Agreed! 1 Sandwich FOR sex… (with her best looking friend) and one after (with a multi-meat & veggie heated sub with 6 Italian cheeses and the vinegar/oil sub squirt with misc spices)!!
It’s college. I lost my virginity to a lesbian. Being confused about your orientation and sticking your parts in the nearest available squishy hole is how freshman year works.
How did you convince the lesbian that it was a good idea to stick some part of you into her nearest available squishy hole? Was she confused about being a lesbian?
And man, I need to redo college. I got it all wrong.
90 degrees is significant by any sensible measure. It’s the difference between driving right through the intersection and making a left turn into oncoming traffic.
Hmm that could be a problem. A bunch of original fans, in their 60s, sitting around hoping that two freshman girls kiss. Dirty old men (and women, in some cases)!
He’s gay. You know he’s gay. If you want to explore sexuality you should apologize to Joe and try that again instead of making up some romanticized fantasy about turning a guy with your pureness and being rewarded with sex and everlasting devotion.
Except she doesn’t want to explore sexuality, that’s the whole point of their relationship. She doesn’t want premarital hanky-panky, and feels that these lustful thoughts are sinful, so someone like Ethan is safe for now.
That’s not to say she isn’t going to have lustful thoughts, but she doesn’t want them or to act on them.
In addition, Joe would probably be the worse option for her, seeing as currently, he is a player character that is mostly looking for a sexual relationship. If she forced herself into a relationship with Joe, I think she would be worse off because in addition to trying to supress her own feelings, she would have to deal with Joe’s, which would be harmful for the both of them. It might be wrong for Joyce to be with Ethan, but atleast she is afforded an outlet to explore her feelings where she feels safe.
When I saw you for the first time (first time)
My knees began to quiver (quiver)
And I got a funny feeling (feeling)
In my kidneys and my liver (digestive system baby)
My hands they started shakin’ (shakin’)
My heart began a-thumpin’ (boom, boom, boom)
My breakfast left my body (huey, huey, huey
Now darling tell me something
Joyce does a great meltdown even when she is not having a meltdown…or is she? Wth is she doing?
She has been so totally up and down these past few weeks it’s like a roller coaster just watching her mood swings.
If she doesn’t get a good whambamthankyoumam soon, she’s going to explode. Then again, she will probably explode if she does.
…ugh, do I really have to sign up for a wordpress account to get a gravatar? I already cropped and saved the pic and all … but I have no use for a WP account and it’s just yet another thing that links back to my email account and whose password I’ll forget…
And the amount of trust I place in another person or system to hold things that belong solely in my brain is the square root of minus zero. It’s bad enough having to transmit them across the internet, but, needs must…
(Not written down or stored in a file anywhere … I might, when I get round to drawing up a will, put them on an old 8mb SD card glued to the bottom of the page, with instructions on what account each one is tied to and how to “close” each one… well, at least, the accounts I care about and can remember, that is. I’ve gone way beyond the point of “not remembering every password”, through “not remembering every user name”, and right into the realm of “landing on a website and not being able to recall if I HAVE an account with it already or not”. I’m sure I had a gravatar before, and it didn’t need a WP account then; nowadays, when everything is tied into facebook – that hive of surveilled scum and villany, but reasonable password security all the same – why can’t that be an option?)
Joyce, honey, you need to clear your head. All of this turmoil has you pingponging all over the place emotionally. Maybe your boyfriend could give you a backrub? No, I think that might end poorly. I hear you can really clear your head by having a…even worse idea, sorry. I tend to think less when I’m dru- sorry, you’re not Billie.
Meditation. I know it’s from a different religion, but I think your answer is meditation. Alone. After a cold shower.
Right now she isn’t much good, but I’m sure she’ll eventually come around. The whole purpose of a character arc is to change them, right? Perhaps this one will eventually lead to a more enlightened and aware Joyce that’ll learn to accept reality.
Well,… In the previous Universe,.. he could sex his female friends if he chose to,.. enjoying it somewhat while driving them up the wall and across the ceiling.
I have no clue whether he can here,.. but based on his actions so far,.. if she tried to jump his bones – he wouldn’t turn her away.
Which brings up the question for me of “Bi-sexual” which in my past self-definition just meant that the person can take it however they can get it,…
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You know he’s gay, Joyce; what did you think he had in mind?
Some intense snuggling?
Extreeeeeeeme snuggling.
With a slight chance of fucking against a wall.
Snuggling so hardcore he’ll snuggle right into your SOUL.
With his penis.
I hope he has Fritz The Cat on DVD!!
Never saw that one, but Wizards is one of my favorites.
in her FAAAAACE
With sunglasses and skateboards and mountain dew and doritos.
(and subs)
She also thinks she can fix him. So clearly she thinks at some point he’ll want to bone her. With his thing. On her tummy.
Aaaalllllll over her tummy.
Well, obviously she doesn’t know how sex works, but the tummy actually is an erogenous zone, or at least parts of it are.
Nothing gets a man in the mood quite like a woman bringing him a sandwich.
Agreed! 1 Sandwich FOR sex… (with her best looking friend) and one after (with a multi-meat & veggie heated sub with 6 Italian cheeses and the vinegar/oil sub squirt with misc spices)!!
AWESOME!
You appear to have your sex life planned down to the detail.
Really? The sandwich joke? It really isn’t at all funny.
Subjective humor: how does it work?
…Magnets?
Really? Spiteful overreactions? It really isn’t at all pleasant.
You know what the biggest erogenous zone is? The br-jeez I couldn’t even finish it
Brazilian rainforest?
Well, it certainly qualifies for being pretty big.
I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobie…
Hoo boy, you’re in for a treat!
^_^
They come in pairs.
I was just wondering this, firstly does Joyce understand how how sex works? Secondly does she have the faintest clue how gay sex works?
She could be in for a whole lot of shocks.
Signs point to [i]no[/i] and [i]heck no[/i].
Straight sex: probably not.
Gay sex: They do it with their buts, where the poopy comes from, which is why it’s dirty. They probably teach this at Joyce’s church.
The entire body can be an erogenous zone if you’re doing it right.
It’s not what he had in mind; it’s what she had in mind.
Well, she is meant to be degaying him. Except she can’t handle what a not-gay boyfriend might mean.
This will surely end well!
It’s college. I lost my virginity to a lesbian. Being confused about your orientation and sticking your parts in the nearest available squishy hole is how freshman year works.
How did you convince the lesbian that it was a good idea to stick some part of you into her nearest available squishy hole? Was she confused about being a lesbian?
And man, I need to redo college. I got it all wrong.
I showed her the parts I intended to stick in there and she was intrigued. They’re very good parts, and she wasn’t very good at lesbianing.
I didn’t stick my parts anywhere in college. I feel like I missed out on a lot.
Also, I didn’t start being confused until after college, so clearly I messed that one up too.
This. http://youtu.be/HFmeURLVtKM
Girl please, nobody’s that gay. ~ Ray Gillete from Archer
Orange today huh?
Just peachy. Thanks for asking.
Joyce and Ethan make an interesting Pear.
Are these fruit puns anything to do with the fact that at least one of them is gay? 😀
Don’t explain the joke, Plasma Mongoose.
It was that or inserting a kumquat in this lineup.
Inserting a kumquat sounds painful.
Not as bad as inserting a pineapple would be.
Thank you so much, Plas, for making me think of Adam Sandler.
Just make sure you lube up before insertion.
I’ve seen a pineapple done! Google search for Isabelle! Back door pineapple!
In Soviet Russia, pineapple…. um, oh – just search it! You’ll see what the pineapple does!
I really don’t want to know what the pineapple does tbh.
Interesting fact I heard somewhere: if you eat too many pineapples, they start digesting you.
Is that what pineapple do in Soviet Russia?
Google search for
I stopped right there.
Well, we know they can’t elope.
Stop dole-ing out the puns, guys.
Are you kidding? These puns are grape!
Well, let’s just say one of them will be in “dis-pear”.
Joyce has nice melons.. *sigh*….Fuck..sorry guys
What,her Melons?
That’s the last Straw,berry.
Hopefully this won’t end with the two falling into the lust pit.
What happens if they guava way?
Someone’s gonna kumquat
Cherries get popped. HOW did you guys not get that one?!
Common euphemisms that happen to be about fruit don’t really fit in a pun roll. Now lettuce continue.
But orange you glad he tried?
Still, something tells me they’re not going to mate-o anytime soon.
If the melons gag is ok, then so is the cherry popping one.
But you were on a roll,
and we haven’t even got to the buns yet.
Batter up!
Her face was as purple as those nipples in her dream were.
…I…Those colors are pretty far on the color wheel, Orange and Purple.
Depending on the shades of the orange and purple, somewhere between 90 and 150 degrees difference.
I was looking at the second panel. I think I stretched for that.
90 degrees is significant by any sensible measure. It’s the difference between driving right through the intersection and making a left turn into oncoming traffic.
Hmm…excitement, or soul-crushing dismay? Hard to tell with this one.
Given her orange hue in panel 3, I’m thinking either Oompa Loompa or too many carrots…
Joyce gets nervous when confronted with her feelings about cartoons
It’s that pesky PSL rearing its naughty head again.
So? Some of us got our first crush on a cartoon character.
You too?
Yes.
My first one was on Kimberly, the Pink Power Ranger, though I did have many animated ones growing up.
And me, first it was the girl in the Frosty the Snowman cartoon, later it was Babs Bunny.
Joyce’s dreams (nightmares) of Ethan sexy-times are crushed again
Who will rub her tummy now!?
Mike will rub her tummy. Rectally.
For a nickel.
I don’t think she wants it there.
Mike puts it wherever you don’t want it.
“put it anywhere you want.”
So mike puts it in your mom.
I fucked it up and put it in the wrong place first
But they’re not just cartoons. They’re etchings of cartoons.
How long before Joyce explodes in a hedonistic frenzy? You know she has a history of it (at least in another universe). I’m taking bets!
I say six months in. So in about a few decades.
See y’all in yer 40s!
*Few* decades. So 50s or up for me.
Hmm that could be a problem. A bunch of original fans, in their 60s, sitting around hoping that two freshman girls kiss. Dirty old men (and women, in some cases)!
“put it anywhere you want.”
So mike puts it in your mom.
damnit wrong reply
So you accidentally put it in with the dirty old men?
Sweet, only four more years!
WAIT SHIT
So, by the time I sent my kids to college, then?
I give it a dumbing of age week. So, about 6 months.
Facial expressions are golden once again. In one case, almost literally!
I believe that colour is orange, not golden.
Is this gonna be the smurfs thing all over again?
That depends, was the smurfs thing just someone making a joke?
That’s why I said almost. Orange is fairly close to gold and yellow, after all!
Dude, she wants the bazooka.
I apologize in advance for the crassness of my comment.
Apologizing after commenting = not in advance.
😛
Well, it was still in advance of all other comments regarding his original comment. 😉
I’m-a need you to look up what the word “Advance” means.
Right, sorry about that. English isn’t really my native language but without making mistakes, we can’t improve.
He’s just advancing in a different direction, is all!
Lets not confuse the nonnative speaker right now.
Confuse him? Why we do that would?
Thanks Yoda.
@andiemus: I think in yoda-speak it’d be:
“Why that do, we would?”
she wants the bazooka and all the ammunition.
I don’t understand.
You know, “bazooka”.
Is bazooka a euphanism for penis? Is that what you are getting at?
Bazooka… Joe? Is that one of the seventeen newly discovered positions?
She just wants gum.
She wants his stick in her gum…
She wants his ding-a-ling in her fairy cave.
Ya know… bonking… knobbing.
Gum for a nickel?
Only if that gum came from his mother. For a nickel.
Joyce wanted to “watch cartoons” in missionary.
Veggie-tales has never seemed dirtier.
I never trusted that cucumber.
WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!? Ugh, that is possibly the absolute worse cartoon you could have made that joke with.
Bravo.
Thank you. Care for a swig of mind bleach?
Not you, Plasma.
How do you even make vegetables “dirtier” anyways?
With your penis.
He’s gay. You know he’s gay. If you want to explore sexuality you should apologize to Joe and try that again instead of making up some romanticized fantasy about turning a guy with your pureness and being rewarded with sex and everlasting devotion.
She is despicable.
Except she doesn’t want to explore sexuality, that’s the whole point of their relationship. She doesn’t want premarital hanky-panky, and feels that these lustful thoughts are sinful, so someone like Ethan is safe for now.
That’s not to say she isn’t going to have lustful thoughts, but she doesn’t want them or to act on them.
In addition, Joe would probably be the worse option for her, seeing as currently, he is a player character that is mostly looking for a sexual relationship. If she forced herself into a relationship with Joe, I think she would be worse off because in addition to trying to supress her own feelings, she would have to deal with Joe’s, which would be harmful for the both of them. It might be wrong for Joyce to be with Ethan, but atleast she is afforded an outlet to explore her feelings where she feels safe.
She’s not despicable. Her intent isn’t ill. She’s just dumb about certain things.
Well, dumb or not, so far her plan is working perfectly. She has no attainable male on her radar.
What’s this comic called? Smart people make good choices?
An alternate alternate version would have the characters as eldery residents of a nursing home and be called ‘Dumbing with Age’.
(I’m sure I’m not the first person to make this joke).
Methinks they should just go back to Ethans room and stare at Jacob working out
That’s probably not the plan, but considering David’s penchant for drama, it may be what they end up doing.
When I saw you for the first time (first time)
My knees began to quiver (quiver)
And I got a funny feeling (feeling)
In my kidneys and my liver (digestive system baby)
My hands they started shakin’ (shakin’)
My heart began a-thumpin’ (boom, boom, boom)
My breakfast left my body (huey, huey, huey
Now darling tell me something
‘Cause Girl you make me tongue tied (tongue tied)
Tongue tied……
Whenever you are near me (near me)
“Cartoons… about SEX.”
Ah. Anime then. Unless Ethan has a Hentai collection? o_O
…hentai is a type of anime, specifically the pornographic type.
Coincidentally, his collection is all about rubbing phallic objects against stomachs.
I guess, that’s something he could share with Joyce…
he’s still gayer than a chippendale riding a gay pride float in San Francisco Joyce. Its unlikely he’s gonna be the one to suggest that
He may want to get her Mind off. But he’s about to get HER off.
HEEEEEYYY-OOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!!!
ba-dum-tish
JOYCE BRAINWARP!!!
XD
“Ah-buh brrgh buh-buhh.” – Joyce Brown
Next book title, right there. I mean Ruth’s was good, but this?
Womp womp…
Joyce does a great meltdown even when she is not having a meltdown…or is she? Wth is she doing?
She has been so totally up and down these past few weeks it’s like a roller coaster just watching her mood swings.
If she doesn’t get a good whambamthankyoumam soon, she’s going to explode. Then again, she will probably explode if she does.
From the looks of it, I’d say she was taking a dump.
Bow-chicka-wo-cartoons!
How is panel 3 not an avatar yet? How do I fix this?
…ugh, do I really have to sign up for a wordpress account to get a gravatar? I already cropped and saved the pic and all … but I have no use for a WP account and it’s just yet another thing that links back to my email account and whose password I’ll forget…
Get a LastPass account. That’ll keep all your passwords securely for you.
BUT THAT’LL NEED ANOTHER PASSWORD 🙁
And the amount of trust I place in another person or system to hold things that belong solely in my brain is the square root of minus zero. It’s bad enough having to transmit them across the internet, but, needs must…
(Not written down or stored in a file anywhere … I might, when I get round to drawing up a will, put them on an old 8mb SD card glued to the bottom of the page, with instructions on what account each one is tied to and how to “close” each one… well, at least, the accounts I care about and can remember, that is. I’ve gone way beyond the point of “not remembering every password”, through “not remembering every user name”, and right into the realm of “landing on a website and not being able to recall if I HAVE an account with it already or not”. I’m sure I had a gravatar before, and it didn’t need a WP account then; nowadays, when everything is tied into facebook – that hive of surveilled scum and villany, but reasonable password security all the same – why can’t that be an option?)
Thought for a second she was going to blow a gasket!
That might actually turn Ethan on and he’s probably got a Fasket or two up in his room.
A Gasket or two.
This guy
Wow, that’s, uh… I think she actually could.
Judging from the look on his face, he just was. Blown, that is.
Is this the same kind of arglebargle that Scalia warned us about?
Thank goodness he said something to calm her down.
If her head explodes, she won’t help clean it up.
I’m noticing that she wasn’t saying no.
As far as discernible English words go, she wasn’t saying anything…but “no” is certainly among the more significant things that she wasn’t saying.
Somehow I don’t think the Hennessy contains the answers anymore.
Joyce, honey, you need to clear your head. All of this turmoil has you pingponging all over the place emotionally. Maybe your boyfriend could give you a backrub? No, I think that might end poorly. I hear you can really clear your head by having a…even worse idea, sorry. I tend to think less when I’m dru- sorry, you’re not Billie.
Meditation. I know it’s from a different religion, but I think your answer is meditation. Alone. After a cold shower.
She can always pray the Rosary. Mindlessly reciting prayer is a form of meditation as well.
Don’t forget the hair shirt, and possibly the whip.
Guilty horny face is no longer best face. Ah-buh brrgh buh-buhh face is best face! FAAACE.
It’s all about FAAAAACE!
Doomed couple is doomed. xD
Ah Joyce, say hi to your libido 😀
When I first read this, I saw” dildo” not “libido”. Considering the subject matter of most of the posts, that is not surprising.
Hmm, Joyce? Nobody’s face can be that colour. Yes, I mean the colour of your face in the third panel. You should go see a doctor, like, now.
I’m really hoping Joyce implodes in this reality. I liked her elsewhere. Quirky, and eventually admirable. This one? Meh.
Right now she isn’t much good, but I’m sure she’ll eventually come around. The whole purpose of a character arc is to change them, right? Perhaps this one will eventually lead to a more enlightened and aware Joyce that’ll learn to accept reality.
Joyce, your vagina wants to have a word with you. It’s not at all pleased with you.
Well,… In the previous Universe,.. he could sex his female friends if he chose to,.. enjoying it somewhat while driving them up the wall and across the ceiling.
I have no clue whether he can here,.. but based on his actions so far,.. if she tried to jump his bones – he wouldn’t turn her away.
Which brings up the question for me of “Bi-sexual” which in my past self-definition just meant that the person can take it however they can get it,…
Oh you smooth talker you.
Joyce looks remarkably constipated in panel 3.
My word, she turned orange for a second.