You want that sweet lovable kitten to watch its loved ones die in front of it, unable to help them, all the while slowly being stigmatized and regarded as discriminatory because they can’t keep up with the ever changing culutre that continually expands, meanwhile its brain begins to lose memory of important faces and moments because its brain was not built to remember an eternity.
Eventually that cat has nothing to look forward to but the continuous and rapid boiling and freezing vacuum of a suffocating life once the sun explodes and it will not die.
Its a good thing cats forget their own family after a couple months anyway, and they don’t really need to adapt to changing vulture, so I think the cat will be pretty much just a normal cat for the rest of its long long life. Unless its muscles degrade, in which case it will probably spend a lot of time just lying around, so yeah, just a normal cat.
I was scrolling slowly down the entire page and I was fine till I saw the hotline listed, for some reason that made me start crying… I’ve no idea why that’s what hit me hardest.
Yeah, I can appreciate the thoughtfulness. That’s how I lost my mother and if it were a more recent event (July 4, 2010) I think this would have crushed me. The only two silver linings was
A) My mom had hidden from some serious issues that had resurfaced. She at least no longer suffers.
B) My dad harbored some serious resentment towards my mother (which she admitted to me was well deserved) that he was able to let go with her passing. I think it actually improved him as a person in several ways and maybe even improved his health.
Anyways, this still had the feels but I’m not upset,
Thank you, Willis, for your consideration to your audience. It saddens me to know that the comment section of this comic has brought such sorrow to its author, to the point where comments have been thrown out altogether. And yet, they are still present for this one- as an experiment, perhaps? I believe, however, there are still a few readers that will be offended no matter what is done to soften the blow. I’m sure you have heard of them.
I love this comic because of how real it is. People with silly quirks have explanations for their behavior. All of the unfortunate taboos that no one will admit to except for behind closed doors are laid bare. This comic has covered sexuality, oppression, depression, sadism and bigotry all in stride. Many people do terrible things. And it only takes a small handful to change the lives of many more in terrible ways. That is believable. That is real.
I see no reason for you to be ashamed of your work. It is powerful, provocative, picturesque, and paralyzingly potent. I feel that the disclaimer in today’s comic cushions the blow of the last panel to an extent that it weakens the emotional strength of the comic itself. Suicide is a major issue that cripples people’s lives in a very similar manner to the other issues you address in this comic, but the presentation of it in a work of art such as this serves to form a stronger bond between the character and audience. There is no need to apologize for tugging at our heart strings the way you do. Damn you Willis, we love you!
I agree. There are a million ways this could be written into the story that would be insensitive or fall flat, but this socks you in the gut with real emotional impact.
You’d probably not be surprised how many of them think mental illness itself is the person in question not having enough faith/praying hard enough. The Christians of Joyce’s family’s ilk were the ones who convinced my mother she should take me off my meds and instead force me into their youth groups. Fun times.
Yeah, there’s a lot of things that could have pushed Bonnie’s pain over her coping strategies here and the likely complete lack of real support definitely wouldn’t help on the Coping Strategies end of the balance.
I mean, when mental illness is just “weakness in one’s faith”, when suffering awful things from one’s husband is “wifely duties”, when speaking up about suffering or feelings is “doubting God’s plan”…
I doubt Ross beat or raped his wife, it just doesn’t seem lile his flavour of awful. My theory is that he pressured her (along shit the rest of the community) to hide her issues (mental illness? depression?) and refused to help her even if she cried for help.
I don’t have any evidence of this of course, at this point both are theories
We’ve yet to see any evidence that Ross was physically violent toward his wife, but we also have yet to see any evidence that he wasn’t, and we’ve seen plenty of evidence that he is willing to be violent toward people. Beating his wife seems pretty plausible, IMO.
This. He punched his daughter on-screen, he punched her girlfriend on-screen, he threatened his daughter and her best friend with a gun and was definitely willing to shoot some kids to get his way.
And we know that he takes every moment of potential powerlessness super personally and a personal attack on his faith and his ability to perform his masculine role.
In our world that suite of behaviors, plus being raised in an environment where he had every right to expect from his wife a list of often contradictory submissive behaviors to him, would make it very likely and very supported for him to hit her “to bring her back into line” or otherwise emotionally abuse her.
As far as rape, he’s never used sexual violence as a tool to control, but he has been shown on panel to be the type of person who views his wife and child as accessories to his performance of godliness. And that good tools fulfill their “correct” roles or receive punishments.
He is also from a sect that believes that martial rape is an impossibility because “a goodly wife submits to her husband as her husband would submit to Christ” and “obey his every command” and is her husband’s vessel to fill in order to “be fruitful and multiply” and keep him from being tempted unto the path of sin.
Given those two aspects, the chances he has committed sexual violence, even if only in the form of taking advantage of an atmosphere where it seemed unsafe for Bonnie to voice a “no”, is also pretty high.
It’d be nice if that wasn’t the case, but given that household and what we’ve seen of Toedad…
And remember how Joyce was talking about Billie when Walky was worried about her being depressed? (Way back in 2014 or so, so I don’t blame you if not) Joyce was definitely raised by the “pray it away, God has sent this as a struggle for you to overcome (and so you MUST)” variety, meaning Bonnie was almost certainly bombarded with that message as well if she ever talked about it openly with anyone. And I kind of doubt she would’ve been permitted to.
“Satan did this” is the only excuse left when there is no logical chain of events or despair leading up to depression or suicide. This was a senseless death. It happened for no reason. Everything was fine, nothing was ruined, and it happened anyway. And as we all know, nobody ever killed themselves when they had nothing to be sad about, right? “Why, that means it MUST have been Satan!”, they say. “It had to be! Brain problems are just things people make up to absolve themselves of responsibility, just like being a lesbian!”
If anything can be blamed for this, it’s ignorance that it was even possible to feel suicidal when life is good.
And the sickest part is that we know because we’ve seen it in comic that Toedad took this family tragedy and took it personally. His wife killed herself because of him. No, not because of all the horrible things he did to her or how the system they are in does nothing to aid the mentally ill in any real tangible way other than exploiting their sadness for zealotry and donations.
But because he didn’t double down enough. Because his wife’s illness and struggle couldn’t be about her and her pain, but about his strength, about his faith, about God testing him. Just like his daughter’s sexuality was all about him.
Blame it all on Satan, erase the person from the tragedy. Make it a passion play for the survivors instead.
I have a friend who’s been researching the New England response to the major tuberculosis epidemic around the turn of the eighteenth century (it’s vampires, no, really), and he recently found this poem by a minister whose son died.
It’s heartbreaking partly because the guy is desperate with grief, asking God why his son died, and largely because he basically concludes, “You had to take him to test me? But he was such a sweet kid! I need to step up my game and get more devout.”
He really doesn’t. And it’s in the poisonous groundwater of our nation and our national mythologies at this point, so that even secular folks will break out the “your identity/tragedy is really about causing me direct distress and pain and testing my faith” thinking from time to time.
That strip is from Freshman Family Weekend, and so I infer from the presence of Faye’s family that she’s a freshman. So the summer between her sophomore and junior years is the better part of two years down the road, comic time, which is about a century our time.
If tragic backstory repeats itself, only the kitten will be around to witness it.
What I can’t tell is if it was Becky or Joyce that attempted suicide… I’m gonna venture a guess that it was Joyce? Or maybe it was Becky’s mom… omg the deepness of this is too real!!!
I’m pretty sure that’s Becky’s mom in the last panel with the pills. You can see the differences in the hair and the one standing up in the last panel looks like Becky.
Just judging on how the other panels feature Becky and her mom, and how Toedad said “the devil took {Becky’s mom}”, which is how many Christians view suicide, I’d say it’s Becky’s mom.
Thank you! That helps a lot. I was kind of unsure there. Becky’s mom being the one there makes sense. I can relate to Becky in 2 ways here too… not gonna get into it though. I’m pretty sure you guys can piece it together, you’re all super smart.
Becky’s mom has glasses and *lots* of hair. (It may look like a telephone cord behind her back.) The last panel figure has neither, so is presumably Becky, so her mother is on the bed.
Many, many, unfathomably many years from now, when the stars have grown cold and mankind is no longer even a memory, a kitten floats alone through the pitiless void of space.
KILLLL MEEEEE
That warning seemed a bit excessive, honestly. In another strip, sure, but we’ve had Mary, Ryan, Freshman Family Weekend, and Toedad all with no warnings. Wouldn’t a banner at the start or the top of the strip have been enough, rather than this massive one?
I think it’s because those were less unexpected? The surrounding strips were mostly enough to figure out if you should stop reading before it got too bad if you couldn’t handle the content.
Toedad pulling out a revolver was kind of unexpected. But a good unexpected.
As with the issue at hand, it gets to the point where you could put a trigger warning on anything and everything. It’s up to Willis to decide which topic at hand needs one or not.
Well if you didn’t want to see the gun actually being used against someone one could stop reading then. It was obvious things were going to end terribly and violently.
I can see why he did it, which is because this was out of the blue. Also, this strip is dark at a level the comic has never gotten close to.
Personally, suicide is a very tough subject for me… but I’m personally not convinced trigger warnings are a good thing.
Yeah, Ross took out the gun several strips before it was pointed AT anyone, Ryan had several Creeper Cues before the drug set in, but here there’s no leadup whatsoever to that final panel. You could brace yourself days in advance before we hit the fountain, or decide to stop reading and wait a few weeks so you wouldn’t have to wait for the resolution. (And Mary is awful, but while she generally sets people off it tends to be a lower-key constant exhausting bigotry rather than the all-at-once wham that tends to come with assault and, well, attempted suicide.)
Also, in my personal experience, when you’re in even a vaguely suicidal mindframe it can take very very little to go from a general depressed “why am I even alive” to things like “I wish that car hit me” or “I should just kill myself right now”. Seeing someone actively trying… that could do it, depending on your headspace.
I try. And if you’ve been in that headspace, or are in it right now, I offer you internet hugs and reassurances that your pain is valid and sucks monumentally and is ultimately survivable.
i imagine that the scene pictured here would, for anyone who’s lived through that scenario, be one of the worst to make a person relive. that he took those precautions shows a great deal of respect for the potential power of the situation and the emotions of the readers, especially one with such a trauma.
Abusers, bigots, and rapists aren’t really comparable to a child walking in on their mother’s attempt at suicide. So far, all but one of them have received some kind of punishment for their acts.
There is no justice to be had in a situation where a mother felt so hopeless in her situation that death was the only escape and her child walking in to see not only that her mother was in darkness that deep, but that her mother was hurting so much that she didn’t even feel she could stay to try to protect her child from the same pain.
And like Ross said, there was a build to the awful that came from the abusers, bigots, and rapists, which if those story lines were content that would trigger you, you would see the signs before it happened. This came from literally nowhere. There were no hints that Bonnie tried to kill herself.
All I can say is that the massive black block/spoiler utterly killed the impact of the comic for me. I literally have no emotional reaction seeing the images now, since they’re so completely overshadowed by the giant black block above (and below) it, and since I was told what would happen. Heck, I almost had a hard time picking out the low-contrast ghost outlines with all the high-contrast distractions around it.
But oh well. If the point was to blunt any potential trauma triggers in people, I imagine it was effective. It was certainly blunted to me.
Sadly, I agree. I appreciate it when comics that explicitly have adult themes and intended audiences respect said audiences’ maturity and let the art happen rather than obliterating that fourth wall and directly reveal upcoming content. If we sterilize it, the human message is lessened. I realize that I could skip the spoiler, but it’s part of the comic, and I care about how the message is delivered and not just what it is.
See, I tried to skip the spoiler and still saw it because I’ve got a good screen and read instinctively. Then the kitten killed any emotional attachment that remained because it was so bad. I’m not saying no warning, since this can definitely be rough on people, but something a lot less overbearing could have still gotten the message across without leeching out all the impact the way this did.
I think it was worth having the trigger warning. That is the entire purpose of a trigger warning. Adults have triggers too, and seeing suicidal people can remind them of their own past attempts, or shove the idea directly into a depressed persons face.
What you say about sterilization doesn’t make sense. The message is still right there, and you can scim the top text and ignore the tw and read the strip right away. That’s what I did.
(The main emotional impact, for me, is beckys reaction in the flash back. Mirroring my own. The pain has gone numb. )
Yeah, I found the warning helpful and the kitten a “I’m not apologizing because people do go through this, but in case you need it, here’s a resource” sort of thing like the hotline under the strip. Hell, just close your eyes and scroll down, then up again if you’re that set on reading the strip completely unmarred by previous expectations.
I was like Viktoria; I tried to scroll quickly past the spoiler, but my eyes picked it up and read it anyway. (I don’t really think scrolling shenanigans would have helped, and in any case it’s too late now.)
It’s clear that Willis presented this comic as he did because he was concerned about triggering adverse emotional reactions in certain emotionally sensitive people, and that’s not really something I can be critical of. But he he wanted me to give the faintest crap about Becky’s plight, maybe he should have overkilled the warning and kittens a teeny bit less, is all I’m saying.
I suppose I should add that the kitten is probably what really killed it for me – to me, with it being much brighter than the comic itself, and the last thing in the “comic area” – to me that’s the end and focus of the strip. A big kitten. Suicide? Nope, this is a kitten strip. Nothing more.
Yeah, I saw, in order: warning, spoiler, kitten…my eyes eventually located the first two panels of the strip, and then eventually found the three dimmer panels that followed. And kept jumping right down to the kitten. The human brain is weird sometimes.
Everyone knew Mary was the kind of the person to pull that sort of stunt.
Ryan’s actual attempt was broadcast long before it actually happened.
There was an entire other universe dedicated to the jackhole that was Blaine.
And while Ross pulling the Gun wasn’t as broadcast as the rest of his stunt, the readership more than made up for it.
There was none of that here. As far as I know, we all just assumed it was cancer until Willis explicitly said otherwise. And we still don’t know if this is what killed her as the trigger warning says “attempted suicide”.
We’ve never quite reached the level of actual on-screen death before (yeah, this is a flashback, but it’s still visible). We definitely haven’t reached the level of actual on-screen suicide.
Also, goddamn you Willis, and your portrayal of villains as having actual trauma that drives their actions. Next we’ll find out Blaine’s parent’s abandoned him after being robbed and losing all their savings.
To misquote Brooklyn 99,”Cool motive. Still kidnapping.” Toedad’s an adult, if he was suffering there are counselors(even Christian-specialized ones) he could have gone to. Instead, he dialed his issues up to 11 and took them out on his daughter. This is a nice explanation, but it’s definitely not a justification for anything he has ever said or done on-panel.
Well, what are the chances that Ross suppressed leaking of Bonnie’s attempt out to the neighbours? Possibly even threatened Becky not to tell anyone about their suddenly imperfect living situation?
I’m sure he came up with some excuse for why the paramedics showed up. “Oh, she had an allergic reaction to some cleaning products. We’ll know better next time not to buy that brand.”
That was Dana’s mom, AKA Sarah’s freshman year roommate. Becky’s mom’s cause of death has been deliberately vague (to the point we weren’t even certain if she was dead or had left the family) up until this exact point, but some were speculating cancer.
It’s still not clear as Willis’s trigger warning says ATTEMPTED SUICIDE, which in some ways is worse, as I can’t imagine Toedad’s reaction was reasonable or helpful at all.
Dana’s mother died from cancer. Becky’s mother died; we were never given a cause to my knowledge, but the wires got crossed in the comments and it became essentially fanon I think?
(Though according to the trigger warning this is only an attempt so it’s possible she could have died of another cause?)
Yeah, that makes sense. The attempt language is also confusing to me because I usually see that before uncompleted suicide attempts, but this seems to be implying that this might have actually been how Bonnie killed herself.
If so, oof, Becky being the first to find the body, with Toedad as her main support? Yeeks!
My first guess with the “attempt” and the “part of our story” stuff yesterday is that this one wasn’t completed, but that it also wasn’t the only attempt Bonnie made, just the one Becky found in time to intervene on. (I somehow doubt Toedad and the local attitude towards mental health meant Bonnie got the kind of help she’d need if she survived this attempt. And if so, that just makes it all the more likely she would try again with another method.)
Yeah, especially since pills are slow and thus make it easier for folks to intervene, especially if they live in the same house… Guns are much faster (which is why I refuse to ever even spend the night in a house with a gun)…
Yeah, my brain went to that midway through too and if that is the case…
“Dad, why would you bring that.” and “Put it down for Mom’s sake” are now five hundred times worse, at least.
Woah, that would make so much sense, plus it’d mean that Becky faced losing both parents to gun-suicides (her mom, if that’s how Bonnie ultimately completed suicide, and her dad, had he been shot by the cops, which is what Becky was predicting at the time). Here’s hoping Becky didn’t witness her mom actually pulling the trigger; finding her possible-corpse is horrific enough, thank you.
Yeah I had already been doing the tag trawl just to see if Toedad had ever mentioned a detail about her passing (which, nope, in addition to the “Satan took her” line the only other one is when he meets Dina the Sunday before: “Since her mother passed last year, she has had no female role model,”) and remembered Becky’s reaction to the gun and wanted to check it.
It just… literally everything Toedad has ever said or done is taking on new levels of awful for me now just from the context of “Bonnie attempted,” if it is in fact “Bonnie completed” and in that specific manner then there are not enough hugs in the world for Becky.
Second trigger warning says “attempted suicide.” So I suspect she did not… succeed? I’m not sure if that’s the right word here.
It may or may not be related to her cancer diagnosis (if Toedad isn’t full of shit).
That said, even if Toedad is lying, the last panel shows that Becky knew her Mom had at least attempted suicide. And I don’t think Becky would be able to lie about that, and she’s never contradicted the cancer explanation, to my knowledge (although she may not have been present when it came up; I don’t honestly remember).
Succeed I think is the right way to talk about it. Her attempt did not succeed.
The only phrases I’ve ever seen in use, though are committed suicide and killed himself/herself. I understand why some people are concerned about the language, but we also use the word “commit” in some very positive ways. (Committing to love someone forever. They are committed to an ideal.)
True, but there’s also that ‘no one dies in this comic’ – that’s present-tense, for example Ruth’s parents already died before start of comic, and so did Becky’s mom strictly speaking. We probably won’t see it on-screen either, but still.
I think that just means that none of the currently living characters are going to die, not that none of the already dead characters can be shown dying in flashbacks.
The hotline info showed up before the comic loaded for me, so it dawned on me why it was there before the warning even showed up. I am glad the kitten was at the end though, it helps keep the tears at bay.
There’s a lot inherent in the structure of the relationship and the type of man Toedad was to add weight to the pain side of the balance. Lack of power, feminine mystique (in the Friedman sense of deep depression caused by being a possession whose work has no material value), potential marital rape, potential domestic abuse, knowing her daughter would be trapped in the same lack of options as her, lack of community or familial support for mental health issues, needing to perform the happy mother every day, maybe even being a lesbian herself…
And the thing is that just like Becky, we may never know the full extent of her reasons. Just that she was unhappy and in this moment believed strongly that she couldn’t take it anymore. That in that moment, she didn’t have someone to intervene early on. Maybe in this moment, Becky found her in time (pills take a LOOOOOOONG time to kill a person), maybe she even held on for a few more years before another illness or another attempt ended her story.
Ditto… with a few more iterations, unfortunately. Now it’s been over a year since my last attempt, which is a massive massive improvement. Think I’ve finally closed that particular chapter of my life.
If it makes you feel better, I’m glad that any survivor of suicidal ideation is still alive, no matter what, because I’m a spiteful bongo.
And I really hate it when that fucking awful disease takes another life and so am deeply appreciative for all those who clawed through that hell and out to the other side. That you are here, still breathing?
It’s a genuine victory. And I’m happy and glad you have. And I hope you continue winning against that complete fuck Suicidal Ideation.
I’m sorry I responded in such a way that made you feel wary. I did indeed mean it genuinely. (I’m glad when anyone makes it past suicide, even when I don’t know them personally.)
Is there a better way that I-or-others can respond, for next time?
The first and last attempt I made was stopped when my dad talked me into the car from the bus stop. Had I got on the bus, I would’ve jumped off a bridge into a freeway.
Hugs indeed. Never actually tried myself, but it took me over half a year-nine months at least before I felt like I could trust myself at crosswalks after a car raced by me at one and I realized I wouldn’t have minded if it had hit me.
Haven’t had thoughts like that for over a year now though, I think, and actively feeling pretty good for the last couple months. Good news, I’m pretty sure there actually is a genuine better to get to in the end.
See, that argument pisses me the fuck off. It’s basically “Yeah, your life sucks so much that you’d rather be dead, but other people might be hurt if you die so keep suffering until you cut them out of your life completely”. Not to mention how unfair it is to the friends/relatives of the person, who are now obligated to maintain the relationship to keep the person alive. It’s basically a really horrible thing to say to anyone who’s anywhere near suicide.
yes this. someone just shared this sentiment on my facebook (something like “the thing about suicide is that it doesn’t end the pain, it just transfers it to someone else”- no, fuck that and fuck you [notjaimehlers, but the quote writer].)
Then, it logically follows that her mental state was so unbearable that even her blazing motherly love was not enough to conquer it. It’s not that Bonnie was a weak mother, it’s that the disease and/or situation was just so horrible that it was even stronger than love.
Which can happen, when your brain is convincing you that you’re a hindrance to the people who love you and they’d be better off without you as a nuisance.
And if this was situational… auuuuugh, the kind of things this could have gotten to for Bonnie to find death preferable are just incredibly tragic.
(WARNING, talking about thoughts I have had to end it all in the past)
Trust me, the idea of loved ones can make it even easier to do so- because you think they’re better off without you. Because you think you’re a fuck up, or worthless or any number of things. I know. And fundamentalist christianity or hell even just reading certain sections of the bible by yourself like I did can often call you worthless, a despicable sinner who should grovel on the ground and be thankful that ‘the Lord’ could even love a worthless worm like you when /he/ is so perfect.
Because you are filthy and wrong.
I was afraid my mere existence was dooming people to hell because of the christian interpretation of the story of Abraham and Issac. Preachers kept on saying god should come before everything and everyone. I had my doubts my parents would kill me if they had to so I thought I’d remove the choice for them. I thought myself a coward for bottling every time. I had this from age ten to basically 18 to contend with and yet oddly only the fear of hell for myself kept me from doing it. But I really know if I hadn’t finally stopped believing completely this wouldn’t have been enough. I’d have done it.
If people think of their loved ones it’s generally that they’ll be better off without them.
But don’t forget the other possibility, the flip scenario where you also would be glad at certain people’s suffering.
Not that you’re killing yourself *to* make your parents suffer, for example, but it’d be a helluva perk that your death would torment them and even maybe make them remorseful.
That was me for awhile.
(But then of course there’s folks like Toedouche who just dissociate themselves from the blame and put it on Satan anyways, just like they taught in church!)
The “suicide is selfish” arguement just makes depressed people feel worse. Trust me, I know this too well. If I’m in the Black Pit, being told I’m selfish to not ignore my pain, will only reinforce my feeling of worthlessness, and that the world would be a better place without me.
Damn. I wonder if Becky was allowed to receive some type of counseling to help her through this, or if Toedad would have been opposed to anything beyond talking to their pastor.
I’d bet anything it was their family secret and Becky wasn’t supposed to talk about it. Maybe to their pastor, tops, but certainly not to a doctor or therapist or person outside the community.
For those who scrolled down and got triggered, this is my favorite emergency crisis intervention reading for suicidal ideation. It has quite literally saved my life on a few occasions: http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
The “pain exceeds coping methods” sentence summed it all up in a way I’d never thought of before but was exactly what I was feeling. Thanks, that’s a really useful way of thinking about it.
Yeah, and it’s really helped in my darkest moments, because the downside of DID is that when my depressive alter gets more of the floor, it can get really easy to believe that I’ve never felt joy and will be broken forever and all those lovely depression lies. So shifting more coping strategies or finding a way to process out one of my pain sources can usually help me dig out of a suicidal ideation with minimal damage.
same, i mean pretty much nothing works when i’m in that state, everything anyone tells me seems ridiculous, but this is the thing i’ve read that seems most reasonable to me when i get like that.
This makes me hate Ross even more. Rather than supporting your daughter through this incredibly difficult time, you turn on and disown her. It makes his desertion of her even more reprehensible. Poor Becky.
I don’t see how it can survive this. But then again, Becky has wacky masked some pretty horrific things and is now walking into the room where Jocelyne and Joyce are and thus has an audience she’ll not want to collapse in front of.
I guess here we see just what limits exist for the wacky mask.
It may have come as a surprise to us, but none of this was a surprise to Becky. (At least, not in the moment of this comic.) She’s had… months? years? … to process this event. The fresh reminders might make her melancholy, and maybe even momentarily depressed. But we know for a fact that the wacky mask HAS endured in the wake of exactly this trauma.
Wow… Look, you just drained all the emotion and suspense out of the comic. I mean, I get it. I really do. Content warnings are important.
Someone may let their children read this comic and want to sit down and have a talk with them about this page. Someone may have attempted suicide themselves or lost someone they love to it. People need warnings on these things.
…but my god man, there were better ways to handle this stuff. Hell, you could have done with Rooster Teeth did and put out a blog post warning how heavy this gets. Hell you could have hidden the spoilers inside the white text so you don’t see it until you actually read it. bloob poobl. See that? You had no idea that this sentence paragraph contained those words. Leaving it there centred in the screen of course we’re all going to see it and you’re going to ruin the emotional impact of it.
Honestly, this whole thing was a let down. Your webcomic has plenty of uncomfortable content. Gun violence. Attempted rape. I don’t think it’s necessary for you to point out all these things in advance, but my god man if you’re going to do it at least find some way of doing it that doesn’t compromise the story itself.
I’m totally inured to attempted suicides in fiction, and I still thought it was sweet and thoughtful of Willis to put the warning in there, just in case somebody is legit sensitive to it right now.
A darker text, or something that you had to highlight, might’ve been preferable, but whatever, it didn’t detract from the comic for me. I just saw the impact before the first panel instead of in the last panel; I didn’t feel spoiled to get the twist less than two seconds early.
Patreon users got to dive right in without warning…
I think this method is superior.
And as many people have commented, the gesture was massively appreciated by a large number of people.
Overall, a content warning gives a head’s up. The small amount a work may be diminished for you does not compare to how diving in cold to something triggering like this can ruin an entire evening in unable to focus awfulness.
Things like this allow the full audience to actually participate in the medium, because they can prepare themselves for it. That is a good thing.
Good to know I should sign up for the Patreon to get the real comic with the full emotional impact. These are fictional comic characters. I’ve read much, much worse throughout the annals of Vertigo.
Ugh, save me from “edgy” 90s kids who think “Press 1 for English” style appellations is somehow “robbing them of the full emotional impact of things”.
Fuck, you’re all reading these comics in a webpage covered in ads, not presented on an ornate obsidian column. The “full emotional impact” was always going to be “dulled” by reminders that this is a story on a webpage and later a story in a comic book with physical pages to tie us to the real. Adding one other thing to keep it from completely ruining someone’s day is not “dulling the full emotional impact” any more than not punching someone in the face “dulls the experience of their morning commute”.
I mean, I think I’ve been spoiled by just seeing the final panel from the corner of my eye, but I’m not gonna ask him to like post one panel at a time. He actually did a good job of trying to not spoil people.
The Gun Violence was predicted by the readership long before it actually happened.
The Attempted Rape was foreshadowed in the strip long before it actually happened.
The Attempted Suicide? Not so much. Everyone though Bonnie died of cancer until Willis explicitly denied it, then we though she just ran off, despite Willis saying she was, and I quote, “fertilizer”.
A trigger warning may have helped in the last two cases, but it was hardly necessary, as we were not caught off our guards nearly so much as here.
And at least some of the Patreon readers probably insisted on the trigger warning for exactly these reasons.
I did not read past the first two panels based on the warning, then gleaned the overview from the comments.
Fuck you.
This situation actually fucking happened to me. I lived this, you asshole. And reading the brunt of this comic would have fucking wrecked me.
TOO FUCKING BAD IF YOU DO NOT LIKE THE STYLE OF THE WARNING.
GO READ OTHER SHIT THEN, MAYBE SOMETHING FOR INSENSITIVE ASSHOLES LIKE YOURSELF.
WHO ARE MORE CONCERNED WITH HOW SURPRISING A COMIC IS FOR THEM, THAN HOW TRAUMATIC IT CAN BE FOR OTHERS.
Fuck you.
@Author – Thank you so much for preventing me from reading the whole comic, in the precise way you did which made sure I understood what I was getting into if I decided to read.
*appropriate gesture of support that can turn into a really tight hug if that is what that looks like for you*
I’m so sorry for what you went through and I’m glad you are taking care of your mental health. And I’m really sorry for insensitive assholes who care more about presenting a pose of detached desensitization than being respectful of other people’s traumas.
Internet comfort and support thoroughly seconded, and seriously fuck all these jerks who don’t understand what being triggered is like and why being considerate to the people who need it is more important than their asshole sense of “surprise” and “impact”.
I wonder what they even think it is. Cause in reality its losing a day or two to intense emotional distress and being a crying shaking mess afterwards. It’s walking nightmares and not being able to sleep and panic attacks. It’s clawing at your skin just to make it hurt and getting back to that stage where you start planning an early exit again.
It’s unmitigated hell, not some fanciful walk in the park. Not something “we’re making up for attention”. It’s a day that’s now ruined because some stray piece of bullshit called up all the demons of some awful unbearable day.
It’s biting and scratching yourself in the hopes someone, ANYONE, notices that you’re not okay. It’s going home straight to your bed and just wanting to sleep so you don’t have to be conscious any longer, and waking up still feeling like shit assuming you even got to sleep and not just feeling miserable and trying to cry. It’s spending a day after a pop culture thing handled badly sets you off going back over and over again to the people you know talk about that thing because you can’t be the only one feeling this, right, there has to be someone ELSE who understands why this narrative hurts. It’s not trusting yourself to walk across the street and, when you have to to get to food or class, not giving yourself even the slightest bit of leeway from the crosswalk and the walk signal even if the street’s clear because if you bend the rules while you’re mostly well you might bend them more when you’re not. It’s spending hours trying to force your brain to just NOT fixate on this and failing because the pathways and chemicals are things you can’t control, and then feeling like shit because you can’t and feeling like even more shit that you can’t control things like all the rest of these people say they can.
It’s exhausting and endless and it can eat you alive if it catches you unaware.
I think part of the problem is that a lot of people have misused the word trigger and applied it to “this thing that makes me uncomfortable” instead of a genuine trigger. So people who don’t have any experience with what a REAL trigger is see people using it for trivial things, and assume that triggers are not that serious.
The genuine meaning of the word has been watered down, to everyone’s detriment.
Willis. Mate. I have never commented on here before but I had to this time. Fuck. That was unexpected and gut wrenching, but definitely done with appropriate gravity. Thank you
Personally I saw it as a resource like the hotline number under the comic. Sometimes you need to take a breather and look at the baby animal and the lighthearted joke before diving into a discussion about this sort of thing.
I think it would have been better if cute pictures were linked with the other resources, then. Because yes, sometimes cute animals do help. But sometimes you just need a moment to feel sad in peace, and cute animal pictures won’t help you then.
Coping mechanism – notice odd details around the thing that bothers me, rather than focus on the thing itself. (By way of explanation, so people don’t think I’m heartless or something)
Did Becky’s parents have separate bedrooms? Because she already left her old room, Joyce & Jocelyne are in Toedad’s room, but it looks like Bonnie is on a bed in yet another bedroom.
Separate bedrooms says a lot about the quality of a marriage, over and above the dominant God-freak husband thing.
Small wonder she was so depressed that even her daughter wasn’t enough to keep her here.
Could just be a guest bedroom. I think yesterday it was mentioned that there was a third bedroom the kids weren’t allowed into. I think 2-bedroom houses are pretty rare, so good odds their house has an extra bedroom.
Becky said when they landed in the other room that there was one other room with a bed in it and that was Toedad’s room. Seeing as how she’s now standing in front of a bed and it’s likely not her own, that means she’s standing outside what was until very recently Toedad’s room and was both parent’s room before that.
It also means she’s standing in the doorway of where Jocelyne and Joyce are. So she’s not going to want to let herself collapse no matter how painful and destructive this ghost of a memory is.
And I’m starting to think that burying method was carefully taught. That wacky to hide the pain was her mother’s method as well and why they are cracking up laughing about toast.
The Js have left Toedad’s room already. You can see exercise equipment behind Joyce in the first panel, which means they’re in the “other bedroom” that was talked about yesterday.
It’s a bit confusing because Joyce says “the other bedroom”, but she’s meaning the other bedroom in contrast to Becky’s bedroom, not Toedad’s. It looks like there’s two bedrooms, a living room, and kitchen (and probably at least one bathroom somewhere) in the house.
So the Js are likely directly in front of her on the other side of the room, over by Toedad’s exercise equipment.
A bed, exercise equipment, a desk, AND a dresser? That’s a crowded bedroom…
Nah, you might be right tho. I’m having trouble parsing the dialog cause I’m instinctively comparing the layout to my own three-bedroom house. Either way, we’ll find out tomorrow.
Separate bedrooms says a lot about the quality of a marriage, over and above the dominant God-freak husband thing.
Not necessarily. Some people sleep apart from their spouses simply because they have different sleep needs. One is an extreme night owl and the other a serious morning person, perhaps, or one needs a light on and some music while the other needs darkness and silence. Or maybe one is simply an extremely restless sleeper.
So long as they’re there for each other emotionally and both sides are having their sexual needs met, their relationship can be fine even if they don’t share a bed for sleeping in.
I don’t usually comment, but I feel like I need to acknowledge the weight behind today’s strip. You handled it really well, Willis, both with the strip and with including the hotline in the description. For any other teens that read this strip besides me that aren’t comfortable talking with adults/talking on the phone at all but still need to talk to someone, look up Oregon Youthline. All of our volunteers are teens, our hours are 4-10 PM PST, and we’re here to support you.
That’s… that’s…
Becky has carried that with her through this entire arc. When she ran away from her dad, when she spent a day building up to coming out to Joyce and ultimately was rejected, when ToeDad showed up AGAIN and hunted her with a gun, when he said that she had destroyed the family…
GAH “You have destroyed our family” GAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Did she even tell Joyce?????? Did she carry it all inside her all this time…
Yeah, it makes that line calculated to wound. “You destroyed our family”, carried in this context is a brutal sword of accusation to begin with, but now… it’s a means of pinning even her mom’s suicide or suicide attempts on her. A means of trying to argue that Satan’s pursual of her destroyed this “happy union” even then.
And Joyce seems to not really have much association with things on that front, so it’s also likely that Becky didn’t even tell Joyce this happened…
And now I’m reminded of my ex’s family who were abusive and fond of telling each other that telling outside people of family business was the greatest sin of all. It’s too likely that Toedad encouraged her to keep quiet about “their dark little secret” so that none of his Church buddies would think his faith “wasn’t pure enough” to push away Satan in this instance.
And thus Becky with no one to talk to while processing this. But needing to smile and be wacky and act as if nothing was wrong…
I’d almost guarantee you Toedad told her not to tell anyone and covered up the cause of death if she completed it. And if Bonnie did survive this attempt, how much do you want to bet Becky wasn’t allowed to say anything beyond MAYBE “my mom’s in the hospital, but don’t worry she’ll be okay it’s nothing serious” or the like?
I’m beginning to think that crack about “Hey everyone, I’m a lesbian with a girlfriend” was a last ditch, semi-subconscious effort to not go inside. Well, second to last. The mention of chipmunks would be the last.
Yeah, she knows she has to do this, but this is literal emotional torture for her to be here back in this house so soon to everything that went down. I wouldn’t blame her for getting a few moments of cold feet along the way and wanting an excuse for the mission to fail so that she wouldn’t have to relive moments like this.
And it really shows the cost of Becky continuously pushing herself far past her own boundaries of self-care. She’s not actually made of rock. She’s not actually unbreakable and she needs to start being more mindful of her mental health if she’s going to get through this big scary process of rebuilding a life.
It just… every word Toedad said, from “She hasn’t had a female role model in her life and the void has been occupied by the evil one whispering vile desires” to all those references of “I will keep you safe! I will protect my household! I will die before I let Satan take you from me!” takes on new levels of awful, awful awful significance. The fact that Toedad explicitly said, to her face, almost certainly KNOWING she either found Bonnie’s body or intervened before the attempt was completed, that he was willing to die if she didn’t come with him and stop him from doing so. The fact that his solution was to bring her back to the household that he knew full well wasn’t an impenetrable stronghold of his will and safety where his family could never do something he didn’t approve of. And “If I slow down, you’ll try to jump out of the car” is its own new kind of “holy shit does he maybe think”, too.
Also: “You have a cell phone? You defy me” just says to me Bonnie was probably as isolated too.* So no chance of calling a hotline or something herself, no chance of looking for help, the only chance she would have to reach out is to a pastor (who would say “pray harder”) or her husband (who I’m pretty damn sure was at least a contributing factor in this) to let her go to therapy or the like. No wonder she felt so hopeless this looked like the best way out.
* (Evidence, for those who will demand it and think I’m just extrapolating: The Abusive Shit I Share Genes With, who is very much a Blaine-Toedad type. My mom’s youngest half-sister is around my age and wasn’t permitted a Facebook page going into college, and my mom once had to buy his wife a prepaid cell phone while he was in the hospital so she had some way of keeping other family members in contact about the situation. My mom was the one buying it because he was the one who handled the money in the household. Ross is not a straw man or a cartoonish supervillain; Willis is not exaggerating; PEOPLE LIKE THIS EXIST.)
Eh, it’s not so much that it’s dark as that it’s really powerful to some really specific people. When you’re on the brink of suicide, it’s better to be safe with what you read and focus on than it is to activate those thoughts and memories.
For people who have recently been suicidal (or anywhere in their past really), yes.
Yes, it is that dark.
It has power to recall those memories of how hopeless you felt. If your life hasn’t since made much improvement from that low place, it can send you right back. With the result that you may again consider that final solution.
For someone who has felt *that* hopeless, if you were desperately suicidal the night before but didn’t do anything about it then and woke up the next morning and got distracted momentarily by the daily grind, those hopeless feelings are still there, right under the damn surface, and you literally can be just one fragile second away from another reminder that your life is shit, and why bother?
The shark may have gone just under the surface of the water, but that shark is still there. Circling. Waiting for your life.
So. One person’s enjoyment, or another persons life?
Seriously. Six months after I considered it the first time that episode, six months in which we’d decided I was well enough to go back to school, a particularly bad meltdown and having to cross the street on the way back to my dorm where I could collapse were enough to make me go “I don’t trust my thoughts right now because I’m really questioning my desire to stay alive if it’s for this.” This was me in recovery, after having changed my medication to something effective and having had time to adjust and consider myself Not Depressed, being set off enough to be scared by a bad mindset and the method I’d considered.
It can take a lot less when you’re even closer than that.
Even if a person isn’t On The Brink, where they may get triggered into a full-blown attempt, they might experience an absolutely sleepless night where their brain latches onto suicidal ideas and endlessly pesters them about the pills in their drawer. Or they might have a completely shitty day chilling in their self-care mode, when they really wanted to get something else done. You know? That’s probably not what Willis wants for his readers, either, and it’s fine to prefer skipping a visual depiction of suicide until you’re feeling particularly bulletproof against it.
Yup, I’ve legitimately lost count of all the times I straight up lost an evening or self-injured as part of a major trigger leading into a bout of suicidal ideation. There was a period of time when that was just every night, over the randomest of things.
Triggering someone’s suicidal ideation is not something you want to wander into lightly and I’m glad that Willis was cognizant to recognize that as a potential risk in this particular comic.
dude. i appreciate the effort, but this would have been way more satisfying without the gratuitous warning. please don’t coddle us. we’re not made of glass.
Except some people really need the warning. You want to say those people are “made of glass”? Go ahead – but their well-being is a little more important than your fleeting satisfaction.
Itama, dude, don’t coddle us. I am capable of apprenticing the strip perfectly fine without the warning getting in my way. I don’t need my content served on a silver platter exactly formatted for my needs for it to be satisfying.
Well be glad this warning wasn’t made for you, then. Because if you’ve been through this and have mental health problems because of this, triggering flashbacks or other stuff, you appreciate a warning.
Thank you very much for the warning, Willis, it is very appreciated by me, a person who needs it sometimes.
Yes, yes, you’re so edgy and lucky and don’t have the wonderful battery of easily triggered PTSD responses some of us have.
But oh, you think that luck means you’re better than others, stronger than others, and there pal, is where I say fuckevous du.
Cause you are not stronger than other people simply because you have been lucky enough in your life circumstances to not be affected one way or another by trigger warnings. To feel that having to scroll down a little before reading and having some other images near your images (but oh no, the blaring ads don’t distract, no, not at all) is some grand imposition worthy of critique and whine is a sign of your petulance and again, luck.
Cause, see, those people with bad triggers you so casually denigrate and undervalue. The people you say are “made of glass” are the strongest motherfuckers on the planet. The shit many of them have likely gone through, especially to be triggered by this.
Suicidal ideation? Fuck, having to fight and defeat an ever-present force in your head that wants you dead? That will latch on to every dark thought to drive your actions towards self-harm and self-cessation?
PTSD? Fuck, having your entire senses sabotaged from time to time with literally debilitating flood of neurotransmitters and haunted shell interactions, nasty panic attacks in public spaces, ruined days of misery fighting once again one’s own brain.
You want to do this little pose, set yourself up as a strong person in comparison because you are lucky enough to have that not be your daily life.
No. You are not. The people that warning is actually for?
Cerberus, not sure if I’ve said it before but I’ve certainly thought it and you sure as hell deserve to hear it after that one: You are my hero. Every time I wade into these comments you are one of the commentors I make sure to read because they’re always worthwhile and well thought-out. Thank you, this was no exception.
It’s not about strength or whatever. It’s about the fact that for some people with certain life experiences, coming to this comic expecting some lighthearted breaking and entering and seeing this could kinda ruin your whole day or worse. I didn’t need the warning, but I’m not sad it was there for the folks who did.
And the pieces are falling into place…
This was what Becky ran away from. It was not only about the right to be herself, it was not only about having a stab at life goals more interesting than homeschooling kids… it was about not being trapped on the road to suicide.
Becky literary ran for her life. No wonder the gun didn’t face her all that much.
Girl’s tough as shit.
Or possibly just completely desensitized to emotional pain to the point where bottling up her negative emotions is her immediate response to having those emotions.
It gets you through the short term like no one’s business and then fucks up your ability to even fully tell what emotions you’re feeling afterwards for… I’ll let you know when I get my full suite back again and I stop having random crying jags for long-buried pain.
If Becky’s going down this route to make it to her life resetting, she’s going to have a heavy bill when her life stabilizes out and she’s got nothing but time to start facing the buried demons in her head.
Therapy can be great, if you have a good therapist. But people here are constantly saying, “This character needs therapy,” or “that character really needs therapy!” when often what they need is some sympathetic friends to listen to them and be helpful and trustworthy (as Joyce’s sister is doing right now,) rather than specifically therapy.
I’m not trying to pick on you specifically, because tons of people say it. I just had to pick one.
If therapy works for Becky, great. If she finds that it’s not her thing, then that’s also fine. Therapists aren’t required for working through trauma.
Fair enough, and I tend to say that “character X needs therapy” A LOT.
I think that it is almost always worth a try (for everyone). It may or may not work, because a lot of things need to be aligned for it to be successful, but just getting to the place where you are willing to try therapy usually means that you have are prepared to accept helps in other forms as well (I think Ruth is a stellar example on someone who needs to get herself to that place).
As for Becky, she absolutely need some quality time with her friends without being hunted by her parents (living or dead) and without having to deal with the latest crizes. Joyce did more for her here (www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-5/01-when-somebody-loved-me/pit/) than any therapist can ever do. But even then I think she will have a real problem opening up about things she has been taught her entire life to suppress. A professional can help with that.
Yeah, when I say “someone please get this character therapy” what I generally mean is that “please get this character to a place where they can accept help and someone to offer and give that help, even if it’s just listening to what they need to say” sort of idea. I mean, there’s a couple I think also genuinely need medication or professional treatment (hey again, Ruth), but that’s still secondary to “Please, tell someone what you’re going through and let them help you.”
And for Becky at least, I think a professional is needed, because one of her major blocks is reaching out to friends in times of need and stating what she needs openly without self-deprecating or trying to put some happy wacky spin on it.
Hell, she literally believes that no one would bother with her if she was a “debbie downer” instead of wacky happy Becky.
She needs a stranger with training to talk to just to get her to the point where she feels comfortable going to friends and saying “I’m not doing okay at all and I need help” without feeling she needs to obfuscate and bury it.
Another thing to note in this case, then, is that:
If you choose therapy, you don’t have to stick with one therapist.
You are allowed to change to a new therapist, weeks or months or even years later, and as many times as you need to change, until you find one that works for you, who you feel is in your corner and who you communicate well with.
(That last bit especially, my previous therapist was well-meaning enough, but seemed to put her foot in her mouth a lot. Felt bad leaving her at first, but had to be done, didnt feel like I was getting anywhere. With a much better one now!)
That’s a really good analysis of Becky and I think you’re right. She’s a survivor and she’ll cling to what she can to make it work and she can McGyver hope out of some pretty hopeless moments.
But yeah, it’s all worth it to her to not end up where her mom did. Feeling trapped to that degree.
As a formerly acutely suicidal person, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to read this strip after I saw the warning, but then I did and now I’m glad. Because this is really well done. And yeah, it does hit me somewhere. It hits me in that place where my mother broke down crying after I first told her about my suicidal thoughts and almost-actions and she said ‘Didn’t you ever think of me and how I would feel if you killed yourself?’ to me. I’m sure Becky has asked herself that very same question. But as the suicidal person, that is not how you think, at least not the way I thought. I hated my life and myself so much that I thought everyone else would be better off without me. If I thought about anyone else at all. Mostly I just wanted the pain to stop.
But eventually, thinking about someone (not really my mother though) was what stopped me from killing myself, so in that moment I totally understood where my mother was coming from.
For what it’s worth, I’m really glad I’m still here now and didn’t go through with it. And I hope everyone reading this comic who may be feeling like this at the moment can stay strong and hang in there. There is always potential, always hope, that life isn’t always going to feel the way it does to you now. And in case you haven’t heard this in a while: I believe in you and you got this.
Yeah, my first thought was actually that Bonnie died to something else, and this was Becky walking in on her dad, then I noticed he wasn’t in the tags, which means there’s a good chance tomorrow’s strip will be much sadder.
There was a silence where there had been a noise. An absence where there had been a presence. And something new had taken it’s place.
I was alone
For each stop I grew more uneasy. As I walked closer to the bedroom I could feel the panic whelling up. Could I call someone? Was she even breathing? What could I do? WHAT COULD I DO???
I flinched when a gentle hand was placed on my shoulder.
“It is just a ghost,” the client said softly.
“You can see it too,” I ghasped, and then I felt foolish, because of course she could.
Thanks, needed that, feels and whatnot. #JocelyneNoir sympathy for Becky feels better. Plus it continues to be really enjoyable writing through and through.
That’s not that having feels for the actual comic is bad, just very intense.
OK, the trigger warning, I am fine with. Maybe that could and should have been done in other cases too, but at least it is here now.
But what did take away from the gravity of the situation was the cat. That felt unnecessary to me. Or perhaps even worse, it felt like I was not fully allowed to be emotionally impacted by the strip itself, and was told by the author that I needed to be distracted from the issue at hand.
But if I want to be distracted from when my entertainment choices gives me emotional gut punches, I want that to be my choice (and I usually choose not to). And other people can do their own choices. There are many, many, many places on the internet providing cats or other cute animals.
I agree with this and posts agreeing, but I also don’t think it was a grievous error- maybe because I personally felt I had read it over enough and was ready to disconnect.
Part of the theme of this comic strip is driving home the idea that these things are real, they happen to people, they can’t be ignored, and the sooner this is understood, the stronger the characters can make themselves. And maybe the people reading it, sometimes.
No apologies should be made for this. A warning if necessary, but any attempt to apologise cheapens the gravity of the real situation you’re warning readers not to relive.
Yeah, that’s a really nice small detail. Every one of these ghosts, she’s looked directly at. Which means, it’s not just the metaphor of these memories haunting her, but these specific memories. And to the degree where she’s probably playing back a little of those memories at each part. The faint laughter and feeling of joy being in her mother’s eyes.
Not fully participating, but not fully being able to look away because every new eye glance brings a new memory, some painful, some whistful, all just ripping her to shreds and making it hard for her to be fully present in what they set out to do.
welp I’m just going to be over there with Neko Atsume for the next week admiring my cat collection until I can come back to this and not have the agony of needing to wait for resolution
OK, everybody seems to think that the last panel depicts Becky finding her mom on the bed, a bottle of pills close at hand. May I put forward a different viewpoint?
This is not Becky’s mom, THIS IS HER FATHER. My reasoning: look at the hand. That is a rather large palm and extremely chunky fingers, not at all like a female’s hand.
In addition, note the detail of the cuff on the sleeve. None of the other illustrations of Becky’s mom, not even the one on Willis’ Tumblr, shows any sort of cuff on her blouse(s).
Yeah, but only her mom is tagged, not Toedad. And though Toedad missed leg day, like, always, his legs are still thicker than that, even taking perspective into consideration…..
The “cuff” is actually the bracelet Bonnie wore, I’m pretty sure. You can see it on her character model, which I know is on Patreon but I’m on mobile so someone else needs to provide the link for me please!
Actually, I’m going to go with the explanation that we’ll invent an immortality serum in the next 15 years, and it can be applied to pets as well as humans, and….
…. and every damn follow-through that I can make to that is some thoroughly distopian society. So sure, let’s go with Bast.
I’ve been wondering who was going to be the character to go the suicide route. Wouldn’t be Joyce, couldn’t be Becky, the cast would never recover from even an attempt, and having Mary do it would elicit the wrong reaction from the commenters.
And that’s the truth of it really, our coping strategies for how we deal with the situations that have you running on pure adrenaline, what our automatic impulse is to do tends to be carefully taught to us at a young age.
Maybe it is what we used to survive a bad situation, maybe it was modeled for us, maybe it was what was told to us as the right way, maybe it was what gave comfort when needed.
But given that smiling butter comic, I’d be willing to beat that wacky away the pain and sorrow is a MacIntyre family women’s tradition.
Speaking as someone who does not need trigger warnings:
Am I the only person here who thought that the trigger warning kinda made the strip better, in a way? Just this one time, the author comes out and tells you “something really, really bad is coming up”.
Well, for me it built it up as something big and shocking so I was disappointed with the reality of it. I mean it’s still horrible but it made me imagine far worse scenarios.
Not on the comic page, but I think he’s tried to put warnings on Twitter when things have been ‘this hits close to home’s heavy for some people, and I’ve always thought that was pretty neat of him.
A trigger warning for attempted suicide is not something I personally need, but Willis, I really respect that you provided it for the people who do. The way you handle serious, traumatic events in these characters lives is really, really, wonderful, and I just wish that certain tv shows could be as sensitive to the realities of their audience members as you are to yours. Anyway, thank you.
I thought about writing something to this effect, but I saw your comment, and realized it would be redundant. As you say, I’m not one who needs something like this, but I respect that there are people who do and appreciate that such a warning was provided for them.
My only experience with suicide are the deaths of an uncle of mine when I was an infant (this is still felt by my father and his father), and the death of an aunt on my mom’s side (my cousin was formally adopted for a while by my mother, as she was suddenly an orphan–she lives with her biological father now). Neither of these people were folks that I was all that close to, but I *am* close to those who have survived them.
My thoughts on the matter are confusing to me, and I find myself struggling to empathize with those touched by an experience that is mostly alien to me. I want to help those touched by this, but I know not the best way to do that–all I can do is try the best I can and hope for the best.
Sorry, I’m rambling and not making any sense. I’ll stop now.
Hah it’s kinda selfish of me to think when Willis said, “Things will be dark with this update” (paraphrased) that I thought he just meant we’d get a glimpse into Bonnie’s death. And like, just seeing a parent die was dark enough for the warning. It didn’t even occur to me that it would be a heavier subject because having a parent die just due to natural causes is emotional for me. Suicide wasn’t even on my radar. And it’s strange by making it even darker I was able to dissasociate it from my dad’s death that I can get the emotional punch of the death without drudging up my past/ emotions.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it is what it is y’know? fortunately i’ve been pretty numb and like “nothing matters” all day, so i didn’t need the warning. but thank you for the hug.
and thanks! now if only i could update regularly. i’m trying to build a small update buffer rn
I hope you continue to stay safe and practice self-care. You are an awesome person and I’m sorry for the numbness. I remember it, and it was not fun being that deadened to everything.
The disclamier is much appreciated, but I should say that there was no disclamier when Joyce was asaulted and I’m sure that there are one or two strips that would have required a word or two
Ok….first off I had parent commit suicide so the warning is appreciated…but whats wrong with just saying warning this strip talks of suicide…why do ya have to use the sjw bullshit trigger warning..just saying warning gets the message across.
And no trigger warning for the part of the comic that shows people unable to find something they’re looking for? That’s the kind of emotional trauma I can more easily relate to.
“Trigger” is an ACTUAL PSYCHIATRIC TERM. Just because people are more aware of it now because of the increased communication provided by the internet doesn’t mean it’s some made up, meaningless slang. He’s warning about something that could be a trauma trigger for people. It’s accurate. And besides, whether he used “trigger warning”, “content warning”, or just “warning” would make LITERALLY no difference in the message. What the hell is wrong with you.
Seriously. The whining about triggers and trigger warnings remind me a lot of the whining by bigots about trans people. Lots of sound and fury as people try and pretend a well-studied and catalogued phenomenon starting to enter into wider social awareness is somehow a brand new invention by evil liberals to trick bigots into looking like idiots.
Like, we’re all just finding new ways to suffer so that we can go “ha ha, you still have to learn something about the world you inhabit, because we made up a whole new group of people”!
But hey, easier to believe in conspiracies about how the world works and play-act an aggressive ignorance than to accept that what is, simply is and won’t disappear just because you want it to badly enough.
That moment when you appreciate trigger warnings because they provide a genuine moment of care for a tragedy you underwent… but you’re still worried about looking like a (slur for gay man) if you admit it, so need to aggressively rant about EssJayDubbayous like a prat.
Huh, didn’t know my psychologist is pulling out some SJW bullshit every time I talk about how much certain things can send me into a nihilistic or self-loathing spiral and she agrees I have to manage exposure to stuff that can trigger me. Thank you for that completely unsolicited information! Unfortunately she’s also a very helpful psychologist so ya know I think I’m going to keep at seeing her all the same.
Personally, I was expecting to see Becky’s previously-unknown (even to her) older sister chained up in the Forbidden Bedroom, where she lived her entire life as Toedad’s incestuous sex slave, until just yesterday dying from thirst and starvation because he wasn’t around to feed her any more.
I understand and appreciate the trigger warning (though it’s a bit overbearing), but jeez did you really need to include the cat? Talk about mood whiplash.
This touchs me in so many ways… my multiple suicide attempts…. my family’s refusal to accept mental illness is real, and not just attention seeking behaviour… my ex’s belief that mental illness is cured by prayer, fasting and exorcism…. my Mum’s opinion that my mental health issues are some way to “get her”… the subsequent damage to so many in my family that their denial has caused…
If someone in your family has mental health issues, and/or self-harm issues, for the Love of God TALK to them. Don’t judge, don’t try to find “reasons” or “answers”, “blame”, just listen, love and support them in what they’re fighting.
When family turns against the ill, that’s when suicide seems to become the ONLY option left. After all, if those who are meant to support and love you no matter what turn against you, it’s really hard to see any point to existing.
Similar situation with me realising someone I was close to had attempted too, they were still conscious and pretending nothing had happened when I realised and we called an ambulance. Rough night for everyone involved, we didn’t stay friends for other reasons but I all ways hope they got help and are doing better.
I’ve battled depression and suicidal urges over the past decade and sometimes it never feels like it’ll be better, even after things have gotten better. I recently moved two timezones away from a state where things were stagnating and getting worse, to a place where my gf and I are 3 months from HRT, and I have a job where my boss respects me being trans and has been fully supportive. And yet, last week, I felt like I wanted to be hit by a truck. The night had a bit of a conflict and I went to take a walk and that feeling just came back up.
I guess part of why I mention this is like… Bonnie may have dealt with this regardless of how she was treated. I’m sure it didn’t help if Toedad was being a jackass but the point is, is that even when I’m surrounded by people who care about me and the only asses I have to deal with are customers at my job, it doesn’t change that the struggle still exists.
Being on the other end of the state from my toxic family and having a loving wonderful fiancée of then-5 years didn’t stop me from attempting last summer either.
It is so rare for this shit to ever fully truly go away. You are fully correct that even if Bonnie felt that stuff was going OK, she could still have felt like she had reasons.
I’ve been there. And I can say the nights where that feeling rears its ugly head will eventually slow down and become more infrequent. Also, congrats on supportive boss and gf and being close to hormones.
Hormones are slow, but they can make a real important difference and I’m so happy that you’re on route to getting access to them.
This is one of the times I need to keep reminding myself that this is just a web comic.
Or… make that ‘try to remind myself’. It’s also the time that it doesn’t quite work.
Thank you for the warning and thank you doing it in a way that actually prevented you from just straight out seeing the strip first. Thank you for being kind.
And that is an amazingly cute kitten picture I’ve somehow never seen before.
“Religion is the opium of the people.” quoth Marx and Lenin. It dulls their senses, defies logic, eliminates common sense, justifies everything, tolerates no dissent, brooks no interference, creates heroes and villains and engenders justifiable retribution all in it’s name.
Becky’s Mom simply had enough conflict in her mind and tried to escape the only way she knew how. Requiescat in pace.
Let’s not prooftext. What Marx said is: “Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people.” The preceding sentence gives the necessary context.
Better yet, let’s take the whole passage, because even that one extra sentence is still pretty selective:
The foundation of irreligious criticism is: Man makes religion, religion does not make man. Religion is, indeed, the self-consciousness and self-esteem of man who has either not yet won through to himself, or has already lost himself again. But man is no abstract being squatting outside the world. Man is the world of man – state, society. This state and this society produce religion, which is an inverted consciousness of the world, because they are an inverted world. Religion is the general theory of this world, its encyclopaedic compendium, its logic in popular form, its spiritual point d’honneur, its enthusiasm, its moral sanction, its solemn complement, and its universal basis of consolation and justification. It is the fantastic realization of the human essence since the human essence has not acquired any true reality. The struggle against religion is, therefore, indirectly the struggle against that world whose spiritual aroma is religion.
Religious suffering is, at one and the same time, the expression of real suffering and a protest against real suffering. Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people.
The abolition of religion as the illusory happiness of the people is the demand for their real happiness. To call on them to give up their illusions about their condition is to call on them to give up a condition that requires illusions. The criticism of religion is, therefore, in embryo, the criticism of that vale of tears of which religion is the halo.
So, again, a bit more complex than “religion dulls senses, it sucks”.
That’s… not strictly what Marx met. Especially in 1844 (when the sentence was written), opium wasn’t considered necessarily bad. For example, the push to ban “opium dens” in the united states didn’t start until 1875. The point wasn’t that “religion is bad, mkay?” The point was that religion was an a pain killer. A way of coping with suffering in absence of an alternative. Useful, but subject to abuse.
At this point, I feel like I’ve processed out a lot of the shock and emotion of that last panel and argued the case for why the trigger warning is a damn good idea. And really this whole thing tips on those two things, they are the eye of the storm that sucks everything in. I’ve also overanalyzed a lot of angles on the suicide up above, so I’ll be being a bit light in that section. That said, there’s a lot more going on that I want to savor.
Panel 1: Bags are good. Bags can be filled, grabbed, and ran with if they hear the blare of a siren or feel they have overstayed the bounds of their welcome. Bags also mean that Toedad’s organization is for shit and so her paperwork, if anywhere is probably crumpled up in one of those bags or lost in a stack of drivel.
Also, I love that now the double Js are taking the lead and the initiative on this and playing off each other with the ease and familiarity Becky and Jocelyne had. They are a good team and they are good family to each other. And I love to see that bonding through mutual criminality is working out so well.
Panel 2: YES! Okay, it’s still not nearly everything, and some form of visual identification would be key, but at least now, she has what she needs to fill out applications, if not to give her employers her necessary documents to actually start work. It’s also a piece she can use to try and minimize some of what she’d need to order.
And most importantly? It means she has documentation. It means Toedad wasn’t so paranoid about the Anti-christ that he ignored federal laws regarding births.
And that means she has a birth certificate and a social security number somewhere. They just need to find it.
Panel 3: Joyce said in an early comic that class was at the kitchen table and that she didn’t need to dress up, even though she always did. Here we see that class, with the level of textbooks I quoted yesterday.
And the tragedy of that, is that look at Becky’s face, how she remembers herself studying on her bed in the previous day’s comics. Becky is inquisitive and loves to learn. Is voracious at trying to gain information, and yet was deliberately starved for input. Given garbage and rot and denied access to most of the rest of the world for fear it would “corrupt” her. She loved to learn, was excited to learn, but her sect views genuinely educated women as “unfeminine” and so without her self-realization and reinvention, that all would have been wasted on so much unnecessary garbage.
Also, looking ahead to that last panel. The mother of a Pre-Millennial Dispensationalist Rapturist Christian household is everything. She is expected to stay home 24/7 keeping the home and raising the kids and in this sect, providing said kid with the entirety of her education. Bonnie was Becky’s teacher, was the person she spent all day every day with, and did the majority of her socializing with. Bonnie was likely the first person Becky turned to in emotional crises and was likely the person who formed the majority of Becky’s world and life.
And so when she sees the body on the bed, that’s not just her mom, that’s her whole world. That’s the person she’s spent the majority of her lived years interacting with. That’s everything.
Panel 4: Laughing and hugging in front of butter and toast. Unlike Joyce and her mom, this coupling may have even been genuinely loving between them and Bonnie may have been a great comfort to her.
But it’s also a sign of where Becky learned her wacky defense mechanism. A mom that will crack silly jokes and will let things be fun and silly and wacky when Toedad isn’t stomping around. It’s a stretch and an assumption, but I could see Becky and Bonnie having the same coping strategies for dealing with the prison that is the culture in which they were raised.
Only difference? Bonnie wasn’t able to run when she needed to.
Panel 5: Discovering with pills, Becky’s previous smile flipped upside down in shock and terror.
And it’s clear she would have had no clue what to do. Like, no kid is really equipped to handle something like that much less be in charge of making sure ambulances get there in time.
Poor Becky. Poor Bonnie.
This is the ghost that this house may evoke the most and in her face she is in her last barrier, the one before just breaking down and crying and trying to hold on.
After all, she won’t let herself cry knowing that Jocelyne and Joyce are on the other end of the bedroom.
Ugh, I want to give *hugs* to all the fictional characters, but I can’t. I can’t hug all the fictional characters.
A good analysis as always!
You raise a great point with Becky’s love of learning, her sense of curiosity. I don’t recall Joyce sneaking out and stuff, but in these last few pages we have confirmed that Becky did so semi-regularly. Curiosity about the outside world, a desperate hunger to learn that the limited, very-cherrypicked information provided via homeschooling, could not sate, could be the only motivation for this.
Heck, her final words to Toedad under police watch in the hospital, was to threaten him that she would go to college and become a motherfuckin scientist. She does not occur to me as the type to make that big a threat lightly.
I pray for her that this entire maelstrom of her life right now, does not kill her curiosity, that she someday follows through on her threat to her father. I pray that the bright spark that is Becky does not ever fade out.
True story, “Cat Therapy” (as in spending a week or so every month with a friend’s seven cats) was a major reason that I was able to overcome suicidal depression.
(also medication and actual therapy).
So, not quite the way it hits becky, but this hits home.
¡¡¡ Potential Trigger !!!
Okay, I hate to sound like a troll, but it’s not the worst thing in the world. If I hadn’t made so many freaking promises that I wouldn’t and now there’s kids in my life that don’t have the coping skills to deal with it… I’d have gladly checked out over a decade ago but now I’m stuck in some lousy obligation for who knows how long? Sure I’ve had some good days since then, enough to deal with all the rest of it though? It’s been years since I’ve made an attempt but I still spend more days than not hoping for an aneurysm or something. All you ever hear is suicidal ideation being a symptom of the mentally ill and thus of course it’s always irrational. Just because I have different priorities & it makes people uncomfortable I’ve gotta stick around keep my head down & walk in step with society so I don’t have to worry about being locked up?
…
My comment may have gotten away from me somewhat…
It’s just… If you want to see it as selfish, sure, go ahead but if you’ve gotten help, you’ve talked it out, it’s been a while and you still want out maybe there’s actually a freaking reason and people should cut you some slack.
The Suicide or attempted suicide of a loved one is quite possibly one of the most horrifying things that can happen to anyone, and that’s not even considering the recrimination the whole “could i have seen this coming” that survivors go through.
Suicide is also one of the most selfish things you can do to your family and loved ones. Barring some sort of terminal illness, if you have suicidal thoughts or feelings, even ones you dismiss, you need to talk to someone.
But real talk now. Sheltering people from difficult and scary subjects is not helpful. All it does is is create a generation of people who are not emotionally equipped to deal with the real world. We need to stop with the “oh my, this may cause an emotional reaction, so we must hide it from you” attitudes, and instead teach children and young adults that, yes, The world is a scary place some times, but you can be strong enough to get through the rough times, or if not, there are people that can help you get through those times. When I look at some of the stuff going on these days and see 20-somethings that need “safe spaces” to get away from being challenged, it makes me think a few things.
1. How are you going to function in a world that does not care about you?
2. how wretched are your friends and family that they did not/will not help you stand on your own when things get difficult.
3. Are we making things worse by trying to protect and shelter others from difficult things, making them unable to deal with those things when they grow up.
If you have a friend or loved one who is going through something, don’t hide them in a bubble. HELP them. Be there for them. Make sure that they know they are not alone in the world, and for the love of whatever you find sacred, if you see warning signs, don’t ignore them. It’s better to try and get help for your friend and be wrong than to allow them to suffer and get worse.
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Oh boy, i was not prepared for sadness
what about for IMMORTAL KITTEN
It gets to see everything it loves turn to dust and bones until the sun turns red and swallows the earth. Then it will burn for a billion years.
but WERE YOU PREPARED FOR IT
Bearing in mind that cats are sociopathic killers and kittens even more so….
AWWWWWWWWHOWCUTE!
It will nibble the dessicated toes of eternity.
Finally, something to stand up to Conan O’Brien’s evil puppy!
You want that sweet lovable kitten to watch its loved ones die in front of it, unable to help them, all the while slowly being stigmatized and regarded as discriminatory because they can’t keep up with the ever changing culutre that continually expands, meanwhile its brain begins to lose memory of important faces and moments because its brain was not built to remember an eternity.
Eventually that cat has nothing to look forward to but the continuous and rapid boiling and freezing vacuum of a suffocating life once the sun explodes and it will not die.
Its a good thing cats forget their own family after a couple months anyway, and they don’t really need to adapt to changing vulture, so I think the cat will be pretty much just a normal cat for the rest of its long long life. Unless its muscles degrade, in which case it will probably spend a lot of time just lying around, so yeah, just a normal cat.
Is this a reference to Me?
(If not then this sentence makes literally no sense oops)
I saw some Who in it as well… assuming I understood your reference well enough. I can’t even remember her birth name.
(Ashildr)
And yes, the commenter with a name containing ‘Who’ and a grav of Dina in a TARDIS hat was indeed making a Doctor Who reference. Shocking, isn’t it? 😛
Next thing you know, I’ll reference Deadpool, then it’s complete anarchy from there.
Wait, why would you reference Deadpool? I thought that was Deadpool’s job.
Just because the kitten will never die doesn’t necessarily mean the cat it grows into won’t, though that does seem implied.
It will eat those that it loves after they die. Then find more people to love.
Seeing one of your loved ones dying in front of you is a devastating feeling. I went through this unfortunately.
*hugs*?
I was sort of expecting it.
That got dark pretty quick.
well when you try that it’s because you are surrounded by darkness on all sides. or at least you feel like you are.
even though we knew this was coming
THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH DAMNS IN THE UNIVERSE FOR YOU WILLIS
=C =C =C =C =C =C =C
I will deduct a few damns for including the hotline info however
the remaining dams could still hold back the nile i do suspect unfortunatly
The remaining dams could probably hold back a world-destroying flood
The remaining dams could protect Venice even if Neptune sent the whole ocean over there with all of his might.
The remaining dams don’t manage to hold back the tears
I was scrolling slowly down the entire page and I was fine till I saw the hotline listed, for some reason that made me start crying… I’ve no idea why that’s what hit me hardest.
Well this was a lot darker than was expected.
I know. Just a few strips ago we were happily talking about Joyce scooping… somebodies…eyeballs out…
I’m terrible at trying to lighten moods
thank you for the warning and the kitten
Thank you for this attention to detail, Willis. That shows a great deal of respect for a traumatizing horrific issue for so many real-life posters.
Seconding this, with all my heart.
Yeah, I can appreciate the thoughtfulness. That’s how I lost my mother and if it were a more recent event (July 4, 2010) I think this would have crushed me. The only two silver linings was
A) My mom had hidden from some serious issues that had resurfaced. She at least no longer suffers.
B) My dad harbored some serious resentment towards my mother (which she admitted to me was well deserved) that he was able to let go with her passing. I think it actually improved him as a person in several ways and maybe even improved his health.
Anyways, this still had the feels but I’m not upset,
Thank you, Willis, for your consideration to your audience. It saddens me to know that the comment section of this comic has brought such sorrow to its author, to the point where comments have been thrown out altogether. And yet, they are still present for this one- as an experiment, perhaps? I believe, however, there are still a few readers that will be offended no matter what is done to soften the blow. I’m sure you have heard of them.
I love this comic because of how real it is. People with silly quirks have explanations for their behavior. All of the unfortunate taboos that no one will admit to except for behind closed doors are laid bare. This comic has covered sexuality, oppression, depression, sadism and bigotry all in stride. Many people do terrible things. And it only takes a small handful to change the lives of many more in terrible ways. That is believable. That is real.
I see no reason for you to be ashamed of your work. It is powerful, provocative, picturesque, and paralyzingly potent. I feel that the disclaimer in today’s comic cushions the blow of the last panel to an extent that it weakens the emotional strength of the comic itself. Suicide is a major issue that cripples people’s lives in a very similar manner to the other issues you address in this comic, but the presentation of it in a work of art such as this serves to form a stronger bond between the character and audience. There is no need to apologize for tugging at our heart strings the way you do. Damn you Willis, we love you!
ok
Good for Tem for being able to smile after this strip.
Oh. Oh no. 🙁
Ow.
Awww, I wanna give Becky so many hugs! 🙁
:'( :'( :'(
welp :^)
Thanks for that warning, willis. We appreciate you.
That is brilliant comic strip storytelling. Bravo. Scott McCloud would applaud.
I agree. There are a million ways this could be written into the story that would be insensitive or fall flat, but this socks you in the gut with real emotional impact.
…huh. Dark.
I am glad that this is receiving the gravity it deserves.
This is not a gimmick. This is not being played lightly or cheaply.
This is a real wound that was left in these lives, fictional though they are, and I am thankful that it is being acknowledged.
Oh. Oh damn. Poor Becky. No child should go through that.
So that’s why “the devil took her.” Suicide is a sin. You go to hell if you kill yourself, or at least, that’s what some christians believe.
You’d probably not be surprised how many of them think mental illness itself is the person in question not having enough faith/praying hard enough. The Christians of Joyce’s family’s ilk were the ones who convinced my mother she should take me off my meds and instead force me into their youth groups. Fun times.
Yeah, there’s a lot of things that could have pushed Bonnie’s pain over her coping strategies here and the likely complete lack of real support definitely wouldn’t help on the Coping Strategies end of the balance.
I mean, when mental illness is just “weakness in one’s faith”, when suffering awful things from one’s husband is “wifely duties”, when speaking up about suffering or feelings is “doubting God’s plan”…
It can be real easy to feel alone and helpless.
I doubt Ross beat or raped his wife, it just doesn’t seem lile his flavour of awful. My theory is that he pressured her (along shit the rest of the community) to hide her issues (mental illness? depression?) and refused to help her even if she cried for help.
I don’t have any evidence of this of course, at this point both are theories
We’ve yet to see any evidence that Ross was physically violent toward his wife, but we also have yet to see any evidence that he wasn’t, and we’ve seen plenty of evidence that he is willing to be violent toward people. Beating his wife seems pretty plausible, IMO.
This. He punched his daughter on-screen, he punched her girlfriend on-screen, he threatened his daughter and her best friend with a gun and was definitely willing to shoot some kids to get his way.
And we know that he takes every moment of potential powerlessness super personally and a personal attack on his faith and his ability to perform his masculine role.
In our world that suite of behaviors, plus being raised in an environment where he had every right to expect from his wife a list of often contradictory submissive behaviors to him, would make it very likely and very supported for him to hit her “to bring her back into line” or otherwise emotionally abuse her.
As far as rape, he’s never used sexual violence as a tool to control, but he has been shown on panel to be the type of person who views his wife and child as accessories to his performance of godliness. And that good tools fulfill their “correct” roles or receive punishments.
He is also from a sect that believes that martial rape is an impossibility because “a goodly wife submits to her husband as her husband would submit to Christ” and “obey his every command” and is her husband’s vessel to fill in order to “be fruitful and multiply” and keep him from being tempted unto the path of sin.
Given those two aspects, the chances he has committed sexual violence, even if only in the form of taking advantage of an atmosphere where it seemed unsafe for Bonnie to voice a “no”, is also pretty high.
It’d be nice if that wasn’t the case, but given that household and what we’ve seen of Toedad…
I seem to recall it said that she actually died of cancer. Very likely she was in agony in every sense of the word.
Googly eyed cat: http://geekologie.com/2016/02/like-a-tribble-with-eyes-gimo-the-big-ey.php
ohnoes. That…. that’s really really bad. But they weren’t the type that would try to pray appendicitis away right? No real person is that horrible?
Treating serious mental illness like it’s less real or deadly than appendicitis is just as horrible.
That actually happened
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2205306/Russel-Brandi-Bellew-Faith-healer-parents-avoid-jail-Austin-Sprout-16-dies.html
And remember how Joyce was talking about Billie when Walky was worried about her being depressed? (Way back in 2014 or so, so I don’t blame you if not) Joyce was definitely raised by the “pray it away, God has sent this as a struggle for you to overcome (and so you MUST)” variety, meaning Bonnie was almost certainly bombarded with that message as well if she ever talked about it openly with anyone. And I kind of doubt she would’ve been permitted to.
“Satan did this” is the only excuse left when there is no logical chain of events or despair leading up to depression or suicide. This was a senseless death. It happened for no reason. Everything was fine, nothing was ruined, and it happened anyway. And as we all know, nobody ever killed themselves when they had nothing to be sad about, right? “Why, that means it MUST have been Satan!”, they say. “It had to be! Brain problems are just things people make up to absolve themselves of responsibility, just like being a lesbian!”
If anything can be blamed for this, it’s ignorance that it was even possible to feel suicidal when life is good.
And the sickest part is that we know because we’ve seen it in comic that Toedad took this family tragedy and took it personally. His wife killed herself because of him. No, not because of all the horrible things he did to her or how the system they are in does nothing to aid the mentally ill in any real tangible way other than exploiting their sadness for zealotry and donations.
But because he didn’t double down enough. Because his wife’s illness and struggle couldn’t be about her and her pain, but about his strength, about his faith, about God testing him. Just like his daughter’s sexuality was all about him.
Blame it all on Satan, erase the person from the tragedy. Make it a passion play for the survivors instead.
I have a friend who’s been researching the New England response to the major tuberculosis epidemic around the turn of the eighteenth century (it’s vampires, no, really), and he recently found this poem by a minister whose son died.
It’s heartbreaking partly because the guy is desperate with grief, asking God why his son died, and largely because he basically concludes, “You had to take him to test me? But he was such a sweet kid! I need to step up my game and get more devout.”
Willis really doesn’t make this shit up.
He really doesn’t. And it’s in the poisonous groundwater of our nation and our national mythologies at this point, so that even secular folks will break out the “your identity/tragedy is really about causing me direct distress and pain and testing my faith” thinking from time to time.
Becky, Faye Whitaker says hi.
(I didn’t see this coming, whoa)
Ouch.
Nice touch with the avatar.
Some cross over fanart of them comforting each other would be pretty awesome.
If they knew each other and Faye ever got to meet ToeDad he would wish he could get a rematch with Joyce instead.
Faye’s dad is alive in the Dumbiverse.
For now.
I mean, yeah, the time frame is a little ambiguous, but I was under the impression the whole thing happened in that summer.
I’ve been a fan of both comics for years and have never made this connection. I’m disappointed in myself.
That strip is from Freshman Family Weekend, and so I infer from the presence of Faye’s family that she’s a freshman. So the summer between her sophomore and junior years is the better part of two years down the road, comic time, which is about a century our time.
If tragic backstory repeats itself, only the kitten will be around to witness it.
oof.
*plays Bad Company’s “Shooting Star” on the hacked Muzak*
*switches to Asleep by the Smiths*
(initiate=ignore: (feels))
I like how Becky is one of those people whose default arm position is behind the hips, not in front or alongside.
I don’t know my own default position myself. Whenever I think to check, I’m not in it anymore
What I can’t tell is if it was Becky or Joyce that attempted suicide… I’m gonna venture a guess that it was Joyce? Or maybe it was Becky’s mom… omg the deepness of this is too real!!!
I’m pretty sure the person who attempted suicide was Bonnie.
It was Becky’s mom.
It was Becky’s mom, Bonnie.
I’m pretty sure that’s Becky’s mom in the last panel with the pills. You can see the differences in the hair and the one standing up in the last panel looks like Becky.
It’s not a toe so…
Just judging on how the other panels feature Becky and her mom, and how Toedad said “the devil took {Becky’s mom}”, which is how many Christians view suicide, I’d say it’s Becky’s mom.
Becky’s mom. I would imagine we’d already have had some hints if Joyce had ever tried to kill herself.
Thank you! That helps a lot. I was kind of unsure there. Becky’s mom being the one there makes sense. I can relate to Becky in 2 ways here too… not gonna get into it though. I’m pretty sure you guys can piece it together, you’re all super smart.
Since the other panels are all Becky and her mum, I would guess it’s her mum on the bed?
Becky’s mom has glasses and *lots* of hair. (It may look like a telephone cord behind her back.) The last panel figure has neither, so is presumably Becky, so her mother is on the bed.
I would just like the immortal kitten. I don’t want the sad.
Damn
Poor Becky. Poor Becky’s mom.
Poor readers who thought they’d get a laugh tonight.
Maybe It’s Walky! is more pleasant today…well, crap.
Dead parents for everyone!
I’m sorry. I’ll go now.
Poor readers who thought they’d get a laugh tonight.
Honestly, I thought the only way that would happen would be with an abrupt switch to another storyline.
Next Comic, Flashback:
the kittens already dead.
Oh well shit. I’m beyond the point of tears and sadness. Thank you for the hotline David. I’ll make sure it makes the rounds in my area.
Many, many, unfathomably many years from now, when the stars have grown cold and mankind is no longer even a memory, a kitten floats alone through the pitiless void of space.
KILLLL MEEEEE
The trigger warning + darker text thing was really kind and clever!
That kitten was already dead when you posted this, wasn’t it? You monster…
You have to open the box to know if the kitten is dead or not.
And if you open the box and the kitten is dead, YOU killed it.
That warning seemed a bit excessive, honestly. In another strip, sure, but we’ve had Mary, Ryan, Freshman Family Weekend, and Toedad all with no warnings. Wouldn’t a banner at the start or the top of the strip have been enough, rather than this massive one?
I think it’s because those were less unexpected? The surrounding strips were mostly enough to figure out if you should stop reading before it got too bad if you couldn’t handle the content.
Toedad pulling out a revolver was kind of unexpected. But a good unexpected.
As with the issue at hand, it gets to the point where you could put a trigger warning on anything and everything. It’s up to Willis to decide which topic at hand needs one or not.
I still think the comic about a guy pulling a GUN should have gotten a TRIGGER warning.
No? Yeah, I didn’t think so either, I’ll show myself out.
Well if you didn’t want to see the gun actually being used against someone one could stop reading then. It was obvious things were going to end terribly and violently.
I can see why he did it, which is because this was out of the blue. Also, this strip is dark at a level the comic has never gotten close to.
Personally, suicide is a very tough subject for me… but I’m personally not convinced trigger warnings are a good thing.
Probably to help prevent someone seeing the content before seeing the warning.
The warning was for something visual, not textual. A banner wouldn’t move it far enough down the page. You could catch it by accident.
As for excessive, all those other events had a day or two of strips that got you ready for what’s coming. This is pretty much out of nowhere.
Yeah, Ross took out the gun several strips before it was pointed AT anyone, Ryan had several Creeper Cues before the drug set in, but here there’s no leadup whatsoever to that final panel. You could brace yourself days in advance before we hit the fountain, or decide to stop reading and wait a few weeks so you wouldn’t have to wait for the resolution. (And Mary is awful, but while she generally sets people off it tends to be a lower-key constant exhausting bigotry rather than the all-at-once wham that tends to come with assault and, well, attempted suicide.)
Also, in my personal experience, when you’re in even a vaguely suicidal mindframe it can take very very little to go from a general depressed “why am I even alive” to things like “I wish that car hit me” or “I should just kill myself right now”. Seeing someone actively trying… that could do it, depending on your headspace.
Thank you for putting it into words.
I try. And if you’ve been in that headspace, or are in it right now, I offer you internet hugs and reassurances that your pain is valid and sucks monumentally and is ultimately survivable.
i imagine that the scene pictured here would, for anyone who’s lived through that scenario, be one of the worst to make a person relive. that he took those precautions shows a great deal of respect for the potential power of the situation and the emotions of the readers, especially one with such a trauma.
Abusers, bigots, and rapists aren’t really comparable to a child walking in on their mother’s attempt at suicide. So far, all but one of them have received some kind of punishment for their acts.
There is no justice to be had in a situation where a mother felt so hopeless in her situation that death was the only escape and her child walking in to see not only that her mother was in darkness that deep, but that her mother was hurting so much that she didn’t even feel she could stay to try to protect her child from the same pain.
And like Ross said, there was a build to the awful that came from the abusers, bigots, and rapists, which if those story lines were content that would trigger you, you would see the signs before it happened. This came from literally nowhere. There were no hints that Bonnie tried to kill herself.
All I can say is that the massive black block/spoiler utterly killed the impact of the comic for me. I literally have no emotional reaction seeing the images now, since they’re so completely overshadowed by the giant black block above (and below) it, and since I was told what would happen. Heck, I almost had a hard time picking out the low-contrast ghost outlines with all the high-contrast distractions around it.
But oh well. If the point was to blunt any potential trauma triggers in people, I imagine it was effective. It was certainly blunted to me.
Sadly, I agree. I appreciate it when comics that explicitly have adult themes and intended audiences respect said audiences’ maturity and let the art happen rather than obliterating that fourth wall and directly reveal upcoming content. If we sterilize it, the human message is lessened. I realize that I could skip the spoiler, but it’s part of the comic, and I care about how the message is delivered and not just what it is.
See, I tried to skip the spoiler and still saw it because I’ve got a good screen and read instinctively. Then the kitten killed any emotional attachment that remained because it was so bad. I’m not saying no warning, since this can definitely be rough on people, but something a lot less overbearing could have still gotten the message across without leeching out all the impact the way this did.
I think it was worth having the trigger warning. That is the entire purpose of a trigger warning. Adults have triggers too, and seeing suicidal people can remind them of their own past attempts, or shove the idea directly into a depressed persons face.
What you say about sterilization doesn’t make sense. The message is still right there, and you can scim the top text and ignore the tw and read the strip right away. That’s what I did.
(The main emotional impact, for me, is beckys reaction in the flash back. Mirroring my own. The pain has gone numb. )
Yeah, I found the warning helpful and the kitten a “I’m not apologizing because people do go through this, but in case you need it, here’s a resource” sort of thing like the hotline under the strip. Hell, just close your eyes and scroll down, then up again if you’re that set on reading the strip completely unmarred by previous expectations.
I was like Viktoria; I tried to scroll quickly past the spoiler, but my eyes picked it up and read it anyway. (I don’t really think scrolling shenanigans would have helped, and in any case it’s too late now.)
It’s clear that Willis presented this comic as he did because he was concerned about triggering adverse emotional reactions in certain emotionally sensitive people, and that’s not really something I can be critical of. But he he wanted me to give the faintest crap about Becky’s plight, maybe he should have overkilled the warning and kittens a teeny bit less, is all I’m saying.
I suppose I should add that the kitten is probably what really killed it for me – to me, with it being much brighter than the comic itself, and the last thing in the “comic area” – to me that’s the end and focus of the strip. A big kitten. Suicide? Nope, this is a kitten strip. Nothing more.
Yeah, I saw, in order: warning, spoiler, kitten…my eyes eventually located the first two panels of the strip, and then eventually found the three dimmer panels that followed. And kept jumping right down to the kitten. The human brain is weird sometimes.
As someone who lived this, I’m really glad that Willis valued my mental health more than your entitlement to emotional shock value. 😡 kisses
Let’s see:
Everyone knew Mary was the kind of the person to pull that sort of stunt.
Ryan’s actual attempt was broadcast long before it actually happened.
There was an entire other universe dedicated to the jackhole that was Blaine.
And while Ross pulling the Gun wasn’t as broadcast as the rest of his stunt, the readership more than made up for it.
There was none of that here. As far as I know, we all just assumed it was cancer until Willis explicitly said otherwise. And we still don’t know if this is what killed her as the trigger warning says “attempted suicide”.
We’ve never quite reached the level of actual on-screen death before (yeah, this is a flashback, but it’s still visible). We definitely haven’t reached the level of actual on-screen suicide.
All the others were triggers, yeah. Triggers can be incredibly painful and bring on flashbacks or extreme emotional, sometimes physical responses.
A trigger, unexpected, to someone who’s suicidal, might push them to self-harm or worse. I think this was incredibly considerate of him.
The final statement is a lie.
I saw Kitty Roadkill in front of my high school once how dare you tell me such a blatant fib Willis.
I was prepared for one kind of horror/sadness and instead got hit with another. Well done, Willis. Damn you, but well done.
I am holding you to that kitten promise.
dude even the kitten looks upset at this turn
Immortal Kitten feels sorry for Becky.
Well. This explains an unfortunate amount.
Also, goddamn you Willis, and your portrayal of villains as having actual trauma that drives their actions. Next we’ll find out Blaine’s parent’s abandoned him after being robbed and losing all their savings.
To misquote Brooklyn 99,”Cool motive. Still kidnapping.” Toedad’s an adult, if he was suffering there are counselors(even Christian-specialized ones) he could have gone to. Instead, he dialed his issues up to 11 and took them out on his daughter. This is a nice explanation, but it’s definitely not a justification for anything he has ever said or done on-panel.
Willis – that was thoughtful of you
):
thank you for the warning
The world needs more immortal kittens.
Well, what are the chances that Ross suppressed leaking of Bonnie’s attempt out to the neighbours? Possibly even threatened Becky not to tell anyone about their suddenly imperfect living situation?
I’m sure he came up with some excuse for why the paramedics showed up. “Oh, she had an allergic reaction to some cleaning products. We’ll know better next time not to buy that brand.”
Didn’t Becky’s mom died from cancer?
That’s what Toedad told everyone at least. Maybe it’s even true.
Or I’m wrong.
That was Dana’s mom, AKA Sarah’s freshman year roommate. Becky’s mom’s cause of death has been deliberately vague (to the point we weren’t even certain if she was dead or had left the family) up until this exact point, but some were speculating cancer.
It’s still not clear as Willis’s trigger warning says ATTEMPTED SUICIDE, which in some ways is worse, as I can’t imagine Toedad’s reaction was reasonable or helpful at all.
Dana’s mother died from cancer. Becky’s mother died; we were never given a cause to my knowledge, but the wires got crossed in the comments and it became essentially fanon I think?
(Though according to the trigger warning this is only an attempt so it’s possible she could have died of another cause?)
Yeah, that makes sense. The attempt language is also confusing to me because I usually see that before uncompleted suicide attempts, but this seems to be implying that this might have actually been how Bonnie killed herself.
If so, oof, Becky being the first to find the body, with Toedad as her main support? Yeeks!
My first guess with the “attempt” and the “part of our story” stuff yesterday is that this one wasn’t completed, but that it also wasn’t the only attempt Bonnie made, just the one Becky found in time to intervene on. (I somehow doubt Toedad and the local attitude towards mental health meant Bonnie got the kind of help she’d need if she survived this attempt. And if so, that just makes it all the more likely she would try again with another method.)
Yeah, especially since pills are slow and thus make it easier for folks to intervene, especially if they live in the same house… Guns are much faster (which is why I refuse to ever even spend the night in a house with a gun)…
OH holy mother of Bob…
Yeah, my brain went to that midway through too and if that is the case…
“Dad, why would you bring that.” and “Put it down for Mom’s sake” are now five hundred times worse, at least.
Ah shit, I didn’t even think about that line. Oh fuck…
I’m starting to get really convinced that that’s the “completed” version of this “attempt”.
Woah, that would make so much sense, plus it’d mean that Becky faced losing both parents to gun-suicides (her mom, if that’s how Bonnie ultimately completed suicide, and her dad, had he been shot by the cops, which is what Becky was predicting at the time). Here’s hoping Becky didn’t witness her mom actually pulling the trigger; finding her possible-corpse is horrific enough, thank you.
Yeah I had already been doing the tag trawl just to see if Toedad had ever mentioned a detail about her passing (which, nope, in addition to the “Satan took her” line the only other one is when he meets Dina the Sunday before: “Since her mother passed last year, she has had no female role model,”) and remembered Becky’s reaction to the gun and wanted to check it.
It just… literally everything Toedad has ever said or done is taking on new levels of awful for me now just from the context of “Bonnie attempted,” if it is in fact “Bonnie completed” and in that specific manner then there are not enough hugs in the world for Becky.
Oh… Oh. OH.
It could even be both — for example, some patients attempt suicide when they’re going to die of a terminal illness anyway.
Second trigger warning says “attempted suicide.” So I suspect she did not… succeed? I’m not sure if that’s the right word here.
It may or may not be related to her cancer diagnosis (if Toedad isn’t full of shit).
That said, even if Toedad is lying, the last panel shows that Becky knew her Mom had at least attempted suicide. And I don’t think Becky would be able to lie about that, and she’s never contradicted the cancer explanation, to my knowledge (although she may not have been present when it came up; I don’t honestly remember).
People use ‘succeed’ at suicide, but it’s weird, as you’ve noticed.
The preferred pro term I hear these days is ‘completed’ suicide.
Succeed I think is the right way to talk about it. Her attempt did not succeed.
The only phrases I’ve ever seen in use, though are committed suicide and killed himself/herself. I understand why some people are concerned about the language, but we also use the word “commit” in some very positive ways. (Committing to love someone forever. They are committed to an ideal.)
ISTR that Willis has said that no one dies in DoA, so presumably we’re not being shown her actual death on-screen.
True, but there’s also that ‘no one dies in this comic’ – that’s present-tense, for example Ruth’s parents already died before start of comic, and so did Becky’s mom strictly speaking. We probably won’t see it on-screen either, but still.
I think that just means that none of the currently living characters are going to die, not that none of the already dead characters can be shown dying in flashbacks.
The hotline info showed up before the comic loaded for me, so it dawned on me why it was there before the warning even showed up. I am glad the kitten was at the end though, it helps keep the tears at bay.
Sorry to fan the flames here, but if I were married to Toe Dad, I’d probably do the same thing! Sad nevertheless.
Come on, man. I know you’re trying to lighten the mood, but no.
There’s a lot inherent in the structure of the relationship and the type of man Toedad was to add weight to the pain side of the balance. Lack of power, feminine mystique (in the Friedman sense of deep depression caused by being a possession whose work has no material value), potential marital rape, potential domestic abuse, knowing her daughter would be trapped in the same lack of options as her, lack of community or familial support for mental health issues, needing to perform the happy mother every day, maybe even being a lesbian herself…
And the thing is that just like Becky, we may never know the full extent of her reasons. Just that she was unhappy and in this moment believed strongly that she couldn’t take it anymore. That in that moment, she didn’t have someone to intervene early on. Maybe in this moment, Becky found her in time (pills take a LOOOOOOONG time to kill a person), maybe she even held on for a few more years before another illness or another attempt ended her story.
And that’s tragic.
Bonding over butter
been there. tried that. started to get better.
tried again. actually doing better.
*hugs*
Ditto… with a few more iterations, unfortunately. Now it’s been over a year since my last attempt, which is a massive massive improvement. Think I’ve finally closed that particular chapter of my life.
Congrats and fist-bumps to you both on surviving; I’m glad you made it here.
I know you mean well but i honestly am a bit wary of anyone who says that without knowing me.
If it makes you feel better, I’m glad that any survivor of suicidal ideation is still alive, no matter what, because I’m a spiteful bongo.
And I really hate it when that fucking awful disease takes another life and so am deeply appreciative for all those who clawed through that hell and out to the other side. That you are here, still breathing?
It’s a genuine victory. And I’m happy and glad you have. And I hope you continue winning against that complete fuck Suicidal Ideation.
did you actually use the word bongo or did it do the auto censor of a female dog?
It autocensors. There was a really bad threadsplosion a bit back that necessitated it.
Point taken, and fair ’nuff.
I’m sorry I responded in such a way that made you feel wary. I did indeed mean it genuinely. (I’m glad when anyone makes it past suicide, even when I don’t know them personally.)
Is there a better way that I-or-others can respond, for next time?
The first and last attempt I made was stopped when my dad talked me into the car from the bus stop. Had I got on the bus, I would’ve jumped off a bridge into a freeway.
Hugs indeed. Never actually tried myself, but it took me over half a year-nine months at least before I felt like I could trust myself at crosswalks after a car raced by me at one and I realized I wouldn’t have minded if it had hit me.
Haven’t had thoughts like that for over a year now though, I think, and actively feeling pretty good for the last couple months. Good news, I’m pretty sure there actually is a genuine better to get to in the end.
Hey, that’s rad! Here’s to your continued upswing and the skills you have gained.
Congrats and may those times fade to a distant memory.
Thanks, and same to you.
*hugs*
Well, that explains Toedad’s line about the devil taking her.
Poor, poor Becky.
🙁
You can click on the emoticon btw, didn’t realize it would turn from text to emote.
🙁
It’s not the attempted suicide which bothers me, so much as the implications of a mother attempting suicide despite having an underage daughter.
It wasn’t enough to keep her in this world.
See, that argument pisses me the fuck off. It’s basically “Yeah, your life sucks so much that you’d rather be dead, but other people might be hurt if you die so keep suffering until you cut them out of your life completely”. Not to mention how unfair it is to the friends/relatives of the person, who are now obligated to maintain the relationship to keep the person alive. It’s basically a really horrible thing to say to anyone who’s anywhere near suicide.
(Personal experience talking, fyi)
yes this. someone just shared this sentiment on my facebook (something like “the thing about suicide is that it doesn’t end the pain, it just transfers it to someone else”- no, fuck that and fuck you [notjaimehlers, but the quote writer].)
Then, it logically follows that her mental state was so unbearable that even her blazing motherly love was not enough to conquer it. It’s not that Bonnie was a weak mother, it’s that the disease and/or situation was just so horrible that it was even stronger than love.
Which can happen, when your brain is convincing you that you’re a hindrance to the people who love you and they’d be better off without you as a nuisance.
And if this was situational… auuuuugh, the kind of things this could have gotten to for Bonnie to find death preferable are just incredibly tragic.
That it is. That it is.
(WARNING, talking about thoughts I have had to end it all in the past)
Trust me, the idea of loved ones can make it even easier to do so- because you think they’re better off without you. Because you think you’re a fuck up, or worthless or any number of things. I know. And fundamentalist christianity or hell even just reading certain sections of the bible by yourself like I did can often call you worthless, a despicable sinner who should grovel on the ground and be thankful that ‘the Lord’ could even love a worthless worm like you when /he/ is so perfect.
Because you are filthy and wrong.
I was afraid my mere existence was dooming people to hell because of the christian interpretation of the story of Abraham and Issac. Preachers kept on saying god should come before everything and everyone. I had my doubts my parents would kill me if they had to so I thought I’d remove the choice for them. I thought myself a coward for bottling every time. I had this from age ten to basically 18 to contend with and yet oddly only the fear of hell for myself kept me from doing it. But I really know if I hadn’t finally stopped believing completely this wouldn’t have been enough. I’d have done it.
If people think of their loved ones it’s generally that they’ll be better off without them.
This is true
But don’t forget the other possibility, the flip scenario where you also would be glad at certain people’s suffering.
Not that you’re killing yourself *to* make your parents suffer, for example, but it’d be a helluva perk that your death would torment them and even maybe make them remorseful.
That was me for awhile.
(But then of course there’s folks like Toedouche who just dissociate themselves from the blame and put it on Satan anyways, just like they taught in church!)
The “suicide is selfish” arguement just makes depressed people feel worse. Trust me, I know this too well. If I’m in the Black Pit, being told I’m selfish to not ignore my pain, will only reinforce my feeling of worthlessness, and that the world would be a better place without me.
Damn. Warnings appreciated.
Excuse me, but I forgot to commend Willis on what has to be the cutest kitten picture of ALL TIME!
Plot Twist – The cat is already dead.
Anyway.
I was not expecting this tonight…
“Copyright 1968.” Hmm, determined or not, that cat must be long dead. That’s kind of a downer.
Damn. I wonder if Becky was allowed to receive some type of counseling to help her through this, or if Toedad would have been opposed to anything beyond talking to their pastor.
I’d bet anything it was their family secret and Becky wasn’t supposed to talk about it. Maybe to their pastor, tops, but certainly not to a doctor or therapist or person outside the community.
Hey, maybe even the same youth pastor who taught Joyce that depression is a Godportunity. Hooray.
Okay, see, let’s try writing it out:
“Ross McIntyre sent his daughter to a therapist, because he cared about her and knew that a specialist would-”
Nopenopenope out of the question.
Welp, let me just say: well done. This was handled very well, and given appropriate gravity.
Damn not wonder her dad went off the deap end anyone would me emotionally unstable after that…..but why she doesn’t it?
* why did she do it…. I’m starting to wonder why use Google voice command
holy shit that was a gut punch
For those who scrolled down and got triggered, this is my favorite emergency crisis intervention reading for suicidal ideation. It has quite literally saved my life on a few occasions:
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
The “pain exceeds coping methods” sentence summed it all up in a way I’d never thought of before but was exactly what I was feeling. Thanks, that’s a really useful way of thinking about it.
Yeah, and it’s really helped in my darkest moments, because the downside of DID is that when my depressive alter gets more of the floor, it can get really easy to believe that I’ve never felt joy and will be broken forever and all those lovely depression lies. So shifting more coping strategies or finding a way to process out one of my pain sources can usually help me dig out of a suicidal ideation with minimal damage.
same, i mean pretty much nothing works when i’m in that state, everything anyone tells me seems ridiculous, but this is the thing i’ve read that seems most reasonable to me when i get like that.
This makes me hate Ross even more. Rather than supporting your daughter through this incredibly difficult time, you turn on and disown her. It makes his desertion of her even more reprehensible. Poor Becky.
tears…
Becky :’|
Wow…poor Becky, poor Bonnie. :c I have a feeling we’re about to see the fun, wacky mask slip, which is probably overdue. Hope my baby’s okay.
I don’t see how it can survive this. But then again, Becky has wacky masked some pretty horrific things and is now walking into the room where Jocelyne and Joyce are and thus has an audience she’ll not want to collapse in front of.
I guess here we see just what limits exist for the wacky mask.
It may have come as a surprise to us, but none of this was a surprise to Becky. (At least, not in the moment of this comic.) She’s had… months? years? … to process this event. The fresh reminders might make her melancholy, and maybe even momentarily depressed. But we know for a fact that the wacky mask HAS endured in the wake of exactly this trauma.
Even the immortal kitten looks sad
Thanks for the warning, that was pretty dark, poor Becky.
Wow… Look, you just drained all the emotion and suspense out of the comic. I mean, I get it. I really do. Content warnings are important.
Someone may let their children read this comic and want to sit down and have a talk with them about this page. Someone may have attempted suicide themselves or lost someone they love to it. People need warnings on these things.
…but my god man, there were better ways to handle this stuff. Hell, you could have done with Rooster Teeth did and put out a blog post warning how heavy this gets. Hell you could have hidden the spoilers inside the white text so you don’t see it until you actually read it. bloob poobl. See that? You had no idea that this sentence paragraph contained those words. Leaving it there centred in the screen of course we’re all going to see it and you’re going to ruin the emotional impact of it.
Honestly, this whole thing was a let down. Your webcomic has plenty of uncomfortable content. Gun violence. Attempted rape. I don’t think it’s necessary for you to point out all these things in advance, but my god man if you’re going to do it at least find some way of doing it that doesn’t compromise the story itself.
I think a fair warning to those who need it is worth a slight spoiler.
If you’re going to ignore what someone wrote don’t bother replying to them. You’re just wasting everyone’s time. Including your own.
Says the guy who ignored the text block Willis wrote that details exactly how to avoid the “spoiler,” and then replied to him.
Fucking, exactly. Complete self-absorption sure skews any reading comprehension.
Speak for yourself. That was not the suicide attempt I was expecting.
That may be your experience, but the trigger warnings didn’t detract from it at all for me. So it’s not going to do the same thing for everyone.
And if it keeps someone from having a really bad night, or worse, it’s worth losing some of the build-up.
Yeah, he went out of his way to give a warning and not spoil people, it was about the best balance you could hope for.
I’m totally inured to attempted suicides in fiction, and I still thought it was sweet and thoughtful of Willis to put the warning in there, just in case somebody is legit sensitive to it right now.
A darker text, or something that you had to highlight, might’ve been preferable, but whatever, it didn’t detract from the comic for me. I just saw the impact before the first panel instead of in the last panel; I didn’t feel spoiled to get the twist less than two seconds early.
Patreon users got to dive right in without warning…
I think this method is superior.
And as many people have commented, the gesture was massively appreciated by a large number of people.
Overall, a content warning gives a head’s up. The small amount a work may be diminished for you does not compare to how diving in cold to something triggering like this can ruin an entire evening in unable to focus awfulness.
Things like this allow the full audience to actually participate in the medium, because they can prepare themselves for it. That is a good thing.
Good to know I should sign up for the Patreon to get the real comic with the full emotional impact. These are fictional comic characters. I’ve read much, much worse throughout the annals of Vertigo.
No shit you have. But you haven’t lived it.
And that’s why there’s a trigger warning.
Ugh, save me from “edgy” 90s kids who think “Press 1 for English” style appellations is somehow “robbing them of the full emotional impact of things”.
Fuck, you’re all reading these comics in a webpage covered in ads, not presented on an ornate obsidian column. The “full emotional impact” was always going to be “dulled” by reminders that this is a story on a webpage and later a story in a comic book with physical pages to tie us to the real. Adding one other thing to keep it from completely ruining someone’s day is not “dulling the full emotional impact” any more than not punching someone in the face “dulls the experience of their morning commute”.
I mean, I think I’ve been spoiled by just seeing the final panel from the corner of my eye, but I’m not gonna ask him to like post one panel at a time. He actually did a good job of trying to not spoil people.
The Gun Violence was predicted by the readership long before it actually happened.
The Attempted Rape was foreshadowed in the strip long before it actually happened.
The Attempted Suicide? Not so much. Everyone though Bonnie died of cancer until Willis explicitly denied it, then we though she just ran off, despite Willis saying she was, and I quote, “fertilizer”.
A trigger warning may have helped in the last two cases, but it was hardly necessary, as we were not caught off our guards nearly so much as here.
And at least some of the Patreon readers probably insisted on the trigger warning for exactly these reasons.
I did not read past the first two panels based on the warning, then gleaned the overview from the comments.
Fuck you.
This situation actually fucking happened to me. I lived this, you asshole. And reading the brunt of this comic would have fucking wrecked me.
TOO FUCKING BAD IF YOU DO NOT LIKE THE STYLE OF THE WARNING.
GO READ OTHER SHIT THEN, MAYBE SOMETHING FOR INSENSITIVE ASSHOLES LIKE YOURSELF.
WHO ARE MORE CONCERNED WITH HOW SURPRISING A COMIC IS FOR THEM, THAN HOW TRAUMATIC IT CAN BE FOR OTHERS.
Fuck you.
@Author – Thank you so much for preventing me from reading the whole comic, in the precise way you did which made sure I understood what I was getting into if I decided to read.
*appropriate gesture of support that can turn into a really tight hug if that is what that looks like for you*
I’m so sorry for what you went through and I’m glad you are taking care of your mental health. And I’m really sorry for insensitive assholes who care more about presenting a pose of detached desensitization than being respectful of other people’s traumas.
that it helped just one person makes it completely worth it.
and i’m so sorry for what you’ve been through <3
Internet comfort and support thoroughly seconded, and seriously fuck all these jerks who don’t understand what being triggered is like and why being considerate to the people who need it is more important than their asshole sense of “surprise” and “impact”.
I wonder what they even think it is. Cause in reality its losing a day or two to intense emotional distress and being a crying shaking mess afterwards. It’s walking nightmares and not being able to sleep and panic attacks. It’s clawing at your skin just to make it hurt and getting back to that stage where you start planning an early exit again.
It’s unmitigated hell, not some fanciful walk in the park. Not something “we’re making up for attention”. It’s a day that’s now ruined because some stray piece of bullshit called up all the demons of some awful unbearable day.
It’s biting and scratching yourself in the hopes someone, ANYONE, notices that you’re not okay. It’s going home straight to your bed and just wanting to sleep so you don’t have to be conscious any longer, and waking up still feeling like shit assuming you even got to sleep and not just feeling miserable and trying to cry. It’s spending a day after a pop culture thing handled badly sets you off going back over and over again to the people you know talk about that thing because you can’t be the only one feeling this, right, there has to be someone ELSE who understands why this narrative hurts. It’s not trusting yourself to walk across the street and, when you have to to get to food or class, not giving yourself even the slightest bit of leeway from the crosswalk and the walk signal even if the street’s clear because if you bend the rules while you’re mostly well you might bend them more when you’re not. It’s spending hours trying to force your brain to just NOT fixate on this and failing because the pathways and chemicals are things you can’t control, and then feeling like shit because you can’t and feeling like even more shit that you can’t control things like all the rest of these people say they can.
It’s exhausting and endless and it can eat you alive if it catches you unaware.
I think part of the problem is that a lot of people have misused the word trigger and applied it to “this thing that makes me uncomfortable” instead of a genuine trigger. So people who don’t have any experience with what a REAL trigger is see people using it for trivial things, and assume that triggers are not that serious.
The genuine meaning of the word has been watered down, to everyone’s detriment.
<3 A
Rainbows. Puppies. Dammit. Fine. Kittens. Nope. Still really sad.
So this is what happened 🙁
You know, I thought what’s going on in the re-runs is even darker than this. Man, you really can be such a dick to your characters!
The kitten will live to see each and every one of its friends grow old and die.
Apologies for ruining that for everyone too.
I saw a documentary on this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Jtpf8N5IDE
You’re a bit late to that particular party, nobody.
The kitten really didn’t help much. 🙁
Willis. Mate. I have never commented on here before but I had to this time. Fuck. That was unexpected and gut wrenching, but definitely done with appropriate gravity. Thank you
Its a good thing I’ve read Questionable Content. Ever so slightly desensitized
Yikes! 🙁
At least the kitten cheered me up after that awful Warrior game.
I’m in full support of the warning before the comic, but I think the kitten was a bit much. Kinda muddies the impact.
Agreed. It… it makes the trigger warning feel like it goes from “understandable” to “I’m making fun of trigger warnings.”
Also: My opinion doesn’t mean I don’t think the warning wasn’t necessary or valid.
Personally I saw it as a resource like the hotline number under the comic. Sometimes you need to take a breather and look at the baby animal and the lighthearted joke before diving into a discussion about this sort of thing.
I think it would have been better if cute pictures were linked with the other resources, then. Because yes, sometimes cute animals do help. But sometimes you just need a moment to feel sad in peace, and cute animal pictures won’t help you then.
The trigger warning got me more than the actual content of the strip.
Hm… k, so I’mma go be sad over in that corner over there… Feel free to join me…
bleh. thanks for the warnings and kitty. gon go cuddle with husband and decide whether I’ll vent relateably when I can’t sleep later
I thought this was gonna end with some ironic revelation about Toedad
I was mistaken
eh
Coping mechanism – notice odd details around the thing that bothers me, rather than focus on the thing itself. (By way of explanation, so people don’t think I’m heartless or something)
Did Becky’s parents have separate bedrooms? Because she already left her old room, Joyce & Jocelyne are in Toedad’s room, but it looks like Bonnie is on a bed in yet another bedroom.
Separate bedrooms says a lot about the quality of a marriage, over and above the dominant God-freak husband thing.
Small wonder she was so depressed that even her daughter wasn’t enough to keep her here.
Poor Bonnie. Poor Becky. 🙁
Could just be a guest bedroom. I think yesterday it was mentioned that there was a third bedroom the kids weren’t allowed into. I think 2-bedroom houses are pretty rare, so good odds their house has an extra bedroom.
Maybe Becky’s now joining them in her dad’s bedroom? She did say it was the only other room with a bed in it.
Becky said when they landed in the other room that there was one other room with a bed in it and that was Toedad’s room. Seeing as how she’s now standing in front of a bed and it’s likely not her own, that means she’s standing outside what was until very recently Toedad’s room and was both parent’s room before that.
It also means she’s standing in the doorway of where Jocelyne and Joyce are. So she’s not going to want to let herself collapse no matter how painful and destructive this ghost of a memory is.
And I’m starting to think that burying method was carefully taught. That wacky to hide the pain was her mother’s method as well and why they are cracking up laughing about toast.
The Js have left Toedad’s room already. You can see exercise equipment behind Joyce in the first panel, which means they’re in the “other bedroom” that was talked about yesterday.
Toedad’s room is the other bedroom:
http://www.dumbingofage.com/2016/comic/book-6/03-when-god-closes-the-door/documents/
It’s a bit confusing because Joyce says “the other bedroom”, but she’s meaning the other bedroom in contrast to Becky’s bedroom, not Toedad’s. It looks like there’s two bedrooms, a living room, and kitchen (and probably at least one bathroom somewhere) in the house.
So the Js are likely directly in front of her on the other side of the room, over by Toedad’s exercise equipment.
A bed, exercise equipment, a desk, AND a dresser? That’s a crowded bedroom…
Nah, you might be right tho. I’m having trouble parsing the dialog cause I’m instinctively comparing the layout to my own three-bedroom house. Either way, we’ll find out tomorrow.
Separate bedrooms says a lot about the quality of a marriage, over and above the dominant God-freak husband thing.
Not necessarily. Some people sleep apart from their spouses simply because they have different sleep needs. One is an extreme night owl and the other a serious morning person, perhaps, or one needs a light on and some music while the other needs darkness and silence. Or maybe one is simply an extremely restless sleeper.
So long as they’re there for each other emotionally and both sides are having their sexual needs met, their relationship can be fine even if they don’t share a bed for sleeping in.
So wait, does this mean Bonnie’s death was a suicide or was it her first time attempting suicide?
Either way, pretty sad stuff…
Perfect avatar is perfect.
I don’t understand. Attempted? So she didn’t die in that memory?
I don’t usually comment, but I feel like I need to acknowledge the weight behind today’s strip. You handled it really well, Willis, both with the strip and with including the hotline in the description. For any other teens that read this strip besides me that aren’t comfortable talking with adults/talking on the phone at all but still need to talk to someone, look up Oregon Youthline. All of our volunteers are teens, our hours are 4-10 PM PST, and we’re here to support you.
That’s… that’s…
Becky has carried that with her through this entire arc. When she ran away from her dad, when she spent a day building up to coming out to Joyce and ultimately was rejected, when ToeDad showed up AGAIN and hunted her with a gun, when he said that she had destroyed the family…
GAH “You have destroyed our family” GAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Did she even tell Joyce?????? Did she carry it all inside her all this time…
OK, that’s it. EVERYONE hug Becky now.
Becky needs hugs. And counseling.
And possibly a good mom figure. I nominate Leslie.
Jocelyne is campaigning for big sis, but she’s definitely hitting some Big Sis raising the younger kids in times of crisis beats right now.
Yeah, it makes that line calculated to wound. “You destroyed our family”, carried in this context is a brutal sword of accusation to begin with, but now… it’s a means of pinning even her mom’s suicide or suicide attempts on her. A means of trying to argue that Satan’s pursual of her destroyed this “happy union” even then.
And Joyce seems to not really have much association with things on that front, so it’s also likely that Becky didn’t even tell Joyce this happened…
And now I’m reminded of my ex’s family who were abusive and fond of telling each other that telling outside people of family business was the greatest sin of all. It’s too likely that Toedad encouraged her to keep quiet about “their dark little secret” so that none of his Church buddies would think his faith “wasn’t pure enough” to push away Satan in this instance.
And thus Becky with no one to talk to while processing this. But needing to smile and be wacky and act as if nothing was wrong…
I’d almost guarantee you Toedad told her not to tell anyone and covered up the cause of death if she completed it. And if Bonnie did survive this attempt, how much do you want to bet Becky wasn’t allowed to say anything beyond MAYBE “my mom’s in the hospital, but don’t worry she’ll be okay it’s nothing serious” or the like?
Gauran-fucking-teed.
I’m beginning to think that crack about “Hey everyone, I’m a lesbian with a girlfriend” was a last ditch, semi-subconscious effort to not go inside. Well, second to last. The mention of chipmunks would be the last.
Yeah, she knows she has to do this, but this is literal emotional torture for her to be here back in this house so soon to everything that went down. I wouldn’t blame her for getting a few moments of cold feet along the way and wanting an excuse for the mission to fail so that she wouldn’t have to relive moments like this.
And it really shows the cost of Becky continuously pushing herself far past her own boundaries of self-care. She’s not actually made of rock. She’s not actually unbreakable and she needs to start being more mindful of her mental health if she’s going to get through this big scary process of rebuilding a life.
It just… every word Toedad said, from “She hasn’t had a female role model in her life and the void has been occupied by the evil one whispering vile desires” to all those references of “I will keep you safe! I will protect my household! I will die before I let Satan take you from me!” takes on new levels of awful, awful awful significance. The fact that Toedad explicitly said, to her face, almost certainly KNOWING she either found Bonnie’s body or intervened before the attempt was completed, that he was willing to die if she didn’t come with him and stop him from doing so. The fact that his solution was to bring her back to the household that he knew full well wasn’t an impenetrable stronghold of his will and safety where his family could never do something he didn’t approve of. And “If I slow down, you’ll try to jump out of the car” is its own new kind of “holy shit does he maybe think”, too.
Also: “You have a cell phone? You defy me” just says to me Bonnie was probably as isolated too.* So no chance of calling a hotline or something herself, no chance of looking for help, the only chance she would have to reach out is to a pastor (who would say “pray harder”) or her husband (who I’m pretty damn sure was at least a contributing factor in this) to let her go to therapy or the like. No wonder she felt so hopeless this looked like the best way out.
* (Evidence, for those who will demand it and think I’m just extrapolating: The Abusive Shit I Share Genes With, who is very much a Blaine-Toedad type. My mom’s youngest half-sister is around my age and wasn’t permitted a Facebook page going into college, and my mom once had to buy his wife a prepaid cell phone while he was in the hospital so she had some way of keeping other family members in contact about the situation. My mom was the one buying it because he was the one who handled the money in the household. Ross is not a straw man or a cartoonish supervillain; Willis is not exaggerating; PEOPLE LIKE THIS EXIST.)
Oh, I thought Becky was going to attempt suicide. This makes more sense.
Still sad. 🙁 Poor Becks.
This is what you guys think is dark enough to warrant a gigantic, momentum-destroying graphic?
apparently.
Eh, it’s not so much that it’s dark as that it’s really powerful to some really specific people. When you’re on the brink of suicide, it’s better to be safe with what you read and focus on than it is to activate those thoughts and memories.
For people who have recently been suicidal (or anywhere in their past really), yes.
Yes, it is that dark.
It has power to recall those memories of how hopeless you felt. If your life hasn’t since made much improvement from that low place, it can send you right back. With the result that you may again consider that final solution.
For someone who has felt *that* hopeless, if you were desperately suicidal the night before but didn’t do anything about it then and woke up the next morning and got distracted momentarily by the daily grind, those hopeless feelings are still there, right under the damn surface, and you literally can be just one fragile second away from another reminder that your life is shit, and why bother?
The shark may have gone just under the surface of the water, but that shark is still there. Circling. Waiting for your life.
So. One person’s enjoyment, or another persons life?
Seriously. Six months after I considered it the first time that episode, six months in which we’d decided I was well enough to go back to school, a particularly bad meltdown and having to cross the street on the way back to my dorm where I could collapse were enough to make me go “I don’t trust my thoughts right now because I’m really questioning my desire to stay alive if it’s for this.” This was me in recovery, after having changed my medication to something effective and having had time to adjust and consider myself Not Depressed, being set off enough to be scared by a bad mindset and the method I’d considered.
It can take a lot less when you’re even closer than that.
Even if a person isn’t On The Brink, where they may get triggered into a full-blown attempt, they might experience an absolutely sleepless night where their brain latches onto suicidal ideas and endlessly pesters them about the pills in their drawer. Or they might have a completely shitty day chilling in their self-care mode, when they really wanted to get something else done. You know? That’s probably not what Willis wants for his readers, either, and it’s fine to prefer skipping a visual depiction of suicide until you’re feeling particularly bulletproof against it.
Yup, I’ve legitimately lost count of all the times I straight up lost an evening or self-injured as part of a major trigger leading into a bout of suicidal ideation. There was a period of time when that was just every night, over the randomest of things.
Triggering someone’s suicidal ideation is not something you want to wander into lightly and I’m glad that Willis was cognizant to recognize that as a potential risk in this particular comic.
Just… Be glad you have never felt this low, and therefore don’t understand the actual gravity of this situation.
dude. i appreciate the effort, but this would have been way more satisfying without the gratuitous warning. please don’t coddle us. we’re not made of glass.
Except some people really need the warning. You want to say those people are “made of glass”? Go ahead – but their well-being is a little more important than your fleeting satisfaction.
yes thank you
+ infinity
Itama, dude, don’t coddle us. I am capable of apprenticing the strip perfectly fine without the warning getting in my way. I don’t need my content served on a silver platter exactly formatted for my needs for it to be satisfying.
Well be glad this warning wasn’t made for you, then. Because if you’ve been through this and have mental health problems because of this, triggering flashbacks or other stuff, you appreciate a warning.
Thank you very much for the warning, Willis, it is very appreciated by me, a person who needs it sometimes.
Some people are made of glass.
*roll eyes dismissively*
Yes, yes, you’re so edgy and lucky and don’t have the wonderful battery of easily triggered PTSD responses some of us have.
But oh, you think that luck means you’re better than others, stronger than others, and there pal, is where I say fuckevous du.
Cause you are not stronger than other people simply because you have been lucky enough in your life circumstances to not be affected one way or another by trigger warnings. To feel that having to scroll down a little before reading and having some other images near your images (but oh no, the blaring ads don’t distract, no, not at all) is some grand imposition worthy of critique and whine is a sign of your petulance and again, luck.
Cause, see, those people with bad triggers you so casually denigrate and undervalue. The people you say are “made of glass” are the strongest motherfuckers on the planet. The shit many of them have likely gone through, especially to be triggered by this.
Suicidal ideation? Fuck, having to fight and defeat an ever-present force in your head that wants you dead? That will latch on to every dark thought to drive your actions towards self-harm and self-cessation?
PTSD? Fuck, having your entire senses sabotaged from time to time with literally debilitating flood of neurotransmitters and haunted shell interactions, nasty panic attacks in public spaces, ruined days of misery fighting once again one’s own brain.
You want to do this little pose, set yourself up as a strong person in comparison because you are lucky enough to have that not be your daily life.
No. You are not. The people that warning is actually for?
Are.
Oh, look, a microphone has rolled over here, just now, when Cerberus dropped it.
Cerberus, not sure if I’ve said it before but I’ve certainly thought it and you sure as hell deserve to hear it after that one: You are my hero. Every time I wade into these comments you are one of the commentors I make sure to read because they’re always worthwhile and well thought-out. Thank you, this was no exception.
PREACH IT
<3
It’s not about strength or whatever. It’s about the fact that for some people with certain life experiences, coming to this comic expecting some lighthearted breaking and entering and seeing this could kinda ruin your whole day or worse. I didn’t need the warning, but I’m not sad it was there for the folks who did.
And the pieces are falling into place…
This was what Becky ran away from. It was not only about the right to be herself, it was not only about having a stab at life goals more interesting than homeschooling kids… it was about not being trapped on the road to suicide.
Becky literary ran for her life. No wonder the gun didn’t face her all that much.
http://www.dumbingofage.com/2015/comic/book-6/01-to-those-whod-ground-me/aspirations/
Girl’s tough as shit.
Or possibly just completely desensitized to emotional pain to the point where bottling up her negative emotions is her immediate response to having those emotions.
A bit of both I think.
It’s a good… it’s a REALLY good survival mechanism in the short run, but she will need a LOT of therapy in the longer run.
Can confirm.
It gets you through the short term like no one’s business and then fucks up your ability to even fully tell what emotions you’re feeling afterwards for… I’ll let you know when I get my full suite back again and I stop having random crying jags for long-buried pain.
If Becky’s going down this route to make it to her life resetting, she’s going to have a heavy bill when her life stabilizes out and she’s got nothing but time to start facing the buried demons in her head.
Therapy can be great, if you have a good therapist. But people here are constantly saying, “This character needs therapy,” or “that character really needs therapy!” when often what they need is some sympathetic friends to listen to them and be helpful and trustworthy (as Joyce’s sister is doing right now,) rather than specifically therapy.
I’m not trying to pick on you specifically, because tons of people say it. I just had to pick one.
If therapy works for Becky, great. If she finds that it’s not her thing, then that’s also fine. Therapists aren’t required for working through trauma.
Fair enough, and I tend to say that “character X needs therapy” A LOT.
I think that it is almost always worth a try (for everyone). It may or may not work, because a lot of things need to be aligned for it to be successful, but just getting to the place where you are willing to try therapy usually means that you have are prepared to accept helps in other forms as well (I think Ruth is a stellar example on someone who needs to get herself to that place).
As for Becky, she absolutely need some quality time with her friends without being hunted by her parents (living or dead) and without having to deal with the latest crizes. Joyce did more for her here (www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-5/01-when-somebody-loved-me/pit/) than any therapist can ever do. But even then I think she will have a real problem opening up about things she has been taught her entire life to suppress. A professional can help with that.
Yeah, when I say “someone please get this character therapy” what I generally mean is that “please get this character to a place where they can accept help and someone to offer and give that help, even if it’s just listening to what they need to say” sort of idea. I mean, there’s a couple I think also genuinely need medication or professional treatment (hey again, Ruth), but that’s still secondary to “Please, tell someone what you’re going through and let them help you.”
And for Becky at least, I think a professional is needed, because one of her major blocks is reaching out to friends in times of need and stating what she needs openly without self-deprecating or trying to put some happy wacky spin on it.
Hell, she literally believes that no one would bother with her if she was a “debbie downer” instead of wacky happy Becky.
She needs a stranger with training to talk to just to get her to the point where she feels comfortable going to friends and saying “I’m not doing okay at all and I need help” without feeling she needs to obfuscate and bury it.
Another thing to note in this case, then, is that:
If you choose therapy, you don’t have to stick with one therapist.
You are allowed to change to a new therapist, weeks or months or even years later, and as many times as you need to change, until you find one that works for you, who you feel is in your corner and who you communicate well with.
(That last bit especially, my previous therapist was well-meaning enough, but seemed to put her foot in her mouth a lot. Felt bad leaving her at first, but had to be done, didnt feel like I was getting anywhere. With a much better one now!)
Indeed, it wasn’t that he had the gun that fazed her – it was that he endangered other people, namely her best friend Joyce, with it.
That’s a really good analysis of Becky and I think you’re right. She’s a survivor and she’ll cling to what she can to make it work and she can McGyver hope out of some pretty hopeless moments.
But yeah, it’s all worth it to her to not end up where her mom did. Feeling trapped to that degree.
I have lived through 2 friends dying of cancer, and 2 more that suicided rather than suffer through that. Thank you for the warning.
*hugs*
*Hugs indeed*
*takes deep breath*
As a formerly acutely suicidal person, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to read this strip after I saw the warning, but then I did and now I’m glad. Because this is really well done. And yeah, it does hit me somewhere. It hits me in that place where my mother broke down crying after I first told her about my suicidal thoughts and almost-actions and she said ‘Didn’t you ever think of me and how I would feel if you killed yourself?’ to me. I’m sure Becky has asked herself that very same question. But as the suicidal person, that is not how you think, at least not the way I thought. I hated my life and myself so much that I thought everyone else would be better off without me. If I thought about anyone else at all. Mostly I just wanted the pain to stop.
But eventually, thinking about someone (not really my mother though) was what stopped me from killing myself, so in that moment I totally understood where my mother was coming from.
For what it’s worth, I’m really glad I’m still here now and didn’t go through with it. And I hope everyone reading this comic who may be feeling like this at the moment can stay strong and hang in there. There is always potential, always hope, that life isn’t always going to feel the way it does to you now. And in case you haven’t heard this in a while: I believe in you and you got this.
*hugs everyone*
*all the hugs*
*so many hugs*
And we’re really glad you ended up staying here too.
Thank you and right back at you <3
<3
*Hug*
<3
Shit.
Wait, ‘attempted suicide’? We’re gonna get more sad, aren’t we?
oshit good prediction. now im preemptively sad.
Could have been worse, could have said “Attempted Suicide #1”
I think that is a reasonable hypothesis.
Yeah, my first thought was actually that Bonnie died to something else, and this was Becky walking in on her dad, then I noticed he wasn’t in the tags, which means there’s a good chance tomorrow’s strip will be much sadder.
Yeah, that was my first thought.
Delurking to say thank you for the warning and the kitten.
#JocelyneNoir
Something was wrong.
There was a silence where there had been a noise. An absence where there had been a presence. And something new had taken it’s place.
I was alone
For each stop I grew more uneasy. As I walked closer to the bedroom I could feel the panic whelling up. Could I call someone? Was she even breathing? What could I do? WHAT COULD I DO???
I flinched when a gentle hand was placed on my shoulder.
“It is just a ghost,” the client said softly.
“You can see it too,” I ghasped, and then I felt foolish, because of course she could.
“Of course I can,” she said.
Jocelyne!
Ghost wrangler, chipmunk threatener, all-American badass!
Thanks, needed that, feels and whatnot. #JocelyneNoir sympathy for Becky feels better. Plus it continues to be really enjoyable writing through and through.
That’s not that having feels for the actual comic is bad, just very intense.
Willis, that was a very classy way to deal with a very tricky plot point. Thank you.
OK, the trigger warning, I am fine with. Maybe that could and should have been done in other cases too, but at least it is here now.
But what did take away from the gravity of the situation was the cat. That felt unnecessary to me. Or perhaps even worse, it felt like I was not fully allowed to be emotionally impacted by the strip itself, and was told by the author that I needed to be distracted from the issue at hand.
But if I want to be distracted from when my entertainment choices gives me emotional gut punches, I want that to be my choice (and I usually choose not to). And other people can do their own choices. There are many, many, many places on the internet providing cats or other cute animals.
Anyway, rambling over.
It’s silly, sure, but does it really take away from your reading experience? For me it doesn’t.
I agree with this and posts agreeing, but I also don’t think it was a grievous error- maybe because I personally felt I had read it over enough and was ready to disconnect.
Part of the theme of this comic strip is driving home the idea that these things are real, they happen to people, they can’t be ignored, and the sooner this is understood, the stronger the characters can make themselves. And maybe the people reading it, sometimes.
No apologies should be made for this. A warning if necessary, but any attempt to apologise cheapens the gravity of the real situation you’re warning readers not to relive.
I’m not getting any alt-text. I’m going to assume it should read:
PS: The kitten died.
“An answer you wanted in the way you didn’t want it, as per usual
The image size apparently screwed it up for me. Instead of appearing below the nav buttons, it was way up in the black above the strip.
An answer you wanted in a way you didn’t want it, as per usual.
I had to scroll up a bit to get the text. It actually is up near the trigger warning.
Hey there teenage self.
I wonder if Becky’s mom asked her to bring her the prescription sleeping pills and glass of water too?
Fuck.
Panel 3… ouch, Becky being haunted by the ghosts is sobering. That sideway glance at the table…
What really get to me is how calm she is. This is shocking for us, but Becky of course knows exactly what is coming.
Yeah, that’s a really nice small detail. Every one of these ghosts, she’s looked directly at. Which means, it’s not just the metaphor of these memories haunting her, but these specific memories. And to the degree where she’s probably playing back a little of those memories at each part. The faint laughter and feeling of joy being in her mother’s eyes.
Not fully participating, but not fully being able to look away because every new eye glance brings a new memory, some painful, some whistful, all just ripping her to shreds and making it hard for her to be fully present in what they set out to do.
To offset the sadness here is a hippo farting:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSKQ3ZNQ_O8
Becky would have appreciated the gesture. And the poop flinging.
The trigger warning works fantastic … except, it’s unfortunately not 100% foolproof on mobile.
welp I’m just going to be over there with Neko Atsume for the next week admiring my cat collection until I can come back to this and not have the agony of needing to wait for resolution
the kitty condo is the best investment in my opinion.
I knew it. That’s why Toedad said the devil had taken his wife.
Dear people triggered by this comic tonight:
HUG
I LOVE YOU.
Take it from one who knows: it will get better, it will get bearable. You can do this. <3
It’s like a bruise right? Can’t not touch it after some time. One day you touch it and it doesn’t hurt so much and you know it’s healing that way.
<3
OK, everybody seems to think that the last panel depicts Becky finding her mom on the bed, a bottle of pills close at hand. May I put forward a different viewpoint?
This is not Becky’s mom, THIS IS HER FATHER. My reasoning: look at the hand. That is a rather large palm and extremely chunky fingers, not at all like a female’s hand.
In addition, note the detail of the cuff on the sleeve. None of the other illustrations of Becky’s mom, not even the one on Willis’ Tumblr, shows any sort of cuff on her blouse(s).
Nahhh. He’s not in the tags.
The body shape is wrong for it to be him. Also he’s not in the tags.
I don’t think that’s a cuff. I think it’s a watch/bracelet.
Yeah, but only her mom is tagged, not Toedad. And though Toedad missed leg day, like, always, his legs are still thicker than that, even taking perspective into consideration…..
I’m pretty sure the reason the hand looks so big is that the camera is positioned in a manner that puts it right by the hand.
Because Willis wants to guide our attention to the hand and the drugs, I just realized.
The “cuff” is actually the bracelet Bonnie wore, I’m pretty sure. You can see it on her character model, which I know is on Patreon but I’m on mobile so someone else needs to provide the link for me please!
[dick move] The lifespan of the average domesticated cat is 15 years. [/dick move]
Only explanation? This cat is literally Bast, goddess of all cats. And she will feast on our blood…
Hmm, maybe the mortal cat is the better of the two options.
Actually, I’m going to go with the explanation that we’ll invent an immortality serum in the next 15 years, and it can be applied to pets as well as humans, and….
…. and every damn follow-through that I can make to that is some thoroughly distopian society. So sure, let’s go with Bast.
I’ve been wondering who was going to be the character to go the suicide route. Wouldn’t be Joyce, couldn’t be Becky, the cast would never recover from even an attempt, and having Mary do it would elicit the wrong reaction from the commenters.
I’m willing to metaphorically wager Toedad had a hand in this.
Would you metaphorically wager 200 imaginary candlesticks?
Hey, you know how Becky always acts cheerful and upbeat around others, no matter how terrible her circumstances or how bad she feels at the time?
Where do you think she learned that behaviour?
Fuck.
Fuckfuckfuck.
oh damn
Way to make a dark comic darker.
….. uh, bravo? Maybe? Shit, is this a “good observation” moment or a “damn you” moment?
Like mother, like daughter.
And that’s the truth of it really, our coping strategies for how we deal with the situations that have you running on pure adrenaline, what our automatic impulse is to do tends to be carefully taught to us at a young age.
Maybe it is what we used to survive a bad situation, maybe it was modeled for us, maybe it was what was told to us as the right way, maybe it was what gave comfort when needed.
But given that smiling butter comic, I’d be willing to beat that wacky away the pain and sorrow is a MacIntyre family women’s tradition.
Speaking as someone who does not need trigger warnings:
Am I the only person here who thought that the trigger warning kinda made the strip better, in a way? Just this one time, the author comes out and tells you “something really, really bad is coming up”.
Well, for me it built it up as something big and shocking so I was disappointed with the reality of it. I mean it’s still horrible but it made me imagine far worse scenarios.
Not on the comic page, but I think he’s tried to put warnings on Twitter when things have been ‘this hits close to home’s heavy for some people, and I’ve always thought that was pretty neat of him.
A trigger warning for attempted suicide is not something I personally need, but Willis, I really respect that you provided it for the people who do. The way you handle serious, traumatic events in these characters lives is really, really, wonderful, and I just wish that certain tv shows could be as sensitive to the realities of their audience members as you are to yours. Anyway, thank you.
^^^yes!
I thought about writing something to this effect, but I saw your comment, and realized it would be redundant. As you say, I’m not one who needs something like this, but I respect that there are people who do and appreciate that such a warning was provided for them.
My only experience with suicide are the deaths of an uncle of mine when I was an infant (this is still felt by my father and his father), and the death of an aunt on my mom’s side (my cousin was formally adopted for a while by my mother, as she was suddenly an orphan–she lives with her biological father now). Neither of these people were folks that I was all that close to, but I *am* close to those who have survived them.
My thoughts on the matter are confusing to me, and I find myself struggling to empathize with those touched by an experience that is mostly alien to me. I want to help those touched by this, but I know not the best way to do that–all I can do is try the best I can and hope for the best.
Sorry, I’m rambling and not making any sense. I’ll stop now.
Hah it’s kinda selfish of me to think when Willis said, “Things will be dark with this update” (paraphrased) that I thought he just meant we’d get a glimpse into Bonnie’s death. And like, just seeing a parent die was dark enough for the warning. It didn’t even occur to me that it would be a heavier subject because having a parent die just due to natural causes is emotional for me. Suicide wasn’t even on my radar. And it’s strange by making it even darker I was able to dissasociate it from my dad’s death that I can get the emotional punch of the death without drudging up my past/ emotions.
me @ becky’s mom: same
*massive hug*
Also, I like your comic.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it is what it is y’know? fortunately i’ve been pretty numb and like “nothing matters” all day, so i didn’t need the warning. but thank you for the hug.
and thanks! now if only i could update regularly. i’m trying to build a small update buffer rn
I hope you continue to stay safe and practice self-care. You are an awesome person and I’m sorry for the numbness. I remember it, and it was not fun being that deadened to everything.
*Internet comfort, internet support*
Here’s another happier video
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dpye3scamjs
Why not puppies and kittens?
Thank you for that TW Willis. I’m fairly certain you have quite a few readers who needed it.
Jesus Christ.
knew something like this was coming, still hits a little too close to home. ~<3
Hello darkness my old friend…
The disclamier is much appreciated, but I should say that there was no disclamier when Joyce was asaulted and I’m sure that there are one or two strips that would have required a word or two
Ok….first off I had parent commit suicide so the warning is appreciated…but whats wrong with just saying warning this strip talks of suicide…why do ya have to use the sjw bullshit trigger warning..just saying warning gets the message across.
“I appreciate warning people of a sensitive issue, but fuck those other people who want warnings of sensitive issues!”
And no trigger warning for the part of the comic that shows people unable to find something they’re looking for? That’s the kind of emotional trauma I can more easily relate to.
“Trigger” is an ACTUAL PSYCHIATRIC TERM. Just because people are more aware of it now because of the increased communication provided by the internet doesn’t mean it’s some made up, meaningless slang. He’s warning about something that could be a trauma trigger for people. It’s accurate. And besides, whether he used “trigger warning”, “content warning”, or just “warning” would make LITERALLY no difference in the message. What the hell is wrong with you.
Seriously. The whining about triggers and trigger warnings remind me a lot of the whining by bigots about trans people. Lots of sound and fury as people try and pretend a well-studied and catalogued phenomenon starting to enter into wider social awareness is somehow a brand new invention by evil liberals to trick bigots into looking like idiots.
Like, we’re all just finding new ways to suffer so that we can go “ha ha, you still have to learn something about the world you inhabit, because we made up a whole new group of people”!
But hey, easier to believe in conspiracies about how the world works and play-act an aggressive ignorance than to accept that what is, simply is and won’t disappear just because you want it to badly enough.
Above comment:
That moment when you appreciate trigger warnings because they provide a genuine moment of care for a tragedy you underwent… but you’re still worried about looking like a (slur for gay man) if you admit it, so need to aggressively rant about EssJayDubbayous like a prat.
Seriously? Why do you care if he calls it a “warning” or a “content warning” or a “trigger warning”? What’s it to you?
Huh, didn’t know my psychologist is pulling out some SJW bullshit every time I talk about how much certain things can send me into a nihilistic or self-loathing spiral and she agrees I have to manage exposure to stuff that can trigger me. Thank you for that completely unsolicited information! Unfortunately she’s also a very helpful psychologist so ya know I think I’m going to keep at seeing her all the same.
Ooh, missed that one being an autofilter, good to know.
Well, I don’t think that I’m exaggerating by saying that most of us were expecting something like this.
Personally, I was expecting to see Becky’s previously-unknown (even to her) older sister chained up in the Forbidden Bedroom, where she lived her entire life as Toedad’s incestuous sex slave, until just yesterday dying from thirst and starvation because he wasn’t around to feed her any more.
….
I think maybe I’ve seen too much dark fiction.
Reads comic: Holy crap, sadness!
Reads #JocelyneNoir: Aww, that feels better!
Goes to Hulu and turns on Flash: Why? Why did I not remember how last week’s episode ended?! Now I am sad again.
I understand and appreciate the trigger warning (though it’s a bit overbearing), but jeez did you really need to include the cat? Talk about mood whiplash.
TRIGGER WARNING.
This touchs me in so many ways… my multiple suicide attempts…. my family’s refusal to accept mental illness is real, and not just attention seeking behaviour… my ex’s belief that mental illness is cured by prayer, fasting and exorcism…. my Mum’s opinion that my mental health issues are some way to “get her”… the subsequent damage to so many in my family that their denial has caused…
If someone in your family has mental health issues, and/or self-harm issues, for the Love of God TALK to them. Don’t judge, don’t try to find “reasons” or “answers”, “blame”, just listen, love and support them in what they’re fighting.
When family turns against the ill, that’s when suicide seems to become the ONLY option left. After all, if those who are meant to support and love you no matter what turn against you, it’s really hard to see any point to existing.
*massive hugs* I’m glad you’re still here.
hugs
<3
*hugs*, so very many hugs.
Similar situation with me realising someone I was close to had attempted too, they were still conscious and pretending nothing had happened when I realised and we called an ambulance. Rough night for everyone involved, we didn’t stay friends for other reasons but I all ways hope they got help and are doing better.
*hugs*
Holy fuck.
I’ve battled depression and suicidal urges over the past decade and sometimes it never feels like it’ll be better, even after things have gotten better. I recently moved two timezones away from a state where things were stagnating and getting worse, to a place where my gf and I are 3 months from HRT, and I have a job where my boss respects me being trans and has been fully supportive. And yet, last week, I felt like I wanted to be hit by a truck. The night had a bit of a conflict and I went to take a walk and that feeling just came back up.
I guess part of why I mention this is like… Bonnie may have dealt with this regardless of how she was treated. I’m sure it didn’t help if Toedad was being a jackass but the point is, is that even when I’m surrounded by people who care about me and the only asses I have to deal with are customers at my job, it doesn’t change that the struggle still exists.
hugs
Seconded.
First off: solidarity hug/gesture?
Being on the other end of the state from my toxic family and having a loving wonderful fiancée of then-5 years didn’t stop me from attempting last summer either.
It is so rare for this shit to ever fully truly go away. You are fully correct that even if Bonnie felt that stuff was going OK, she could still have felt like she had reasons.
They call depression etc. a disease for a reason.
*hugs*
I’ve been there. And I can say the nights where that feeling rears its ugly head will eventually slow down and become more infrequent. Also, congrats on supportive boss and gf and being close to hormones.
Hormones are slow, but they can make a real important difference and I’m so happy that you’re on route to getting access to them.
This is one of the times I need to keep reminding myself that this is just a web comic.
Or… make that ‘try to remind myself’. It’s also the time that it doesn’t quite work.
Thank you for the warning and thank you doing it in a way that actually prevented you from just straight out seeing the strip first. Thank you for being kind.
And that is an amazingly cute kitten picture I’ve somehow never seen before.
“Religion is the opium of the people.” quoth Marx and Lenin. It dulls their senses, defies logic, eliminates common sense, justifies everything, tolerates no dissent, brooks no interference, creates heroes and villains and engenders justifiable retribution all in it’s name.
Becky’s Mom simply had enough conflict in her mind and tried to escape the only way she knew how. Requiescat in pace.
Let’s not prooftext. What Marx said is: “Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people.” The preceding sentence gives the necessary context.
Better yet, let’s take the whole passage, because even that one extra sentence is still pretty selective:
The foundation of irreligious criticism is: Man makes religion, religion does not make man. Religion is, indeed, the self-consciousness and self-esteem of man who has either not yet won through to himself, or has already lost himself again. But man is no abstract being squatting outside the world. Man is the world of man – state, society. This state and this society produce religion, which is an inverted consciousness of the world, because they are an inverted world. Religion is the general theory of this world, its encyclopaedic compendium, its logic in popular form, its spiritual point d’honneur, its enthusiasm, its moral sanction, its solemn complement, and its universal basis of consolation and justification. It is the fantastic realization of the human essence since the human essence has not acquired any true reality. The struggle against religion is, therefore, indirectly the struggle against that world whose spiritual aroma is religion.
Religious suffering is, at one and the same time, the expression of real suffering and a protest against real suffering. Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people.
The abolition of religion as the illusory happiness of the people is the demand for their real happiness. To call on them to give up their illusions about their condition is to call on them to give up a condition that requires illusions. The criticism of religion is, therefore, in embryo, the criticism of that vale of tears of which religion is the halo.
So, again, a bit more complex than “religion dulls senses, it sucks”.
That’s… not strictly what Marx met. Especially in 1844 (when the sentence was written), opium wasn’t considered necessarily bad. For example, the push to ban “opium dens” in the united states didn’t start until 1875. The point wasn’t that “religion is bad, mkay?” The point was that religion was an a pain killer. A way of coping with suffering in absence of an alternative. Useful, but subject to abuse.
Comic Reactions:
At this point, I feel like I’ve processed out a lot of the shock and emotion of that last panel and argued the case for why the trigger warning is a damn good idea. And really this whole thing tips on those two things, they are the eye of the storm that sucks everything in. I’ve also overanalyzed a lot of angles on the suicide up above, so I’ll be being a bit light in that section. That said, there’s a lot more going on that I want to savor.
Panel 1: Bags are good. Bags can be filled, grabbed, and ran with if they hear the blare of a siren or feel they have overstayed the bounds of their welcome. Bags also mean that Toedad’s organization is for shit and so her paperwork, if anywhere is probably crumpled up in one of those bags or lost in a stack of drivel.
Also, I love that now the double Js are taking the lead and the initiative on this and playing off each other with the ease and familiarity Becky and Jocelyne had. They are a good team and they are good family to each other. And I love to see that bonding through mutual criminality is working out so well.
Panel 2: YES! Okay, it’s still not nearly everything, and some form of visual identification would be key, but at least now, she has what she needs to fill out applications, if not to give her employers her necessary documents to actually start work. It’s also a piece she can use to try and minimize some of what she’d need to order.
And most importantly? It means she has documentation. It means Toedad wasn’t so paranoid about the Anti-christ that he ignored federal laws regarding births.
And that means she has a birth certificate and a social security number somewhere. They just need to find it.
Panel 3: Joyce said in an early comic that class was at the kitchen table and that she didn’t need to dress up, even though she always did. Here we see that class, with the level of textbooks I quoted yesterday.
And the tragedy of that, is that look at Becky’s face, how she remembers herself studying on her bed in the previous day’s comics. Becky is inquisitive and loves to learn. Is voracious at trying to gain information, and yet was deliberately starved for input. Given garbage and rot and denied access to most of the rest of the world for fear it would “corrupt” her. She loved to learn, was excited to learn, but her sect views genuinely educated women as “unfeminine” and so without her self-realization and reinvention, that all would have been wasted on so much unnecessary garbage.
Also, looking ahead to that last panel. The mother of a Pre-Millennial Dispensationalist Rapturist Christian household is everything. She is expected to stay home 24/7 keeping the home and raising the kids and in this sect, providing said kid with the entirety of her education. Bonnie was Becky’s teacher, was the person she spent all day every day with, and did the majority of her socializing with. Bonnie was likely the first person Becky turned to in emotional crises and was likely the person who formed the majority of Becky’s world and life.
And so when she sees the body on the bed, that’s not just her mom, that’s her whole world. That’s the person she’s spent the majority of her lived years interacting with. That’s everything.
Panel 4: Laughing and hugging in front of butter and toast. Unlike Joyce and her mom, this coupling may have even been genuinely loving between them and Bonnie may have been a great comfort to her.
But it’s also a sign of where Becky learned her wacky defense mechanism. A mom that will crack silly jokes and will let things be fun and silly and wacky when Toedad isn’t stomping around. It’s a stretch and an assumption, but I could see Becky and Bonnie having the same coping strategies for dealing with the prison that is the culture in which they were raised.
Only difference? Bonnie wasn’t able to run when she needed to.
Panel 5: Discovering with pills, Becky’s previous smile flipped upside down in shock and terror.
And it’s clear she would have had no clue what to do. Like, no kid is really equipped to handle something like that much less be in charge of making sure ambulances get there in time.
Poor Becky. Poor Bonnie.
This is the ghost that this house may evoke the most and in her face she is in her last barrier, the one before just breaking down and crying and trying to hold on.
After all, she won’t let herself cry knowing that Jocelyne and Joyce are on the other end of the bedroom.
Ugh, I want to give *hugs* to all the fictional characters, but I can’t. I can’t hug all the fictional characters.
A good analysis as always!
You raise a great point with Becky’s love of learning, her sense of curiosity. I don’t recall Joyce sneaking out and stuff, but in these last few pages we have confirmed that Becky did so semi-regularly. Curiosity about the outside world, a desperate hunger to learn that the limited, very-cherrypicked information provided via homeschooling, could not sate, could be the only motivation for this.
Heck, her final words to Toedad under police watch in the hospital, was to threaten him that she would go to college and become a motherfuckin scientist. She does not occur to me as the type to make that big a threat lightly.
I pray for her that this entire maelstrom of her life right now, does not kill her curiosity, that she someday follows through on her threat to her father. I pray that the bright spark that is Becky does not ever fade out.
True story, “Cat Therapy” (as in spending a week or so every month with a friend’s seven cats) was a major reason that I was able to overcome suicidal depression.
(also medication and actual therapy).
So, not quite the way it hits becky, but this hits home.
¡¡¡ Potential Trigger !!!
Okay, I hate to sound like a troll, but it’s not the worst thing in the world. If I hadn’t made so many freaking promises that I wouldn’t and now there’s kids in my life that don’t have the coping skills to deal with it… I’d have gladly checked out over a decade ago but now I’m stuck in some lousy obligation for who knows how long? Sure I’ve had some good days since then, enough to deal with all the rest of it though? It’s been years since I’ve made an attempt but I still spend more days than not hoping for an aneurysm or something. All you ever hear is suicidal ideation being a symptom of the mentally ill and thus of course it’s always irrational. Just because I have different priorities & it makes people uncomfortable I’ve gotta stick around keep my head down & walk in step with society so I don’t have to worry about being locked up?
…
My comment may have gotten away from me somewhat…
It’s just… If you want to see it as selfish, sure, go ahead but if you’ve gotten help, you’ve talked it out, it’s been a while and you still want out maybe there’s actually a freaking reason and people should cut you some slack.
Jesus, what the hell. That trigger warning is scarier than the actual comic. I thought Becky was gonna kill herself.
The Suicide or attempted suicide of a loved one is quite possibly one of the most horrifying things that can happen to anyone, and that’s not even considering the recrimination the whole “could i have seen this coming” that survivors go through.
Suicide is also one of the most selfish things you can do to your family and loved ones. Barring some sort of terminal illness, if you have suicidal thoughts or feelings, even ones you dismiss, you need to talk to someone.
But real talk now. Sheltering people from difficult and scary subjects is not helpful. All it does is is create a generation of people who are not emotionally equipped to deal with the real world. We need to stop with the “oh my, this may cause an emotional reaction, so we must hide it from you” attitudes, and instead teach children and young adults that, yes, The world is a scary place some times, but you can be strong enough to get through the rough times, or if not, there are people that can help you get through those times. When I look at some of the stuff going on these days and see 20-somethings that need “safe spaces” to get away from being challenged, it makes me think a few things.
1. How are you going to function in a world that does not care about you?
2. how wretched are your friends and family that they did not/will not help you stand on your own when things get difficult.
3. Are we making things worse by trying to protect and shelter others from difficult things, making them unable to deal with those things when they grow up.
If you have a friend or loved one who is going through something, don’t hide them in a bubble. HELP them. Be there for them. Make sure that they know they are not alone in the world, and for the love of whatever you find sacred, if you see warning signs, don’t ignore them. It’s better to try and get help for your friend and be wrong than to allow them to suffer and get worse.
Oh