Obviously the solution is for the two of you to beat up each other’s abusive father figures.
Becky can vouch for this theory, Amber helped take down hers and she couldn’t be happier about it, so apparently if someone does it on your behalf there’s no comedown.
Although if Blaine and/or Ross are still in a hospital, they are probably both still in Bloomington. Clint would presumably be in a hospital in Carmel, about 70 miles north. (It’s not like he’s coming to Bloomington unless it’s to humliate Ruth.)
Amber was objecting to drinking at Joyce’s party and did chide him for drinking – this was back when the split wasn’t as pronounced (it got markedly worse after Toedad) but yeah, this is a thing with Amber too.
Both Amber and Amazi-Girl are opposed to underaged drinking because it’s against the law. For both of them, it doesn’t seem to be about alcohol per se, but about drinking alcohol when it’s against the law.
[I forgot and broke the two-link rule, so my original response went into the moderator’s queue. Ignore this if you see it after my original post goes through.]
Both Amber and Amazi-Girl are opposed to underaged drinking because it’s against the law. For both of them, it doesn’t seem to be about alcohol per se, but about drinking alcohol when it’s against the law.
Although I will say, Amber doesn’t seem opposed in principle to the point she’s not willing to be inconsistent, but it seems like she’s gone back on that since she’s decided AG’s more important.
Though that was all immediately after she’d hassled Sal and her crew for underage drinking – which was just an excuse.
Part of her later opposition was her thinking Amazi-Girl at least had to be consistent and not being willing to admit that it was just an excuse to fight Sal.
Even if it’s totally irrational, it can feel to anybody who’s been alienated from normal life as if they’re out there alone. War vets included. “Wait, people have gone through this before? And…become okay????” is a huge and necessary breakthrough. And sometimes, it takes time.
Also, there aren’t actually a ton of therapists equipped to handle DID (or dissociation that could be easily mistaken for it) without making things worse. They exist, for sure, but it’s not one of the better understood mental illnesses out there.
As it happens…I had DID, or was dissociating as a result of [trigger warnings galore], and you’re right. I had an awesome therapist and a good solid support group, but none of them had a clue how to deal with somebody turning into somebody else right in front of them. What helped me the most was feeling safe. When I understood that there were names for what had happened to me [redacted because yep triggers], that I could freak out about what had happened to me without the other people in the room going “Ah! Weakness! Ha-ha!” and attacking/going “No! Your experiences are not real! You are crazy!” and attacking, and that I could tell on the people who had hurt me without the world caving in…then the dissociative periods became less and less frequent. I also learned how to name my emotions and the physical symptoms thereof, because the kind of person who turns somebody else’s childhood into a trigger warning doesn’t usually spend much time teaching that sort of thing, and also how to manage stress, ditto.
So I think Amber has a chance, if she finds a good therapist and sticks with it. It won’t be easy; it won’t be quick. But eventually she could look back from where she is and go, “Wow, I took so many tiny steps that I’m all the way up here?”
Note: At the time it was called MPD, and I got a tentative diagnosis from somebody who freely told me that she was flailing in the dark. As I have learned more on my own, I have concluded that somebody who is naturally able to enter a disengaged, dreamy state and is subjected to conditions that are inescapable and also full of existential horror (example: you’re still little enough that your parents are the center of your universe, but they keep hurting you) will develop alters as self-protection, but their selves will become a self again when they are in a better place. As I understand it–note that I haven’t kept up with the literature–there are people with DID who just have it, without any cause they can pinpoint, and they go on having it. That wasn’t my case.
Clearly, you have taken a great many steps. As a fellow human being, I am sad that you had such awful experiences as a child. But I am glad that you have managed to get where you are today. That journey cannot have been easy. Well done.
Eh. My attitude through the whole thing wasn’t “I will nobly remake myself, I will Rise Above.” It was “They want me to stop existing? Or remain dehumanized and helpless? EFF THAT.” Spite and stubbornness will take a person far. 🙂
1. A therapist who isn’t so naive, or so unable to deal with their own Issues, that they push family reconciliation/becoming the family “healer”/bothsiderism on every client
2. A therapist who doesn’t believe that the certificate on their wall means that they never have to do any research
3. To be well away from anybody who wants to use her as a straight man or disposable NPC in their personal Ain’t I Great Show, because if she manages to uncouple her self-hatred from attempting to parkour and fight people until she dies, it’ll latch onto a new form of self-abnegation
4. Somebody to remind her to eat, sleep, and exercise, because depression or mourning, call it what you will, is going to bite her hard as she Works On It
To be fair, she’s still pretty much a teenager. Like, you can’t really tell the difference between a high school senior and a 1st semester college freshman.
And like, I bet there aren’t too many therapists who’ve worked with a person quite like her.
Even adults not used to feeling understood can have that problem. KNOWING, on a rational level, that other people have been through the same kind of things you have is not the same as believing it
Even when it IS A teen being melodramatic, it isn’t always JUST that. Trust isn’t something that comes easy for everyone
Because they are unique. No one has a carbon-copy of someone else’s depression, and I wouldn’t be shocked if Amber’s been to some seriously bad counselors who thought it really was that plug-and-play.
It’d be so much easier if it really was one-size-fits-all treatment.
From the sound of it, Blaine didn’t let her see a therapist before the divorce finalized and after that he was still in contact for about two years before he stopped talking to her for about three years, up until Freshman Family Weekend.
I’m guessing she’s depressive. Depression can do this thing where you feel broken beyond repair. Not even worth the effort to try. And since no one can truly see how broken you are, deep down, no one can help you.
Not sure if other mental problems can do the same thing. Thing is, you have to learn to ignore that creepy little voice in your head. It’s lying to you. Learning that is difficult though.
She obviously has DID and PTSD; that doesn’t mean she’s not also depressed. She seems to have a very low sense of self-worth… this may be because of guilt from the PTSD, and it may have led to her dissociation: she probably felt that as AmaziGirl, she could be someone BETTER than Amber. AmaziGirl is the part of her that wanted to escape the feelings of culpability and inferiority in which Amber wallows.
I’ve seen several signs of anxiety – like the “but then they’ll KNOW I like twinkies” thing. I haven’t seen that many signs of depression, but I suspect that if she was given a standard depression questionnaire, she’d get a moderately worrying score.
I’d argue that Amber is pretty special. At this point she would need a therapist who she would know in advance would not turn her information over to law enforcement. Laws vary and so do that status of therapist.
Not that no one can handle it. No one else. She is handling it and no one else could do better. She is a rock and island. It’s a garbage island but she’s claiming it.
When I client would tell me “You haven’t lived what I’ve lived through.”, my usual reply was “And that’s a good thing. I don’t have to have lived through your trauma. I just have to know what something different looks like.” With regard to Cliff’s comment: I can’t speak for all 50 but most states observe some variety of confidentiality with the limitations of the Tarasoff Act/Duty to Warn.
. . . .This was not going in the direction I was expecting. . but I wholly approve. Sadly I think that Sir might be so old that giving him the Blaine treatment might just end up making Ruth a murderer. Don’t get me wrong that old bastard looks wide and possibly muscular but still.
So. . .Bets on whether or not Ruth will manage to convince Amber to go and seek professional help by the end of this?
Maybe they get the opposite of a suicide pact like Ruth had with Billie. “We’ll both go to therapy together”, that sort of thing.
Amber’s biggest problem is that she feels alone. She feels like nobody else gets quite as “rabid” as she does. Ruth caught her off guard by agreeing that getting revenge is tempting. The ellipses before “father”? Ruth was probably thinking “grandfather”. Sure, she isn’t going to go to the lengths Amber did to let off steam, but she has a similar problem. If Amber feels less isolated, maybe she’ll find her life is worth fixing.
Useless Fact: At Petro’s, an order of Chips & Queso For Five is cheaper than two single orders of Chips & Queso.
I wonder if it’s the same for Mexo Loco (the food court expy franchise in this series).
See, Walky wouldn’t be failing math if the problems were stuff like “How to economically acquire the most Mexican food”.
Dude would invent a new form of calculus that only applies within the walls of a Taco Bell, and somehow allows him to get 550 chulupas for three cents and a paperclip.
Somebody did math to show that one large pizza contains more pie than two mediums, so there’s that.
Also, where I am, Petro is a gas station/truckstop chain. Sometimes those places have good food, but I’m suspicious of gas station nachos.
Seems weird that Clint used different terminologies for them, though (other than being closer to Ruth’s mom, probably). Maybe Ruth was abandoned by her dad rather than orphaned?
It’s even better if you read it in Kelsey Grammer’s voice. (Clint needs a voice actor who can pull off smooth and sophisticated, then turn on a dime to deep and sinister.)
Can we make a philosophical law on this? Whatever thoughts you have, whatever experiences you think are uniquely yours, someone else has thought or experienced at one time or place before you, and someone still will think and experience it again. No matter how wild.
I’ve had the experience of telling someone this secret thing that happened to me, and they just about run over me telling how it all happened to them, too.
Why yes, I too am a super-heroic vigilante successfully fighting crime in my secret identity, while, as myself, beating the crap out of my father in costume and being widely known, as myself, for stabbing the shit out of a popular rapist. This is sort of thing that has happened to half the people on campus. — No, I’m thinking Amber’s particular set of problems are a bit above the pay-grade of the average college councillor.
I think you underestimate the problems on this campus. 🙂
My personal head canon is that all the minor character we see have lives just as complicated as the main cast, we’re just not focusing on them.
More seriously, sure her problems are serious and the average college councilor probably couldn’t handle them. The average college councilor could however identify that she’s got problems above their grade and recommend someone who could. Or at least get her started looking for someone who could.
And Amber’s hyperbole here isn’t “average college councilor”, but “anyone in the world”.
Ruth Admitting to wanting to brutalize a certain abusive father figure aside I wonder what Amber thinks of the possibility of someone out there being a worse case than her and yet being able to turn everything around
I don’t want to belittle Amber’s problems – like, at all – Because lord knows we’ve all been there – but to someone else, the sheer audacity of an able bodied white girl saying “no one in the world is equipped to deal with my problems.” Yes, Amber’s problems are real, severe and unique. But it sounds a whole lot like “i have it worse than anybody and no therapist or person has ever been through the magnitudes of what I’ve been through”. I know how the tunnel vision just…makes you feel like that. Thank goodness Ruth shows her she’s wrong in being alone with it.
I mean, I feel like “I secretly dressed up like a superhero and have a second personality living in my head” is probably the problem she’s thinking of when she says that, more so than “I was abused.” She may not know that’s a thing that’s been clinically looked at.
Developing multiple personalities is not a coping mechanism the human mind adopts lightly. It is a response to severe continuing trauma. Anyone who has that condition has had it worse than almost anybody else, probably starting as a defenceless child and likely much of it mercifully not consciously remembered.
This is a thing people tend to feel though. It never feels ‘bad enough’ to justify therapy but at the same time, it feels like no one could possibly understand your unique situation. *Your* case always feels special and like nothing could compare to it.
As someone whose also had an abusive upbringing, this. When you start seeing similarities between you and the person whose abused you, seeing yourself as a monster isn’t hard. That you’re not worth saving,not even worth the attempt.
And that there, this disdain for professional therapy, is another of those things that we can blame Blaine for. Because unlike Sal, who went through several therapists, Amber never got the chance. No doubt Blaine would state in different ways that therapy is for weak people; and Amber hates the idea of feeling weak. And while this is not true for everyone, many abused people end up trying to somehow seek their abuser’s approval; even as they despise them and everything they stand for.
Because abuse —especially when you’re a kid— really, really, really fucks you up.
But….
Not many people have even been close to approaching Amber correctly, and I’m pretty sure that it would take several different therapists before finally finding one who would be right for her. And in the meantime, her opinion that they can’t help would only be further embedded into her.
Now, it’s hard to say what’s the correct way, but Dina was on her way of managing to get past at least some of Amber’s defenses when Joyce just barged in and ruined that whole moment.
And Ruth also seems to be one that may get through; because while it’s manifesting itself in somewhat different ways, Ruth still has a good idea of the general mindset of Amber. A very good idea. She -knows- what self-hatred is like, and she knows what’s caused it in both her own and Amber’s case (“Sir” and Blaine respectively).
Even as she has her own problems to struggle with, she might nevertheless be the person best equipped for this task.
Or they might end up helping dragging each other down.
Let’s be honest though, there’s a lot of public stigma against therapy. Blaine would obviously be against it, but it’s, sadly, not an unpopular opinion.
Dorothy is the only one who’s fully on board with seeing one. Even Ruth, who benefited from group sessions, was reluctant about seeing one herself.
I’d guess Blaine would hedge his bets and tell her that no therapist could deal with the mess she is — just in case his abuse Amber felt she’d hit rock bottom and there was nothing to be lost in the ‘weakness’ of seeing a therapist, resulting in a mandatory reporter with a stable normal meter hearing the shit Blaine’s pulled.
I used brush pens which have water-based ink, on I think a mini water color canvas, but I’ve had that sitting around for so long now, and I forget the details of my impulse purchases at JoAnn Fabrics sometimes.
And yeah, that’s fair. The various art-types in my life all seem to accumulate big piles of various brushes and pens and paints and canvases and whatnot. It’s fun stuff to accumulate, you can give yourself lots of options down the road.
I’m loving the attacks on mentally ill people here.
Thinking your problem is more than the usual is a common part of the package. It’s not a way of being special. It’s not something they invent to be proud of. It’s not being a jerk. It’s just part of the package – one more reason it’s hard to seek help.
Agreed. Except I am not exactly loving it. Not only is there a lack of sympathy for Amber’s depression and self-loathing, there also seems to be a lack of appreciation that she’s not objectively wrong. She presents a complex set of mental, legal, ethical and moral problems and oddly enough, really top notch professionals with the skills and background necessary to deal with that kind of thing like to be paid. Amber is a burden on her mother when she needs new glasses.
I don’t think anybody here said she’s “being a jerk” or is somehow “proud” of being mentally ill. She does, however, seriously need somebody – like Ruth! – to tell her that the mental health profession deals with a lot of people who are even more effed up than she is, in even more novel ways.
Amber, they are called health care professionals and go to fancy schools and all. They might be just as good or even better for your psychological well being as beating up purse snatchers in the night.
Ruth knows she can’t, no matter how badly she wants to. Howie-related splashback aside, she freezes and submits to Clint’s abuse. (Fight/flight/freeze? Freeze is her default; sometimes she can override that, but not when it comes to her abuser.)
I read it as her opening up to Amber from a “you’ve felt catharsis I never will, even for a moment” angle. Will Amber take this as a relatable moment, or affirmation of her self-definition as a violent monster? We’ll find out this week!
No, Ruth, DO beat your grandfather to a pulp, but first goad him into throwing the fist punch. That way it’ll be self-defence when you put your collection of hockey sticks to use.
DID (or dissociation strong enough to be mistaken for it by a large section of the commentariot) IS legitimately under explored in psychology. There’s hardly a zillion specialists in it and a lot of psych professionals don’t believe it exists. Therapists who can handle it exist, but it is legitimately one of the less understood mental illnesses out there, especially with plenty of godawful pop culture portrayals.
“A lot of psych professionals” isn’t like a measureable number so i can’t really say you’re *wrong* but the validity of DID as a diagnosis isn’t the big debate in psychology that a lot of people seem to think it is. Like given the pop culture understanding of it it does make sense that amber would feel that way (assuming she’s even drawn that line between her experience and multiplicity) but the pop culture understanding doesn’t line up well at all with the actuality even of like…finding a therapist who isn’t complete shit about it? There’s plenty of research about it, very few professionals think it’s an invalid diagnosis, and there are plenty of therapists out there who can handle a patient with DID, even if they aren’t all well equipped to treat DID itself.
My info on that is from a friend with DID but it was a few years ago so it’s possible that’s changed.
And yeah, she can probably find a therapist who can help with anxiety, anger, depression, etc. but at some point she’s going to need help with the DID and that IS probably going to be harder to find.
And once you start digging in, you’re likely to start running into the other things.
Plus, none of it’s going to work well if you can’t start to open up about the DID and about the parts that are going to get the police interested. It’s going to be a really hard path for her.
I think she’d need a therapist who could handle DID eventually, but I also think it’s possible maybe someone who works well with anxiety, depression, anger, etc. may know someone to refer her to.
In the DID’s case, I think the issue is going to be finding a specialist close by enough that she doesn’t need to drop out or move and that will accept her insurance.
Yeah thejeff and BBCC are right that it’s. REALLY hard to get through, like, anything at all if you can’t even acknowledge the multiplicity. But it is possible to make good progress with therapists who aren’t well versed in it if you CAN acknowledge it, and just…not seeking help at all because you’re likely going to have to fire a few people before you get one who’s genuinely useful is, as it turns out, really unhelpful.
I don’t think anyone would say Amber shouldn’t look for a therapist, but I do think Amber might have a harder time finding one who can effectively help DID BUT in the meantime, finding someone who can help with the rest of her problems is better than nothing.
It’s an area and shortage thing too. My husband has a TBI and most likely DID to boot but our first 4 therapists in a big liberal city kept trying to reduce it to anything from being a compulsive liar to syphalis… on the first meeting! it took a year and a half to find a doctor willing to order a damn mri to show the repeated damage and abnormal brain pattern underneath and validate that trauma. we are in another big, educated, liberal city where we’ve gotten help before but the wait list is six months out to get to psyche number one. All this time he isn’t even getting the trial medication we had briefly that was helping because American health care system. Just having people who know what to look for and are persistent past the main suspects is in short supply all over the place. And saying you can get help? Watching my husband struggle all over the place because MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONALS were trying to tell him he was dying or lying was excruciating and starting that process definitely did not help at the beginning, isn’t helping us now, but has in brief spurts.
This is very true, and I hate it! The ICD and DSM also both handle it differently, with most online resources being more relevant to the experience you’re likely to have with US doctors.
tldr for the essay i’m trying to avoid writing here is “it’s absolutely understandable that amber feels looking for a therapist would be a futile effort but can we please not act like she’s right”
Had someone I know with DID have to lie about not having it to get out of a mental institution because the staff were critical about it. BUT the friend later went on to have a great therapist who was awesome with DID.
I don’t think Amber is thinking about BBCC’s point though. She seems so wrapped up in self-hatred, she thinks she is beyond any help. Which, sure some therapists wouldn’t be able to deal but a lot would be great.
Even if many mental health professionals are unequipped to deal with DID, surely they could at least help Amber not see herself as irredeemable garbage? That seems like the first hurdle, anyway.
Like DID is only one of Amber’s myriad of psychological issues. Even if she were right that nobody could ever understand it because she’s the world’s most damaged snowflake there’s nothing remarkable about poor self esteem or anger issues or anxiety and any competent therapist could help her with all of them.
That does not surprise me, I know all of one (1) person who has had a positive experience with institutionalization and that was both voluntary and a very expensive private institution. I’ve had several therapists clearly not believe me but it was SO much easier than I expected to find ones who did, and ones who were actually willing to work within the framework of my experience. I avoided acknowledging a whole slew of symptoms for years because I was convinced by the pop culture understanding and outdated info (and the Satanic Panic! which isn’t really outdated info so much as outdated gibberish) that nobody would believe me or be willing to work with me, and then that I had to find a DID specialist to get anything done, and I now realize that the mindset of “looking for a therapist is a futile (or borderline futile) effort” was…really, really harmful to me, and may have done preventable and irreversible damage! So while I recognize that finding good help when you have DID is often A Fucking Undertaking i. Do not care for the constant unchallenged white noise about how we’re Practically Never Taken Seriously By Professionals. I understand it’s often said with the intent of raising awareness so we might be taken more seriously by laymen, but for people who are experiencing these things and considering looking for help it’s REALLY fucking discouraging and actually not at all helpful that public chatter on the topic is mostly singlets talking about how we’re practically untreatable. It makes sense that if Amber is thinking of her multiplicity at all she’d think there’s no point in looking for help, but it makes sense because that’s all we ever hear about ourselves! Not because she’s right to any degree!
Which was all originally supposed to be a reply to your comment, but got wildly off topic! Sorry! @ every singlet who ever gets involved in discussions about DID i guess
I get that it can be harmful, but ‘There are many professionals, especially outside the US, who refuse to take DID seriously’ IS the info I’ve gotten from most of the people I’ve known who have DID. That’s not to say anyone should advise someone with DID ‘You probably won’t be taken seriously, it’s futile’ but from what I’ve heard, advising ‘Being afraid that professionals won’t take you seriously is a valid concern, but there’s professionals who will take you seriously so don’t be afraid to fire as many as you need to until you find one who will.’
Yeah, my problem is that I…rarely see the second half of that sentence outside resources specifically constructed for the purpose of advising people with DID. Public understanding tends to dictate where people start looking for help when they begin to think something is wrong. When other disorders come up in this and other stories discussion tends to build up around what kind of help is out there, what steps people think the characters should take, what it’s like to live with that disorder, how well it’s been represented, what therapy or medications mean in that situation — even other highly stigmatized symptoms like psychosis tend to get, like, discussion in between the ableism? But DID mostly gets some vague suggestions (or demands) of therapy with responses going “but nobody takes it seriously,” and misleading info about its status as a recognized diagnosis. I actually started reading the comment sections here because I found the Cerberus’ commentary and the surrounding dialogue…refreshingly three dimensional, I guess, regarding DID.
Webcomic comment sections don’t need to be mental health resources, and nobody is individually responsible for, like, discussion trends, but it’s very frustrating how it seems like all anyone has to say about DID is that doctors suck.
From what I’ve learned from -multiple- friends with DID, it was not really as difficult to find an adequate therapist than they first feared. In some cases, their own hesitance to bring it up for fear of being given inadequate care is what prevented them from finding out there were very compatible options in the first place. I’ve encountered more cases of people with BPD having difficulty finding an appropriate therapist (even being rejected out-right), than I have heard from people with DID.
Quality of care will always vary from location to location, but please don’t spread this notion that finding a therapist for DID is some insurmountable task. That sentiment actively prevents people from even trying in the first place and does more harm than good.
do you think “nobody else in the world is even remotely equipped to deal with me” is an accurate assessment of where schizophrenia falls on that difficulty ladder because. not exactly
Of course she overestimates. That’s the brain weasels lying to her.
It’s not like her self-assessment of her mental state is completely divorced from all the ways her brain is messed up and she’s just saying this because she’s an egotistic jerk or whatever people are trying to imply.
Amber, seriously, I doubt that you’re anything particularly out-of-the-norm for a decently-qualified therapist. You just want to imagine that you’re untreatable because it’s easier to just let things stay as they are. Just remember how much nearly murdering Ryan came close to driving you to your death and ask if you really want to go untreated.
Ruth, you’re not allowed to beat up your grandfather, no matter how much he deserves it.
If it were just the depression and anger, it might not be, but DID is not a commonly understood thing. Finding a therapist who specializes in dissociative disorders AND works with adults AND takes her insurance AND gets along with you enough to form an effective therapy relationship AND is reasonably competent? Yeah, that can be a tall order.
As an non-american with a friend who has DID and had a therapist they raved about (sadly had to retire because of illness) and has one now they say is decent, I was totally ready to step in with a “but!” but…oh yeah, insurance.
Still think Amber would benefit from therapy, even if it’s not an issue they cover.
She definitely would, but at some point she’s going to need to find SOMEONE who can help with DID, and last night I was thinking about a therapist who could, ideally, help with all her shit. She’d probably need more than one for different things though, so that’s really a moot point.
And yeah, count me as another one who forgot about insurance until I started looking for therapists in Bloomington out of curiosity.
As someone who also got a chance to deck an abuser – yeah, it feels pretty great. Granted, in my case, it was an accident but SHE didn’t need to know that.
mine once scared me bad enough that i tried to break his foot and i’ve been living off that high ever since. probably best that i didn’t though there would have been Consequences
Mine ran straight to tell the teacher that I hit her. I was a shy, quiet kid who was generally liked by the teachers so I told her what happened – she was picking on me (as usual) and my fists curled up because I was angry, and I slipped on the ice and hit her stomach. The teacher said ‘Oh, yeah, that makes more sense’ and I didn’t hear anything about it again.
Like I said though, she didn’t need to know it was an accident and I regret nothing.
Sure, but DID is only one of Amber’s issues. (As the alt-text put it once, her issues have issues.) It’s the big one, but a lot of work could be done on the others.
We don’t know what’s going on with her DID-wise at the moment, and I don’t know to what extent A-G needs therapy, but getting-into-fights-in-the-hopes-of-dying Amber could definitely use some. Especially as her expression in the last panel suggests she can be got through to: that’s the face of someone who’s just had her statement in the first panel completely contradicted and feels like an idiot. “Wait, I had all my shields up waiting for your condemnation, and now… well, crap. Maybe I’m not that special.”
I’ll freely admit I boned up looking for a therapist who could, ideally, work with all her issues. It’s true she can look to address other issues first – though I think she’d need a therapist at least capable of understanding and working with people with DID because that can screw with her other issues.
I’m going to point out that if a therapist doesn’t get all of it, they might not be able to help with any of it, because of the entangled mess it presents and the dismissing or minimizing of key pierces of information that can occur. As soon as they want to help with the part that is REAL… yeah, more damage coming to a brain near you.
I mean, someone who can help with all of it is ideal but failing that, someone who can help with some might be better than nothing. Understanding is essential but maybe they won’t be able to help with some parts. Some people need more than one professional for help.
Individual therapists might not be able to juggle all of Amber’s issues, but they are more than qualified to recognize problems outside their expertise and write appropriate referrals (for both insurance and finding the right help purposes).
Is that get a therapist you can’t trust and have to keep secrets from including the extent of your problems, or is that get a therapist who may be required to report you for past illegal activities and for being a danger to yourself and others.
If I still cared about her as a character I’d be understanding about the tunnel vision mental illness can cause you to experience but I don’t so I just want her to stop saying words that make me roll my eyes.
No, Amber stopped at the right place (as best as she could) in both cases. Blaine and Ryan were both a clear and present threat but, once they were incapacitated, she had not cause to continue to attack them.
I don’t know about “equipped to deal with”, but I love how Ruth immediately proves to Amber that somebody can definitely relate with her. Amber’s surprised expressions breaking up the angry glares just works really well in my opinion. Hopefully this moment helps Amber a little in the long run.
What worries me in all this is that it was a long time since we saw Amazi-girl, and since then A LOT has changed in Amber’s life. I don’t know how that will affect Amazi-girl and her nocturnal beating up of people outside Ruth’s window, but I worry about finding out.
It’s not that long, though it seems it. We saw her yesterday morning. Admittedly, a lot has happened in Amber’s life, but we’ve only missed one night of Amazi-Girling. During which Amber thinks she got some sleep.
Last seen at the start of Flyin to the Red – fighting bros with Sal.
She was missing for much longer after the Ryan stabbing – though we occasionally had signs that she’d been active. That was about a week, I think.
I doubt Amber is thinking of mental illness when she rejects therapy.
She thinks she is a bad person, a violent monster, a rapid dog. In her mind, her probelm isn’t that her brain is malfunctioning; it’s that her *self* is irredeemmable.
Like Butters from South Park explained to his bullying grandma, getting revenge feels great at first, but then you feel empty and regret a lot (I still don’t like the right wing libertarian ideas of south park).
Rage doesn’t dissapear, but you can focus it. Sadly, Amber’s problem isn’t rage, but hatred about herself.
I don’t think Amber has genuinely looked into therapists and which ones deal well with her myriad of issues so much as she constantly feels like an irrevocable disaster and is sure nothing can make her better, @ all the comments saying “people are trained for this, Amber”. It’s much easier to acknowledge others can help from outside of a situation.
I don’t think that’s fair. I think Amber just genuinely feels that she is that “messed up”, and doesn’t realize that there are other people with similar issues.
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Obviously the solution is for the two of you to beat up each other’s abusive father figures.
Becky can vouch for this theory, Amber helped take down hers and she couldn’t be happier about it, so apparently if someone does it on your behalf there’s no comedown.
Throw Momma From The Train, remade.
Yeah, ‘Strangers on a Train’ it!
Sounds good, and they can emotionally support each other after! That . . . seems like it hurts more than the bruised knuckles.
This is a good plan and nothing bad can possibly come from it.
I don’t have the best memory but I think she could’ve been a lot happier about it
well, looks like Blaine’s getting a roommate at the hospital
“he’s not there anymore!”
…he WILL BE
Ross might still be there.
Ross should be transferred to prison soon hopefully!
Blaine can be his cellmate
“To Sir, with Fists”
Although if Blaine and/or Ross are still in a hospital, they are probably both still in Bloomington. Clint would presumably be in a hospital in Carmel, about 70 miles north. (It’s not like he’s coming to Bloomington unless it’s to humliate Ruth.)
I think we already saw Blaine out of the hospital in the Faz arc.
He’s out. Though still banged up, IIRC.
It was pretty cathartic on this end too not gonna lie.
I wanted a celebratory drink when I first saw it, but maybe some variety of pop would work better for these two.
A nice cold non alcoholic sangria, perhaps?
Amber is highly opposed to alcohol, too; she chided Danny for getting drunk at Joyce’s party.
I was thinking more ‘I’m concerned Amber will develop another unhealthy coping mechanism’ but that’s a good point. Definitely pop for these two.
Grape juice. 🙂
er, wait, my brain’s stuck on joyce.
Not amber, AG. And since those two don’t really talk to each other anymore, I’m not sure.
Amber was objecting to drinking at Joyce’s party and did chide him for drinking – this was back when the split wasn’t as pronounced (it got markedly worse after Toedad) but yeah, this is a thing with Amber too.
Both Amber and Amazi-Girl are opposed to underaged drinking because it’s against the law. For both of them, it doesn’t seem to be about alcohol per se, but about drinking alcohol when it’s against the law.
[I forgot and broke the two-link rule, so my original response went into the moderator’s queue. Ignore this if you see it after my original post goes through.]
Both Amber and Amazi-Girl are opposed to underaged drinking because it’s against the law. For both of them, it doesn’t seem to be about alcohol per se, but about drinking alcohol when it’s against the law.
Although I will say, Amber doesn’t seem opposed in principle to the point she’s not willing to be inconsistent, but it seems like she’s gone back on that since she’s decided AG’s more important.
Though that was all immediately after she’d hassled Sal and her crew for underage drinking – which was just an excuse.
Part of her later opposition was her thinking Amazi-Girl at least had to be consistent and not being willing to admit that it was just an excuse to fight Sal.
Oh the old “nobody can handle me so may as well not even try” story
Such teen angst bullsh*t. There are psychologists who deal with war vets – as if that’s not as traumatizing as what Amber did.
Even if it’s totally irrational, it can feel to anybody who’s been alienated from normal life as if they’re out there alone. War vets included. “Wait, people have gone through this before? And…become okay????” is a huge and necessary breakthrough. And sometimes, it takes time.
Also, there aren’t actually a ton of therapists equipped to handle DID (or dissociation that could be easily mistaken for it) without making things worse. They exist, for sure, but it’s not one of the better understood mental illnesses out there.
As it happens…I had DID, or was dissociating as a result of [trigger warnings galore], and you’re right. I had an awesome therapist and a good solid support group, but none of them had a clue how to deal with somebody turning into somebody else right in front of them. What helped me the most was feeling safe. When I understood that there were names for what had happened to me [redacted because yep triggers], that I could freak out about what had happened to me without the other people in the room going “Ah! Weakness! Ha-ha!” and attacking/going “No! Your experiences are not real! You are crazy!” and attacking, and that I could tell on the people who had hurt me without the world caving in…then the dissociative periods became less and less frequent. I also learned how to name my emotions and the physical symptoms thereof, because the kind of person who turns somebody else’s childhood into a trigger warning doesn’t usually spend much time teaching that sort of thing, and also how to manage stress, ditto.
So I think Amber has a chance, if she finds a good therapist and sticks with it. It won’t be easy; it won’t be quick. But eventually she could look back from where she is and go, “Wow, I took so many tiny steps that I’m all the way up here?”
Note: At the time it was called MPD, and I got a tentative diagnosis from somebody who freely told me that she was flailing in the dark. As I have learned more on my own, I have concluded that somebody who is naturally able to enter a disengaged, dreamy state and is subjected to conditions that are inescapable and also full of existential horror (example: you’re still little enough that your parents are the center of your universe, but they keep hurting you) will develop alters as self-protection, but their selves will become a self again when they are in a better place. As I understand it–note that I haven’t kept up with the literature–there are people with DID who just have it, without any cause they can pinpoint, and they go on having it. That wasn’t my case.
Clearly, you have taken a great many steps. As a fellow human being, I am sad that you had such awful experiences as a child. But I am glad that you have managed to get where you are today. That journey cannot have been easy. Well done.
Eh. My attitude through the whole thing wasn’t “I will nobly remake myself, I will Rise Above.” It was “They want me to stop existing? Or remain dehumanized and helpless? EFF THAT.” Spite and stubbornness will take a person far. 🙂
Well, yes. But they don’t make it easy.
To return the focus to Amber, she needs:
1. A therapist who isn’t so naive, or so unable to deal with their own Issues, that they push family reconciliation/becoming the family “healer”/bothsiderism on every client
2. A therapist who doesn’t believe that the certificate on their wall means that they never have to do any research
3. To be well away from anybody who wants to use her as a straight man or disposable NPC in their personal Ain’t I Great Show, because if she manages to uncouple her self-hatred from attempting to parkour and fight people until she dies, it’ll latch onto a new form of self-abnegation
4. Somebody to remind her to eat, sleep, and exercise, because depression or mourning, call it what you will, is going to bite her hard as she Works On It
To be fair, she’s still pretty much a teenager. Like, you can’t really tell the difference between a high school senior and a 1st semester college freshman.
And like, I bet there aren’t too many therapists who’ve worked with a person quite like her.
hey
hey, amber
hey amber you’re not that special
HEY AMBER YOU’RE NOT THAT SPECIAL
GO TO THERAPY
Yeah, panel one had me going “Amber, hon, you aren’t that special.”
But it’s the way of angsty kids (and a good number of adults who don’t grow out of it) to think their issues are totally unique.
Even adults not used to feeling understood can have that problem. KNOWING, on a rational level, that other people have been through the same kind of things you have is not the same as believing it
Even when it IS A teen being melodramatic, it isn’t always JUST that. Trust isn’t something that comes easy for everyone
Because they are unique. No one has a carbon-copy of someone else’s depression, and I wouldn’t be shocked if Amber’s been to some seriously bad counselors who thought it really was that plug-and-play.
It’d be so much easier if it really was one-size-fits-all treatment.
From the sound of it, Blaine didn’t let her see a therapist before the divorce finalized and after that he was still in contact for about two years before he stopped talking to her for about three years, up until Freshman Family Weekend.
I’m guessing she’s depressive. Depression can do this thing where you feel broken beyond repair. Not even worth the effort to try. And since no one can truly see how broken you are, deep down, no one can help you.
Not sure if other mental problems can do the same thing. Thing is, you have to learn to ignore that creepy little voice in your head. It’s lying to you. Learning that is difficult though.
Possible, but she hasn’t shown much beyond that: She definitely feels broken beyond repair. That she’s a monster.
The general assumption has been DID and PTSD.
She obviously has DID and PTSD; that doesn’t mean she’s not also depressed. She seems to have a very low sense of self-worth… this may be because of guilt from the PTSD, and it may have led to her dissociation: she probably felt that as AmaziGirl, she could be someone BETTER than Amber. AmaziGirl is the part of her that wanted to escape the feelings of culpability and inferiority in which Amber wallows.
It doesn’t, but it doesn’t mean she is depressed either.
Low sense of self-worth isn’t depression and I’m not sure what other diagnostic signs we’ve seen.
I’ve seen several signs of anxiety – like the “but then they’ll KNOW I like twinkies” thing. I haven’t seen that many signs of depression, but I suspect that if she was given a standard depression questionnaire, she’d get a moderately worrying score.
oh, and there’s also the anger issues, that’s something most therapists should be able to help her with.
I’d argue that Amber is pretty special. At this point she would need a therapist who she would know in advance would not turn her information over to law enforcement. Laws vary and so do that status of therapist.
Not that no one can handle it. No one else. She is handling it and no one else could do better. She is a rock and island. It’s a garbage island but she’s claiming it.
When I client would tell me “You haven’t lived what I’ve lived through.”, my usual reply was “And that’s a good thing. I don’t have to have lived through your trauma. I just have to know what something different looks like.” With regard to Cliff’s comment: I can’t speak for all 50 but most states observe some variety of confidentiality with the limitations of the Tarasoff Act/Duty to Warn.
. . . .This was not going in the direction I was expecting. . but I wholly approve. Sadly I think that Sir might be so old that giving him the Blaine treatment might just end up making Ruth a murderer. Don’t get me wrong that old bastard looks wide and possibly muscular but still.
So. . .Bets on whether or not Ruth will manage to convince Amber to go and seek professional help by the end of this?
He already uses a cane, so he doesn’t need both femurs.
Hell, he’s probably rich enough healthcare isn’t a worry for him. Let’s see how he handles a wheelchair. Who needs femurs, amirite?
“Hell, he’s probably
richCanadian enough healthcare isn’t a worry for him.”Fixed that for you.
He’s not Canadian. His not being Canadian is the whole reason Ruth ended up where she is.
Oh yeah, I forgot.
Maybe they get the opposite of a suicide pact like Ruth had with Billie. “We’ll both go to therapy together”, that sort of thing.
Amber’s biggest problem is that she feels alone. She feels like nobody else gets quite as “rabid” as she does. Ruth caught her off guard by agreeing that getting revenge is tempting. The ellipses before “father”? Ruth was probably thinking “grandfather”. Sure, she isn’t going to go to the lengths Amber did to let off steam, but she has a similar problem. If Amber feels less isolated, maybe she’ll find her life is worth fixing.
In real life, murder is bad.
In fiction? Take that cane and beat him with it, Ruth.
Those eyebrows in panel 7. Ruth finally got through to Amber.
The trick is to just not stop so it never catches up with you!
Yeah, but after an hour or so you’d lose feeling in your fists.
Great! No recoil!
Useless Fact: At Petro’s, an order of Chips & Queso For Five is cheaper than two single orders of Chips & Queso.
I wonder if it’s the same for Mexo Loco (the food court expy franchise in this series).
See, Walky wouldn’t be failing math if the problems were stuff like “How to economically acquire the most Mexican food”.
Dude would invent a new form of calculus that only applies within the walls of a Taco Bell, and somehow allows him to get 550 chulupas for three cents and a paperclip.
A bistromath variant?
You can power starships with that!
Somebody did math to show that one large pizza contains more pie than two mediums, so there’s that.
Also, where I am, Petro is a gas station/truckstop chain. Sometimes those places have good food, but I’m suspicious of gas station nachos.
Yes, Petro’s has some locations in truck stops, but mainly they’re in mall food courts.
‘Cause I’ve an abusive father
You’ve an abusive father
We should fight eachother’s fathers
Fight eachother’s daaads~
Ruth’s father is dead.
Father figure rather than biological father in Ruth’s case but the message is relatively the same.
which arguably makes her grandfather her father by proxy, sadly
Ruth’s mom is dead. Her dad was just described as ‘degenerate’, whatever that means.
Her dad is dead too. Ruth repeatedly describes herself as an orphan.
Seems weird that Clint used different terminologies for them, though (other than being closer to Ruth’s mom, probably). Maybe Ruth was abandoned by her dad rather than orphaned?
No. Ruth’s parents were both killed by a drunk driver. Clint is calling her dad a degenerate to insult him because he disliked Ruth’s father.
http://www.dumbingofage.com/2012/comic/book-2/04-time-keeps-on-slippin/mutually/
First mention of Ruth’s parents being dead was her dad.
That’s putting it mildly.
“Your wretched piece of shit of a father. How is it there’s so little of my daughter in you and so much of him? Choosing that weak, unfaithful collection of mental problems was the worst mistake she ever made. And he couldn’t even die with her. He had to find immortality in you.”
Every time I recollect Clint assaulting Ruth I “get” the Doom Slayer a little more, especially the line about “boiling blood.”
Jesus Christ. Thanks for the reminder.
It’s even better if you read it in Kelsey Grammer’s voice. (Clint needs a voice actor who can pull off smooth and sophisticated, then turn on a dime to deep and sinister.)
I just read it out loud and by the time I finished, I realized I was doing Alan Rickman’s Snape. So there’s another voice that works for it….
Alarm noises!! !?
Can we make a philosophical law on this? Whatever thoughts you have, whatever experiences you think are uniquely yours, someone else has thought or experienced at one time or place before you, and someone still will think and experience it again. No matter how wild.
Or maybe that’s just a personal fable.
I’ve had the experience of telling someone this secret thing that happened to me, and they just about run over me telling how it all happened to them, too.
Why yes, I too am a super-heroic vigilante successfully fighting crime in my secret identity, while, as myself, beating the crap out of my father in costume and being widely known, as myself, for stabbing the shit out of a popular rapist. This is sort of thing that has happened to half the people on campus. — No, I’m thinking Amber’s particular set of problems are a bit above the pay-grade of the average college councillor.
I think you underestimate the problems on this campus. 🙂
My personal head canon is that all the minor character we see have lives just as complicated as the main cast, we’re just not focusing on them.
More seriously, sure her problems are serious and the average college councilor probably couldn’t handle them. The average college councilor could however identify that she’s got problems above their grade and recommend someone who could. Or at least get her started looking for someone who could.
And Amber’s hyperbole here isn’t “average college councilor”, but “anyone in the world”.
Notice, Clif, that I was replying to Mrnoidea.
It can be difficult to tell the sympathizers from the one-uppers.
Ruth Admitting to wanting to brutalize a certain abusive father figure aside I wonder what Amber thinks of the possibility of someone out there being a worse case than her and yet being able to turn everything around
More evidence for my ‘this is a hitman negotiation’ theory
The heart-to-heart talk we never knew we needed
I don’t want to belittle Amber’s problems – like, at all – Because lord knows we’ve all been there – but to someone else, the sheer audacity of an able bodied white girl saying “no one in the world is equipped to deal with my problems.” Yes, Amber’s problems are real, severe and unique. But it sounds a whole lot like “i have it worse than anybody and no therapist or person has ever been through the magnitudes of what I’ve been through”. I know how the tunnel vision just…makes you feel like that. Thank goodness Ruth shows her she’s wrong in being alone with it.
I mean, I feel like “I secretly dressed up like a superhero and have a second personality living in my head” is probably the problem she’s thinking of when she says that, more so than “I was abused.” She may not know that’s a thing that’s been clinically looked at.
Developing multiple personalities is not a coping mechanism the human mind adopts lightly. It is a response to severe continuing trauma. Anyone who has that condition has had it worse than almost anybody else, probably starting as a defenceless child and likely much of it mercifully not consciously remembered.
This is a thing people tend to feel though. It never feels ‘bad enough’ to justify therapy but at the same time, it feels like no one could possibly understand your unique situation. *Your* case always feels special and like nothing could compare to it.
She isn’t saying “I have it worse than anybody” she is saying “I am worse than anybody”. It is the voice in her head.
This too.
This.
As someone whose also had an abusive upbringing, this. When you start seeing similarities between you and the person whose abused you, seeing yourself as a monster isn’t hard. That you’re not worth saving,not even worth the attempt.
I feel like the term “revenge porn” needs to be reclaimed for stuff like this.
I feel it should be about the porn parodi version of “The Count of Monte Cristo”, which should totally be a thing!
I mean, the title practically writes itself.
And so none of us have to.
“Ha!”
And that there, this disdain for professional therapy, is another of those things that we can blame Blaine for. Because unlike Sal, who went through several therapists, Amber never got the chance. No doubt Blaine would state in different ways that therapy is for weak people; and Amber hates the idea of feeling weak. And while this is not true for everyone, many abused people end up trying to somehow seek their abuser’s approval; even as they despise them and everything they stand for.
Because abuse —especially when you’re a kid— really, really, really fucks you up.
But….
Not many people have even been close to approaching Amber correctly, and I’m pretty sure that it would take several different therapists before finally finding one who would be right for her. And in the meantime, her opinion that they can’t help would only be further embedded into her.
Now, it’s hard to say what’s the correct way, but Dina was on her way of managing to get past at least some of Amber’s defenses when Joyce just barged in and ruined that whole moment.
And Ruth also seems to be one that may get through; because while it’s manifesting itself in somewhat different ways, Ruth still has a good idea of the general mindset of Amber. A very good idea. She -knows- what self-hatred is like, and she knows what’s caused it in both her own and Amber’s case (“Sir” and Blaine respectively).
Even as she has her own problems to struggle with, she might nevertheless be the person best equipped for this task.
Or they might end up helping dragging each other down.
Let’s be honest though, there’s a lot of public stigma against therapy. Blaine would obviously be against it, but it’s, sadly, not an unpopular opinion.
Dorothy is the only one who’s fully on board with seeing one. Even Ruth, who benefited from group sessions, was reluctant about seeing one herself.
I’d guess Blaine would hedge his bets and tell her that no therapist could deal with the mess she is — just in case his abuse Amber felt she’d hit rock bottom and there was nothing to be lost in the ‘weakness’ of seeing a therapist, resulting in a mandatory reporter with a stable normal meter hearing the shit Blaine’s pulled.
Fatherly (Or father-figurely) beatings all around! We could start a club! Using real clubs!
Sexy glasses murder team-up?
We’re all effed up down here.
Big mood. Been there, myself. But kudos to Ruth for seeing through the bullshit.
Amber love, I know that you’ve got some self-esteem issues, but in that first panel, you could really deal with dialing it down a bit.
Ruth knows that important lesson, if you want to get, you have to give. Letting Amber see her pain and anger was the perfect thing to do.
I’m starting to like Ruth a lot. In the past she annoyed me, but this redemption arc is wonderful.
Who wants to see my doodle that accidentally turned into Becky fan art? Bonus, it’s happier than this.
https://break-me-open.tumblr.com/post/182873550097/my-doodle-accidentally-turned-into-fanart
neat, very cute!
Me, me, me, I want to see Becky fanart!
I love it. Very expressive smile, and I love Dina in the background.
Thanks! Originally I was just drawing a smile, and then as I kept going I was like, “Oops, it’s Becky now.”
So cute! I love it! <3
I love the way you rendered her hair, and I love how expressive she is! Happy Becky!
I’m really bad at recognizing physical media sometimes- may I ask what materials you used?
I used brush pens which have water-based ink, on I think a mini water color canvas, but I’ve had that sitting around for so long now, and I forget the details of my impulse purchases at JoAnn Fabrics sometimes.
Ooooooo. Cool!
And yeah, that’s fair. The various art-types in my life all seem to accumulate big piles of various brushes and pens and paints and canvases and whatnot. It’s fun stuff to accumulate, you can give yourself lots of options down the road.
Very impressive, and NOT the Joyce omnipresent “V” smile, either. Nice handling and ITS NOT DIGITAL, IT’s REAL! Smartly done.
Obviously, Amber has never heard of Kim Noble.
Wow, Amber, and here I thought you had low self-esteem, but no, apparently you’re the most special person to ever have a mental illness.
That happens when nobody’s ever understood it before.
You, uhh, ever actually meet anyone with depression, etc? This is the honest experience.
Bad self esteem, but fiercely protective of the shitty voice in the head. Everyone’s lying, everyone’s wrong, and nobody gets it.
Most of just don’t verbalize it that explicitly.
Yup just another person who’s mental illness is a secret point of pride because it makes them special and different (No it doesn’t).
I’m loving the attacks on mentally ill people here.
Thinking your problem is more than the usual is a common part of the package. It’s not a way of being special. It’s not something they invent to be proud of. It’s not being a jerk. It’s just part of the package – one more reason it’s hard to seek help.
Agreed. Except I am not exactly loving it. Not only is there a lack of sympathy for Amber’s depression and self-loathing, there also seems to be a lack of appreciation that she’s not objectively wrong. She presents a complex set of mental, legal, ethical and moral problems and oddly enough, really top notch professionals with the skills and background necessary to deal with that kind of thing like to be paid. Amber is a burden on her mother when she needs new glasses.
I don’t think anybody here said she’s “being a jerk” or is somehow “proud” of being mentally ill. She does, however, seriously need somebody – like Ruth! – to tell her that the mental health profession deals with a lot of people who are even more effed up than she is, in even more novel ways.
The comment right above the one you’re replying to has someone say Amber’s mental illness is a secret point of pride because it makes her special.
“All humans are effed up, but some humans are more effed up than others.”
Ruth, please don’t beat your grandfather to pulp.
Amber, they are called health care professionals and go to fancy schools and all. They might be just as good or even better for your psychological well being as beating up purse snatchers in the night.
Don’t listen to him, Ruth! I can foresee no possible consequences! 😀
Ruth knows she can’t, no matter how badly she wants to. Howie-related splashback aside, she freezes and submits to Clint’s abuse. (Fight/flight/freeze? Freeze is her default; sometimes she can override that, but not when it comes to her abuser.)
I read it as her opening up to Amber from a “you’ve felt catharsis I never will, even for a moment” angle. Will Amber take this as a relatable moment, or affirmation of her self-definition as a violent monster? We’ll find out this week!
No, Ruth, DO beat your grandfather to a pulp, but first goad him into throwing the fist punch. That way it’ll be self-defence when you put your collection of hockey sticks to use.
I think Amber overestimates where she would be on the difficulty ladder for psychologists. It’s not like she has schizophrenia.
DID (or dissociation strong enough to be mistaken for it by a large section of the commentariot) IS legitimately under explored in psychology. There’s hardly a zillion specialists in it and a lot of psych professionals don’t believe it exists. Therapists who can handle it exist, but it is legitimately one of the less understood mental illnesses out there, especially with plenty of godawful pop culture portrayals.
Yup. She could still get a lot of help with the anger issues and self-hatred and such, but the dissociation is a legit landmine. :/
“Commentariot” is a splendid term. I like it, even if it was a typo.
It was not! I had to fight autocorrect to get that in there. 😛
Well done, that poster!
You’re doing the Lord’s work.
“A lot of psych professionals” isn’t like a measureable number so i can’t really say you’re *wrong* but the validity of DID as a diagnosis isn’t the big debate in psychology that a lot of people seem to think it is. Like given the pop culture understanding of it it does make sense that amber would feel that way (assuming she’s even drawn that line between her experience and multiplicity) but the pop culture understanding doesn’t line up well at all with the actuality even of like…finding a therapist who isn’t complete shit about it? There’s plenty of research about it, very few professionals think it’s an invalid diagnosis, and there are plenty of therapists out there who can handle a patient with DID, even if they aren’t all well equipped to treat DID itself.
Truely, pop culture has not done the helping professions any favors.
My info on that is from a friend with DID but it was a few years ago so it’s possible that’s changed.
And yeah, she can probably find a therapist who can help with anxiety, anger, depression, etc. but at some point she’s going to need help with the DID and that IS probably going to be harder to find.
And once you start digging in, you’re likely to start running into the other things.
Plus, none of it’s going to work well if you can’t start to open up about the DID and about the parts that are going to get the police interested. It’s going to be a really hard path for her.
Eh, I disagree, I think she could make a lot of progress on other issues while not bringing up the DID until she trusts the therapist enough.
Like, this is something to be cautious about, but definitely not a reason to not even try.
I think she’d need a therapist who could handle DID eventually, but I also think it’s possible maybe someone who works well with anxiety, depression, anger, etc. may know someone to refer her to.
In the DID’s case, I think the issue is going to be finding a specialist close by enough that she doesn’t need to drop out or move and that will accept her insurance.
Yeah thejeff and BBCC are right that it’s. REALLY hard to get through, like, anything at all if you can’t even acknowledge the multiplicity. But it is possible to make good progress with therapists who aren’t well versed in it if you CAN acknowledge it, and just…not seeking help at all because you’re likely going to have to fire a few people before you get one who’s genuinely useful is, as it turns out, really unhelpful.
And of course none of these basically rational, if incorrect reasons are why she’s not seeking help.
I don’t think anyone would say Amber shouldn’t look for a therapist, but I do think Amber might have a harder time finding one who can effectively help DID BUT in the meantime, finding someone who can help with the rest of her problems is better than nothing.
It’s an area and shortage thing too. My husband has a TBI and most likely DID to boot but our first 4 therapists in a big liberal city kept trying to reduce it to anything from being a compulsive liar to syphalis… on the first meeting! it took a year and a half to find a doctor willing to order a damn mri to show the repeated damage and abnormal brain pattern underneath and validate that trauma. we are in another big, educated, liberal city where we’ve gotten help before but the wait list is six months out to get to psyche number one. All this time he isn’t even getting the trial medication we had briefly that was helping because American health care system. Just having people who know what to look for and are persistent past the main suspects is in short supply all over the place. And saying you can get help? Watching my husband struggle all over the place because MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONALS were trying to tell him he was dying or lying was excruciating and starting that process definitely did not help at the beginning, isn’t helping us now, but has in brief spurts.
And, IIRC, while more professionals are understanding now, overseas I’ve been told there’s much more of a ‘that’s an American thing’ attitude.
This is very true, and I hate it! The ICD and DSM also both handle it differently, with most online resources being more relevant to the experience you’re likely to have with US doctors.
Ah, great, that sounds incredibly unhelpful, yeah.
Dammit, health system, get your collective shit together.
tldr for the essay i’m trying to avoid writing here is “it’s absolutely understandable that amber feels looking for a therapist would be a futile effort but can we please not act like she’s right”
Had someone I know with DID have to lie about not having it to get out of a mental institution because the staff were critical about it. BUT the friend later went on to have a great therapist who was awesome with DID.
I don’t think Amber is thinking about BBCC’s point though. She seems so wrapped up in self-hatred, she thinks she is beyond any help. Which, sure some therapists wouldn’t be able to deal but a lot would be great.
Even if many mental health professionals are unequipped to deal with DID, surely they could at least help Amber not see herself as irredeemable garbage? That seems like the first hurdle, anyway.
Like DID is only one of Amber’s myriad of psychological issues. Even if she were right that nobody could ever understand it because she’s the world’s most damaged snowflake there’s nothing remarkable about poor self esteem or anger issues or anxiety and any competent therapist could help her with all of them.
That does not surprise me, I know all of one (1) person who has had a positive experience with institutionalization and that was both voluntary and a very expensive private institution. I’ve had several therapists clearly not believe me but it was SO much easier than I expected to find ones who did, and ones who were actually willing to work within the framework of my experience. I avoided acknowledging a whole slew of symptoms for years because I was convinced by the pop culture understanding and outdated info (and the Satanic Panic! which isn’t really outdated info so much as outdated gibberish) that nobody would believe me or be willing to work with me, and then that I had to find a DID specialist to get anything done, and I now realize that the mindset of “looking for a therapist is a futile (or borderline futile) effort” was…really, really harmful to me, and may have done preventable and irreversible damage! So while I recognize that finding good help when you have DID is often A Fucking Undertaking i. Do not care for the constant unchallenged white noise about how we’re Practically Never Taken Seriously By Professionals. I understand it’s often said with the intent of raising awareness so we might be taken more seriously by laymen, but for people who are experiencing these things and considering looking for help it’s REALLY fucking discouraging and actually not at all helpful that public chatter on the topic is mostly singlets talking about how we’re practically untreatable. It makes sense that if Amber is thinking of her multiplicity at all she’d think there’s no point in looking for help, but it makes sense because that’s all we ever hear about ourselves! Not because she’s right to any degree!
Which was all originally supposed to be a reply to your comment, but got wildly off topic! Sorry! @ every singlet who ever gets involved in discussions about DID i guess
I get that it can be harmful, but ‘There are many professionals, especially outside the US, who refuse to take DID seriously’ IS the info I’ve gotten from most of the people I’ve known who have DID. That’s not to say anyone should advise someone with DID ‘You probably won’t be taken seriously, it’s futile’ but from what I’ve heard, advising ‘Being afraid that professionals won’t take you seriously is a valid concern, but there’s professionals who will take you seriously so don’t be afraid to fire as many as you need to until you find one who will.’
Yeah, my problem is that I…rarely see the second half of that sentence outside resources specifically constructed for the purpose of advising people with DID. Public understanding tends to dictate where people start looking for help when they begin to think something is wrong. When other disorders come up in this and other stories discussion tends to build up around what kind of help is out there, what steps people think the characters should take, what it’s like to live with that disorder, how well it’s been represented, what therapy or medications mean in that situation — even other highly stigmatized symptoms like psychosis tend to get, like, discussion in between the ableism? But DID mostly gets some vague suggestions (or demands) of therapy with responses going “but nobody takes it seriously,” and misleading info about its status as a recognized diagnosis. I actually started reading the comment sections here because I found the Cerberus’ commentary and the surrounding dialogue…refreshingly three dimensional, I guess, regarding DID.
Webcomic comment sections don’t need to be mental health resources, and nobody is individually responsible for, like, discussion trends, but it’s very frustrating how it seems like all anyone has to say about DID is that doctors suck.
From what I’ve learned from -multiple- friends with DID, it was not really as difficult to find an adequate therapist than they first feared. In some cases, their own hesitance to bring it up for fear of being given inadequate care is what prevented them from finding out there were very compatible options in the first place. I’ve encountered more cases of people with BPD having difficulty finding an appropriate therapist (even being rejected out-right), than I have heard from people with DID.
Quality of care will always vary from location to location, but please don’t spread this notion that finding a therapist for DID is some insurmountable task. That sentiment actively prevents people from even trying in the first place and does more harm than good.
It’s a good point. Ive barely even mentioned dissociation to my own therapist (although mine is relatively mild anyways)
Er, a good point that we should try not to discourage people from getting help, that is.
do you think “nobody else in the world is even remotely equipped to deal with me” is an accurate assessment of where schizophrenia falls on that difficulty ladder because. not exactly
I think that Amber is convinced that she is a unique monster who is beyond help.
Of course she overestimates. That’s the brain weasels lying to her.
It’s not like her self-assessment of her mental state is completely divorced from all the ways her brain is messed up and she’s just saying this because she’s an egotistic jerk or whatever people are trying to imply.
Amber, seriously, I doubt that you’re anything particularly out-of-the-norm for a decently-qualified therapist. You just want to imagine that you’re untreatable because it’s easier to just let things stay as they are. Just remember how much nearly murdering Ryan came close to driving you to your death and ask if you really want to go untreated.
Ruth, you’re not allowed to beat up your grandfather, no matter how much he deserves it.
If it were just the depression and anger, it might not be, but DID is not a commonly understood thing. Finding a therapist who specializes in dissociative disorders AND works with adults AND takes her insurance AND gets along with you enough to form an effective therapy relationship AND is reasonably competent? Yeah, that can be a tall order.
As an non-american with a friend who has DID and had a therapist they raved about (sadly had to retire because of illness) and has one now they say is decent, I was totally ready to step in with a “but!” but…oh yeah, insurance.
Still think Amber would benefit from therapy, even if it’s not an issue they cover.
She definitely would, but at some point she’s going to need to find SOMEONE who can help with DID, and last night I was thinking about a therapist who could, ideally, help with all her shit. She’d probably need more than one for different things though, so that’s really a moot point.
And yeah, count me as another one who forgot about insurance until I started looking for therapists in Bloomington out of curiosity.
No, she thinks she’s untreatable because she’s mentally ill. She’s not right, but it’s not something she’s decided because it’s easier.
Living well is the only revenge.
As someone who also got a chance to deck an abuser – yeah, it feels pretty great. Granted, in my case, it was an accident but SHE didn’t need to know that.
mine once scared me bad enough that i tried to break his foot and i’ve been living off that high ever since. probably best that i didn’t though there would have been Consequences
Mine ran straight to tell the teacher that I hit her. I was a shy, quiet kid who was generally liked by the teachers so I told her what happened – she was picking on me (as usual) and my fists curled up because I was angry, and I slipped on the ice and hit her stomach. The teacher said ‘Oh, yeah, that makes more sense’ and I didn’t hear anything about it again.
Like I said though, she didn’t need to know it was an accident and I regret nothing.
Ruth is right, Amber really should see a therapist.
Considering that there are professionals who work with actual murders and rapists I think Amber could find someone if she really tried.
DID is not that widely understood and finding a good therapist isn’t easy at the best time.
Sure, but DID is only one of Amber’s issues. (As the alt-text put it once, her issues have issues.) It’s the big one, but a lot of work could be done on the others.
We don’t know what’s going on with her DID-wise at the moment, and I don’t know to what extent A-G needs therapy, but getting-into-fights-in-the-hopes-of-dying Amber could definitely use some. Especially as her expression in the last panel suggests she can be got through to: that’s the face of someone who’s just had her statement in the first panel completely contradicted and feels like an idiot. “Wait, I had all my shields up waiting for your condemnation, and now… well, crap. Maybe I’m not that special.”
I’ll freely admit I boned up looking for a therapist who could, ideally, work with all her issues. It’s true she can look to address other issues first – though I think she’d need a therapist at least capable of understanding and working with people with DID because that can screw with her other issues.
I’m going to point out that if a therapist doesn’t get all of it, they might not be able to help with any of it, because of the entangled mess it presents and the dismissing or minimizing of key pierces of information that can occur. As soon as they want to help with the part that is REAL… yeah, more damage coming to a brain near you.
I mean, someone who can help with all of it is ideal but failing that, someone who can help with some might be better than nothing. Understanding is essential but maybe they won’t be able to help with some parts. Some people need more than one professional for help.
Individual therapists might not be able to juggle all of Amber’s issues, but they are more than qualified to recognize problems outside their expertise and write appropriate referrals (for both insurance and finding the right help purposes).
That’s why I’m thinking while one who got it all would be ideal, one individual who was compassionate and competent would be better than nothing.
Amber? Amber dear?
Your pain is not unique.
Get a therapist. And actually listen to them.
Is that get a therapist you can’t trust and have to keep secrets from including the extent of your problems, or is that get a therapist who may be required to report you for past illegal activities and for being a danger to yourself and others.
I was thinking more “Get a therapist, trust them, be honest with them, and accept the consequences of your actions.”
Because she’s going to have to do that eventually.
I’m hoping a qualified therapist hears them say this and yells from the window “You underestimate my power!”
Amber… drop the edgelord narrative. It’s not helping anyone, least of all you.
If I still cared about her as a character I’d be understanding about the tunnel vision mental illness can cause you to experience but I don’t so I just want her to stop saying words that make me roll my eyes.
Big mood
Those first three seconds have it right, Amber. Much like with Ryan, your only mistake was STOPPING.
No, Amber stopped at the right place (as best as she could) in both cases. Blaine and Ryan were both a clear and present threat but, once they were incapacitated, she had not cause to continue to attack them.
Maybe a therapist could only help you with one of your problems, Amber. Then you’d have one less problem.
I don’t know about “equipped to deal with”, but I love how Ruth immediately proves to Amber that somebody can definitely relate with her. Amber’s surprised expressions breaking up the angry glares just works really well in my opinion. Hopefully this moment helps Amber a little in the long run.
Given who her father is, I’d say three seconds isn’t long enough.
What worries me in all this is that it was a long time since we saw Amazi-girl, and since then A LOT has changed in Amber’s life. I don’t know how that will affect Amazi-girl and her nocturnal beating up of people outside Ruth’s window, but I worry about finding out.
It’s not that long, though it seems it. We saw her yesterday morning. Admittedly, a lot has happened in Amber’s life, but we’ve only missed one night of Amazi-Girling. During which Amber thinks she got some sleep.
Last seen at the start of Flyin to the Red – fighting bros with Sal.
She was missing for much longer after the Ryan stabbing – though we occasionally had signs that she’d been active. That was about a week, I think.
I doubt Amber is thinking of mental illness when she rejects therapy.
She thinks she is a bad person, a violent monster, a rapid dog. In her mind, her probelm isn’t that her brain is malfunctioning; it’s that her *self* is irredeemmable.
Go Ruth!
Like Butters from South Park explained to his bullying grandma, getting revenge feels great at first, but then you feel empty and regret a lot (I still don’t like the right wing libertarian ideas of south park).
Rage doesn’t dissapear, but you can focus it. Sadly, Amber’s problem isn’t rage, but hatred about herself.
Dumbing of Age Book 9: Is It Good? Is It Worth It?
Dumbing of Age Book 9: How does it feel to stand over your own crumpled father and have his blood on your hands?
(that might get caught by customs)
Oof, this is too much. More Lucy please!
*Remembers Billie is there full drunken train wreck mode. *
Uhhh, more Carla please?
I don’t think Amber has genuinely looked into therapists and which ones deal well with her myriad of issues so much as she constantly feels like an irrevocable disaster and is sure nothing can make her better, @ all the comments saying “people are trained for this, Amber”. It’s much easier to acknowledge others can help from outside of a situation.
“Like anyone else in the world is even remotely equipped to deal with me”
*eyeroll* Spoken like a true teenager…
I don’t think that’s fair. I think Amber just genuinely feels that she is that “messed up”, and doesn’t realize that there are other people with similar issues.
Some of you guys have some really gross views about mental illness.
Seriously.
Finally, the bongoes with shitty dads unite. I am SO here for this.
THE WHAT
B word got overused to the point it got creepy, so now we it gets filtered.
This is so perfect. Maybe not for the two of them, but I love it.
And maybe after bonding over beatings Amber will be a little more accepting of getting help.
Maybe that’s the end point of Dumbing of Age. Willis retires when everybody is healthy.
Except for Mary. She’s the worst.
Ruth, you’re not helping.