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✪ Jonathan H. Gray says: “Beware the Tide Pods of March” ✪ @jongraywb.bsky.social ⋅ 10h
BNO News @bnonews.com ⋅ 11h
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
Joshua J. Friedman @joshuajfriedman.com ⋅ 1d
trash panzer @panzertron.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
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Kekeflipnote
Then it turns out Blaine in fact is on one with a bad motor so it goes slower than the top speed
Those scooters aren’t exactly powerhouses, so the fact that Blaine simply is larger than Mike means that his scooter would be slower by default.
Additionally, the fact that Mike waited for Blaine and keeps shouting tells me that his phone is on. Why else shout his destination?
The real concern is the fact that Ross might now decide he must make a move on grabbing Becky RIGHT NOW before Mike brings the cops down on him.
…he very well may
Blaine barely stopped him from doing that earlier after all
I think he’s dumb enough that he’ll either continue being preoccupied trying to “swipe as straight as he can” as he put it or follow Blaine’s advice and pray.
It would not surprise me if, as he is praying, he realizes that God wants him to do exactly what it is he himself wants to do (funny how often that happens).
Which, in this case, is to rescue Becky from the crowd of deceivers she is mired in (as he sees it).
If he attempts to kidnap Becky he will have to face:
Dina, who has been shown to be willing to resort to biting.
Becky, who is far more inclined to put up a fight than last time.
Ethan and Joe, who are both pretty buff.
Ruth, who has not tasted femurs in weeks.
Sarah, who beat a dude with a bat
Billie, who despite not feeling well can power through for the sake of being head cheerleader, problem solver
Walky, who for all his laziness, is unpredictable and usually has his heart in the right place.
Linda Shaver-Gleason, who by Word of Willis is great.
Robin, who is probably desperate not to lose her campaign’s only lifeline.
Possibly Grace, Meredith, Mandy, and Sierra, who were still there last we checked
And don’t forget Joyce, who has glassed a guy in the face, uppercutted Ross so hard it injured her hand, and now has a resentment towards parental figures.
What trophy would Ruth mount on her wall: Femurs or moustache?
Femur with the Mustache taped on.
Dina, who is now armed with a raptor claw!
Of course he wants to swipe as straight as possible. He thinks it’s sacrilegous to swipe gay.
A few kg difference in weight already makes a pretty big difference for max speed with go-carts, and those have way more power than those scooters. So yeah, Blaine won’t be catching Mike on one unless Mike’s scooter is really low on battery.
Yep. That is likely to be the showdown. Wild chase at 12mph, until one scooter’s battery runs out. Let’s hope it’ll be Blaine’s.
I’m starting to wonder if Mike isn’t recording, he’s actually on an open 911 call.
Yeah, Mike is luring away the only person who manages to keep Ross from doing anything stupid.
I’m pretty sure that Blaine’s scooter isn’t significantly slower than Mike’s scooter, for much the same reason that Mike did circles around them while waiting for them to install the app. But that just means Mike gets to conserve his battery a bit… just in case the police don’t set an ambush up at the destination he’s been telling 911 he’s going to.
Could totally be soundtracked by the Benny Hill theme at half speed.
Did you know that tune had words? https://youtu.be/BK7T4LHjln4
To be pedantic, those are not the words to “Yakety Sax”. This is merely a set of lyrics Chet Atkins uses to the same melody; he calls his version “Yakety Axe”.
Tsch. Next you’ll tell us that the Game of Thrones theme song doesn’t have lyrics.
That’s not the real lyrics.
I’d call blasphemy, but that’s not even a real song. That’s just your typical drunken college frat boys trying to sing.
Bicycle Bill, you must be the king of hair splitters. The tune is the tune, no matter what instrument it’s played on. And Merle Travis set the words to that tune, not Chet.
I don’t know why, but that makes me think of the Snuffle-uppagus Theme.
Panels 3-5: Are those speed-lines really necessary, or for comedic effect?
Absolutely necessary. Even more necesarry is the Eurobeat-party that they’re going to pass in tomorrow’s comic while rounding a corner.
RUNNING IN THE 90’S
lol, Internet
Autumn weather in Bloomington is famous for its midnight stripe-storms. It can get very messy when fallen speed-lines clog the street drains.
Worth noting that Lime scooters (one of the two brands associated with the scooters in the real world location the comic is based on) have an estimated top speed of 20mph, a typical set top speed of 15mph, and have been demonstrated in videos to be able to reach 30mph under favorable conditions.
None of which creates motion blur in real life (and thereby, probably shouldn’t receive speed-lines in comics), as that’s something that really starts in the 50-60mph range, due both to the limits of typical human motion perception and due to the air resistance in front of the object diffusing around it.
That said, it’s still decidedly more than what Google results list for typical running speed (average casual run speed is listed at 8mph, high speed running at 15mph, and Olympic Champion Usain Bolt caps out at just under 28mph).
Seeing that speed lines can be used in comics just when a character moves very suddenly, to indicate high speed relative to typical human motion, it’s reasonable that the scooters could receive such as well, to indicate the same.
This is a masterpiece. Webcomics have hit their peak with how this bit of story-line is panning out.
*plays Steppenwolf’s “Born To Be Wild” on the hacked P.A. speakers*
I wanted to link to the scene in The Fall Guy which used the song, but while the clip IS on YouTube, the footage has different music. I guess the production had the BROADCAST rights but not the HOME VIDEO rights. Common problem with TV series in general.
It’s mainly a problem for TV series produced before the home video market for them was opened up. Both The Wonder Years (licensed broadcast rights for the show in ’88, but no distribution rights) and Daria (relied on broadcast rights MTV already had) took many years to come out because of that and in the former case was much more expensive for it at first and in the latter case just jettisoned most of the music even though some of it was critical to the narrative and/or humor at points and it’s removal made it a weaker series.
*cues up Nature Trail to Hell to follow Born to be Wild as he’s talking before fading into the background*
Oops, right, speed limits.
And I like to pretend Ross is deciding Blaine is a dick and is going to say ‘screw him’.
…Look, Ross deciding Blaine is awful because he messed with him personally is as optimistic as I get about that gangrenous toe.
And isn’t that the case for all of us. (Sigh) Realizing he’s being manipulated would mean he did something stupid sooner rather than later, so that’s my biggest hope too.
Yep. I am worried if he wanders off here, though – he’s still close enough to the apartment he might cause trouble. But doing so with Robin and a lot of witnesses present may just be enough to stop this whole scheme in its tracks.
I think what’s good about this series of strips is that it plays Blaine and Toedad as… well, inept. That was what was kind of scary about them before, that they’re very real and very much a ‘threat’. It’s why Ryan is still scary.
I guess. There was a lot of set up for this, if it’s all going to end in a comedy scooter chase. Kind of anti-climatic, imo.
I suspect this isn’t actually the resolution and they’re going to be back to scary before this plot arc ends.
This is why this benny hill stuff just took me completely off guard
Hoping Blaine would collide with a passing vehicle, but I don’t know how late at night it is, so I doubt it’ll happen.
When Robin came into the party, she noted that it was “after midnight” and no longer Dina’s birthday.
Big truck, driven by Ruth. Acting with integrity.
And Ross continues to accept all of Blaine’s words as gospel truth. Is it bad I feel kinda bad for how easily he is manipulated?
When Blaine starts saying “God told me that you need to kill this kid to save your daughter’s soul” and he tries to kill Mike… Then you can feel bad.
Noted and logged.
I’m kind of worried that ToeDad will decide to go back to plan A. Kidnap Becky from the party and drag her away to be
curedbrainwashed.we got a real Zeno’s Paradox situation going on here.
I feel like Blaine might end up losing Toedad’s favor over this little ordeal. I’m not sure, but in my gut I’m feeling that even Toedad can see how entirely scummy Blaine is from his actions here. I’m hoping anyway…
And reading that again, I feel that “scummy” was entirely too weak of a word to describe Blaine…
Ross is not the brightest guy in the webcomic, that’s certainly known, though Blaine’s a snake and Dina, who also fooled him, happens to have a hell of a poker face. That being said, Blaine definitely let a lot of cracks show in his facade here, so, I guess it remains to be seen if Toedad’s going to process it.
Is it canon that Dina’s smile/ toothy grin, is as persuasive as Florence’s?
(Florence, a Bowman’s wolf)
I’d like to hope so, but Ross is so easily manipulated that I wouldn’t be surprised if Blaine somehow explains away his behavior enough to convince Ross to stay with him.
When he loses favor it’s going to be a dramatic moment, Something like Blaine trying to use that hammer on Amber. Or otherwise slap her around.(amazi-girl can kick his butt however her Regular persona is still psychologically helpless)
Ross for all his faults, does care about his daughter Becky. Plenty of Dads simply disown children who come out as gay.
Blaine doesn’t care about Amber and thematically I don’t think Ross will turn on him Ross realizes that.
Not to dispute the larger argument, but it was always Amber who beat up Blaine. Both when she slugged him in her room on family weekend and when she stomped him into the ground when he kidnapped Danny. (It was also Amber who gutted Ryan.)
She’s not psychologically helpless – Amber’s just the persona without the control to stop.
Also, toedad smacked Becky in the face. He might, maybe lose trust for Blaine if he savagely beats Amber, but he clearly doesn’t have any issues with using violence to get your daughter “back in line”
If he runs into Amazigirl, he might wind up in jail. If he runs into Amber, he might wind up dead.
Pretty much the point. Either way, he won’t be slapping her around.
Judging by previous history though, whichever he runs into, he’ll be running into Amber. When AG confronted Blaine last time, Amber wound up in control immediately. Their relationship is different now, so that might not happen this time.
The last three years have taught me how much Fundamentalists are willing to sacrifice their principles in order to achieve their goals.
Remember; the word Fan comes from fanatic.
You better hope yours has more battery left.
I laughed at this in public and can’t even adequately describe why
That “….okay ” gave me life.
*RC car noises*
Okay, the way Mike is announcing where they’re going? More evidence that someone is monitoring this conversation. Either that or he doesn’t want Blaine to lose him and wander back to the party.
Oh, that’s true— I haven’t been closely following the comments, so I don’t know if this is well-established theory, but all signs do seem to point to Mike having this conversation monitored in some way.
He’s mentioned a lot of specific details (Blaine’s full name (plus a distinguishing feature with the nose splint), the presence of the hammer, Dunn Woods, and he also tried to coax Blaine into saying Ross’ name); his repeated circling of Blaine and Ross while they struggled to install the app could also be to keep them in earshot.
Count me as on board with this theory.
Plus he gave a distinguishing feature for Ross by calling him “Mustache”.
And now that we have a theory, and evidence to support it, it is mandatory for the author to whip the rug out from under us and move the story in a different direction.
But until then, I remain convinced.
It’s Mike. He could equally have announced his destination as Dunn Woods and be headed for the police station.
And there’s a record of Blaine’s and maybe eventually Ross’s credit cards on those scooters.
And also their accounts in the app’s logs
Fun fact : if you get into an accident driving one of these, no insurance will cover you.
Fun fact: in some states at least, you’re legally not allowed to drive these on the sidewalk, you need to be in the street with the cars.
Oh boy, now they’re _really_ in trouble.
I hope that he gets frustrated enough at the speed of the scooter that Blaine decides that he’d be faster on foot so he jumps off the thing at speed and falls over while breaking his legs.
Kinda worried that Ross will decide to disrupt the party to get Becky while Blaine is busy chasing after Mike.
Yeah, intelligence, subtlety, long term planning and patience are not his strong suits. Want to bet Robin somehow gets wounded and cruises to an easy victory based on her “heroism”?
I’d bet on that happening.
“Not the brier patch! Anything but the brier patch!”
I think I should toss this person into that there briar patch.
My Cabbages!
This is the dumbest persecution in the history of persecutions, and I love this!
Maybe, but they can zip.
This went from possibly scary for the characters to something I expected from Shortpacked. And I love every bit of it!
In MMOs, we would say Mike has “taunted” Blaine, “has aggro” and can now “kite” him to… wherever he wants.
Mike is essentially in total control of this situation mentally minus any random surprises.
He won’t, but it would be hilarious if Blaine “leashed” directly back to Ross when he got more than say 80 meters away.
Man sure is narrating things.
Sure hope its not mike taunting and its mike informing police
*epic chase music intensifies*
The saw-toothed parking cutouts in front of the building behind them indicate they are proceeding east on 7th Street and heading in the general direction of campus. I’m certain that Mike is purposefully leading them in that direction, since he undoubtedly knows what Blaine doesn’t — just two more blocks in this direction is the Monroe County Sheriff’s Department, who would probably be very interested in learning what Blaine and Ross are up to.
I was about to ask “how?!” Then I remember this whole comic is set in a real campus…and Willis is nothing if not loyal to geographic consistency.
When it comes to loyalty to geographic consistency, Willis is slavishly so…. A quick check of Google Maps using Fairview Elementary (Blowjob Cat’s home) as a reference point will show that not only is Willis accurate on the sawtooth parking cutouts at the Orion Management Group building, he’s even got the window spacing and the freaking parking meters drawn correctly too!
Blaine evidently hasn’t realised that, whatever the outcome now, activating the scooters through use of a card and an app is forensic evidence that places both him and Ross at the scene – and is completely admissible in a courtroom. Mike is right, he is a numbnuts.
And people wonder why I gave up cc’s, debit cards, electronic banking. etc.
IF on the rare occasion I use a cash card. I can with a straight face say I’ve never needed bail money or been investigated. Unlike my hero and mentor Big Juli. That was the nicest, smartest guy. Amber reminds me of him.
Good thing pride is so important for Blaine, because it’s not like he makes an utter fool of himself or anything.
I read that ‘…Okay’ in John Mulaney-ese
Do those scooters have GPS tags built into them? That seems like a thing.
They do. It’s how they’re retrived and repaired
You know, I was half-hoping that AG would show up and beat the high holy hecks out of Middle Finger and Toe. But honestly, AG would only hit them. I feel like Mike’s gonna *hurt* ’em.
Is he saying where he’s going loudly because he’s actually on the phone with 911?
Am I the only one who can hear the Benny Hill Show slapstick chase music playing
No, I hear it too.
Anyone reading the comments has long before this, because somebody linked to it above in the comments at 12:02 am. Or you could just search for Benny Hill.
And all of these scooters run on rechargeable batteries, don’t they? How much do you want to bet that Blane’s scooter will run out of juice about 1/4 mile down the road and he gets lost in the woods?
Assuming Bicycle Bill’s right about where they are, the police station is 7-10 blocks closer than Dunn Meadow, which is north of Dunn Woods, but on the same street that they’re on. Those two blocks to the police station are much closer than 1/4 of a mile.
Of course, that only really helps if the police are watching or know where this 911 call is coming from – either from phone telemetry or from scooter telemetry. Or possibly from Mike if he called 911 before he made contact with the crooks, rather than when I first thought which was right after he mostly walked away after Blaine’s initial threats.
Mike did initiate this contact, so he could have had time to check the scooters to know which one had the most charge before he drew aggro.
I had the weirdest dream about this comic, and it was how this whole thing with Mike, Toedad and Blaine was all just fan fiction Amber had written about her never having to deal with her dad again because Mike got them to suffer.
It’s not just your dream, other-universe Amber really did write fanfiction about that:
https://shortpacked.com/comic/big-sister
Man, I forgot she fanfictioned even in Shortpacked. I shouldn’t be surprised though.
This is probably one of the most hilarious things that has happened in the whole story.
Best. Chase. Scene. Ever.
1) Ross doesn’t have a smartphone, does he.
2) Did Ross just pay for Blaine’s scooter?
Probably not on the smartphone, and no, Blaine just installed an app that lets him either pay for the scooter, or let him access the scooter on his phone? I’m not familiar with these scooters, but I know Ross was of no help.
I thought Ross had paid for both scooters, but when I re-read yesterday’s strip, I saw that Blaine had swiped a card while Ross was fiddling with his own scooter. I also wonder know: is Ross using a credit card or a bank debit card? Is he unable to use his card because he has insufficient funds to cover the hold? Is he trying to pay using a pre-paid debit card?
Is he trying to pay with a Wal-Mart shop card? Is he trying to pay by swiping his driver’s license?
*wonder NOW (sheesh)
Part of me worries that Benicio del Toro is going to ruin Mike’s plan.
In which of his roles?
Star Wars
Just how dense do you have to be to chase somebody who was circling you while you struggled to make a scooter work to ensure he wouldn’t accidentally lose you?
About as dense as Blaine
If anyone wants to follow along at home, hit up google maps 401 W 7th street, bloomington indiana. BJ cat is west from that spot.
Just saw Knives Out last night. This chase scene might be slightly more ridiculous than the one in that flick…
Can I ask someone, how fast do those things go? Are we talking Segway speed?
According to IndyStar .com (“How scooters have changed Indianapolis after 1 year”) the dockless scooters in Indianapolis (and possibly the greater Indiana area) are required to have a set maximum speed of 15 mph. As I’m not familiar with Segway scooters, I can’t directly compare. But I once rode a similar scooter in San Diego once and 15 mph is pretty cruisin’ when there’s nothing between you and the hard asphalt below.
As a note, other sites cite maximum speeds of 20 mph for other parts of Indiana (but didn’t specify dockless scooters, so may refer to privately owned scooters), so I’m not 100% sure what the limit would be here in the college town.
This chase scene is honestly the funniest thing to me. Which is weird since I’m also tense af.
The chase scene is hilarious until I remembered that Blaine came prepared to bash on someone’s head. And Ross is ready to kill and then be killed.
If this was anyone other than Mike this scene would probably be super scary.
I’m no pro but I don’t think a secluded place like the woods would be my first choice if I was being chased by someone seriously intent on murdering me.
Okay this is grade A black comedy.