How did you get a grav from that far ahead what even– you– There’s rules where you can’t talk about time travel, I bet. Well I know the truth! No use hiding it anymore! TELL ME YOUR SECRETS
Nope, Time is travelling through us. We’re only ephemeral beings, doomed to finite lifespans. Time is infinite, it has the right of way so it travels through us, not the other way round.
What about “It’s only gay if our balls tough”? I’ve heard of that one. Don’t think it’ll work tho, no professor on meatsack biology, but I don’t think that’s how it works…
Man I’ll be so happy if it makes them happy. I adore Ethan, and Danny deserves to be happy too even if he’s a little boring. I worry that them banging would only either lead to, or be caused by, total heartbreak though (It is The Willis. Good Things don’t happen to characters)
Not true. Becky got to see her dad in cuffs and got a girlfriend. The key is that a character must PAY DEARLY TO THE TRAGEDY GODS before they get any lasting happiness.
Except Walky. All he gets is grade troubles and an awesome girlfriend, and a free pass to not participate more than a little in others’ drama.
What? Daniel the Human won’t let me sign up for any sites, so I gotta research Humans in other places… Now let’s see… *[Blocked]* What? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo…….!!!!
I should really just copy my husband’s browser history for you, Screwball. XD I told him our daughter’s not even allowed to use his computer anymore, because typing “yo” into his address bar automatically auto-completes with youporn now instead of youtube. :/
And no, mine doesn’t have that problem. :p “Yo” brings up youtube (and “d” brings up “dumbingofage,” but that’s a different story :p). I search for weird shit as a writer and artist, but it stays out of my auto-completes. :p
Daniel the Human’s got something called “Parental Controls” activated on this thing, I can’t get through. If this were Cybertronian tech, I’d get through easy, but your Human tech is just too different… 🙁
Sadly Pornhub won’t run on my old FF anymore (Firefox10.0 – because customization/control and SpeedDial). Still, I’m more partial to xHamster and XVideos anyway.
This was the best comment I’ve seen that reminds me of Anime with a trap that isn’t a trap, and a blonde with eroge obsession and a cute face while I’m sleep deprived.
I know a dude who, while having anal sex with another dude, stopped in the middle and said “oh no!!” and the other dude says “What? What??” and he says, “Our penises touched! That makes it GAY!!”
(Remembers crude jokes in middle school). Now that I think about it, I’m not sure when I found out what gay sex usually entails. Ethan might know more than me at the same age.
Exactly! Though, I was looking for the WoW version from like a decade ago when I posted last night, but I couldn’t find it. (There are tons of them, but not the one that introduced me to the song. XDD)
Is it that you didn’t know about oral, or that you still don’t get it because they taste like scented erasers half the time? (although, durex makes a non-flavoured one that sort of tastes like (and smells strongly of) earl grey for some reason)
Everyone’s first fics were terrible. EVERYONE’S. There are deep, dark secrets of shame in every fic writer’s past. Schmoopy self-insert, 2nd person narration, questionable sex techniques. I’m sure Amber has evolved like all of us 😉
I’ve been spending literal years making some-2000 word stories from when I was 12 into readable, at least moderately respecting of canon, currently about 25000 (probably will best 35-40k) word stories with the same premise.
They’re not even popular, I just cannot leave them be. I’m like ‘but this was [these were] the first real thing I ever wrote I have to save it.’
I know what you mean I wrote some stuff as a middle and high schooler (not fanfic and not slash – boring old ordinary original fiction) which I have subsequently spent twenty years revisiting on and off in an attempt to take the characters (which were and still are pretty awesome) and put them into some sort of plot that, unlike in the original stories, both exists and doesn’t suck. It doesn’t help that even after all these years I remain terrible at coming up with plots. So far I’ve written two 190,000+ word books from them that are almost decent, but still haven’t finished the reclamation effort. I figure one more book and I can move on to the side-stories that also need reworking…
Sadly my embarrassing middle-school writer years predated the Internet so I was just filling up notebooks, and I left them behind when I went to college and my mum threw them out. 🙁
At least I don’t have these stupid, awful fics floating around the dark recesses of the Internet, I guess. They were well-spelled, at least (hey, ahead of the game, lol) but man…
I still remember one where my totally bad-ass female fighter (she had an eyepatch, yo!) stopped a bunch of violent thugs from attacking them by telling them about this one brothel where they’ll, like, do anything. Woo! Never mind beating up my new best friends; we’re off to a legendary brothel where they will do anything. You know, unlike every other brothel out there. Sex solves everything!
Mine predated the internet, but not wordperfect 1.0, so my first story was typed and saved. (It was for a middle school writing class, but was so long I turned it in a second time to the same class for full credit. And due to recent recovery efforts I have readable copy of it! It’s…pretty bad. No sex in it though for obvious reasons.) My second story, the first one that was semi-decent, had a semi-semblance of a plot, and which introduced all my favorite characters – that was two hundred plus pages written out in longhand. Which I actually still have, because I’m not quite a hoarder but am close enough. No sex in it either, because I was raised in prude-country and other people knew about it, plus I was pretty incompetent about sexy stuff. Heck, even today my books are basically family-appropriate (aside from the teen swearing, which is way toned down but still drives my family away) – with its deplorable lack of homosexual sexytimes my stuff definitely would never gain traction with the internet community.
Oh I know those. The stories that linger. I have an original fiction I’ve been on-and-off working on for 15 years lol. I think we all have those.
But every writer evolves over time and if you write new stuff for a different fandom or even new stuff in the same fandom, you’re always gonna be better now than when you started 😉
I had some of my poetry published in my university’s annual literary/art magazine. Looking back on it now it is ridiculously pretentious and overwrought. I don’t k now who is worse, me for writing it or the editorial staff for selecting it for publication.
and then someone completely random walks in and starts talking about the history of the term slash, beginning with ye olde star trek fandom
which in my experience always happens when people talk about slash fiction
oh god i’m that person
inqntrol, my first fanfic was about Darkwing Duck. Ducks are definitely a thing. :p (I don’t still have some lingering nostalgic love for Negaduck that still gets a little inappropriate at times. I don’t. I definitely don’t still look for not-exactly-child-friendly art of him. Sometimes. .__.)
I know this is a joke, but even gay porn is a horrible suggestion of how gay sex works. (Hint: They leave out all the unsexy stuff you need to do before and after)
Okay, I’m just going to say it and then never speak of it again: The prevalence of soap as a lube in fic once resulted in one of the worst experiences of my life.
Seriously. Just use lube in your stories, guys. I can’t believe how many times I’ve head-desked over spit or sweat as ‘lube’ and don’t get me started on the time it was tears. Tears as lube. I s2g.
What is your sexuality, if you don’t mind my asking? Straight but with a preference for no PnV?
This is definitely a personal question so feel free to ignore but your comment made me curious
I’m straight but I’m way more into the concept of getting HJs, BJs, and other non penetration stuff than actual penetration. I’m very selfish I guess. Then again I’m also extra virgin so y’know. Take what I say with a grain of salt.
It’s only selfish if you don’t return the favor. Learn how to give oral, and/or use your hands. Or at least the basic mechanics. I’ve actually known a marriage counselor who said “Absolutely no PIV sex for a while” as part of her recommendations (Like, sex is fine, but no PIV), which apparently helped greatly.
Like, I’m not saying be an expert, but you can totally have great sex without penetration. To the extent I can make a recommendation, it’d be Mira’s yuri stuff. She gets plenty explicit, and while it’s lesbians, it’s also, you know, not PIV (And often not a dildo either). The mechanics shouldn’t be that different for a man than a woman.
Right about next Christmas (not the one coming next week), the one in 2016, maybe these two will have managed to explore what they both have been wanting to do ever since Danny fell on Ethan -by accident.
Or maybe Ethan will be back in the closet and Danny will be sleeping with Walky. There’s a thought.
If Amazi Girl does break up with Danny (I can’t see vice verse happening. Danny can’t even break off his friendship with Joe) I can’t see him going directly to Ethan.
Danny and Amazi Girl dating seems pretty reliant on Amber holding onto the persona as a perfect version of herself. Only the perfect Amazi Girl deserves a boyfriend. And Amber is very insistent that Amazi Girl never fails. That’s not a setup for something that will end well.
And Amber ran away from Danny after she exploded with anger at him for kissing her while she was out of the Amazi Girl persona. Which means he didn’t get the chance to come out to her. And it should be noted that the if his conversation with Dorothy is anything to go by, one of the reasons he hasn’t confided in Amber about the bisexuality thing is because he’s scared with how she’ll react.
Only the perfect Amazi Girl deserves a boyfriend.
The irony of this is that Danny has learned from his parents him having a girlfriend is the only thing that earns him any respect at all.
I can imagine that being a job in the physics department.
“Oh you were looking for the Quantum mechanics department, its down the hall and to the left”
*screams*
“Oh sorry! I meant the right!”
I’m not female, a middle schooler in the Internet age, or into man on man fanfic, so somebody tell me: Isn’t that a little early to be reading slashfic to say nothing of writing it? I’m just thinking Amber’s love of written man-on-man goes *ahem* deeper than most women’s given that history, and that when the possibility of an Amber-Danny-Ethan three way comes up that’ll make it all the more confusing for her. We all know it eventually will and and, Willis being Willis, it’s only going to be sweaty and passionate in the worst ways.
I mean, I’m none of those things either, but that’s at least the right time to have the kinds of feelings that lead to reading or writing it. (And for all we know, the ‘grasps of the mechanics of gay sex’ might just be ‘and they touched each other’s butts’ or something).
That’s only a little bit early at most. If you’re sufficiently precocious, into creative fandom, and have enough unsupervised access to the Internet, you can totally be reading and writing smutfic in your preteens and early teens. I think I published my first smutfic on fanfiction.net at age 15 (I have since deleted it because wow it was terrible, so that’s a best estimate – and says nothing for any unpublished forays into smutfic that I might have written earlier).
I was totally writing fanfic between the ages of thirteen and fifteen, and reading smut (albeit guiltily and terrified I would go to hell). Took me a few more years to get over my shame and guilt hangups to be able to start incorporating slash/femslash, but I imagine the less neurotic types (and/or people who aren’t repressing their queerness like I was) could easily be writing by then.
If you think that’s early for a girl to be reading or writing slashfic, you don’t know much about the fanfiction community! It’s very much not. I think most girls get into fandom around that age, which leads to the regrettable instance of being just old enough to be into sex and young enough to still have no sense of maturity in dealing with that or other heavy subjects (abuse, BDSM, you name any dark shit and slash fangirls will have written it).
Yeah, although everyone I knew outgrew it if they learned it at all, it certainly does set up a super shakey foundation to understanding rape with the whole ‘hot forceful sex and actually you end up really liking the guy” thing, among other things to do with unhealthy relationships (especially in anime fandoms since a lot of animes geared at that age-ish have weird violent fights that are about the girl and usually possessive), and writing of women as super clueless because they think they guy who says ‘baka onna’ is super hot.
Though I’m not a girl, I have read from multiple sources that some women (and by “some” I mean “more than half of women polled”, plus Ayn Rand) find rape hot.
Let me clarify.
It’s not *being* raped that’s hot, it’s the *idea* of being raped. Women who have rape fantasies want all of the spicy sexiness of being overpowered against their will without all of the messy consent, fear, and trauma.
If you really think about it, it makes sense: most girls find power sexy, whether it’s physical power, financial power, or sexual power.
There’s also a level of the old double standard – “You’re a bad girl if you do that”. So, in fantasies, rape takes away the guilt feelings, since you didn’t choose to do it.
It is, or at least was, common in genre romance as well, particularly the more formula stuff.
That’s partially true, but it’s also partially an invention of harlequin. It’s important to remember that the people who make the decision on what to publish are still old white dudes. They tend to nix a lot of the stuff that doesn’t fit the model. Plenty of self-published porn (‘erotica’, but let’s be real) doesn’t bother with rape. Plenty still does, mind! But it’s less common than stereotypes indicate.
Mm. Not going to go too deep into it, but that whole thing is a lot more complicated than the surveys usually dive into. Part of it is that a lot of women have been raped and for a portion of survivors, rape fantasies are a way of going back and removing the worst part (the robbing of autonomy) by putting themselves in charge of when and how it ends.
Another part is that what is marketed and presented in sexual materials that young women will often find frequently portray things like stalking, rape, and obsession as sexy. This means that there is often cultural pressure to follow suit, which leads the general culture to assume that that’s just what women want. If all your depictions of what is a “sexy guy” show guys who don’t accept no or who show up in your home in the middle of the night or so on, then you usually just assume oh, okay, that’s what hot must be in a similar way that most people assume sex is supposed to hurt the first time (it’s not) or that the hymen is some “freshness seal” that sex must break (also not).
This is not to say that rape fantasies aren’t a thing for some women and that these often are complicated feelings for said women that don’t correspond to their desire to be in relationships that are abusive or rapey.
But rather that the presumed universality has a little more to do with how things are marketed and sold as well as stereotypes and assumptions with regards to what women find hot that more match up with what men already are using to compare and rank themselves rather than what women are saying they find hot (like say, the social idea that women love aggressive and muscular when a lot of the depictions of sexy that get passed around among heterosexual women and are popular among them tend to have a lot more depictions of more androgynous and lithe looking guys who are at least making an outward show of being sensitive and emotionally caring (even creepy stalker extraordinaire Edward makes a lot of noise about how “conflicted” and full of feelings he is and is described more in terms of his softer features)).
What thejeff and Rutee say also fits into it. A fantasy where one can say one was swept away so it wasn’t like one was really sexually horny and wanting a tumble is going to be marketed more because of our social attitudes towards women having sexualities and thus more women are going to feel social pressure to hide or deflect their attractions under these weasel word rules they’re told to follow.
I was just thinking of the apparent audience of “Twilight”… Pretty sure it’s the same as the slashfic demographic. Hell, what with Jacob and Edward, I guarantee there’s a healthy amount of overlap.
You’re correct too, yes, and there was also weird romanticized stuff in that field (such as super violent ‘tsundere’, and not necessarily in universes where the characters had nigh-infinite health)
When I was in middle school, Internet port was a covert affair. You had one computer in the house, often as not, and it took up the phone line when you connected, and made a sound like a blender having angry sex with an auto tune machine in the process. It was like a techno thriller spy movie to get your tween want materials.
In ages before, middle schoolers would resort to underwear catalogues, swimsuit magazines, and faded periodicals handed down from on high by their one friend’s unemployable weird uncle.
That’s no exaggeration about the catalogs, either. I’m amazed at how easily I had been turned on as a teen by what are relatively tame images by today’s standards. Back then I could get it up for a Barbie doll.
JCPenney’s lingerie section was where it was at, if you were a chick into chicks and your parents were controlling, homophobic, and monitored computer use down to keystroke loggers and password crackers. :p
Yup, puberty often means sexual awakening, so kids start looking around for stuff on that and at that age porn is pretty much all that’s around.
This comes with the unfortunate side effect that by the time we realize that kids might have sexual desires and questions and start trying to teach sex ed, they’ve already absorbed a lot of terrible messages and advice from porn tropes (and that’s for all kids. This is also why a lot of slashfic often has… questionable sexual bits in them, like not really understanding what lube is or what a good material for lube would be).
I remember hearing of one that said they “did lube” because the author appeared to be under the assumption lube was a sex act.
And given the prevalence of abstinence-only sex ed and lack of information about gay sex at all, you get… well, bad porn fanfics written by twelve-year-olds with no understanding of anatomy.
Maybe, but it’s not at all uncommon, based on my knowledge of me and my friends, as well as folks I met online or read from, or who read my stuff, although I actually didn’t write slash exactly (a friend helped with sex scenes. She was the same age as me, just less worried about sounding dumb, especially since it was under my name. I pretty much just set up how it started and what the ending would lead into).
I think he’s assuming that most women who are into dude on dude start liking that stuff later in life. I’m with Amber here. I’ve always found dude on dude attractive.
I’m starting to wish I’d written smut at twelve. Maybe then I’d be good at it now. I’m eighteen and can’t even write kissing without feeling super self-conscious.
I read erotic fanfic when I was twelve. I was writing it at thirteen. Yeah, it’s a thing. Definitely more prevalent and better written when you’re older, but that’s right when the hormones are starting to kick in and there’s that thrill of writing down the filthiest things you can think of. So, someone touching a boob, basically.
I was writing romantic fanfiction when I was a teenage girl. **shrug** Now, it was non-explicit and all about love and relationship and stuff. Of course, I was more into writing the girl-on-girl than the man-on-man, but I did have some friends and fellow writers into the yaoi scene.
As far as I know, slashfiction is almost exclusively the purview of teenage girls.
Every year approximately twelve articles come out about how women and girls love and consume a lot of gay porn (both in video and in writing) and yet people are somehow still surprised about this lmao.
It may well make it more confusing for her, but not necessarily any better. Thinking man-on-man is hot doesn’t mean you want your boyfriend and your ex to get together.
Or make threesomes any more likely to work out well.
THANK YOU. It’s like the whole ‘oh you’re bi so you obviously want to have a threesome’ thing. Amber might not even be into the idea of a threesome–I know I’m not. I’m too monogamous for that. Like, I get worried saying possessive, but that might be the better term. Amber might be the same way. And I dunno if Ethan would want to be in a threesome with a girl, much less his best friend.
Oh yeah, a threesome would end tragically there. It would, ironically, be all about making Danny feel better. afaik, and tbf this isn’t by personal experience (My wife is definitely too possessive, and I might be too; note, this bare minimum of ‘I want monogamy’ is not exactly a bad level of possessieness), but you want all participants into each other. Which either sucks for Ethan, or sucks for Ethan and Amber (She’d like to hit that, but would be emotionally tormented). Danny/Ethan/Amber threesomes are the thing I don’t get, even from the perspective of ‘all bi people want threesomes’.
Speaking as someone that has read a lot of the very worst fanfic as research. (yes, research – I made fanficmaker.com [/plug]). I would gauge while most were from older, there was certainly “dirty” stuff I read from surprisingly young.
One other vague “pattern” seems to be the younger you go the more incline you are not just for author-inserts, but also to put all your friends in as well.
I don’t think Danny would do that to Amber, and I most definitely do not think that Ethan would do that to Amber. I will however be very interested in them when Danny and Amber call it quits. Yep, I said when.
Yeah, it’s sad that he can actually talk about it with Ethan, actually show legitimate interest in queer fiction, but thinks that bringing it up to Amber will ruin things.
I like how “feels” is in quotes. Ethan, honey. No.
Then again, I have this terrible feeling that Danny question pertains to Amber’s shit fit, and I’d much rather they talk about slashfic and shipping for fifty strips than even go near that subject.
I’m going to go ahead and say that “I ruined things with Amber! I better go hang out with that guy I associate with ruining things with Amber!” is not Danny’s thought process.
Yeah, I don’t know what mellowing out Danny did over the timeskip, but it’s nice to see him be able to actually talk to Ethan, about slash of all things, and not freak out and think he’s compelled to cheat.
Anyway, Danny just became aware of the extent of Amber’s problems. I can’t think of any reason other than that for why he’d swing by to talk to Ethan, who knows more about Amber than anyone.
I don’t think he’s here to fuck Ethan because he’s upset with Amber. In fact, somehow, Danny doesn’t even appear to be mad at her at all. I feel like he came here to talk about Amber, and they got distracted by the slashfic.
There’s a mum near me who writes a lot (like, a lot) of slashfic. Her gay son has publicly (as in, a local newspaper article) said she knows way more about the mechanics of gay sex than he. Heh.
Apparently she is super supportive, and I mean that sincerely, although it is also hilarious because she will apparently offer him tips.
Does this mean he doesn’t watch porn? Although I guess porn isn’t the greatest of references…
Also it’s fairly easy to at least GUESS at what two dudes might get up to in the bedroom, but I suppose that since he’s a virgin, the theory might not be what actually is put into practice.
…Is gay porn for gay dudes? I know Japanese Yaoi is for straight women (Japanese Bara is not), but if Meriken gay porn is for straight women, he’d probably be getting some really stupid half-cocked shit even if he was watching it, like with ‘lesbian’ porn.
I don’t know what this says about me, but I am actually more interested female-oriented dude slash like Yaoi than I am stuff that’s actually aimed at queer dudes.
Ethan strikes me as being more into the emotional aspect of sex than the physical, so maybe that’s why Amber’s stuff works for him.
It says exactly nothing, dun worry. It’s not predatory or otherwise soaking in privilege to enjoy porn not aimed at you. I’m curious, because it’s not something I’m aware of or can judge.
Gay porn is typically made in a similar mindset I’ve heard straight porn is(having never seen straight porn personally), in that it’s made entirely for the pleasure of one person(In straight porn, it’s men. In gay porn, it’s the top). It has very narrow ideas of the type of sex that should be had and who should do what, and pretty much skips over all the fun steps that would help the other partner actually enjoy what’s about to happen. But they’re often depicted as enjoying it* anyway, because if it’s good for the person fucking someone, it doesn’t really matter what the person being fucked thinks about it.
At least that’s been my experience.
*There are people who do enjoy sex like this. Nothing wrong with that, of course. But that should not be the default assumption.
Yes, gay porn is for gay dudes. The whole porn industry is dominated by what dudes want, and the majority of people still very firmly believe women don’t like sex.
Like, it’s getting better slowly? But… well I’ll let xkcd tell it. 30 Rock did a similar “”joke”” to the concept of the referenced book.
I guess it really depends on the particular porn, you know? Just like a lot of lesbian porn is actually aimed at men, a lot of gay porn is aimed at women. Most of the gay porn I look at is clearly meant for the female gaze, and I’ve had to look at “lesbian porn for lesbians” because I don’t find a lot of the porn meant for mean attractive.
But the gay porn I look at is mostly yaoi stuff. I don’t know about live action, that might be meant for men.
Yes, to be VERY clear, I mean the live-action stuff. The thing called “gay porn” in the mainstream conscience, filled with “porn stars”, not any of the wide variety of written (and sometimes drawn) smut.
Written smut has conversely got a long history of being by women, for women; “romance novels” are often filled with it, on top of the thriving slash fanfiction genre, and “yaoi” in all of its myriad forms. (Like there’s some amateur comics in Japan, and some styled after them made in other countries, and then there’s also professional manga and anime in the genre as well.)
Also, to clarify my clarification: not all live action porn is “mainstream”, there’s a lot of independent porn producers whose porn doesn’t follow the trends I described. There IS porn being created for women. It’s just extremely far from the majority.
Its possible that he watches only soft-core stuff with no actual sex. In another comic, he referenced looking at “pretty half-dressed men on the internet”.
In my extensive experience, you’d have to wade through a lot… like, A LOT, of hardcore stuff in order to find the softcore only. He’d be exposed to a broad spectrum of gay porn, even if most of it wasn’t anything he wanted to see. That’s the struggle of free porn sites.
Reminds me of the movie Ted 2, where every internet search ended up finding “black cocks”.
Yeah, I suspect hardcore sex probably dominates pr0n on the internet. He could just be looking at pictures. Or maybe something as sanitized as youtube. (Not sure if Indiana University would have any filters set up on their campus wifi.)
I like the fact that page is only “two degrees of Wikipedia” away from a picture of a dude having sex with a goat. 😐 Wikipedia is truly marvelous, sometimes. (And, apparently, Paul Avril was well-versed in various sex practices. O.o; )
When I saw the preview page, I thought it would involve Danny, so go me? But I thought it’d be one with Danny telling Ethan why he wants Ethan to get a boyfriend. So I was wrong on that front.
I like this page better than what I thought would happen.
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> you, uh, wouldn’t happen to want to try out some moves, would you
> asking for a friend
“Lots of perfectly straight men experiment with gay rumpy-pumpy action, I read it in Cleo”.
“It’s not really gay if you’re doing it to disprove someone else’s slashfic”
Exactly. It’s just journalism.
Oh so this is where your grav is from.
The two words that lead invariably to violence, sex, or violent sex in every fanfic should be Danny’s next sentence.
Prove it.
Those two words are what proves it? oh yeah?
Well…
Prove it.
Requesting proof for a friend >.>
How did you get a grav from that far ahead what even– you– There’s rules where you can’t talk about time travel, I bet. Well I know the truth! No use hiding it anymore! TELL ME YOUR SECRETS
Two words: Preview panels.
sniff
sob sob
I truly thought I’d found a time traveller… Why, cruel world!
We’re all traveling through time.
No, we’re traveling along with TIME
Nope, Time is travelling through us. We’re only ephemeral beings, doomed to finite lifespans. Time is infinite, it has the right of way so it travels through us, not the other way round.
Mind=blown, lol. 😛
Well hold on, no need to rule anything out…
“Maybe *we* should figure it, you know, as friends…” 😉
It’s only gay if the penises touch. Since yours will be in my butt, they won’t be touching. Nothing gay about that.
Or, my favorite, “It’s not gay if you say ‘good game’ afterward!”
What about “It’s only gay if our balls tough”? I’ve heard of that one. Don’t think it’ll work tho, no professor on meatsack biology, but I don’t think that’s how it works…
TouCH, not tough. LOL missed that one… 😛
IIRC that was originally a joke about threesomes.
If this comic goes in that direction even remotely, I will be so happy you don’t even know
Man I’ll be so happy if it makes them happy. I adore Ethan, and Danny deserves to be happy too even if he’s a little boring. I worry that them banging would only either lead to, or be caused by, total heartbreak though (It is The Willis. Good Things don’t happen to characters)
Not true. Becky got to see her dad in cuffs and got a girlfriend. The key is that a character must PAY DEARLY TO THE TRAGEDY GODS before they get any lasting happiness.
Except Walky. All he gets is grade troubles and an awesome girlfriend, and a free pass to not participate more than a little in others’ drama.
That is Walky’s superpower. He is Teflon Boy!
You say that, but I’m waiting for the third shoe to drop.
He only owns a single pair at a time. Pretty sure he doesnt hv a third shoe.
On his head, most likely
Next panel is both of them on youporn going “ooooh, that’s how it works” then Ethan spots Danny has, ahem, some trouble standing up…
Pornhub is where it’s at, mate
Or Xtube if you’re into weird shit.
Thankyooooooou, internet…
*Writes down info…*
What? Daniel the Human won’t let me sign up for any sites, so I gotta research Humans in other places… Now let’s see… *[Blocked]* What? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo…….!!!!
I should really just copy my husband’s browser history for you, Screwball. XD I told him our daughter’s not even allowed to use his computer anymore, because typing “yo” into his address bar automatically auto-completes with youporn now instead of youtube. :/
And no, mine doesn’t have that problem. :p “Yo” brings up youtube (and “d” brings up “dumbingofage,” but that’s a different story :p). I search for weird shit as a writer and artist, but it stays out of my auto-completes. :p
Haha. That’s pretty excellent, I’d forgotten about that as a thing modern era parents would have to deal with XD
Hasn’t your husband ever heard of incognito browsing?!
He can’t even keep viruses and malware off his computer, much less remember to set anything to incognito. :p
Daniel the Human’s got something called “Parental Controls” activated on this thing, I can’t get through. If this were Cybertronian tech, I’d get through easy, but your Human tech is just too different… 🙁
Sadly Pornhub won’t run on my old FF anymore (Firefox10.0 – because customization/control and SpeedDial). Still, I’m more partial to xHamster and XVideos anyway.
I’d think that that would lead to them slow-dancing.
Which would also be acceptable.
Motherless.com my friends. You’re welcome.
Peg-D inserts into Slot-A
“Here’s a brand new copy of the TJ & Amal Omnibus for reference”
“haha more like BJ and Anal amirite”
Danny: “Is it working?”
Ethan: “I’m not sure. Let me see that diagram again.”
Danny: “Says here, Slot-A.”
Ethan: “Well here’s our problem. These are the wrong instructions.”
Danny: “Then what have we been doing for the past hour?!”
They look at the perfectly assembled Ikea shelving unit that now stands in the middle of the room.
Danny: “I’m not an expert, but I don’t think that’s gay sex.”
Ethan (ecstatic): “It’s better! Now I can display all my Combiner Wars figures!”
http://imgur.com/cYQKqEs
XD Give this meatsack an internet or 2. If fact, give both the Doctor & Safgaftsa a few internets each… 😛
that is peak Ethan
You win several internets.
Gay sex mechanics are things that need to be worked out in video games.
I’m pretty sure you can find some. I’m not posting any links.
In my day you had to pick it up from dirty books.
You’ll figure it out if you fiddle around with the joystick a bit, I’m sure.
Hello, I’m from Sales; I hear you’re one of Legal’s golden boys.
You’d better not post links. Link is a gay swordsman! Not a gay mechanic!
So, Mario then? He’s a plumber, but, that’s closer.
Got it! Post Ratchet And Clanks!
How would that even work?
GDI, worst let-down ever. I saw “Ratchet” and for just a split second thought maybe someone had found Transformers porn I haven’t found yet. 🙁
Is that any relation to jiggle-physics?
I believe it’s called “dangle-physics”.
“Don’t worry, men have a yaoi hole”.
This was the best comment I’ve seen that reminds me of Anime with a trap that isn’t a trap, and a blonde with eroge obsession and a cute face while I’m sleep deprived.
Gotta admit, I certainly didn’t see that one coming.
“Hello sir. I’m the mechanic you called for. I hear your car isn’t running?”
“Yeah. I think it’s the crankshaft.”
“Well, let me take a look at it.”
“Here it is. Do you think you can help?”
“Yeah, I could crank that shaft.”
Bow chika bow-wow.
*Cue cheezy porn music here…*
“Do the…do the dicks ever touch each other?”
But it’s not truly gay until balls touch.
It’s not truly gay until balls touch what?
Anything. Therefore, Getting kicked in the balls is pretty gay.
S’like an over-the-clothes footjob.
Other balls of cause.
http://trev.id.au/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/IMG_1902.jpg
“The Iron Giant shows up:Ahh, there they were. Picks them up.”
Nice Callback.
I know a dude who, while having anal sex with another dude, stopped in the middle and said “oh no!!” and the other dude says “What? What??” and he says, “Our penises touched! That makes it GAY!!”
Dammit, I screwed up the joke. He said “our balls touched” which makes way more sense. Better luck next time, me.
Sure, it’s basically like hotdog swordfighting.
(Remembers crude jokes in middle school). Now that I think about it, I’m not sure when I found out what gay sex usually entails. Ethan might know more than me at the same age.
Well, gay sex isn’t just butt stuff.
Can I send Ethan some lube and a couple key websites from here? Because dude is going to be in trouble otherwise.
*refusesto play the first song that came to mind, as a service to you*
(It was from the soundtrack of Grease 2. Yeah, that bad.)
*finds Billy Joel’s “Sometimes A Fantasy” and plays it on the hacked Muzak*
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhJg1finpyU
The fact that you can watch the video on a smartphone now would been mind-blowing back in 1980.
And here I was going to go with the old staple of “The Bad Touch” by Bloodhound Gang. :p
Like the lost catacombs of Egypt only God knows where we stuck it…
Exactly! Though, I was looking for the WoW version from like a decade ago when I posted last night, but I couldn’t find it. (There are tons of them, but not the one that introduced me to the song. XDD)
You could go for the Fast and Furious OST.
I love that song.
Ethan is in touch with gay humanity.
Mostly his own.
Then he should’ve had the door locked.
A common mistake!
Innuendo bravissimo.
Reminds me of my obliviousness to why condoms are flavored.
“…are you supposed to eat them afterwards? Is that how you dispose of them?”
You’ve heard f vagina dentata? Well some women have vagina lingula.
Butter-menthol flavour helps prevent sore throats.
Tabasco didn’t make it out of the testing phase for, in hindsight, obvious reasons.
Yea. The hind would not be a sight to behold after using that one.
Do…you still need help with that one? >_>
Haha nope. See my reply to Marie for further info.
Is it that you didn’t know about oral, or that you still don’t get it because they taste like scented erasers half the time? (although, durex makes a non-flavoured one that sort of tastes like (and smells strongly of) earl grey for some reason)
Well now someone needs to word Picard saying “Tea, earl grey, hot.” into a fic.
A bit of both actually. Knew about oral, but not the unpleasantness of condom taste.
I KNEW IT. I knew I wasn’t imagining the condoms smelling like orange.
So, which ones are they?
“Dick. Earl Grey. Hot.”
“And lock the Holodeck doors.”
Are we sure that this isn’t some of Amber’s slashfic?
You can never be certain.
I’m actually wondering now if there’s going to be a reveal in the next two pages that this is all in somebody’s head.
Dumbing of Age is really Walkyverse!Amber’s slashfic, calling it now.
Everyone’s first fics were terrible. EVERYONE’S. There are deep, dark secrets of shame in every fic writer’s past. Schmoopy self-insert, 2nd person narration, questionable sex techniques. I’m sure Amber has evolved like all of us 😉
I’ve been spending literal years making some-2000 word stories from when I was 12 into readable, at least moderately respecting of canon, currently about 25000 (probably will best 35-40k) word stories with the same premise.
They’re not even popular, I just cannot leave them be. I’m like ‘but this was [these were] the first real thing I ever wrote I have to save it.’
I know what you mean I wrote some stuff as a middle and high schooler (not fanfic and not slash – boring old ordinary original fiction) which I have subsequently spent twenty years revisiting on and off in an attempt to take the characters (which were and still are pretty awesome) and put them into some sort of plot that, unlike in the original stories, both exists and doesn’t suck. It doesn’t help that even after all these years I remain terrible at coming up with plots. So far I’ve written two 190,000+ word books from them that are almost decent, but still haven’t finished the reclamation effort. I figure one more book and I can move on to the side-stories that also need reworking…
Sadly my embarrassing middle-school writer years predated the Internet so I was just filling up notebooks, and I left them behind when I went to college and my mum threw them out. 🙁
At least I don’t have these stupid, awful fics floating around the dark recesses of the Internet, I guess. They were well-spelled, at least (hey, ahead of the game, lol) but man…
I still remember one where my totally bad-ass female fighter (she had an eyepatch, yo!) stopped a bunch of violent thugs from attacking them by telling them about this one brothel where they’ll, like, do anything. Woo! Never mind beating up my new best friends; we’re off to a legendary brothel where they will do anything. You know, unlike every other brothel out there. Sex solves everything!
Oh man.
Mine predated the internet, but not wordperfect 1.0, so my first story was typed and saved. (It was for a middle school writing class, but was so long I turned it in a second time to the same class for full credit. And due to recent recovery efforts I have readable copy of it! It’s…pretty bad. No sex in it though for obvious reasons.) My second story, the first one that was semi-decent, had a semi-semblance of a plot, and which introduced all my favorite characters – that was two hundred plus pages written out in longhand. Which I actually still have, because I’m not quite a hoarder but am close enough. No sex in it either, because I was raised in prude-country and other people knew about it, plus I was pretty incompetent about sexy stuff. Heck, even today my books are basically family-appropriate (aside from the teen swearing, which is way toned down but still drives my family away) – with its deplorable lack of homosexual sexytimes my stuff definitely would never gain traction with the internet community.
Oh I know those. The stories that linger. I have an original fiction I’ve been on-and-off working on for 15 years lol. I think we all have those.
But every writer evolves over time and if you write new stuff for a different fandom or even new stuff in the same fandom, you’re always gonna be better now than when you started 😉
I had some of my poetry published in my university’s annual literary/art magazine. Looking back on it now it is ridiculously pretentious and overwrought. I don’t k now who is worse, me for writing it or the editorial staff for selecting it for publication.
Speak for yourself, my fic is pretty good, if the reviews are anything to go by. Though to be fair, I started publishing only some months ago.
I should probably add that it isn’t a slashfic. Are we only talking about slashfics? Because I haven’t written one of those yet.
I’ve never event written a slashfic. I’m a boring person though.
I’ve basically never written anything that *wasn’t* slashfic lol. (some gen stuff, but even my gen stuff is always kinda slashy/femslashy lol)
My first fanfic won an online contest against more than a dozen competetors.
I am so, so glad that my first fic(s) pre-dates the internet.
and then someone completely random walks in and starts talking about the history of the term slash, beginning with ye olde star trek fandom
which in my experience always happens when people talk about slash fiction
oh god i’m that person
No, you are the demons.
And then John was a zombie.
Which is why you have to shoot rockets into his head to win Doom 2.
I explained K/S in one of my fics. XD We’re monsters. 😀
Everyone has some ideas, Ethan.
Insert penis into male, right? I know the insert penis into female method wasn’t working anyway!
“I mean I’ve seen a bunch of gay porn, so…”
It goes in the pooper
You dip your dick in the toilet? Well if it’s on the internet it must be true.
I wouldn’t be surprised if such a video existed somewhere on the internet.
Well, now it does.
I guess that kind of thing fits in the “fetish” category.
Name anything. There’s a fetish for it.
Ducks?
Quantum Physics?
Dude, there’s Daffy. Of course there’s 34 of any Looney Tunes character, they’ve been around forever.
He said “anything”, and believe you me, he wasn’t kidding.
http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=715
Um….Is there a fetish for eyes being ripped apart by fish hooks, and then eaten by turtles?
We need a search engine specializing in answering these questions. The Rule Search Engine.
inqntrol, my first fanfic was about Darkwing Duck. Ducks are definitely a thing. :p (I don’t still have some lingering nostalgic love for Negaduck that still gets a little inappropriate at times. I don’t. I definitely don’t still look for not-exactly-child-friendly art of him. Sometimes. .__.)
I know this is a joke, but even gay porn is a horrible suggestion of how gay sex works. (Hint: They leave out all the unsexy stuff you need to do before and after)
You just stick it in the guy’s Yaoi hole!
W-what do you mean guys don’t have a yaoi hole!?
Sure they do. It’s the hole that makes them shout “Yaoi!” When you put your penis inside it
I think they shot “Yowwie”. Not the same.
Oh my god, They shot Yowwie!
YOU BASTARDS.
Yowwie shot first.
What if they all shot in the same time?
I think that is called bukkake.
This happens when you don’t lube up first
*obligatory mike penis nickle comment*
“in her fics it says that they are all sweaty every time, I’m not sure I can sweat on command like that though.” ~<3
Dear lord the bad fanfic porn. I’ve screamed so many times when authors don’t use some sort of lube it’s become a litmus test.
Screaming due to lack of lube is an unfortunately common problem, I hear.
Okay, I’m just going to say it and then never speak of it again: The prevalence of soap as a lube in fic once resulted in one of the worst experiences of my life.
Seriously. Just use lube in your stories, guys. I can’t believe how many times I’ve head-desked over spit or sweat as ‘lube’ and don’t get me started on the time it was tears. Tears as lube. I s2g.
LOL If you ever find that “tears as lube” fic again, I think you need to submit the relevant passage to fanfiction_txt on Twitter. XD
It’s been a while since chemistry class, but I never had to use lube when doing a litmus test.
Well you were probably just doing softcore science. In hardcore science one should always use lube.
Everyone kept their pants on, so yes, you’re probably right.
PSA: Anal sex is not the only kind of man-with-man sex. Lots of men solely prefer oral, for example, and never have anal. The More You Know!
As a straight man I can say I’d also strictly prefer that. Lady parts look unappealing to me.
What is your sexuality, if you don’t mind my asking? Straight but with a preference for no PnV?
This is definitely a personal question so feel free to ignore but your comment made me curious
I’m straight but I’m way more into the concept of getting HJs, BJs, and other non penetration stuff than actual penetration. I’m very selfish I guess. Then again I’m also extra virgin so y’know. Take what I say with a grain of salt.
It’s only selfish if you don’t return the favor. Learn how to give oral, and/or use your hands. Or at least the basic mechanics. I’ve actually known a marriage counselor who said “Absolutely no PIV sex for a while” as part of her recommendations (Like, sex is fine, but no PIV), which apparently helped greatly.
Like, I’m not saying be an expert, but you can totally have great sex without penetration. To the extent I can make a recommendation, it’d be Mira’s yuri stuff. She gets plenty explicit, and while it’s lesbians, it’s also, you know, not PIV (And often not a dildo either). The mechanics shouldn’t be that different for a man than a woman.
Bu-But I’m not an anime.
What if I’m not Kawaii enough!?
But yeah it’s only fair to return the favor. Which is why for the time being I’m gonna put it off. I’m too much of a giant baby.
Uh, I think you may have a rather one-sided interpretation of oral here, if you think it means you avoid the lady parts entirely.
Fair enough. I’m selfish to the core.
Hell, the buttsex only view is so prevalent even some gay dudes think that’s all there is to it. They don’t even know what frot is! 🙁
I know how gay sex works! According to Mary we just need to get a bible and shit all over it!
You need to give Willis the rights to this comment so he can make it a comic
Are you a Bo Burnham fan by any chance?
Right about next Christmas (not the one coming next week), the one in 2016, maybe these two will have managed to explore what they both have been wanting to do ever since Danny fell on Ethan -by accident.
Or maybe Ethan will be back in the closet and Danny will be sleeping with Walky. There’s a thought.
I feel like there’s many many versions of that scenario that’d break Amber’s heart so keep that in mind.
That’s a really precise prediction.
If Amazi Girl does break up with Danny (I can’t see vice verse happening. Danny can’t even break off his friendship with Joe) I can’t see him going directly to Ethan.
I can’t really see Amazi-Girl breaking up with Danny either, Amber’s been really using him as a pillar of support.
…Wait, what came out of the Danny-Amber interaction after Amber told him what had happened? Wasn’t he going to tell her one of his sexual secrets?
He kissed her and she got furious at him for cheating on Amazi-Girl and got all Blaine-like. Then she ran off.
Danny and Amazi Girl dating seems pretty reliant on Amber holding onto the persona as a perfect version of herself. Only the perfect Amazi Girl deserves a boyfriend. And Amber is very insistent that Amazi Girl never fails. That’s not a setup for something that will end well.
And Amber ran away from Danny after she exploded with anger at him for kissing her while she was out of the Amazi Girl persona. Which means he didn’t get the chance to come out to her. And it should be noted that the if his conversation with Dorothy is anything to go by, one of the reasons he hasn’t confided in Amber about the bisexuality thing is because he’s scared with how she’ll react.
Only the perfect Amazi Girl deserves a boyfriend.
The irony of this is that Danny has learned from his parents him having a girlfriend is the only thing that earns him any respect at all.
You know what they say! It’s not gay if it’s a threeway!
Get Joe in on this!
Not even the devil’s threeway
this is a pact with satan, hades, and all the other guys down there
“down there”
geddit
Holy shit a Joe/Danny/Ethan threeway would be marvelous. But I dunno if Joes would be into it. *sheds a tear*
Heh heh, you said “into it”.
Never have I wanted so badly for two men to have smexytimes, and I work on frickin’ hentai
this is your doing, willis
Oh god his tiny eyes. I can’t not think of soggies when looking at his tiny eyes.
“The Mechanics of Gay Sex” is my Village People cover band.
“Amber’s Old SlashFic” is my Guns N’ Roses cover band.
“Tales of Sinterest” is my Nirvana cover band.
The Penises Touch is my Bloodhound Gang cover band… No, wait, I think that was actually the title of one of their songs.
But do you guys realize this means Danny has read Amber’s NEWER slash fic?
Well he did say he heard Amber’s Steve/Bucky fics like 30 times a few strips back.
But the last time it included a cucumber. Boys neec their vitamin K.
*need
Unless she thought Bucky and Steve would react to it the way cats do? (inb4 another round of “don’t post cruelty to cats” .__.)
Oh my god when, HOW DID I MISS THAT???
Bad Ethan! Old badfic is shown to friends in the strictest of confidence! You don’t show anyone that shit without permission!
I come at just the right time… https://gyazo.com/cfbbda746d01481e376ba80bb600b20d
Sometime during the last paragraph, you mean?
I’ll bet you do.
I remember reading “The Penises Touch.”
It’s a tale that’s frot with feelings and intimacy.
I’ll be here all week.
wow
…Nice.
Someone dock that man’s pay.
…ness. Because docking. 😀
I see what you did there.
‘Gay Sex Mechanics’
Sounds like a good name for a rock band.
Or a pretty awesome job.
I can imagine that being a job in the physics department.
“Oh you were looking for the Quantum mechanics department, its down the hall and to the left”
*screams*
“Oh sorry! I meant the right!”
New Big Bang Theory joke.
I’m not female, a middle schooler in the Internet age, or into man on man fanfic, so somebody tell me: Isn’t that a little early to be reading slashfic to say nothing of writing it? I’m just thinking Amber’s love of written man-on-man goes *ahem* deeper than most women’s given that history, and that when the possibility of an Amber-Danny-Ethan three way comes up that’ll make it all the more confusing for her. We all know it eventually will and and, Willis being Willis, it’s only going to be sweaty and passionate in the worst ways.
I mean, I’m none of those things either, but that’s at least the right time to have the kinds of feelings that lead to reading or writing it. (And for all we know, the ‘grasps of the mechanics of gay sex’ might just be ‘and they touched each other’s butts’ or something).
That’s only a little bit early at most. If you’re sufficiently precocious, into creative fandom, and have enough unsupervised access to the Internet, you can totally be reading and writing smutfic in your preteens and early teens. I think I published my first smutfic on fanfiction.net at age 15 (I have since deleted it because wow it was terrible, so that’s a best estimate – and says nothing for any unpublished forays into smutfic that I might have written earlier).
I was totally writing fanfic between the ages of thirteen and fifteen, and reading smut (albeit guiltily and terrified I would go to hell). Took me a few more years to get over my shame and guilt hangups to be able to start incorporating slash/femslash, but I imagine the less neurotic types (and/or people who aren’t repressing their queerness like I was) could easily be writing by then.
If you think that’s early for a girl to be reading or writing slashfic, you don’t know much about the fanfiction community! It’s very much not. I think most girls get into fandom around that age, which leads to the regrettable instance of being just old enough to be into sex and young enough to still have no sense of maturity in dealing with that or other heavy subjects (abuse, BDSM, you name any dark shit and slash fangirls will have written it).
Yeah, although everyone I knew outgrew it if they learned it at all, it certainly does set up a super shakey foundation to understanding rape with the whole ‘hot forceful sex and actually you end up really liking the guy” thing, among other things to do with unhealthy relationships (especially in anime fandoms since a lot of animes geared at that age-ish have weird violent fights that are about the girl and usually possessive), and writing of women as super clueless because they think they guy who says ‘baka onna’ is super hot.
You say that like women aren’t violently possessive in anime too. (IE Any harem anime EVER)
Though I’m not a girl, I have read from multiple sources that some women (and by “some” I mean “more than half of women polled”, plus Ayn Rand) find rape hot.
Let me clarify.
It’s not *being* raped that’s hot, it’s the *idea* of being raped. Women who have rape fantasies want all of the spicy sexiness of being overpowered against their will without all of the messy consent, fear, and trauma.
If you really think about it, it makes sense: most girls find power sexy, whether it’s physical power, financial power, or sexual power.
There’s also a level of the old double standard – “You’re a bad girl if you do that”. So, in fantasies, rape takes away the guilt feelings, since you didn’t choose to do it.
It is, or at least was, common in genre romance as well, particularly the more formula stuff.
That’s partially true, but it’s also partially an invention of harlequin. It’s important to remember that the people who make the decision on what to publish are still old white dudes. They tend to nix a lot of the stuff that doesn’t fit the model. Plenty of self-published porn (‘erotica’, but let’s be real) doesn’t bother with rape. Plenty still does, mind! But it’s less common than stereotypes indicate.
Mm. Not going to go too deep into it, but that whole thing is a lot more complicated than the surveys usually dive into. Part of it is that a lot of women have been raped and for a portion of survivors, rape fantasies are a way of going back and removing the worst part (the robbing of autonomy) by putting themselves in charge of when and how it ends.
Another part is that what is marketed and presented in sexual materials that young women will often find frequently portray things like stalking, rape, and obsession as sexy. This means that there is often cultural pressure to follow suit, which leads the general culture to assume that that’s just what women want. If all your depictions of what is a “sexy guy” show guys who don’t accept no or who show up in your home in the middle of the night or so on, then you usually just assume oh, okay, that’s what hot must be in a similar way that most people assume sex is supposed to hurt the first time (it’s not) or that the hymen is some “freshness seal” that sex must break (also not).
This is not to say that rape fantasies aren’t a thing for some women and that these often are complicated feelings for said women that don’t correspond to their desire to be in relationships that are abusive or rapey.
But rather that the presumed universality has a little more to do with how things are marketed and sold as well as stereotypes and assumptions with regards to what women find hot that more match up with what men already are using to compare and rank themselves rather than what women are saying they find hot (like say, the social idea that women love aggressive and muscular when a lot of the depictions of sexy that get passed around among heterosexual women and are popular among them tend to have a lot more depictions of more androgynous and lithe looking guys who are at least making an outward show of being sensitive and emotionally caring (even creepy stalker extraordinaire Edward makes a lot of noise about how “conflicted” and full of feelings he is and is described more in terms of his softer features)).
What thejeff and Rutee say also fits into it. A fantasy where one can say one was swept away so it wasn’t like one was really sexually horny and wanting a tumble is going to be marketed more because of our social attitudes towards women having sexualities and thus more women are going to feel social pressure to hide or deflect their attractions under these weasel word rules they’re told to follow.
I was just thinking of the apparent audience of “Twilight”… Pretty sure it’s the same as the slashfic demographic. Hell, what with Jacob and Edward, I guarantee there’s a healthy amount of overlap.
And you are very right with that assumption.
See history of “Fifty Shades of Grey”.
You’re correct too, yes, and there was also weird romanticized stuff in that field (such as super violent ‘tsundere’, and not necessarily in universes where the characters had nigh-infinite health)
Middle schoolers love porn. We pretend that they’re innocent and tell them not to do it but yeah. They’re totally into that kinda stuff.
When I was in middle school, Internet port was a covert affair. You had one computer in the house, often as not, and it took up the phone line when you connected, and made a sound like a blender having angry sex with an auto tune machine in the process. It was like a techno thriller spy movie to get your tween want materials.
In ages before, middle schoolers would resort to underwear catalogues, swimsuit magazines, and faded periodicals handed down from on high by their one friend’s unemployable weird uncle.
Or so the legends have it.
The legends are true.
That’s no exaggeration about the catalogs, either. I’m amazed at how easily I had been turned on as a teen by what are relatively tame images by today’s standards. Back then I could get it up for a Barbie doll.
also known as the Before Time.
I remember at twelve thinking my dad was some sort of wizard because he could tell what links I’d clicked.
Incidentally, thank goodness for netscape for avoiding browser pornfic blocks.
Nowadays thanks to private browsing, you don’t need to worry about others checking your history, heh heh.
JCPenney’s lingerie section was where it was at, if you were a chick into chicks and your parents were controlling, homophobic, and monitored computer use down to keystroke loggers and password crackers. :p
When I was in middle school, Internet ports were 20/21 (FTP), 23 (Telnet), but mostly 25 (SMTP).
80 (HTTP) wasn’t invented back then.
Yup, puberty often means sexual awakening, so kids start looking around for stuff on that and at that age porn is pretty much all that’s around.
This comes with the unfortunate side effect that by the time we realize that kids might have sexual desires and questions and start trying to teach sex ed, they’ve already absorbed a lot of terrible messages and advice from porn tropes (and that’s for all kids. This is also why a lot of slashfic often has… questionable sexual bits in them, like not really understanding what lube is or what a good material for lube would be).
I remember hearing of one that said they “did lube” because the author appeared to be under the assumption lube was a sex act.
And given the prevalence of abstinence-only sex ed and lack of information about gay sex at all, you get… well, bad porn fanfics written by twelve-year-olds with no understanding of anatomy.
Maybe, but it’s not at all uncommon, based on my knowledge of me and my friends, as well as folks I met online or read from, or who read my stuff, although I actually didn’t write slash exactly (a friend helped with sex scenes. She was the same age as me, just less worried about sounding dumb, especially since it was under my name. I pretty much just set up how it started and what the ending would lead into).
also I’m curious what you meant by “I’m just thinking Amber’s love of written man-on-man goes *ahem* deeper than most women’s”
He means the dudes are going deeper ifyouknowwhatImean.
I think he’s assuming that most women who are into dude on dude start liking that stuff later in life. I’m with Amber here. I’ve always found dude on dude attractive.
I think he means he thinks Amber would be into watching her boyfriend with a dude in real life? But that’s just a guess.
Samesies.
And Li, maybe, but I’d say he’d be mistaken. She might be turned on by the idea, but I can’t see her actually being into it.
I am a girl and started reading and writing slashfic around the age of 11 or 12, so it doesn’t seem strange at all to me.
I’m starting to wish I’d written smut at twelve. Maybe then I’d be good at it now. I’m eighteen and can’t even write kissing without feeling super self-conscious.
I read erotic fanfic when I was twelve. I was writing it at thirteen. Yeah, it’s a thing. Definitely more prevalent and better written when you’re older, but that’s right when the hormones are starting to kick in and there’s that thrill of writing down the filthiest things you can think of. So, someone touching a boob, basically.
Or Mike touching the boob, with his penis, for a nickle.
I was writing romantic fanfiction when I was a teenage girl. **shrug** Now, it was non-explicit and all about love and relationship and stuff. Of course, I was more into writing the girl-on-girl than the man-on-man, but I did have some friends and fellow writers into the yaoi scene.
As far as I know, slashfiction is almost exclusively the purview of teenage girls.
Nope! Well, you could count a lot of us as former teenage girls, I suppose.
Every year approximately twelve articles come out about how women and girls love and consume a lot of gay porn (both in video and in writing) and yet people are somehow still surprised about this lmao.
“but you’re supposed to be pure and innocent and demure and…”
“pfft, fuck no.”
It may well make it more confusing for her, but not necessarily any better. Thinking man-on-man is hot doesn’t mean you want your boyfriend and your ex to get together.
Or make threesomes any more likely to work out well.
THANK YOU. It’s like the whole ‘oh you’re bi so you obviously want to have a threesome’ thing. Amber might not even be into the idea of a threesome–I know I’m not. I’m too monogamous for that. Like, I get worried saying possessive, but that might be the better term. Amber might be the same way. And I dunno if Ethan would want to be in a threesome with a girl, much less his best friend.
Oh yeah, a threesome would end tragically there. It would, ironically, be all about making Danny feel better. afaik, and tbf this isn’t by personal experience (My wife is definitely too possessive, and I might be too; note, this bare minimum of ‘I want monogamy’ is not exactly a bad level of possessieness), but you want all participants into each other. Which either sucks for Ethan, or sucks for Ethan and Amber (She’d like to hit that, but would be emotionally tormented). Danny/Ethan/Amber threesomes are the thing I don’t get, even from the perspective of ‘all bi people want threesomes’.
Speaking as someone that has read a lot of the very worst fanfic as research. (yes, research – I made fanficmaker.com [/plug]). I would gauge while most were from older, there was certainly “dirty” stuff I read from surprisingly young.
One other vague “pattern” seems to be the younger you go the more incline you are not just for author-inserts, but also to put all your friends in as well.
I kinda hope they kiss.
Right now? Cuz that’d be bad.
Like really bad that would not only bring back all the old drama but multiply it x10
Danny may be pretty worried about something else, right now.
I don’t think Danny would do that to Amber, and I most definitely do not think that Ethan would do that to Amber. I will however be very interested in them when Danny and Amber call it quits. Yep, I said when.
Nice to know that these two can bond over slashfic and still be (at this point) just friends.
Mostly I’m just glad that Danny can acknowledge that he’s interested in dude action. Given how completely lost he previously was, it’s a healthy step.
That meetup may hv helped. They both seemed to hv worked out their awkwardness during that meeting.
Yeah, it’s sad that he can actually talk about it with Ethan, actually show legitimate interest in queer fiction, but thinks that bringing it up to Amber will ruin things.
I’m hoping that he’ll eventually tell her.
Wait a minute. This isn’t the time for good humoured japes and sexy fanfic.
Stay on target, Dan!
Japes!
Undertale!
Papyrus!
Yeah!
Really ? Because you seem to not be willing to admit for what ever fucking reason.
“Perhaps you’d be willing to give me some lessons?”
I like how “feels” is in quotes. Ethan, honey. No.
Then again, I have this terrible feeling that Danny question pertains to Amber’s shit fit, and I’d much rather they talk about slashfic and shipping for fifty strips than even go near that subject.
Sigh. I just want these two to be happy.
*that Danny’s question, damn you apostrophes!
I mean, that’s kinda why he’s here. His girlfriend, and Ethan’s best friend, is having a breakdown. It’d be kind of weird if he just ignored that.
He probably just thinks it’s his fault for not following her rules.
I’m going to go ahead and say that “I ruined things with Amber! I better go hang out with that guy I associate with ruining things with Amber!” is not Danny’s thought process.
But they’re buds now, Danny talks and Ethan listens!
Yeah, I don’t know what mellowing out Danny did over the timeskip, but it’s nice to see him be able to actually talk to Ethan, about slash of all things, and not freak out and think he’s compelled to cheat.
Anyway, Danny just became aware of the extent of Amber’s problems. I can’t think of any reason other than that for why he’d swing by to talk to Ethan, who knows more about Amber than anyone.
I don’t think he’s here to fuck Ethan because he’s upset with Amber. In fact, somehow, Danny doesn’t even appear to be mad at her at all. I feel like he came here to talk about Amber, and they got distracted by the slashfic.
I think that’s what you meant anyway.
they talk about slashfic and shipping for fifty strips
But i prefer my daily DoA in color!
[“Oh, I have some ideas too…” Danny said softly, his eyes lingering for a moment too long on Ethan’s glorious man-chest.
“Really,” Ethan said, only briefly pondering the mystery of why their pants suddenly had dissipated. “why don’t you show me?”
And then they took their things and they did things with…]
CTRL-W, DON’T SAVE
“What is WRONG with me?” Amber muttered, furiously blushing.
Canon.
Yup, 100% canon.
“And then they took their things and they did things with”
That reminds me, I once saw a fanfic that wrote;
“He put his sex in her sex and they had sex”
I once saw one that was “He put her weewee in her hoohaa
If it was a Hymmel the humming hymnal-fic I bet it was written by Joyce.
That leaves “bad description”-territory and becomes rather poetic in a dada kind of way.
pretty sure that was my immortal or a my immortal reference so im not certain it counts
Spot on. XD
I know we have never seen it in comic, but has Ethan had sex with another guy yet?
He hasn’t been with anybody since he came out to Amber.
He hasn’t done anything at all yet.
Panel three freaks me out! Cartoon convention or no, small eyes on Ethan are just wrong!
There’s a mum near me who writes a lot (like, a lot) of slashfic. Her gay son has publicly (as in, a local newspaper article) said she knows way more about the mechanics of gay sex than he. Heh.
Apparently she is super supportive, and I mean that sincerely, although it is also hilarious because she will apparently offer him tips.
So, like Mike’s father 😀
Willis, ( per the alt-text ) Please make this a docking slipshine.
“Could you demonstrate these ideas?”
“…”
[SLIPSHINE ENSUES]
My wife and I had a baby girl today. 108 picked the correct date in the pool. Good job guys.
😀
Babies! Congrats!
yay !
Congrats! Hope your wife and daughter are doing well!
Congratulations!
PS: 108
Does this mean he doesn’t watch porn? Although I guess porn isn’t the greatest of references…
Also it’s fairly easy to at least GUESS at what two dudes might get up to in the bedroom, but I suppose that since he’s a virgin, the theory might not be what actually is put into practice.
I would guess he does watch porn. http://www.dumbingofage.com/2015/comic/book-5/03-the-butterflies-fly-away/forthright/
Ethan’s felt a lot of guilt and repression about his sexuality so chances are he hasn’t looked up a lot and is only lately getting more into it.
…Is gay porn for gay dudes? I know Japanese Yaoi is for straight women (Japanese Bara is not), but if Meriken gay porn is for straight women, he’d probably be getting some really stupid half-cocked shit even if he was watching it, like with ‘lesbian’ porn.
I don’t know what this says about me, but I am actually more interested female-oriented dude slash like Yaoi than I am stuff that’s actually aimed at queer dudes.
Ethan strikes me as being more into the emotional aspect of sex than the physical, so maybe that’s why Amber’s stuff works for him.
It says exactly nothing, dun worry. It’s not predatory or otherwise soaking in privilege to enjoy porn not aimed at you. I’m curious, because it’s not something I’m aware of or can judge.
I’ve met several gay/bi/pan dudes in slash circles, it’s okay! <3
“Is gay porn for gay dudes”? Such a simple question on the face of it.
The answer is yes, with caveats.
Gay porn is typically made in a similar mindset I’ve heard straight porn is(having never seen straight porn personally), in that it’s made entirely for the pleasure of one person(In straight porn, it’s men. In gay porn, it’s the top). It has very narrow ideas of the type of sex that should be had and who should do what, and pretty much skips over all the fun steps that would help the other partner actually enjoy what’s about to happen. But they’re often depicted as enjoying it* anyway, because if it’s good for the person fucking someone, it doesn’t really matter what the person being fucked thinks about it.
At least that’s been my experience.
*There are people who do enjoy sex like this. Nothing wrong with that, of course. But that should not be the default assumption.
Yes, gay porn is for gay dudes. The whole porn industry is dominated by what dudes want, and the majority of people still very firmly believe women don’t like sex.
Like, it’s getting better slowly? But… well I’ll let xkcd tell it. 30 Rock did a similar “”joke”” to the concept of the referenced book.
Not too surprising
I guess it really depends on the particular porn, you know? Just like a lot of lesbian porn is actually aimed at men, a lot of gay porn is aimed at women. Most of the gay porn I look at is clearly meant for the female gaze, and I’ve had to look at “lesbian porn for lesbians” because I don’t find a lot of the porn meant for mean attractive.
But the gay porn I look at is mostly yaoi stuff. I don’t know about live action, that might be meant for men.
Yes, to be VERY clear, I mean the live-action stuff. The thing called “gay porn” in the mainstream conscience, filled with “porn stars”, not any of the wide variety of written (and sometimes drawn) smut.
Written smut has conversely got a long history of being by women, for women; “romance novels” are often filled with it, on top of the thriving slash fanfiction genre, and “yaoi” in all of its myriad forms. (Like there’s some amateur comics in Japan, and some styled after them made in other countries, and then there’s also professional manga and anime in the genre as well.)
Also, to clarify my clarification: not all live action porn is “mainstream”, there’s a lot of independent porn producers whose porn doesn’t follow the trends I described. There IS porn being created for women. It’s just extremely far from the majority.
I look forward to the day when women get their own porn.
Its possible that he watches only soft-core stuff with no actual sex. In another comic, he referenced looking at “pretty half-dressed men on the internet”.
http://www.dumbingofage.com/2015/comic/book-5/02-threes-a-crowd/tacit/
In my extensive experience, you’d have to wade through a lot… like, A LOT, of hardcore stuff in order to find the softcore only. He’d be exposed to a broad spectrum of gay porn, even if most of it wasn’t anything he wanted to see. That’s the struggle of free porn sites.
He’s probably just looking at pictures.
Reminds me of the movie Ted 2, where every internet search ended up finding “black cocks”.
Yeah, I suspect hardcore sex probably dominates pr0n on the internet. He could just be looking at pictures. Or maybe something as sanitized as youtube. (Not sure if Indiana University would have any filters set up on their campus wifi.)
If you want a site that is dominated by softporn, just enter en.wikipedia.org (Uh, maybe not this page – definitely not safe for work).
I like the fact that page is only “two degrees of Wikipedia” away from a picture of a dude having sex with a goat. 😐 Wikipedia is truly marvelous, sometimes. (And, apparently, Paul Avril was well-versed in various sex practices. O.o; )
It’s so weirdly sweet that they both read her slashfic.
“Do you know the mechanics of gay sex?”
“Yes, and I know some sexy, gay mechanics?”
Ha! One leads to another.
I love Ethan’s expression in the last panel.
I just assumed it worked like a Star Wars light saber battle.
Complete with the exact same noises.
“I see your Schwartz is as big as mine!”
Try this. “Your [noun phrase of your choice] is as big as mine!” Leer if you have to.
Rub your thing on his tummy.
Ethan, you have no idea what a great setup Danny is giving you here.
Carpe diem!
I’d call it a straight line but that would muddle the issue
When I saw the preview page, I thought it would involve Danny, so go me? But I thought it’d be one with Danny telling Ethan why he wants Ethan to get a boyfriend. So I was wrong on that front.
I like this page better than what I thought would happen.
Yep. Healthy Danny who can show a legitimate interest in something queer without thinking it’s a travesty is best Danny.
We have context for the blushing Ethan panel!
This Danny/ Ethan interaction has the potential to go on some interesting directions.