Carla: I’m a bongo,
I’m a lover,
I’m a child,
I’m a mother,
I’m a sinner,
I’m a saint,
I do not feel ashamed!
I’m your hell,
I’m your dream,
I’m nothing in between;
You know you wouldn’t want it any other way!
*hand does so-so motion* Carla’s awesome and pretty, but she’s in the lower 50th percentile for the floor in the “boobies” category if that’s what he was looking for.
He does seem both scared and oddly attracted to the aura of hate and contempt she carries around…probably comes from living in a disciplined household…just saying…
She’s a sophomore, and she took a year off last year (I wonder why *cough*SRS*cough*), so unless she entered college earlier than is typical in the US today, she’s at least 20.
Oh, I see where I fucked up, it says she’s a returning student, which I interpreted as meaning “she left school for a semester or more, and then re-enrolled”, rather than the more likely intended interpretation of “she’s in her second or later year at the university”. I R Dah Dummaass.
It’s interesting to see how Carla might handle a guy like Howard. I don’t mean take any .crush seriously. He’ll see soon enough, I hope, that she just acts that way to.everyone.
I don’t know if anyone in DofA has complemented her appearance. And he’s young and naive enough to have it come out completely differently than, say, Joe delivering it.
Carla…are you intentionally invoking the ‘oh you don’t look like you have a mental illness’ excuse that will send the fanbase into a rage? Because that is not smart.
I don’t think so, since what Carla is not apologizing for is reporting her metal state. I think she’s more saying “you look fine, by which I mean not dead, so I’m not gong to apologize for telling someone about your issues.”
Right. It wouldn’t make sense for Carla to insist Ruth doesn’t have a problem when she was the one loudly proclaiming she has a serious problem. This is clearly her saying, “It doesn’t look like I ruined your life”.
Yup, that’s what I think too. It’s her trying to convince herself that she did the right thing and didn’t as Billie contends put her in a potentially dangerous bad place.
Definitely. She still associates being seen to care as an invitation for violence, but she still definitely does care, which leads to internal conflicts like this when she’s super worried about someone.
(is it me, or does she have to go through a lot more feels these days? she certainly doesn’t seem 100% happy about billie’s anger over her actions (given her defensiveness around Ruth and assuming Ruth will snap at her), and is bottling it up with even more of her usual awesomeness and personality (and yes, I’m being serious, it’s cool). hmm…)
Yup, I think Billie exploding at her really shook her up and now she’s doubting whether or not she did the right thing and put Ruth in a better situation and is handling her guilt and worry for Ruth extremely poorly because she is scared and earnestly wants to know what Ruth thinks about her actions and how she’s doing, but really doesn’t want to be seen as caring like that.
Huh, I read it at her intentionally saying the most obnoxious thing to say to somebody with an invisible illness, like, to throw Ruth off the track that she has feelings/concerns like a vulnerable person. Like, “see, I’m a total jerk, I don’t care! You look fine to me, I know exactly how you feel, everything is part of God’s plan, blehh!”
H: Um… umm… would you… watch Game Of Thrones with me?
C: …
…
…
Sure, I got HBO in my room!
H: (I love you even more, now!)
C: WHAT?!?!
H: Um.. umm… Oberyn Martel!!
C: That magnificent bastard!
H: *whew*
The “my persona is always being a massive asshole” is clashing pretty hard with the “I actually do care about you and mean well” really really hard here.
Mary already knows (which isn’t ideal, but see below);
Ruth obviously knows, who may have told Billie, who may in turn have outed Carla to the dorm hall in her quest to neutralize Mary; in any event, they wouldn’t care;
Her parents already know, since they’re paying for their daughter to reside in a girls dorm;
We don’t know if the school knows, because the Ruttens could have just said “give Carla her own dorm”; but the Ruttens are also rich, famous and love their daughter, so the school wouldn’t do anything with the information;
All that’s left are major news outlets and the internet, but, again, the Ruttens are rich, famous and love their daughter and made their fortune as a tech company – they should be able to distract the news outlets and prevent a dox; again, not ideal, but wealth has its privileges.
All in all, it seems that Carla should be able to survive what Clint has to offer with minimal or no scars, provided I’m not utterly mistaken about the Ruttens.
I got the strong impression that Carla isn’t closeted. She doesn’t mention it (as it’s usually irrelevant), but she doesn’t dress to hide it, either, and she generally gives zero fucks regarding who knows or what they think about it.
Sal found out without Carla telling her. And none of the other girls blinked an eye at the ‘hate crime’ yelling. I have a difficult time believing the other girls don’t know – at least most of them besides Joyce, Becky, and maaaaaaybe Dina and Amber.
I think Diana is likely currently oblivious because no one has outright mentioned it in her presence, and when she does find out is likely to be unable to fathom why anyone would care.
I suspect the older girls mostly know. I doubt any of our main viewpoint characters do, unless we’ve seen them learn or reveal it on screen – which I think limits it to Mary, Billie and Sal of the freshmen.
I assume the university knows and informed Ruth as part of her job.
It appears the conversation Carla has already had in her head with Ruth is quite different than the one that’s happening. When I do that it goes about that badly too.
Panel 1: Guilt? What guilt? Who said anything about feeling guilty and worrying about Billie being right and Ruth being really fucked over by my actions? I’m here because… uh… conquering Hell. Yup, definitely conquering hell and not at all because I’m worried about Ruth and want to check in on her.
Oh Carla, one day you’ll learn that sometimes it is safe to show you care about people.
Panel 2: The Carla attempts an apology. Ooh, critical miss.
Panel 3: I think it’s absolutely fair to interpret her as being shitty to Ruth about her not looking mentally ill, but I dunno, given her reactions to Ruth’s suicidal depression before, I doubt that’s her intention here.
Instead, I think this is about her trying to assuage her guilt and convince herself that Billie was wrong about her putting Ruth in a worse place because of her intervention. So I think her saying “you look fine to me” is her trying to convince herself of that.
Well, I intervened, but you’re up and about and not staring at a wall, so maybe I didn’t ruin your life after all, not that I care, but if I did, this would totally be when I felt better, if I wasn’t still worried about not seeing the signs of intense depression before or my internal guilt. Not that I am.
Panel 4: And yeah, it’s not helping her with her guilt at all. She knows she’s going to have to apologize for taking a big risk with her life and safety even if she thinks and it turns out she did the right thing.
This is just her drawing that out because she still associates vulnerability like that as an invitation to violence. Like, if people know she’s a softie who cares about others, they can use that to hurt her. Which is something she’ll learn to shed in time.
Panel 5: Oh dear, Howie, there’s no there there. You’re way too not a girl for Carla and she is likely just as sex/touch-averse as her Walkyverse counterpart.
Though yes, she is a very pretty complete asshole. A good person, but an intentional, deliberate asshole.
“I love how Ruth takes it all in stride.” Especially considering what Ruth has been through in the last few hours. And as several have pointed out, it’s to soon to be the meds. I choose to believe it’s because she’s so relieved to have things out in the open now.
That’s a thing. There’s so much tension and stress in being closeted about sexuality, about mental health, about everything that when you’re finally out of the closet it can feel like a massive relief because you’re no longer using a chunk of your energy being hypervigilant about being caught out.
Then there’s the matter of how her asshole grandfather left – she was clearly stressed about his reaction, and it seems to have gone better than expected. Still disastrously, but there’s a surprisingly good emotional high to “less catastrophic”.
Yeah I get the impression Ruth knows Carla ultimately did the right thing, even if some of the consequences could be potentially shitty. If someone is suicidal, they need help, and that help may not always result in happyfuntimes at first, but in the long run, it is still better than being dead. :/
I do think Carla feels guilty too though. I suspect when she got Ruth help she wasn’t thinking, “She needs help damn the consequences,” she was thinking, “She needs help,” and didn’t even think about the consequences. What little we’ve seen of Carla’s family (esp from the bonus patreon strips) seems to indicate she comes from a fairly safe, accepting, loving home environment and it may not have occurred to her that someone in trouble might NOT benefit from needing to go home. Ultimately they both dodged a bullet in that Ruth hasn’t been forced to go back home (although time will tell what Sir is gonna do to hold this over her head in the future).
A long time ago, someone on a forum I frequented posted a suicide note. By complete luck, I was able to figure out exactly where they were posting from and, with support from others on the forum who had personal experience with this, I called their local police, who actually found them.
But I always worried I did the wrong thing. I hadn’t realized the person had mentioned in the note feeling like they wanted to harm others too, and while it seemed to me they were saying they did not want to actually do that, that of course is what the police focused on. But in talking to the police, it seemed like ALL they were focused on, not that the person was depressed and suicidal. They sounded almost…overconfident that they understood what was going on, even telling me the person was probably lying to us about their gender because…they mentioned it a lot in conversation?
But of course, I ultimately don’t know. What I do know is that a year later, this person came back, angry at us, said they “got in trouble,” and while they had been in a hospital for a bit and didn’t seem actively suicidal, they didn’t seem much better honestly. I never heard from them again. I don’t know what else I could have done. I’d looked into other possible options before calling the police, but in the end, the police were really the only option. I just hope they actually got them real help and not a criminal record.
Hi. You did the right thing. It’s okay that they couldn’t/can’t accept the only help that you could access in that situation.
It was the right thing to do, even if they can never accept your attempt to help, even if it ended up doing more harm than good, and/or even if they’re mad forever.
You only had one way that might help, so you did that. The other option was, what, do nothing? You knew that doing nothing definitely wouldn’t help, so you picked the option that had any chance of helping.
The cops should definitely be better trained in how to deal with people who are having mental issues. It’s a thing, and people are working on it. That’s not on you, though.
Anger is often part of depression, and of healing from depression. I hope they’ll be alright, too.
Out of curiousity, was it ever actually stated anywhere that Carla exclusively likes girls? I know sexuality is consistent across universes, but I was always under the impression that Carla in Shortpacked! was equally repulsed by both men and women and liked Malaya 100% for her personality, that Malaya’s gender was immaterial to her, and in DoA I don’t recall her ever showing an interest in either gender either.
Either that or I just missed/forgot something along the way.
Towards the end, Ultra Car refers to herself as a homoromantic ace trans-chassis woman and we know she was sex repulsed from her relationship with Malaya. That would translate to Carla being a homoromantic ace trans lady who is likely to be sex repulsed.
Well Mary is the purposefully unlikable anti-Joyce. That being said Joyce was fairly hmophobic before having the biggest character arc in the comic so far.
Mary’s a decent foil to a lot of characters. Fun stuff for Willis’s former would have been dream girl.
But really, look at this floor:
– Joyce loves Becky and is very much down with LGBT+ causes now.
– Dorothy is pro-LGBT+ rights and trying to help Becky.
– Billie is bi
– Sal’s best friend is Marcie, who is bi, and she knows that and is okay with that (albeit, she seems to think her taste in girls leaves something to be desired). Also friendly with Carla and generally opposed to asshole bigotry on principle.
– Sarah is generally pretty pro-LGBT+ although more practical and surly about it, she’s also friends with Dina (arguably BEST friends with Dina) and friendly-ish with Becky
– Sierra is bi.
– Becky is gay.
– Dina is some form of into girls.
– Amber is definitely pro-LGBT+ and willing to defend that. With table flipping. Because she loves Ethan, who is gay, and is friends with Mike, who is Not Straight.
– Mandy is bi
– Grace is bi
– Agatha was helping hide Becky.
– Bloodrose was seen listening to Roz, and we know Roz was trying to get LGBT+ folks and their allies listening to that bit about Robin. Plus Carla’s statement.
– Meredith seemed upset about Robin being outed and asked if Roz did it. Also Carla’s statement.
– Carla is trans, homoromantic, and ace.
– Ruth is bi.
– Rachel is pretty pro-LGBT+ – she’s friendly with Grace, she seemed to be okay with a girl having a crush on Ruth (albeit with elementary school level teasing) and her only objections to Ruth/Billie were the uneven power dynamic. Plus she seems allergic to Mary’s bullshit in general.
– Roz definitely cares about LGBT+ issues, whatever you want to say about her methods
– Other Rachel likewise seems decently pro-LGBT – she hangs out with Agatha and Roz (allies) and while she made fun about Stockholm Syndrome, didn’t object to Carla ‘liking’ another girl and definitely didn’t back up Mary ever, nor did she blink at Carla yelling about hate crime. Plus what Carla says about not imagining anybody else being homophobic. Carla seems to have a fairly decent bigot sense.
Mary really is the lone bigot here. Good luck with that.
This reminds me, I’ve been wondering about one thing: It’s been stated that sexuality is consistent across the universes (even if specific relationships differ) but I don’t recall Danny ever being bi in the Walkyverse? I read the Danny strips a while ago though so I could just be forgetting.
I suppose one could argue he still could’ve been bi in the Walkyverse but just never had any opportunity to explore it and therefore never really realized it himself in that universe?
We found out he was bi in the Dumbiverse, but it is retroactively canon in the Walkyverse as well. Apparently he discovered it upon meeting Walky and realizing he had similar attraction to him he did to Sal.
Honestly, although I’ve gotten used to it, it feels like kind of a cheesy out to me – Everyone has the same sexuality as they did in the Walkyverse , but they could actually be bi and just have never revealed or realized it.
Who doesn’t that apply to? Other than those already known to be bi, of course.
I have three reactions:
1. Carla will neither apologize nor allow Ruth to thank her. Which is what Ruth seems to be trying to do.
2. Aahhhh, Howie has a crush on Carla.
3. Oohhh wait, Howie has a crush on Carla. Who isn’t interested in boys…hopefully he doesn’t get that poor little heart of his broken.
#3 – eh, getting your heart broken is a formative learning experience. It happens to everyone. Best it happen while you’re young so you quickly learn it isn’t the end of the world.
Does anyone else ever wish the comment section here was a forum? I mean, obviously the comment system works pretty well as it; I think I’m just partial to forums.
That’s fine but I want it on record that it is YOUR fault I am coming up with shit like Carla looking into ways to trick out Sal’s bike online when she wants to come up with something she’ll like.
People have already said this, and I’m sure many more will do so after me, but it is SO NOT OKAY to tell people that they “look fine” or “seem okay.”
(Warning: RANT upcoming!)
This is a major trigger for me because I get it on two different fronts. First, I have serious medical problems that are not usually visibly evident (I have a blood-clotting disorder and a deep-vein thrombosis in my inferior vena cava, which leads to severe circulation problems – I don’t want to bore anyone but I’m happy to talk more specifically if anyone here is curious.) When I was an undergrad, I *literally* almost died and missed about a month of school, coming back to finish the semester while in near-constant pain. I needed extra help from my professors and my friends/classmates. My *professors* were great, but I lost almost ALL my friends when I asked them for notes I’d missed and help with assignments. My best friend at the time left me a HORRIBLE voicemail saying that I was “taking advantage” of everyone to “get ahead” in the program, and no one, including him, believed I’d been sick because I “looked fine.”
*RAGEFACE*
I am also clinically depressed. It’s not something I hide, but it’s not something I exactly wear on my sleeve either. But when I tell people, they often say things like, “But you seem to have so much energy! You seem so friendly! You don’t look depressed!” Yeah, @$$hole, you don’t see me on the days when I literally can’t get out of bed (for anyone who is interested, yes I am in treatment and on medication, and my clinical depression is at least partially based on my medical condition). Even my partner, who mostly super-supportive, sometimes asks me if I’m “sure” I’m not bipolar because sometimes I apparently “work really hard and become very anxious” and other times I “curl up into a ball.” YES, I AM sure and so are all of the therapists I’ve seen. Working a lot sometimes is my way of trying to combat my depression and making sure I don’t fall TOO far behind in my profession and my career. It also means that I hopefully have some “wiggle room” when I get triggered by something and land up staying in bed for an entire weekend. Armchair diagonsis for the win, I guess? I cope with my depression the best I can, but I guess I don’t “look” depressed enough sometimes for people to take it seriously, even the people who know me best.
*RAGEFACE*
Sorry for all the venting but this, again, IS one of my major triggers. Telling an unwell person they “look fine,” IMHO, is just about one of the WORST and most HURTFUL things anyone can say to them.
And yes, I have. Not all of my college friends were butts; my roomate used to smuggle me food from the dining hall when my legs hurt too much for me to walk. 🙂 I found that the people who stood by and believed me were my true friends.
And I shouldn’t be too hard on my partner; he is going through a LOT of his own stuff as well recently. He *thinks* he is helping me by saying that I might be bipolar and that maybe I need different meds or something; he has also been feeling pretty useless right now (laid off from a career-path job, lots of family drama, some recent deaths, and more) so he wants to feel like he can “help” with something. But it’s not helpful to question my illness. I have told him this and he *has* backed off. 🙂
However, in general, I do NOT like how people who apparently “look fine” keep getting challenged about whether or not they are really unwell. There are signs in the NYC subway reminding people that “not all disabilities are visible” – because people who use the seats designated for the differently-abled are sometimes told (I have experienced and seen this) that they “shouldn’t” be sitting there.
NOT COOL.
My personal experience aside, Carla’s reaction represents an ableist ideology that REALLY needs to stop.
I’m glad you’ve made better friends and that some of your friends at the time were good to you.
Aww, I hope your partner feels better. It HAS happened that bipolar and depression have gotten misdiagnosed for each other, and sometimes people do need a med adjustment, but it’s important to respect when a person is sure.
Yeah, I get that. I knew a woman once who had to swap between a wheelchair, a walker, and a cane. She once brought up how people never believed people in wheelchairs could walk or they were ‘faking’ if they were. Such as when people ignored disabled customers in stores, forcing them to stand (often painfully) and grab what they needed from the high shelf, only to listen to folks making stupid jokes about ‘miracles’. Fuck THAT noise.
Those kinda of jokes make me want to SCREAM. I’ve had to use a cane/wheelchair/crutches at various points and have had a handicap placard on-and-off even though I CAN walk and LOOK like nothing is wrong with me (I’m young and have no visible outward injuries). But I have a connective tissue disorder that causes chronic pain and sometimes I can walk around the block just fine but other days even standing up hurts!
WAY too often people assume that anyone in handicap parking who looks like they can walk just fine shouldn’t be there, not realizing that limiting pain may be the reason for the parking placard or wheelchair, not physical lack of ability to walk.
*Appropriate gesture of support* I’m so sorry that happened and yeah, I don’t think it was Carla’s intention to be shitty here, but that doesn’t mean what she said isn’t super shitty and evocative of terrible things that have been thrown at folks just trying to get by.
And yeah, that whole discounting of mental health because you manage to be functional is really frustrating. I’ve gotten it a lot about my DID because I am stabilized and functional and then folks get shitty later when it becomes really apparent that I wasn’t making up the DID because somehow I “hid it from them”.
Yikes. I’m sorry you went through that shit. *offers hugs*
*TW: suicide *
After I returned to high school after a suicide attempt, a friend of mine gestured across his wrist with a finger and said, “You know it’s down the road and not across the street, right?”
Fuck that guy. We weren’t friends after that.
*End TW*
I have a friend whose ex husband had fibromyalgia. He caught so much flak from people for using motorized carts in stores. I remember one asshole yelling at him that he clearly didn’t need the cart because he got up from it long enough to try on shoes and walk down the aisle in them. A mutual friend would snidely comment behind his back that she knew someone else with fibromyalgia and they didn’t need a motorized cart.
Trying to convince people that you really are ill can be just as exhausting as the illness itself. It’s maddening having to convince people, not to give you sympathy or extra help, but just to accept that you’re ill and leave you to taking care of yourself.
I had a high-school friend with fibromyalgia and she went through a lot as well. She was utterly gorgeous and visibly “looked healthy.” It never occured to me to doubt that she had a serious health problem and I could never quite believe it when other people did.
Ironically, when I came back to school after being so sick as an undergrad, I was prepared to have to explain the heck out of myself to my professors. (I disappeared for about a month with no explanation – I was too sick and in too much pain to really email or call my profs. It took close to another 6 months for me to actually have a diagnosis, because it VERY rare for an 18 year old – my age at the time – to clot the way I did. I’m pretty sure I’m in medical journals and texbooks!). I was terrified and ashamed of talking to my professors. However, THEY were wonderful and understanding. It was my so-called “friends” who weren’t. I really did get exhausted trying to prove to them that I was unwell, and soon just gave it – and them – up. 🙁
Ableist nonsense REALLY needs to stop!!!!!
If there is a happy ending here, it’s that I am now a college prof. myself and I always try SUPER hard to be understanding and approachable when I have students who are dealing with challenges. I have actually told many of my students the story of my own background to, hopefully, help them realize that they don’t have to be ashamed or afraid.
People give post-secondary professors a bad rap. I’m sure some are awful, but all of mine have been very generous and understanding regarding health issues when I’ve talked to them. Professors can be some of the nicest, most intelligent, most generous people when it comes to things like that. In my experience, they generally DO want you to pass and they do care. They won’t hound you for it though, you have to come to them.
Well that’s a whole bunch of crap. I hit a vein going across just fine and left a literally bloody mess in my bathroom. Yeah, that guy doesn’t deserve to be your friend. I hope you’re in a better headspace now with less-shitty friends.
I totally feel you. I have crippling depression that is currently making it difficult to work.
Plus, I have horrific back pain because of my scoliosis, arthritis, and Fibromyalgia.
I *know* I don’t look sick. I look perfectly normal. But that’s why it’s called “invisible illnesses.” There are so many days that I never get out of my pajamas. I stay indoors all the time. But sure, I look fine when I actually get out of the house. This is such BS.
I don’t care if Carla didn’t mean anything by it. You just do not say that crap. Especially to a potentially suicidal person.
Just wanted to offer sympathy and internet hugs. I have an invisible illness (Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome) as well that causes chronic pain and basically is a daily issue, and I HATE it when people say “You look like you’re feeling better today!” Even if I know they mean well, it’s super dismissive and makes me feel like they’re trying to convince themselves I’m feeling better so they don’t have to feel guilty/worried about how I’m feeling.
Which, it kinda seems is what Carla is doing here. I don’t think she’s trying to imply Ruth is all better but she clearly feels guilty about what she did after what Billie said, and is trying to reassure herself that she did the right thing by pointing out that Ruth “looks fine” now.
I feel you there. I’ve got lupus and I know my mom means well when she says I’m looking better today, or acting like I have more energy, but it’s just like… in this moment, yes, maybe, but this is the minority of moments. Like I’m feeling shitty and somehow managed to power through it better than usual today. “Fine” is…… eh.
I love Carla but yeah, it’s probably a guilt reaction and better words could definitely be chosen.
Also I feel you on shitty college friends. When I was in college, one of my room mates made a joke about my boyfriend at the time being “whipped” because he’d drop me off in front of my apartment before he went to go park so I wouldn’t have to walk as far (parking was usually a mess and at night the only open spots were up a steep hill, pretty far away).
I tried to explain to her that it was because I was in PAIN, not because I was lazy, but I hadn’t been diagnosed yet then so people REALLY didn’t believe me. Of course the summer after that (even though I still didn’t have a diagnosis for why I kept getting injured), I ended up getting an MRI on my hip that showed I’d been walking around with a giant labral tear in my hip socket and needed surgery to repair it. Did my room mate ever apologize for not believing me about my pain? Of course not.
Now can we get to the meeting where Ruth starts beating on students and screaming them into submission? They’ve seen her in a moment of weakness and she’s going to have to make examples of them in a process. Fear must be restored. Ruth cannot be loved so she must be feared even if she’s avoiding the Machiavelli rule about not being hated.
I’m thinking it’s more likely that she lets it be open season for venting. Since, y’know, she doesn’t want the job anyway and so possibly doesn’t care as much about whether the school’s definition of order is restored. Basically, a type of “let’s get the Airing of Grievances out of the way” sort of thing.
Poor poor Carla. You don’t understand. Your wacky revenge won’t work against Ruth because she’ll just remove your femurs and then how will you rollerskate? Well, cybernetics, probably, but that’s how archenemies begin.
Tonight I was talking to a friend of mine. She went to bed and I switched to Dumbing of Age to enjoy the latest one. I sent her a long text that started out “I wish I could tell u about my favorite webcomic. It’s so good, but I think u wouldnt like it…” I covered a bit on the primus and how it shows good Christians, bad Christians, other beliefs, depression, and other mental health issues. I ended it saying that it also showed various LGBTQ+ very well “…which is the reason I haven’t shared it with u. :\”
She is a good person, but she doesn’t approve of people who are not cis heterosexuals because of how she was raised and what she was taught through her religion. It stang a bit I won’t lie, but I know she is a good person and just about as close as I will get to an understanding person close to where I live. Anybody who has read previous posts by me knows some of the things that have happened to me when I told somebody too much or they otherwise found out…
So here I am saying that if you decided to read the comic after all, and happen to stumble into the comments, this was the day I told you. Those quotes are from our real conversation. This is how I felt. And if you ever see this (even if it’s a while down the road or we aren’t still friends when you do), I’m proud of you for reading it. 🙂
Hey, so does anyone know how much inpatient mental health facilities generally cost? I know there are probably a million factors, but just like a ballpark would be helpful. I do have health insurance, but it’s not great insurance, so I don’t know how much it will do.
Also, if anyone has any experience with inpatient, positive or negative, and would like to share, I’d be interested. (Imagine that this was earlier in Ruth’s arc so that it’s more relevant to the comic.)
I was trying to look more into my insurance policy, but, well, it’s through my mom, and I got locked out of the account in my attempts to answer the security questions (her high school has changed names over the years).
I can’t find anything on the cost of inpatients around here, which, since there’s a decent chance my insurance will have me paying a percentage, is really not helpful.
I’m not sure if I need inpatient right now or if a more intensive outpatient thing would be enough. But I’m also not sure if I think that because I’m scared of inpatient and because I’ve had some negative experiences with those in the mental health field.
In the meantime, can you text? There is a text support line I have personally used and had good experience with in the US at 741741. You can Google them. It might help get you to a better state of mind until you can call the facility. The word to begin use to be “Go” but Google says it’s “Home”
Another recommendation: call your insurance company, if you have their name or number. To access my parents’ account, I had to confirm that I was one of the listed members on the account and provide a couple birthdays, and then they were free to give me specific information about the account and my place on it. They should be able to tell you how an inpatient stay would be covered.
Do you have a primary care doctor? Your best bet might be to ask them. Also call or check the website for your health insurance company.
My mom is a doctor of pscyhology and she has worked at more than one mental hospital. Yes, the costs vary wildly, as does the quality of treatment. That is the reason I suggested talking to your primary care: even if they don’t treat mental health issues, many doctors *can* guide you when it comes to mental health care.
Do you have a therapist or counselor? They might be another good resource. I don’t want to presume anything about your situation, but many therapists (like my mom) will operate on a “sliding scale” system, so you pay what you can afford. A therapist can also make recommendations about inpatient care.
I have never been in inpatient care but have known people who have. While you *should* check out the hospital in advance if you can, my mom has flat-out told me that she had patients whose admission to a psychatric hospital saved their life. I have a friend who is schizophrenic and, while he was staying with me, he had a very bad episode in my apartment. (I’m not at liberty to give details, nor do I really want to talk about it.) He landed up in the ER and from there to a psychiatric hospital. It wasn’t the best in the area but he didn’t have great insurance. However, they DID keep him alive and get him the prescriptions he needed to stablize his condition.
I don’t actually have a primary care doctor. When I was in undergrad I just saw the doctors at the student health center, and before that I saw a pediatrician, and now, well. I do have a therapist, though I’ve only been seeing her for a little while. I may very well contact her, but, well, it’s also late at night where I am and I’m trying to find out information preferably as soon as I can.
Can you call a hotline? Again, I don’t want to presume anything by posting links, but there are 24-hour hotlines for pretty much everything. Easy to find with a Google search!
My bad – I missed that you said you needed to be quiet right now because it’s late (I’m pretty sleepy). Some of these resources have chat options as well – if you’re not well at the moment, please reach out in any way that is best and safe for you!
Do you have an emergency number to talk to your therapist? Most have them. There are also suicide hot lines and one text line that can help you stabilize.
Cost wise, it depends on insurance and place. Some pay for most of it. Some places charge reduced rates for people in acute situations. Sometimes you can have your therapist reach out to charities that will help with the first 3 days.
One bit of advice. Be honest about your religious beliefs. Don’t say just wherever. As an atheist put in a very religious hospital, it eventually got grating which can have a negative effect on the speed of your progress. Use your words and say what you are like if you are Christian, but heavy religious influences get on your nerves.
Another thing to be honest about is your mental state, your thoughts, and your feelings. It’s not gonna be easy because you will be so used to keeping how bad it is close to the vest. You will say things you have never said out loud before in your life and things you have never even admitted to yourself. Cull nothing.
Have a list of medications (they will be gotten from their pharmacy so you can’t just give them pills), diagnosis from doctors, pharmacy contact, allergies of both food and medication varieties. Also have a list of phone numbers of friends and family. Have flip flops or the like for the shower, a toothbrush that is not electric, a bra (if you need one) that is not under wire and period needs that you prefer if necessary, prescription glasses if allowed, and a paperback book that they will allow (there are some subjects that they don’t for obvious reasons). Contact someone you trust (or have the doctor to if you aren’t up to it) before you go in to care for pets, water plants, check mail, and whatever things that might cause you stress if you realize it isn’t being done.
I second the motion on being upfront about your religious beliefs. I was in a Catholic facility and one group session per week was with a priest. It was unpleasant.
I don’t have an emergency number for my therapist. I’m pretty stable right now, don’t feel like hurting myself or anything. This morning, though, I was so certain I was going to kill myself that I sobbed as I left my house, thinking it was the last time I was ever going to see it. It has been a day.
As far as I can tell, the facilities around here aren’t religious.
That’s the thing about depression. It’s never constant. It’s an ebb and flow. So is suicidal ideation. I’m glad you’re getting treatment now because the longer it sets, the harder it gets to pull out. Don’t brush this off in the morning when you aren’t as bad as a lot of us made the mistake of doing. We who have been there can tell you how it ends and it’s an outcome you want to avoid.
Even if they aren’t religious, it’s always good to be up front about it. It might inform them on how to work with you best. Some people need heavy religious influences to frame treatment, some want it acknowledged but not harped on, and some want a break from it during treatment. They aren’t mind readers no matter how hard they try to be and need you to fill in the blanks.
Few quick questions. Are you on medication, how long, and did the suicidal ideations start or get worse when you got on it?
although, be aware that they may take your stuff away when you’re admitted. the ward I was admitted to after my attempt last year didn’t allow anything to be brought in, even clothes.
Yeah. A lot of them are like that, but they usually allow most of the things I mentioned. Bras are a maybe, but since you can’t hurt yourself or others with flip flops, they are usually allowed. They are picky about toothbrushes, but you can usually ask what brand is allowed. Glasses are on a case by case basis as well as paperback books (although most seem to have cheesy romance if you ask for a book to read).
I recieved outpatient care for my depression in an inpatient facility. I attended the group sessions daily for about 6 hours but was allowed to return home in the evenings. I suppose it was a bit unconventional, but it worked well for me. I have no idea about the cost because it was fully covered by my father’s insurance. If you feel that you don’t need constant monitoring, that may be an option you can pursue to avoid meal and housings costs that go along with inpatient care.
If you do need monitoring, please don’t let cost keep you from protecting your life. Absolutely research your options as much as possible, but also keep in mind that medical bills can be negotiated and many facilities will work with you to create reasonable repayment plans. If you’re in a place where you are worried about your safety, the most important thing is to take care of yourself.
When I needed to be inpatient and my insurance wouldn’t cover a good portion of it, my therapist at the time advised me to get involuntarily committed. She contacted the local ER and told them she was sending a patient over and would be filing a commitment petition.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go. It was that if you’re involuntarily committed, the county also pays part of the bill for it. And also that the suicidal ideation I was having at the time made it dangerous for me to drive myself to the hospital because it was a very long distance. I didn’t have anyone else who could take me and this made it so the sheriff took me and the hospital was responsible for getting me home.
And if you’re worried about the stigma of being subject to commitment proceedings, don’t. At least for me, once I got to the psych hospital and explained to them that I knew that I had needed to go but had otherwise been unable to and I was willing to stay for treatment, the court proceedings were dropped and my status was changed to voluntary admit.
Part of the bill? So you can have psychosis from your inadequately treated schizophrenia because you can’t afford your meds and they charge you for the admission that they force on you, even partially? That is so not cool.
My experience was heavily negative, but a lot of that had to do with the fact that it was against my will (3 day involuntary hold plus a coerced ‘voluntary’ 4 day stay after the hold ended). If you’re making this choice for yourself you probably won’t be experiencing that as much as I did.
Don’t know much about cost, sorry. Aside from the fact that the place I was in was trying to lengthen my stay so they could milk my insurance.
It depends on the place, really. I’ve been inpatient in three facilities and it varies a lot. In one place the admitting nurse was super judgemental about all the self-inflicted scars I have, which I didn’t appreciate. Same facility, most of the day was spent by oneself or with your potentially crazy-ass roommate, so there wasn’t much to distract someone from their thoughts, including suicidal thoughts.
A different one I was in tried to keep us as busy as possible, so we wouldn’t be alone with our negative thoughts. The third one kicked me out after only like 24 hours, claiming my insurance was refusing to pay for it, which was bull because at the time my grandma had called them and told them she was going to pay the full price for however long I had to be in there to get well.
All of mine were voluntary. Honestly if you have a choice, try to research online the rankings of their inpatient psychiatric facilities if you can. Some places are awful and some are less so.
Oh yeah. You can’t have any stringlike objects with you, such as shoe laces, belts, drawstrings on pants or hoodies, etc. They will take jewelry away from you so leave that at home (you will get them back when you go home though but still). If you wear contacts take them out and bring your glasses since you can’t bring chemicals with you and you won’t know how long you’re staying. BRING BOOKS. It is important for you to keep your mind busy, especially if you end up in a facility with a lot of alone time. This is especially important if you’re in a facility that keeps you in holding for a long time (one time I spent just over 24 hours in the “waiting room” just to be admitted into the ward). Bring a sweater or a hoodie or something because hospitals are COLD. Wear socks too cause again, cold.
Also, *hugs* I hope you get into a better headspace soon. Please be OK.
I know that odds are you are getting treatment right now. I know it’s hard. I know it might get boring. You might be crying or feel numb. Maybe they changed your medicine or the dose and you’re trying to coop with that. Maybe you made a connection with someone else in there or maybe not. Depression always made me loose my appetite, so all the food they gave me always felt like too much until I got used to it. There’s a lot of feelings going on and when you get out it will take time to adjust. Wherever you are, whatever you’re feeling, know that we care. It may not be much but we strangers from across the globe empathize and understand. We don’t judge you for your feelings as many of us have felt the same. I know it’s not much, but it’s something.
And if I actually need to say NSFW after that lead up… really? OK, fine, it is NSFW. and probably NSFL to most people for that matter. Here there be dragonsnaked gay demons pounding it… pounding it… POUNDING IT….
(Because if you think that a Skrawkcab Name is going to fool anyone into thinking you aren’t running an online caSinO, and you are so incredibly careless about it not to notice the potential innuendo in that name, you deserve the mockery you get.)
I can’t think of a joking response to this that isn’t wildly uncool, so… Yeah, I guess it would. Screw it, Howard is now bisexual, and you can’t convince me otherwise.
Ah! The wonders when two socially-anxious, proud and defensive people try to come to terms and establish some kind of interaction groundwork! Poor Carla feels guilty and I think that Ruth doesn’t really know how to say ‘thank you’, let alone reassure her, without it sounding condescending, insincere or rude.
Then Howie jumps in and says possibly the nicest thing that anyone has ever said to Carla in her college life! 😉
He’s sixteen; all he needs is to encounter a tall, attractive female to develop an instant crush. I wonder if Carla is ready to handle the steady drip-drip of awful flowery poetry he’s going to send her? For that matter, I wonder if Ruth is ready for the fact she’s going to have to be the one to give Carla said love-notes?
Something tells me that Billie is going to end up busting something from laughing so hard at both of their reactions to this! 😀
He said she was pretty. That does not automatically lead to unsolicited poetry. Now, if he’d said she was really pretty, we’d have some grounds for the poem theory.
So much tsundere all over this page. These two have centered their entire identities on open hostility towards all, and yet they went to heroic lengths to protect one another. Is there a word for platonic tsundere? Get Leslie on the red phone.
This. Tsundere is a personality type, not a relationship dynamic. People who are tsun are usually tsun in general rather than with only their crush, although there are exceptions. (And some characters, like say Hitsugaya from Bleach, are tsun in a general way but then crank it up to 11 around the person they like.)
What I love most about this one is that Ruth clearly did not expect any sort of apology from Carla – whether because she’s an asshole or because her actions, while endangering Ruth, also most likely saved her from suicide. Ruth doesn’t expect Carla to be anything but herself. CARLA is the one putting pressure on herself for endangering Ruth while trying to help her.
Goooood, Carla, goooood. Let the kindness flow through youuuu…
And I got a new trope launched today. Which is… oh, sweet lady Eris, I just realized how lame I sound even mentioning that. Never mind, I don’t need a distraction that badly.
CARLA OH MY GOD
Like, she clearly isn’t dismissing either Ruth’s depression or her domestic issues, she’s trying to say “you look better than when I found you so I’m calling this one a win” but it comes out in the WORST WAY POSSIBLE but I’m pretty sure that RUTH GETS WHAT SHE IS TRYING TO SAY and just AWWWWWWWWWW
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She’s a goddess.
She’s a Killer Queen
Gunpowder, gelatine
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime
(That actually sounds rather like Carla, now that I think about it. Maybe Freddie Mercury was a time traveler and DoA fan.)
makes sense
Her and GlaDOS. That song’s going to pop into my head whenever I think of them.
Carla: I’m a bongo,
I’m a lover,
I’m a child,
I’m a mother,
I’m a sinner,
I’m a saint,
I do not feel ashamed!
I’m your hell,
I’m your dream,
I’m nothing in between;
You know you wouldn’t want it any other way!
She’s drunk Mike. An asshole, but nice
Ruth is a pretty asshole in love with another pretty asshole. She shouldn’t judge Carla pretty assholiness.
Assholiness.
The status of being a goddess and an ass at the same time; q.v. Carla. 🙂
this feels traditional
Drunk Mike actually isn’t an asshole at all. He’s exceptionally polite and well-mannered.
He says he’s going to be an asshole when he’s sober though
Polite but still honest.
Carla’s hair is so pretty. I love that shade of red.
…WOW OKAY DIDN’T SEE THAT COMING
(hoping not to see Howard coming either)
((I mean, look, 16))
Howard has good taste.
Howard’s taste is “boobies.”
*hand does so-so motion* Carla’s awesome and pretty, but she’s in the lower 50th percentile for the floor in the “boobies” category if that’s what he was looking for.
He does seem both scared and oddly attracted to the aura of hate and contempt she carries around…probably comes from living in a disciplined household…just saying…
Well he’s not wrong.
Nor is she.
Nor is she.
Echo!
Narcissus?
Zeus!
Kronos!
Uranus!
Eureka!!
Bastet!
Tetsuoooooo!
Kanedaaaaa!
Chief?
Crom!
Doctor Scott!
Janet!
Loki
NORA
SNAAAAAKE
Bob
KHAAAAAAAN!
Gary?
Ocelot!
Donkey!
Mr. Krabs!
ZA WARUDO!
STELLLLLAAAAAAA!
SMEEEEEE!
Hooowwwloldisshe?
She’s a sophomore, and she took a year off last year (I wonder why *cough*SRS*cough*), so unless she entered college earlier than is typical in the US today, she’s at least 20.
Also, called it. Not that I was alone in that, though.
“took a year off”? Carla?
I don’t think so. The other sophomores seemed to know and remember her. Why do you think she took a year off?
AFAIK, she’s most likely 19.
Uhm, OK, I think I was confusing her with someone else. I could have sworn that her Walkypedia entry mentioned taking a year off.
Oh, I see where I fucked up, it says she’s a returning student, which I interpreted as meaning “she left school for a semester or more, and then re-enrolled”, rather than the more likely intended interpretation of “she’s in her second or later year at the university”. I R Dah Dummaass.
In my experience, those things are in no way mutually exclusive.
She to be both.
dammit, html
She chooses to be both.
She is very much both.
I clapped once to myself upon reading the last panel. It’s midnight and I’m in the library.
NO, YOU SHUT UP!!!
I was going to make a comment about Howard finding Ruth pretty and having feelings.
I bet he has a thing for tall girls. And if he didn’t, he does now.
He watches GoT specifically for Brienne.
There are other reasons to watch Game of Thrones?
*singsong voice*: Someone has a cru-ush!
Careful though, Howard. This one can crush you.
It’s interesting to see how Carla might handle a guy like Howard. I don’t mean take any .crush seriously. He’ll see soon enough, I hope, that she just acts that way to.everyone.
I don’t know if anyone in DofA has complemented her appearance. And he’s young and naive enough to have it come out completely differently than, say, Joe delivering it.
Hopefully she has a similar attitude as Billie
http://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-3/04-just-hangin-out-with-my-family/leer/
Personally I want to see Carla take Howard under her wing.
And then Jeph Jaques sues…
Butt Stew v. Diaper Eater (2017)
Hee hee! I remember Billie saying that about Howie’s leer, but forgot Ruth called dibs.
billie is weird. that said, the last panel is adorable
OH MY GOD I MEANT CARLA
CHRIST I’M AWFUL
I came here to post about it being sort of awkward for Howard to like a redhead with glasses, and you showed why quite well.
I came in three minutes too late to make a game of thrones joke…
It is never to late to make a game of thrones joke.
jeez carla what the hell
She is a pretty huge asshole. 😛
You forgot a comma…
NO YOU DIDN’T
Carla…are you intentionally invoking the ‘oh you don’t look like you have a mental illness’ excuse that will send the fanbase into a rage? Because that is not smart.
She clearly feels guilty but is to *anime term for a person who can’t admit their true feelings* to apologize.
…is that a word filter in play?
No? I mean It could be? It would be funny if it was.
Lemme check: tsundere.
I-it’s not like I care about your mental health, baka!
^This. Her facial expression says that she doesn’t know how to say it without being an asshole.
*holds up my “Anti Tsundere Trope Squad” card like a holy symbol* Back, foul archetype! the power of healthy communication compels you!
I don’t think so, since what Carla is not apologizing for is reporting her metal state. I think she’s more saying “you look fine, by which I mean not dead, so I’m not gong to apologize for telling someone about your issues.”
Right. It wouldn’t make sense for Carla to insist Ruth doesn’t have a problem when she was the one loudly proclaiming she has a serious problem. This is clearly her saying, “It doesn’t look like I ruined your life”.
Yup, that’s what I think too. It’s her trying to convince herself that she did the right thing and didn’t as Billie contends put her in a potentially dangerous bad place.
I think she might be trying to say that Ruth needed what she did, and is getting better.
She just feels the urge to say it with a lot of assholishness.
Given her expression in panel 4, I’d say she’s conflicted about how much of an asshole she needs to be to properly hide her concern and/or guilt
Definitely. She still associates being seen to care as an invitation for violence, but she still definitely does care, which leads to internal conflicts like this when she’s super worried about someone.
To be fair her girlfriend has been giving her shit for saving her life for the last couple weeks.
More like the last 2-3 days, in universe.
Ruth almost smiled in the third panel. Don’t tell me she didn’t.
er, fourth. *sighs and makes a note to get coffee tomorrow*
Oh good, I’m not seeing things. …Well, maybe I am, but it doesn’t count if other people see them, too, right? Right?
Depends. Do you also see the Purple Mecha Turtles?
…No?
Wait, why would it depend? I can see things that are actually there. Real things are visible too.
*plays Van Halen’s “Finish What Ya Started” on the hacked Muzak*
Any Venn Diagram can prove this conclusively. 😛
(is it me, or does she have to go through a lot more feels these days? she certainly doesn’t seem 100% happy about billie’s anger over her actions (given her defensiveness around Ruth and assuming Ruth will snap at her), and is bottling it up with even more of her usual awesomeness and personality (and yes, I’m being serious, it’s cool). hmm…)
Also, Becky needs to get here to start the redhead singularity.
Yup, I think Billie exploding at her really shook her up and now she’s doubting whether or not she did the right thing and put Ruth in a better situation and is handling her guilt and worry for Ruth extremely poorly because she is scared and earnestly wants to know what Ruth thinks about her actions and how she’s doing, but really doesn’t want to be seen as caring like that.
Huh, I read it at her intentionally saying the most obnoxious thing to say to somebody with an invisible illness, like, to throw Ruth off the track that she has feelings/concerns like a vulnerable person. Like, “see, I’m a total jerk, I don’t care! You look fine to me, I know exactly how you feel, everything is part of God’s plan, blehh!”
howard has a little cruuuush
(by which I mean Carla will CRUSH HIM)
H: Um… umm… would you… watch Game Of Thrones with me?
C: …
…
…
Sure, I got HBO in my room!
H: (I love you even more, now!)
C: WHAT?!?!
H: Um.. umm… Oberyn Martel!!
C: That magnificent bastard!
H: *whew*
I think they could make a good couple.
ah yes, an adult lesbian and a horny teenage boy. tale as old as time, apparently.
Ah yes. Act like an asshole long enough, and eventually you start forgetting how not being one works.
Carla might need to practice a bit more
The question is, who wants to volunteer?
Howard doesn’t count.
Holy shit, the redheads with glasses have taken over the strip!
yessss yessssss as it is meant to be
We just need Becky to come back wearing the pair Leslie took from Robin
she needs hipster geek style glasses
Carla, that…that was rude. But I see you’ve realized that, so.
Howie has a cruuuuuush.
Most of us do. Although I have to admit, Me and I have been assholes as of recent times
What about myself?
Not you. Go hide.
Judging by her expressions throughout this strip, she seems to be having a *lot* of difficulty figuring out what to say.
And then saying the wrong things anyway.
The “my persona is always being a massive asshole” is clashing pretty hard with the “I actually do care about you and mean well” really really hard here.
I’ve played to much Persona 5, so now I’m just imagining Carla going into battle using. A giant asshole as her fighting demon.
rofl
Well, uh, at least she wouldn’t be using Mara in that case.
Seriously, pretty sure Mara is the true reason those games need an M rating.
Is Howie having a crush?
I can’t wait to see how Asshole Grandpa will react to that. /sarcasm
Oh gods, he’s going to out her and I’m dreading it.
Let’s see:
Mary already knows (which isn’t ideal, but see below);
Ruth obviously knows, who may have told Billie, who may in turn have outed Carla to the dorm hall in her quest to neutralize Mary; in any event, they wouldn’t care;
Her parents already know, since they’re paying for their daughter to reside in a girls dorm;
We don’t know if the school knows, because the Ruttens could have just said “give Carla her own dorm”; but the Ruttens are also rich, famous and love their daughter, so the school wouldn’t do anything with the information;
All that’s left are major news outlets and the internet, but, again, the Ruttens are rich, famous and love their daughter and made their fortune as a tech company – they should be able to distract the news outlets and prevent a dox; again, not ideal, but wealth has its privileges.
All in all, it seems that Carla should be able to survive what Clint has to offer with minimal or no scars, provided I’m not utterly mistaken about the Ruttens.
I got the strong impression that Carla isn’t closeted. She doesn’t mention it (as it’s usually irrelevant), but she doesn’t dress to hide it, either, and she generally gives zero fucks regarding who knows or what they think about it.
Sal found out without Carla telling her. And none of the other girls blinked an eye at the ‘hate crime’ yelling. I have a difficult time believing the other girls don’t know – at least most of them besides Joyce, Becky, and maaaaaaybe Dina and Amber.
I think Diana is likely currently oblivious because no one has outright mentioned it in her presence, and when she does find out is likely to be unable to fathom why anyone would care.
I suspect the older girls mostly know. I doubt any of our main viewpoint characters do, unless we’ve seen them learn or reveal it on screen – which I think limits it to Mary, Billie and Sal of the freshmen.
I assume the university knows and informed Ruth as part of her job.
It appears the conversation Carla has already had in her head with Ruth is quite different than the one that’s happening. When I do that it goes about that badly too.
Same. I’ve rehearsed multiple possibilities for conversations before having them, only to find it goes in a direction I didn’t anticipate at all.
She reminds him of Brienna of Tarth.
Comic Reactions:
Panel 1: Guilt? What guilt? Who said anything about feeling guilty and worrying about Billie being right and Ruth being really fucked over by my actions? I’m here because… uh… conquering Hell. Yup, definitely conquering hell and not at all because I’m worried about Ruth and want to check in on her.
Oh Carla, one day you’ll learn that sometimes it is safe to show you care about people.
Panel 2: The Carla attempts an apology. Ooh, critical miss.
Panel 3: I think it’s absolutely fair to interpret her as being shitty to Ruth about her not looking mentally ill, but I dunno, given her reactions to Ruth’s suicidal depression before, I doubt that’s her intention here.
Instead, I think this is about her trying to assuage her guilt and convince herself that Billie was wrong about her putting Ruth in a worse place because of her intervention. So I think her saying “you look fine to me” is her trying to convince herself of that.
Well, I intervened, but you’re up and about and not staring at a wall, so maybe I didn’t ruin your life after all, not that I care, but if I did, this would totally be when I felt better, if I wasn’t still worried about not seeing the signs of intense depression before or my internal guilt. Not that I am.
Panel 4: And yeah, it’s not helping her with her guilt at all. She knows she’s going to have to apologize for taking a big risk with her life and safety even if she thinks and it turns out she did the right thing.
This is just her drawing that out because she still associates vulnerability like that as an invitation to violence. Like, if people know she’s a softie who cares about others, they can use that to hurt her. Which is something she’ll learn to shed in time.
Panel 5: Oh dear, Howie, there’s no there there. You’re way too not a girl for Carla and she is likely just as sex/touch-averse as her Walkyverse counterpart.
Though yes, she is a very pretty complete asshole. A good person, but an intentional, deliberate asshole.
What are you talking about, Carla does not feel guilty, feeling guilty is for losers, you are the one feeling guilty also you shut up!
I love how Ruth takes it all in stride. I’m pretty sure she’s getting pretty well where Carla is coming from.
“I love how Ruth takes it all in stride.” Especially considering what Ruth has been through in the last few hours. And as several have pointed out, it’s to soon to be the meds. I choose to believe it’s because she’s so relieved to have things out in the open now.
That’s a thing. There’s so much tension and stress in being closeted about sexuality, about mental health, about everything that when you’re finally out of the closet it can feel like a massive relief because you’re no longer using a chunk of your energy being hypervigilant about being caught out.
Then there’s the matter of how her asshole grandfather left – she was clearly stressed about his reaction, and it seems to have gone better than expected. Still disastrously, but there’s a surprisingly good emotional high to “less catastrophic”.
Agreed on all points.
Totally not guilty. Totally not apologizing. Baka.
I love paying attention to Ruth’s eyes. Still bright and shiny even after… whatever this was XD
Also, I couldn’t help but think of why Howard was hiding and then (after thinking of the boys I know his age) laughing my butt off XD
no way, really? you think it’s that.
*snrt* BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
it may never be a thing, but I still find his crush on her utterly adorable. It feels so clean compared to his constant search for televised boobs.
Yeah I get the impression Ruth knows Carla ultimately did the right thing, even if some of the consequences could be potentially shitty. If someone is suicidal, they need help, and that help may not always result in happyfuntimes at first, but in the long run, it is still better than being dead. :/
I do think Carla feels guilty too though. I suspect when she got Ruth help she wasn’t thinking, “She needs help damn the consequences,” she was thinking, “She needs help,” and didn’t even think about the consequences. What little we’ve seen of Carla’s family (esp from the bonus patreon strips) seems to indicate she comes from a fairly safe, accepting, loving home environment and it may not have occurred to her that someone in trouble might NOT benefit from needing to go home. Ultimately they both dodged a bullet in that Ruth hasn’t been forced to go back home (although time will tell what Sir is gonna do to hold this over her head in the future).
A long time ago, someone on a forum I frequented posted a suicide note. By complete luck, I was able to figure out exactly where they were posting from and, with support from others on the forum who had personal experience with this, I called their local police, who actually found them.
But I always worried I did the wrong thing. I hadn’t realized the person had mentioned in the note feeling like they wanted to harm others too, and while it seemed to me they were saying they did not want to actually do that, that of course is what the police focused on. But in talking to the police, it seemed like ALL they were focused on, not that the person was depressed and suicidal. They sounded almost…overconfident that they understood what was going on, even telling me the person was probably lying to us about their gender because…they mentioned it a lot in conversation?
But of course, I ultimately don’t know. What I do know is that a year later, this person came back, angry at us, said they “got in trouble,” and while they had been in a hospital for a bit and didn’t seem actively suicidal, they didn’t seem much better honestly. I never heard from them again. I don’t know what else I could have done. I’d looked into other possible options before calling the police, but in the end, the police were really the only option. I just hope they actually got them real help and not a criminal record.
Angry Person is still alive.
That’s a plus.
Hi. You did the right thing. It’s okay that they couldn’t/can’t accept the only help that you could access in that situation.
It was the right thing to do, even if they can never accept your attempt to help, even if it ended up doing more harm than good, and/or even if they’re mad forever.
You only had one way that might help, so you did that. The other option was, what, do nothing? You knew that doing nothing definitely wouldn’t help, so you picked the option that had any chance of helping.
The cops should definitely be better trained in how to deal with people who are having mental issues. It’s a thing, and people are working on it. That’s not on you, though.
Anger is often part of depression, and of healing from depression. I hope they’ll be alright, too.
Sorry Howard but I don’t think she’s into minors.
Or boys.
Or anyone.
She’s ace, but also homoromantic. Capable of liking someone, but not boys, no. She’s exclusively romantically attracted to girls.
Just out of curiosity, since I haven’t read anything from any other universes yet. Who is Carla usually paired with? If she’s paired with anyone.
Malaya
Out of curiousity, was it ever actually stated anywhere that Carla exclusively likes girls? I know sexuality is consistent across universes, but I was always under the impression that Carla in Shortpacked! was equally repulsed by both men and women and liked Malaya 100% for her personality, that Malaya’s gender was immaterial to her, and in DoA I don’t recall her ever showing an interest in either gender either.
Either that or I just missed/forgot something along the way.
Towards the end, Ultra Car refers to herself as a homoromantic ace trans-chassis woman and we know she was sex repulsed from her relationship with Malaya. That would translate to Carla being a homoromantic ace trans lady who is likely to be sex repulsed.
she referred to herself in SP as an asexual homoromantic trans-chassis lady.
Word of Willis confirmed homoromantic asexual.
Also, there’s this comic:
http://www.dumbingofage.com/2016/comic/book-6/03-when-god-closes-the-door/spilled/
….You know, looking over that strip, it’s true. I don’t think we know of any girls on that floor who are homophobic but Mary.
Well Mary is the purposefully unlikable anti-Joyce. That being said Joyce was fairly hmophobic before having the biggest character arc in the comic so far.
Mary’s a decent foil to a lot of characters. Fun stuff for Willis’s former would have been dream girl.
But really, look at this floor:
– Joyce loves Becky and is very much down with LGBT+ causes now.
– Dorothy is pro-LGBT+ rights and trying to help Becky.
– Billie is bi
– Sal’s best friend is Marcie, who is bi, and she knows that and is okay with that (albeit, she seems to think her taste in girls leaves something to be desired). Also friendly with Carla and generally opposed to asshole bigotry on principle.
– Sarah is generally pretty pro-LGBT+ although more practical and surly about it, she’s also friends with Dina (arguably BEST friends with Dina) and friendly-ish with Becky
– Sierra is bi.
– Becky is gay.
– Dina is some form of into girls.
– Amber is definitely pro-LGBT+ and willing to defend that. With table flipping. Because she loves Ethan, who is gay, and is friends with Mike, who is Not Straight.
– Mandy is bi
– Grace is bi
– Agatha was helping hide Becky.
– Bloodrose was seen listening to Roz, and we know Roz was trying to get LGBT+ folks and their allies listening to that bit about Robin. Plus Carla’s statement.
– Meredith seemed upset about Robin being outed and asked if Roz did it. Also Carla’s statement.
– Carla is trans, homoromantic, and ace.
– Ruth is bi.
– Rachel is pretty pro-LGBT+ – she’s friendly with Grace, she seemed to be okay with a girl having a crush on Ruth (albeit with elementary school level teasing) and her only objections to Ruth/Billie were the uneven power dynamic. Plus she seems allergic to Mary’s bullshit in general.
– Roz definitely cares about LGBT+ issues, whatever you want to say about her methods
– Other Rachel likewise seems decently pro-LGBT – she hangs out with Agatha and Roz (allies) and while she made fun about Stockholm Syndrome, didn’t object to Carla ‘liking’ another girl and definitely didn’t back up Mary ever, nor did she blink at Carla yelling about hate crime. Plus what Carla says about not imagining anybody else being homophobic. Carla seems to have a fairly decent bigot sense.
Mary really is the lone bigot here. Good luck with that.
This reminds me, I’ve been wondering about one thing: It’s been stated that sexuality is consistent across the universes (even if specific relationships differ) but I don’t recall Danny ever being bi in the Walkyverse? I read the Danny strips a while ago though so I could just be forgetting.
I suppose one could argue he still could’ve been bi in the Walkyverse but just never had any opportunity to explore it and therefore never really realized it himself in that universe?
We found out he was bi in the Dumbiverse, but it is retroactively canon in the Walkyverse as well. Apparently he discovered it upon meeting Walky and realizing he had similar attraction to him he did to Sal.
Honestly, although I’ve gotten used to it, it feels like kind of a cheesy out to me – Everyone has the same sexuality as they did in the Walkyverse , but they could actually be bi and just have never revealed or realized it.
Who doesn’t that apply to? Other than those already known to be bi, of course.
People who have stated their sexuality on screen, like UC, Becky, Ethan, Robin, etc. as something else?
They are all bi.
(this simplifies my life no end.)
ah, let the kid have a crush
*Looking at Carla’s face in panel 4*
She cares!
I have three reactions:
1. Carla will neither apologize nor allow Ruth to thank her. Which is what Ruth seems to be trying to do.
2. Aahhhh, Howie has a crush on Carla.
3. Oohhh wait, Howie has a crush on Carla. Who isn’t interested in boys…hopefully he doesn’t get that poor little heart of his broken.
#3 – eh, getting your heart broken is a formative learning experience. It happens to everyone. Best it happen while you’re young so you quickly learn it isn’t the end of the world.
…. okay, I was going to make a joke about asshole’s not being pretty, but then I decided that would be kink-shaming.
…..
…. also, I would have needed to somehow rimshot my rimshot.
…. and now I have to rimshot rimshotting my rimshot. CURSE YOU AND CURSE YOU AGAIN, RECURSION!
Boooooo! Get off the stage!
Need some tomatoes or (as the French seem to prefer) flour and eggs? Perhaps spoiled yogurt like the Greeks throw?
Also crimp shaming.
“I can be both” is my motto as well. I can never work out what the two options are though. Pretty isn’t one, unfortunately.
I’m sure that’s not true.
Does anyone else ever wish the comment section here was a forum? I mean, obviously the comment system works pretty well as it; I think I’m just partial to forums.
we have a forum on discord. Maybe someone could send you an invitation.
And thanks to Cerberus getting me to ship Carla/Sal (not that I needed much pushing), this strip caused this reference to pop in my head.
Carla: Sal, I’m in love with you.
Sal: Yeah, well, yer also shitfaced.
Carla: I CAN BE BOTH.
😀
Nothing like Carla trying to confess while Sal’s helping her home after she got drunk off her face.
Also – shipper head canons. All your fault. Not fair.
What. I’m not going to say I’m sorry. 😉
That’s fine but I want it on record that it is YOUR fault I am coming up with shit like Carla looking into ways to trick out Sal’s bike online when she wants to come up with something she’ll like.
Sounds like Strong Female Protagonist crossover…
Haven’t heard it, but heard good things, and I therefore approve.
*Haven’t READ it.
BAKA! *blush*
You don’t need to say you’re sorry.
(something wrong somewhere)
I currently haz ALL. THE. RAGE.
People have already said this, and I’m sure many more will do so after me, but it is SO NOT OKAY to tell people that they “look fine” or “seem okay.”
(Warning: RANT upcoming!)
This is a major trigger for me because I get it on two different fronts. First, I have serious medical problems that are not usually visibly evident (I have a blood-clotting disorder and a deep-vein thrombosis in my inferior vena cava, which leads to severe circulation problems – I don’t want to bore anyone but I’m happy to talk more specifically if anyone here is curious.) When I was an undergrad, I *literally* almost died and missed about a month of school, coming back to finish the semester while in near-constant pain. I needed extra help from my professors and my friends/classmates. My *professors* were great, but I lost almost ALL my friends when I asked them for notes I’d missed and help with assignments. My best friend at the time left me a HORRIBLE voicemail saying that I was “taking advantage” of everyone to “get ahead” in the program, and no one, including him, believed I’d been sick because I “looked fine.”
*RAGEFACE*
I am also clinically depressed. It’s not something I hide, but it’s not something I exactly wear on my sleeve either. But when I tell people, they often say things like, “But you seem to have so much energy! You seem so friendly! You don’t look depressed!” Yeah, @$$hole, you don’t see me on the days when I literally can’t get out of bed (for anyone who is interested, yes I am in treatment and on medication, and my clinical depression is at least partially based on my medical condition). Even my partner, who mostly super-supportive, sometimes asks me if I’m “sure” I’m not bipolar because sometimes I apparently “work really hard and become very anxious” and other times I “curl up into a ball.” YES, I AM sure and so are all of the therapists I’ve seen. Working a lot sometimes is my way of trying to combat my depression and making sure I don’t fall TOO far behind in my profession and my career. It also means that I hopefully have some “wiggle room” when I get triggered by something and land up staying in bed for an entire weekend. Armchair diagonsis for the win, I guess? I cope with my depression the best I can, but I guess I don’t “look” depressed enough sometimes for people to take it seriously, even the people who know me best.
*RAGEFACE*
Sorry for all the venting but this, again, IS one of my major triggers. Telling an unwell person they “look fine,” IMHO, is just about one of the WORST and most HURTFUL things anyone can say to them.
*Appropriate gesture of support* I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve to deal with assholes like that. And I hope you’ve since found better friends.
Thank you! 😀
And yes, I have. Not all of my college friends were butts; my roomate used to smuggle me food from the dining hall when my legs hurt too much for me to walk. 🙂 I found that the people who stood by and believed me were my true friends.
And I shouldn’t be too hard on my partner; he is going through a LOT of his own stuff as well recently. He *thinks* he is helping me by saying that I might be bipolar and that maybe I need different meds or something; he has also been feeling pretty useless right now (laid off from a career-path job, lots of family drama, some recent deaths, and more) so he wants to feel like he can “help” with something. But it’s not helpful to question my illness. I have told him this and he *has* backed off. 🙂
However, in general, I do NOT like how people who apparently “look fine” keep getting challenged about whether or not they are really unwell. There are signs in the NYC subway reminding people that “not all disabilities are visible” – because people who use the seats designated for the differently-abled are sometimes told (I have experienced and seen this) that they “shouldn’t” be sitting there.
NOT COOL.
My personal experience aside, Carla’s reaction represents an ableist ideology that REALLY needs to stop.
You’re welcome!
I’m glad you’ve made better friends and that some of your friends at the time were good to you.
Aww, I hope your partner feels better. It HAS happened that bipolar and depression have gotten misdiagnosed for each other, and sometimes people do need a med adjustment, but it’s important to respect when a person is sure.
Yeah, I get that. I knew a woman once who had to swap between a wheelchair, a walker, and a cane. She once brought up how people never believed people in wheelchairs could walk or they were ‘faking’ if they were. Such as when people ignored disabled customers in stores, forcing them to stand (often painfully) and grab what they needed from the high shelf, only to listen to folks making stupid jokes about ‘miracles’. Fuck THAT noise.
Those kinda of jokes make me want to SCREAM. I’ve had to use a cane/wheelchair/crutches at various points and have had a handicap placard on-and-off even though I CAN walk and LOOK like nothing is wrong with me (I’m young and have no visible outward injuries). But I have a connective tissue disorder that causes chronic pain and sometimes I can walk around the block just fine but other days even standing up hurts!
WAY too often people assume that anyone in handicap parking who looks like they can walk just fine shouldn’t be there, not realizing that limiting pain may be the reason for the parking placard or wheelchair, not physical lack of ability to walk.
*Appropriate gesture of support* I’m so sorry that happened and yeah, I don’t think it was Carla’s intention to be shitty here, but that doesn’t mean what she said isn’t super shitty and evocative of terrible things that have been thrown at folks just trying to get by.
And yeah, that whole discounting of mental health because you manage to be functional is really frustrating. I’ve gotten it a lot about my DID because I am stabilized and functional and then folks get shitty later when it becomes really apparent that I wasn’t making up the DID because somehow I “hid it from them”.
So I guess what I’m saying is *hugs offered*.
Thank you! 😀 *virtual hugs to you as well if you’d like*
*hugs*
Yikes. I’m sorry you went through that shit. *offers hugs*
*TW: suicide *
After I returned to high school after a suicide attempt, a friend of mine gestured across his wrist with a finger and said, “You know it’s down the road and not across the street, right?”
Fuck that guy. We weren’t friends after that.
*End TW*
I have a friend whose ex husband had fibromyalgia. He caught so much flak from people for using motorized carts in stores. I remember one asshole yelling at him that he clearly didn’t need the cart because he got up from it long enough to try on shoes and walk down the aisle in them. A mutual friend would snidely comment behind his back that she knew someone else with fibromyalgia and they didn’t need a motorized cart.
Trying to convince people that you really are ill can be just as exhausting as the illness itself. It’s maddening having to convince people, not to give you sympathy or extra help, but just to accept that you’re ill and leave you to taking care of yourself.
Yeah, F%&K that guy. Who SAYS that?!?! 🙁
I had a high-school friend with fibromyalgia and she went through a lot as well. She was utterly gorgeous and visibly “looked healthy.” It never occured to me to doubt that she had a serious health problem and I could never quite believe it when other people did.
Ironically, when I came back to school after being so sick as an undergrad, I was prepared to have to explain the heck out of myself to my professors. (I disappeared for about a month with no explanation – I was too sick and in too much pain to really email or call my profs. It took close to another 6 months for me to actually have a diagnosis, because it VERY rare for an 18 year old – my age at the time – to clot the way I did. I’m pretty sure I’m in medical journals and texbooks!). I was terrified and ashamed of talking to my professors. However, THEY were wonderful and understanding. It was my so-called “friends” who weren’t. I really did get exhausted trying to prove to them that I was unwell, and soon just gave it – and them – up. 🙁
Ableist nonsense REALLY needs to stop!!!!!
If there is a happy ending here, it’s that I am now a college prof. myself and I always try SUPER hard to be understanding and approachable when I have students who are dealing with challenges. I have actually told many of my students the story of my own background to, hopefully, help them realize that they don’t have to be ashamed or afraid.
People give post-secondary professors a bad rap. I’m sure some are awful, but all of mine have been very generous and understanding regarding health issues when I’ve talked to them. Professors can be some of the nicest, most intelligent, most generous people when it comes to things like that. In my experience, they generally DO want you to pass and they do care. They won’t hound you for it though, you have to come to them.
Well that’s a whole bunch of crap. I hit a vein going across just fine and left a literally bloody mess in my bathroom. Yeah, that guy doesn’t deserve to be your friend. I hope you’re in a better headspace now with less-shitty friends.
I totally feel you. I have crippling depression that is currently making it difficult to work.
Plus, I have horrific back pain because of my scoliosis, arthritis, and Fibromyalgia.
I *know* I don’t look sick. I look perfectly normal. But that’s why it’s called “invisible illnesses.” There are so many days that I never get out of my pajamas. I stay indoors all the time. But sure, I look fine when I actually get out of the house. This is such BS.
I don’t care if Carla didn’t mean anything by it. You just do not say that crap. Especially to a potentially suicidal person.
Just wanted to offer sympathy and internet hugs. I have an invisible illness (Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome) as well that causes chronic pain and basically is a daily issue, and I HATE it when people say “You look like you’re feeling better today!” Even if I know they mean well, it’s super dismissive and makes me feel like they’re trying to convince themselves I’m feeling better so they don’t have to feel guilty/worried about how I’m feeling.
Which, it kinda seems is what Carla is doing here. I don’t think she’s trying to imply Ruth is all better but she clearly feels guilty about what she did after what Billie said, and is trying to reassure herself that she did the right thing by pointing out that Ruth “looks fine” now.
I feel you there. I’ve got lupus and I know my mom means well when she says I’m looking better today, or acting like I have more energy, but it’s just like… in this moment, yes, maybe, but this is the minority of moments. Like I’m feeling shitty and somehow managed to power through it better than usual today. “Fine” is…… eh.
I love Carla but yeah, it’s probably a guilt reaction and better words could definitely be chosen.
Also I feel you on shitty college friends. When I was in college, one of my room mates made a joke about my boyfriend at the time being “whipped” because he’d drop me off in front of my apartment before he went to go park so I wouldn’t have to walk as far (parking was usually a mess and at night the only open spots were up a steep hill, pretty far away).
I tried to explain to her that it was because I was in PAIN, not because I was lazy, but I hadn’t been diagnosed yet then so people REALLY didn’t believe me. Of course the summer after that (even though I still didn’t have a diagnosis for why I kept getting injured), I ended up getting an MRI on my hip that showed I’d been walking around with a giant labral tear in my hip socket and needed surgery to repair it. Did my room mate ever apologize for not believing me about my pain? Of course not.
Nothing like a pretty asshole.
Dude. NOT okay.
Can we not with that kind of language?
Don’t use that word.
Poor Howard, he always seem to fall for the lesbians, then again I always seem to end up finding out that the many of the 2D girls I like are lesbian.
Now can we get to the meeting where Ruth starts beating on students and screaming them into submission? They’ve seen her in a moment of weakness and she’s going to have to make examples of them in a process. Fear must be restored. Ruth cannot be loved so she must be feared even if she’s avoiding the Machiavelli rule about not being hated.
Whoops, didn’t mean to post this as a response.
I’m thinking it’s more likely that she lets it be open season for venting. Since, y’know, she doesn’t want the job anyway and so possibly doesn’t care as much about whether the school’s definition of order is restored. Basically, a type of “let’s get the Airing of Grievances out of the way” sort of thing.
Machiavelli: Why not both?
He’s fallen for Billie who is bi and Carla, a homoromantic ace. Carla might refer to herself as a gay ace or an ace lesbian, but that’s only one.
all respect to lesbians, but I know that feel, dude. *gesture of support*. Doesn’t help that I absolutely love women with pixie cuts.
Ahh, Carla. I know that struggle. It’s a gift and a curse, really.
She’s you.
She’s me.
She’s anything you wanna be.
*Knocks on fourth wall.*
Carla, quick! Make a pie-zooka for Howie! I’ll explain later!
Anyone else think this could be a callback – though Ruth was far enough gone, she may genuinely not remember it – to “I’m fine”?
(and that horrifying little imitation-human ‘smile’)
Divergent jokes never get old.
Unlike that franchise’s premise.
Two paths diverged in a wood and, needless to say, I never ran into Divergent.
(I really hope I made this joke correctly.)
Nor do Anna Madrigal references. No wait, those were always old.
Poor poor Carla. You don’t understand. Your wacky revenge won’t work against Ruth because she’ll just remove your femurs and then how will you rollerskate? Well, cybernetics, probably, but that’s how archenemies begin.
Tonight I was talking to a friend of mine. She went to bed and I switched to Dumbing of Age to enjoy the latest one. I sent her a long text that started out “I wish I could tell u about my favorite webcomic. It’s so good, but I think u wouldnt like it…” I covered a bit on the primus and how it shows good Christians, bad Christians, other beliefs, depression, and other mental health issues. I ended it saying that it also showed various LGBTQ+ very well “…which is the reason I haven’t shared it with u. :\”
She is a good person, but she doesn’t approve of people who are not cis heterosexuals because of how she was raised and what she was taught through her religion. It stang a bit I won’t lie, but I know she is a good person and just about as close as I will get to an understanding person close to where I live. Anybody who has read previous posts by me knows some of the things that have happened to me when I told somebody too much or they otherwise found out…
So here I am saying that if you decided to read the comic after all, and happen to stumble into the comments, this was the day I told you. Those quotes are from our real conversation. This is how I felt. And if you ever see this (even if it’s a while down the road or we aren’t still friends when you do), I’m proud of you for reading it. 🙂
“appropriate gesture of support” :/
Good luck!
*hugs*
I hope this goes well. And if your friend is reading this: Hello! Welcome to the board.
#nobadChristians
(so i hope)
Hey, so does anyone know how much inpatient mental health facilities generally cost? I know there are probably a million factors, but just like a ballpark would be helpful. I do have health insurance, but it’s not great insurance, so I don’t know how much it will do.
Also, if anyone has any experience with inpatient, positive or negative, and would like to share, I’d be interested. (Imagine that this was earlier in Ruth’s arc so that it’s more relevant to the comic.)
I don’t have personal experience, but they’ve helped a number of friends I’ve been close to.
I’m not sure about cost, but if you’re at a point where you are seriously considering you might need it, it’s probably worth it.
I’ve heard good things and bad things, but from what I’ve gathered, there is usually more good than bad.
I would strongly consider it and research your insurance policy and what it covers as well as the costs of inpatients in your area.
I was trying to look more into my insurance policy, but, well, it’s through my mom, and I got locked out of the account in my attempts to answer the security questions (her high school has changed names over the years).
I can’t find anything on the cost of inpatients around here, which, since there’s a decent chance my insurance will have me paying a percentage, is really not helpful.
I’m not sure if I need inpatient right now or if a more intensive outpatient thing would be enough. But I’m also not sure if I think that because I’m scared of inpatient and because I’ve had some negative experiences with those in the mental health field.
Awww, I’m sorry to hear your experiences haven’t gone well. Have you tried calling the inpatient facility directly? They may be able to help you.
WRT finding out the cost.
I probably should. I will in a few hours, once I’m not somewhere I need to be quiet.
Good luck!
In the meantime, can you text? There is a text support line I have personally used and had good experience with in the US at 741741. You can Google them. It might help get you to a better state of mind until you can call the facility. The word to begin use to be “Go” but Google says it’s “Home”
http://www.crisistextline.org/how-it-works/
Another recommendation: call your insurance company, if you have their name or number. To access my parents’ account, I had to confirm that I was one of the listed members on the account and provide a couple birthdays, and then they were free to give me specific information about the account and my place on it. They should be able to tell you how an inpatient stay would be covered.
Do you have a primary care doctor? Your best bet might be to ask them. Also call or check the website for your health insurance company.
My mom is a doctor of pscyhology and she has worked at more than one mental hospital. Yes, the costs vary wildly, as does the quality of treatment. That is the reason I suggested talking to your primary care: even if they don’t treat mental health issues, many doctors *can* guide you when it comes to mental health care.
Do you have a therapist or counselor? They might be another good resource. I don’t want to presume anything about your situation, but many therapists (like my mom) will operate on a “sliding scale” system, so you pay what you can afford. A therapist can also make recommendations about inpatient care.
I found this article:https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22588167 that might help.
I have never been in inpatient care but have known people who have. While you *should* check out the hospital in advance if you can, my mom has flat-out told me that she had patients whose admission to a psychatric hospital saved their life. I have a friend who is schizophrenic and, while he was staying with me, he had a very bad episode in my apartment. (I’m not at liberty to give details, nor do I really want to talk about it.) He landed up in the ER and from there to a psychiatric hospital. It wasn’t the best in the area but he didn’t have great insurance. However, they DID keep him alive and get him the prescriptions he needed to stablize his condition.
Please be well and safe!
(Please forgive misspellings – it’s late at night where I am!)
I don’t actually have a primary care doctor. When I was in undergrad I just saw the doctors at the student health center, and before that I saw a pediatrician, and now, well. I do have a therapist, though I’ve only been seeing her for a little while. I may very well contact her, but, well, it’s also late at night where I am and I’m trying to find out information preferably as soon as I can.
Can you call a hotline? Again, I don’t want to presume anything by posting links, but there are 24-hour hotlines for pretty much everything. Easy to find with a Google search!
My bad – I missed that you said you needed to be quiet right now because it’s late (I’m pretty sleepy). Some of these resources have chat options as well – if you’re not well at the moment, please reach out in any way that is best and safe for you!
Do you have an emergency number to talk to your therapist? Most have them. There are also suicide hot lines and one text line that can help you stabilize.
Cost wise, it depends on insurance and place. Some pay for most of it. Some places charge reduced rates for people in acute situations. Sometimes you can have your therapist reach out to charities that will help with the first 3 days.
One bit of advice. Be honest about your religious beliefs. Don’t say just wherever. As an atheist put in a very religious hospital, it eventually got grating which can have a negative effect on the speed of your progress. Use your words and say what you are like if you are Christian, but heavy religious influences get on your nerves.
Another thing to be honest about is your mental state, your thoughts, and your feelings. It’s not gonna be easy because you will be so used to keeping how bad it is close to the vest. You will say things you have never said out loud before in your life and things you have never even admitted to yourself. Cull nothing.
Have a list of medications (they will be gotten from their pharmacy so you can’t just give them pills), diagnosis from doctors, pharmacy contact, allergies of both food and medication varieties. Also have a list of phone numbers of friends and family. Have flip flops or the like for the shower, a toothbrush that is not electric, a bra (if you need one) that is not under wire and period needs that you prefer if necessary, prescription glasses if allowed, and a paperback book that they will allow (there are some subjects that they don’t for obvious reasons). Contact someone you trust (or have the doctor to if you aren’t up to it) before you go in to care for pets, water plants, check mail, and whatever things that might cause you stress if you realize it isn’t being done.
I second the motion on being upfront about your religious beliefs. I was in a Catholic facility and one group session per week was with a priest. It was unpleasant.
I don’t have an emergency number for my therapist. I’m pretty stable right now, don’t feel like hurting myself or anything. This morning, though, I was so certain I was going to kill myself that I sobbed as I left my house, thinking it was the last time I was ever going to see it. It has been a day.
As far as I can tell, the facilities around here aren’t religious.
That’s the thing about depression. It’s never constant. It’s an ebb and flow. So is suicidal ideation. I’m glad you’re getting treatment now because the longer it sets, the harder it gets to pull out. Don’t brush this off in the morning when you aren’t as bad as a lot of us made the mistake of doing. We who have been there can tell you how it ends and it’s an outcome you want to avoid.
Even if they aren’t religious, it’s always good to be up front about it. It might inform them on how to work with you best. Some people need heavy religious influences to frame treatment, some want it acknowledged but not harped on, and some want a break from it during treatment. They aren’t mind readers no matter how hard they try to be and need you to fill in the blanks.
Few quick questions. Are you on medication, how long, and did the suicidal ideations start or get worse when you got on it?
although, be aware that they may take your stuff away when you’re admitted. the ward I was admitted to after my attempt last year didn’t allow anything to be brought in, even clothes.
Yeah. A lot of them are like that, but they usually allow most of the things I mentioned. Bras are a maybe, but since you can’t hurt yourself or others with flip flops, they are usually allowed. They are picky about toothbrushes, but you can usually ask what brand is allowed. Glasses are on a case by case basis as well as paperback books (although most seem to have cheesy romance if you ask for a book to read).
I recieved outpatient care for my depression in an inpatient facility. I attended the group sessions daily for about 6 hours but was allowed to return home in the evenings. I suppose it was a bit unconventional, but it worked well for me. I have no idea about the cost because it was fully covered by my father’s insurance. If you feel that you don’t need constant monitoring, that may be an option you can pursue to avoid meal and housings costs that go along with inpatient care.
If you do need monitoring, please don’t let cost keep you from protecting your life. Absolutely research your options as much as possible, but also keep in mind that medical bills can be negotiated and many facilities will work with you to create reasonable repayment plans. If you’re in a place where you are worried about your safety, the most important thing is to take care of yourself.
*appropriate gesture of support *
*Appropriate gesture of support*
When I needed to be inpatient and my insurance wouldn’t cover a good portion of it, my therapist at the time advised me to get involuntarily committed. She contacted the local ER and told them she was sending a patient over and would be filing a commitment petition.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go. It was that if you’re involuntarily committed, the county also pays part of the bill for it. And also that the suicidal ideation I was having at the time made it dangerous for me to drive myself to the hospital because it was a very long distance. I didn’t have anyone else who could take me and this made it so the sheriff took me and the hospital was responsible for getting me home.
And if you’re worried about the stigma of being subject to commitment proceedings, don’t. At least for me, once I got to the psych hospital and explained to them that I knew that I had needed to go but had otherwise been unable to and I was willing to stay for treatment, the court proceedings were dropped and my status was changed to voluntary admit.
Part of the bill? So you can have psychosis from your inadequately treated schizophrenia because you can’t afford your meds and they charge you for the admission that they force on you, even partially? That is so not cool.
My experience was heavily negative, but a lot of that had to do with the fact that it was against my will (3 day involuntary hold plus a coerced ‘voluntary’ 4 day stay after the hold ended). If you’re making this choice for yourself you probably won’t be experiencing that as much as I did.
Don’t know much about cost, sorry. Aside from the fact that the place I was in was trying to lengthen my stay so they could milk my insurance.
It depends on the place, really. I’ve been inpatient in three facilities and it varies a lot. In one place the admitting nurse was super judgemental about all the self-inflicted scars I have, which I didn’t appreciate. Same facility, most of the day was spent by oneself or with your potentially crazy-ass roommate, so there wasn’t much to distract someone from their thoughts, including suicidal thoughts.
A different one I was in tried to keep us as busy as possible, so we wouldn’t be alone with our negative thoughts. The third one kicked me out after only like 24 hours, claiming my insurance was refusing to pay for it, which was bull because at the time my grandma had called them and told them she was going to pay the full price for however long I had to be in there to get well.
All of mine were voluntary. Honestly if you have a choice, try to research online the rankings of their inpatient psychiatric facilities if you can. Some places are awful and some are less so.
Oh yeah. You can’t have any stringlike objects with you, such as shoe laces, belts, drawstrings on pants or hoodies, etc. They will take jewelry away from you so leave that at home (you will get them back when you go home though but still). If you wear contacts take them out and bring your glasses since you can’t bring chemicals with you and you won’t know how long you’re staying. BRING BOOKS. It is important for you to keep your mind busy, especially if you end up in a facility with a lot of alone time. This is especially important if you’re in a facility that keeps you in holding for a long time (one time I spent just over 24 hours in the “waiting room” just to be admitted into the ward). Bring a sweater or a hoodie or something because hospitals are COLD. Wear socks too cause again, cold.
Also, *hugs* I hope you get into a better headspace soon. Please be OK.
I know that odds are you are getting treatment right now. I know it’s hard. I know it might get boring. You might be crying or feel numb. Maybe they changed your medicine or the dose and you’re trying to coop with that. Maybe you made a connection with someone else in there or maybe not. Depression always made me loose my appetite, so all the food they gave me always felt like too much until I got used to it. There’s a lot of feelings going on and when you get out it will take time to adjust. Wherever you are, whatever you’re feeling, know that we care. It may not be much but we strangers from across the globe empathize and understand. We don’t judge you for your feelings as many of us have felt the same. I know it’s not much, but it’s something.
Astonishingly enough, no.
Trust me, I am at least as surprised by this as you are.
Poor Howard. He thinks he finds Carla attractive, but little does he know he’s actually gay.
(This isn’t a transphobic comment, I’m just pointing out that Howard hasn’t met Jacob, yet.)
Not an indicator. Jacob’s like Batman. Everybody finds him attractive.
dem abs
No thank you on both counts, thank you very much. Unless we’re talkin’ Dick Grayson as Batman, then… okay, fine, one count.
Or Iron Bull. Because everyone can be Iron Bull-sexual”.
Or we can be into Onis. And sacs. And an Oni’s sac.
And if I actually need to say NSFW after that lead up… really? OK, fine, it is NSFW. and probably NSFL to most people for that matter. Here there be
dragonsnaked gay demons pounding it… pounding it… POUNDING IT….(Because if you think that a Skrawkcab Name is going to fool anyone into thinking you aren’t running an online caSinO, and you are so incredibly careless about it not to notice the potential innuendo in that name, you deserve the mockery you get.)
Damn it, that attempt to edit the post did not go according to plan. Is there anyone here who can delete a double-post?
But wouldn’t that just make him bi?
I can’t think of a joking response to this that isn’t wildly uncool, so… Yeah, I guess it would. Screw it, Howard is now bisexual, and you can’t convince me otherwise.
. . . Like, regardless, considering the context of this strip, that’s a little inappropriate to say.
Yeah. I think I get where she was coming from now that I’ve processed it a bit, but that absolutely does not read well.
Ah! The wonders when two socially-anxious, proud and defensive people try to come to terms and establish some kind of interaction groundwork! Poor Carla feels guilty and I think that Ruth doesn’t really know how to say ‘thank you’, let alone reassure her, without it sounding condescending, insincere or rude.
Then Howie jumps in and says possibly the nicest thing that anyone has ever said to Carla in her college life! 😉
Nah, Carla has 1000% heard nicer things. This is also definitely not the first time anyone has thought she was pretty.
case in point right here. She’s a tall glass of water let me tell you
Man, Carla, you managed to not be utterly unlikable for a while there.
Glad we’re back to reality.
If that’s reality, I’ll just stay wherever I am right now.
The Ruth arc has been very helpful. It helped explain how my drug regimen works on me.
Now, back to your regular Ruth-Carla-Howie bonding.
Both of the things! Not one. Not the other. Both. OF. THE. THINGS.
case in point: im both pretty and an asshole
I wonder if the whole “Like parent like spouse” or rather “Like sister like spouse” thing is at work here because Carla is quite similar to Ruth.
….is she?
Similar enough for me to mistake them for each other at first glance a couple of times.
Oh you mean physically? I don’t really see it but then I also didn’t connect Carla as also being a redhead with glasses.
I don’t know if Howie has excellent or awful taste in woman.
Or maybe both?
He’s sixteen; all he needs is to encounter a tall, attractive female to develop an instant crush. I wonder if Carla is ready to handle the steady drip-drip of awful flowery poetry he’s going to send her? For that matter, I wonder if Ruth is ready for the fact she’s going to have to be the one to give Carla said love-notes?
Something tells me that Billie is going to end up busting something from laughing so hard at both of their reactions to this! 😀
He said she was pretty. That does not automatically lead to unsolicited poetry. Now, if he’d said she was really pretty, we’d have some grounds for the poem theory.
If his taste in women is anything like his taste in entertainment, well… Maybe he can take up a hobby or something.
Excellent taste in awful women.
(what?)
🎶Somebody has a cru-u-ush!🎶
(So do I. I love Carla! She’s pretty and an asshole!)
I had no idea you could do animated emojis
This is upsetting & yet nice
It’s like what they say about dating: Intelligent, Emotionally Stable, Good Looking. Pick two.
School: Sleep,Study,Fun… pick two.
No you can’t. Not for me anyway. If someone is a shitty person that affects how I perceive them on a pretty scale.
So much tsundere all over this page. These two have centered their entire identities on open hostility towards all, and yet they went to heroic lengths to protect one another. Is there a word for platonic tsundere? Get Leslie on the red phone.
it’s just tsundere. the term can describe platonic relationshipos
This. Tsundere is a personality type, not a relationship dynamic. People who are tsun are usually tsun in general rather than with only their crush, although there are exceptions. (And some characters, like say Hitsugaya from Bleach, are tsun in a general way but then crank it up to 11 around the person they like.)
I’m with Howie. Carla is very pretty.
And you should know, since you are a Carla
I’m preee-etteey!
A pretty aaa-asshole!
me too, howie
Truly, those are the best people.
Carla is multifaceted as well as being capable of multitasking.
What I love most about this one is that Ruth clearly did not expect any sort of apology from Carla – whether because she’s an asshole or because her actions, while endangering Ruth, also most likely saved her from suicide. Ruth doesn’t expect Carla to be anything but herself. CARLA is the one putting pressure on herself for endangering Ruth while trying to help her.
Goooood, Carla, goooood. Let the kindness flow through youuuu…
Uhm, must distract from stupid mistakes I made today…
Did I mention that the canon Whateley Academy version of Absinthe came out this Monday? I totes should mention that. For reasons.
And I got a new trope launched today. Which is… oh, sweet lady Eris, I just realized how lame I sound even mentioning that. Never mind, I don’t need a distraction that badly.
That is a DELIGHTFUL new trope. I’m surprised it didn’t exist already!
For what it’s worth, I’m impressed!
I know how that feels. I launched exactly one trope, and I was very happy about it. It’s doing really well, too.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AttentionDeficitOohShiny
That’s a great tr… um…. wow, Ruth has beautiful eyes in this strip.
Bad trikly! Bad! No biscuit!
Carla’s true form: Queen Pretty McAsshole, the ultimate ruler of Earth.
CARLA OH MY GOD
Like, she clearly isn’t dismissing either Ruth’s depression or her domestic issues, she’s trying to say “you look better than when I found you so I’m calling this one a win” but it comes out in the WORST WAY POSSIBLE but I’m pretty sure that RUTH GETS WHAT SHE IS TRYING TO SAY and just AWWWWWWWWWW