Because “Roller Derby” is easier to put into quotes than “I heard she and a bunch of the shortpacked cast bought beer at a walmart, then drank it even though they are underage and then proceeded to beat up amazi-girl while making her feel bad until the sun came up.”
[in all seriousness, that’s most likely what Sal told her, because fuck tryna explain that all when you just wanna crash, and of course Billie doesn’t believe Sal does what she says she did]
Yep!
Maybe Billie thinks the “beat up Amazi-Girl” story is an elaborate cover-up. Pretending to be your own villain. Justifies your presence at the scene while still providing you with an alibi. Very clever.
there are three kinds of kobolds your classic dumb as a mud fence variety. The lovable but still moronic “Deekan” type and then there are the Tucker variety. The “Tucker’s Kobold” is very different, in fact most believe the Almighty Pun-Pun, blessed be his name was a mutant spawn of this clever and deadly sub-race. Also dread gazebo.
Don’t people usually claim to be unable to care less? If I say that I can care less doesn’t that imply that the thing I am talking about matters more to me than not at all?
People seem to mix up the meanings between “I could care less” and “I couldn’t care less” Many seem to think that the two sayings are synonymous instead of opposing.
That is what I keep saying. “I could care less” is short form for “I could care less, but not by very much” “I couldn’t care less” is always a lie :p (it is accepted because it is hyperbole of course, but my point stands)
The misuse of “literally” has literally changed its meaning so that the accepted definition literally includes the two contradictory meanings.
The English language literally changes over time, and I am literally filled with uncontrollable haterage every time someone gets all irritated about minutia that is literally no longer valid.
Also, literally, literally, literally.
Literally.
But yeah, common usage has changed the definition of a lot of words. It’s an interesting quirk of linguistics that they change, and then people get mad about it.
The sayings “head over heels” and “have your cake and eat it, too” are also reversed from their original order and meaning, but very few people realize it.
“Sis please you got to tell me that when we were kids our mom DID NOT! Take us to a talent agency because if you don’t I’m jumping off the nearest building.
I don’t really think I hate anyone in it. Well, Blaine, but I am supposed to. Dina might be my least favorite character who is not intentionally odious, or Mike, but I love them, too, I just love the others more.
I would think Willis would prefer to title his memoirs “Batman Can Breathe in Space: the Misadventures of a Highly Opinionated Webcomic Artist”. And Dave, my agent is totally willing to discuss royalties. (I talked Skids into being my agent should I manage to sell my own memoirs of my time on the Lost Light.)
I never even knew they were a thing until DoA introduced the term to me. And up until I googled it a moment ago, I was content with inferring that it involved roller skates.
I’m old enough to remember roller derby on regional TV back in the 1960s, and the Raquel Welch movie (“Kansas City Bomber”) that it inspired. Incidentally, I believe that the ’11’ on Malaya’s shirt is in homage to this movie, as Raquel Welch’s character also wore #11 in the film.
I know two women from two completely different areas of my life and widely separated geographical locations who do roller derby. AND one of their young daughters do, too. Apparently it’s a thing now (again).
Wait, is he there to apologize/talk about the whole parents/race thing? That definitely seems to be the case. Color me intrigued. You may continue the story, Mr. Willis.
So many asses.
Wise ass. Smart ass. Dead ass. Weird ass. Fat ass. Skinny Ass. Sachel ass. Dumb ass.
These are all uses that I’ve actually heard people say.
I just realized why Billie thinks “at the roller-derby” is an euphemism. She still thinks Sal fights crime while wearing yellow spandex with a blue cape.
I’ve been using him as my online identity pretty much ever since he existed, although even before 9/11 calling oneself “Evil Midnight Bomber” on the Net seemed like a bad idea, hence “Lurker.” 🙂
Billie was a mountain!
Ruth was the RA lurking over her shoulder!
(That was actually my first reaction, but then I figured with the face-crushing and all it was probably meant to be a Game of Thrones ref. [insert Howard here])
Are we far enough in to the semester for anyone to consciously decide a high school friendship has not survived the move? That happened to me and I have NO idea why I thought of it after reading today’s strip…
Aw, Billie just insults and abuses Walky to cover up the fact that she wants to bang him silly.
(I find it explains a lot about Billie’s behaviour if you assume that this holds true regardless of what other person’s name you stick in that sentence. Sal? Yep. Ruth? Definitely. Danny? He’s a total nerd, but he said she was a pretty cheerleader! Joyce? It’s okay, everyone’s a little bicurious! Sarah? Resolving interpersonal conflict with trips to Bone City! Howard? … Okay, maybe it doesn’t always work.)
Billie and Walky didn’t have a highschool friendship. They had a pre-high school friendship that went sour in high school when Billie became a popular bongo and Walky is trying to reconnect with her now that she’s lost her posse of popular bongoes.
We need a Walky versus Faz face-off, for Dorothy’s love and affection. That and we need more Faz, you can never have too much Faz. Are Danny and Sal going to get together?
Loading ...
or “having sex”??
Or “studying”?
For Sal that’s the same thing.
Poor Danny…
Lucky Danny….
or “robbing the bank”
Maybe a convenience store…
Or doing all fucking three.
Because “Roller Derby” is easier to put into quotes than “I heard she and a bunch of the shortpacked cast bought beer at a walmart, then drank it even though they are underage and then proceeded to beat up amazi-girl while making her feel bad until the sun came up.”
[in all seriousness, that’s most likely what Sal told her, because fuck tryna explain that all when you just wanna crash, and of course Billie doesn’t believe Sal does what she says she did]
If I remember correctly, doesn’t Billie still think Sal is Amazi-Girl?
Yep!
Maybe Billie thinks the “beat up Amazi-Girl” story is an elaborate cover-up. Pretending to be your own villain. Justifies your presence at the scene while still providing you with an alibi. Very clever.
Don’t forget, tomorrow is the day we “kill the president”
It’s never too early for wise-assery!
It is when you’ve been drinkin’
That’s the best time!
Yeah, but if Walky waited until Billie hadn’t been drinking to be a smart ass he would have to give up on it entirely.
Nor is it too late. The wise-assery arrives precisely when it is necessary.
Thanks Gandalf.
But jack-assery is more of an afternoon/evening thing.
You need to teach a ceminar for my parents
I’m more partial to smart-assery, myself.
Well, smart-assery is for wizards, wise-assery is for clerics.
I’m more of a bard, so I tend toward charismatic-assery.
I like the subcategory of cynical smart-assery the best
As a sorcerer/druid theurge, I concur but diversify. Smartassery’s fun, but fits cynics better.
Leaving dumbassery to the goons?
And the kobolds, man nothing is dumber than a kobold. Goblins come close but they are more crazy than stupid.
there are three kinds of kobolds your classic dumb as a mud fence variety. The lovable but still moronic “Deekan” type and then there are the Tucker variety. The “Tucker’s Kobold” is very different, in fact most believe the Almighty Pun-Pun, blessed be his name was a mutant spawn of this clever and deadly sub-race. Also dread gazebo.
+1 for mentioning Deekin! Love that little Bard!
This post is a rich trove of classic in-jokes. (Treasure Type G, at least.)
Great userpic, too.
Still trying to get over the fact that I actually got all of them
Sort of a Tony Stark kind of thing?
And I am more bad at everything, so I lean towards bad-assery?
Everything is too early when you have a massive hangover.
Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace!
Knew there would be at least one of these.
They weren’t baking, rather they were pickling.
Walky, never fails to bring on the lols
His comeback is perfect.
I hate when people do the air quotes wrong.
I also hate whenever someone says “I could care less”.
Yeah, especially because most of them mean “I couldN’T care less”.
David Mitchell explains the problem with “I could care less” in this video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=om7O0MFkmpw
Counterpoint:
http://www.slate.com/blogs/lexicon_valley/2014/03/18/why_i_could_care_less_is_not_as_irrational_or_ungrammatical_as_you_might.html
Like I care.
I could care less… but it would require effort and possibly heavy equipment.
You are my least favorite person right now.
touché
Oh hey, it’s by Arika Okrent, cool.
That just means that they care about you 🙂
Don’t people usually claim to be unable to care less? If I say that I can care less doesn’t that imply that the thing I am talking about matters more to me than not at all?
People seem to mix up the meanings between “I could care less” and “I couldn’t care less” Many seem to think that the two sayings are synonymous instead of opposing.
They usually act as synonyms because they’re both bitter. Compare:
What a terrible idea that is.
What a spectacular idea that is.
Tell me those are opposites when spoken by someone rolling their eyes.
Meanwhile, “I appreciate how much the president has done” and “Thanks, Obama!” usually are opposites. It’s all context.
That is what I keep saying. “I could care less” is short form for “I could care less, but not by very much” “I couldn’t care less” is always a lie :p (it is accepted because it is hyperbole of course, but my point stands)
Not to mention misuse of the word “literally”.
I know the feeling. I literally spit fire with anger every time I hear someone make such a simple mistake.
People have been literally misusing the word literally for many decades now.
I literally find it ironic how often people use words wrong.
Isn’t it ironic, doncha think?
It’s like RAIN… on a rainy day
It’s like a free ride, that you don’t have to pay for.
It’s good advice that you took and you’re better for it.
Sure aren’t going to find any of that around here.
The misuse of “literally” has literally changed its meaning so that the accepted definition literally includes the two contradictory meanings.
The English language literally changes over time, and I am literally filled with uncontrollable haterage every time someone gets all irritated about minutia that is literally no longer valid.
Also, literally, literally, literally.
Literally.
But yeah, common usage has changed the definition of a lot of words. It’s an interesting quirk of linguistics that they change, and then people get mad about it.
Or the use of the wrong ‘you’re’.
Or the use of the wrong ‘too’.
…As you can probably tell, illiteracy is not tolerated here.
How about use of the wrong ‘their?’
Oh, Goood, do not get me started.
irregardless
I must break you.
The sayings “head over heels” and “have your cake and eat it, too” are also reversed from their original order and meaning, but very few people realize it.
It’s so “annoying”.
So how do you do *air quotes* then Yoto?
In my studies I gathered that one would ^air quote^ in such a manner.
The correct way, obviously.
This way.
Oh god, viewing that was painful.
Is Billie sure that Sal’s even in the room? Cause she just got up herself.
Billie and Sal have been friends since they were kids. She can just sense her presence now.
Billie can obviously sense the aura of bad-assery that emanates off of Sal
So Sal’s a bad-ass, Walky’s a wise-ass, and Billie is drunk-off-her-ass.
And Mike is just an Ass.
No, Mike is an ass-kicker.
That aura smells of cheap beer and cigarettes.
Cheap Weed and Applesauce.
Or Sal snores. She snores rock n’ roll.
Yngwie Malmsteen is suing her snores for copyright infringement.
When she has sinus problems, it’s more Steve Vai.
Yngwie FTW!!
Her sinuses have UNLEASHED THE FUCKING FURY
They both have a top bunk. Are you suggesting that Billie isn’t awake enough to look around until after she’s on the floor?
I want more hair down Billie.
And I love her eyes in this strip their beautiful.
Hey maybe she was at the roller derby it was a long night.
yeah, i could readily believe the shared six-pack was a way to wind down afterward.
They had to pick Malaya up from somewhere.
And spend the rest of the night wondering why they bothered.
Impossible! Then Billie would have to admit that Sal’s life is more interesting than her own!
If this was about 3 or 4 years ago, I would have made a joke about her smooshing his face into hers.
My, how things change.
I think Billie should smoosh Walky’s face into hers.
I think Walky should accidentally smoosh Billie’s face into Sal’s.
I think they should all smoosh faces until they become a large blob of face goo.
DAMNIT someone beat me to the joke!
ie 3-4 days
Eh, I still ship it.
“Sis please you got to tell me that when we were kids our mom DID NOT! Take us to a talent agency because if you don’t I’m jumping off the nearest building.
“Why do ya think Ah’ve been jumpin’ outta windows mah’ whole life?”
“Ya’ll can use our window. Ah find if you veer right you can shimmy down the tree no problem.”
I love this cast so much.
I don’t really think I hate anyone in it. Well, Blaine, but I am supposed to. Dina might be my least favorite character who is not intentionally odious, or Mike, but I love them, too, I just love the others more.
You’ve amassed a fun cast, Mr. Willis!
“Why Won’t Your Stupid Face Stop Wise-Assering” would be a great title for this particular volume of DoA.
hmmmmm
I wanted an Amazi-Girl quote, but this might do if I decide I don’t like how that one turns out.
You could always save this one for the title of your memoir.
I thought that would be called “FAAAAAAACE: How one stupid word immortalized me forever like those Calvin peeing decals”
I would think Willis would prefer to title his memoirs “Batman Can Breathe in Space: the Misadventures of a Highly Opinionated Webcomic Artist”. And Dave, my agent is totally willing to discuss royalties. (I talked Skids into being my agent should I manage to sell my own memoirs of my time on the Lost Light.)
Cranky and hungover Billie is best Billie.
But have you seen TOPLESS Billie?
Yes, thanks to R24.
Thanks to you I just ended up reading a comment accusing Roz of being an author self-insert.
I hope I see her in a future Slipshine comic.
Cranky, hungover, AND topless Billie. Search your feelings; you know it to be true.
Ah, Star Wars quotes – they never get old. But I start feeling old when I hear or read them, sometimes.
Cranky, hungover and topless is no way to go through life Billie.
Much better to just be topless.
Well that’s a silly comic. I like it.
Fifth panel Walky becomes Clayface.
Hungover Billie is hung over…
Hung over Billie is not that different from regular Billie.
Well, yes she is, she’s about a half-order of magnitude worse than regular Billie.
And she’s not wearing her glasses.
join me link and I will make your face the greatest in Koradai.
Nice to see Billie doing the Margo.
Classic
Billie, I think the issue is less about his face and more about his voice. Find a way to gag him and the wise assing will surely cease.
Just rip out his tongue, I’m sure that’ll do it
Present it to Ruth as a token of affection.
Femurs are also an acceptable offering.
*billie strangles walky* “gawd, even your DEATH RATTLE is annoying!”
Could be worse.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMvFo4cd02o
(Twitch) Gads, that’s horrible.
Not even the worst example of it I could find, either. Never say I didn’t do anything for you.
Rip out his tongue with your tongue.
Hey I’m a smart-asserer too can I get some of that.
I don’t think even Billie has a sharp enough tongue for that.
See what I did there?
…Point out an obvious pun? 😉
No, making an obvious pun and THEN pointing it out! :DDD
Are roller derbies still a thing? I’d cover that up too.
More like coming back into mainstream, thanks to certain crime dramas.
Yes! There’s probably a team near you. Here’s the WFTDA (Women’s Flat Track Derby Association) league lookup: http://wftda.com/leagues.
There are ads for the local roller derby team on the MAX trains in Portland, Oregon.
I never even knew they were a thing until DoA introduced the term to me. And up until I googled it a moment ago, I was content with inferring that it involved roller skates.
You mean it doesn’t??
I’m old enough to remember roller derby on regional TV back in the 1960s, and the Raquel Welch movie (“Kansas City Bomber”) that it inspired. Incidentally, I believe that the ’11’ on Malaya’s shirt is in homage to this movie, as Raquel Welch’s character also wore #11 in the film.
Malaya first appeared in Shortpacked! in 2011.
Yup, I remember Skinny Minnie Miller.
I know two women from two completely different areas of my life and widely separated geographical locations who do roller derby. AND one of their young daughters do, too. Apparently it’s a thing now (again).
My brother is an official derby ref now so I am going to bouts like all the time myself. It is hella fun, I would recommend it.
Wiseassery is like playing a musical instrument, only way to stay good is practice, practice, practice!
Wait, is he there to apologize/talk about the whole parents/race thing? That definitely seems to be the case. Color me intrigued. You may continue the story, Mr. Willis.
Walky doesn’t have his sister’s cell number?
Why would he? He doesn’t really communicate with her. Note that their last conversation was on Saturday evening and it now Tuesday.
Yes, but he never wrote and it’s become irrelevant since they let her out of jail.
boarding school, not jail
It’s “laik prison”
FATALITY
FRIENDSHIP
So many asses.
Wise ass. Smart ass. Dead ass. Weird ass. Fat ass. Skinny Ass. Sachel ass. Dumb ass.
These are all uses that I’ve actually heard people say.
And top it all off with ass hattery.
and they’re all half-assing it
You forgot “nice ass!”
And “that ass”.
And that’s not even getting into the various breeds of donkey you could talk about.
I just realized why Billie thinks “at the roller-derby” is an euphemism. She still thinks Sal fights crime while wearing yellow spandex with a blue cape.
I guess its too late for me to think quickly.
Well, I also didn’t catch that – though in my case it’s just too early to think quickly. It’s 6:48 in the morning around here and I didn’t sleep.
Maybe Amazi-girl is her Roller-Derby Alias.
Quick, Walky! Aim your “weenus” at Billie! That’ll make her day! 😀
It will make her day something, all right.
Well now I know what Willis was talking about on Twitter with favorite panels.
3rd panel:
“Now everyone will know the truth of your ‘divinity.'”
Not quite the same without a giant stone Jaguar mimicking it.
i’m crrrrushing your head
crush crush crush
You should get a prize for an gravatar that displays one of the funniest episodes of television from my childhood.
I’ve been using him as my online identity pretty much ever since he existed, although even before 9/11 calling oneself “Evil Midnight Bomber” on the Net seemed like a bad idea, hence “Lurker.” 🙂
What Lurks At Midnight!
Exactly 🙂
Yay, fellow Kids in the Hall fan.
All I can think of is “Billie the mountain”.
So – next page there’s the off-panel sound of an exploding melon?
The Mountain That Drinks?
awesomeface
What about Ethel?
Billie was a mountain!
Ruth was the RA lurking over her shoulder!
(That was actually my first reaction, but then I figured with the face-crushing and all it was probably meant to be a Game of Thrones ref. [insert Howard here])
So who will play Studebacher Hoch?
(Some people said he looked like… Zubin Mehta!
ZUBIN MEHTA!)
Aww, poor Danny. Sal’s probably gonna miss his toturing session
That’s “tutoring” for Sal, “torturing” for Danny. 😉
Seven or eight more fingers will get rid of that face’s wise-assery.
Wise-assery is the best super-power though.
In a past life, Billie was a face-hugger
“Definitely not caused by a lack of fingers.” There is an innuendo there somewhere but I can’t quite put my – ahahaha – finger on it.
…Why does Walky think a roller derby would need to be covered up? It’s a perfectly legal sport.
“Legal” and “something you’d willingly admit to doing” aren’t the same thing.
Billie just can’t keep her hands off Walky.
How does Walky know “At the Roller Derby” isn’t a euphemism?
Billie, no! That’s not how you do a Vulcan mind meld! Your fingers are in the wrong spots!
I ship these two.
Oh, right. Billie still thinks Sal is Amazi-Girl.
Are we far enough in to the semester for anyone to consciously decide a high school friendship has not survived the move? That happened to me and I have NO idea why I thought of it after reading today’s strip…
Well, if Day 1 was “far enough,” I’d say yes. (Though it’s likely that Billie never considered him a friend to begin with.)
Aw, Billie just insults and abuses Walky to cover up the fact that she wants to bang him silly.
(I find it explains a lot about Billie’s behaviour if you assume that this holds true regardless of what other person’s name you stick in that sentence. Sal? Yep. Ruth? Definitely. Danny? He’s a total nerd, but he said she was a pretty cheerleader! Joyce? It’s okay, everyone’s a little bicurious! Sarah? Resolving interpersonal conflict with trips to Bone City! Howard? … Okay, maybe it doesn’t always work.)
Look, Billie doesn’t [i]actually[/i] want to bone Howard, but he does look a bit like Ruth if she takes off her gasses…
Fuck… mixed up BBcode and HTML formatting… ^_^;
and spelling “glasses”.
Just sayin’.
*groan*
…can’t do anything right.
Billie and Walky didn’t have a highschool friendship. They had a pre-high school friendship that went sour in high school when Billie became a popular bongo and Walky is trying to reconnect with her now that she’s lost her posse of popular bongoes.
Wouldn’t you think that Walky knows Sal’s friends and what she does when she goes out? Wouldn’t he know what Roller Derby really means?
He hasn’t seen her in years. And they don’t talk much now.
Of course Billie thinks that Sal is Amazi girl. I should lay off the mind crippling cocaine.
We need a Walky versus Faz face-off, for Dorothy’s love and affection. That and we need more Faz, you can never have too much Faz. Are Danny and Sal going to get together?
Still shipping Faz and Dina – and still no clue how to name the ship.
Aww, Billie isn’t doing very well.
Poor Billie! 🙁