While I disapprove of the latter, I’m not sure I can criticize criticizing Amber given what he knows of her so far.
If somebody popped out of a bush and announced that you’re hot while somebody else still hiding in the bush talked to her as though you couldn’t hear him… how would you react to that.
So for people who actually have a problem with this, staring at the bridge of someone’s nose makes it appear as if you are looking them in the eye without actually doing so.
. . . .I admit that I am finding Asher to be incredibly charming already. Even if the spelling of his name makes me squint whenever I see it. Ashur is how I know it.
yeah this small, present-time glimpse is fairly endearing. I mean, he might fuck it up pretty fast (thankfully Willis takes no time in making it clear if and how a character is an asshole, so we can sooner make decisions about who we like and hate and dislike as people but like as characters).
Also he’s rather perceptive (eg, already caught she makes eye contact with Walky when they’ve barely looked at each other and inferred that they are friends)
Yeah, he’s really taking control of the situation. The situation of being surprised by a stranger coming out of the bushes talking about his attractiveness. M-maybe this isn’t the first time it’s happened to him?
He wants to assert his dominance over the interaction, but instead of T-posing like a normal goddamn person, he’s decided his eyes are worth looking at.
Amber popped out of the bushes talking about how hot he is and Walky is still hiding while talking out loud as though being unseen makes him inaudible. How is he meant to react?
Okay but this girl jumped out of the bushes declaring how hot he is, and now she’s staring at his chest and neck. If the genders were reversed here, the issue at hand would be glaring
At first I thought ‘yeah it would probably be weird to talk to someone while they’re staring at your chest’ and then I realized I wouldn’t know because noticing would require me to look at their eyes…
So, seconded.
Only really that it can give you the illusion that the other person is paying attention. Which they may or may not be. I can be staring a hole through someone and not remember a word they said.
Well, he is sort of worried about Sal’s hooligan former associate pummelling him into a thin, homogenous paste. However, I do think that Asher’s is going to be more concerned about stopping Amber hyperventilating and going into catatonia at this rate!
MYSTERY SOLVED I GUESS!
OH wait this mission has been a near total failure so far. I mean they confirmed Asher is present. Probably. If Walky saw him because Amber doesn’t even know for sure what he looks like. Maybe they could show her a picture later.
I have no problem making eye contact with anyone, but how much to make differs depending on the other person’s social background. It’s kind of like personal space, or how firm to make your handshake, but apparently even more important.
Figure it out in the moment, get it right instantly, because if you get it wrong you’re either cold/weird or creepy/weird. First impressions only happen once! Mind-read this person you’ve never met, or be judged a social misfit!
Never mind that the problem as stated is totally asymmetrical. The other person is Right by default, and you must match what they want, or be Wrong.
Somehow, most people get it right without thinking about it, or get it wrong and skate past it, or something. But you – you get it Wrong by default, so now you must get it Right via careful study and conscious effort.
Oh yeah, and act natural, and be yourself. Those two things are very important. People can tell if you’re faking. Don’t make others uncomfortable.
Now go out and be social! Make friends! Get a job! Find a romantic partner! Don’t stress so much about this! What are you, neurotic?
The trick is of course that the other person doesn’t really get it right without thinking about it, they’ve got the same monologue running through their brain and they can’t tell you’re faking it either. 🙂
Not always of course, but far more often than we think.
The people who can say, screw it, and relax have an advantage. Being able to say screw it is a learned skill. It is, however, not without its own disadvantages.
My eye contact wanders a lot, partially because I’m uncomfortable and also for no real reason, but I do try to look at their eyes occasionally or other facial feature.
It would be hugely ironic if Asher and Sal run into each other and hit it off based on rueful recollections of what totally brain-damaged idiots they were when they were kids.
I love when a character is too flustered to speak English good. And this is one of the most broken I’ve seen while still getting what they’re saying. It shouldn’t make me laugh as much as it does, but it does.
I get it, I hate eye contact too, but I feel like people are forgetting the context of what Asher is seeing here so let’s lay it out from his perspective:
– you just stepped out of class for a break
– some random weirdo girl jumped out of the bushes declaring how hot you are
– apparently she has some other weirdo friend also watching you from the bushes
– you want an explanation, but she won’t stop staring at your chest and neck
Dude probably feels hella objectified. “My eyes are up here” is a pretty common response to someone staring at your body in a way you feel is disrespectful
It’s not uncommon for Asian dudes specifically to have to deal with being objectified, given how anime fandom and then K-pop have progressed, and the lesser experience with negative feedback means women willing to go that far sometimes go really far.
It really is the ‘remarking he’s hot from the bushes, then staring and behaving in a way that could be perceived as distracted by sexiness’ factor. The start point is objectively creepy, which casts the rest of her behavior in a bad light. If Asher doesn’t have much experience with people who aren’t neurotypical he’s not going to have a frame of reference for this beyond the starting creepiness. (And we have no clue whatsoever about that.)
From Walky’s line in the last panel it would seem he doesn’t believe Amber’s social anxiety is real, and that it’s just something she uses to protect her secret identity, like glasses, costume, different hairdo and voice. Instead of “mild-mannered reporter” she’s “social-anxiety-ridden student,” to keep her alter-ego secret.
I’m not sure if she’s told him anything that couldn’t be construed that way either.
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“oh no unfamiliar person talking to me, my worst nightmare”
←legit
Super legit. And that’s why customer services jobs are so rough!
… Well, it’s one of the reasons.
If any job exemplifies the phrase “hell is other people”, it’s customer service.
Oh, Amber, honey. Try staring at his chin. It’s close enough to pretend it’s eye contact.
i have mastered the art of looking at someone’s eyes while focusing on a completely different object in my periphery just to avoid this kind of thing
Word.
His chin is too rugged, she’ll get distracted again, she needs to follow my advice and focus on the bridge of his nose.
I dont know… a rugged chin is a nice change from everybody else’s chins that are so angular they can split firewood.
I tend to look at peoples’ eyebrows.
I think this one has worked best for me. But my eyes still have the urge to wander around. It’s like I have to keep them busy..
If you look -right- between the eyes, they believe you’re looking at them.
It works, is what I do XD
I stare at people’s noses. So far, no one seems to have figured it out.
Try the bridge of his nose, it’s close enough
I think Lou Grant caught out Mary Richards (on the old Mary Tyler Moore show) for doing that exact thing.
“Look me straight in the eye.”
“I am.”
“You’re looking at me straight in the nose.”
Funny enough it was Amber who advised exactly against this strategy!
“Should. Should is a good word.” To replace some Pain and Panic logic there.
I don’t know who you’re quoting there, but “should” is a very dangerous word, along with “ought” and the phrase “if only”.
I love him already
But all he’s been doing is criticizing Amber while smoking a cigarette!
Is this negging?
While I disapprove of the latter, I’m not sure I can criticize criticizing Amber given what he knows of her so far.
If somebody popped out of a bush and announced that you’re hot while somebody else still hiding in the bush talked to her as though you couldn’t hear him… how would you react to that.
I’d back off slowly and avoid eye contact.
“how would you react to that.”
I’d.. eye my flask in concern, pause, shrug, and then drink some more?
I guess in Asher’s case, that’d be a long hard drag off his cig, instead.
And then, yeah, what Agemegos said. 😛
Yeah, no, this is a pretty logical response.
Dumbing of Age Book 9: I BAD AT PEOPLE, NO EYE-CONTACT GOOD
Motion is seconded.
hear, hear!
This is the best potential DoA book title.
I mean, yes.
I think that’s just my new motto.
I love him already!
I hope some day I can be the one someone gives eye contact to. That’s when I’ll know I’ve really found someone special!
Yes, that is correct, your What Friend. The friend that you what with.
WHAT the WHAT???
Although my eyes could see I still was a blind man…
Our eyes are yet to open. Fear the old blood.
So for people who actually have a problem with this, staring at the bridge of someone’s nose makes it appear as if you are looking them in the eye without actually doing so.
Also, Walky why are you still hiding?
Because Asher is going to recognize the twin brother of the girl who used to run with him.
Amber: Damn it Walky this is your fault for getting into this awkward situation with this gorgeous guy!
Walky: Ok Amber I get it I’m not as hot as him, sorry.
Amber: For getting me into this or for not being as hot?
Walky: Both!…No wait I- argh!
Ooh, I just realized Asher could be entertaining as a male version of Sal (personality-wise).
Yeah he reminds me a bit of Willis’ genderswap of Sal.
… is it just me, or does it kinda look like Asher is drawing on his shirt with a piece of chalk?
I know it’s the smoke, it just…
Not just you, had to do a double-take myself.
I saw it the same way before I remembered Asher smokes.
You *could* look at the bridge of the nose.
That masculine cliff of a nose.
My speech therapist told me to focus in on the eyebrows when I can’t look them in the eye.
“I bad at people no eye contact good” is practically my motto.
Same here.
Is there room for another?
Will there be T-shirts?
Wow, I didn’t realize Amber’s social anxiety is *that* bad…
We’ve seen her in flashbacks to four years ago. This is significant progress.
It’s probably on heightened status right now, considering everything that’s going on.
Dude’s wearing a turtleneck, how bad could he possibly be?
I’m betting she’d love some Gendo glasses, then no one would know.
. . . .I admit that I am finding Asher to be incredibly charming already. Even if the spelling of his name makes me squint whenever I see it. Ashur is how I know it.
yeah this small, present-time glimpse is fairly endearing. I mean, he might fuck it up pretty fast (thankfully Willis takes no time in making it clear if and how a character is an asshole, so we can sooner make decisions about who we like and hate and dislike as people but like as characters).
Also he’s rather perceptive (eg, already caught she makes eye contact with Walky when they’ve barely looked at each other and inferred that they are friends)
I guarantee you that if you read Chaim Potok’s novel “My Name is Asher Lev,” you’ll get desensitized to that spelling.
You will however not be able to think of him as anything other than a Hasidic Jew. 🙂
Well, so far Asher’s handling his (re?) introduction to the comic pretty well.
Yeah, he’s really taking control of the situation. The situation of being surprised by a stranger coming out of the bushes talking about his attractiveness. M-maybe this isn’t the first time it’s happened to him?
Honestly not a bad plan. Being incredibly awkward at him gives a pretty good clue of what kind of person he is.
“Amber uses Awkwardness! It’s kinda effective!”
Amber can pretend Asher’s chest is on his face – that might help.
I’m just loving how Walky is a part of Amber’s super-Rolodex now.
Male Sal!
Mal!
Evil!
Amber is like Joyce looking at Billie’s breasts.
Amber: “I want to be protected by your chest!”
Asher: “…”
i very much dislike this eye contact-obsessed man
leave us be, we can’t help it
(yes i know everyone is saying Bridge of Nose but even the face is still too much for me; i have a lot of problems)
He wants to assert his dominance over the interaction, but instead of T-posing like a normal goddamn person, he’s decided his eyes are worth looking at.
Fair, but… I mean look at what he’s reacting to.
Amber popped out of the bushes talking about how hot he is and Walky is still hiding while talking out loud as though being unseen makes him inaudible. How is he meant to react?
Okay but this girl jumped out of the bushes declaring how hot he is, and now she’s staring at his chest and neck. If the genders were reversed here, the issue at hand would be glaring
How about we all collectively stop pretending to like eye contact? It’s worthless and only serves to make people uncomfortable, so why bother with it?
At first I thought ‘yeah it would probably be weird to talk to someone while they’re staring at your chest’ and then I realized I wouldn’t know because noticing would require me to look at their eyes…
So, seconded.
Eye contact can be great. If I happen to feel like it.
What, specifically, is great about it?
Only really that it can give you the illusion that the other person is paying attention. Which they may or may not be. I can be staring a hole through someone and not remember a word they said.
I’ll vote for that, just because my fiancee hates being told “Eyes are up here” (she’s 4’9″) and I want to support her.
Walky’s leaving her alone up there LOL.
Well, I guess it’s too much to ask him to be a good wingman
Well, he is sort of worried about Sal’s hooligan former associate pummelling him into a thin, homogenous paste. However, I do think that Asher’s is going to be more concerned about stopping Amber hyperventilating and going into catatonia at this rate!
This is going well.
MYSTERY SOLVED I GUESS!
OH wait this mission has been a near total failure so far. I mean they confirmed Asher is present. Probably. If Walky saw him because Amber doesn’t even know for sure what he looks like. Maybe they could show her a picture later.
OK, so this eye contact thing…
I have no problem making eye contact with anyone, but how much to make differs depending on the other person’s social background. It’s kind of like personal space, or how firm to make your handshake, but apparently even more important.
Figure it out in the moment, get it right instantly, because if you get it wrong you’re either cold/weird or creepy/weird. First impressions only happen once! Mind-read this person you’ve never met, or be judged a social misfit!
Never mind that the problem as stated is totally asymmetrical. The other person is Right by default, and you must match what they want, or be Wrong.
Somehow, most people get it right without thinking about it, or get it wrong and skate past it, or something. But you – you get it Wrong by default, so now you must get it Right via careful study and conscious effort.
Oh yeah, and act natural, and be yourself. Those two things are very important. People can tell if you’re faking. Don’t make others uncomfortable.
Now go out and be social! Make friends! Get a job! Find a romantic partner! Don’t stress so much about this! What are you, neurotic?
Yes. This.
The trick is of course that the other person doesn’t really get it right without thinking about it, they’ve got the same monologue running through their brain and they can’t tell you’re faking it either. 🙂
Not always of course, but far more often than we think.
The people who can say, screw it, and relax have an advantage. Being able to say screw it is a learned skill. It is, however, not without its own disadvantages.
I don’t make eye contact because people get freaked out.
I think that Asher and Walky should be genuinely concerned about Amber blacking out from a panic attack at this point!
My eye contact wanders a lot, partially because I’m uncomfortable and also for no real reason, but I do try to look at their eyes occasionally or other facial feature.
Asher gives me Sal vibes.
Also I really feel Amber here.
It would be hugely ironic if Asher and Sal run into each other and hit it off based on rueful recollections of what totally brain-damaged idiots they were when they were kids.
Now I really want that to happen.
I love when a character is too flustered to speak English good. And this is one of the most broken I’ve seen while still getting what they’re saying. It shouldn’t make me laugh as much as it does, but it does.
This is me.
Maybe I’m going insane, but Asher looks like he’s about to cry
I can relate to this so much!
Also, I love all the awesome, astute, and hilarious comments – thanks!
I get it, I hate eye contact too, but I feel like people are forgetting the context of what Asher is seeing here so let’s lay it out from his perspective:
– you just stepped out of class for a break
– some random weirdo girl jumped out of the bushes declaring how hot you are
– apparently she has some other weirdo friend also watching you from the bushes
– you want an explanation, but she won’t stop staring at your chest and neck
Dude probably feels hella objectified. “My eyes are up here” is a pretty common response to someone staring at your body in a way you feel is disrespectful
It is, but it’s mostly a woman’s response: some dude staring at her breasts. Guys aren’t as commonly objectified and not usually in the same ways.
I mean, it’s not like you can see anything through his shirt anyway.
It’s not uncommon for Asian dudes specifically to have to deal with being objectified, given how anime fandom and then K-pop have progressed, and the lesser experience with negative feedback means women willing to go that far sometimes go really far.
Why does it matter where she looks? Explanations don’t require looking in specific directions.
It really is the ‘remarking he’s hot from the bushes, then staring and behaving in a way that could be perceived as distracted by sexiness’ factor. The start point is objectively creepy, which casts the rest of her behavior in a bad light. If Asher doesn’t have much experience with people who aren’t neurotypical he’s not going to have a frame of reference for this beyond the starting creepiness. (And we have no clue whatsoever about that.)
Well either way he’s dealing with a stranger. Taking charge of the conversation this way is either about controlling risk or controlling her.
“What friend?” is a pertinent question. Walky got her into this.
I’m all for more Wambulance, but ugh, Walky.
Bridge of the nose and they won’t be able to tell the difference
Lampshading that Amber will make eye contact with Walky. Willis is a shipper.
From Walky’s line in the last panel it would seem he doesn’t believe Amber’s social anxiety is real, and that it’s just something she uses to protect her secret identity, like glasses, costume, different hairdo and voice. Instead of “mild-mannered reporter” she’s “social-anxiety-ridden student,” to keep her alter-ego secret.
I’m not sure if she’s told him anything that couldn’t be construed that way either.