I’m pretty sure that’s why all of the Bad Guys were so afraid of him. Six and a half foot tall, indestructible, not too bright, and all he wants to do is spoon with you!
I’ve been saying. Everybody keeps on wanting to point to these but then they keep on bringing me these curved metal scoops. But we all know the Speeoons have been defeated in the last Galactic Cosmic war and have been removed from existence so there is no longer any Shpoones.
Not since I disintegrated the last of them.
Now could somebody get me a metal scoop so that I can get some of this soup. Or do I have to go get some SpeOrks.
If there is a cup of tea, then logic dictates there must be a teacup. But if there is a teacup, we can surely infir there is a teabowl. If there is a teabowl, it follows there must be teabowling.
Fantasy is probably next if/when Willis gets done with DoA. His characters have covered sci-fi as far as I know, and this is slice of life. A giant could appear next strip. Only patreons can know for sure!
I actually really want to see these characters in a fantasy/dnd setting now. Who do you think would be what race and class? I’m seeing Dina as a halfing rogue, or maybe an articifer. Becky could be a bard, or hear me out an orcish fighter. Joyce would probably be a human paladin and/or cleric that’s just recently lost faith and has to find a new patron or respec.
Fun fact: In 5e, a Paladin that forsakes their faith can become an Oath Breaker Paladin and they are emo as all get out. They get abilities like “Control Undead,” “Dreadful Aspect,” “Aura of Hate,” and “Dread Lord.”
First 12 members of the cast list(minus Ruth), split into 3 parties of 4.
Team Bad Emotional Reactions
Walky: Warlock. High Charisma, but depends on others to push him.
Amber: Barbarian. Very physical, far beyond what should be normal, and has anger issues.
Dorothy: Wizard. High Int, not good with her hands, loves to study, dreams of unimaginable cosmic power.
Ethan: Cleric. Previously of Transformers, now of some sort of Death God.
Team Sex:
Becky: Paladin. Faithful, used to surviving the worst demons can throw at her.
Dina: Moon Druid. Wildshape, summons dinosaurs, etc. Also surprisingly wise.
Joe: Warlock. He doesn’t worship anything, he’s in it for what he can get out of it. Or what he can put it in. And he’s high Charisma.
Jennifer: Rogue. She solves problems. They are not always problems you want solved, especially not by her, especially not how she chooses to solve them. Also, dat high kick.
Team Joyce’s Harem:
Joyce: Cleric. Faith matters(mattered) to her a lot, but she’s definitely more mental than physical about it. Currently a fallen Cleric, we’ll see where she ends up.
Sal: Sorcerer. High Charisma, but doesn’t get power from anyone but herself.
Sarah: Fighter? I’m not sure on her, TBH.
Danny: Monk. Kind of useless, kind of enjoyable because of that. Spread a bit too thin to succeed at any one thing.
Basically all of this is arguable, it just makes some sense to me. Teams were mostly me trying to keep certain pairs or trios together and failing miserably.
Give it a shot. I spent years wanting to play, looking for a group, but nothing ever took off until I decided to stop waiting around and just run my own campaign. I had no prior experience but it went pretty great. One of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
Okay, so I took some inspiration from Viktoria’s list and decided to take my own spin on it. This is less based on how the characters are in DoA, as much as it is based on how their character concepts would work in a fantasy setting.
Joyce: Cleric. As much as I think Paladin would fit better thematically, Joyce doesn’t strike me as someone who’d fight like a Paladin. Cleric is good enough, but I see her less as a Cleric who’s lost her faith moreso as one who’s switched ideologies. See Kristen Applebees from Dimension 20. I can also see her being literally any other class as long as she’s got the Acolyte background.
Walky: Wild Magic Sorcerer. Full of magical potential and has no idea how to use it? A ticking time bomb of chaos? Subclass abilities literally being the ability to magically luck your way out of trouble? That’s Walky in a nutshell.
Amber: Barbarian is kinda perfect for her, but what about Amazigirl? I think Rogue or Ranger would be an obvious fit for AG. Maybe they multiclass. Maybe something else. Idk.
Dorothy: Wizard. Next.
Jennifer: In the absence of an Acrobat class, I’m gonna have to go with Monk for this former Cheerleader. Maybe with the Entertainer background.
Dina: Druid. I like to think a fantasy version of her would be into dragons instead of dinosaurs but YMMV. Insofar as 5e doesn’t have a Draconic Druid subclass, I think Circle of the Moon works best. Hell, Moon Druid fits a dinosaur-lover even better.
Becky: Monster Slayer Ranger. No reason, other than the class just seems very Becky to me. Lover of all things nature, good at surviving, it just feels like what Becky would WANT to be. Part of me wants to give her an animal sidekick that kinda corresponds with Dina. If we’re having dragon-loving Dina, Drakewarden. If Dina likes dinosaurs, Beastmaster. Either way, I really want the animal companion to be Fuckface. I know he’s traditionally Malaya’s pet but who cares, Willis has changed character histories before.
Sal: Cavalier Fighter. A class that’s often considered boring, but is actually really neat. Cavalier because she rides a motorcycle so I’d just expect to see that swapped with a horse or something else of that sort. Also serves as an interesting contrast to Walky; she had to learn how to fight, as opposed to her brother who was just kinda born lucky,
Sarah: College of Lore Bard. I know everyone’s probably expecting Fighter because baseball bat, but like I said, I’m not taking the characters as they are, I’m imagining how they’d be in a fantasy setting. A law student like Sarah being a College of Lore bard already makes sense, but the addition of Cutting Words and Vicious Mockery feel very Sarah to me. Also, any class can use a baseball bat. That’s like what, a club? That’s a simple melee weapon. Even your average 5e Commoner can add their Proficiency Bonus to their Attack rolls with one of those.
Ruth: This is by far the trickiest one for me. Rogue? She doesn’t strike me as a Barbarian despite what many would expect. Probably not something like an Assassin or Thief rogue though. I could see Hexblade Warlock as well. Ruth is terrifying, after all.
Danny: This guy was born to be a Bard. Danny is the epitome of a D&D character with high Charisma, low Wisdom, and just approaches so many situations in the worst way possible. But he’s more charming than people give him credit for. He’s a support character for sure; at least, he’s got that potential in him. Also, ukulele.
Joe: Warlock. Joe would absolutely sell his soul to get laid. Any sort of Warlock patron would work; I’d love to see something like a Fathomless warlock though.
Ethan: Oathbreaker Paladin. Fits well with his whole emo vibe. Probably Oath of Devotion before they lost Mike.
Carla: Artificer. I feel like this one is obvious. Pulls magic items outta her back pocket and uses her ingenuity to get out of every situation.
Not sure what everyone else would be, but I feel like this covers the most prominent members of the main cast except Malaya. Fuckface does complicate things. If he isn’t Dina’s pet, maybe could me Malaya’s familiar? Idk what class they’d be though.
I vaguely remember Willis saying he wasn’t really interested in medieval fantasy stories, so I wouldn’t expect an official “the Dumbing Age” fantasy version of this cast
The best character is just Fuckface. (Hot or cold- depends on the sun. Incapable of human language, so their mean is pure biting
no remarks. Is 100% genuine lizard.)
I find it adorable and heartening and happymaking to see someone who is at least a little bit legit domme portrayed as nerdy and soft-spoken and not even 1% some hourglass leather-clad straight-dude-gaze* Boss Lady.
(*I am aware a lot of straight dudes think Dina is hot, I’m talking about the habit of portraying female dominants as conventionally attractive sex objects. I do not want to rant so tl;dr unconscious gender roles, rar rar, hiss boo.)
dunno, Dina in Leather strikes me as going straight to self-parody. She’s far more impressive being so mild and even sweet natured-the type that can be absolutely terrifying if you understand the vibe, rather than someone who’s just trying too hard.
I’m cool with them never breaking up (I know “freshman relationships don’t last” but also it’s fiction and so falling in love with the first person you meet is less of an albatross around the neck), I just want to see them struggle to make that work more often.
I’ve definitely said stuff in the past like “Becky’s boring but she and Dina are fun to read about” before the Faith-Off happened and what Becky did or thought started being of interest to me, so I think the only reason I’m down on them in the immediate moment is that we got done two who months of them together that worked out to everyone’s immediate best interest where Becky’s helpless to deal with her complexes so Dina carefully untangles them. Happy relationships are cool! It’d just be nice to see them, like, inconvenienced in a way where Dina can’t process Becky’s problems for her and there’s some struggle on the two’s part to resolve it.
Like, I’d want Dina to do things on her own time and have her own foibles and fuck up in her own interesting ways than just be Becky’s emotional support girlfriend, which she feels a little stuck in at the moment, like she doesn’t get to make the same big mistakes as everyone else. I think that’s only a problem to me now though because it was so much at once and for one of Becky’s longest-standing neuroses, and so I’m hoping the signals Becky’s thrown out that she’s still reeling from having sex for the first time and what it means to her lead to some of that painful drama that I, a degenerate, read this series for.
This strip’s real good, though. Not just for the wordplay, but I like that it’s Dina trying something she thinks will work.
It had not even occurred to me that she was trying to give Becky good connotations for the word spoon but now that you said that it’s obvious that’s exactly what she’s doing.
Yeah, so much fractal wrongness, plus Becky’s more the exception than the rule when it comes to MANY things, altogether more than enough to compel Dina to take a more individualized approach with the Power of Science!!! ✌️🥲 🔭🧠🌌 🦖🦕
Originally I worried about these two I didn’t think they’d work but. Dammit do they work. I love them so much. Dina you’re so sweet and try so hard and you make Becky so happy. And Becky is so understanding and patient and doesn’t judge Dina for being different and sometimes strange and is genuinely filled with wonder at what Dina loves. These kids are going to work.
Spooning is a form of reclining cuddling where one partner is the “big spoon* (the person behind) is hugging the other (the “little spoon”) in front. The term comes from two spoons nested together.
That’s a trap you don’t want to fall into though, a relationship shouldn’t be one person doing all the emotional work, it’s a PARTNERSHIP, yeah maybe she likes caring for Becky but Becky needs to do some caring for her partner too, you don’t just get to take and take and take and take in a relationship.
Well pre-timeskip Becky organized a big birthday party for Dina to show her appreciation. She could maybe learn to express herself better but I think the desire to do nice things for Dina is there.
There’s also a fine line between making sure a relationship is a partnership and making it transactional, and the fact that time in this strip moves at a couple of moments per day by our perception, it’s easy to get bogged down in what seems like a very long-term for us but is much less so for them. I don’t think this is a concerning imbalance at this point.
Not only did Becky organize the birthday party, remember where Dina’s dinosaur “bed” came from. Becky is clearly trying to express appreciation and affection. She also clearly doesn’t have all of the best tools in which to do it, but she made a huge effort in the birthday party to make sure the party was about Dina and what she wanted and needed.
Yeah I think TODAY has been mostly about Dina taking care of Becky and it’s easy to get focused on that because of the slow pace. The counterexamples we cited happened years ago real-time.
Let’s not equate throwing elaborate birthdays or buying big gifts to emotional support though okay? They are both expressions of love, but one needs a balance of both, not just big gestures but smaller ones too.
I have speculated not so long ago on the statistical unlikeliness they can have a lasting, fulfilling relationship. Mostly cause having them break up is the opposite of what I want. But then, I saw a tweet from Willis today saying something along the lines of “when are the doubters gonna get that these girls are invincible”, and it occurs to me if they do find out they want things out of an intimate relationship that the other can’t give them, it might not happen until they’re like, 40, or a theoretical future where Willis is still doing this comic 500 years from now.
A lot of people were worried when Becky was freaking out about Dina’s lack of sexual desire but was unable to have a calm discussion without catastrophizing.
And then Becky started blaming herself for it until Dina decided “eh, time to seduce Becky” and brought a checklist to sexytimes. Becky catastrophizes, she thinks she needs to be pressured into it, that she’s not sexually enticing to Dina, and then she just stands there long enough for Dina to figure all that out for her.
Like of course they’re gonna be fine, they’ve yet to have a problem that wasn’t Becky flipping out about something that Dina can patiently explain away.
aight all you cuties, i’m drunk and depressed so i’m gonna rant for a bit. (s’fine, no one reads comments after 1 or 2pm EST.)
i’m french right? so i’m not sure i’m allowed to complain on a mostly US forum that my stupid fucking country just locked in 5 more years of hardcore neoliberalism. (spoiler i’m gonna do it anyway) i’m poor, i’m on welfare (a distant dream for many of y’all, i know) but i’m not the worst off.
For one, as you can tell, i speak english. You wouldn’t know necessarily but being fluent in english is a massive privilege in the rest of the world. i’m white, my parents are middle class, one way or another i’ll probably be fine.
but not all of my friends will be. i feel like a broken record, but i’ve lost a non-white disabled trans friend recently. A good few of my friends and loved ones are poor, non-white, queer/trans, lower-class, disabled, sex workers, and so on. (and anarchist, barely a choice i might add. at some point it’s just the only position that even makes sense.) France just went through a dizzying spell of neoliberal reform accompanied by ever louder dog-whistles to the far right under Macron, and since yesterday the best-case scenario is that same piece of shit getting reelected as president.
so many of us really believed we could get the less-than-exciting left-wing candidate (i will not call him far-left, he’s a milquetoast socialist and still the media portrayed him as a radical scarecrow) to the second round of the election at least, and he got soundly beaten by the far-right candidate. Sorry, did I say THE far-right candidate? ONE OF THE far-right candidates. That’s right, not only did we not even qualify for the second round, the fascists were actually divided and still made it. A full third of the french population voted for some version of fascism. Kill me now.
i’m mourning so much more than my own (limited) comfort. I live in a musty flat with little light and i depend on welfare and petty end-of-the-month arbitration between food and social life for a good half of the year. it’s very likely i’ll have to give up what little comfort i have (i like to work as little as i can and have time to improve myself and help others, not to mention deal with my less-than-stellar mental health; call me a parasite i guess) but rn i’m so worried for my fellow humans being pushed back at the borders (except Ukrainians cos they’re white and christian, good on my state for welcoming a few of them, they deserve help but the double standard is just so blatant???), and for so many others whose lives will just go one deteriorating.
And i’m so fucking gobsmacked that SO many of us voted for the same man who actually managed to reduce public health spending in the midst of a fucking pandemic. Honestly, how. why. who.
oh and it’s my birthday today (april 12) btw. 🤷♀️ FML
My experience is that there is no point talking to a drunk person because they can’t process input – effectively they can’t hear you. But I’m going to post this anyway, and hope that you come back and look when you’ve sobered up.
Yes, things are pretty shitty right now, with authoritarians “winning” all over the world. Pretty much everybody is screwed except the top 0.1% (in French 0,1%). I can only say “This too shall pass”. I can’t say when, but I know it will get better.
Not the best time for a birthday, but we can’t control that. Hang in there and remember that you are a worthy human being even if some other humans say you’re not.
And please don’t think of yourself as a parasite. That applies to the aforementioned wealthiest 0.1% (and Wellerman, if you believe them. I’m unsure what is going on inside their brain), with the possible exception of Elon Musk.
eh, i’m tragically not that drunk. i still enjoyed your reply and had a good laugh at your punchline =)
i’m not sure i share your, shall i say long-term optimism. I’m scared, is the short of it. Really, there’s not much more to it. Not so much for the state of the world long-term (oh, that too, but it’s a bit too abstract to really impact my day-to-day emotional state) but just for the coming months and years. Selfishly enough, i’m scared of change, of the effort of adjusting to a more cruel and brutal State. And i’m scared of how bad things will get for people i care about.
thanks for your sweet words though. I do struggle with the sense that i matter, to anyone in particular not to mention to the wider world around me. But yeah, thanks, i will try to hang in there <3
Re: Parasite, Milu, you’re not a bad person for depending on welfare. You’re a vulnerable person, and like any other living thing on this planet, you do whatever it takes to survive, to maintain health and sanity, in an unjust, indifferent universe that doesn’t care about anyone or anything, including itself.
At the end of the day, we’re all just living things — crudely assembled, self-sustaining piles of protein and sugar. There’s only so much that 4.5 billion years worth of happy accidents can do right. So don’t sweat it pal! 😉
If it’s any consolation, I think being an alien parasite is awesome. Sure beats being part of a species where individuals are punished for being randomly born into the wrong body ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Plus I have powers that ordinary humans don’t, so there’s that.
Also I take very much pride in being an living nightmare to conservative causes that hate me!
hey Wellerman, thank you for your reply, your first paragraph especially is beautiful and lovely <3
i realize both you and Bathymetheus have read me a bit too literally. I don't, in fact, think of myself as a parasite. That's what the people in power in my country say about me. The barebones welfare state that now allows me to choose when to work and when to lick my wounds is about to get dismantled because, precisely, people like me and my friends are seen as parasites leeching off the wealth produced by others. That discourse is currently used to justify de-funding public health and education and the safety nets against poverty and its comorbidities.
Also i'm curious about that sentence you keep repeating, that 4.5 billion years of happy accidents can only do so much right. it strikes me that 4.5 billion years is actually a very, very, very long time, like unimaginably long afaic, so… i can’t say it suggest an obvious conclusion to me. (also why that figure? the estimates i’ve seen place the origin of life around 3.8 billion years ago, so presumably you chose to count down from the formation of planet earth? why not 13.8 Ga, aka the age of the known universe?).
Like, is that supposed to be a reflection of our limitations? Because it seems to me you could use the exact same fact to express wonder at how exquisitely complex and precise a mechanism the human body, or the entire natural world, is.
i’m not saying one conclusion is more valid or interesting than another, i just wanted to point out that maybe this argument, which you rely on a lot, is not as intuitive and compelling to everyone as it seems to be to you =)
…also the other thing it inspires me, especially in the context of my post is like… “what does that have to do with anything”. sure, we’re animals, we’re made up of molecules, but… i for one still value my choices and desires and wish to live in a more considerate world. The reason shit is fucked right now is not because evolution is random and life is this weird glitch. It’s because of social and historical reality. Not biology. That’s like if someone is talking about a novel and you go “well, this book is just dehydrated cellulose tissue” or whatever. Like, why would you say that? I’m genuinely asking =)
We really shouldn’t expect the indifferent universe to support humans’ preconceived notions of “ideal lives” — in this crude world, this crude universe that barely wants to cooperate with the us, imperfect solutions are all we have.
Even if there are better solutions available than the one you’ve chosen at the moment, chances are it would have been impossible to know, given the knowledge would only be available after the fact (Hindsight Bias).
The point is that our limitations, our failures, are more often than not due to factors beyond our control. We’re given bad hands, we do what we can with them, and at the end, no matter how badly things wind up, we have the knowledge that we tried our best, and nobody in the same circumstances could have done any better than us.
Re: Historical Reality, of course the repugnant Bourgeois in your country want anything but to acknowledge this reality of the human condition. 👿
As usual, they distort language, social custom, religion, so called “””traditions”””, values and philosophy around their goals to make themselves look reasonable, to make their selfishness look like altruism, to make their bloated power, the status quo, seem like an oh so natural and universal order. But this is ALWAYS an illusion.
“All that is solid melts into air, all that his holy is deconsecrated, and the human at last is compelled to face the reality of their condition, of their relationships with other living beings, and with their own kind, under sober circumstances.”
Now imma go be a good parasite and seize these motherfuckers’ means of production!!! Mostly indirectly, through pointed words, learning programming, and making games for a progressive webcomic!!!!
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“I don’t get it”
“SPOON“
Spoon, man…
I’m together with your plan.
I’ve often wondered if they wrote that song with The Tick in mind…
only if this guy has an AMAZING secret identity
I’m pretty sure that’s why all of the Bad Guys were so afraid of him. Six and a half foot tall, indestructible, not too bright, and all he wants to do is spoon with you!
That was my first thought, too: the Tick’s catchphrase. SPOON!
“There is no spoon”
I’ve been saying. Everybody keeps on wanting to point to these but then they keep on bringing me these curved metal scoops. But we all know the Speeoons have been defeated in the last Galactic Cosmic war and have been removed from existence so there is no longer any Shpoones.
Not since I disintegrated the last of them.
Now could somebody get me a metal scoop so that I can get some of this soup. Or do I have to go get some SpeOrks.
Ready to spoon and, occasionally, fork.
If someone brings a knife, they’re all forked.
If someone brings a phone, they’re all forked.
Fixed that for you.
What do I do with these scissors?
Run.
Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to lap you twice more?
Maybe later they can go bowling together – if that is their cup of tea.
Depends on who’s got balls enough to do it.
If there is a teabowl. It follows that there must be teabowling.
Is that akin to teabagging?
Where did the first part go? AHEM!
If there is a cup of tea, then logic dictates there must be a teacup. But if there is a teacup, we can surely infir there is a teabowl. If there is a teabowl, it follows there must be teabowling.
They’re not mutually-exclusive. They can spork!
Morpheus, eat your heart out.
Our Super Science Star Dina’s gonna free her lover’s mind with the power of SPOON BENDING!!!!
🕹️⌨️🖥️ ✌️😎 🖥️⌨️🕹️
*plays “Mysterious Place” by Deniz Akbulut on Hacked Muzak*
I’m breaking through
I’m bending spoons
I’m keeping flowers in full bloom
I’m looking for answers from The Great Beyond…
Wait what is Cross Code? Is it any good?
It’s like Sword Art Online and The Matrix had a baby. It’s SPECTACULAR!!!
..And another game gets thrown atop crushing weight of my gaming backlog.
I will dig myself out from here eventually, Wellerman and then I shall have my revenge. You hear me Wellerman!?! REVENGE!!!!
I just completed it after getting it in the Ukraine bundle. It’s my favorite indie game now.
I didn’t know there was a Ukraine bundle! I can’t believe I missed it! 😭
“SPOON BENDING”
Obligatory.
I hope nothing ever comes between these two.
Like hungry giant, starving for cereal and with a taste for irony.
Fantasy is probably next if/when Willis gets done with DoA. His characters have covered sci-fi as far as I know, and this is slice of life. A giant could appear next strip. Only patreons can know for sure!
I just finished Tiny Tina’s Wonderlands, and now I’m picturing Willis as a crazed DM running his characters through a zany D&D campaign.
I actually really want to see these characters in a fantasy/dnd setting now. Who do you think would be what race and class? I’m seeing Dina as a halfing rogue, or maybe an articifer. Becky could be a bard, or hear me out an orcish fighter. Joyce would probably be a human paladin and/or cleric that’s just recently lost faith and has to find a new patron or respec.
How about Dina as a legendary monster with dinosaur powers?
✌️😈 🦕 🦖
https://imgur.com/a/ZzZwEty
Wow that’s actually really good. Did Willis draw this or is it fanart cause I can’t really tell?
Bit of both. The base image is from a strip, but Wellerman’s been workin’ on this edit for a while.
Fun fact: In 5e, a Paladin that forsakes their faith can become an Oath Breaker Paladin and they are emo as all get out. They get abilities like “Control Undead,” “Dreadful Aspect,” “Aura of Hate,” and “Dread Lord.”
They could also go Oath of Treachery, which is HELLA FUN.
Joyce is a barbarian! Her power comes from RAGE.
Clearly multiclass, then.
First 12 members of the cast list(minus Ruth), split into 3 parties of 4.
Team Bad Emotional Reactions
Walky: Warlock. High Charisma, but depends on others to push him.
Amber: Barbarian. Very physical, far beyond what should be normal, and has anger issues.
Dorothy: Wizard. High Int, not good with her hands, loves to study, dreams of unimaginable cosmic power.
Ethan: Cleric. Previously of Transformers, now of some sort of Death God.
Team Sex:
Becky: Paladin. Faithful, used to surviving the worst demons can throw at her.
Dina: Moon Druid. Wildshape, summons dinosaurs, etc. Also surprisingly wise.
Joe: Warlock. He doesn’t worship anything, he’s in it for what he can get out of it. Or what he can put it in. And he’s high Charisma.
Jennifer: Rogue. She solves problems. They are not always problems you want solved, especially not by her, especially not how she chooses to solve them. Also, dat high kick.
Team Joyce’s Harem:
Joyce: Cleric. Faith matters(mattered) to her a lot, but she’s definitely more mental than physical about it. Currently a fallen Cleric, we’ll see where she ends up.
Sal: Sorcerer. High Charisma, but doesn’t get power from anyone but herself.
Sarah: Fighter? I’m not sure on her, TBH.
Danny: Monk. Kind of useless, kind of enjoyable because of that. Spread a bit too thin to succeed at any one thing.
Basically all of this is arguable, it just makes some sense to me. Teams were mostly me trying to keep certain pairs or trios together and failing miserably.
Dammit now I really wanna play DnD!
Give it a shot. I spent years wanting to play, looking for a group, but nothing ever took off until I decided to stop waiting around and just run my own campaign. I had no prior experience but it went pretty great. One of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
There is no heart button and I am pressing it.
With his singing and ukelele you didn’t make him a bard?
Sarah fighter? Sarah! Fighter! +2 Bat of Justice. She’s tall, so has long reach, adding some punch to the hit.
Wrong, Danny’s a Bard. (lots of skills, none of them of any use to the party, unless it’s a PARTY.) We don’t really have a Monk archetype.
Okay, so I took some inspiration from Viktoria’s list and decided to take my own spin on it. This is less based on how the characters are in DoA, as much as it is based on how their character concepts would work in a fantasy setting.
Joyce: Cleric. As much as I think Paladin would fit better thematically, Joyce doesn’t strike me as someone who’d fight like a Paladin. Cleric is good enough, but I see her less as a Cleric who’s lost her faith moreso as one who’s switched ideologies. See Kristen Applebees from Dimension 20. I can also see her being literally any other class as long as she’s got the Acolyte background.
Walky: Wild Magic Sorcerer. Full of magical potential and has no idea how to use it? A ticking time bomb of chaos? Subclass abilities literally being the ability to magically luck your way out of trouble? That’s Walky in a nutshell.
Amber: Barbarian is kinda perfect for her, but what about Amazigirl? I think Rogue or Ranger would be an obvious fit for AG. Maybe they multiclass. Maybe something else. Idk.
Dorothy: Wizard. Next.
Jennifer: In the absence of an Acrobat class, I’m gonna have to go with Monk for this former Cheerleader. Maybe with the Entertainer background.
Dina: Druid. I like to think a fantasy version of her would be into dragons instead of dinosaurs but YMMV. Insofar as 5e doesn’t have a Draconic Druid subclass, I think Circle of the Moon works best. Hell, Moon Druid fits a dinosaur-lover even better.
Becky: Monster Slayer Ranger. No reason, other than the class just seems very Becky to me. Lover of all things nature, good at surviving, it just feels like what Becky would WANT to be. Part of me wants to give her an animal sidekick that kinda corresponds with Dina. If we’re having dragon-loving Dina, Drakewarden. If Dina likes dinosaurs, Beastmaster. Either way, I really want the animal companion to be Fuckface. I know he’s traditionally Malaya’s pet but who cares, Willis has changed character histories before.
Sal: Cavalier Fighter. A class that’s often considered boring, but is actually really neat. Cavalier because she rides a motorcycle so I’d just expect to see that swapped with a horse or something else of that sort. Also serves as an interesting contrast to Walky; she had to learn how to fight, as opposed to her brother who was just kinda born lucky,
Sarah: College of Lore Bard. I know everyone’s probably expecting Fighter because baseball bat, but like I said, I’m not taking the characters as they are, I’m imagining how they’d be in a fantasy setting. A law student like Sarah being a College of Lore bard already makes sense, but the addition of Cutting Words and Vicious Mockery feel very Sarah to me. Also, any class can use a baseball bat. That’s like what, a club? That’s a simple melee weapon. Even your average 5e Commoner can add their Proficiency Bonus to their Attack rolls with one of those.
Ruth: This is by far the trickiest one for me. Rogue? She doesn’t strike me as a Barbarian despite what many would expect. Probably not something like an Assassin or Thief rogue though. I could see Hexblade Warlock as well. Ruth is terrifying, after all.
Danny: This guy was born to be a Bard. Danny is the epitome of a D&D character with high Charisma, low Wisdom, and just approaches so many situations in the worst way possible. But he’s more charming than people give him credit for. He’s a support character for sure; at least, he’s got that potential in him. Also, ukulele.
Joe: Warlock. Joe would absolutely sell his soul to get laid. Any sort of Warlock patron would work; I’d love to see something like a Fathomless warlock though.
Ethan: Oathbreaker Paladin. Fits well with his whole emo vibe. Probably Oath of Devotion before they lost Mike.
Carla: Artificer. I feel like this one is obvious. Pulls magic items outta her back pocket and uses her ingenuity to get out of every situation.
Not sure what everyone else would be, but I feel like this covers the most prominent members of the main cast except Malaya. Fuckface does complicate things. If he isn’t Dina’s pet, maybe could me Malaya’s familiar? Idk what class they’d be though.
Danny was very much born to be a high-charisma low-wisdom bard.
Clerics are god-optional now, right? Joyce fits.
I vaguely remember Willis saying he wasn’t really interested in medieval fantasy stories, so I wouldn’t expect an official “the Dumbing Age” fantasy version of this cast
Apparently they’re for eternity
Historical puns, cute content, ridiculously long tag lines. Willis outdid himself tonight.
This is genuinely adorable 🥰
And Dina remains undisputed best character
I don’t know, I think you could make a case for Dorothy or Wonderbread (he the plays a ukulele, has stylish hat, and makes very good toast).
Actually, Malaya (hot, mean, has a lizard)
The best character is just Fuckface. (Hot or cold- depends on the sun. Incapable of human language, so their mean is pure biting
no remarks. Is 100% genuine lizard.)
All bow to the cult of Fuckface.
SPOOOOOOOOOON!
Not in the face!
Awwwwww, the absolute CUTEST pair of spoons.
My God. Project Spoon.
Dina could DEFINITELY give Keanu Reeves a run for his money! 😎
Neo: “There is no spoon.”
Dina: “I have recently completed a study that contradicts this claim.”
Well this is just adorable
Cute and gay and gay and cute and cute and gay and
This needs a thumbsup or heart reaction.
❤️
I also find it adorable that Becky is clearly such a huge sub for her small gf.
-nod nod-
I find it adorable and heartening and happymaking to see someone who is at least a little bit legit domme portrayed as nerdy and soft-spoken and not even 1% some hourglass leather-clad straight-dude-gaze* Boss Lady.
(*I am aware a lot of straight dudes think Dina is hot, I’m talking about the habit of portraying female dominants as conventionally attractive sex objects. I do not want to rant so tl;dr unconscious gender roles, rar rar, hiss boo.)
Agreed, although I wouldn’t mind if Dina wore leather.
dunno, Dina in Leather strikes me as going straight to self-parody. She’s far more impressive being so mild and even sweet natured-the type that can be absolutely terrifying if you understand the vibe, rather than someone who’s just trying too hard.
When bad things inevitably happen in this relationship, it’s gonna be really, REALLY messy. No way this has a happy ending.
I feel like these two are gonna be okay in the end.
While I agree they’re probably endgame I do think there’s gonna be a rough patch or two in their future
There’s gonna be a MASSIVE cliffhanger at the end of this chapter, isn’t there?
I’m cool with them never breaking up (I know “freshman relationships don’t last” but also it’s fiction and so falling in love with the first person you meet is less of an albatross around the neck), I just want to see them struggle to make that work more often.
I’ve definitely said stuff in the past like “Becky’s boring but she and Dina are fun to read about” before the Faith-Off happened and what Becky did or thought started being of interest to me, so I think the only reason I’m down on them in the immediate moment is that we got done two who months of them together that worked out to everyone’s immediate best interest where Becky’s helpless to deal with her complexes so Dina carefully untangles them. Happy relationships are cool! It’d just be nice to see them, like, inconvenienced in a way where Dina can’t process Becky’s problems for her and there’s some struggle on the two’s part to resolve it.
Like, I’d want Dina to do things on her own time and have her own foibles and fuck up in her own interesting ways than just be Becky’s emotional support girlfriend, which she feels a little stuck in at the moment, like she doesn’t get to make the same big mistakes as everyone else. I think that’s only a problem to me now though because it was so much at once and for one of Becky’s longest-standing neuroses, and so I’m hoping the signals Becky’s thrown out that she’s still reeling from having sex for the first time and what it means to her lead to some of that painful drama that I, a degenerate, read this series for.
This strip’s real good, though. Not just for the wordplay, but I like that it’s Dina trying something she thinks will work.
Yeah, Dina is falling into this trap of “I can help make all the bad things that happened in your life better”.
It’s absolutely adorable and very appropriate of two 18-19 year olds. I’m just hoping it doesn’t blow up like these things generally do.
Did… did Dina just reclaim ‘spoon’ and make it an act of intimacy rather than a threat of violence?
She really IS saving Becky
That’s some Matrix-style SPOON BENDING right there!!! ✌️😎
At the rate Dina’s going, Becky’s mind will be free in no time!!! 😆
It had not even occurred to me that she was trying to give Becky good connotations for the word spoon but now that you said that it’s obvious that’s exactly what she’s doing.
literally never stop being jealous of becky dina is actually goals
Dina: “How even relationship?”
also Dina: *absolutely amazing at relationship*
She didn’t absorb a lot of society’s toxic ideas about love and relationships and instead just tries to communicate with Becky.
Yeah, so much fractal wrongness, plus Becky’s more the exception than the rule when it comes to MANY things, altogether more than enough to compel Dina to take a more individualized approach with the Power of Science!!! ✌️🥲 🔭🧠🌌 🦖🦕
*plays “Infotain Me” by Ochre on Hacked Muzak*
brain isn’t working today but this is cute
This is just so freakin’ wholesome, great job Dina
“and I promised this big spoon won’t spank you… unless you want it to”
And there’s no wood in this spoon!
Lesbian joke!
Originally I worried about these two I didn’t think they’d work but. Dammit do they work. I love them so much. Dina you’re so sweet and try so hard and you make Becky so happy. And Becky is so understanding and patient and doesn’t judge Dina for being different and sometimes strange and is genuinely filled with wonder at what Dina loves. These kids are going to work.
It’s been nice seeing them enjoy each other’s company while also working on understanding each other.
It really is and I’m so happy for them.
Yep, nope, all I got today is “🥺”
Lots and lots of “🥺”
Cheer up! Things will get worse.
Eat Arby’s
Dumbing of Age Book 12: It is a Very Big Spoon
All the better to scoop you with, my dear!
(Also, I approve the hovertext.)
Is that an american thing? I don’t get it.
Spooning is a form of reclining cuddling where one partner is the “big spoon* (the person behind) is hugging the other (the “little spoon”) in front. The term comes from two spoons nested together.
Can we count it as Dina 2 x God 0?
More like Dina 1 – Dr. Dobson Team 0. Scoring against a fictitious entity is like playing FIFA against the Beginner level.
Awwwwwww♡♡♡.
This is the cutest shit and I love Dina.
Thank you Willis
This is really freaking cute, I just wish Dina didn’t have to do all the heavy lifting in the relationship :/
I think Dina likes caring for Becky.
That’s a trap you don’t want to fall into though, a relationship shouldn’t be one person doing all the emotional work, it’s a PARTNERSHIP, yeah maybe she likes caring for Becky but Becky needs to do some caring for her partner too, you don’t just get to take and take and take and take in a relationship.
Well pre-timeskip Becky organized a big birthday party for Dina to show her appreciation. She could maybe learn to express herself better but I think the desire to do nice things for Dina is there.
There’s also a fine line between making sure a relationship is a partnership and making it transactional, and the fact that time in this strip moves at a couple of moments per day by our perception, it’s easy to get bogged down in what seems like a very long-term for us but is much less so for them. I don’t think this is a concerning imbalance at this point.
Not only did Becky organize the birthday party, remember where Dina’s dinosaur “bed” came from. Becky is clearly trying to express appreciation and affection. She also clearly doesn’t have all of the best tools in which to do it, but she made a huge effort in the birthday party to make sure the party was about Dina and what she wanted and needed.
Yeah I think TODAY has been mostly about Dina taking care of Becky and it’s easy to get focused on that because of the slow pace. The counterexamples we cited happened years ago real-time.
Let’s not equate throwing elaborate birthdays or buying big gifts to emotional support though okay? They are both expressions of love, but one needs a balance of both, not just big gestures but smaller ones too.
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
MY HEART 💕
No. Stop. I am going to die from how much I love Dina.
Yeah I’ll say it again, these two are gonna be just fine
Shout-outs to the silly doubters.
I have speculated not so long ago on the statistical unlikeliness they can have a lasting, fulfilling relationship. Mostly cause having them break up is the opposite of what I want. But then, I saw a tweet from Willis today saying something along the lines of “when are the doubters gonna get that these girls are invincible”, and it occurs to me if they do find out they want things out of an intimate relationship that the other can’t give them, it might not happen until they’re like, 40, or a theoretical future where Willis is still doing this comic 500 years from now.
Yeah, even if they break up in the summer between freshman and sophomore year, we’re probably never gonna see it as readers.
(I personally don’t think they’ll make it through more than two, maybe three years of college together, but we’re not going to get that far.)
I mean yeah, they’ve literally never not been.
Dina thinks she’s a rebound and the resolution there is that it’s never brought up again.
A lot of people were worried when Becky was freaking out about Dina’s lack of sexual desire but was unable to have a calm discussion without catastrophizing.
And then Becky started blaming herself for it until Dina decided “eh, time to seduce Becky” and brought a checklist to sexytimes. Becky catastrophizes, she thinks she needs to be pressured into it, that she’s not sexually enticing to Dina, and then she just stands there long enough for Dina to figure all that out for her.
Like of course they’re gonna be fine, they’ve yet to have a problem that wasn’t Becky flipping out about something that Dina can patiently explain away.
These two are so pure I can’t even.(can’t even stop crying)
aight all you cuties, i’m drunk and depressed so i’m gonna rant for a bit. (s’fine, no one reads comments after 1 or 2pm EST.)
i’m french right? so i’m not sure i’m allowed to complain on a mostly US forum that my stupid fucking country just locked in 5 more years of hardcore neoliberalism. (spoiler i’m gonna do it anyway) i’m poor, i’m on welfare (a distant dream for many of y’all, i know) but i’m not the worst off.
For one, as you can tell, i speak english. You wouldn’t know necessarily but being fluent in english is a massive privilege in the rest of the world. i’m white, my parents are middle class, one way or another i’ll probably be fine.
but not all of my friends will be. i feel like a broken record, but i’ve lost a non-white disabled trans friend recently. A good few of my friends and loved ones are poor, non-white, queer/trans, lower-class, disabled, sex workers, and so on. (and anarchist, barely a choice i might add. at some point it’s just the only position that even makes sense.) France just went through a dizzying spell of neoliberal reform accompanied by ever louder dog-whistles to the far right under Macron, and since yesterday the best-case scenario is that same piece of shit getting reelected as president.
so many of us really believed we could get the less-than-exciting left-wing candidate (i will not call him far-left, he’s a milquetoast socialist and still the media portrayed him as a radical scarecrow) to the second round of the election at least, and he got soundly beaten by the far-right candidate. Sorry, did I say THE far-right candidate? ONE OF THE far-right candidates. That’s right, not only did we not even qualify for the second round, the fascists were actually divided and still made it. A full third of the french population voted for some version of fascism. Kill me now.
i’m mourning so much more than my own (limited) comfort. I live in a musty flat with little light and i depend on welfare and petty end-of-the-month arbitration between food and social life for a good half of the year. it’s very likely i’ll have to give up what little comfort i have (i like to work as little as i can and have time to improve myself and help others, not to mention deal with my less-than-stellar mental health; call me a parasite i guess) but rn i’m so worried for my fellow humans being pushed back at the borders (except Ukrainians cos they’re white and christian, good on my state for welcoming a few of them, they deserve help but the double standard is just so blatant???), and for so many others whose lives will just go one deteriorating.
And i’m so fucking gobsmacked that SO many of us voted for the same man who actually managed to reduce public health spending in the midst of a fucking pandemic. Honestly, how. why. who.
oh and it’s my birthday today (april 12) btw. 🤷♀️ FML
My experience is that there is no point talking to a drunk person because they can’t process input – effectively they can’t hear you. But I’m going to post this anyway, and hope that you come back and look when you’ve sobered up.
Yes, things are pretty shitty right now, with authoritarians “winning” all over the world. Pretty much everybody is screwed except the top 0.1% (in French 0,1%). I can only say “This too shall pass”. I can’t say when, but I know it will get better.
Not the best time for a birthday, but we can’t control that. Hang in there and remember that you are a worthy human being even if some other humans say you’re not.
And please don’t think of yourself as a parasite. That applies to the aforementioned wealthiest 0.1% (and Wellerman, if you believe them. I’m unsure what is going on inside their brain), with the possible exception of Elon Musk.
eh, i’m tragically not that drunk. i still enjoyed your reply and had a good laugh at your punchline =)
i’m not sure i share your, shall i say long-term optimism. I’m scared, is the short of it. Really, there’s not much more to it. Not so much for the state of the world long-term (oh, that too, but it’s a bit too abstract to really impact my day-to-day emotional state) but just for the coming months and years. Selfishly enough, i’m scared of change, of the effort of adjusting to a more cruel and brutal State. And i’m scared of how bad things will get for people i care about.
thanks for your sweet words though. I do struggle with the sense that i matter, to anyone in particular not to mention to the wider world around me. But yeah, thanks, i will try to hang in there <3
Re: Parasite, Milu, you’re not a bad person for depending on welfare. You’re a vulnerable person, and like any other living thing on this planet, you do whatever it takes to survive, to maintain health and sanity, in an unjust, indifferent universe that doesn’t care about anyone or anything, including itself.
At the end of the day, we’re all just living things — crudely assembled, self-sustaining piles of protein and sugar. There’s only so much that 4.5 billion years worth of happy accidents can do right. So don’t sweat it pal! 😉
If it’s any consolation, I think being an alien parasite is awesome. Sure beats being part of a species where individuals are punished for being randomly born into the wrong body ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Plus I have powers that ordinary humans don’t, so there’s that.
Also I take very much pride in being an living nightmare to conservative causes that hate me!
🌌👾 😈 👾🌌
*plays “Let Me Hear” by Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas on Hacked Muzak*
hey Wellerman, thank you for your reply, your first paragraph especially is beautiful and lovely <3
i realize both you and Bathymetheus have read me a bit too literally. I don't, in fact, think of myself as a parasite. That's what the people in power in my country say about me. The barebones welfare state that now allows me to choose when to work and when to lick my wounds is about to get dismantled because, precisely, people like me and my friends are seen as parasites leeching off the wealth produced by others. That discourse is currently used to justify de-funding public health and education and the safety nets against poverty and its comorbidities.
Also i'm curious about that sentence you keep repeating, that 4.5 billion years of happy accidents can only do so much right. it strikes me that 4.5 billion years is actually a very, very, very long time, like unimaginably long afaic, so… i can’t say it suggest an obvious conclusion to me. (also why that figure? the estimates i’ve seen place the origin of life around 3.8 billion years ago, so presumably you chose to count down from the formation of planet earth? why not 13.8 Ga, aka the age of the known universe?).
Like, is that supposed to be a reflection of our limitations? Because it seems to me you could use the exact same fact to express wonder at how exquisitely complex and precise a mechanism the human body, or the entire natural world, is.
i’m not saying one conclusion is more valid or interesting than another, i just wanted to point out that maybe this argument, which you rely on a lot, is not as intuitive and compelling to everyone as it seems to be to you =)
…also the other thing it inspires me, especially in the context of my post is like… “what does that have to do with anything”. sure, we’re animals, we’re made up of molecules, but… i for one still value my choices and desires and wish to live in a more considerate world. The reason shit is fucked right now is not because evolution is random and life is this weird glitch. It’s because of social and historical reality. Not biology. That’s like if someone is talking about a novel and you go “well, this book is just dehydrated cellulose tissue” or whatever. Like, why would you say that? I’m genuinely asking =)
We really shouldn’t expect the indifferent universe to support humans’ preconceived notions of “ideal lives” — in this crude world, this crude universe that barely wants to cooperate with the us, imperfect solutions are all we have.
Even if there are better solutions available than the one you’ve chosen at the moment, chances are it would have been impossible to know, given the knowledge would only be available after the fact (Hindsight Bias).
The point is that our limitations, our failures, are more often than not due to factors beyond our control. We’re given bad hands, we do what we can with them, and at the end, no matter how badly things wind up, we have the knowledge that we tried our best, and nobody in the same circumstances could have done any better than us.
Re: Historical Reality, of course the repugnant Bourgeois in your country want anything but to acknowledge this reality of the human condition. 👿
As usual, they distort language, social custom, religion, so called “””traditions”””, values and philosophy around their goals to make themselves look reasonable, to make their selfishness look like altruism, to make their bloated power, the status quo, seem like an oh so natural and universal order. But this is ALWAYS an illusion.
“All that is solid melts into air, all that his holy is deconsecrated, and the human at last is compelled to face the reality of their condition, of their relationships with other living beings, and with their own kind, under sober circumstances.”
Now imma go be a good parasite and seize these motherfuckers’ means of production!!! Mostly indirectly, through pointed words, learning programming, and making games for a progressive webcomic!!!!
Care to join me? 😈
*plays “Propoganda” by Taku Iwasaki on Hacked Muzak*
*also plays “Be Quick Or Be Dead” by Iron Maiden on the Hacked Muzak*
✌️😈
You’re fine, man! Have a good anniversaire, and bonne chance malgre tout.
thank y… i’m fine? i’m not sure what you mean by that. I’ll take it as a compliment i guess, so, thank you =)