Yes because once they are dead, all problems are as good as solved!
What do you mean that is called murder, THIS IS PROBLEM SOLVING. Look, we can resolve this very easily Superman will punch you into the sun and THEN we’ll see if there is still someone complaining about it.
This is sort of Samaritan’s (of Astro City) dilemma, which he deals with (after a fashion) by handling every emergency he can on his own (stuff that should be handled by people — agriculture and the like — are left to ordinary people).
Even with that limitation, the time he has left over for flying for pleasure can be measured in seconds.
A friend of mine once wrote up a hero whose power was literally to know exactly what to punch, and how hard, to solve any problem. ANY. Problem. He could punch an apparently random streetlamp and a Goldbergian series of events would unfold that would solve a murder mystery.
First Superman movie I ever saw was the 1951 Superman and the Mole Men. It seemed like his coolest superpower was talking the angry mob into thinking about their intentions.
on top of being a hostage used to control and coherence Billie hence why she hasn’t broken off harder from Gramps…she might be old enough, but Howard isn’t (also have to wonder how sheltered Howard is…seriously he might make Joyce seem worldly).
wowsers. I’m impressed at how well Billie took that, i thought for sure that would lead to some kind of conflict. And you know what? good on you willis, I like this small growth in the character, even if it’s beset by much broader bad habits.
also hope howard can get in on this conversation himself a little
He is? Honest question – I don’t recall any strips that say so. I thought Ruth was the sole outlet for Grampa Asshole’s abuse, and that Howard was more or less left alone.
If this was mentioned by Willis at his Tumblr or Twitter, I apologize.
Ruth has never explicitly called Grandpa Asshole an abuser, but she has repeatedly alluded to his abusing both her and Howard (she has previously referenced Howard needing to grow up and “escape” their grandfather).
Howard’s coping mechanism is in Game of Thrones and (probably) porn. Ruth’s is alcohol and a somewhat toxic relationship. Howard comes across as a twerp. Ruth, when she was introduced, came across as a bully. That’s not to say he’s not a twerp, or that Ruth isn’t a bully, but there’s a lot to their characters to consider.
It was just revealed. Either emotional or physical. I would say probably emotional myself just from the way he treats Ruth but this can comic can be dark enough where physical abuse of a minor can happen.
New plan! We start sending him gifts of bacon, cigars, high fructose alchool and redbull as well as floridian mosquitos. We’ll let nature take him down!
The Sun is waaaaay too inefficient a launch trajectory (there’s a reason no human-made object has actually plunged into the sun, ever). Just leave them in deep space, preferably at one of the more stable Lagrangian points so we can keep a constant eye on them.
The butt is mainly the glute muscles and, true, by the time we’re born they’re flanking the anus and have to be bigger than it.
But early in embryonic development, the glutes don’t even exist. Long before they even form, one of the first distinguishable features of the embry to form is a dent, called a blastophore. This is the beginning of our anus, and it is for a period of weeks or months larger than our butts. In fact, you could say at this point that we are entirely, 100% assholes.
Then the assholes burrow through the embryo and become our mouths. Again, before our gluteous maximus butts even exist.
Since some people never outgrow either stage, you can say that they still have anuses bigger than their butts.
Depends. Do you want them to die instantly, do you want them to suffer for a short period of time and then die, or do you want them to live in a permanent exile where they’re undoubtedly going to die because of it, but not within a single day?
(Those are, respectively, the Sun, Venus, and Mars.)
Billie: But what I like, punched him so hard he ends up in a full body cast? He’d have to be nice to Howard then! Who else would change is bedpan?
Ruth: …
Howard: D:
If you think about it a moment, you’ll realize that you can drastically increase the problems that can be solved by punching if you only spike the punch.
Oh Ruth look at that. Man the body language is way different and more dynamic, I feel like they’re back on the same page. Look at that Ruth flares up and then one panel later is not flaring and the direction and cause of the flare is apparent and something feels way less broken than it did a page ago, somehow, even though it’s all still un-punchably broken
So now all the pieces fall into place. Ruth wasn’t being entirely ungrateful for Billie standing up for her; she blew up because not only could Sir try to hurt Billie, but will most definitely hurt Howard. The reaction she had was wrong of her to do, but at least there was a reason behind it. If not for Howard, Ruth would have probably been less explosive. Poor Ruth and poor Howard. I really wish there was some convenient thing that happened that got him out of that house.
In that light, her submission also changes a bit, she cannot stand up for herself without hurting Howard. This is a thing I still have to learn. Lately my fighting back for myself ends up hurting my cousin, and I always realize it too late. She begged me to tune it down, but I get so angry.
Let’s see…
COERCION AND THREATS: Check
INTIMIDATION: Check and double check.
EMOTIONAL ABUSE: Check. ALL THE CHECK.
ISOLATION: Check
MINIMIZING, DENYING, AND BLAMING: No shit – he just got her back to the situation that landed her on a suicide watch.
USING CHILDREN: Check.
ECONOMIC ABUSE: Of course he does
MALE PRIVILEGE: Check.
Jackpot! He earns the “Approved by Blaine” stamp and a free douche-bag to put all the shit he is so full of in.
Yikes. For as much as Clint must take his rancor out on the kid, Howard manages pretty well to keep his clearly-awful trauma to himself. It’s no wonder he prefers not to pay outward attention to anything but the stuff he watches to occupy himself.
Yes, Cerberus did call it…hmmmm….Cerberus calls a lot of things actually…..suspicious. The only logical conclusion is that Cerberus IS Willis in one of those incredibly convincing Mission Impossible masks. Think on this. The comment section’s favorite used phrase of “Damn you Willis” “Damn”, as in to HELL. The place the mythical creature Cerberus is guardian of! The pieces were all there from the begining!
Obviously Cerb is just the person who keeps Willis from leaving his writing chamber? Since Cerberus is the guard to Hell, and apparently Willis can never leave according to the alttext of a recent comic.
There it is. There’s the reason Ruth doesn’t feel like she can quit this job. That’s the reason Ruth still feels trapped by “Sir”. Clint is using Howard to keep Ruth under his influence. Ruth feels like she has to bear the brunt of his hostility to protect her little brother. And Howard still has at least 2 years until he can get away.
Cerberus has shared this a few times over the last arc, but it bears repeating.
I’ve considered punching the punching-doesn’t-work problem, and I’ve decided it’s definitely worth a shot the second that smug fucker shows its metaphorical face.
I’m glad Howard’s situation has finally been made crystal clear.
I mean, it was heavily implied by Ruth’s previous behaviour, and he has always seemed a odd, but I still had this ‘are we being tricked’ feeling about his behaviour. (Like maybe he was an oblivious golden child, or even being taught to be an abuser by the old bastard)
I always figured it was entirely possible that gramps was just some manner of raging misogynist, and Howard was oblivious. The fact that that would be the best-case scenario is profoundly sad, but what can you do?
otherwise known as dissociation i think. I wouldn’t know, as they didn’t talk about it in Psych 101 and I’ve only heard about it from comments down here. Still unsure if it’s supposed to be one of those things that’s good in moderation, or something that’s a really bad sign
hopefully, Faye would drag her to AA. Also, I think QC crossed over with Shortpacked!, so if they share a universe, there might be versions of the QC crew (sadly with no robots, or at least human versions of them) in the DoA!Verse
And there’s the sad confirmation that Howard is being abused as well. :C
Panel 1: Heh. I’m somewhat amused that Billie has so cottoned on to how Ruth tries to sabotage the relationship when in spiral space that she just defuses this in a second. Oh, you’re making this out to be a huge deal… wait. No, you’re just talking about me having to move dorms, which makes perfect sense. Meh.
I’d still like Ruth to move away from doing that and I think we’re seeing signs that she is and is getting healthier, but I’m amused that in the meantime Billie’s not even bothering to rise to it.
Panel 2: I have so many mixed feelings about this, because on the one hand yes, this response makes perfect sense. She does feel alienated from a lot of the people on her floor and now a lot of them know a lot of somewhat embarrassing stuff on her thanks to Mary’s bullshit.
I mean, given the comments Carla was getting when she was caring for Ruth, I can only imagine some of the “light-hearted” ribbing she’ll be getting especially given how much more that fits into the stereotype of “Stockholm Syndrome”.
And a fresh start isn’t really that much of a change. A different dorm hall doesn’t mean she can’t still crash at Ruth’s like she’s been doing and she’ll have a place that’s more away when she needs to get away from the drama over here.
But on the other hand, it’s also a sign of her self-loathing and her intentional isolation from support networks because she still views herself as poisonous to the well-being of others. Like, she’s going to a new dorm that she doesn’t even have to live in, this isn’t a dramatic change, but she’s acting like this will cut her off from everyone and she’ll never see them again and I think part of her would like that, to just slip and escape into the codependent side of her relationship with Ruth and push away the rest of the world.
And well, I’m just super glad she’s getting therapy, because that whole “you and me against the world” type of relationship that’s low on external support networks is a lot uglier in reality than it is in fantasy and a lot more unnecessarily stressful.
Really, in general, I’m just counting down the days until she starts her own therapy sessions.
I just wanted to add on that, if Billie does get transferred to a different dorm *cough* beuraucratic incompetence incoming *cough* Joyce is probably going to make sure Billie doesn’t alienate herself. Because Joyce does view Billie as a friend and is very willing to support her the same way she (Joyce) gets supported by Dorothy, Becky, Sal, etc all.
And Billie has encouraged Joyce in this in the past, however unintentionally, by acknowledging that Joyce is her best college friend. (And an unintentional good choice by Billie, there, because Joyce is excellent to have in the best-friend corner.)
Panel 3: Oh Billie, I love you. Like, all Ruth sees is the trap “sir” left for her, the way he’s caged her in and removed her options, but Billie sees the silver lining of it all. She’s not disappearing into a place where “sir” has all the control. Yes, he has undue influence and power here and a lot more control over her life than is remotely reasonable, but she’s at least got a semblance of autonomy in that restriction and she can use that to heal enough to gain the rest of her autonomy in time.
Also, I frickin’ love the “sir general gramps” nickname. It’s just beautiful in every way.
Panel 4: Billie, stop, you’re making me love you more and more in every panel you’re in.
And yeah, the fantasy is to lay out the assholes who hurt the ones you love. But in reality, that’s often not a good decision to make and oftentimes the person actually being abused will ask you not to intervene in a way that is going to make things harder for them like that.
But it’s hard and I understand Billie’s urge to punch. It’s hard to watch someone you love have to be civil and play the game with an asshole manipulator twisting them to gain extra power over their life and remove things they love (I still loathe my ex’s mom for destroying her confidence in her poetry writing and her budding career simply out of fear that someone she knows might finally find out about her alcoholism and how that facilitated her abuse of her daughter and then slamming her hard on her sexuality at a time when she really didn’t need that shit).
It’s hard to stand back and do nothing against someone who is hurting the person you care about. But, in the long run, and by experiencing it myself, I’ve learned the value in just giving the survivor tools to make their own break and giving them support and letting them define their best strategy to handle their abusers. Because true escape can’t be given from the outside.
Especially with something like abuse that so often robs power and agency. The reclamation of that for one’s self is a key part of recovery from that.
So yeah, that’s the ugly confirmation of the red flags. He is using Howard as a combination hostage/stress ball. Something to squeeze and twist when “set off” and where he can carefully modulate the “setting off” so as to reduce Ruth’s ability to defy him in any real way.
And that’s one of the uglier parts of abuse, the way they make you feel guilty for “causing” their outbursts against yourself or those you care about. So that you end up carefully moderating everything they do so as to eliminate their need to attack and in doing so end up more in a position where they have power over you.
And it’s such a twisted exploitation of empathy, that most beautiful of human emotions. Making that into a weakness to be turned to gaining power and control, because we all have those we care about and want less to see them get hurt than be hurt themselves.
And every abuser I’ve gone up against has used that shit against me. My shitty old employer that discriminated against me deliberately engineered a no-win situation for the one person at the company who stood up to me in order to make an example of the price to be paid for supporting the (slur for trans woman). My dad and uncle attacked my ex to remove my active support when dealing with family. My current head of school has taken to using my strong support for the queer/trans students at the school as weapons to “get back at me”, making oblique statements about how “sexuality has no place on campus” whenever some abusive het harassment shit goes down and manufacturing what turns out to be bullshit statements about me letting down my trans kids in important ways.*
*I really really hate this man with all of my hate and I can’t wait to be rid of him in my life.
And it works or at least it works really well against me, because I can take a large amount of shit when it’s happening to me personally, but I fold up like an accordion when those I care about are threatened and I’ll go to a lot of lengths to try and protect them from harm. And there’s a reason that “using children” is a wedge on the Power and Control Wheel.
So I understand Ruth freaking out, but I hope one day she can also realize that it’s not her pissing him off that causes him to “work his aggression off” on Howard. It’s him being a shitty abuser and he’s just using her actions as an excuse to do the abuse he already wants to do (and is probably exploiting the same thing with Howard, making him believe that if he speaks up it’ll go poorly for his sister, which is probably why he so nervously asked Billie to take care of her).
Abusers abuse not because they are set off. But because they are abusers. And the only way to escape their bullshit is to cut them out of your life entirely.
And I believe that Ruth will manage that someday. Howard too. And then they can both piss on “sir’s” grave and deface his headstone together.
Panel 6: Aw, she finally said “I love you”… also, yeah, Billie is being wonderful in so many “oh my heart” ways, but she’s also one who doesn’t back down from asshole abusers. She’s “alpha percussion instrument, head cheerleader” and she’s likely had to stare down a lot of dangerous assholes in her time.
And there are few things an abuser tends to hate more than assertive women who don’t buy their bullshit.
And Billie, sure, not every problem can be solved by punching. But it’s not a bad one for abusers. Just ask Toedad… or Richard Spencer: http://richardspencerpunched.com/
I dunno, part of me wishes I had popped my dad one on my way out. Give him back the punch he laid on me when I was a kid.
(Multiple appropriate gestures of support) I’m sorry you’ve had to go through that. And it is indeed a shitty abuser trick. You impress me every time you talk about how much shit you deal with on a regular basis, with your ability to not only stand up, but spit in its face.
>>>>’Abusers abuse not because they are set off. But because they are abusers.'<<<<
Very important to emphasize. I've read a book called 'Why Does He Do That?' by Lundy Bancroft and a very important thing he points out is that usually when abusers say they are 'set off', they perform very calculated behaviours which show they were NOT out of control at all. They have CHOSEN that moment to act, they have not been *set off* or *triggered* as they would eagerly claim to shift blame onto the abused rather than themselves.
Yeah, Bancroft has some really good demonstrations about how “out of control” or “set off” is a myth that abusers use to try and eel away from responsibility for their actions.
CW for this next link: Descriptions of abuse
Like, he has a really good one where he asks abusers about the limits of their violence and why they were able to stop before doing something that would get them into trouble and how they always have an excuse that reveals that they were still very much in control of their actions and could have stopped any time. (Look for the paragraph that starts “Bancroft asks the” in the link below): http://www.derrickjensen.org/endgame/lundy-bancroft-abusers/
There’s a similar one on rapists not done by Bancroft but by someone else I can’t remember that basically looked at all the excuses rapists give about not understanding consent cues, but when you look at their behaviors in workplaces it’s clear they absolutely do understand consent cues, they are just deliberately not applying them to the people they attack.
And it’s all a really important thing to remember because abusers and rapists thrive on these false societal narratives that let them deflect responsibility and frequently use it as a tool to abuse making the victim feel they did something to “set off” their attacker.
That’s a reminder I need from time to time. It’s my instinct to try and be fair to my past abusers. To try and understand them. But then I remember times when my mom tricked me into getting into a car with her. So that I couldn’t escape. Then destroying me over forgetting to turn in homework and saying “I think you have a problem with your soul” when I told her I thought I was going crazy. I remember how it didn’t seem like anything was wrong until I couldn’t leave.
It’s easy to blame myself for that, since I’m on the autism spectrum. To just say, “well, I’m dumb, I didn’t see the signs.” But then I remember how every car ride after I was afraid if we were alone. Even if there were no signs. Because there were never any signs. She was always, always in control.
All those times I’ve worried I was gonna upset my current (delightfully non-toxic and supportive) boyfriend because I was flashing back to something that had “set off” my abuser…
I’ve been a bit of the opposite in response to abuse. I was perfectly willing to be the “stress ball” but the instant someone else got targeted, I was not standing for that shit. I found out one of my brothers was in a bad place because of someone, so I took them aside and “had a talk” with them. Some sports team bullshit. So when that didn’t work, I contacted my friend in the varsity team, and the varsity team came down on the freshman team like a bag of bricks. I admitted a days ago that when my dad tried to be abusive towards my mom I pinned him to a wall with my hands on his throat. Never did anything like that again. My (still living friends) call it my “papa bear” instinct, which is kinda embarrassing, but also true I guess. Also, I am incredibly sorry about what you’re currently having to deal with with this shithead admin and *hugs* the crap your “father” put you through.
This essay makes me want to research what makes people abusers. Is it really just something you are? I just feel like if it’s something that can headed off and crushed before they hurt people, it’s an option that should be pursued just as much as supporting the abused. Preventative action and all that. It would definitely be slow work and not that reliably testable considering that anything like a controlled experiment into creating abusers would be grossly and massively unethical. But i think it could be worth it to help future generations.
There isn’t a predictable indicator of who will or who will not be an abuser because it comes from the values they learn from a variety of people around them and how they think.
Abusers can have any kind of personality and any kind of background – they can be shy or confident, pursuer or pursued, and they can be someone who spends their entire worklife helping other people (as a teacher or a doctor) and yet still be an abuser at home.
not predictable as of today’s research. Who knows what the future holds?
To be serious, I know that we don’t understand what indicators there are, but that’s why I want to do the research. Maybe they just haven’t been found yet
i wasnt required to live in campus my first year. i think its an option if you can afford to live on campus. though its probably a requirement if you pledge to a fraternity or a sorority.
More and more American colleges are making that a requirement as a way of “building community” or “institutional loyalty” or some crap like that. At the same time it does make things easier for freshmen when it comes to classes and establishing social support networks that help prepare them in some ways for living off campus. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad.
As was noted in some of the comment threads about Mary, there is something to be said for forcing kids to (learn how to) cohabitate with other people who are not like them (or their families, or neighbors). Part of that whole “preparing them for the real world” thing.
And yeah, there’s also taking financial advantage of them. See above!
And then I can add another US hypocrisy, land of the free, my foot! Due to all the times I have heard that I live in a socialist dictatorship with no free will and mental slavey, I have started a list of thing that are less free in “the land of the free” than in my country of “concrete barracks and thought police” aka Sweden – currently in top ten (depends which survey you check) best countries to live in.
except in the sense of ‘haha those slaves thought that they could side with our enemies to get manumitted but we totally won this battle, haha, america is the land where freemen rule, not dumb slaves, land of the freemen home of the brave amirite guys’
america you got some cool point but you also got sooo maaaany completely asslord points, can i move somewhere else plskthx
Actually you weasel your way around without actually mentioning it: “the whole Number of free Persons, including those bound to Service for a Term of Years, and excluding Indians not taxed, three fifths of all other Persons.”
Fancy wording doesn’t actually change the meaning though, especially when contrasting ‘free persons’ with other folks in the country, thereby implying that there are folks who are not free there. I stand by my ‘never the land of the free’.
To add to everyone else: University of Denver had that requirement in the 1980s. I believe it still does. You have to live on campus as a freshman and sophomore unless you are living with a parent, sibling, grandparent, spouse or legal guardian who is over 21 unless you are over 21. One of the reasons I went to DU for my Masters (besides it being an excellent school) was so my sister, who was a sophomore, could move out of the dorms.
The university claims it is done to make sure the students are serious and studious rather than partying and dropping out. Evidence suggests this could be true.
Wow! =( That grandfather sounds like a real dick. I have seen grandparents hate children because they don’t like the partner their own kid chose. But how is that the children’s fault? My own grandparents didn’t really like my Mom because my father married out (of Romanichal) and no matter what my mother did for them, they were still mean to her and me. Some people are just rotten to the core.
I would say that it derives at least in part from a refusal to see the child as anything other than simply an extension of the child’s parent(s), whom they are already predisposed against.
What does that “third person” declaration mean? Remember Billie couldn’t hold back a blush when Dorothy said “Guys, she’s in love” in front of Walky and Joyce, the latter of course started shipping them down to naming babies.
Not “hating”, but. I did find him annoying because he seemed to be the one getting all the good things and being blissfully unaware of the crap Ruth was going through. Like, just enjoying all the privilege. Looking back, I guess the fact that Ruth didn’t seem to resent him ought to have tipped me off (?)
(And no, nobody told me so. I must have skipped the comments on that topic)
Yeah, well, you missed quite a comment party on the topic. “Blissfully unaware” never really seemed the option, particularly after we found out that Sir Grampa’s problem was with the kids’ father – no way he’d just target the girl and leave the boy alone then.
anyone who’s been in an abusive relationship knows that if someone tries to “defend you” against your abuser, the abuser waits until later and takes it out on you and other victims. but i doubt Billie’s aware of that abusive relationship dynamic. all she knows is someone’s hurting someone she loves, and she wants to defend her. it is incredibly difficult, and time consuming, to extricate someone from an abusive relationship, especially when they are holding other people hostage and they’re your patriarch. your life literally depends on them in every way, because they’ve made sure of it. so yeah. Billie eventually listened to Ruth and did some support by looking for Howard.
oh fuck. Well, comment section theories proven. Howard is a horrific whipping boy for anything that annoys Clint, and his attitude is retreating and dissociating on almost Amber levels
I often have Billie’s complaint. As a woman, I probably have it just as much. Man… A lot of my life growing up would have been easier if less people were griping at me about being super polite and more were being my friends ’cause I punched good.
That feeling when you’re wondering if abusive behaviors are just sick, twisted warped versions of normal parental behaviors, or if your beloved father who supports you in pretty much any endeavor you go for and taught you so much is actually also slightly abusive…
Yeah, I find myself wondering about that one too. My mother’s father was a capital-A Abuser and pretty much unremittingly terrible person. My mom? She did her best. She should have been in therapy so her best was better, but she did her best with what she had to work with. For the most part, I think she was a good parent, but she definitely sometimes strayed into territory that was questionable at best.
Usually abusers can vary in degree so it is possible for someone to be slightly abusive and to be so without realising it. Since you seem to get along with your Dad and he seems to be willing to listen to you from earlier comments you have made about him, he can probably change (if he is still showing harmful behaviours) to not be if you talk it out with him, because he seems to genuinely care what you think.
Well, Ruth, at least he is old, you have something to look forward to, you will be free of him eventually. Maybe you will get lucky and it will be sooner than later. Maybe start catching whatever flu/cold bugs are going around, and then going home for visits?
“I mean who am I going to miss, Walky?” “Ffft” “Like not even a little bit” “There’s no way I’d miss him” “I mean man, it’s not like I’m starting to miss him already” “Good riddance” lol Come on Billie you’re friends
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As the number of punches increase, the number of problems they can’t solve approaches zero.
Ah yes, the Superhero Principle.
Yes because once they are dead, all problems are as good as solved!
What do you mean that is called murder, THIS IS PROBLEM SOLVING. Look, we can resolve this very easily Superman will punch you into the sun and THEN we’ll see if there is still someone complaining about it.
Even Superman’s punches have limitations. http://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/2008-01-10
THEN HE ISN’T PUNCHING HARD ENOUGH.
But later his Superman does solve the crisis, though.
http://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=2305
It could probably be done that way with punches too.
This is sort of Samaritan’s (of Astro City) dilemma, which he deals with (after a fashion) by handling every emergency he can on his own (stuff that should be handled by people — agriculture and the like — are left to ordinary people).
Even with that limitation, the time he has left over for flying for pleasure can be measured in seconds.
A friend of mine once wrote up a hero whose power was literally to know exactly what to punch, and how hard, to solve any problem. ANY. Problem. He could punch an apparently random streetlamp and a Goldbergian series of events would unfold that would solve a murder mystery.
That sounds like a really interesting narrative that would be completely weird if executed. Did the hero have a name?
Probably “Straight To The Punch Man”
This is one of the main themes of Strong Female Protagonist (which I HIGHLY recommend).
My brother just introduced me to that a while ago. It is a very well written and interesting series.
If a little…heavy at times.
First Superman movie I ever saw was the 1951 Superman and the Mole Men. It seemed like his coolest superpower was talking the angry mob into thinking about their intentions.
I prefer the One Punch Principle:
The more powerful a superhero becomes, the number of problems that cannot be solved with a single punch approaches zero.
“My knuckles are all bruised and scraped up. Should I punch more stuff until they get better?”
Get cybernetic hands of reinforced carbon nanotubes, and then you won’t have to worry about those anymore.
How do you get those prosthetics, you may ask? The answer is always punching.
Nanomachines son!
Yes, you should punch some nice aloe, upon a soft cushion.
Probably. More accurately, you should let them heal up, then punch things more often to toughen up your hands, so they don’t get bruised up so easily.
Basic martial arts training. 🙂
And that would be wrong.
Poor Howard.
Second that. Eggshells at home, poor kid.
on top of being a hostage used to control and coherence Billie hence why she hasn’t broken off harder from Gramps…she might be old enough, but Howard isn’t (also have to wonder how sheltered Howard is…seriously he might make Joyce seem worldly).
Well, Joyce has probably seen boobs.
“way too many problems cant be solved by punching” the words of an uncreative quitter
*see example 1A: “One-Punch Man”
see example 1B: Stanley Pines
WAAAN PAAUUUUNNNNCCCCCHHHHHHH!!!!!
Sounds like maybe the next book title?
Welp, that answers that question.
Also, same Billie, same.
That old man is begging to be made a ricin fatality statistic of.
That old man fought in WARS, kid
wowsers. I’m impressed at how well Billie took that, i thought for sure that would lead to some kind of conflict. And you know what? good on you willis, I like this small growth in the character, even if it’s beset by much broader bad habits.
also hope howard can get in on this conversation himself a little
:C
>:C
He’s an abused child.
He is? Honest question – I don’t recall any strips that say so. I thought Ruth was the sole outlet for Grampa Asshole’s abuse, and that Howard was more or less left alone.
If this was mentioned by Willis at his Tumblr or Twitter, I apologize.
Ruth literally says that Mr. Hughes abuses Howard in this very strip.
Ruth just basically said he is, that when Asshole is mad, he takes his aggression out on Howard. So, abused child.
uh…
Ruth is kind of explicitly saying as much in this very strip.
Ruth has never explicitly called Grandpa Asshole an abuser, but she has repeatedly alluded to his abusing both her and Howard (she has previously referenced Howard needing to grow up and “escape” their grandfather).
Howard’s coping mechanism is in Game of Thrones and (probably) porn. Ruth’s is alcohol and a somewhat toxic relationship. Howard comes across as a twerp. Ruth, when she was introduced, came across as a bully. That’s not to say he’s not a twerp, or that Ruth isn’t a bully, but there’s a lot to their characters to consider.
It was just revealed. Either emotional or physical. I would say probably emotional myself just from the way he treats Ruth but this can comic can be dark enough where physical abuse of a minor can happen.
So kill him.
Kiiiiilllll hiiiimmm
Why can’t this be the comic where they can just kill him.
I have no patience for real stories.
New plan! We start sending him gifts of bacon, cigars, high fructose alchool and redbull as well as floridian mosquitos. We’ll let nature take him down!
Hopping him up on caffeinated alcohol might be bad for Howard.
Add chocolate in there. you can’t get mad with a belly full of chocolate!
Yeah, but what happens when the chocolate runs out? Madness! Chaos! Destruction!
Veruca Salt would disagree. Angrily.
Charming.
Ruth is explaining things and Billie is being sensible. I love this! ^_^
Yay communication!
Duuuuuuuuuude, the new book title is absolutely absurd, and I love it.
It’s not “absurd”, it’s absolutely ridiculous (not to mention cold and swift). 😛
I just love that she’s holding a goddamn gingersnap
And she IS a ginge- *vaudeville hook*
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas!
It’s not even as long as book two’s title. I’m profoundly disappointed.
I am waiting for his book titles to get so long they fill the entire front cover and wrap around to the back.
“lay him out like a slip ‘n slide” 😀
Apparently, that’s a bad idea. But it looks like she’s happy enough laying Ruth down like a Slip’n’Shine.
*runs away
Billie Don’t Be A Hero/Don’t be a fool with your life…
‘Billie, calm your magnificent tits’
Oh, and updates on Saturday and Sunday continue…
But at this point, that’s a near certainty.
We need to add more days to the week, so Sir Willis can do more updates.
Sounds like someone needs to put Blaine, Clint, and Ross together on a rocket and send them to colonise Mars. Or maybe Venus.
Or the Sun.
The Sun is waaaaay too inefficient a launch trajectory (there’s a reason no human-made object has actually plunged into the sun, ever). Just leave them in deep space, preferably at one of the more stable Lagrangian points so we can keep a constant eye on them.
The Sun would just evaporate them, and they’d be dead long before anything happened.
Meanwhile, scientists postulate that Venus’ atmosphere could completely corrode a VW Beetle in about 45 minutes.
Venus is WAY better.
What did Mars and Venus do to you??
Jettison them out an airlock somewhere.
Obviously, Uranus is the only reasonable destination.
Just, right up there.
Username checks out?
Yer goddamn right.
That could be painful
Unless we assume it’s a butt the size of Uranus.
I kind of assumed your butt was bigger than your anus
Unless we’re dealing with some kind of non-Euclidean butthole, I’m quite certain that your butt has to be bigger
Not at all.
The butt is mainly the glute muscles and, true, by the time we’re born they’re flanking the anus and have to be bigger than it.
But early in embryonic development, the glutes don’t even exist. Long before they even form, one of the first distinguishable features of the embry to form is a dent, called a blastophore. This is the beginning of our anus, and it is for a period of weeks or months larger than our butts. In fact, you could say at this point that we are entirely, 100% assholes.
Then the assholes burrow through the embryo and become our mouths. Again, before our gluteous maximus butts even exist.
Since some people never outgrow either stage, you can say that they still have anuses bigger than their butts.
FC: You mean like a Tardass?
Depends. Do you want them to die instantly, do you want them to suffer for a short period of time and then die, or do you want them to live in a permanent exile where they’re undoubtedly going to die because of it, but not within a single day?
(Those are, respectively, the Sun, Venus, and Mars.)
That last of course only being death if they don’t Science the shit out of it.
Sciencing the shit out of it only gives you a chance of living long enough to get rescued. It doesn’t work if no one’s swinging by to rescue you.
Well, and I’m pretty sure at least one of them “doesn’t believe in Science”, if Becky’s curriculum means anything.
Ah yes. The abused child acts weird/has issues he probably got from being abused, so he deserves to be abused more. Totally original.
Billie: But what I like, punched him so hard he ends up in a full body cast? He’d have to be nice to Howard then! Who else would change is bedpan?
Ruth: …
Howard: D:
Bedpan? Just let him piss in the cast. Maybe add some ants.
Billie, Billie, Billie.
If you think about it a moment, you’ll realize that you can drastically increase the problems that can be solved by punching if you only spike the punch.
*screaming, but also
*high-five?
Oh Ruth look at that. Man the body language is way different and more dynamic, I feel like they’re back on the same page. Look at that Ruth flares up and then one panel later is not flaring and the direction and cause of the flare is apparent and something feels way less broken than it did a page ago, somehow, even though it’s all still un-punchably broken
“I’ll lay him out like a slip and slide” is now my favorite threatening line ever spoken.
Game of Thrones?……:(
Just extend your aegis of punching to cover Howard as well!
Aw, Ruth said she loves Billie.
I’m not sure if she noticed, but if she did then Billie’s taking this a lot better than Walky did
This is a job for Amber
Sorry, she’s still entombed in her fortress of solitude
No, this is a job for Joyce.
Yes a few visits too her judgemental church would shame Clint into reform! Good idea!
I was thinking more her haymaker of doom.
Once she’s done with the wrist brace, maybe.
But… but her solution would *also* be punching things.
Does the effect change if you wear a mask when you punch them?
Well, if nobody knows who you are, it tends to be less prosecutable.
True, but provided the old bastard can still move, he’ll probably still find a way to take it out on Howard, come hell or high water.
So the solution is to break his thumbs, is what AG would probably hear.
Just his thumbs? Not both arms?
Screw it, every bone in his hands and up his arms would probably help, yeah.
Amber definitely thinks/hopes so.
You just need to punch more and harder Billie. Ask Joyce for some help with that.
Book title? Please?
So now all the pieces fall into place. Ruth wasn’t being entirely ungrateful for Billie standing up for her; she blew up because not only could Sir try to hurt Billie, but will most definitely hurt Howard. The reaction she had was wrong of her to do, but at least there was a reason behind it. If not for Howard, Ruth would have probably been less explosive. Poor Ruth and poor Howard. I really wish there was some convenient thing that happened that got him out of that house.
In that light, her submission also changes a bit, she cannot stand up for herself without hurting Howard. This is a thing I still have to learn. Lately my fighting back for myself ends up hurting my cousin, and I always realize it too late. She begged me to tune it down, but I get so angry.
Because of course “Sir” uses Howard as leverage against Ruth.
Since the day her parents died, Ruth’s life has been one long hostage situation. Joy…
It’s the “using children” wedge of the Power and Control Wheel:
http://www.ncdsv.org/images/powercontrolwheelnoshading.pdf
Which I believe completes the clean sweep. He’s officially the fucking poster child of shitty abusers.
Let’s see…
COERCION AND THREATS: Check
INTIMIDATION: Check and double check.
EMOTIONAL ABUSE: Check. ALL THE CHECK.
ISOLATION: Check
MINIMIZING, DENYING, AND BLAMING: No shit – he just got her back to the situation that landed her on a suicide watch.
USING CHILDREN: Check.
ECONOMIC ABUSE: Of course he does
MALE PRIVILEGE: Check.
Jackpot! He earns the “Approved by Blaine” stamp and a free douche-bag to put all the shit he is so full of in.
Yikes. For as much as Clint must take his rancor out on the kid, Howard manages pretty well to keep his clearly-awful trauma to himself. It’s no wonder he prefers not to pay outward attention to anything but the stuff he watches to occupy himself.
I just realized, “Clint?” “Howard?” I’m seeing a first season episode of “Star Trek” here.
Aww, Ruth said she loves Billie.
Ruth loves Billie, she said so.
*glee*
Joyce, from just off-panel: “Yeeeeessssssss”
So…anyone else ready to hang “Sir” from a noose made of his own entrails? Also Cerberus called it on Howie’s behavior about three days ago.
Yes, Cerberus did call it…hmmmm….Cerberus calls a lot of things actually…..suspicious. The only logical conclusion is that Cerberus IS Willis in one of those incredibly convincing Mission Impossible masks. Think on this. The comment section’s favorite used phrase of “Damn you Willis” “Damn”, as in to HELL. The place the mythical creature Cerberus is guardian of! The pieces were all there from the begining!
… no… That would be… uh… any ways, did you all see that distraction over there! *sprints away into the buffer*
…somehow I read that as “into the buffet” and was like what, we’re catered now?
You need a demonic duck for that one 😉
Huh. So that would be almost as if Willis has multiple heads, and Cerberus is a the three-heade…
….
…. WHO’S THE THIRD HEAD?
*Drifts away, whistling innocently*
Obviously Cerb is just the person who keeps Willis from leaving his writing chamber? Since Cerberus is the guard to Hell, and apparently Willis can never leave according to the alttext of a recent comic.
So Ruth’s brother must live with her nemesis, and that’s what secures her obedience. It sounds like something from… Game of Thrones.
Where are all the people who said that Howard was terrible, now, huh?
(To the tune of “Where are all the people who said that Clint might be okay?”, but with more irony)
To be clear – this is a joke: not intended to reopen conversations best left unopened.
There it is. There’s the reason Ruth doesn’t feel like she can quit this job. That’s the reason Ruth still feels trapped by “Sir”. Clint is using Howard to keep Ruth under his influence. Ruth feels like she has to bear the brunt of his hostility to protect her little brother. And Howard still has at least 2 years until he can get away.
Cerberus has shared this a few times over the last arc, but it bears repeating.
http://www.ncdsv.org/images/powercontrolwheelnoshading.pdf
I’ve considered punching the punching-doesn’t-work problem, and I’ve decided it’s definitely worth a shot the second that smug fucker shows its metaphorical face.
I prefer to ignore my problems. There isn’t any problem you can’t ignore. Sure, it causes more problems in the long run, but I can ignore those, too.
I’m glad Howard’s situation has finally been made crystal clear.
I mean, it was heavily implied by Ruth’s previous behaviour, and he has always seemed a odd, but I still had this ‘are we being tricked’ feeling about his behaviour. (Like maybe he was an oblivious golden child, or even being taught to be an abuser by the old bastard)
* a BIT odd
I thought we could edit these comments?
Nope, there is no edit or delete. Only the almighty creator (David Willis) may do so after a comment has been posted.
I always figured it was entirely possible that gramps was just some manner of raging misogynist, and Howard was oblivious. The fact that that would be the best-case scenario is profoundly sad, but what can you do?
So has Howie just like, not heard any of this through the open door?
Howie has laser-boobie focus. Nothing can impede his mammarial search.
I mean, at least now we know with certainty why he’s so utterly withdrawn and asocial…sadly.
otherwise known as dissociation i think. I wouldn’t know, as they didn’t talk about it in Psych 101 and I’ve only heard about it from comments down here. Still unsure if it’s supposed to be one of those things that’s good in moderation, or something that’s a really bad sign
It’s a coping mechanism that can be indispensable in the moment but has plenty of negative long-term consequences.
Dissociation is a hell of a drug.
I think Howard has learnt the hard way that hearing what Ruth and Clint is talking about is a sure way to get into trouble.
Or get his sister into trouble.
“Way too many of my problems can’t be solved by punching.”
Dumbing of Age Book 7, coming next year to a Kickstarter near you!
Oooh yeah, Howard. I didn’t think of that.
Oh my God! How have I not noticed this page for an entire hour? Also, poor old Howard. Hope that he escapes from “sir” at some point
Billie should meet QC’s Faye.
the world is not yet ready for their friendship
hopefully, Faye would drag her to AA. Also, I think QC crossed over with Shortpacked!, so if they share a universe, there might be versions of the QC crew (sadly with no robots, or at least human versions of them) in the DoA!Verse
The robots are just ordinary computers in this universe.
Pintsize is Joe’s laptop.
where does that leave Bubbles? Combat drone?
Faye and (whole) family were cameoed in Freshman Family Weekend scene.
“Sir” should meet QC’s Faye.
With Bubbles!
Comic Reactions:
And there’s the sad confirmation that Howard is being abused as well. :C
Panel 1: Heh. I’m somewhat amused that Billie has so cottoned on to how Ruth tries to sabotage the relationship when in spiral space that she just defuses this in a second. Oh, you’re making this out to be a huge deal… wait. No, you’re just talking about me having to move dorms, which makes perfect sense. Meh.
I’d still like Ruth to move away from doing that and I think we’re seeing signs that she is and is getting healthier, but I’m amused that in the meantime Billie’s not even bothering to rise to it.
Panel 2: I have so many mixed feelings about this, because on the one hand yes, this response makes perfect sense. She does feel alienated from a lot of the people on her floor and now a lot of them know a lot of somewhat embarrassing stuff on her thanks to Mary’s bullshit.
I mean, given the comments Carla was getting when she was caring for Ruth, I can only imagine some of the “light-hearted” ribbing she’ll be getting especially given how much more that fits into the stereotype of “Stockholm Syndrome”.
And a fresh start isn’t really that much of a change. A different dorm hall doesn’t mean she can’t still crash at Ruth’s like she’s been doing and she’ll have a place that’s more away when she needs to get away from the drama over here.
But on the other hand, it’s also a sign of her self-loathing and her intentional isolation from support networks because she still views herself as poisonous to the well-being of others. Like, she’s going to a new dorm that she doesn’t even have to live in, this isn’t a dramatic change, but she’s acting like this will cut her off from everyone and she’ll never see them again and I think part of her would like that, to just slip and escape into the codependent side of her relationship with Ruth and push away the rest of the world.
And well, I’m just super glad she’s getting therapy, because that whole “you and me against the world” type of relationship that’s low on external support networks is a lot uglier in reality than it is in fantasy and a lot more unnecessarily stressful.
Really, in general, I’m just counting down the days until she starts her own therapy sessions.
I just wanted to add on that, if Billie does get transferred to a different dorm *cough* beuraucratic incompetence incoming *cough* Joyce is probably going to make sure Billie doesn’t alienate herself. Because Joyce does view Billie as a friend and is very willing to support her the same way she (Joyce) gets supported by Dorothy, Becky, Sal, etc all.
And Billie has encouraged Joyce in this in the past, however unintentionally, by acknowledging that Joyce is her best college friend. (And an unintentional good choice by Billie, there, because Joyce is excellent to have in the best-friend corner.)
I really don’t want Billie to loose her “shower buddie”. But just as you say, we can count on Joyce to keep in contact.
And of course, Becky will keep trailing after Billie like a puppy every chance she gets.
Panel 3: Oh Billie, I love you. Like, all Ruth sees is the trap “sir” left for her, the way he’s caged her in and removed her options, but Billie sees the silver lining of it all. She’s not disappearing into a place where “sir” has all the control. Yes, he has undue influence and power here and a lot more control over her life than is remotely reasonable, but she’s at least got a semblance of autonomy in that restriction and she can use that to heal enough to gain the rest of her autonomy in time.
Also, I frickin’ love the “sir general gramps” nickname. It’s just beautiful in every way.
Panel 4: Billie, stop, you’re making me love you more and more in every panel you’re in.
And yeah, the fantasy is to lay out the assholes who hurt the ones you love. But in reality, that’s often not a good decision to make and oftentimes the person actually being abused will ask you not to intervene in a way that is going to make things harder for them like that.
But it’s hard and I understand Billie’s urge to punch. It’s hard to watch someone you love have to be civil and play the game with an asshole manipulator twisting them to gain extra power over their life and remove things they love (I still loathe my ex’s mom for destroying her confidence in her poetry writing and her budding career simply out of fear that someone she knows might finally find out about her alcoholism and how that facilitated her abuse of her daughter and then slamming her hard on her sexuality at a time when she really didn’t need that shit).
It’s hard to stand back and do nothing against someone who is hurting the person you care about. But, in the long run, and by experiencing it myself, I’ve learned the value in just giving the survivor tools to make their own break and giving them support and letting them define their best strategy to handle their abusers. Because true escape can’t be given from the outside.
Especially with something like abuse that so often robs power and agency. The reclamation of that for one’s self is a key part of recovery from that.
Thank you so much for this commentary.
Panel 5: :c :_c
So yeah, that’s the ugly confirmation of the red flags. He is using Howard as a combination hostage/stress ball. Something to squeeze and twist when “set off” and where he can carefully modulate the “setting off” so as to reduce Ruth’s ability to defy him in any real way.
And that’s one of the uglier parts of abuse, the way they make you feel guilty for “causing” their outbursts against yourself or those you care about. So that you end up carefully moderating everything they do so as to eliminate their need to attack and in doing so end up more in a position where they have power over you.
And it’s such a twisted exploitation of empathy, that most beautiful of human emotions. Making that into a weakness to be turned to gaining power and control, because we all have those we care about and want less to see them get hurt than be hurt themselves.
And every abuser I’ve gone up against has used that shit against me. My shitty old employer that discriminated against me deliberately engineered a no-win situation for the one person at the company who stood up to me in order to make an example of the price to be paid for supporting the (slur for trans woman). My dad and uncle attacked my ex to remove my active support when dealing with family. My current head of school has taken to using my strong support for the queer/trans students at the school as weapons to “get back at me”, making oblique statements about how “sexuality has no place on campus” whenever some abusive het harassment shit goes down and manufacturing what turns out to be bullshit statements about me letting down my trans kids in important ways.*
*I really really hate this man with all of my hate and I can’t wait to be rid of him in my life.
And it works or at least it works really well against me, because I can take a large amount of shit when it’s happening to me personally, but I fold up like an accordion when those I care about are threatened and I’ll go to a lot of lengths to try and protect them from harm. And there’s a reason that “using children” is a wedge on the Power and Control Wheel.
So I understand Ruth freaking out, but I hope one day she can also realize that it’s not her pissing him off that causes him to “work his aggression off” on Howard. It’s him being a shitty abuser and he’s just using her actions as an excuse to do the abuse he already wants to do (and is probably exploiting the same thing with Howard, making him believe that if he speaks up it’ll go poorly for his sister, which is probably why he so nervously asked Billie to take care of her).
Abusers abuse not because they are set off. But because they are abusers. And the only way to escape their bullshit is to cut them out of your life entirely.
And I believe that Ruth will manage that someday. Howard too. And then they can both piss on “sir’s” grave and deface his headstone together.
Panel 6: Aw, she finally said “I love you”… also, yeah, Billie is being wonderful in so many “oh my heart” ways, but she’s also one who doesn’t back down from asshole abusers. She’s “alpha percussion instrument, head cheerleader” and she’s likely had to stare down a lot of dangerous assholes in her time.
And there are few things an abuser tends to hate more than assertive women who don’t buy their bullshit.
And Billie, sure, not every problem can be solved by punching. But it’s not a bad one for abusers. Just ask Toedad… or Richard Spencer:
http://richardspencerpunched.com/
I dunno, part of me wishes I had popped my dad one on my way out. Give him back the punch he laid on me when I was a kid.
(Multiple appropriate gestures of support) I’m sorry you’ve had to go through that. And it is indeed a shitty abuser trick. You impress me every time you talk about how much shit you deal with on a regular basis, with your ability to not only stand up, but spit in its face.
I understand this. =( Abusers SUCK.
I wonder how Willis manages to portray them so realistically. He said this was kind of autobiographical. I hope he didn’t go through that!
i dunno about physical abuse, but from what I’ve read of his blog posts, his Mom was definitely a big ol’ inspiration for Joyce’s mom
>>>>’Abusers abuse not because they are set off. But because they are abusers.'<<<<
Very important to emphasize. I've read a book called 'Why Does He Do That?' by Lundy Bancroft and a very important thing he points out is that usually when abusers say they are 'set off', they perform very calculated behaviours which show they were NOT out of control at all. They have CHOSEN that moment to act, they have not been *set off* or *triggered* as they would eagerly claim to shift blame onto the abused rather than themselves.
CW: Abuse and rape discussion
Yeah, Bancroft has some really good demonstrations about how “out of control” or “set off” is a myth that abusers use to try and eel away from responsibility for their actions.
CW for this next link: Descriptions of abuse
Like, he has a really good one where he asks abusers about the limits of their violence and why they were able to stop before doing something that would get them into trouble and how they always have an excuse that reveals that they were still very much in control of their actions and could have stopped any time. (Look for the paragraph that starts “Bancroft asks the” in the link below):
http://www.derrickjensen.org/endgame/lundy-bancroft-abusers/
There’s a similar one on rapists not done by Bancroft but by someone else I can’t remember that basically looked at all the excuses rapists give about not understanding consent cues, but when you look at their behaviors in workplaces it’s clear they absolutely do understand consent cues, they are just deliberately not applying them to the people they attack.
And it’s all a really important thing to remember because abusers and rapists thrive on these false societal narratives that let them deflect responsibility and frequently use it as a tool to abuse making the victim feel they did something to “set off” their attacker.
That’s a reminder I need from time to time. It’s my instinct to try and be fair to my past abusers. To try and understand them. But then I remember times when my mom tricked me into getting into a car with her. So that I couldn’t escape. Then destroying me over forgetting to turn in homework and saying “I think you have a problem with your soul” when I told her I thought I was going crazy. I remember how it didn’t seem like anything was wrong until I couldn’t leave.
It’s easy to blame myself for that, since I’m on the autism spectrum. To just say, “well, I’m dumb, I didn’t see the signs.” But then I remember how every car ride after I was afraid if we were alone. Even if there were no signs. Because there were never any signs. She was always, always in control.
… NGL, this triggered a minor epiphany for me.
All those times I’ve worried I was gonna upset my current (delightfully non-toxic and supportive) boyfriend because I was flashing back to something that had “set off” my abuser…
…. THAT PRICK.
I’ve been a bit of the opposite in response to abuse. I was perfectly willing to be the “stress ball” but the instant someone else got targeted, I was not standing for that shit. I found out one of my brothers was in a bad place because of someone, so I took them aside and “had a talk” with them. Some sports team bullshit. So when that didn’t work, I contacted my friend in the varsity team, and the varsity team came down on the freshman team like a bag of bricks. I admitted a days ago that when my dad tried to be abusive towards my mom I pinned him to a wall with my hands on his throat. Never did anything like that again. My (still living friends) call it my “papa bear” instinct, which is kinda embarrassing, but also true I guess. Also, I am incredibly sorry about what you’re currently having to deal with with this shithead admin and *hugs* the crap your “father” put you through.
Hugs. Compassion. I can’t stand when they make it ‘your’ fault; because haha, fuck, it’s always ‘your’ fault. More hugs.
This essay makes me want to research what makes people abusers. Is it really just something you are? I just feel like if it’s something that can headed off and crushed before they hurt people, it’s an option that should be pursued just as much as supporting the abused. Preventative action and all that. It would definitely be slow work and not that reliably testable considering that anything like a controlled experiment into creating abusers would be grossly and massively unethical. But i think it could be worth it to help future generations.
Maladaptive behaviour to cope with stresses in life?
There isn’t a predictable indicator of who will or who will not be an abuser because it comes from the values they learn from a variety of people around them and how they think.
Abusers can have any kind of personality and any kind of background – they can be shy or confident, pursuer or pursued, and they can be someone who spends their entire worklife helping other people (as a teacher or a doctor) and yet still be an abuser at home.
not predictable as of today’s research. Who knows what the future holds?
To be serious, I know that we don’t understand what indicators there are, but that’s why I want to do the research. Maybe they just haven’t been found yet
*All the hugs*
ruth said i love you!!!!!
I’m surprised Billie doesn’t have her own apartment, actually. Are freshmen required to live on campus the first year?
i wasnt required to live in campus my first year. i think its an option if you can afford to live on campus. though its probably a requirement if you pledge to a fraternity or a sorority.
Yup! It’s an Indiana University requirement.
What an odd requirement.
More and more American colleges are making that a requirement as a way of “building community” or “institutional loyalty” or some crap like that. At the same time it does make things easier for freshmen when it comes to classes and establishing social support networks that help prepare them in some ways for living off campus. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad.
Either that or it’s a way of collecting dorm fees, which are roughly as expensive as tuition.
As was noted in some of the comment threads about Mary, there is something to be said for forcing kids to (learn how to) cohabitate with other people who are not like them (or their families, or neighbors). Part of that whole “preparing them for the real world” thing.
And yeah, there’s also taking financial advantage of them. See above!
Pretty common in the US…my college (Wisconsin-Whitewater) required it for the first two years, with an exemption if you were at least 21.
And then I can add another US hypocrisy, land of the free, my foot! Due to all the times I have heard that I live in a socialist dictatorship with no free will and mental slavey, I have started a list of thing that are less free in “the land of the free” than in my country of “concrete barracks and thought police” aka Sweden – currently in top ten (depends which survey you check) best countries to live in.
America was never the land of the free.
except in the sense of ‘haha those slaves thought that they could side with our enemies to get manumitted but we totally won this battle, haha, america is the land where freemen rule, not dumb slaves, land of the freemen home of the brave amirite guys’
america you got some cool point but you also got sooo maaaany completely asslord points, can i move somewhere else plskthx
That kinda requires acknowledging not everybody’s free though. Changes the phrase.
Actually you weasel your way around without actually mentioning it: “the whole Number of free Persons, including those bound to Service for a Term of Years, and excluding Indians not taxed, three fifths of all other Persons.”
Fancy wording doesn’t actually change the meaning though, especially when contrasting ‘free persons’ with other folks in the country, thereby implying that there are folks who are not free there. I stand by my ‘never the land of the free’.
The uni I went to had the same requirement, with the only exception being if you still lived at home.
Most universities require dorm living for freshman and sophomore year if they’re under 21.
My college required it. The only way you could get out of it is if you were local and lived with either a parent or a spouse.
To add to everyone else: University of Denver had that requirement in the 1980s. I believe it still does. You have to live on campus as a freshman and sophomore unless you are living with a parent, sibling, grandparent, spouse or legal guardian who is over 21 unless you are over 21. One of the reasons I went to DU for my Masters (besides it being an excellent school) was so my sister, who was a sophomore, could move out of the dorms.
The university claims it is done to make sure the students are serious and studious rather than partying and dropping out. Evidence suggests this could be true.
It’s weirdly wonderful how mature and understanding they are to each other.
Wow! =( That grandfather sounds like a real dick. I have seen grandparents hate children because they don’t like the partner their own kid chose. But how is that the children’s fault? My own grandparents didn’t really like my Mom because my father married out (of Romanichal) and no matter what my mother did for them, they were still mean to her and me. Some people are just rotten to the core.
I would say that it derives at least in part from a refusal to see the child as anything other than simply an extension of the child’s parent(s), whom they are already predisposed against.
Wait. Is this the first time she says “I love you.” to her?
By my count, yes. Joyce gets her wish!
What does that “third person” declaration mean? Remember Billie couldn’t hold back a blush when Dorothy said “Guys, she’s in love” in front of Walky and Joyce, the latter of course started shipping them down to naming babies.
Aaaand the “Howard is abused too” theory is confirmed.
Can we say “I told you so” to everyone who was hating on him?
Not “hating”, but. I did find him annoying because he seemed to be the one getting all the good things and being blissfully unaware of the crap Ruth was going through. Like, just enjoying all the privilege. Looking back, I guess the fact that Ruth didn’t seem to resent him ought to have tipped me off (?)
(And no, nobody told me so. I must have skipped the comments on that topic)
Yeah, well, you missed quite a comment party on the topic. “Blissfully unaware” never really seemed the option, particularly after we found out that Sir Grampa’s problem was with the kids’ father – no way he’d just target the girl and leave the boy alone then.
I don’t see why not!
Red-flag spotters were right, again.
That second panel makes me realize just how small Billie’s college social circle is, and that’s pretty sad.
Ruth: I love you, Billie
Me: eeeeeeeeee!! awwwww!!! *flatlines*
Poor Howard. God I hate this Clint asshole more with every day that passes.
Did I miss something earlier, or did Ruth just casually drop the L word?
Damn shame that’s how the world works ain’t it Billie?
I’m honestly crying for Howard right now.
OK there’s a ton of sadness to process in this one, but…
“Way too many of my problems can’t be solved by punching” is the most quotable line ever.
anyone who’s been in an abusive relationship knows that if someone tries to “defend you” against your abuser, the abuser waits until later and takes it out on you and other victims. but i doubt Billie’s aware of that abusive relationship dynamic. all she knows is someone’s hurting someone she loves, and she wants to defend her. it is incredibly difficult, and time consuming, to extricate someone from an abusive relationship, especially when they are holding other people hostage and they’re your patriarch. your life literally depends on them in every way, because they’ve made sure of it. so yeah. Billie eventually listened to Ruth and did some support by looking for Howard.
oh fuck. Well, comment section theories proven. Howard is a horrific whipping boy for anything that annoys Clint, and his attitude is retreating and dissociating on almost Amber levels
Yay! Totally called it!
…wait a minute. 🙁
yeah. But…
GAME OF THRONES! Try to find Game of Thrones for hours until you forget about your horrible life entirely for a little while!
I often have Billie’s complaint. As a woman, I probably have it just as much. Man… A lot of my life growing up would have been easier if less people were griping at me about being super polite and more were being my friends ’cause I punched good.
So, “Too Many of My Problems Can’t Be Solved By Punching” is the new book title, right?
Not long enough.
That feeling when you’re wondering if abusive behaviors are just sick, twisted warped versions of normal parental behaviors, or if your beloved father who supports you in pretty much any endeavor you go for and taught you so much is actually also slightly abusive…
Yeah, I find myself wondering about that one too. My mother’s father was a capital-A Abuser and pretty much unremittingly terrible person. My mom? She did her best. She should have been in therapy so her best was better, but she did her best with what she had to work with. For the most part, I think she was a good parent, but she definitely sometimes strayed into territory that was questionable at best.
Usually abusers can vary in degree so it is possible for someone to be slightly abusive and to be so without realising it. Since you seem to get along with your Dad and he seems to be willing to listen to you from earlier comments you have made about him, he can probably change (if he is still showing harmful behaviours) to not be if you talk it out with him, because he seems to genuinely care what you think.
*sniff* that for understanding, you guys
meant to say thanks
Well, Ruth, at least he is old, you have something to look forward to, you will be free of him eventually. Maybe you will get lucky and it will be sooner than later. Maybe start catching whatever flu/cold bugs are going around, and then going home for visits?
Something tells me Clint hasn’t been sick a day in his life.
I think you’ve found the title of your next volume in that last panel there
I would like to thank Reltzik for teaching me that my anus was formerly known as my blastophore.
(I couldn’t reply directly to his comment)
fetal development is fascinating, isn’t it.
“I mean who am I going to miss, Walky?” “Ffft” “Like not even a little bit” “There’s no way I’d miss him” “I mean man, it’s not like I’m starting to miss him already” “Good riddance” lol Come on Billie you’re friends