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It’s the second Patreon bonus strip for July! It’s Blowjob Cat! It’s both these things and more! Well, okay, it’s only both these things. There’s not a lot more.
Plus remember you can up your pledge to see tomorrow’s strip early every day!
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you jam a straw in it, DUH
actually though if you cut off the top with a knife and then squeeze it into your mouth, it’s a really good way to drink it
I mean, there’s technically nothing wrong with just eating it like an apple
this is why god has left humanity to burn
“Why hast thou forsaken me!?”
“It’s the orange thing. Exclusively.”
Mmmm. Zesty.
Isn’t the skin where most of the remaining pesticides end up? I’m fine with that being a myth though, since I did like eating orange skin until I got shamed out of it for health reasons.
Just like every fruit and vegetable produced en masse by modern farming. They’re usually coated in wax to extend their shelf life, too.
Summer oranges aren’t even orange, they’re full of chlorophyll like the leaves which makes them green. They’re either cold shocked or treated with ethylene gas to trigger the chlorophyll to break down, then hit with food dye to make their color more appealing on the shelf at the store. (Pictures of orchards of trees full of orange oranges are taken when it still cools off enough to trigger the color change naturally.)
Just rinse it off first and it’s fine. I wouldn’t worry about any of that any more than the dihydrogen mo oxide that permeates the things.
Do you know that full immersion in dihydrogen monoxide for an extended period is 100% lethal?
That’s a myth. I tested it on a goldfish, and it was just fine.
Anyone who has ever come into contact with the stuff has died. It’s true!
That’s not true at all. I’ve come into contact with it and haven’t died.
The reverse is true though: Everyone who has died has come into contact with DHMO.
[Homer consoling Bart meme]
You haven’t died yet!
Cut it in quarters and THEN peel it.
Isn’t that cheating? I mean, it takes all the challenge out of it.
Don’t be ridiculous. That’s how you eat lightbulb steak.
Just get one of those orange nerf balls and soak it in orange juice. Easy to operate and reusable.
Hospital “mouth moisturizer”. They make you suck on a sponge with it poured all over it.
Get a second ball for vodka and we may be in business.
A nerf screwdriver as it were.
Well, she’s trying at least.
Works as a verb and an adjective.
Becky certainly thinks so.
I’m still not sure on Robin. I guess she’s trying but does that make up for what a tool she was before? Not for me. Not yet.
Fair, but any effort to improve as a person puts her in the upper 30% of parental figures in this comic, I think.
Yeah, although I’d feel better about things if this didn’t imply she survived on a diet of candy and fast food. Y’know I’m starting to think Robing might be what an adult Walky would be and doesn’t make me feel to great.
I remember reading about Harry Harlow’s wire mother study, and I feel like the wire tube wrapped in terrycloth would make the upper 30% of parental figures in this comic.
If that’s the experiment I’m thinking of, given the bare metal version that dispensed food and didn’t provide any snuggly comfort but didn’t actively damage the baby monkeys (just passively by not providing any nurturing) which they starved to death avoiding is better than a few of the parental figures who go out of their way to damage their kids, I feel that’s saying a lot less than it should do…
I’ve said to some people, “You were raised by the wire monkey, weren’t you?”
Man conclusively prooves that monkeys also get more emotionally attached to stuffed toys than fridges.
The cultural context matters; at the time, people were telling mothers not to “coddle” their kid too much. Harlow proved conclusively — without having to use human subjects — that comfort is vital to a child’s development.
Your right as retrospectively obvious as the results are I prefer people experimenting on monkeys than doing that experiment on human children without their consent on a wide scale.
I actually believe monkeys are just as capable as us at knowing that neither is real and are just using each item for what it provides.
So I looked up who that was and am both fascinated, repulsed, and impressed. He named one test device “The Pit of Despair”, and that was a good description of what it was and did.
I remember telling my younger son’s therapist that I felt like the wire monkey compared to my husband.
He’d cling to Dad until hunger compelled him to seek food and drink from Pop – then he’d scurry back to soft, warm Dad.
Both he and I got better in time.
I kinda like how Robin is competing with Leslie for Best Lesbian Surrogate Mom.
I mean, Robin’s not WINNING or anything, but it’s nice to see her try.
Becky Beckying FTW!
Also kudos for Robin recognizing that traumatized people need time to process their trauma.
panel 3 is an incredible mood, ngl
She’ll scratch in the sand, won’t let go his hand
He says he’s a beautician and sells you nutrition…
Aw, she’s trying!
Very trying, but trying nonetheless!
I love that “trying/trying” has become the official description of Robin
She’s trying, in a non-judgy sort of way.
After rereading Becky’s interactions with Hank when Ruth was full on suicidal has me very concerned about where she is right now.
We know the reason she was concerned about ‘missing the signs’ was Bonnie, if that’s what you’re worried about. (Who Becky found after her suicide attempt, which did not immediately kill her but seems to have done eventually-fatal damage.) That said, given that parenthetical, I’m certain Becky carries quite a bit of guilt there and being completely and not just effectively orphaned has probably brought it back to the surface.
Becky’s not the #1 Needs Competent Therapy Now character here, but she is a SOLID #3 (after the obvious Amber and Billie, who is at least STARTING it. Ruth would probably edge Billie out if she weren’t currently in it as well.)
I want to argue with you on #2 versus #3 spot but honestly my heart’s not in it and I think you might be right anyways.
Given Billie was/is in an actively self-destructive place and Becky is in an unhealthy but functional place, I think it works?
Distinction between immediate trauma aftermath and long term problems?
Billie’s in worse shape overall, but Becky’s need may be more urgent.
Basically my logic, yeah. Becky’s also been seriously traumatized over a period of years, so I do think she’s in worse shape in general than she lets on. But Billie’s been pretty clearly and significantly depressed for a while, just more functional than Ruth for much of that time. (A lot of the sexy lesbian suicide pact was her idea, after all. And that scene where Billie comes to Walky’s room and cuddles because she’s not up to going to classes is a yikes one as well.) Active self-destructive tendencies outweigh the immediate trauma in my book.
That said the ranking’s mostly academic. All these kids need mental health support, pretty damn bad.
I guess Robin was put on the worst parents poll do to lack of care competence rather then lack of spirit. Still, better than most of the others. I rather have a parental figure that doesn’t know about healthy food but is willing to try and cares for my mental health rather than one that tries to pigeonhole me into a role at the expense of my mental health.
She’s less a parent and more the Wacky Aunt who buys you cool shit and takes you to amusement parks but doesn’t know how to run the dishwasher, is how I think of her currently. Still, room to grow where a lot of parents have actively refused the opportunity when presented to them.
And also the stalking/refusing to leave Leslie’s home and the unwillingness to take a firm political stance if it costs her votes, but those are separate issues from her parenting acumen.
Though one might wonder if part of the reason for taking Becky in is tied to her interest in Leslie. A weird kind of parents fighting over the kids and using them against each other parallel.
Very possibly. There’s definitely some significance to her showing up last storyline as Leslie was taking them to breakfast.
Though to be fair, while it might be narratively significant, that could just be both Leslie and Robin rushing to the scene and Leslie being there first. She wouldn’t have known about Leslie and breakfast beforehand.
More that the shot itself seemed to have some narrative weight there. Seemed like Robin saw them, at least?
Its odd because she’s not a parent as far as I know.
But I don’t like how she handled the house.
Get. Everyone. To therapy. NOW.
They’re gonna watch Con Air and spoon on the couch while Robin sternly looks on, still trying to peel that goddamn orange.
But who’s the big spoon and who’s the little spoon?
Dina is the big spoon, obviously. Her sexy dino powers are too mighty to be contained within the confines of the little spoon.
As long as she’s busy buryin’ herself in this, she doesn’t have to think about buryin’
anyoneanything else.I want to believe, in my heart, that that is a small grapefruit.
I’m going with large tangerine/satsuma, making her inability to get it open even funnier.
No wonder Robin wanted to stay at Leslie’s, she can’t cook to’save her life
Is Robin really this stupid?
*sigh* it would appear so. I wish I could write her off as a ridiculous caricature, but current events indicate that someone like her in fact could get elected in this country.
It’s worth noting that the correct comparison is from her to various House Representatives. Not… higher.. offices. When you look at the last ten years of people who’ve been put there, her election is entirely believable.
There are a frightening amount of stupid people who have been elected to political offices in this country.
This is why I prefer mandarins, they are far easier to peel.
Becky, I would wish a job where I could play video games. You need help immediately just lke the entire main cast of this story.
Robin is evolving into: Semi-competent Reluctant Mom Robin!
Next stage is Shortpacked Robin, I think.
Jesus how is Robin so fucking stupid and useless? Seriously? It’s a goddamn orange!
She probably never read the instruction manual.
When she finally gets the rind open, she’ll be disappointed to find it’s not made of chocolate inside.
Now I want the raspberry orange. Yum!
Robin’s an idiot savant. Very good at eating sweets and goofing off (the ‘savant’ part), plus a master of right-wing politics (the ‘idiot’ part).
You do understand she’s not real? She’s there largely as a chunk of Dave Willis comedy relief and straw man. At any given appearance, she will be as smart or as stupid as Willis wants to either drive the plot or provide a punch line. None of the people in this comic truly behave as real people do, but some are more storybook or clownish than others. Employ the MST3K mantra…
Of course she’s not real.
Like some others, she suffers from being based on a more cartoonish version in a more cartoonish comic, but she’s here and being treated somewhat more realistically and getting character development, so it’s reasonable to query how she’s portrayed.
yeah, a drama tab
*Ominous musical stinger*
(Pamela’s still around in this universe, right? I seem to recall she is.)
Pamela is still around
Though she has only appeared twice
Hey, that’s one more time than she appeared in the mainline Shortpacked universe, I’m pretty sure!
I like to think she actually runs Galasso’s the business (taking care of all the vendor contracts, accounting, and personnel), and lets Galasso scratch his megalomania itch by putting him in charge of running the kitchen as head chef.
My belief as well. Galasso’s a delightful mascot. Pamela keeps shit running.
I hope Robin doesn’t find a Drama tab on that orange.
I think it’s safe to say the drama tab has already been pulled, what with the dead parents and the kidnappings and the kidappings by parents and the kidnapping parents killing other kidnapping parents…
Honestly, a ‘parent’ figure giving me permission not only to engage in relaxing games while depressed/distressed and then openly encourages me spending time with my girlfriend (me being queer) as well is about 900 times better than what I’ve had all my life, and this might be a low bar but I appreciate what robin is doing here.
like she’s not doing GREAT but you gotta at least appreciate the effort
I was gonna suggest Breath of the Wild as a soothing game that also involves food, so Becky can feed Link as a reminder to feed herself, but then I remembered the game features a fraught father-daughter relationship and
WELP maybe not that one
Becky’s reactions to games could be it’s own comic:
THE LAST OF US 2:
“Why does Ellie care about Joel? Joel was an ass. Wait, she’s leaving her lesbian relationship to go avenge her dead father? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?”
…thanks for the spoiler…
I thought her dad died in like the first 2 minutes of the original game? That’s not much of a spoiler.
Nope, he’s alive throughout all of the first game.
Becky could sure use Leslie right now. Robin, too, for that pesky orange.
How nice to be able to visit a Bloomington that isn’t about to explode into racial tension.
Here in the real world, the sequel that no one here wanted, White Nationalists vs Everyone 2, Electric Boogaloo, has been set up. Unfortunately, last year’s festivities have already been topped. Last year the fight was over some white nationalists who were proven to have aided and abetted other white nationalists in their quest to firebomb an Indiana synagogue also happened to have a stand at the local farmers’ market. Since the farmers market was put on by the city itself, constitutionally the city could not ban them from participating. It would up being a weekly conflict between white nationalists and Antifa. I now long for those days.
This year the conflict is over an attempted lynching this weekend of a black rights activist by a bunch of racist pricks. Fortunately, he was not killed, though the racist did give it the old GED try and he wound up pretty beaten up. Fortunately, his friends managed to help him get away.
Not so fortunately, the cops did not arrest anyone despite more than half a dozen witnesses and several separate videos showing what the racists were doing. There was a protest this evening about that. That’s where things took a darker turn.
As the protest rally was dispursing, some white woman drove around the barricades put up by the cops to divert traffic and deliberately ran over a few protestors. Most wound up okay but there is a woman who was taken to the hospital whose status I still don’t about. I hope she turns out okay.
So yeah, your fictional version of Bloomington with costumed villains turns out to be one I would rather be in right now.
Ugh. Thanks for raising awareness. Hopefully she’ll be charged with attempted murder (and not, you know, murder) and have the book thrown at her.
Are people actually trying to be examples of why the Good Ol’ Days sucked?
Horrible. I was going to get all political with how you take away peoples humanity if you refer to them in terms of “nationalists vs antifascists” but even though I would like to think I know the core of the problem, this is not the place and it wouldn’t make the situation you’re in any better. So, be careful and hold on.
Another problem with that would be that you’d be lying. Poorly.
I feel comfortable with the terminology I used. I used the term “Antifa”because that’s the name of the group that came and basically hijacked the protests.
As far as the white nationalists, they earned that term. It started with an online community of white nationalists coordinating online to bring in other white nationalists from out of state to attack minorities and minority-owned businesses and structures. In this case, a synagogue outside of Indy was to be firebombed. The perps came to Indiana, stayed with a local couple who gave them supplies and information, and they set off to burn down the synagogue. Fortunately, they got cold feet but still heavily vandalized the property.
At their trial, the local couple got exposed via court documents. This couple owned a farm and was a vendor at several local farmers markets, including in Bloomington. Once they were outed, all of the private markets revoked their charter but the Bloomington market could not do so as it was government run. This prompted protesters who encouraged all patrons to boycott their booth.
This went on for a few weeks and picked up steam. Then the couple apparently sounded the online alarm. A bunch of armed white nationalists descended on the farmers market to “protect them”, but really they harassed customers of the other vendors. Their continued attendance attracted Antifa, and the resultant protests/shouting matches (and death threats) resulted in the farmers market to close for several weeks out of safety concern.
So yeah, fun times. It ruined one of my favorite things about living in this town. Every weekend my wife and I would go to the market, sometimes just to buy breakfast from the food stands and eat while listening to street performers. Last year we didn’t get to do that much and not at all this year.
There is no group called „antifa“. It’s not an organization or a club with memberships. Antifa describes everyone who is „anti-fascist“, which, to be frank, should be everyone.
If you feel that this idea excludes you, that might say something about you.
Yeah, no. The original Antifa was a militant organization created by the Communist Party of Germany. And just like that group modern Antifa is full of communists desiring a “revolution”. As someone from a country which was ravaged by both Nazis and Commies I don’t like antifa.
Antifa is an ideology in America not an actual group because otherwise they would go after it. Just like the President attempted to do. In America, “members”, are anyone who wishes to put on the mask and harass Neo-Nazis.
Isn’t that why Antifa operates in independent cells with no clear leaders so government can’t go after them?
Sort of. I think even “independent cells” implies too much organization. Revolutionaries and terrorist networks work in “cells” and they usually do so with a heirarchical command structure, just that most people in any cell don’t know how to contact other cells or the superiors.
It’s more of a movement than even that kind of organization. Modern US antifa is full of leftists, socialists and communists, but mostly they just oppose fascists. Which is a worthwhile task.
It’s certainly not for everyone and the ideology goes well beyond just opposition to fascism. It’s a particular kind of opposition – direct action, not just political opposition.
Antifa is a group to the same extent that hackers are a group. And about as organized.
Ugh. Yeah, the supervillains sound pretty good by comparison there.
living in rural monroe county is fucking terrifying these days
FYI — these were not barricades put up by the police, but an individual using one of those rental scooters as a barricade. Check the video here — https://news.yahoo.com/two-protesters-hit-car-anti-064909418.html
Skip the comments, though … most of them make you wanna puke. Definitely shows that white privilege is alive and well and not all that far beneath the surface in Indiana.
It’s nice that she’s trying.
I appreciate what Robin is trying to do here, but being told how to grieve is *really* goddamn annoying more than anything else. It will be much more obvious than this usually when someone who is grieving actually wants your input.
I see it as being told how to self-care – which is still annoying, but a different kind of annoying, and feels a lot less obnoxious to me.
In my experience, people usually go too far in the other direction and don’t mention the tragedy at all. I’d rather people made an attempt to connect even if it’s clumsy.
She is panicking a bit as far as I can tell. Here is a girl who was involved in a kidnapping and saw her dad die. Robin has absolutely no idea how to deal with it so she is trying first thing that comes to mind.
as someone who tries to cope like becky…I think robin did good here tbh
It feels safe saying that, if nothing else, the last thing Becky needs to be doing the day after her father died is read hundreds of Tweets from trolls telling her it’s fake and she’s doing it for attention. (And since as far as we know, Becky doesn’t have her own Twitter so much as she runs Robin’s feed, she may not actually be allowed to block them.) There is nothing good that comes from having to see Those Assholes. Since running Robin’s official Twitter comprises a pretty significant part of her job, she really can’t bury herself in work at the moment without dealing with them, so: no work for a while. Bury herself in something containing zero anime avatars instead.
Cut it in fourths and suck it, Robin.
Twelve mentions of the word “trying” in these comments so far (plus this one).
Robin is awesome. I’d date her… <3
She’s The Best! <3
lesbian exes, co-parenting.
Neither of whom really understanding how to parent…
appropriate avatar >:(
Aw, so sweet! ^^
Feel the skin of the orange around the bottom and you’ll feel a bunch of seams radiating away from the stem, where the skin of the orange is slightly thinner. Dig your fingernails into the seam to perforate it and then you can tear the skin to pull the orange apart. It will naturally split into slices as you tear it apart. Juices will go everywhere, especially if it’s a naval orange, but you -can- peel it and eat it successfully.
Drop it on the ground and step on it. That’ll work too.
Nah, just pull the
dramaorange tag and it tears itself apart.Psst, it’s ‘navel’ orange – so called due to the pucker in the rind looking like a belly button.
Pulling open a naval orange will get you a gallon of seawater in your face.
Robin, you moron. There’s a zipper on the back.
…. does Dina DO video games?
If they’re dinosaur-themed video games, she might.
If she’s into games, she certainly has Saurian
Odds are that she also plays The Isle, Beasts of Bermuda or Primal Carnage
Maybe a heavily modded Jurassic World Evolution as well
Has someone made a paleontology simulator? Seems like the thing she would enjoy, and also something I would enjoy
Well, there are the old SimEarth and SimLife games…
Ahem:
https://store.steampowered.com/app/864700/Dinosaur_Fossil_Hunter/
Ooh, thank you! *Makes note* There was also that old DK Dinosaur Hunter game, which I have deep nostalgia for. The dinosaurs are outdated, since it came out in the mid-90s, but as a 90s educational game, it was pretty accurate for the time.
Thank you! That was eerlie precise
Dina’s undoubtedly invested weeks and months of her life perfecting her Riptor play for whenever anyone asks if they’re up for some Killer Instinct.
For some ODD reason, I suspect she’d enjoy Pokémon.
Gee, Becky! How come Willis lets you have TWO moms?
Because he took away the first one for no fault of hers (at least as far as we know).
It can even be argued he took away TWO moms from her (at least one and a potential one). Becky did just about grow up in Joyce’s house. Carol SHOULD have stepped up and helped her out, the way Hank did. Instead, she tried to help getting her kidnapped a second time.
I wouldn’t say Two moms, a mom and a half? A mom and a quarter? Robin still has a long way to go.
More like two Big Sisters.
Leslie really doesn’t want to replace her old mom.
Personally I’m surprised it’s a fruit at all
No Robin just press the round thingy and it pops open, DUH
“Fruits an’ Crap” sounds more like a store brand version of Trix.
Well, yes, but “fruit” is making FDA-level promises they can’t keep, and “froot” is probably TM’ed. “Freut”, maybe?
Is Fraught the word you are looking for?
Okay fine, “Fruity Crap” then.
If it’s fruit-y, then technically it could possibly not be fruit. If that works for “pebbles” of flattened rice, it can work for spheres or whatever shape you can cheaply manufacture corn dust into.
“FROOT LOOPS” is indeed trademarked by Kellogg’s, but only the combined term, and only so far as it extends to breakfast cereals.
The Fuller brewing Company (in England) wanted to trademark the name “Froot Loops” in the EU for a fruity ale that they intended to release in the summer of 2019. releasing this summer. Kellogg’s objected; however, based on the evidence presented the UK Intellectual Property Office (UKIPO) held that there was a low degree of similarity between the two trade marks, dismissed Kellogg’s opposition, and granted the brewery the trademark for their ale.
So I suppose if you were to create “Froots an’ Krap” you just might get away with it, but I assume you would have a long, expensive, uphill fight on your hands to do so.
One of your moms is better at it than the other, but personally I’m glad they’re both trying.
Robin is slowly becoming a pretty decent adult who really takes care of others… Is this really possible?
Grab a knife by the handle cut the orange in half preferably so the little grey or white circle or dot is at the top of one of the halves. Note keep the hand steadying the orange away from the blade at all times. Now cut each half in half so the orange is now in quarters. You can now use the quarters to make goofy orange smiles.
Mama robin I enjoy
Nice take on that old knock knock joke…orange you glad….that’s an oldie for sure!
Panel 5: Just in case you’d forgotten that Becky is, in fact, still a teenager.
She’s trying.
how has she lived this long?
I can’t shake the theory that Robin is actually far smarter than she makes out but is also fantastically lazy. In order to get away with not really doing anything for herself, she imitates severe educational delay.
That said, it’s just as likely that she really is that dumb and has just been lucky to have jumped from rich parents who could afford maids to keep her to public office that gives her money to hire more of the same.
There is a lot of evidence for Robin being starter than she looks.
For example…
uh…
…she correctly managed to identify an orange?
Once you’ve got down all the basic functions and common sense dangers to avoid, you don’t need much common sense smarts to live like how to peel a fruit you don’t eat commonly anyway. But really it is more likely to be she has rather severe ADHD as we know she is fairly knowledgeable about politics at least and learning how to peel the orange she had no interest in just never registered as info she might need.
She’s not even good at politics. Or basic interaction with constituents.
I’ve got no idea how Robin functions. Or how she hasn’t just died off a diet of nothing but sugar.
I think she might be a toon.
I generally assume that Robin, like Mike, was carried over from the Walkyverse, goofiness and all, but that their attendant cartoonish quirks land so much worse in a relatively more grounded universe. (Robin being a representative in Indiana rather than California and shifting her politics – at least enough to get elected – to match also doesn’t help anything.)
Who knew Robin was a better mom than DoA average? It’s not a great achievement, but you have to start somewhere.
DoA average starts at rock bottom, then digs itself in a hole.
Huh! Color me impressed. Good for you, Robin.
They’ll eat the orange one alive!
There is no escape from momification.
incompetent to live, and *still* an above-average parent in this universe
Robin’s heart is in the right place at least. Hopefully she also grows as a person as a result of this.
Well…she’s trying. God help us all.