(Also my phone autocorrected that to “cars” which… wrong universe.)
Listen, it’s probably my LEAST popular crack ship.
Buuuuut.
You said BUTT!!!! 🤪
I was expecting a link to go with the Buuuuut.
You have more crack ships? Most intriguing.
Actually, she didn’t throw the pie herself…
Right, she devised a Rube Goldberg Machine to throw it for her.
Technically, she designed a Rube Goldberg machine to mess with Mary’s head enough that she’d activate a very simple pie-throwing device herself! Although, I guess one could argue that psyching out Mary was just another step in the Rube Goldberg machine.
…and if you’re wondering how the hell I remember that scene so well, it’s because Carla is awesome and my brain will do whatever it takes to make space for memories about her.
The whole sequence starts here:
https://www.dumbingofage.com/2016/comic/book-6/03-when-god-closes-the-door/rube/
Fun and mildly disturbing fact: it went live six years ago this month.
Pies are a multi-channel message.
Given her reaction to the suggestion Mary was into her, when presented by others? Absolutely not.
I never really got why Carla acted the way she did, but I think I have a better idea after this strip. She seems to me to be very lonely but also terrified of rejection (which makes sense) so she causes chaos and acts in semi-faux narcissistic manner in order to generate the human attention to fulfill the need for human contact, uncaring if it is sometimes in a negative form. Does that sound right?
She’s asexual. I can’t comment on her need for human companionship or any fear of rejection but sexually, that ain’t part of it.
As for fear of rejection… there’s every implication that her parents adore and accept her. I think she’s a chaos machine for other reasons- possibly her upbringing was too structured and she finds joy in the opposite? It could also be that she never learned much about consequences (coming from wealth) but a line from a storyline where she was a main character- where she has to be perfect to be acceptable- suggests otherwise. Rather, I SUSPECT (and it is only a suspicion, partly from my own experiences and without seeing anything concrete to back it up) that Carla spent enough of her life as not-herself to be going to the other extreme in celebration of living as herself. She’s so high on the joy and freedom of being herself that she’s yet to learn how to temper that to be kind to others (and might never do so- although I think she’ll probably learn to reign it in.)
Another interesting thing is there’s a strong overlap between being trans and being autistic. There’s nothing to imply that was Willis’ intent, and little to imply she could be beyond not being good at socialisation and social rules. But if she were a person rather than a written character it is ABSOLUTELY something I would wonder about.
Sorry for the ramble, I just woke up and my ADHD and autism kicked in before my brain could run interference.
A lot of it is defense mechanism, I suspect.
Hurts less to be an asshole and have people dislike you for that, than to try to make friends and have people reject you anyway for being trans.
Carla: Asexual? Annoy-sexual? Pie-sexual?
I do believe Carla is an asexual who happens to be repulsed by sex.
As for whether or not she is aromantic, not quite sure.
Sexuality translates so she’s probably still homoromantic like she was in Shortpacked!.
I feel Pie-sexual is confirmed as well.
A homoromantic, sex repulsed, trans chassi, pie throwing smart car’s soul in a tech billionaire heiress human body. Carla’s character has a lot going on with a slightly closer relationship on a metatextual level than most characters to her Shortpacked! incarnation, but she sure makes it work.
I’m sure Carla would just argue that those are all the same thing. And then get really excited at your naturally annoyed response!
…and then throw a pie in your face, just for good measure.
Gonna go MST3k: she’s her own Saturday Night Thing. Anyone into Carla is gonna have vicious competition because so is she.
god help that dorm when those two find out about that lonely island song
Actually sent that to my mum after my first time. She was a little confused, but also proud.
(Probably important context: I have OCD and struggle with it a lot, but especially when I was younger; bodily fluids were something I had particular issues with and were a frustratingly frequent source of intrusive thoughts.)
I thought the pie throwing was from Shortpacked. Has she ever actually done that here?
Not directly, but she has pied someone.
So is she interested in Mary??
I think that was more for self-love.
She set a pie trap, which is similar but distinct from pie-throwing.
Pretty sure this is the first time it’s canonically established that pie-throwing is also a habit for Carla in the universe (as opposed to a one-time thing)!
I am now DEEPLY interested in the question of who the hell else Carla has actually thrown a pie at recently, and whether this will develop into a committed one-sided pie-throwing relationship (to be clear, this is not any sort of innuendo, I just mean that in the most literal sense possible).
See, Carla ALSO is annoying as shit if she doesn’t like you and loves pieing people, so it’s hard to distinguish.
Just the way she likes it.
https://i.imgur.com/PqiuAVK.png (NSFW)
I’ve had this joke in mind for a bit.
Story so far.
https://imgur.com/a/9Ob1cy3 (NSFW)
BUTT BUTT BUTT BUTT!!!!
🤪🤪🤪
BtW I doubt the alphabet thing actually works, but I imagine Walky would believe in it.
He was SINGING THE ALPHABET INTO HER ASS!!!!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Not singing. And not ass.
It does not.
I believe the idea is to vary the direction of one’s tongue strokes, but while mixing vertical swipes with the occasional set of circles can produce some good response, actually doing the alphabet is far too slow due to the precision required and half of the motions are not particularly stimulating.
But yeah, given the popularity of a certain movie, a lot of people do try that in college.
**raises a guilty hand**
…at the risk of sounding like a complete idiot, what’s the movie?
American Pie.
One of the male characters (can’t remember their name) gives the alphabet advice about performing cunnilingus to another male character.
Well, any songs you do recommend?
What do you recommend?
Apparently, not the Alphabet Song.
(Gonna pay this forward –the alphabet trick in cunnilingus definitely does work for some people. Of course, the effect is blunted if it’s noticable as the alphabet or awkwardly deliberate, but it’s a good way to change things up for your partner if you run out of ideas, which will happen if your mind is cloudy from arousal and/or if you go for a while.)
I think that was the problem I ran into – I am very precise with my tongue and ‘awkwardly deliberate’ is a good description how it went when I tried it.
ain’t gonna lie – this is super hot.
I’m really happy to hear you say that. My only goal with this series is to make strangers see it and get turned on. It’s weird to say it like that but it’s true. I want to be able to make something to get people hot n’ bothered!
I get that.
I have rather similar goals myself.
Me too. Horny Hypnosis is a tough ninjitsu to master, but well worth it!
Well, you can consider that particular goal a success.
What really did it for me was Billie flashing and teasing Walky. Everything from there is hot too, but just her way of taking control of the situation and escalating it was top notch.
Oh, small thing I noticed. In the new story-so-far link, you have the original version of her vagina not the updated one with the corrected position.
oh really? I thought I had both of them up.
Carla has it all figured out.
Does that mean she’s into Mary?
…Mary?
Carla does not annoy Mary. She antagonizes her, important distinction.
I mean, she’s not unattractive she’s just a mega-asshole. Like a .5 on the Carolometer. Or a .1 on the Toe Dad scale.
I could see that if Mary hadn’t turned out to be a horribly transphobic/homophobic/bigot. Carla actually leans toward masochistic crushes on women. It could’ve been a thing if Mary weren’t horrible.
*cough* I ship it *cough*
umh… https://www.dumbingofage.com/2016/comic/book-6/03-when-god-closes-the-door/box-2/
I mean at this point is it the literal, physical act of throwing the pie that makes it courtship or the feelings and desire of a pie connecting the person of your affection? I feel like people are getting too caught up in that detail.
This is why the smiling is considered an essential step.
…You know, someone else linked back to that strip, and upon rereading it I am rather disturbed to realize that Mary DID, technically, smile a few seconds before getting her pie in the face.
Oh, oh! Wait! But she didn’t actually smile AT CARLA! She was just giving the universe in general a shit-eating grin! Phew. Accidental courtship ritual avoided.
When Billie and Ruth suggested to Carla that Mary was hot for her, she was grossed out and vowed to build a catapult suit. So no.
Carla’s courtship mirrors my courtship practice almost exactly except for step 3. My step three is just “????”
One of these days I’ll figure out what I’m supposed to do there.
Mine also except like to end mine with a really thought out compliment for step 3 to see if I can ease them down after working them up a bit. Make the feel a flurry of emotion after meeting with me the first time.
Advice from an advice podcast I listen to: Just tell her, stupid. (Applies equally to “him” or “them”)
I don’t understand. We read the same strip, right? Carla is literally TELLING you what you’re supposed to do for step three! GO FOR IT, BUDDY! YOU FIND A DAMN PIE, AND CHUCK IT RIGHT AT THE OBJECT OF YOUR AFFECTIONS!
You ‘posed to grab her butt. If she doesn’t punch you in the eye, she likes you.
And if she only punches you a little, she hasn’t made up her mind yet.
I’m pretty sure Step 3 is Profit!!
Of course, what you consider “Profit” is up to you.
So how many girls has she flirted with if that’s the case?
Carla remains my favorite DoA character.
Carla makes it all so simple, and shows me what I’ve been doing wrong for 20 years. Time to buy a bakery.
I see Carla is a proponent of the Marx Bros. school of courtship.
she’s, like Elon musk, a marxist.
I’m pretty sure I’m gonna regreat asking this, but how is Elon Musk a Marxist?
Well the guy wrote
“Marx was a capitalist. He even wrote a book about it.”
Maybe as a bait or a troll…
But if you give it any thought, it’s not so wrong, it’s just they (Musk and any capital owner, whatever their ideology) are not in the proletarian camp:
Buffet said something along the lines of “there’s classwar and we are winning it”.
But yes it could be safer to say “marxian”, since “marxist” is colored by what Lenin and Luxemburg wrote. Also, it was a joke, but I had no cigar.
My favourite intersection of Musk and leftwing politics was when he explained to close friends of the late Iain M. Banks that he understood what Banks was saying in the Culture novels better than they did, actually. I think this was also the exchange where he said “I am actually a socialist. Just not the kind that shifts resources from most productive to least productive”, which is kind of like saying “I am actually a vegetarian, just not the kind that wastes valuable protein by not eating delicious animals”.
He’s Elon fucking M-vowel-consonant-consonant. Why do you think he chose that surname? Of course, it’s so unsubtle that we can establish he did that in his childhood.
Pretty sure his parents, Mr and Mrs Musk, chose his surname
Yeah, like this would be an impediment for the guy who names his child X AE A-XII.
Are… are you somehow under the impression that people choose their own surname short of getting it legally changed after the fact?
Pretty sure they’re joking, JBento.
This is the internet. I have SEEN things.
I suppose it makes sense that Becky isn’t averse to pies.
It’s cream pies she’s not a fan of.
I can’t tell if this is fuel for those who think Carla is into Sal or not.
How much longer is this story line going to go for
Next storyline is “This Was Halloween” and will be starting on July 2nd, about a month from now.
is this a Joke?
Two months from now, I blame Julius Caesar for the error
Hope you’re right even if you’re joking
I’m not joking but I am wrong. Got the order of the months mixed up, it’s two months away instead of one.
This sounds awesome if a year late. was this announced on tumblr?
“This was Halloween?” As in a possible Halloween flashback? I was kinda hoping we would continue to skip that time. It’s more fun for me to guess what happened and try to find hidden context clues than to actually see it. Do we really need to know how Walky and Amber split?
I’ll take any story line over this current one
Sirksome, but costumes.
Dont read it and you can guess.
Nah, I dont find it fun.
I hate time skip forward. Too much Too fast, Broke every storyline while depriving us of Holidays. and character development.
If you’re into classic era joker type play, then i guess that’s feasible?
Carla is the best. Sorry to all the Dina fans out there.
No woories Bee Happy La La La La…..
How about both together. With Carla and Weed? Surely things are better together!
After all, why do we combine foods to cook them? New flavors!!!!
Sorry I forgot to say this, but
Happy Unbirthday Becky and Dina he he he….!!!!
*plays “Mad Tea Party”on Carla’s speakers*
I mean, you could get a premade crust, fill it with whipped cream, and there you go. Pie.
Technically.
(should be cheaper than buying a prepackaged pie, anyway)
Ah Carla, a gremlin as always.
American Pie 9: Pie For Lesbians.
Wait! Carla did those things to Mary … and Dina, Becky and everyone else in the building know it! Carla… what, WHAT DO YOU IMPLYING HERE!?! But it’s clear… she used to have a crush on Mary. But now, after throwing a pie on her face, it’s over… At least for now!
Farewell Ambigous Courtship, until Mary’s next appearance… which might be never but Dina and Becky were a bit Too happy recently so I’m sure some partypooper will pop up soon.
The last frame. Carla is SO pretty.
Carla confirmed pisexual
In a way, Dina did throw her pie in Becky’s face…
Or did she say, “Come and get it honey; it’s cherry.”
Carla’s vision of courtship is being annoying? I think this confirms that she is panromantic. She’s been flirting with everyone she ever met, and has even crossed the fourth wall to be courting the readers.
Still waiting for my pie, then.
When Carla from on high
Hits your face with a pie
That’s amoreeeee.
Fire back with a pie of your own!
When she glide down the street
With the wheels on her feet
That’s-a Carlaaa
Soon Dina will have a pie-stained dinosaur in her room.
I’m still at step 3 in my courtship with my wife, though after 25 years she receives fewer pies than I’d like to give her.
Wait, was she talking about literal pies? Well, now it’s not as relatable to me.
Lmao you fuck your wife? Cringe 🤣
(The preceding is only a goblin-brain joke and in no way intends to reflect the actual value or opinions of Taffy)
Carla is piesexual
Badum, tsh!
Does it have to be a woman? Because I still ship Carla/Malaya from their Shortpacked! counterparts.
Carla sees the world in black and white.
Black is those who laugh at her, because they’re idiots who can’t appreciate the awesomeness that is Carla.
White is those who laugh with her, because of course Carla is frickin’ hilarious, and they are but bugs who wish to be hilarious-adjacent.
Laughing about something.. else? Not seein’ it.
Does…does this mean Carla likes Mary?? Didn’t Carla specifically say she’s not into that?? And yet Mary is the only person of any gender Carla has pied
There’s evidence of the existence of things outside of Carla?
The idea that Carla is annoying to women when she has a crush on them really recontextualizes her relationship with Mary in a weird way
So many comments about Mary as if there isn’t one big huge qualifier there in the “when she smiles” bit.
The real meat to chew on is that every single interaction Carla has ever had with Sal involves annoying the hell out of her.
Yeah… Carla might have to fist-fight Joyce for this one.
There’s a part of me that finds it really strange seeing the continuity between DumbingOfAge, ShortPacked, and ItsWalky.
Like I know they’re all supposed to be parallels/continuum somehow, but the settings are so different sometimes that it weirds me out a little when the connect.
I keep expecting Head Alien to pop up at any moment, laughing about the success of his maniacal plan to separate the heroes from their abilities once again.
Shortpacked and It’s Walky are the same continuity.
I love Carla so much
I am in a weird state of both liking Carla and hating her for her self obsession/narcissism.
Goodness, I hope this doesn’t mean Carla was courting Mary D’:
So it seems that Carla’s form of courtship involves pranks. I wonder if they also include riddles, games of chance, and a lively jig 💗⭐🍀🌛🌈🎈
Ah, a Homestuck thingamaboob!!!
Been a while since Ive seen one of these! 😃
In terms of the classic dysfunctional family roles, what do we think Joyce’s siblings would be assigned? John’s probably the Hero, Jocelyn says she’s the favorite so I’m guessing she’s the golden child, and Jordan is obviously the Scapegoat, but how do we classify Joyce? I’d guess a secondary Hero to project the pious family image, but what do you all think?
Joyce may have started as a Hero/Golden Child but I would say she definitely slid straight into Scapegoat and Identified Patient. Where if she turned back, it would be more accepted than Jordan, but if asked ‘how the family broke’, Carol and John would be pointing straight at her without a second thought.
Jocelyne also slides between Golden Child in front of family to Lost Child as much as humanly possible as she basically wants to DISAPPEAR and not be visible when with them.
And Jordan is a Scapegoat who made himself a Lost Child by yeeting himself right out of the family for his own well-being.
And Becky was the honourary family Mascot.
step 5 : creampie ?
It’s 8PM and I need to express my furious disapproval at the commentariat that only one other person has mentioned Carla’s constantly annoying Sal.
Consider the following: https://uselesslilium.tumblr.com/post/111963280919/ah-yes-carlasal-yet-another-example-of-me
Usually I link this comic to make a different point, but yeah, I can absolutely see Carla having a bit of “appreciation” for Sal
How to Solve A Problem (Carla-style): Throw A Pie At It.
Being harassed? Throw a pie! Got a crush? Throw a pie! Problems solved!
No offense, Carla, but that is a TERRIBLE way to start a relationship. ;P
Carla is overlooking an important part, in her process, and that is fruit pie, or cream pie (no, not that, you pervy sicko). They are not the same, and would interact with the human face differently, upon impact.
And she’s ace too?! I love Carla so much! 😍
So wait, was Carla actually hitting on Mary here?
https://www.dumbingofage.com/2016/comic/book-6/03-when-god-closes-the-door/rube/
(a story in three parts)