I remembered that my birthday means it’s also Ultra Car’s birthday. And that this year in particular, Ultra Car is now 30 years old, since I first drew her on April 3, 1987. So for this month’s second Patreon bonus strip, here’s a scene from the Ultra Car crossover episode of Dexter & Monkey Master over at the Dumbing of Age Patreon.
(meanwhile, the dumbing of age book 6 kickstarter continues)
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Joyce: OMG OMG OMG ALL MY DREAMS ARE COMING TRUE
“It makes me so happy that I’m going to ignore that Sarah’s kind of groping my boob!”
Doesn’t count if it’s just the heel.
How are you doing Taffy?
Somewhat passable, leaning toward pretty good. Getting along better with the girlfriend; we’re even talking about seeing Power Rangers again while it’s still showing, which seems like a good sign. Mom’s boyfriend claims not to remember anything he said while he was blackout drunk, but that’s never been a proper indicator of his actual recollection. We’re still looking for alternate housing, but Mom seems intent on keeping her new job, so it’s going to be here, back in our old town, or in the middle, which is a huge comfort. Once we’ve settled in and I’ve secured transportation, I’ll be looking into therapy and counselling, and hopefully finding work somewhere between everything else. Thank you for asking.
Good to hear that things are getting sorted out at least. Was sort of worried since it’d been a little while since your last comment about life stuff.
Oh, wow, it kinda has. Days tend to blend into each other.
Glad to see it’s getting better!
Not so much “getting better” as “sucking a little less”. Most of it comes from having the clarity of mind to at least start forming a plan. Once I’m actually in a position to start enacting said plan, then I can say it’s getting better.
Okay. Sounds like life is looking up. Yet again, I wish you good luck in making your mistakes into lessons and making your situation better
Oh my God she’s going progressively lower.
Possibly the best avatar/comment pairing I’ve seen in a while. I can’t stop giggling
… apparantly Sarah is turned on (turns to villinous smiles and stealth hug-to-groping maneuvers) when someone helps her seek revenge.
Is there even a word for that?
Revenge-ally-sexual?
It’s like watching the Punisher team up with Squirrel Girl.
Real talk: I would buy that comic in a heartbeat.
Also, Punisher has teamed up with the Power Pack before.
Do you know if SG has ever met Kamala Kahn? I’m finally reading Ms. Marvel, I already read Squirrel Girl, and I can’t help but think they would be besties.
Gwenpool can tag along, but they’d probably ditch her.
In All-New Avengers Annual #1, they played a videogame and SG won, so Kamala had to buy baked goods for SG’s squirrel friends. But it was presented as in-universe fanfic, so I don’t know if it counts.
Patsy Walker: aka Hellcat #2. They (and a stack of other female heroes) met up with Patsy for burgers
I would love to see Squirrel Girl and Gwenpool meet.
Gwenpool was a pushover when Squirrel Girl beat up the entire whole Marvel Universe.
But they can still be besties over pizza.
Because clones or something.
Punisher has teamed up on many occasions with Daredevil and Spiderman, which is both runny and serious at the same time. In the comic Civil War, he follows Spiderman
Don’t forget Punisher and Archie!
This feels more like a Doctor Doom plot.
Doctor Doom would never team up with Squirrel Girl. He’s legit terrified of her.
She has my favorite superpower: the power to win as long as it’s funny.
I like when the characters are self-aware. Sarah in panel 3, of course, but even moreso, Joyce in panel 6!
–what, that comment wasn’t meant to be a self-reply.
I don’t blame him. She defeats every scheme he tries.
Such good friends
Sarah no
You were the Chosen One!
You were supposed to bring balance to relationships, not leave them in darkness!
You were my sister, Sarah! I loved you!
Hmmm… No-one really *has* the high ground here, do they?
What is this “high ground” you speak of?
Jacob has the ‘high ground’.
…
…
…
…
…The ‘high ground’ is his penis.
Stay good, Sarah!
So, I’m confused how many points do you deduct for a character for trying to break up a couple with no legitimate reason? also in the case of using joyce to do it would that be 10 or 12 points for the manipulation of a close friend?
…just out of curiosity, are there even ‘legitimate’ reasons for breaking up a couple? I mean, it sounds as if someone would have the right to break someone else up if they deem it necessary in their own opinion, but to me that sounds pretty wrong… (but that’s probably due to the word “legitimate” – it has this connotation of ‘being on the right side to want/do this’)
Yes. There are legitimate reasons. Its important you use the right tools which might lead to a slow frustrating process but if a relationship is abusive or otherwise destructive to at least one party its a legitimate reason to try to break them up. Also if their relationship is somehow the foundation of something evil like if they discover that between ones brains and the others connections they can really oppress people go ahead and use tools you wouldn’t normally use. I’m using fictional examples but Helga was right to split up Olga and her fiancé in Hey Arnold. Alexandrite was right to split up Malachite in Steven Universe.
Okay, thanks for explaining.
In my mind I just thought about Jacob and Raidah or other happy couples (for now they seem happy and nothing seems to be wrong with them. For now), so interfering in a happy relationship for selfish reasons (e.g. teenagers breaking up their best friend and his/her girlfriend or boyfriend because they feel left out or left behind or something like that) is what I’d deem wrong. But I guess when one gets to know about abuse in a relationship, it’d be logical to try and help the suffering party involved and support them. I guess I’m just to inexperienced in life and relationships to really have a thorough understanding in this.
So much is wrong with what they’re saying, but I still have to squee a little because (despite the circumstances) I can see genuine enjoyment in Joyce’s final line about some facsimile of the sisterly relationship that she wants and Sarah needs. Also, it makes makes things simpler for Joycob and I am solidly on board for that ship.
You’re surprised? I mean, I actually really like Sarah, and I don’t think she’s bad person. But she’s definitely a lawful neutral at best (currently).
Sarah: “I’m not evil!”
Dina: “You are smart, and you are mean.”
Sarah. “I’ll cop to smart and mean.”
(Granted the act performed then was net good because Ross is awful, but definitely a good example of how Sarah operates.)
I would say she’s probably true neutral. She’s not overly fussed about the rules so much as the consequences- for example, hitting a dude with a baseball bat, then again when he no longer posed a visible threat. Also this definitely break society’s rules. And lastly, her reaction to Dana smoking weed was, for the most part, “how does this affect me?”
I don’t think TN would’ve bothered with the bat at all. Or looked out for Joyce in the first place.
I relate to Sarah a lot. Team human sandpaper!
Like not in terms of this extreme in pettiness but just knowing and no longer really caring how “unpleasant” I can come across at times. I know what I am by now.
It’s happened, Joyce has finally been weaponised.
Humanity is doomed.
Dooooomed!
Her triangle smile will destroy all in its path!
oh wow i haven’t thought about dumbing of triangle in forever XD
“My God… they’ve weaponized pleasantness!”
Doooooomed!
Not enough Doom, imo.
She could have used her powers for good, but now her innocence is ironically being used for evil. :-:
It is worse than unleashing all the Osmonds at the same time.
Weaponized sunshine
Like using a magnifying glass on an ant.
*Initiates obligatory Mad Scientist laugher*
okay
Ah, come on, Sarah. Being unfriendly is one thing, and I wholeheartedly support that, but you don’t need to be so *petty*.
I doubt she’d be this petty if Jacob were with some random chick, but her and Raidah have a bit of history and Sarah is hated for some pretty stupid reasons so… petty is kind of par for the Sarah/Raidah interaction course
Love Sarah’s schemey faces in the last 2 panels.
The Doctor: “Never trust a hug. It’s just a way to hide your face.”
And ohhhhhh, Sarah’s face in panel 5…
Joyce/Jacob, gonna happen.
I’m sure nothing bad will come of this.
Sarah, no.
You’ll hurt Joyce and Jacob, and Raidah can always get a new boyfriend! This means of spite is both a double edged sword AND easily rectified. Think of something else!
I don’t think Sarah cares if Raidah gets a new boyfriend, as long as she’s to with Jacob.
Still toxic, for sure.
*not
What the hell, autocorrect? I was right.
If the point of breaking them up is spite, then her getting a new guy is an easy way to undo said spite.
It’s spite combined with her attraction to Jacob. She wants him, but she’ll settle for Joyce getting with him if it means Raidah doesn’t get to be with him. Because spite.
(spiiiiiiite)
Be careful, if she thinks about Raidah for much longer that hug will turn to arm strangling.
Oh no oh no oh nooooo I’m rolling away from this situation nooooooo…
Okay so I’m glad Sarah hasn’t taken Joyce’s crush on Jacob personally or become jealous. But this isn’t…better. It feels a little…manipulate-y. I don’t want Jacob to be with Raidah anymore than Sarah does, but the more you push the more you’ll draw him closer to her. Sometimes people need to figure things out for themselves, and Jacob may not be far from that discovery for himself. This isn’t for Jacob’s benefit so much as it is Raidah’s detriment and I can’t get behind that. Even if I greatly dislike her.
…On a more positive note, I love Sarah’s face in the third panel. A very badass line.
It is 100% manipulative. Sarah doesn’t even want him! She just wants to make Raida cry, and Jacob is collateral damage with no say in the matter. Bad Sarah, bad!
OTOH I’m so glad to have some shenanigans with way lower stakes. Thanks for the breather, Willis!
In fact, given that “Sure, whoever” and Sarah’s obvious awareness of Joyce’s crush, it looks like Sarah’s backing Joyce/Jacob, if only to stop Raidah/Jacob.
I suspect this is bad news for Joyce/Jacob in the long run though. 🙁
Pretty sure Sarah does want him- she looked pretty wounded when she seemed to first realise Joyce liked him. But she’s said herself she just wants a shag, which isn’t what HE wants.
Personally I would love to see a healthy Jacob/Joyce relationship, they have a lot of potential. But I also want to learn more about Raidah. We know very little about her, beyond healthy self-esteem and a belief (justified by what she’d seen of the situation) that Sarah betrayed her friend and got her taken out of college, after which they’ve both been petty and unpleasant to each other in that way that teenage girls do. (They’re 19, right?)
Jacob and Raidah seems happy enough together, so far..
-baps- No, bad Sarah. Don’t take advantage of Joyce’s in-denial-crush and poor understanding of boundaries to attempt to get revenge against a person you don’t like.
Is… is Sarah suggesting that she wouldn’t mind if Joyce got together with Jacob as long as Raidah loses him? Cause that’s the implication I got, but it seems kinda extreme.
Yeah that’s pretty much exactly what she’s saying.
I do believe you have accurately summed up Sarah’s position on the matter.
Sarah always has such ‘We can do it’ Rosie riveter poses when she’s talking about breaking up Raidah and Jacob
We Can Ship It!
Except it’s more “We can sink it!”
I was not expecting this…
Yes.
I just thought she meant she didn’t care if Jacob got together with anyone or anything as it’s not Raidah.
“And I totally won’t ask you for graphic details when you two hook up.”
*whispers into Sarah’s ear* “but you may or may not be totally free to talk about it whenever you don’t think I’m around.”
Damn it, Sarah. This isn’t the Renegade run!
I was 100% sure yesterday that Sarah had learned her lesson but then spite DOUBLED DOWN TODAY!?!?!?
I don’t know, Joyce has been shown to use renegade interrupts before…that said, paragon till death. Except for a few occasions like that sexist Batarian on Omega in Mass Effect 2 that you have to talk to to get to Archangel.
Also Headbutting a Krogan in 2, because that was just-that was just too awesome to not do.
Yeah that was pretty good…so was whenever I got the chance to pull a “Shut up, Hannibal” moment and just shoot a villain mid-motive rant.
I shove the merc out the window on Ilium while recruiting Thane every time. It’s just too good a scene not to.
Renegade Run Sarah would have baseball-batted Joyce’s patent smile within two seconds of waking up.
Sure is a nice hostage-taking hug 😛
Once again, this is not one of the horrible directions I had expected this to go. Well played.
Joyce’s “I’m making my greatest ship HAPPEN and am totally not being used to drive a wedge between two decent people out of spite” face is hilarious, I’m sorry, it makes me laugh. XD
I can’t stop being amazed at people offhandedly referring to bullies as ‘decent people’. If Raidah is a good person to everyone except Sarah, that means that she’s selective, not that she’s inherently great. This is an exception that disproves the rule, not proves it.
/notbitteratall
and I mean, even on the side of people who think Sarah miss-told/exaggerated/something the story and therefor that Raidah’s behaviour to Sarah is justified(there were a good few), there’s the Raidah/Dina exchange at the mall.
^^^ exactly
I guess whether she’s a decent person now depends on if she’s trying to be more subtle so people don’t side with Sarah, trying to let go of her grudge but not ready to, or trying to let go of the grudge because its bad for Raidah. She definitely wasn’t when she was actively trying to isolate Sarah.
First thing: Raidah/Sarah. Raidah believes that Sarah betrayed her close friend resulting in her being taken out of college- and it’s been hinted at that Dana is NOT on the road to recovery right now. She thinks Sarah really fucked Dana over- and, with the limited information she had, not for no reason. Easier to believe that grumpy Sarah was in the wrong than that she missed some warning signs of Dana’s trouble and that Dana hid the rest from her.
That doesn’t justify her behaviour- which we’re not sure of the full extent of, it could range from literally all we’ve seen (which isn’t much unprovoked) to much worse. But it DOES explain it and I think make it much more understandable.
As for the mall, yeah, she behaved like a dickhead- but out of ignorance, NOT malice. Until we learn about something, we don’t know about it. It seems likely that she’s has limited and flawed prior “knowledge” of neurodivergent people.
Right now, to me she comes across as a character who has flaws- like all characters in this comic- but is far from a monster. I’d like to learn more about her without the filter of Sarah’s experience.
I know Raidah is likely a mostly decent person with a blind spot. But chances are so is Joyce’s mom.
Raidah knows Sarah chose her place in college over Dana’s.
She chose to believe Sarah betrayed Dana.
Unless Sarah’s outright lying Dana expected Sarah to magically know what Dana’s home life was like and then put Dana’s well being over her own future, or magically know exactly how to get Dana help.
Sarah was in a no win situation and did her best.
That or the she decided that Moondancer clearly is exaggerate because she cares more about her grades than other ponies, or decided I don’t really care about Moondancer’s problems she’s just a recluse charity case anyways Lyra is the pony who really matters.
This is entirely too reasonable.
You’re scaring me.
Stop Making Sense?
Yeah, I’m definitely still only seeing one decent person there.
I have become Joyce, Destroyer of Relationshits.
“Destroyer of Relationshits”
. . .
I don’t want to know.
Are those wings I see or is that a set of horns? I can’t really tell
But Jacob and Raidah are actually in a healthy relationship, aren’t they? Guys, this doesn’t seem right. Guys. Guys?
She does come off as a bit possessive but other than that it’s more about her being a shitty person to Sarah despite her doing the right thing.
She was also shitty to Dina, don’t forget that.
Mean to DIna?
RELEASE THE HOUNDS!
It isn’t right.
It’s a Willis comic.
It’s not right and I’m sure it’ll backfire but I’m also going to need to get to know Raidah a bit more before I actually feel anything about this happening to her. She just comes off as kind of a dick right now.
Joyce’s acceptance of non-binary aspects does not yet extend to morality.
Sarah is so sinister and Joyce is so head-in-the-clouds. I like it
This comic has so many implications. We know for sure that Sarah isn’t jealous or upset that Joyce is crushing on Jacob, but the reason for her not wanting Raidah to have Jacob even if she can’t could mean two very different things. On one hand it could be she hates Raidah so much that she wants nothing else but for her to suffer. On the other hand, she might be wanting to get Jacob away from her because she views her as a bad person and what better way than to send in Joyce who is the opposite of Sarah. Options are it’s the former or a combination of the two, but hopefully at least part of it comes from a good place. Joyce does not need more bad things happening to her Sarah.
She looked pretty crushed in the last panel of the strip where she seemed to realise Joyce has eyes for Jacob. I think this is “this option is the lesser of the evils” to her.
http://www.dumbingofage.com/2017/comic/book-7/02-everything-youve-ever-wanted/corner/
What. No, Sarah, NO! Bad. Don’t use your friends as unwitting weapons against your enemies
I feel like Sarah should start laughing like Emperor Palpatine after the last panel.
Exactly!
I honestly did not see this plot twist coming, as in Sarah would plan to use Joyce to seduce(?) Jacob out of spite for Raidah. This is some terrifying drama waiting to happen.
I’d have less of a problem with this if it wasn’t “Raidah isn’t right for him” and more “Raidah’s a crappy person.” Then I could at least fool myself into thinking it wasn’t petty.
That said, I do hope this leads to a proper conflict between Sarah and Raidah. Or at least Joyce defending Sarah to her.
I am becoming increasingly convinced that, despite her friends awful attitude towards Dina, Raidah is the obvious protagonist of a story we just aren’t privy to.
Raidah was pretty awful to Dina as well; “condescension” is rather an understatement here:
http://www.dumbingofage.com/2012/comic/book-2/05-saturdays-all-right-for-slighting/challenged/
The fact that she was less obviously horrible than her friends is no excuse. For one thing, those are the friends she chose.
No doubt Raidah has good qualities too; we’re all complicated and contradictory. So far I think the portrayal of her relationship with Jacob has been quite positive. However, the fact is a large portion of the character we’ve seen has been quite negative, with no hint of the redeeming qualities we know about, say, Sarah. Frankly for me it’d take quite a lot of redemption before I’d ever forgive the way she and her group demeaned Dina.
Well yeah everyone’s the hero of their own story. Mary’s the hero in her own story.
Wait what huh ? What just- what’s going on !? what’s Sarah up too I’m confused…
Of course. Nothing can ever go wrong. Never.
Oh god. Walky is being the voice of reason and Joyce has officially become Sarah’s “Dragon”. The world as we know it is doomed. Doomed I tell you!!
Sarah is Dio and Joyce is her stand.
(I don’t even know what I’m talking about I haven’t seen JOJO yet)
You were expecting someone who knew they were talking about But It Was I: DIO!!!! Get ready for that joke from fans a lot. Also, watch Antfish’s abridged series, it’s all you need to know.
Sarah is Dio but Joyce is Enrico Pucci XD
So…senpai noticed her?
Um, that may not mean what you think it means.
Well, I did just noticed I misspelled sempai. I wonder what it means with an ‘n’. Huh, teacher.
It was the second part, wasn’t it? I believe I have the general idea as to its meaning, given the context I’ve vaguely recall seeing it in. The use, or as it seems, misuse of it, it where the joke is. I’ve been gone for far too long, me thinks. Or not long enough, all depends on your point of view.
Oh. Oh no. I wanted Joyce to get with Jacob…but not like this. :c Sarah, this is BAD.
Do you understand Know ? This is what happens when shipping goes to far.
Welp then again I kind of want to see how this plays out.
Apparently, even when it’s horrible, We Can Ship This.
….. is there some synthesis of “Okay, Sarah gets it” and “No, Sarah, no” that doesn’t just cancel itself out? Because if so, this is it.
Sarah gets it. And Sarah is going to use it to her best advantage.
…Sarah NO.
Also, those last two panels are giving me Pinkie and the Brain flashbacks
Second to last panel
Joyce: So what are we gonna do today Sarah?
Sarah: The same thing we try to do every day Joyce.
Final panel
Sarah: Take over the world.
Joyce: Yaaayyyy!!!
Sarah: Are you pondering what I’m pondering?
Joyce: I think so Sarah, but how do we get the zebra to wear rubber pants?
Also, Panel 6? No, Joyce, that’s not how Sarah hugs a friend. That’s how Sarah holds a rocket launcher.
What a perfectly appropriate turn of phrase.
Joyce…honey…wake up and smell the coffee before you get hurt.
…they are getting along at least?
I know everyone else is mad at Sarah for being petty, but I guess part of me has sort of accepted Willis’ joy for spite (or having his characters enjoy spite at least), so I’m mostly just sorta happily surprised that Sarah is fine with Joyce’s crush on and compatibility with Jacob.
Honestly, spite and pettiness are not always bad. I grew up utterly incapable of either – I would literally help my bullies on a test 5 minutes after they reduced me to crying during the period. And guess what? Everyone walked all over me and then gave a shit on top. At some point you just gotta know how to hold a grudge. Raidah was TERRIBLE to Sarah, and let splash damage from that land on her friends, too. If Sarah now works to expose her for the fuck she is, all the good to her.
That said, the best thing Joyce could do here is ask Jacob what Raidah has told him about Sarah, then compare notes.
Yea anger and spite is natures shortcut to teaching you to punish bad people who hurt you. And if you don’t punish bad people when they hurt you why would they decide not to hurt you again?
Sometimes liking mean people is natures way of having you placate them so they are not worse to you. So you might have on some level either hoped if you were nice to them they would be nice to you of feared if you didn’t help them they would be worse to you. And your emotions don’t always leave when they are no longer useful or propose the best method of action.
(yeah I absolutely hoped they would be nicer to me, but that was on the conscious level as a rationalization. Fact of the matter was, I’d decide once and for all that I am NOT helping them, then get distracted, then get asked ‘oh hey can you help’ and be like ‘yeah sure’ before I ever managed to connect it to the situation just before. Dissociation and pushing away memories as a way of dealing with traumatic situation has its drawbacks.)
Thanks for sharing on behalf of the universe I’m sorry that happened to you.
Honestly, I love Sarah when she’s evil.
No! Ultra Car, take Trump! Not Obama, get rid of Trump!
Get rid of the presidency all together I say.
Impeachment requested
This… this is gonna end with a bank robbery and shootout, I reckon.
So Joyce will become “Sal Version 2”?
Sure, but unlike Sal, Joyce won’t be trying to get caught.
No one seems to care how this will effect Jacob, he’s the one who is going to be in the middle of three crazy girls, and the ensuing chaos.
Jacob having agency in his own relationship choices?
Nonsense!
With any luck he’ll accidentally fall for Ethan’s charms, throwing all Mike’s plans into a confusion even he couldn’t anticipate.
That kinda seems to be Jacob’s lot in life: To the girls he’s more “lust object” than “person.” He even pointed it out to Sarah not that long ago (while she was in the middle of some rather heavy fantasizing about him to boot).
It has already been clearly established that Jacob has no agency in this.
Pictured: Sarah ensuring a drama free dorm.
This is bad on all levels. She uses Joyce and Jacob as props for a completely dickish revenge that will not aid herself in any way and most likely backfire in a really bad way…. and still I can’t help loving how Sarah goes all Machiavelli in panel 4 and 5.
I… I called this
http://www.dumbingofage.com/2017/comic/book-7/02-everything-youve-ever-wanted/corner/#comment-1193391
Out of all the weird stuff I call – why is THIS the one coming true?
This is going to end in tears, I just know it…
Don’t mind me, still writing AU slash fanfic over here. Blame Willis. He started it.
(And I have no idea how the timeline works in this universe. Maybe Roz and Dorothy started to campaign for a position in a campus social club or something. Whatever. Cute people are being adorable here. Keep your eyes on the ball)
###
Dorothy was in love. This might be a problem.
Dorothy was in love with a girl who believed said feelings – were they reciprocated – would condemn both of them to Hell. This was definitely a problem.
She needed advice, and sometimes when you need an honest answer, the best place to go is to your enemies.
“Need a condom?” Roz asked brightly. “Ensure to keep the constitutional integrity intact?”
“What does that even mean? And no, I could rather use a dental dam if you have it. But most of all, I wonder if I can use you for a sounding board. Please?”
That got Roz’ attention. She took off her condom hat and ushered both of them into her room (double checking to make sure her room mate was nowhere around). She sat down on her bed and patted next to her to invite Dorothy to join her.
“Now, what help might ‘miss Perfect’ need from little ol’ me?”
“It’s a bit delicate…”
“Why else would you come here?”
“No, I mean, this can’t get out. I know we have this… thing going on, but this is not gossip or teasing material.”
“You are worried about your precious career, right? I tell you, Dorothy, if we sacrifice our sexuality for our political goals we have lost not only…”
“No, it’s for family reasons. And not my family.”
“Ah. Got it in one. I’ll be quiet. Scout’s honor.” Dorothy regarded Roz in silence for a moment, and could tell Roz meant it. She was very well aware of what could be at stake when family got involved.
“So…” Roz went on. “Girl talk? Hit me!” Dorothy took a deep breath.
“I am still fresh from a relationship and am also looking to be accepted at a different school, so the timing is not perfect. Now, this could be a short just-for-fun thing, but on the other hand I fell that…”
“You are reading that from an itemized list, aren’t you?”
“Are not!” Dorothy clutched her notebook tighter.
“First things first – does she makes your heart go pitter-patter?”
“Yes, she…”
“And does she make your…”
“YES, she does, in fact. And that is one of the problems.”
“Is it, now?”
“She is a virgin. Has never even kissed anyone, as far as I know. I don’t want to freak her out.”
“I see…”
“I don’t know if she is into girls… SHE does not know if she is into girls. I don’t think she knows it’s an option.”
“There IS a way to…”
“And her family…” Dorothy gave one of Mary’s posters a meaningful glance. ‘Security in purity’, it read. Roz whistled.
“You don’t do things by half, do you?”
“And as for me, I DO worry about my future. I want to be president of the United States” To Roz credit, she didn’t roll her yes. “Do you know how hard it will be to be the first female president? How much harder do you think it will be to be the first gay president? And I do NOT look forward to try to explain bisexuality to the press.”
“Well, it seems pretty clear cut, doesn’t it?”
“Does it?”
“Sure. Your best option is to break up your budding relationship, keep your distance and focus on getting transferred to a better school where you can find someone more acceptable to bonk.”
Dorothy opened her mouth, but didn’t find anything to say, so Roz went on.
“That’s what your itemized list says, right?” This time, Dorothy had the decency to give her notebook an ashamed look.
“…but that is not what you wanted to hear from me?”
“I suppose not…” Roz shook her head and smiled.
“Dorothy, Dorothy, over-analyzing Dorothy. You came here will all the questions except the one that really matters.”
“I did? Which one?”
Roz pried Dorothy’s hands lose from the notebook and held them gently. She looked her in the eyes.
“Does she feel the same way about you, as you do about her?”
“Um…”
“I know how to find out.”
That one, at least, Dorothy saw coming.
“Yes, yes, I get it. I will talk to her.” Roz clapped her hands.
“Excellent! And when you find out that she does, you can figure out all the rest together. I wish you best of luck.” She opened a drawer and handed something to Dorothy.
“What’s this?”
“Dental dam. Have fun!” And slightly flummoxed, Dorothy went to find Joyce.
This reminds me, I actually started thinking about what the DoA cast would be like as WW1 soldiers for some reason, here’s what I got:
Sergeant-Major Daniel Wilcox, ANZAC (because Aussie Danny was to fun to not imagine)
Kaptain Johanna von Braun German Imperial Stormtrooper (Because German Joyce was also funny. Same with the rest of her family, including)
Major General Heinrich von Braun, Baron von Freising, German Division commander (yep, German Hank)
Commodore Jennifer “Billie” Billingsworth, HRH Navy, Pacific Cruiser squadron
First Lieutenant Ruth “Ruthless” Lessnick Royal Newfoundland Regiment (I thought she would fit in well with the Blue Puttees)
Corporal Rebecca “Mad Becky” McCantry, First Battalion of the Royal Highlander Regiment aka the Blackwatch (yes I forgot how to spell her last name)
Staff Sergeant Sarah Clinton, Harlem Hellfighters
And then I ran out of ideas. I think I had Mike as a dead American scout pilot who got shot down without a parachute, courtesy of a very pissed of ground crew, but I couldn’t think of very good back stories for a lot of people. I’m really liking your AU slash-fic though. Let the words flow from your fingertips and keyboard.
Had to look up what a dental dam is. Does it actually go on your teeth, or elsewhere?
It’s just a sheet, so it goes between whatever fun parts are in operation. I suppose an “oral dam” would be a better term.
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodies/all_the_barriers_all_the_time
(Oh, the above link are not-terribly-safe-for-work)
Here is a relevant Girls with Slingshots comic (Safe for work, but there are spoilers)
http://www.girlswithslingshots.com/comic/gws-1327/
Hopefully the alternative won’t be Ros.
Unlikely. Roz had her shot, but Jacob didn’t want a short-term fling.
Also, Ross MacIntyre is definitely not boyfriend material
I sure like when the characters are self-aware. Sarah in panel 3, of course, but even moreso, Joyce in panel 6!
SARAH SHIPS IT
So THAT is what an evil shipper look like
No, that’s what a somewhat unscrupulous shipper looks like.
THIS is what an evil shipper looks like.
It literally looks like Sarah is drunk with pure spite. I am totally convinced joyce will convince jacob (haphazardly by mistake probably) it will leave her scarred cause he has an “addiction” to sex and joyce has hidden longings. Que rapish flashbacks and regret. Then Sarah will go against her being jealous of her relationship with jacob. Cause no one gets true happy endings in this comic. Only prolonged suffering with brief periods of peace to ensure maximize suffering later just to ensure they dont get used to the pain. Willis knows how drama is made and its through conflict and the beast that is the audience must be fed its drama and conflict!
Is it bad that I thoroughly approve of this direction? Far more interesting than any of the potential alternatives I was expecting.
But then, I genuinely like Mike, sooooo . . . *shrug*
Walky being the voice of reason is mindboggeling.
Though spite (wanting Raidah to lose her relationship with Jacob) definitely plays a role, I also see Sarah wanting for Joyce to realize she’s into Jacob. Which Joyce wouldn’t if left to her own devices, because Sarah’s got dibs.
(Next round Avatars roulette)
Walky is…. the voice of reason?
I’m afraid this plan is going to backfire.
I’m starting to seriously wonder if Joyce had an emotionally abusive upbringing, based on her near-desperation for external validation and open displays of affection!
I mean, sort of? She was brought up in a sect that espouses seriously damaging beliefs, and which encouraged her to adore affection while having zero boundaries. But she was going to be gregarious no matter what.
My upbringing wasn’t abusive as all and I require constant validation and strong desires to be loved.
That too. This may be one of those human condition things. Love and validation are super nice!
I find that I have a far greater need for external validation when I’m shaky on internal, and vice versa. However, I think it’d be rare for me to dislike it, and I don’t think that’s problematic.
Joyce’s upbringing stomped on many of her natural desires (sex, control of her own life/choices, admitting pride, jobs that aren’t motherhood), but she’s had lots and lots of permission to go after love and chaste affection. It would make sense to put a lot of her energy there.
Oh my. The shenanigans that this will bring are just mindblowing…and will be extra fun!
xoxoxoxox
Why does Sarah hate Raidah again? Just because she’s with Jacob, or is there a prior reason?
Radiah and Sarah were friends, but Raidah rejected Sarah and kind of bullied her quite nastily because Sarah sent her roommate (and their mutual friend) to her father when Sarah realised said roommate had a drug problem.
http://imgur.com/a/x9ak6
Did you make this? It’s really good.
Hee hee, yaaay
No, no, Joyce. Keep going. That was actually pretty hot.
Good stuff!
I never thought about it, but now I’m really curious to know if Joyce has ever worn lipstick.
YAAAAAS Make more!!
I am giggling now.
Yotomoe, you are awesome.
There is some serious introspective drama in the way Sarah is saying “I know who I am.”
In a way, shipping can be seen much similarly as the science of chemistry. Bringing two unknowns together.
That said, to quote one of my other favorite web comic, “Mad Science means not having to stop and ask the question ‘What could possibly go wrong?'”
This is such a healthy moment for both of them. Sarah is getting over Jacob, she encourages Joyce to follow the budding friendship (crush?) she develops with Jacob and there is even a hug. Yay for making things better!
#ExtremelyRoseColoredGlassesWithAnExtraHelpingOfDenial
Everything about this strip is horrible, awful, terrible and destined to horrific failure and sorrow.
…
*grabs popcorn*
So, basically Sarah has noticed Joyce’s crush and decided that she’s going to aim it right at Raidah and Jacob. I’m just wondering if, tonight, when she’s alone with her thoughts, she’ll feel guilty about this?
Of course, it will blow up in her face, one way or another. Joyce is too straight-laced to lie so, if Raidah confronts her, you can be sure that Joyce will explain, chapter and verse, how she’s doing this for her good friend Sarah. The outcome of that conversation would not be pretty at all.
“I know what I am,” says Sarah, proceeding to demonstrate.
Anyway jacob is going to be mega thrilled when he inevitably learns about these machinations and this will iin no way backfire on Sarah and or Joyce.
In the Walkyverse, Sarah was a bitter, ambitious and amoral personality who, in pursuit of petty revenge against the heroes (and a desire to bring them down so they didn’t make her look small) effectively nearly killed everyone on Earth.
It’s Walky was a superhero story and the personalities were thus necessarily exaggerated to make them more extreme characters but we can see the same self-centred bitterness in DoA Sarah too.
Oh, Sarah… *headdesk*
My fave part of this is that Sarah evidently knows she’s doing an immoral thing for personal gain but _Joyce_ has _no moral problems_ with deliberately breaking up a relationship for personal gain (“I ship X and Y”), not seeing any issue at all.
Whcih one is worse….?
They’re both horrible. I don’t think we need to pick.
I don’t think Joyce sees it the same, though. If Sarah and Jacob are ‘meant to be’ then he’s obviously going to break up with Raidah anyway, and she probably doesn’t even expect to have to actively break them up- just set Sarah up as an awesome option afterward.
Not to be the spanner here,
But I think Joyce is equally complicit in this.
It doesn’t matter what Sarah’s real reasons are for urging Joyce along, the fact is that Joyce has openly said that Jacob should not BE with Raidha – and I’m a bit rusty, but isn’t one of the doctrines “Judge not…”?
Joyce is doing a POWER of judging here, knowing nothing about Raidha a=-other than “My ‘friend’ (still using the term loosely) doesn’t like her, therefore… SHE’S NOT GOOOD ENOUGH FOR THE MAN SHE WANTS!”
Sarah might be looking only to split them up for her own selfish reasons, whether to get him for herself, or just to upset Raidha – But Joyce has already decided they should not be a couple regardless of EITHER of their feelings. ‘Innocence’ has nothing to do with that.
Bad Joyce! Naughty Joyce! Impolitic Joyce!
On might even say… ‘Sinful’ Joyce!
She must be spanked!
*OH YES*
We must ALL be spanked!
*OOOH YEEEES*
And then? The oral sex!
Joyce has a ‘fairy tale’ view or romance (understandable because classic-era Disney features are probably the only romantic stories to which she’s been exposed). She thinks that the princess should have the prince, that Sarah is the princess, Jacob is the prince and Raidah is the Wicked Witch to be vanquished.
So, from her perspective, she’s doing a good work.
She couldn’t watch Disney. They preach happiness without God’s love.
Early Disney.
Even Southern Baptists only started to eschew Disney since the early nineties.
Joyce straight up said she was not allowed to watch Disney movies. That sounds like she meant any Disney movies, early ones included.
And the early ones do show folks being happy without much (if any) reference to God – I only recall Snow White and Pinocchio praying.
She may not have been allowed to watch Disney… but remember what her favourite film was?
http://www.dumbingofage.com/2011/comic/book-1/04-the-bechdel-test/movies/
If she is using the Twilight series as a touchstone for what romance is supposed to be like… that explains a LOT.
Including likely dangerous lessons on obsessive and even openly abusive behaviour directed towards romantic partners. Twilight (especially the books) is pretty much a domestic abuse manual in some parts.
Ohhhh, yes. Twilight definitely influenced her idea of romance, if not took over them entirely. But her fairytale covering abuse view of romance does not come from Disney movies, classic or otherwise.
It is a little weird to think that Disney was bad, but Twilight was allowed.
I mean, WTF? Do sparkly vampires do a lot of praying or something?
Disney is run by evil jews, while Twilight was written by a mormon, which, while still not being the RIGHT kind of christian, at least didn’t kill Jesus, amirite?
Because Christian themes.
Rules might have been (slightly) looser when she got older, but by then disney movies were ‘baby movies.’
But yeah probably more to do with twilight being written by a christian (although Joyce was super thrown off by Agatha being mormon so who knows).
Joyce still referred to them as forbidden movies by now. Probably not allowed while she lived at home. And, yeah, Twilight’s got lots of Christian themes. Mormon Christianity, but Lewis was Anglican and they let that slide because the themes were too good.
WALKY is the voice of reason! WALKY!
The two of you, NO! NO! JUST NO! ASKDJSKFNSKFN!
I know Sarah’s plan here is ethically questionable at best but I still kinda want to see it succeed.
Oh, Joyce, no. Listen to…
to…
*cough*
Listen to Walky
It’s WEIRD, isn’t it? It’s like we know all the words, but then you string together in a sentence and they stop making sense.
In matters of the heart, Walky is the… wisest?
No, you are right, I sounds weird.
Well, if you keep using the wrong verb form, of course you’ll sound weird. And redneck-y.
is… currently the least emotionally involved and thus able to see more clearly?
Please, please, please, Sarah. You made the right call once. Please make it again.
http://www.dumbingofage.com/2015/comic/book-6/01-to-those-whod-ground-me/nope-2/
It’s why I had hopes yesterday’s Sarah’s side-eye would lead into an explanation on why Joyce’s idea was bad. It’s my own fault, really, expecting sensible behaviour from a character in a Willis’s comic. That isn’t Dina, Carla or Joss, I mean.
Oh, and Dorothy, mostly.
Dorothy’s behavior is very, very insensible. It’s just insensible in a well-disguised manner. I posted about it a few comments below by accident, because my behavior is insensible in a normal, undisguised manner. 😛
Dorothy doesn’t make particularly bad choices; her main issue is that she’s chosen a (laudable) goal that is fundamentally incompatible with who she is. For Dorothy to accomplish her goal while remaining, well, Dorothy, it’d take an inhuman, self-destructive amount of work and effort.
Regardless, even if we do consider Dorothy’s choices to be terrible, they’re mostly just terrible for HER, and don’t drag anyone else along for the ride, which is more than you can say about the majority of the characters.
True hug sisters.
No, Joyce. Not a healthy thing to do. Bad Sarah, bad!
Cudlles of DOOOOOOOM!!!
Sarah may be morally reprehensible here, but she may also be kind of brilliant. We know Raidah is possessive, how long before she blows up at Joyce in earshot of Jacob? I could see that being the kind of thing that turns Jacob off, especially if Joyce in her obliviousness hasn’t been making any romantic gestures towards Jacob.
Dorothy regularly makes TERRIBLE choices. Those choices are just made because of her wish to be successful, though, so they’re less obviously terrible. Dorothy is working herself to the bone, and she’s almost good enough at it that we don’t notice. Her constant push for success is not healthy for her, and it’s alluded to when she starts helping Walky study.
Darnit, replied to the wrong comment. HEY JBENTO, YEAH YOU, THREE COMMENTS UP! READ MY REPLY! HEY! LISTEN TO ME! I’M TALKING IN ALL CAPS, THAT MEANS YOU HAVE TO NOTICE WHAT I’M SAYING!
No. You’ll have to live your life forever knowing that you were not, in fact, paid attention to by a random internet stranger. Them’s the breaks.
No, it didn’t require an emotional breakdown, but maybe a moral reak. Or at the very least, a face-heel turn. But if she’s like a modern WWE heel, Sarah will still be the less awful person, so at least there’s still some hope?
Sooo, would that make Radiah the Roman Reigns of DoA if that went into effect. Because now I kinda want the DoA cast to fill out a wrestling roster.
No! Bad Joyce. That is an evil hug
Remember at the beginning of the series when Sarah said she wanted to keep her head down and avoid drama? Good times. At least yesterday’s facial expressions make more sense now.
When someone you like and empathize with makes morally wrong choices, that’s more disturbing than when someone you don’t care about does so.
I’m talking about Sarah, of course.
Now, I’m totally fine with her trying to screw up Raidah’s love life. Tit for tat, enemies 4 life, no quarter asked or given; such are the rules of engagement between the two.
But it’s not just Raidah she’s messing with. It’s also Jacob. She is willing to ruin his happiness as well — a likely consequence of her war against Raidah. Collateral damage. Can’t be helped. Oh, well.
And that’s just freaking WRONG. He’s a non-combatant. He didn’t do anything to Sarah, and he doesn’t deserve to be hurt by her.
And she knows this. She’s pre-Law. She knows about actions and consequences, about aggressors and victims and responsibility. She knows, and yet she chooses to victimize an innocent person in the pursuit of her vindictive campaign against a deserving target.
C’mon, Sarah. I want to think you’re better than this.
Give it a day or two. I’m waiting on a conscience attack.
Yeah, I’m consoling myself that every time Sarah’s started scheming re: Jacob and Raidah, she’s always gone “Nah, that was stupid” in fairly short order.
Remember, Sarah really does not trust Raidah. Sarah is not a trusting person. It’s probably been easy for her to convince herself that Raidah is, or eventually will be, toxic for Jacob.
Exactly. Raidah will eventually turn on him. He’ll be happier with Joyce. It’s for his own good.
Easy to convince yourself you’re justified.
Sarah’s gotta get Raidah before Raidah gets her! When the whole thing blows up and Jacob gets mad at Sarah and Joyce, that’ll just prove her point that she’s toxic and evil. She was right all along!
Don’t worry Joyce, the emotional breakdowns will come when you realize that Sarah used you to annihilate Jacob’s relationship with Raidah.
It’s really creepy how a Fundie Joyce speaks so openly and happily about destroying relationships. You’d think the whole “You shall not desire thine neighbour’s partner” would come to the forefront of her mind…
It’s ‘spouse’, not ‘partner’. Nothing is real until marriage. Also, no hanky-panky.
I’m not sure God would buy the whole “But they weren’t even married so it was perfectly okay to completely destroy their healthy and happy relationship because my friend deserves him SO much more”
A very Letter of the law, not spirit of the law interpretation.
There’s a lot of Fundimentality that I don’t think God would buy.
We don’t have a clue if the relationship is healthy.
From what we know about Raidah, she has some rather difficult sides and bullies people she hates. Is someone like that able to have a healthy relationship?
But you know, either you are interested in someone and try to attract them or you are interested in them and decide not to persue it or you are not interested. All of the above shouldn’t hang on your judgement if an existing relationship is ” healthy” for someone.
I mean, of course “someone like that” is capable of having a healthy relationship. No one is mean to every single person in their lives. People are multifaceted.
I agree that we haven’t actually seen enough of Raidah and Jacob to know if they’re, like, a perfect match, but Willis has been pretty strongly hinting that they’re very compatible. It increases Sarah’s suffering, because her position isn’t righteous.
The only person I’ve met who were mean to everybody wasn’t mean to them all at once. She waited until she had a new crew of followers and then abused the ones she didn’t want anymore. Or folks who kept taking her back.
I dunno. God will destroy lives just to win a bet. Book of Job.
The shipper has become the shipped.
The matchmaker has become the…matchmakee?
Okay, I don’t know if that’s a word, but “matchmaker crush” is a real trope.
Affectionate Sarah has added a new subroutine. Total subroutines: 2.
Subroutine_1: Mental Breakdown.
Subroutine_2: Plotting emotional sabotage of enemies via object of affection.
Joyce, do not thoughtlessly break up a couple in order to benefit your friend. Whether or not that couple will eventually break up, hastening it because you want to see your two favorite action figures bonk together is–beyond simply morally wrong–a great way to set a time bomb that’ll go off when the guy you got to break up with his girlfriend finds out you were trying to steer him towards your friend while doing so.
Like…this is something Mike would do, break up a couple because he doesn’t like that they’re together.
FOR FUCK’S SAKE SARAH! That’s exactly the sort oh thing they’d expect from you! Do you seriously want to prove all those people who think you’re an egotistical asshole right?!
By “they” i mean Raidah and Raidah’s friends.
Shit, Sarah’s going full Palpatine. o.o
Also, happy day-after-your-birthday, Ultra Car!
Also Willis.
😛
DON’T STOOP TO HER LEVEL, SARAH, YOU’RE BETTER THAN.. oh who am I kidding, Sarah’s all about this sort of petty revenge scheme, and I’m gonna root for her the whole way
She’s started a couple of times, and then stopped herself.
I’m hoping she will again.
Sarah ships Joycob!
or whoever
I stopped reading Questionable Content as the storylines and characters just got plain boring but I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of Joyce being inappropriately and naively wrong
Its always amusing
The bitterness is strong with this one.
I searched for “emotional breakdown”.
Google was mean to me.
Nothing could possibly go wrong with that plan.
Nope… nothing at all…
So, assuming Joyce is successful, she get’s to take Jacob home to meet Ma and Pa.