This is a common thread with addiction recovery strategies, and for all intents and purposes, it seems to be a very beneficial way of thinking about addiction. It doesn’t allow for the kind of fuzzy subconscious logic that makes it so much easier to badly relapse.
Personally, as a recovered addict and as someone with addicts in the family, I hate that line of thinking. I see it in very much the opposite way – if you’re just going to be an addict for life, then what is the point of stopping at all? Recovery without relapse is incredibly unusual. A much more realistic expectation and hope is that one will relapse less and less as one recovers. One has to learn to relapse well, to not let a relapse become full-blown addiction again. Will an addict always bear the psychological scars of their addiction? Yes, absolutely. But should they always define themselves by their addiction? No, that’s doing the exact opposite of what recovery should do – it’s replacing the identity of the addict with their addiction. The most challenging thing about addiction is getting to the underlying causes – biological, chemical, psychological, and healing those factors. Defining a person with addiction is pretty similar to defining someone with the flu. Your body and mind do change forever after having had the flu. You have new antigens, different immune cells, and the experience of going through it. But would you call somebody who has had the flu a recovering flu victim for the rest of her life? Of course you wouldn’t. Nor should you call someone who has had an addiction to alcohol an alcoholic for the rest of their life. Give people hope and let them be people again instead of defining them by their addiction.
The flu isn’t a chronic, often long term issue though. Many people with non-addiction but still chronic or long term issues DO consider that part of their identity because it’s not just an experience they’ve had, but affected every aspect of their life long term. Plus many addicts use that line because they are always going to have to try not to relapse or manage their relapses and resist falling back into the addiction cycle. It’s fine to not do that for yourself, sure, and I can see the wisdom in not applying it to people you don’t know feel that way, but it is a real thing I’ve seen many addicts express.
Whether you’re making a sincere statement about what’s happening in the comic or a sarcastic complaint about the direction it’s going, panel 2 invalidates your point.
If you’re making a more general sardonic remark about the way stories tend to portray recovery as a binary, then I have nothing to add, because you’re right.
It doesn’t work that way, unfortunately. I’ve spent way to many years as a functional alcoholic, through periods where I didn’t touch a drop knowing that I was one night away from going right back to a 26er a night. I’ve got it controlled now, drink sparingly … by I’m still, and always will be, an alcoholic.
Just wanted to chime in to add support for this. Non-addicts often don’t realize that addiction is never truly “cured”. The potential for it is ALWAYS there, and it’s not uncommon for addicts to stop one addiction (whether it be drugs, gambling, sex, gaming etc.) only to fall headfirst into a different addiction. Being an addict means always having to keep an eye on yourself and avoiding things that could trigger a relapse.
If it helps them live a meaningful and full life, more power to them. I just question if it is all that true, and if it is really that useful to pretend like alcoholism is so different from using movies or showers or exercise to numb out. The addictive cycle is a real thing, but it’s also simple reward pathway functioning in the brain. It’s more like a slippery slope than an on/off. I think it’s more realistic to see everyone as on an addictive spectrum (in fact – multiple addictive spectrums for many substances) than either an simply an addict or not. Semantics perhaps, but semantics change the way we think about people, and therefore the way we treat them, which can change the courses of their lives.
Not completely. While the point needed to be delivered, that’s a lot of blame being shoved onto Billie. Most of it deserved, mind, but when paired with Billie’s lack of self-esteem… hoo-boy.
Ruth is much more at risk here than Billie. Billie knows that, which is why she doesn’t respond in panel 6. There’s nothing for her to say. She already told Ruth she would quit, but she never did.
Billie also has a lot of tragedy-adjacent guilt considering she still has images of Ruth, passed out drunk in her dorm room.
And knowing that she’s being responsible for Ruth not getting better…
The problem is that Billie seems to accept that part of their relationship means that she can avoid getting better. That they can both be toxic together. But she also wants Ruth to get better, and in order for Ruth to get better, Billie has to get better.
As for the previous conversation about the binary status of “cured”,
There is a reason that the term is “Recovering Alcoholic” and not
“Former Alcoholic.”
And actually, I see where this is going. One of the common things you
hear from AA and other programs designed to help someone quit is that
you have to get away from the things that triggered you to drink and the
enablers. How long before Ruth figures out that Billie is her Enabler, and
decides she has to choose between getting better and having Billie?
It was not *caused* by Ruth in part or full, Billie’s lack of self-esteem already existed before they even met as her alcoholism problem existed long before this and led to her totaling a car before. Even when acting harmfully, Ruth more just baffled and angered her and didn’t seem to really impact her self-esteem. She didn’t HELP her self-esteem by humiliating her in front of people in the first meeting of the dorm but that didn’t seem to have a real lasting effect since Joyce was soon fawning over her.
I don’t see much blame here. I see mainly Ruth: “I need this behavior to stop.” Billie:”No you don’t, because it’s not so bad!” Really rude, undercutting behavior, especially to someone in a vulnerable situation.
I think there might even be some “Watching you fight to get better makes me feel bad about not getting better, so I will feel better if I pull you back down to my level.”
I think you’re spot on. I see Billie as not wanting to change (or put the effort in to change, perhaps) and that it is simply easier for things to go back to status quo with them drinking, etc.
Now, instead of Ruth relapsing into another alcoholic-depressive spiral, Billie’s going to have another reason to label herself as a toxic drama hurricane who ruins everything around her!
. . . Good on Ruth for laying down that law. About her fears of backsliding and how she is trying to be better. She has made amazing progress opening up to Billie and herself.
This.
Ruth is facing the difficulties in her life and trying to muscle through.
Billie is still in denial and hasn’t taken responsibility for herself. “Let the alcohol do the heavy lifting” says it all.
And she said it to Ruth! WTF does she not understand about Ruth’s situation? If she doesn’t get her shit together, Ruth is going to have to break up to save herself.
I get the impression that Billie often thinks that being flippant about something = making it actually be inconsequential. So if she’s all nonchalant about booze, booze can’t hurt her.
And people who think like that try to find other people who think like that to hang out with, because it’s easier to whistle past the graveyard that way.
Billie does have a lot of shit to deal with. She was flippant about Linda’s cookies until Carla forced her to think about why she’s favored over Sal, and then she didn’t want them anymore. She’s a bust at journalism, even though it’s her major. She can’t quit alcohol, she doesn’t want to be the responsible one in her relationship, she doesn’t want Ruth to have responsibility either (see: copying her keys), and her new popularity is largely a facade built on degrading lies about her relationship with Ruth. Plus, her family was never there for her on top of it all. It was too much to confront, so she’s learned to ignore it instead and trust that everything will work out. (I tried this once and it failed spectacularly.)
Ruth is trying to break the spiral of depression, so she’s forcing herself to care. This results in fights she’d rather not have, but it’s good to see her standing up for herself.
In Ruth’s ideal of their relationship, they’re sober and support each other. In Billie’s ideal, they get roaring drunk and don’t hurt anybody. But Ruth is becoming less of a depressed mess, and is quickly becoming less “toxic”, to use Billie’s word. Soon enough, she’ll be at a point where Billie CAN ruin her. They need to end their “mutually assured destruction” suicide pact relationship in favor of a normal one as soon as possible.
As much as I feel for Billie – alcohol was one of the things they had in common, and now that’s being taken away – Ruth is completely in the right here.
Seriously though, even if alcohol didn’t blunt the effects of the medication, you shouldn’t fuck around with combining the two. I was on seizure meds for 16 years and one of the things they started telling me as I became a teenager was ‘no drinking! Your meds and alcohol don’t get along and they will fuck you up if you make them hang out together.’
I may be paraphrasing a little. My neurologists have been really great (though I fucking LOATHED one of their residents who tried to wean me off my meds waaaay too quickly way too soon – my doctor told me she’d done the same thing to one of his other patients and he died from a massive seizure), but not very much of the ‘talking to teens’ variety. XD
My doctor said she was following the newest advice in the textbooks (like weaning off meds if you’ve been seizure free for a couple years) but went way too fast for someone who’d been on them over a decade.
glad this is happening. the hope is billie will make the good decision going forward, but i really can’t tell whether she’ll nudge alcohol out of her life entirely for the sake of her and ruth or whether she’ll continue to drink.
she isn’t, but ruth may as well have. one of ruth and billie’s common grounds is drinking, and if ruth wants to stop being tempted to drink, billie might see that as someone telling her to stop drinking.
Billie’s in denial, but she also really likes fixing things.
A likely annoying-but-positive Billie reaction: to become overbearing about removing all alcohol from Ruth’s presence. Possibly by drinking it.
PS my housemates are having really loud sexy times right now and it’s very appropriate for a Billie/Ruth comic.
I could blow my nose or something to show them that the walls are thin. But I don’t need to make them self-conscious — I live on a city, it’s on me to get headphones, I just think it’s funny.
Having lived in places where the walls are very thin, there really isn’t a volume level for sex that makes it comfortable to be the neighbor. It isn’t a great situation for anyone, but I think Leorale is right–music is the best way to make middle ground.
Probably not. If someone yelling at them was enough to get an alcoholic to stop drinking, it wouldn’t be such a problem. I just really hope she stops bothering Ruth with that.
Do we know what medication Ruth is on? I know it doesn’t really matter because the experiences of them can be so different for different people and also this is a work of fiction, but as someone also medicated for depression, I’m curious.
Well, Serotonin re-uptake inhibitors typically work on that time frame, and are frequently used as anti-depressants. But I think Mr. Willis is wise not to specify.
I was just about to ask the same thing. I don’t drink often at all (and when I do, it’s maybe several sips bc I don’t even like the taste and I’m a lightweight), but for a sec I was worried I’d been screwing myself over 😅
Alcohol is a Central Nervous System depressant, so it interacts with psychoactive drugs of almost any kind. I’m not aware of any instances in which this interaction is beneficial*. However it sounds like you have kept your exposure to alcohol very low.
*taken with sleeping pills it tends to amplify the effect, which some people consider a benefit. But this is extremely dangerous as it can suppress breathing while the person is unconscious.
Yep. One of the many hints we have that the human brain puts a lot of effort into hiding it’s own abilities from itself. If we knew why, we would be ahead of the game.
It’s not so much hiding, as that we don’t pay attention to what is going on in our own body. One of the skills a Shaman needs is the ability to tell what plants have medicinal effects by observing how he or she feels after consuming them. Typically they would fast for two or three days beforehand to avoid confounding effects from other foods.
Some people have more libido on SSRI’s that work for them — not directly, but like because they’re less depressed, they have some energy, or are less suicidal. You never know!
True– when I got a med combo that worked, at least for a time, I was confusedly Googling if antidepressants could have increased libido as a side effect. Really, I guess that was just a move toward baseline.
I guess it’s fictional, but I had been guessing bupropion HCL (aka Wellbutrin) since that’s the first antidepressant with bad alcohol interactions that comes to mind (for reasons that may or may not relate to me checking the bottle on my nightstand just now to see how “bupropion” is spelled).
What? It’s completely unhealthy and I don’t trust Billie to pass up drinking or bringing it up on the sly so it’s better for them both to split before one or both of them do something permanently damaging.
Props to Ruth taking a stand for her growth though.
In my experience, these kinda relationships don’t get better. Two people with the same weakness don’t have anywhere to draw strength from and just enable the worst of each other.
Better to end it, grow separately and move forward.
Why? Like I can understand why you’d want it to succeed by I see zero reason it needs to. Ruth and Billie are just as capable of recovering outside of this relationship and if Billie keeps on as she has it may very well be the only way Ruth can.
Totally. Billie currently has no interest in self improvement and she is very dangerous for Ruth rn. They need to go their separate ways and work on themselves. Maybe, *maybe* after a few years of treatment and sobriety, when they (especially Billie) are healthier and more stable and not at risk of dragging each other (read: Billie dragging Ruth) down, maybe they can try again. But right now this relationship is unhealthy and needs to end.
See I think she doesn’t because she doesn’t view it as a problem. She thinks she’s got this alcohol thing under control, and she’s a “social drinker” or a functional alcoholic or whatever other name you can use to justify that behavior.
I think she thinks she’s not suicidal so she doesn’t need to stop like Ruth does.
It works for some people but not for others. There is more than one path to sobriety, and as long as your way works for you, I don’t think anyone else is allowed to quibble.
And I fully support those who found that AA helps them. I’m all for that! But it’s overemphasized in our culture as THE way in a way that overshadows other options… including options that have peer reviewed studies backing them up.
I don’t think Ruth necessarily hates religion but it might not appeal to her anyways. I don’t hate religion but I don’t find it personally compelling at all and it probably wouldn’t work for me.
You might wanna include Becky and possibly Dina on the list of people who hate Western Religion. I’m not sure about Dina and Bhudism or Shinto, as neither one is known for being science-denying.
The Dali Lama is famous for being a science enthusiast. It actually irritated Mao during the short period he was trying to be civil. He wanted the Dali Lama to be more of a caricature.
I hope you aren’t including Jews in Western religious groups that don’t like science. I’m not sure if we even count as Western, but, we’re typically major fans of science & education!
At least Billie has the grace to look chastened in the last two panels. Whether she will actually change her behaviour remains to be seen. I hope so – for both their sakes – but I’m not holding my breath.
And speaking as someone who fights the same battle Ruth is fighting, this is when you find out who your true friends are. They’re the people who will accept the fact that you choose not to drink – fpr whatever reason – and don’t make a big deal about it.
Time to step up and be that kind of friend, Billie.
Tomorrow, we get to see this argument resolved…. no, actually, we cut back to Walky eating McNuggets in Gender Studies as he watches Leslie chew Joe out.
Well that’s the second time in one day Billie failed to take Ruth’s feelings into consideration. They had a good start when the began but man she’s blowing this.
Don’t know why you felt that way, and it’s none of my business. But I’m glad you’re still with us.
You may ask why, since we’ve never met, and probably won’t.
“No man is an island, secure unto itself . . . Never ask for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for thee”
I don’t believe in life after death. When we’re gone, we’re gone. All that we have learned, all the difference we could have made to others’ lives, is gone too. Every person’s death is a loss to us all.
I am glad Ruth’s making a stand, I am glad Billie looks to not be shrugging it off, and I hopeful that Billie can start to see what seems to me to be one of her big problems:
I don’t think Billie knows who she is. I get it, she is 18 or so, but even still, she’s clung to being “Head Cheerleader, problem solver!” and then even seemed to lean into “problematic drunk, but not alone”, and I feel like she was so close to a breakthrough on that front when she was confronted by Alice, and that she didn’t want the old Billie back. But in Forest Wing, that’s been old Billie.
The thing is that Billie has never really had to make hard decisions before. Like Walky, she’s dodged, prevaricated and generally hoped that someone else make the hard decisions for her and insulate her from personal hardship in the process. This may be the first time she’s confronted the very real likelihood that any kind of avoidance or denial will lose her something she doesn’t want to lose.
It could be devastating for her in the short-term. She nearly dived off of the deep end when Alice told her that she was toxic.
Billie opted to have their date moved from the nice restaurant to the bar across the street. Is that what Ruth is referring to when she said, “I don’t want a beer?” Or am I reading too much into it? (I was never totally clear on why she looks upset during a date that seems to be going well.)
I don’t know what the beer refers to specifically, but, Ruth only looks upset because she’s yelling at the sports on tv. Yelling at the tv is fun, she loves it.
I get the danger of self-medicating, but holy shit is it hard to disagree with that because THC and CBD have been borderline wonder drugs for me when I’ve been feeling really depressed.
That last panel is pretty much the response I’d been expecting. Ruth has been trying to be a grown up all her life, Billie only just started. She’s realising how incredibly far she is from her goal and it is humbling.
As are loved ones shouting at you with justification. Eat that shame, Billie. Eat it.
The problem here is Billie likes to drink and thinks she loves Ruth, and there is conflict between those two facts and what evolves from them. To be with Ruth she has to give up alcohol, to continue drinking she has to give up Ruth.
I wonder if this is the very first time that anyone whose opinion mattered to Billie have told her that her actions have consequences?
Billie’s expressing in panel 6 is instructive because it’s like a young child’s reaction to being scolded when she’s realised that she was in the wrong. Billie clearly has a lot of growing up to do in many areas. This could be a turning point for her in that area or it could lead her to fight a little bit harder against ever acting responsibly.
I’m not sure Alice fits the category of ‘someone whose opinion mattered’. I suspect that she was something like the Forrest Hall girls – Pals to hang out with but no more than minions really.
That doesn’t mean being told she was toxic was anything less than a shock but that says more about Billie’s view of herself than her view of Alice.
It definitely isn’t as Alice told her to her face that her self-destructive tendencies were harmful to others but Alice was also speaking from a place of pain and didn’t put it in the kindest way. And it sounded like from the way she said ‘finally, an epiphany’ when Billie said she didn’t want her old self back, that she likely tried and failed to get through to Billie before and it didn’t work.
So, if I get what Billie hears of what Ruth is saying right it’s something in the ballpark of “You’re… so self-destructive. You’re… You’re poison. A drama Hurricane who ruins everything she touches. I need to get out before it’s too late.”
Most comment threads on the Internet are terrible, but every once in a while I find one that is truly inspiring, and I’m happy to say that this is definitely one of those.
I agree (please ignore the fact that several of the comments in today’s thread are from me – I’m not being self-serving, honest!). I noticed a long time ago that this particular comment section has a lot of contributors who understand why it is often difficult to make good decisions, and are non-judgemental about other contributors. About the characters in the strip, they can be very judgemental! But I’m OK with that. Many have shared their own issues with mental health, which has been eye-opening for me. I have learned a great deal here.
“What’s the big deal about drinking?” asked the alcoholic whose habit totaled a car, ruined at least one relationship, and kept her off the IU cheerleading squad.
Mumsy and Father can’t spend you out of this one, Billie.
Unfortunately, some parents think that ‘buy prince/princess whatever they say they want, including immunity from consequences’ is an alternative for parenting and presence.
Except I don’t think that’s happened for Billie, either. In some form or another, Billie is still paying the consequences of her actions as a high schooler. It’s not as if they bribed the police/whoever to remove the alcohol-fueled crash from her permanent record, and I’ve honestly never seen or heard of examples of her parents buying her out of anything (maybe her ability to graduate despite what happened?). Only the occasional mention of it from Walky or Billie.
She “got blitzed and wrecked a car“, and it seems being kept off the IU cheerleader squad is the only lasting consequence to come out of that. (Well, that and it was the tipping point for Alice to sever their relationship, but Billie didn’t seem to care very much until they bumped into each other again.)
Is thinking her wealthy, connected parents have insulated her from the consequences of her actions really that big of a stretch?
Addendum: Even if what she does doesn’t concern them, her parents might still step in to save face. It’s not a good look for the family if everyone knows she totaled mummy’s Mercedes GLS, after all. Minimizing her fallout has the side effect of teaching her that problems can be swept under the rug, especially if you throw clout and/or money around.
Her continued drinking to excess is “not a big deal” because it hasn’t seriously burned her yet.
Seems to me, though her parents throw lots of money at her, exerting their influence to help her get out of stuff seems not like something they have ever done.
Would’ve been quite easy to pressure the school to keep her a cheerleader, but they didn’t.
For example, Ruth’s grandfather was able to keep her in her job as an RA, which she was doing very badly, after she had an improper sexual relationship with a student under her care and authority, supplied liquor to a minor, and got as drunk as a stomach pump in a dry dorm. We don’t see Billie’s parents exert influence like that at all.
I think that Billie’s parents did their damage during her high school years and beforehand. The whole point of this thread is the hypothesis that Billie is, for the first time in her conscious memory, in a scenario where it is not possible to buy off the consequences of her actions and she is struggling to adapt to this.
I’m not sure that’s true. There were consequences of her DUI, even if it was just losing the potential cheerleader gig – and her semi-girlfriend and her popularity.
We don’t know that her parents got her out of it. We don’t even know they came home and paid any attention to her during that whole mess.
All we really know about them is that they neglect her emotionally and substitute money and stuff for love and attention.
That’s really all this is, a hypothesis. It hasn’t been definitively stated in the comic. It’s also the kind of thing I think Billie wouldn’t talk about.
However, I think it’s a likely scenario given what we do know.
This, THIS is my problem with drugs. “Bro, I a responsible user, I can control myself”; “pfft, I do coke every other day and I’m a successful entrepreneur with a loving family and two dogs”; “shut it Stalin, this is a free country, not a nanny state. I’ll do with my body what I want and deal with the consequences if or when they come.”
Yeah, that’s all right, I’m glad that it works out so well for you. Sadly, it doesn’t work that well for huge amounts of other people. People whose lives (and often, the lives of their loved ones) are utterly destroyed. People who become enslaved and cannot break the cycle try as they may. Young people who get hooked well before they get even the understanding of what they’re getting themselves into. Your “responsible enjoyment”, your capability for success in spite of, or your entitlement and apathy towards consequences all pale in comparison to the suffering that your permissiveness and example bring to other people.
This is my problem with people who lump a whole bunch of substances with very different uses and abuse patterns (if any) together as “drugs” and treat them all the same way.
booze isn’t cocaine isn’t heroin isn’t pot isn’t opiates. Some of them risk addiction to touch at all. Some of them are used incredibly widely with only a tiny minority facing any kind of addiction – and people can get addicted to non-drugs as well. Many others are self-medicating for problems they can’t get any other treatment for, which is a symptom of how screwed up our society is in general.
Amen. And there are people who can use a substance throughout their lives and never be addicted to it and there are people who after one time trying it will be addicted to it. You can’t really point out one substance and say it’s the issue. The issue is the addiction cycle that becomes created and it can occur from any number of substances or behaviors.
I feel like Ruth every time somebody recommends I put my trust in God.
It’s an attack on my health, whether they know it or not.
Fortunately people who know me know that; it’s only well-meaning acquaintances who make that mistake, so never have to chew out a friend.
Yeah, I don’t really see a happy ending to all this. Ruth has hit her low. Billie totaled a car and lost her girlfriend, and we still don’t see any end in sight.
Full points to Ruth for being an effective RA for Sal and Amber during this drama hurricane. With so much going on, she could easily have had them face discipline or even be expelled, but she covered for them and has them on a good path. They could have been collateral damage to all this.
I want to cheer and purchase Ruth the non-alcoholic mocktail of her choice. I recommend the Canadian Pride, a blend of Canada Dry ginger ale, grapefruit juice, and maple syrup.
I can’t have grapefruit or pomelo but I bet this would work with calamansi, it’s not the same but it’s similarly bitter (though with a little more sweet).
I mean being Canadian but not having clamato in it is enough to please me.
Aren’t meds fun? 😛
I had an eye exam recently, and my eyesight has actually *improved* because I’m off the last of the migraine meds.
At one point I was on a medication that interacted with Vitamin C, which it turns out is in a *lot* of things.
I still haven’t decided whether it’s worth losing my just-starting-to-reappear libido and damaging my teeth to try another anxiety medication.
Yeeep. My seizure meds supposedly make your memory worse and my friend joked I was going to turn into a supercomputer. If anything, my memory is worse. Ah well. It’s not bad, just definitely not supercomputer.
Just commenting one more time to drive home the point that the cure to addiction isn’t only abstinence forever. Food addiction can’t be cured with abstinence. Addiction broadly does not have to be and arguably isn’t cured by abstinence. Abstinence does prevent an addict from engaging in whatever addictive behavior and substance they have a problem with, but it doesn’t address the reason they want it in the first place.
One of the pretty core tenets of abstinence as a substance addiction treatment is that you aren’t curing the addiction you are managing it. Like, I’ve never seen anybody credible tout abstinence as a cure for addiction so much as it’s an effective means of keeping that addiction from ruining your life or killing you.
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“I was just thinking I could use a drink–”
“WHAT DID I JUST SAY”
“–OF WATER”
*glare*
“a tall drink of water… in bed”
Gimme Some Water
I took a femur from a man on the Mexican border…
I grew up in the desert and water was the first go-to for any ailment. Even when it wasn’t the issue it tended to make any issues worse.
Made for an interesting time in college when I’d forget to hydrate and heavily sigh “I need a drink.”
And now they’re not alcoholics 🙂
I’m no expert but I don’t think that’s how it works
Given my family history, I’m pretty close to being an expert, and I know that’s not how it works 😛
My mom says that once your an alcoholic, you are always an alcoholic. Even if you get sober, you are an alcoholic recovering for life.
This is a common thread with addiction recovery strategies, and for all intents and purposes, it seems to be a very beneficial way of thinking about addiction. It doesn’t allow for the kind of fuzzy subconscious logic that makes it so much easier to badly relapse.
Personally, as a recovered addict and as someone with addicts in the family, I hate that line of thinking. I see it in very much the opposite way – if you’re just going to be an addict for life, then what is the point of stopping at all? Recovery without relapse is incredibly unusual. A much more realistic expectation and hope is that one will relapse less and less as one recovers. One has to learn to relapse well, to not let a relapse become full-blown addiction again. Will an addict always bear the psychological scars of their addiction? Yes, absolutely. But should they always define themselves by their addiction? No, that’s doing the exact opposite of what recovery should do – it’s replacing the identity of the addict with their addiction. The most challenging thing about addiction is getting to the underlying causes – biological, chemical, psychological, and healing those factors. Defining a person with addiction is pretty similar to defining someone with the flu. Your body and mind do change forever after having had the flu. You have new antigens, different immune cells, and the experience of going through it. But would you call somebody who has had the flu a recovering flu victim for the rest of her life? Of course you wouldn’t. Nor should you call someone who has had an addiction to alcohol an alcoholic for the rest of their life. Give people hope and let them be people again instead of defining them by their addiction.
The flu isn’t a chronic, often long term issue though. Many people with non-addiction but still chronic or long term issues DO consider that part of their identity because it’s not just an experience they’ve had, but affected every aspect of their life long term. Plus many addicts use that line because they are always going to have to try not to relapse or manage their relapses and resist falling back into the addiction cycle. It’s fine to not do that for yourself, sure, and I can see the wisdom in not applying it to people you don’t know feel that way, but it is a real thing I’ve seen many addicts express.
Whether you’re making a sincere statement about what’s happening in the comic or a sarcastic complaint about the direction it’s going, panel 2 invalidates your point.
If you’re making a more general sardonic remark about the way stories tend to portray recovery as a binary, then I have nothing to add, because you’re right.
I’m pretty sure they’re making a joke.
Hence two of the three options I outlined are jokes.
It doesn’t work that way, unfortunately. I’ve spent way to many years as a functional alcoholic, through periods where I didn’t touch a drop knowing that I was one night away from going right back to a 26er a night. I’ve got it controlled now, drink sparingly … by I’m still, and always will be, an alcoholic.
Just wanted to chime in to add support for this. Non-addicts often don’t realize that addiction is never truly “cured”. The potential for it is ALWAYS there, and it’s not uncommon for addicts to stop one addiction (whether it be drugs, gambling, sex, gaming etc.) only to fall headfirst into a different addiction. Being an addict means always having to keep an eye on yourself and avoiding things that could trigger a relapse.
Yes, the cure for alcoholism is “never again, not even once.” It also means removing the temptation as much as possible.
If it helps them live a meaningful and full life, more power to them. I just question if it is all that true, and if it is really that useful to pretend like alcoholism is so different from using movies or showers or exercise to numb out. The addictive cycle is a real thing, but it’s also simple reward pathway functioning in the brain. It’s more like a slippery slope than an on/off. I think it’s more realistic to see everyone as on an addictive spectrum (in fact – multiple addictive spectrums for many substances) than either an simply an addict or not. Semantics perhaps, but semantics change the way we think about people, and therefore the way we treat them, which can change the courses of their lives.
A 26er?
26-fluid-ounce (750mL) bottle, I imagine. A fifth of a US gallon
Thus the term, “a fifth of [liquor]”.
Unavowed treats this amazingly well, the alcoholic character has been sober for years, “and with luck, one day more.”
…This is sorta going better than I feared.
Not completely. While the point needed to be delivered, that’s a lot of blame being shoved onto Billie. Most of it deserved, mind, but when paired with Billie’s lack of self-esteem… hoo-boy.
Sometimes you have to say something that can negatively impact someone’s mental state to protect your own. You can’t always avoid hurting people.
Ruth is much more at risk here than Billie. Billie knows that, which is why she doesn’t respond in panel 6. There’s nothing for her to say. She already told Ruth she would quit, but she never did.
Billie also has a lot of tragedy-adjacent guilt considering she still has images of Ruth, passed out drunk in her dorm room.
And knowing that she’s being responsible for Ruth not getting better…
The problem is that Billie seems to accept that part of their relationship means that she can avoid getting better. That they can both be toxic together. But she also wants Ruth to get better, and in order for Ruth to get better, Billie has to get better.
I feel like that is a theme of the comic of late. The dangers of merely accepting your issues instead of working on them.
Walky & Amber “We can be garbage up here”, eventually the problems you put off will come back to bite you.
“Billie also has a lot of tragedy-adjacent guilt considering she still has images of Ruth, passed out drunk in her dorm room.”
Uh, so, are we just glossing over the fact that Billie got shitfaced and literally nearly murdered a person with a car?
As for the previous conversation about the binary status of “cured”,
There is a reason that the term is “Recovering Alcoholic” and not
“Former Alcoholic.”
And actually, I see where this is going. One of the common things you
hear from AA and other programs designed to help someone quit is that
you have to get away from the things that triggered you to drink and the
enablers. How long before Ruth figures out that Billie is her Enabler, and
decides she has to choose between getting better and having Billie?
A lack of self-esteem that was caused in part by Ruth! Everyone’s at fault and no one’s happy! yaaayyy
It was not *caused* by Ruth in part or full, Billie’s lack of self-esteem already existed before they even met as her alcoholism problem existed long before this and led to her totaling a car before. Even when acting harmfully, Ruth more just baffled and angered her and didn’t seem to really impact her self-esteem. She didn’t HELP her self-esteem by humiliating her in front of people in the first meeting of the dorm but that didn’t seem to have a real lasting effect since Joyce was soon fawning over her.
I don’t see much blame here. I see mainly Ruth: “I need this behavior to stop.” Billie:”No you don’t, because it’s not so bad!” Really rude, undercutting behavior, especially to someone in a vulnerable situation.
I think there might even be some “Watching you fight to get better makes me feel bad about not getting better, so I will feel better if I pull you back down to my level.”
I think you’re spot on. I see Billie as not wanting to change (or put the effort in to change, perhaps) and that it is simply easier for things to go back to status quo with them drinking, etc.
Now, instead of Ruth relapsing into another alcoholic-depressive spiral, Billie’s going to have another reason to label herself as a toxic drama hurricane who ruins everything around her!
Don’t worry, there’s plenty of time for it to get worse again.
. . . Good on Ruth for laying down that law. About her fears of backsliding and how she is trying to be better. She has made amazing progress opening up to Billie and herself.
This.
Ruth is facing the difficulties in her life and trying to muscle through.
Billie is still in denial and hasn’t taken responsibility for herself. “Let the alcohol do the heavy lifting” says it all.
And she said it to Ruth! WTF does she not understand about Ruth’s situation? If she doesn’t get her shit together, Ruth is going to have to break up to save herself.
I get the impression that Billie often thinks that being flippant about something = making it actually be inconsequential. So if she’s all nonchalant about booze, booze can’t hurt her.
And people who think like that try to find other people who think like that to hang out with, because it’s easier to whistle past the graveyard that way.
Billie does have a lot of shit to deal with. She was flippant about Linda’s cookies until Carla forced her to think about why she’s favored over Sal, and then she didn’t want them anymore. She’s a bust at journalism, even though it’s her major. She can’t quit alcohol, she doesn’t want to be the responsible one in her relationship, she doesn’t want Ruth to have responsibility either (see: copying her keys), and her new popularity is largely a facade built on degrading lies about her relationship with Ruth. Plus, her family was never there for her on top of it all. It was too much to confront, so she’s learned to ignore it instead and trust that everything will work out. (I tried this once and it failed spectacularly.)
Ruth is trying to break the spiral of depression, so she’s forcing herself to care. This results in fights she’d rather not have, but it’s good to see her standing up for herself.
In Ruth’s ideal of their relationship, they’re sober and support each other. In Billie’s ideal, they get roaring drunk and don’t hurt anybody. But Ruth is becoming less of a depressed mess, and is quickly becoming less “toxic”, to use Billie’s word. Soon enough, she’ll be at a point where Billie CAN ruin her. They need to end their “mutually assured destruction” suicide pact relationship in favor of a normal one as soon as possible.
Honestly, that may not happen.
It would be wonderful if it did, but self-reflective change is difficult, and is often very painful.
As much as I feel for Billie – alcohol was one of the things they had in common, and now that’s being taken away – Ruth is completely in the right here.
Thank you, Ruth!
Seriously though, even if alcohol didn’t blunt the effects of the medication, you shouldn’t fuck around with combining the two. I was on seizure meds for 16 years and one of the things they started telling me as I became a teenager was ‘no drinking! Your meds and alcohol don’t get along and they will fuck you up if you make them hang out together.’
Sounds like your health advisor knew how to talk to teens!
I may be paraphrasing a little. My neurologists have been really great (though I fucking LOATHED one of their residents who tried to wean me off my meds waaaay too quickly way too soon – my doctor told me she’d done the same thing to one of his other patients and he died from a massive seizure), but not very much of the ‘talking to teens’ variety. XD
Wow! I really hope that resident learned not to project their own problems onto patients. Though not before encountering you, apparently.
My doctor said she was following the newest advice in the textbooks (like weaning off meds if you’ve been seizure free for a couple years) but went way too fast for someone who’d been on them over a decade.
blunts! i get it! ha ha!…ha!…ha…
Joyce avatar does NOT work for that comment.
I dunno, I can see Joyce having learned that word, like, yesterday and being pleased to recognize it in context
glad this is happening. the hope is billie will make the good decision going forward, but i really can’t tell whether she’ll nudge alcohol out of her life entirely for the sake of her and ruth or whether she’ll continue to drink.
Ruth’s not even asking Billie to stop drinking – she’s asking Billie to stop trying to get Ruth to drink.
she isn’t, but ruth may as well have. one of ruth and billie’s common grounds is drinking, and if ruth wants to stop being tempted to drink, billie might see that as someone telling her to stop drinking.
Not necessarily. Billie can always drink when Ruth’s not around, even if Billie’s invested in not having alcohol in Ruth’s living space.
Billie’s in denial, but she also really likes fixing things.
A likely annoying-but-positive Billie reaction: to become overbearing about removing all alcohol from Ruth’s presence. Possibly by drinking it.
PS my housemates are having really loud sexy times right now and it’s very appropriate for a Billie/Ruth comic.
That sounds like a very Billie solution for sure.
Loud sexy times is a solution for many things.
If you knock on their door really loud and angrily tell them to turn up the volume, you might confuse them enough to make them chill out.
I could blow my nose or something to show them that the walls are thin. But I don’t need to make them self-conscious — I live on a city, it’s on me to get headphones, I just think it’s funny.
Well, they live in close proximity to others so it’s at least partially on them to maybe be less loud about their fucking.
Having lived in places where the walls are very thin, there really isn’t a volume level for sex that makes it comfortable to be the neighbor. It isn’t a great situation for anyone, but I think Leorale is right–music is the best way to make middle ground.
You can be as loud the hell you want… when you’re makin loovvveee.
If I recall my dormroom/crappy apartment days, I think the proper response is clapping and cheering the performance when it reaches the climax.
I’m inclined to believe Ruth will want Billie to stop drinking because she wouldn’t want her to be an unrecovering alcoholic.
Probably not. If someone yelling at them was enough to get an alcoholic to stop drinking, it wouldn’t be such a problem. I just really hope she stops bothering Ruth with that.
*standing ovation to Ruth for making her feelings clear*
Seconded. Some anvils need to be dropped, goes the trope.
Do we know what medication Ruth is on? I know it doesn’t really matter because the experiences of them can be so different for different people and also this is a work of fiction, but as someone also medicated for depression, I’m curious.
I don’t believe we’ve ever been given specifics. All we know is they take about two weeks-ish and apparently they’re blunted by alcohol.
I have no idea how much that does or doesn’t narrow it down.
Well, Serotonin re-uptake inhibitors typically work on that time frame, and are frequently used as anti-depressants. But I think Mr. Willis is wise not to specify.
Well, huh, the Willis hath answered.
Apparently they’re a fictional brand.
Especially since it’s pretty common to have to try a few different meds before you find the one(s) that work with your individual brain.
Or, very often, not.
I was just about to ask the same thing. I don’t drink often at all (and when I do, it’s maybe several sips bc I don’t even like the taste and I’m a lightweight), but for a sec I was worried I’d been screwing myself over 😅
Alcohol is a Central Nervous System depressant, so it interacts with psychoactive drugs of almost any kind. I’m not aware of any instances in which this interaction is beneficial*. However it sounds like you have kept your exposure to alcohol very low.
*taken with sleeping pills it tends to amplify the effect, which some people consider a benefit. But this is extremely dangerous as it can suppress breathing while the person is unconscious.
I dunno whether barbiturates are considered psychoactive, but they have a bad reaction to alcohol too – it can kill you if you mix them.
it is a made-up one and you will learn its name in some hovertext in like two months
I’ll wait with bated breath.
I suggest you bate once in a while, otherwise you will suffocate.
If you depict them as working, people will Google them, and be frustrated when the only result is this comic.
If you depict them as not working . . . DAMN YOU WILLIS!
Why should we expect fake medicine to work? ;p
The placebo effect can be surprisingly powerful.
Yep. One of the many hints we have that the human brain puts a lot of effort into hiding it’s own abilities from itself. If we knew why, we would be ahead of the game.
It’s not so much hiding, as that we don’t pay attention to what is going on in our own body. One of the skills a Shaman needs is the ability to tell what plants have medicinal effects by observing how he or she feels after consuming them. Typically they would fast for two or three days beforehand to avoid confounding effects from other foods.
BTW, I like your handle. A ‘learned borrowing from the Greek’ for ‘deep thought’?
Congratulations Jhon! You are the first person to figure that out (or at least, the first to say so). It is of course a Douglas Adams reference.
Because it’s working on fake people!
Hopefully not an SSRI or (realistically) we should expect fewer slipshines in the future.
Commonly, but not necessarily. But more than that, I don’t feel like we’re on the edge of Slipshine territory anyway.
Some people have more libido on SSRI’s that work for them — not directly, but like because they’re less depressed, they have some energy, or are less suicidal. You never know!
True– when I got a med combo that worked, at least for a time, I was confusedly Googling if antidepressants could have increased libido as a side effect. Really, I guess that was just a move toward baseline.
“I, uh, think I may have some kind of sex problem… I actually feel like having some.”
That’s what Leafs jerseys are for.
I guess it’s fictional, but I had been guessing bupropion HCL (aka Wellbutrin) since that’s the first antidepressant with bad alcohol interactions that comes to mind (for reasons that may or may not relate to me checking the bottle on my nightstand just now to see how “bupropion” is spelled).
Come on let’s see this breakup!
What? It’s completely unhealthy and I don’t trust Billie to pass up drinking or bringing it up on the sly so it’s better for them both to split before one or both of them do something permanently damaging.
Props to Ruth taking a stand for her growth though.
Hard disagree. This relationship needs to succeed, and these two need to become better, despite everything.
In my experience, these kinda relationships don’t get better. Two people with the same weakness don’t have anywhere to draw strength from and just enable the worst of each other.
Better to end it, grow separately and move forward.
I ship Carla and Ruth. Billie and Ruth is interesting but has run it’s course.
Why? Like I can understand why you’d want it to succeed by I see zero reason it needs to. Ruth and Billie are just as capable of recovering outside of this relationship and if Billie keeps on as she has it may very well be the only way Ruth can.
If this relationship fails, then we’ve lost all the work Willis put into it. [/meta]
Totally. Billie currently has no interest in self improvement and she is very dangerous for Ruth rn. They need to go their separate ways and work on themselves. Maybe, *maybe* after a few years of treatment and sobriety, when they (especially Billie) are healthier and more stable and not at risk of dragging each other (read: Billie dragging Ruth) down, maybe they can try again. But right now this relationship is unhealthy and needs to end.
I suspect Billy wants to quit drinking but doesn’t believe she can do it, is even afraid to try. Hence the minimizing, the “What’s the big deal?”
Interesting point!
See I think she doesn’t because she doesn’t view it as a problem. She thinks she’s got this alcohol thing under control, and she’s a “social drinker” or a functional alcoholic or whatever other name you can use to justify that behavior.
I think she thinks she’s not suicidal so she doesn’t need to stop like Ruth does.
So far, so not terrible.
I’m rather skeptical of grandiose claims that AA is for everyone but regardless… these two need some sort of professional help.
It works for some people but not for others. There is more than one path to sobriety, and as long as your way works for you, I don’t think anyone else is allowed to quibble.
And I fully support those who found that AA helps them. I’m all for that! But it’s overemphasized in our culture as THE way in a way that overshadows other options… including options that have peer reviewed studies backing them up.
Some branches of AA can be very heavily religious too. Willis has said that wouldn’t bother Billie too much but it probably wouldn’t work for Ruth.
The only other person who might hate religion more might be Leslie.
I don’t think Ruth necessarily hates religion but it might not appeal to her anyways. I don’t hate religion but I don’t find it personally compelling at all and it probably wouldn’t work for me.
You might wanna include Becky and possibly Dina on the list of people who hate Western Religion. I’m not sure about Dina and Bhudism or Shinto, as neither one is known for being science-denying.
Nah, Becky kept her faith (as far as I can tell, anyways). She’s just not fundamentalist anymore, most like.
I don’t think Dina hates religion so much as find it completely baffling and counterproductive to scientific evidence.
Becky is probably the most religious after Joyce and the healthiest.
Religion, even Western Religion, isn’t necessarily science-defying, despite the best efforts of the Religious Right to make everyone think so.
Plenty of Christian biologists out there.
The Dali Lama is famous for being a science enthusiast. It actually irritated Mao during the short period he was trying to be civil. He wanted the Dali Lama to be more of a caricature.
I hope you aren’t including Jews in Western religious groups that don’t like science. I’m not sure if we even count as Western, but, we’re typically major fans of science & education!
Pretty sure Faith vs. Science is a Christian thing… and clever Christians have invented workarounds if they want.
It’s a theocracy (or wants there to be a theocracy) thing really.
I’ve heard some branches are straight-up toxic cults too, so like, watch out for that.
Well Ruth has supposedly getting therapy off panel. Billie on the other hand…
Billie’s supposed to, but doesn’t go because it’s easier to deny a problem exists than to fix it.
Well, Ruth is able to say “I’m an alcoholic”, but Billie still doesn’t own that she is.
Ruth is getting help, bu Billie blew it off.
At least Billie has the grace to look chastened in the last two panels. Whether she will actually change her behaviour remains to be seen. I hope so – for both their sakes – but I’m not holding my breath.
Starting to like Ruth a bit more now
And speaking as someone who fights the same battle Ruth is fighting, this is when you find out who your true friends are. They’re the people who will accept the fact that you choose not to drink – fpr whatever reason – and don’t make a big deal about it.
Time to step up and be that kind of friend, Billie.
Well it seems finally it sunk on Billie what’s up.
Tomorrow, we get to see this argument resolved…. no, actually, we cut back to Walky eating McNuggets in Gender Studies as he watches Leslie chew Joe out.
I’m okay with EVERY strip ending with a cutaway panel to Walky eating McNuggets.
Well that’s the second time in one day Billie failed to take Ruth’s feelings into consideration. They had a good start when the began but man she’s blowing this.
Yep! No Lucy to bail her out now.
Is this a good time for Billie to remind her of their suicide pact? You know, relationship goals, and all?
my own game over attempts…… and pills as a result of said attempts……. are why i am glad i can’t stand the taste of booze.
Don’t know why you felt that way, and it’s none of my business. But I’m glad you’re still with us.
You may ask why, since we’ve never met, and probably won’t.
“No man is an island, secure unto itself . . . Never ask for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for thee”
I don’t believe in life after death. When we’re gone, we’re gone. All that we have learned, all the difference we could have made to others’ lives, is gone too. Every person’s death is a loss to us all.
Amen.
I positively love Ruth today. Go maturity!
Ruth’s been kicking ass today, for sure. She has some real moments when she’s functional and not either numb or drawing on anger/sadism.
You can see why she used to be Chloe’s favorite RA.
It’s the bisexual haircut.
Mm.
I am glad Ruth’s making a stand, I am glad Billie looks to not be shrugging it off, and I hopeful that Billie can start to see what seems to me to be one of her big problems:
I don’t think Billie knows who she is. I get it, she is 18 or so, but even still, she’s clung to being “Head Cheerleader, problem solver!” and then even seemed to lean into “problematic drunk, but not alone”, and I feel like she was so close to a breakthrough on that front when she was confronted by Alice, and that she didn’t want the old Billie back. But in Forest Wing, that’s been old Billie.
She needs to make some hard decisions.
The thing is that Billie has never really had to make hard decisions before. Like Walky, she’s dodged, prevaricated and generally hoped that someone else make the hard decisions for her and insulate her from personal hardship in the process. This may be the first time she’s confronted the very real likelihood that any kind of avoidance or denial will lose her something she doesn’t want to lose.
It could be devastating for her in the short-term. She nearly dived off of the deep end when Alice told her that she was toxic.
So I know the mimosa thing was more recent but is the beer a reference to this?
http://www.dumbingofage.com/2018/comic/book-8/02-this-is-the-way-that-we-love/dirt/
Billie opted to have their date moved from the nice restaurant to the bar across the street. Is that what Ruth is referring to when she said, “I don’t want a beer?” Or am I reading too much into it? (I was never totally clear on why she looks upset during a date that seems to be going well.)
I don’t know what the beer refers to specifically, but, Ruth only looks upset because she’s yelling at the sports on tv. Yelling at the tv is fun, she loves it.
Oh sorry, I meant that second to last panel where Billie looks upset, not Ruth.
I’m not sure, but she did comment in the nice restaurant about getting wine with her fake id.
This has been a long ongoing thing.
Oh, good point.
The straws suggest they’re drinking soda pop.
Yeah, I was wondering if maybe Billie had tried to get beer and Ruth insisted on something non-alcoholic.
It was probably more of a general comment than a specific reference to something that happened off panel.
Ok, I can’t hold it anymore so
I’m sure smoking blunts would have the same effect, too !
(sorry)
I get the danger of self-medicating, but holy shit is it hard to disagree with that because THC and CBD have been borderline wonder drugs for me when I’ve been feeling really depressed.
That last panel is pretty much the response I’d been expecting. Ruth has been trying to be a grown up all her life, Billie only just started. She’s realising how incredibly far she is from her goal and it is humbling.
As are loved ones shouting at you with justification. Eat that shame, Billie. Eat it.
The problem here is Billie likes to drink and thinks she loves Ruth, and there is conflict between those two facts and what evolves from them. To be with Ruth she has to give up alcohol, to continue drinking she has to give up Ruth.
I think she really DOES love Ruth, but she needs to examine what she wants out of the relationship and what she’s willing to do to stay in it.
I wonder if this is the very first time that anyone whose opinion mattered to Billie have told her that her actions have consequences?
Billie’s expressing in panel 6 is instructive because it’s like a young child’s reaction to being scolded when she’s realised that she was in the wrong. Billie clearly has a lot of growing up to do in many areas. This could be a turning point for her in that area or it could lead her to fight a little bit harder against ever acting responsibly.
Not the first time, no.
http://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-4/04-the-whiteboard-dong-bandit/dramahurricane/
I’m not sure Alice fits the category of ‘someone whose opinion mattered’. I suspect that she was something like the Forrest Hall girls – Pals to hang out with but no more than minions really.
That doesn’t mean being told she was toxic was anything less than a shock but that says more about Billie’s view of herself than her view of Alice.
It definitely isn’t as Alice told her to her face that her self-destructive tendencies were harmful to others but Alice was also speaking from a place of pain and didn’t put it in the kindest way. And it sounded like from the way she said ‘finally, an epiphany’ when Billie said she didn’t want her old self back, that she likely tried and failed to get through to Billie before and it didn’t work.
This talk is SO important for Ruth and Billie. It was going to be brought up sooner or later.
So now I think their relationship will now hinge on Billie’s reaction to being called out.
… What’s the word for feeling proud, relieved, anxious and sad all at once?
Dumbing of Age.
Also, parenthood.
So, if I get what Billie hears of what Ruth is saying right it’s something in the ballpark of “You’re… so self-destructive. You’re… You’re poison. A drama Hurricane who ruins everything she touches. I need to get out before it’s too late.”
Or, in other words, OUCH!
http://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-4/04-the-whiteboard-dong-bandit/dramahurricane/
Good callback, this scene is what I was thinking of too. I just hope Billie doesn’t try to run away again, that won’t fix this problem.
Really, Willis? Tidepods?
Also, yes, Billie hasn’t learned anything. Alcohol killed Ruth in one universe, and I hope history doesn’t repeat.
It almost killed her twice in this Universe.
I see a fork in the road…Does anyone here see a fork in the road?
Yes, and one of the roads leads to a cliff-edge without a barrier for Billie.
Cue the Coldplay music!
Billies face in the last panel makes me think she maybe gets it now, at least I hope so.
…Is your grav Freddie Freaker nailed to a cross?
Yeah… lol
Finally!
Most comment threads on the Internet are terrible, but every once in a while I find one that is truly inspiring, and I’m happy to say that this is definitely one of those.
I agree (please ignore the fact that several of the comments in today’s thread are from me – I’m not being self-serving, honest!). I noticed a long time ago that this particular comment section has a lot of contributors who understand why it is often difficult to make good decisions, and are non-judgemental about other contributors. About the characters in the strip, they can be very judgemental! But I’m OK with that. Many have shared their own issues with mental health, which has been eye-opening for me. I have learned a great deal here.
The elephant in the room suddenly has full visibility.
“What’s the big deal about drinking?” asked the alcoholic whose habit totaled a car, ruined at least one relationship, and kept her off the IU cheerleading squad.
Mumsy and Father can’t spend you out of this one, Billie.
Weird flex considering her parents were never really there for her, but go off I guess.
Unfortunately, some parents think that ‘buy prince/princess whatever they say they want, including immunity from consequences’ is an alternative for parenting and presence.
Except I don’t think that’s happened for Billie, either. In some form or another, Billie is still paying the consequences of her actions as a high schooler. It’s not as if they bribed the police/whoever to remove the alcohol-fueled crash from her permanent record, and I’ve honestly never seen or heard of examples of her parents buying her out of anything (maybe her ability to graduate despite what happened?). Only the occasional mention of it from Walky or Billie.
Her father has political influence, at least on a local level. That’s usually either from money or connections (which themselves come from money), and we know the Billingsworths have money.
She “got blitzed and wrecked a car“, and it seems being kept off the IU cheerleader squad is the only lasting consequence to come out of that. (Well, that and it was the tipping point for Alice to sever their relationship, but Billie didn’t seem to care very much until they bumped into each other again.)
Is thinking her wealthy, connected parents have insulated her from the consequences of her actions really that big of a stretch?
Addendum: Even if what she does doesn’t concern them, her parents might still step in to save face. It’s not a good look for the family if everyone knows she totaled mummy’s Mercedes GLS, after all. Minimizing her fallout has the side effect of teaching her that problems can be swept under the rug, especially if you throw clout and/or money around.
Her continued drinking to excess is “not a big deal” because it hasn’t seriously burned her yet.
Seems to me, though her parents throw lots of money at her, exerting their influence to help her get out of stuff seems not like something they have ever done.
Would’ve been quite easy to pressure the school to keep her a cheerleader, but they didn’t.
For example, Ruth’s grandfather was able to keep her in her job as an RA, which she was doing very badly, after she had an improper sexual relationship with a student under her care and authority, supplied liquor to a minor, and got as drunk as a stomach pump in a dry dorm. We don’t see Billie’s parents exert influence like that at all.
I think that Billie’s parents did their damage during her high school years and beforehand. The whole point of this thread is the hypothesis that Billie is, for the first time in her conscious memory, in a scenario where it is not possible to buy off the consequences of her actions and she is struggling to adapt to this.
I’m not sure that’s true. There were consequences of her DUI, even if it was just losing the potential cheerleader gig – and her semi-girlfriend and her popularity.
We don’t know that her parents got her out of it. We don’t even know they came home and paid any attention to her during that whole mess.
All we really know about them is that they neglect her emotionally and substitute money and stuff for love and attention.
That’s really all this is, a hypothesis. It hasn’t been definitively stated in the comic. It’s also the kind of thing I think Billie wouldn’t talk about.
However, I think it’s a likely scenario given what we do know.
This, THIS is my problem with drugs. “Bro, I a responsible user, I can control myself”; “pfft, I do coke every other day and I’m a successful entrepreneur with a loving family and two dogs”; “shut it Stalin, this is a free country, not a nanny state. I’ll do with my body what I want and deal with the consequences if or when they come.”
Yeah, that’s all right, I’m glad that it works out so well for you. Sadly, it doesn’t work that well for huge amounts of other people. People whose lives (and often, the lives of their loved ones) are utterly destroyed. People who become enslaved and cannot break the cycle try as they may. Young people who get hooked well before they get even the understanding of what they’re getting themselves into. Your “responsible enjoyment”, your capability for success in spite of, or your entitlement and apathy towards consequences all pale in comparison to the suffering that your permissiveness and example bring to other people.
/unpopular opinion.
Not unpopular with me.
This is my problem with people who lump a whole bunch of substances with very different uses and abuse patterns (if any) together as “drugs” and treat them all the same way.
booze isn’t cocaine isn’t heroin isn’t pot isn’t opiates. Some of them risk addiction to touch at all. Some of them are used incredibly widely with only a tiny minority facing any kind of addiction – and people can get addicted to non-drugs as well. Many others are self-medicating for problems they can’t get any other treatment for, which is a symptom of how screwed up our society is in general.
Amen. And there are people who can use a substance throughout their lives and never be addicted to it and there are people who after one time trying it will be addicted to it. You can’t really point out one substance and say it’s the issue. The issue is the addiction cycle that becomes created and it can occur from any number of substances or behaviors.
I’m actually pretty proud of Billie for mostly just taking this on the chin.
Looks a bit like the freeze part of the fight, flight or freeze complex, like a deer in the head lights kind of thing
I wouldn’t be surprised but I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt for the time being.
I feel like Ruth every time somebody recommends I put my trust in God.
It’s an attack on my health, whether they know it or not.
Fortunately people who know me know that; it’s only well-meaning acquaintances who make that mistake, so never have to chew out a friend.
I’m sorry that you have felt that way and it has been a source of discomfort. You should feel safe and secure in your life.
Haha blunts
Yeah, I don’t really see a happy ending to all this. Ruth has hit her low. Billie totaled a car and lost her girlfriend, and we still don’t see any end in sight.
Honestly by the strip title I really thought this was going to be Billie going “well if we can’t drink, how about blunts?”
Good. I’m glad Ruth is standing up for herself, and I’m glad she’s angry. (I like her and Billie together, but she needs to take care of herself.)
Billie making anyone else think about an old Bell Biv DeVoe song?
Full points to Ruth for being an effective RA for Sal and Amber during this drama hurricane. With so much going on, she could easily have had them face discipline or even be expelled, but she covered for them and has them on a good path. They could have been collateral damage to all this.
Billie. Don’t run from this. This is good, this is healthy and this can help BOTH of you.
I want to cheer and purchase Ruth the non-alcoholic mocktail of her choice. I recommend the Canadian Pride, a blend of Canada Dry ginger ale, grapefruit juice, and maple syrup.
I can’t have grapefruit or pomelo but I bet this would work with calamansi, it’s not the same but it’s similarly bitter (though with a little more sweet).
I mean being Canadian but not having clamato in it is enough to please me.
Oh right. I keep forgetting grapefruit sabotaging certain brain meds.
I’ll have to try calamansi sometime. And if anybody else has suggestions for substitutions or alternative mocktails that’d be awesome.
Grapefruit might be a bad idea with her meds.
Aren’t meds fun? 😛
I had an eye exam recently, and my eyesight has actually *improved* because I’m off the last of the migraine meds.
At one point I was on a medication that interacted with Vitamin C, which it turns out is in a *lot* of things.
I still haven’t decided whether it’s worth losing my just-starting-to-reappear libido and damaging my teeth to try another anxiety medication.
Yeeep. My seizure meds supposedly make your memory worse and my friend joked I was going to turn into a supercomputer. If anything, my memory is worse. Ah well. It’s not bad, just definitely not supercomputer.
*turn into a supercomputer when I came off my meds.
Hm. Read that fourth panel as “until hope fully makes a difference.”
Just commenting one more time to drive home the point that the cure to addiction isn’t only abstinence forever. Food addiction can’t be cured with abstinence. Addiction broadly does not have to be and arguably isn’t cured by abstinence. Abstinence does prevent an addict from engaging in whatever addictive behavior and substance they have a problem with, but it doesn’t address the reason they want it in the first place.
One of the pretty core tenets of abstinence as a substance addiction treatment is that you aren’t curing the addiction you are managing it. Like, I’ve never seen anybody credible tout abstinence as a cure for addiction so much as it’s an effective means of keeping that addiction from ruining your life or killing you.
So… when are they going to break up? Their relationship is massively unhealthy for both of them and, frankly, I don’t see it getting any better.
Why do I have to have so much invested in such a toxic relationship? At least it’s fictional and not my own.