… well you can cross that one off your bucket list … and if you wanted to scare someone to death at the same time you may well have succeeded already … I’ve twitched every time she’s popped into view …
I share omens’ opinion, and palpation suggests that my eyeballs are still lodged in my skull. Some of us just have a fondness for things that can cause hurt; the world could use more Hagrids.
I now desperately want either a fanfiction or an art of this. I am not sure which. Either one has the potential to either be amazing or scare me for life.
… Then again, it’s fanfiction/art. So it could do both!
…So is his cock also perfectly half-and-half like the rest of him
Does each side get erect separately to different turn-ons
Do his left arm and right arm have to fight each other to grip said cock or does he somehow reconcile both of his halves long enough to jack it double-handed
Do his two halves reach climax separately like some kind of demented double-barreled-shotgun penis
I’m pretty sure there’d be a lot of coin flipping involved before he could even decide what to look at, never mind if he’s actually aroused or not. I’m sure there’s a pun here somewhere about flipping heads but I’m too tired to think of one.
Apparently some people prefer some clothing left on, lets their imagination run wild…
Plus, considering he’s living in the dorm room for most of the year, wouldn’t that make it kinda his home? Plus he’s been repressing for a while now too, right? So I guess that kinda means he could be going home THEN going hard…
You realize that these euphemisms are pretty much all referring to male masturbation? The only comparable term for female masturbation that I’ve ever heard is “playing the slots”.
Your assignment is to come up with some other ‘descriptive’ phrases for female self-pleasure.
I’ve heard “Polishing the pearl” for the ladies, but since it’s Ethan being talked about here, “Polishing the flagpole” is more in line with what he’ll do (or rather wants to do…)
Marika — point taken; I was just commenting on all the various phrases guys seem to have developed (and use) to refer to ‘beating the bishop’ or ‘spanking the monkey’. I truly was not aware that the females had so many to choose from (thanks, Shmuel).
“Oh, good, Jacob, you’re working again. I got you some soundproof headphones and a sleep mask, just cause. No reason, really. You should try them out right now!”
Usually. Lately, there have been a few repeat titles (hence the title text). You can find them by going back and looking for a “2” in the URL after the strip title. There might even be a few “3”‘s, but I don’t think Willis is that desperate yet.
Sometimes a 2 happens if I need to move a strip around. Once you create a URL, even if you delete that URL’s comic, that URL can’t be recycled for another comic, so a number is thrown on to disambiguate.
Occasionally he has modified a comic if there was a spelling mistake of the speech bubble was pointing to the wrong person, heck in one comic of his, he added an Aryan Jesus cos The Doctor mentioned that particular comic wouldn’t be quite complete without him.
I think it’s well established that Ethan likes Dick.
After Danny’s conversation with Ethan about looking like Nightwing, I think it’s safe to say that Danny likes Dick, too.
Hope you’re not a picky eater! Dick’s is also in Spokane, if I recall correctly, but that’s it. No Dick’s outside of Washington State! How the hell do the rest of you guys procreate?
Usually yes, sometimes it’s a phrase. When Marcie signs in the strip, the title is usually a transcipt of what she’s signing. On the rare occasion that there’s a strip without dialogue Willis just makes a title.
By the end of the year, she’s 6 meters tall & has unlocked the transformation skill…
…A few months later, she’s 9 meters, helped her friends level up enough so she can use her latest skill, allowing her to join in the Combiner Wars as a team with them…
Oh, man, Ethan expresses his own preferences and sticks by them, AND he and Joyce say mutually respectful and communicative things to each other? Willis, how the hell did you fit this much awesome into one strip?
Wow. Wow. I cannot stop loving every panel of this. I have all the feels right now. Dude. My day is made.
It’s surely the nicest breakup Willis will give us in the foreseeable future. Any other couples break up and there’s going to be rending of garments and pounding of chests, both among the characters and in the audience.
My mistake; I was remembering 64 as the inverse of 63 – male versions of female characters like Samus Aran and Princess Peach, where 63 is female versions of males like Link and Mario.
…again, I got nothing. They both said what needed to be said, they confirmed to each other that the relationship was, in fact, over, they made sure they separated on good terms and build a foundation for a potential friendship.
Good communication, kids. (Just make sure to tell the others that you have broken up, Joyce. You don’t want any misunderstandings).
You don’t have to open up unless you don’t want to, Ethan, but I would be happy if you stop roping other people into living your lie. And pretty men on internet seems like an awesome idea for the night.
Yeah, the most important thing now really is for Joyce to tell people the relationship is over. The one thing I could see complicating it is that she might not want to out Ethan (despite having already done so to Dorothy).
Also bear in mind that she would probably have to re-tell the story to Billie. And Sarah.
…That’s how Billie is going to find out Ethan is gay, isn’t it? Her fantasies of dude mack might lead to her trying to play matchmaker again.
Yeah, that’s a complication – and it’s one of the reasons it was such a bad idea for Ethan to get into a relationship with Joyce. It made her his secret keeper, and now she has to carry that burden and deal with the extra problems.
It’ll be fairly awkward for Joyce, sure, but I’m trying to think of just how many people she’ll actually have to keep his secret from. Not Sarah, of course, and not Dorothy or Walky anymore. With everyone else, even Becky, some variation on “We realized we just don’t have that much in common” might be okay in the short term.
Yeah, with her personalty, I’m deathly afraid that Becky’ll take it upon herself to drag Ethan out of the closet then dynamite the thing so he can’t go back inside. As necessary as getting him out of the closet is, he needs to do it at his own pace.
While this is a concern pretty much everyone who cares whether Ethan is gay or not already knows. Everyone else will just tune Becky out like they did when she outted herself.
Ethan cares whether Ethan is gay or not, and that is all that matters right now. Yes, he needs to realize that no one else does (except his parents of course, but they can go screw), but if Becky outs him now, he’ll go catatonic, or worse.
So… even though she didn’t mean it this way, Joyce’s line in panel 2 signifies both a request that Ethan gently turns down and, uh, some good advice for his evening.
lol. I’m just the concept of talking to oneself. I’m not exclusive with anyone. I’m not even exclusive with one clear definition or psychological meaning. You need to chill out.
Terrifying Doctors are the best, though! It’s why Eccleston was amazing and why Tennant at the end of his run was so good. And there’s always a hint of sadness stashed in there.
Sadly, reading this comment made me wonder if people are bothered by the redundancy of saying “assless chaps” the way I hate phrases like “PIN number” or “ATM machine.”
I wasn’t aware it was a redundancy. I always assumed normal chaps were just some properly functional pants that cover everything up, and then the assless chaps are the ones that leave your butt exposed.
I dunno, “assless chaps”, while technically redundant (if they’re not assless, they’re just pants), seems to me to imply that there isn’t anything else covering the ass, either.
Referring to ‘PIN number’ isn’t redundant, it’s specific. As in, “this is the number part of my PIN.” You could also refer to a ‘personal PIN’ (as in, this is MY PIN, not someone else’s, or a joint one), or ‘ PIN identification’ (as in, this is the PIN that refers to me, not you or anyone else). I can’t help you with ATM machine, though, we call ’em “cashpoints” round these parts…
It’s called a “personal identification number” for a reason. They are numbers that identifypersons. Ergo, “PIN number” and “PIN identification” are redundant. “Personal PIN”, though, isn’t, because the two “personals” have slightly different meanings.
That and National Geographic, where many caught Jungle Fever. Used to be guaranteed two sets of native or aboriginal breasts every issue. Been years since they had Topless Natives though.
Rebel Joyce has a scooter and a sweater-vest with “If you can read this, the b-word fell off,” embroidered on the back in a graceful cursive script. She always wears her helmet. It’s pink and has unicorns on it.
Hey, he hasn’t started getting desperate like the Star Trek spinoffs started getting in the 90s, with titles that not only were one word long and incredibly generic but also had nothing to do with the actual plot of the episode.
“The Assignment” — what would you expect this one to be about? Just about anything? How about a demon possession story?
“The Passenger” — what do you supposed this one is about? It’s… another demon possession story?
“Resurrection” — no one is resurrected, instead an alternate mirror universe version of a character from the second season that no one cared about shows up.
“The Alternate” — okie doke, it’s going to be another alternate universe version of someone showing up, right? *Wrong!* It’s just Odo’s mentor this time.
“The Ship” — well, okay, this isn’t inaccurate, because there is a ship, but *come on!*
So, who thinks that the rest of Ethan’s night will be boring and dramafree?
Me neither.
Who will he run into? Danny (who will stumble into his arms)? Mike (who will kick him when he’s down)? Amber (who will have to struggle no to say something sarcastic)?
I’m going to go with Sarah, who has been suspiciously missing since last night. She wasn’t there when Dorothy woke Joyce up, she wasn’t in their room up to this point. Plus, Sarah has that major crush on Ethan’s roomate. They can bond over how hot he is!
I kind of want the rest of the evening to be boring and dramafree for him. For these reasons, I nominate Danny. They can talk about shitty break-ups and batman and deal with the UST tomorrow.
It occurs to me that Joyce is risking giving up one of her protectors when she says “If you still want to be around me.” It’s clear how much she’s relied on him for safety, and she’s still willing to give him up because she’s been wronging him so much.
Maybe put a sock on the door first, Ethan. Just in case.
Also, Joyce may make me wanna pull my hair out sometimes, but she’s definitely one of the biggest sweethearts out there.
They were not actually banging. She was tutoring him in math but he wants to keep it secret so Danny won’t learn that he only got a 26 on his latest test, so they made up the story about banging as a coverup.
Well, we’ve already had a couple of two-ladies ones. The dude-on-dude folks haven’t had anyone.
I got to thinking, though… I think our only real option for three dudes is Ethan, Danny, and Mike.
I have no prurient interest in dudes banging, but I kind of really want that to happen now just because it would be awesome and terrible and hilarious and wrong.
I bet Ethan searches for terms that aren’t really porn, but where hopefully porn will just “happen” to pop up. Doesn’t dare to just open a private window and search for porn directly so he spends hours searching through photos of rodeo shows just waiting for a pair of assless chaps to appear because that’ll seem less weird if somebody goes nosing through his browser history.
Fun fact: if you type “Remington gun” into Google Image without safe search, in amongst the pictures and schematics of guns, you get male porn.
That’s when I learned you could just go into the history tab and delete whatever pages you want.
He means that they aren’t continuing their farcical relationship anymore and are just going to continue as friends, what with how completely fucked up it was.
Okay, apparently my long-ass comment from yesterday is still in spam filter purgatory, so I’ll just give you the tl;dr without links.
I knew I’d seen Becky’s dad long before he appeared in DoA, and mistakenly believed he had appeared in Shortpacked! once. Turns out I had actually seen him in T Campbell’s Fans!, in one of the stories where David Willis was guest artist. Here he is: …
WTF, I can’t even type URLs without the http bit?
Let’s try this, then: faans dot com slash 06302010
Actually, this would be the best time for Mike to pull off one of his “I will have sex with you but deny you the pleasure henceforth” moves on Ethan. Mike would introduce him to the pleasures of the flesh with men, but frustrate Ethan so much that it pretty much forces Ethan to look elsewhere to get that feeling again—effectively pushing him out the closet.
Damn this strip and the speculative slash-fic it inspires in my head. 😛
Those last two panels haha awesome…
and now…
Danny-Amazigirl is in slight danger! Sorta? I kinda don’t see him causing her great pain twice, even if he’s attracted to danny and danny probably is
Next strip Jacob finds Ethan doing just that and tells him “Why look at a bunch of pixels when you could be looking at the real thing?”
Next slipshine comic happens.
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half-DRESSED…? Go big or go home, Ethan! =p
Well, since he’s going back to his dorm/home, I guess that means he’s following your advice.
Why not go big while at home? 😉
Give him several inches and he will give it a mile.
Whoa, whoa. TMI.
*hehehe*
Love the new Gravatar! Where did you find a version of Billie that horrifying? She looks ready to eat my face.
I made it a few years ago back when I still had Photoshop, I just wanted to make a scary-ass Billie at the time.
… well you can cross that one off your bucket list … and if you wanted to scare someone to death at the same time you may well have succeeded already … I’ve twitched every time she’s popped into view …
That’s the cutest Billie I’ve ever seen.
… so she’s already eaten your eye-balls then … Bagge was right!
I share omens’ opinion, and palpation suggests that my eyeballs are still lodged in my skull. Some of us just have a fondness for things that can cause hurt; the world could use more Hagrids.
She looks like she’s halfway to being a Homestuck Troll.
Don’t you mean, “Give him several inches and he’ll take a male?”
That deserves a LIKE or two or even three or more. *_*
Give him an inch and he’ll make it a mile. ^_^
He didn’t say which half would be the dressed part.
Left half…or right half?
Two face looking at porn would be truly weird.
I now desperately want either a fanfiction or an art of this. I am not sure which. Either one has the potential to either be amazing or scare me for life.
… Then again, it’s fanfiction/art. So it could do both!
…So is his cock also perfectly half-and-half like the rest of him
Does each side get erect separately to different turn-ons
Do his left arm and right arm have to fight each other to grip said cock or does he somehow reconcile both of his halves long enough to jack it double-handed
Do his two halves reach climax separately like some kind of demented double-barreled-shotgun penis
I’m pretty sure there’d be a lot of coin flipping involved before he could even decide what to look at, never mind if he’s actually aroused or not. I’m sure there’s a pun here somewhere about flipping heads but I’m too tired to think of one.
Dude.
*Wikipedia searches “two face”*
Okay, yeah, those are some pretty pressing questions.
This is a beautiful comment thread and I am ever so pleased to’ve been a part of it.
Front half?
Great, now I’m thinking of Sonic the Hedgehog porn…
[also, when people wear shoes and socks but are otherwise butt-naked, that’s my name for that, too]
Sonic probably considered full on nudity, but the ground is fuckin’ cold, man.
That, and when you run that fast, the surface touching the ground is gonna get abraded. Shoes are easier to replace than feet.
It’s called “Donald ducking” and the name horrifies me, while the reality is kinda hot.
Wouldn’t “Donald Ducking” be a shirt with no pants or shoes?
That made me think of Peter Griffins “Donald Duck costume” in Family Guy…..
And gloves!
Wait, we were talking about Sal porn, right??
IKR?! Dicks OR GTFO
GTFO = Get That Funk On!
in more ways than one, hehe.
Apparently some people prefer some clothing left on, lets their imagination run wild…
Plus, considering he’s living in the dorm room for most of the year, wouldn’t that make it kinda his home? Plus he’s been repressing for a while now too, right? So I guess that kinda means he could be going home THEN going hard…
I dunno, if it'[s only the top half that dressed that’s pretty hot.
I don’t know personally I enjoy pretty shirtless guys myself. Full frontals fine but some nice abs are pretty fantastic.
It’s not “full” frontal if you can’t see those taut, toned abs.
Nobody said the shirt had to be done up.
Well I mean sometimes just Abs.
Working her way up to the point where She and He can spend an evening looking a photos of pretty half-dressed men TOGETHER!
Baby steps, man. Baby steps…
Half-HORSE, more like!
Ethan, there’s no need to use the internet. You room with jacob, remember?
What are you suggesting, that he start burping the worm while Jacob’s in the room?
Nah, more like choking the chicken.
Slinging “yogurt.”
beating a nice tube steak with a head of white gravy
Or maybe polishing the porpoise.
Indeed.
It’s wank season.
Stretching the taffy? Euphemisms are hard.
Fluffing his Garfield.
So you say, but you appear to have managed to fit in a double entendre at the same time …
His boner hates Mondays?
Charming the snake.
Are you guys talking about dicks?! My left toe started tingling so I hopped on here as quick as I could.
Buffing the brass.
Well. There’s several new euphemisms for wanking I can use.
Cracking the whip?
Touching his penis.
What?
You realize that these euphemisms are pretty much all referring to male masturbation? The only comparable term for female masturbation that I’ve ever heard is “playing the slots”.
Your assignment is to come up with some other ‘descriptive’ phrases for female self-pleasure.
@Bill – you, dear person, need the phrase “flicking the bean” in your life
@Bill Oh, you poor innocent lamb.
Here are some such terms.
The old spit-and-polish?
@Bill: That’s because the euphemisms are in reference to Ethan. It’d be kinda silly to use female innuendo when talking about a guy whacking one out.
I’ve heard “Polishing the pearl” for the ladies, but since it’s Ethan being talked about here, “Polishing the flagpole” is more in line with what he’ll do (or rather wants to do…)
Marika — point taken; I was just commenting on all the various phrases guys seem to have developed (and use) to refer to ‘beating the bishop’ or ‘spanking the monkey’. I truly was not aware that the females had so many to choose from (thanks, Shmuel).
That’s what straight college bros do, right?
“Oh, good, Jacob, you’re working again. I got you some soundproof headphones and a sleep mask, just cause. No reason, really. You should try them out right now!”
It worked for Joe.
“Are… you trying to make me a sub?”
+1 to Jen Aside for the gag.
+1 for the pun?
…and pizza.
I think this is probably the worst euphemism for male masturbation I have ever seen. And I’ve seen a bunch.
I gotta thank GTA: San Andreas for the worm burping one.
“Burping the worm”.
Wow.
I’ve never heard that before…
Variety is the spice of life.
Also, real people can get uncomfortable when you stare at them as they dress. Especially when you’re aroused.
polishing his helmet?
Yay, Joyce! Back to the top of the list!
We always fantasize about the one we can’t have
……..*sigh* hits too close to home.
Yeah, I honestly fantasize about my ex a lot more than my fiancee. Luckily, my ex isn’t in my life anymore, so it doesn’t cause problems.
As someone who friend-ships Joyce with every character, this has been a good week for me.
Word.
Noun
Gerund
Calque
Participle.
… I guess we’re just going to leave that dangling …
Expletive!
*onomatopoeia!*
Colloquialism.
Okay, you get an internet.
Portmanteau.
Article (pref of clothing)
Wait, so all of the strips have different names? I hadn’t noticed.
It amuses me that Becky’s tagged in this strip even though her only appearance is about twenty pixels in the first panel.
oh this wasn’t meant to be a reply, my bad
Willis is thorough about his tagging. And it has its advantages. http://itswalky.tumblr.com/post/75124843493/secrets-revealed-while-tagging-the-older-strip
Usually. Lately, there have been a few repeat titles (hence the title text). You can find them by going back and looking for a “2” in the URL after the strip title. There might even be a few “3”‘s, but I don’t think Willis is that desperate yet.
Sometimes a 2 happens if I need to move a strip around. Once you create a URL, even if you delete that URL’s comic, that URL can’t be recycled for another comic, so a number is thrown on to disambiguate.
Ah, the perils of site hosting.
Out of curiosity, why would you need to move a strip?
Occasionally he has modified a comic if there was a spelling mistake of the speech bubble was pointing to the wrong person, heck in one comic of his, he added an Aryan Jesus cos The Doctor mentioned that particular comic wouldn’t be quite complete without him.
Those examples don’t involve moving strips, though. I’d just overwrite the original for those.
But sometimes, say, if a Kickstarter stretch goal unlocks weekend updates, you have to move some strips around to fill in the Saturdays and Sundays.
So Ethan likes the pretty boys?
Does that include bishies?
Does that include bishonen Batman?
You mean Dick?
I think it’s well established that Ethan likes Dick.
After Danny’s conversation with Ethan about looking like Nightwing, I think it’s safe to say that Danny likes Dick, too.
But really, don’t we all love Dick?
Dick is the best. Wanna go to Dick’s in Seattle and talk about the greatness of Dick?
Hope you’re not a picky eater! Dick’s is also in Spokane, if I recall correctly, but that’s it. No Dick’s outside of Washington State! How the hell do the rest of you guys procreate?
Dick’s milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.
GAAAAAH, Plasma, your gravatar eats my eyeballs!!!
Eyeball jellies are yummy!
So is your own nose, evidently.
Not too popular, though
Well, in the end maybe not so bad
That is by far the most adorable thing.
Batboi
He likes Danny, doesn’t he?
Who doesn’t?
Huh, is every strip named after a word in the strip? Does that mean every strip needs to have at least one unique and interesting word?
I knew that every strip was named for a word in the strip, didn’t notice that they were all unique.
Usually yes, sometimes it’s a phrase. When Marcie signs in the strip, the title is usually a transcipt of what she’s signing. On the rare occasion that there’s a strip without dialogue Willis just makes a title.
There was also “DUMBING OF AGE: COMICS ONLY FOR THOSE WHO CAN READ SHEET MUSIC” and a few others early on.
I admit that I cheated on this one and asked a music major friend to tell me what it was.
She died laughing.
Well, at least you can tell her parents that she died happy.
Oh, and that grav makes me really hungry for soft-serve.
They don’t. There are duplicates, whose URLs end in -2
Guess this is the one difference between Joyce and Amber, but probably because she Dumped him and not the other way around.
No, while the situation with Amber certainly didn’t help her reaction, I think it’s mostly the difference between Amber and Joyce.
That was a fun game of Spot the Becky. I never would have guessed she was behind Ethan’s second speech bubble in panel five.
… look for a little patch of orange …
But… She’s in the first panel…
Oh internet, the art of sarcasm is wasted on you.
(I know she’s in the first panel. Well, her hair is anyway.)
I got it.
(Also it’s best not to talk about the hair, shit went down yesterday.)
True, the hair razing got hair raising ….
Daaaaaaayum!
Badum, tsshh
And stank to high heaven!
Here I figured it was just a Nachito hanging out of Walky’s mouth.
And there he is still fucking talking to himself guess he wasn’t exaggerating about going insane.
Meh, I talk to myself all the time. It’s only when you answer yourself that you have a problem.
It’s when you pause to let the other voice speak that there’s a problem.
…
The other voice that only you can hear, that is.
Is it worrying that I’m talking to myself Ethan? Yes it is Other Ethan, yes it is.
Sorry, “Other Ethan” is reserved for the “sparkly man-dangle” that Joyce will someday buy for herself.
That’s what’s so terrifying. Not only is Ethan talking to Joyce’s vibrator, he’s projecting onto it.
I’m so glad to see this point coming from someone else.
Only the insane have strength enough to prosper; only the prosperous may truly judge what is sane.
I like the way you think…
I guess that means Calvinball is a deep metaphor for society.
…This is frighteningly plausible.
And Joyce knocks it out of the park by saying the right thing, this is the Joyce I love
Hopefully this will Speed up her Growth.
All signs point to yes
She’s already 3 inches taller than Dorothy
She’ll be Ethan’s height by winter break.
By the end of the year, she’s 6 meters tall & has unlocked the transformation skill…
…A few months later, she’s 9 meters, helped her friends level up enough so she can use her latest skill, allowing her to join in the Combiner Wars as a team with them…
Unfortunately, because of Earth’s polluted atmosphere, Ultra-Joyce can only retain her gigantic form for three minutes. Time is running out!
So she’s grinding in the RPG of life?
…I’ll show myself out.
I think that the point of a lot of these stories is that she is not grinding.
She has been known to sit on washing machines before tho…
It’s a pretty great RPG. You should check it out:
http://www.reddit.com/r/outside
Oh, man, Ethan expresses his own preferences and sticks by them, AND he and Joyce say mutually respectful and communicative things to each other? Willis, how the hell did you fit this much awesome into one strip?
Wow. Wow. I cannot stop loving every panel of this. I have all the feels right now. Dude. My day is made.
I know, right. As breakups go this one went really well.
It’s surely the nicest breakup Willis will give us in the foreseeable future. Any other couples break up and there’s going to be rending of garments and pounding of chests, both among the characters and in the audience.
For instance, AmberAmazi-girl will end Danny in that case.
HTML fail. I wanted a strike-through.
Yeah, not lookin’ forward to that one.
I wonder if IU has fallout shelters left over from the Cold War…
I’m pretty sure they are there somewhere, but they’re called Zombie Shelters now. 😉
I though Zombie Shelters were places in major cities operated by the YZCA.
Well nice going Bagge ya’ just jinxed it. Now Ethan’s gonna’ head back into his room and find Gorilla Grodd there messing up all his Batman figures.
Oh, is that what we’re calling Joe now?
That’s a bit insulting to Grodd don’t ya’ think?
Gorilla Grodd is a jerk with a stupid haircut.
H-his whole body is hair!!!
Right? Or is that fur? God I always mix these things up.
Hair is fur and fur is hair. The only real difference is that fur is what animals grow and hair is what humans and cartoon animals grow.
It’s chemically identical. There are differences in how it grows, and in what patterns, but that’s just as much a ‘skin’ issue as with the hair.
So Ethan has a tumblr, then
More like a 64 Rule account… Then again is there a difference ?
…did you mean 34, or is there a service requiring an account that specifically provides images of genderflipped female characters?
THAT’s rule 63. 64 would be porn of 63. Or is that what you meant?
“Don’t copy that floppy?”
My mistake; I was remembering 64 as the inverse of 63 – male versions of female characters like Samus Aran and Princess Peach, where 63 is female versions of males like Link and Mario.
I know Mr Willis does. I seem to have this looping in the background. Was expecting it to stop at the end, not minding it hasn’t…
…again, I got nothing. They both said what needed to be said, they confirmed to each other that the relationship was, in fact, over, they made sure they separated on good terms and build a foundation for a potential friendship.
Good communication, kids. (Just make sure to tell the others that you have broken up, Joyce. You don’t want any misunderstandings).
You don’t have to open up unless you don’t want to, Ethan, but I would be happy if you stop roping other people into living your lie. And pretty men on internet seems like an awesome idea for the night.
Yeah, the most important thing now really is for Joyce to tell people the relationship is over. The one thing I could see complicating it is that she might not want to out Ethan (despite having already done so to Dorothy).
Also bear in mind that she would probably have to re-tell the story to Billie. And Sarah.
…That’s how Billie is going to find out Ethan is gay, isn’t it? Her fantasies of dude mack might lead to her trying to play matchmaker again.
Yeah, that’s a complication – and it’s one of the reasons it was such a bad idea for Ethan to get into a relationship with Joyce. It made her his secret keeper, and now she has to carry that burden and deal with the extra problems.
It’ll be fairly awkward for Joyce, sure, but I’m trying to think of just how many people she’ll actually have to keep his secret from. Not Sarah, of course, and not Dorothy or Walky anymore. With everyone else, even Becky, some variation on “We realized we just don’t have that much in common” might be okay in the short term.
Yeah, with her personalty, I’m deathly afraid that Becky’ll take it upon herself to drag Ethan out of the closet then dynamite the thing so he can’t go back inside. As necessary as getting him out of the closet is, he needs to do it at his own pace.
While this is a concern pretty much everyone who cares whether Ethan is gay or not already knows. Everyone else will just tune Becky out like they did when she outted herself.
Ethan cares whether Ethan is gay or not, and that is all that matters right now. Yes, he needs to realize that no one else does (except his parents of course, but they can go screw), but if Becky outs him now, he’ll go catatonic, or worse.
>everyone who cares whether Ethan is gay or not already knows
Does Jacob know?
Does Danny?
I see you cut off the ‘pretty much’ to make it seem like I made an all encompassing statement.
Who gave Ethan the link to my facebook?
Joyce, like Becky said, I’m so glad college has changed you.
Word
Let’s not start that again…
Excel?
PowerPoint
And thus, Ethan watched a shit ton of wrestling.
Makes me wonder what wrestlers would be his type.
MaybeThe Rock? I dunno, that dude is literally the only wrestler I actually know.
Roman Reigns, bud.
http://www.wwewrestling.in/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/roman-reigns-shirtless-2.jpg
This holds real promise as a metaphor for Ethan grappling with his issues …
GODDURNIT’ tyresome you are on a furkin’ roll tonight! Why isn’t there a like button for this shit!?
Because WordPress is easier than the nightmare that is disqus.
I glad my efforts meet with your approval, but I must give you a warning … I may not be able to match this before I tap out …
Though I will note that it would be nice if Ethan quit stalling and stopped being a ‘Closet champion’ …
The Hurricane
Shawn Michaels
Booker T
This is now cannon.
Or a Big Show and Yeti sex sandwich
All of them. Let’s face it, a bunch of muscle-bound, half-naked, spandex-clad hunks groping each other? That’s got to be the gayest sport there is..!
It would be such fun if the wrestlers would just shut the fuck up and actually wrestle.
So… even though she didn’t mean it this way, Joyce’s line in panel 2 signifies both a request that Ethan gently turns down and, uh, some good advice for his evening.
I would walk 500 miles for panel 2 Joyce, and I would walk 500 more.
Ethan/talking to himself in hallways is my new OTP.
He’s hanging out with Ethan now? That BASTARD! I thought he was exclusive with ME!
lol. I’m just the concept of talking to oneself. I’m not exclusive with anyone. I’m not even exclusive with one clear definition or psychological meaning. You need to chill out.
Eh. Fair enough.
…Are you and yourself in a hallway right now, though
Well, no. We don’t keep my computer in a hallway. We do occasionally talk to myself in hallways, though.
Naw, it’s clearly Ethan/Hallway. He will become a janitor at IU so that he never has to leave his beloved hallway for good.
Good things were said. Are we in the Bizarro Dumbiverse?
Good things have to happen so that good things can be taken away later.
I see you’re a veteran of Doctor Who or Game of Thrones.
Heh, Game of Dumb.
Dumbing of Thrones.
Doctor Dumb.
Now I need to see these parodies.
As long as I get to see Joyce with three newly hatched dragons I’m happy.
Obviously in a fireproof turtleneck.
Who would be Jorah then?
Walky is as much of a smartass as ever, but now he also hires prostitutes and goes by “Half-Man.”
As long as I get to see Joyce with three newly hatched dragons I’m happy..
Wait, haven’t watched any of that show except small clips, but isn’t she naked when that happens-
…You know what, I don’t have a problem with that…
Perverse Sexual Lust!
Galasso sends his regards.
First-ever female Doctor: Dorothy Keener.
No, I take it back. It’s Dina who would make the best Doctor.
Daniel the Human’s sister is a Whovian & apparently He’d like to be a redhead & a female. Becky fills that role well…
As does Ruth. Which… is kind of a great idea, actually? But also terrifying, so I’d rather she didn’t.
Terrifying Doctors are the best, though! It’s why Eccleston was amazing and why Tennant at the end of his run was so good. And there’s always a hint of sadness stashed in there.
Ruth would be fantastic.
Ok but hear me out. Doctor Carla.
Nah, Dorothy’s too sane. She’s Companion material; Ruth nails the combined altruism, sadness, and psychotic intimidation. And she’s a redhead.
I doubt Joyce would ever give agreement to any sort of porn viewing but hey, just believe what ya need too Ethan
She’s already looked up pictures of dicks; I doubt she’ll get too upset over him doing the same.
Half Dressed men?
Step your game up, Ethan. Look at them fully nude dudes, bro.
Well, I guess a set of chaps might count as half-dressed …
Sadly, reading this comment made me wonder if people are bothered by the redundancy of saying “assless chaps” the way I hate phrases like “PIN number” or “ATM machine.”
I’m really glad I didn’t show myself to be an ass by doing that while horsing around ….
You handled the situation with equine-imity
Thank you! I’m always a worried about withers I should have reined it in a bit …
I wasn’t aware it was a redundancy. I always assumed normal chaps were just some properly functional pants that cover everything up, and then the assless chaps are the ones that leave your butt exposed.
Now you know why they say “Those chaps couldn’t find their own ass with both hands.” 😉
Don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say that.
Ba-dum tsh!
… or perhaps, da-Bum tush?
I dunno, “assless chaps”, while technically redundant (if they’re not assless, they’re just pants), seems to me to imply that there isn’t anything else covering the ass, either.
Nope, it describes the lads from the hospital for the grievously butt hurt.
Their motto, of course, is “We won’t be caught sitting down.”
Referring to ‘PIN number’ isn’t redundant, it’s specific. As in, “this is the number part of my PIN.” You could also refer to a ‘personal PIN’ (as in, this is MY PIN, not someone else’s, or a joint one), or ‘ PIN identification’ (as in, this is the PIN that refers to me, not you or anyone else). I can’t help you with ATM machine, though, we call ’em “cashpoints” round these parts…
It’s called a “personal identification number” for a reason. They are numbers that identify persons. Ergo, “PIN number” and “PIN identification” are redundant. “Personal PIN”, though, isn’t, because the two “personals” have slightly different meanings.
Before I can let you in, I’ll need to see your Common Access Card Card.
But…does the internet even HAVE those?
Are you SURE it’s legal?
What if I told you that there are entire WEBSITES dedicated to it, Ethan.
Nooooooo, really?!
We must check and make sure, for science.
for SCIENCE!
As a recently Bisexual guy as I said up top I can say Full Nude’s awesome and all but shirtless dudes with great abs rock.
You think Ethan keeps underwear packaging so he can look at the models?
Sears catalog
If you Google Bonds models, there are some men in there. I’m sure if you add male in there, it’ll be more relevant to Ethan’s interests…
I’m old enough to remember Catalog Porn. Back in the days before they just piped all the nudes you could want right into your room.
Oh, that magic moment when you picked up the Sears Catalog and suddenly realized that there were things in it just as interesting as the toys…
That and National Geographic, where many caught Jungle Fever. Used to be guaranteed two sets of native or aboriginal breasts every issue. Been years since they had Topless Natives though.
Go Joyce!
Though, uh, you could make it sound a little less like you’re calling your dog.
(I wonder what Joyce’s dog is named in this universe…)
Walky! It’s named after a cute little mouse boy she used to crush on. “Come, Walky! Time for walky!”
Damn it that’s probably true. Will Joyce ever stop being cute?
I sincerely hope not. I don’t think I would enjoy the alternative.
I don’t know, evil Joyce sounds oddly sexy.
Like I imagine her acting the same, but when someone sneezes she doesn’t say bless you.
So sexy.
That sounds a lot like rebel Joyce.
Still sexy though.
Rebel Joyce has a motorcycle. She races Sal on Saturdays.
Rebel Joyce has a scooter and a sweater-vest with “If you can read this, the b-word fell off,” embroidered on the back in a graceful cursive script. She always wears her helmet. It’s pink and has unicorns on it.
That sweater vest is of course worn over her leather biking jacket. We need fan art!
Yes Ethan! Lock yourself up in the half bath with pictures of pretty men. And maybe imagine Danny’s head on a couple of them. *coughs loudly*
Honestly I wonder how Willis hasn’t run out of comic names. Like 3 months from now we won’t have an overlap? That’s amazing.
waiting on “a” and “the”
I was under the impression that some titles have been reused.
Actually, they have. Some comics have a “-2” after their title.
Hey, he hasn’t started getting desperate like the Star Trek spinoffs started getting in the 90s, with titles that not only were one word long and incredibly generic but also had nothing to do with the actual plot of the episode.
“The Assignment” — what would you expect this one to be about? Just about anything? How about a demon possession story?
“The Passenger” — what do you supposed this one is about? It’s… another demon possession story?
“Resurrection” — no one is resurrected, instead an alternate mirror universe version of a character from the second season that no one cared about shows up.
“The Alternate” — okie doke, it’s going to be another alternate universe version of someone showing up, right? *Wrong!* It’s just Odo’s mentor this time.
“The Ship” — well, okay, this isn’t inaccurate, because there is a ship, but *come on!*
Is there any way to edit these things? s/supposed/suppose
Unfortunately not.
Are they half-naked or half-dressed, Ethan?
Is this cup half-full or half-empty?
The cup is the wrong size! I don’t know what that says for the rest of the metaphor though.
Jockey cup, that is
Bow chicka wow wow?
It says you’re an engineer.
So, who thinks that the rest of Ethan’s night will be boring and dramafree?
Me neither.
Who will he run into? Danny (who will stumble into his arms)? Mike (who will kick him when he’s down)? Amber (who will have to struggle no to say something sarcastic)?
I’m going to go with Sarah, who has been suspiciously missing since last night. She wasn’t there when Dorothy woke Joyce up, she wasn’t in their room up to this point. Plus, Sarah has that major crush on Ethan’s roomate. They can bond over how hot he is!
Sarah was around this morning when Joyce was trying to rules-lawyer the Bible. She was probably still sleeping when Dorothy dropped by to invite Joyce jogging at fuck-no-thirty in the morning.
More Ethan sounds good. This strip made me smile.
I kind of want the rest of the evening to be boring and dramafree for him. For these reasons, I nominate Danny. They can talk about shitty break-ups and batman and deal with the UST tomorrow.
Well, personally, I hope it’s Danny, just for added awkwardness.
Of course, more Mike is hilarious.
That’s exactly what I hoped would happen between those two.
Oh, if only all breakups could go so well. Well, romantic breakups, not just pretend relationship breakups.
It occurs to me that Joyce is risking giving up one of her protectors when she says “If you still want to be around me.” It’s clear how much she’s relied on him for safety, and she’s still willing to give him up because she’s been wronging him so much.
That’s our Joyce. She does the right thing, even when it’s hard.
At least once she figures out what that is.
Sounds like a good plan, Ethan !
Joyce and Ethan please stop making me tear up before I have to leave for work
Maybe put a sock on the door first, Ethan. Just in case.
Also, Joyce may make me wanna pull my hair out sometimes, but she’s definitely one of the biggest sweethearts out there.
Not that you need permission to do what you want to do (when it doesn’t hurt anyone)… but yes.
*Works out Webcomic updates at 1:01pm local time. Jumps on site at 1:41pm. Discovers there’s already 113 comments posted…*
Well, that didn’t take long…
People begin posting the second it goes up.
You seriously need to be within the first 10 minutes if you want to be in the first 50 comments.
Whoo, same time zone!
I’m guessing Western Australia? May be plenty of animals that’ll happily kill ya, but it’s still a nice place to live…
To be fair, what DOESN’T sound like permission to look at pretty half-dressed men on the Internet?
“DON’T look at half-dressed men on the internet”
Yeah, no, there’s still some leeway with that one.
Well then the obvious course of action is to go look at undressed men on the internet
But why is there no “Don’t care until it’s three ladies” option?
And why is Joe+Penny hidden under “Some other folks who we know have canonically done it”?
They were not actually banging. She was tutoring him in math but he wants to keep it secret so Danny won’t learn that he only got a 26 on his latest test, so they made up the story about banging as a coverup.
And she said no layers because the she likes having something nice to look at while math is happening.
Math is like onions..
It makes you cry.
Er, and has layers.
And stinks.
When Joe told Danny he was “studying genders” it was actually because Penny was giving him extra tutoring since Joe is lagging behind in that class.
Well, we’ve already had a couple of two-ladies ones. The dude-on-dude folks haven’t had anyone.
I got to thinking, though… I think our only real option for three dudes is Ethan, Danny, and Mike.
I have no prurient interest in dudes banging, but I kind of really want that to happen now just because it would be awesome and terrible and hilarious and wrong.
Ethan, what a good name for a dog…
I bet Ethan searches for terms that aren’t really porn, but where hopefully porn will just “happen” to pop up. Doesn’t dare to just open a private window and search for porn directly so he spends hours searching through photos of rodeo shows just waiting for a pair of assless chaps to appear because that’ll seem less weird if somebody goes nosing through his browser history.
Fun fact: if you type “Remington gun” into Google Image without safe search, in amongst the pictures and schematics of guns, you get male porn.
That’s when I learned you could just go into the history tab and delete whatever pages you want.
I wonder if he’s savvy enough to go thru turkish oil wrestling tumblogs
Looks like a big huge growing moment for both of them.
Giggity
The feels of this comic…
I love the smell of character growth in the evening.
Feels indeed! Very nicely done Mr. W.
Respectful, loving, and nice growing for them both.
Think Ethan is thinking about coming out? Not like half the campus doesn’t know, but (exaggeration) maybe just maybe he’s ready.
Now they just need to contend with Becky.
AWW Joyce! And Ethan! And friendship! These are happy feels.
You do you, Ethan, you do you. Oh, and don’t discount lubrication.
yayyyyy! finally the ethan/joyce romantic relationship is offically 100% dead in the water. thank goodness
Not really. They both admit that sexy times are officially out, now real love can emerge.
He means that they aren’t continuing their farcical relationship anymore and are just going to continue as friends, what with how completely fucked up it was.
Okay, apparently my long-ass comment from yesterday is still in spam filter purgatory, so I’ll just give you the tl;dr without links.
I knew I’d seen Becky’s dad long before he appeared in DoA, and mistakenly believed he had appeared in Shortpacked! once. Turns out I had actually seen him in T Campbell’s Fans!, in one of the stories where David Willis was guest artist. Here he is: …
WTF, I can’t even type URLs without the http bit?
Let’s try this, then: faans dot com slash 06302010
I dunno, am I suddenly not allowed to post URLs because the spam filter thought one of my comments was spam?
Half-dressed?
Oh well, at least they aren’t *completely* dressed. But seriously, Ethan, grow a pair.
He already has a pair, which is part of what makes this strip interesting!
Oops! This should have been a reply to Arianod . . .
Awwwww, Ethan.
Actually, this would be the best time for Mike to pull off one of his “I will have sex with you but deny you the pleasure henceforth” moves on Ethan. Mike would introduce him to the pleasures of the flesh with men, but frustrate Ethan so much that it pretty much forces Ethan to look elsewhere to get that feeling again—effectively pushing him out the closet.
Damn this strip and the speculative slash-fic it inspires in my head. 😛
Brilliant. Now I want this to happen.
But it won’t because then a dude on dude slipshine would have been possible.
It could always happen a little later.
Don’t worry, Ethan, I’m sure the nice commenters would be HAPPY to suggest several websites for you to peruse…
slipshine has some nice gay stuff
I slightly like Joyce a little bit now.
Those last two panels haha awesome…
and now…
Danny-Amazigirl is in slight danger! Sorta? I kinda don’t see him causing her great pain twice, even if he’s attracted to danny and danny probably is
No, but how will Amber handle it if Danny straight up tells her that he has a crush on her ex? Or Amber notices?
By sticking her hand down her pants and picturing them together.
s/picturing/watching/
Or being the other slice of bread in a Danwich.
(Very strange kind of sandwich that has the Wonderbread in the middle, but there you are.)
Ethan I’m glad you’re getting more comfortable with yourself but stop asking permission for this sorta thing. You be you and all that jazz.
Next strip Jacob finds Ethan doing just that and tells him “Why look at a bunch of pixels when you could be looking at the real thing?”
Next slipshine comic happens.
I want to give Joyce all the hugs. ALL OF THEM.
… wonder what Danny’s doing