There is a word in the english language ‘jigger’ that has 21 meanings, including whisky glass, penis, vagina, bumhole and Ouija board
he shall put his jigger in her jigger
Also used as a term for the hand-pumped forklift substitute used in warehouses to move pallets of stock around. There may be an official term for the thing, but no one I’d ever worked with knew it if so.
There are erotic parts of the Bible, you know… Jews used to have to be 30 before they were allowed to read Song of Solomon (also known as Song of Songs).
Maybe that his male characters have amazingly functional peeni? And that they like to wield their peeni* to alternatively fix and break things on occasion?
*(Still trying to work out the spelling for this phonetically. I’ve just never liked the plural “penises” for some reason.)
Penes works, but in general, the most accepted is penises. The ending of -ii only works for nouns ending in ius. But maybe Joe’s member gets enough use that it is allowed an extra vowel? I don’t know.
I’m kind of ashamed to know the definitive plural of penis.
Wow…. Something about Joe having that smile on his face when he said that… It just feels so creepy! I don’t know why, but he just comes off even more perverted because of how happy he is about his plans.
Joe, I know you’re not into rape, because then we wouldn’t like you, but chances are you will regret joe-ing Joyce, because one way or another, there is no way this can end well.
Google won’t tell me the difference between naif and naive, apart from that naif is apparently a masculine form and is spelled with a weird letter: “naïf”.
I suspect so. Perhaps because of her devoutness, she will start preaching about how immoral it is to do it before marriage. He will counter that he isn’t Christian. This will either lead to her trying to convert him or surprising everyone with a comprehension of other religions in that while Jews don’t find sex shameful or a sin, they also believe in after marriage. If not, he’ll Joe the Joyce out of her. This will spawn anti-Joyce or a broken Joyce ridden with guilt from the pre-marital hanky panky. Either of which complete with Joe feeling bad. Or maybe I’m just whistling dixie out my bum.
What a perfect couple. Each one thinking that he/she can help fix the other’s “little problem” (Joe being a Jew, and Joyce not being a complete women without being banged).
“Did I hear my name in a tender soprano—with my penis?”
“Oh, it’s just you. With my penis.”
“Man, Dan, so many eligible chicks here, and only four years in which to do ‘em with my penis.”
“Are you and Dorothy still a thing? I need to know if I can put her on the ‘do’ list with my penis.”
“So, say, like eight tonight I can put her on the ‘do’ list with my penis?”
“Make that seven thirty. With my penis.”
“You are a moron. With my penis.”
“Wow, Dan, dumped at 7:30 exactly, with my penis.”
“Thought I was pushing it when I moved my prediction up from 8:00, but man, go me. With my penis.”
“Hey, do you subscribe to my ‘Do’ list’s RSS feed, with my penis?”
“Let’s see, Dorothy’s got a respectable rack, but could use a little more booty. Kinda bookish. With my penis.”
“I’ll file her with the sevens, with my penis.”
“Okay, fine, she’s and eight, if you’re gonna get pissy about it. With my penis.”
“Oh, Dan? Yeah, he hasn’t really left his room. I think he must’ve skipped one of his classes this morning, with my penis.”
“Whatever. Dude just needs to get laid, with my penis.”
“I tried to hint at him that things were ending between you two, but he can be a dense little man, with my penis.”
“Eh, maybe we just need to find him some other romantically-codependent foofus to latch on to, with my penis.”
“Yo, hey, Dan. With my penis.”
“Time to get up, with my penis.”
“I let you skip all your classes yesterday, but today is a whole new day. Having a loser, invalid roommate is gonna harsh on my sexy time, with my penis.”
“So suck it up, stop being depressed about some stupid shit, and face the goddamned world like a friggin’ man with my penis!”
“Tell me, Dan, has anyone ever complimented a dude, genuinely, on his peejays? With my penis?”
“Don’t worry, buddy, I’ve got a plan to cheer you up, with my penis.”
“Hey, you’ve known me forever. What am I best at with my penis?”
“We’re gonna go downstairs to the lobby, and I’ll help you find a hot chick who’ll make you forget all about ol’ whats-her-face, with my penis.”
“I have apologized for that with my penis!”
“You’ll see. Hot eligible chicks are just around the corner, with my penis.”
“Two chicks dead ahead. Let me do the talking and follow my lead, with my penis.”
“Hey, I know you! With my penis!”
“Weren’t you in my gender studies class yesterday? It must be you, because I’m getting the same smile on my face. With my penis.”
“Hey, let me introduce you guys to Dan. Dan’s my boy, and he just got out of a three-year relationship that ended ‘cuz he’s really big on commitment, with my penis.”
“Say hi, Dan. With my penis.”
“Here, you two get acquainted while the blonde and I give you some space, with my penis.”
“Wear a condom, with my penis.”
“So, hey, you free tonight, with my penis?”
“O… kay. With… my penis.”
“Uh, not exactly. I’m Jewish. With my penis.”
“Um, sure, why not? With my penis.”
“How long is this thing with my penis?”
“So hey, Dan, you gonna score tonight, with my penis?”
“Okay racist with my penis.”
“Random? No, never random. You’re kind of sexually timid, so I pushed you towards the one who’s had sex before, thus someone who would be more likely to take the initiative with my penis.”
“See, while I chose the one who needs to be broken in, if you catch my drift with my penis.”
“I’m gonna upgrade her from a four to a ten with my penis.”
“I don’t think what’s-her-name will be ready for a threesome for at least a few more dates with my penis.”
“Geez, you talk like I’m gonna rape her or something. That’s not how I get my jollies with my penis.”
“Like you said, she’s inexperienced, she’s that ‘nafe’ thing, and I’m just here to help her along, 100% willingly, to womanhood, with my penis.”
“Not breaking her, fixing her. With my penis.”
“With my penis. With my penis.”
“Oh, Dan? Yeah, he hasn’t really left his room. I think he must’ve skipped one of his classes this morning, with my penis.”
“Whatever. Dude just needs to get laid, with my penis.”
Y’know, everyone seems to think this is super creepy, but I mean, he’s not entirely wrong. He’s PHRASING it in a creepy way, but sometimes sheltered people do need a more experienced partner to help them discover their sexuality. Obviously Joyce is at least a little bit excited and interested, and if he continues to be as honest about his intentions as he has been so far, I think Joe is in a place to do her a lot of good.
Roz in the other universe summed it up. It helps girls to be happy to have dicks in them. So clearly Joe is just trying to be the giving sort that we all know him to be and Joe is nothing if not helpful…with his penis.
I don’t know why, but this just seems like it’s becoming the DoA equivalent of the Transformers Slogan of: Until All are One. I just have this mental image of Optimus Prime saying that in battle.
How do you figure that? She’s saying flat out that what she cares about is a quiet and stable room where she can live in peace. That’s not caring about Joyce, that’s caring only about herself.
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she already knows him so well
He’s serious. He’s going to Joe her with his penis.
Just rename it to his Joe.
Joe is gonna Joe Joyce with his Joe.
But would he Joe her in the butt? Tune in next week!
Not if Mike Mike’s her first
There is a word in the english language ‘jigger’ that has 21 meanings, including whisky glass, penis, vagina, bumhole and Ouija board
he shall put his jigger in her jigger
Also used as a term for the hand-pumped forklift substitute used in warehouses to move pallets of stock around. There may be an official term for the thing, but no one I’d ever worked with knew it if so.
It’s called a pallet jack
Hand truck also works.
Strangely enough, his philosophy will probably lead to more personal growth on Joyce’s part than hers.
Shame our culture is so fixated on the opposite.
PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEnisface
Don’t you mean, Puh-puh-puh-penis Face? Everyone can read his Puh-puh-puh-penis Face. ;p
It’d be funny if Joyce gives him a lecture on the bible so long he can’t get it up.
It’s be the first time something long put a stop to sex! Am I right? High five?
lmfao, nice
“That’s what she–” [Mike nut-kick]
Mike would kill an erection by showing Joe a video of him (Mike) doing Joe’s mom.
Who let The Todd in here?
A filibustered erection? I love it.
Pfhaha. That would be great. I wonder what it would it would do to his mind to be unable to Joe her.
There are erotic parts of the Bible, you know… Jews used to have to be 30 before they were allowed to read Song of Solomon (also known as Song of Songs).
Anyone else think it’s weird Sarah used the word Naif. It’s seems out of character to me. But if I’m the only one I’ll shut up
I don’t see how it is, unless you’re just saying that because she’s black.
It’s because she’s black, isn’t it??
No it’s not because she’s black. I’m saying no one now a days uses the word Naif unless for online role playing game
It didn’t seem out of character to me, if only because she hasn’t really shown much of her character yet.
If anything, her use of the word naif extends what we already know – that she’s fairly well-read, which is part of her whole ‘keeps to herself’ thing.
you make a compelling argument and I commend you
He’s fixing her with his tool.
what else do you do with tools?
If all you have is a penis, everything looks like a vagina.
(Assuming you swing your tool that way, of course.)
See now I’m just envisioning the rise of Anti Joyce.
it could be.
These aren’t The Hammer.
The Hammer is my penis.
Curses, you beat me to it.
Oh my god. Mr Willis your readers are fantastic.
Mike said the same thing. About your mom.
He was being sarcastic. She wasn’t worth the nickel.
RAHR! Joe was the Sex Monster for halloween…
…and 364 other days ever year.
The Hammer is my penis.
Does that make Danny Dr. Horrible…by association or something
You know, Willis, you’re talking about penis a lot these days. Are you trying to reveal us something?
That he has one? I know I’m awfully fond of my as well. It sure is good to be a man some times.
As always, the auto-avatars make everything funnier.
Yes. Yes they do.
Maybe that his male characters have amazingly functional peeni? And that they like to wield their peeni* to alternatively fix and break things on occasion?
*(Still trying to work out the spelling for this phonetically. I’ve just never liked the plural “penises” for some reason.)
Try penii or penes.
Penes works, but in general, the most accepted is penises. The ending of -ii only works for nouns ending in ius. But maybe Joe’s member gets enough use that it is allowed an extra vowel? I don’t know.
I’m kind of ashamed to know the definitive plural of penis.
Maybe he has a penius maximus.
I like penii (er…the spelling of it anyway! THE SPELLING!). I think using penes would just ruin the pasta of a similar spelling for me forever.
Penii would be the plural of penius.
I don’t know any man with a penius.
Plenty with penes, however.
Penes and penises are both valid (as is the case with most borrowings). Penii, not.
Does that make penes the new duct tape?
Wow…. Something about Joe having that smile on his face when he said that… It just feels so creepy! I don’t know why, but he just comes off even more perverted because of how happy he is about his plans.
Joe, I know you’re not into rape, because then we wouldn’t like you, but chances are you will regret joe-ing Joyce, because one way or another, there is no way this can end well.
Agreed.
quite so
…with my penis.
Does Joe even know what “naif” means?
Nope – he misspelled it in the speech bubble, demonstrating unfamiliarity (and possibly mispronunciation, three seconds after hearing it.)
Can someone tell me what a Naif is?
Your name links to a domain that could tell you!
Thanks, not sure why I didn’t do that in the first place.
Google won’t tell me the difference between naif and naive, apart from that naif is apparently a masculine form and is spelled with a weird letter: “naïf”.
I am genuinely disturbed by Joe’s looking to violate Joyce due to my inexplicable adoration of Earth 2 Joyce.
…
Joe, fixing girls one (possible 2 or even 3) at a time……. with his penis.
With his penis?
With his penis.
Sarah will regret her sex monster comment when Joe sprouts tentacles.
Well, she is very religous, so maybe he can convince her she’s being annointed by his holy rod and staff?
you’ve should read “putting the devil back in hell.” Now there is a horrible way to get a religious girl to sleep with you. Horrible but very funny.
Somehow I think Joeing her will be harder than Joe is thinking here.
I suspect so. Perhaps because of her devoutness, she will start preaching about how immoral it is to do it before marriage. He will counter that he isn’t Christian. This will either lead to her trying to convert him or surprising everyone with a comprehension of other religions in that while Jews don’t find sex shameful or a sin, they also believe in after marriage. If not, he’ll Joe the Joyce out of her. This will spawn anti-Joyce or a broken Joyce ridden with guilt from the pre-marital hanky panky. Either of which complete with Joe feeling bad. Or maybe I’m just whistling dixie out my bum.
I suspect Joyce will be the one doing the “fixing” here 😉
What a perfect couple. Each one thinking that he/she can help fix the other’s “little problem” (Joe being a Jew, and Joyce not being a complete women without being banged).
Yay, I like this couple too.
……
>.> <.<
(runs to hide behind something)
Ah, Joe. You never cease to make me chuckle.
to paraphrase “A Softer World” http://www.asofterworld.com/index.php?id=491
“My Penis; The only scientific instrument I know how to play.”
The title of todays Shortpacked is Dicks. Right after a honeymoon it seems a strange thing to be thinking about.
I resent the new poll. I’m 16 but I know what a BBS is.
Also, I <3 Sarah now.
Hey, you’ll come in useful whenever someone claims that Amber can’t possibly know what one is, being 18. Sweet.
Same here! Yay!
PEEEEENNNIIIIISSSS, it’s the new FAAAAACCCCEEE.
Really, it’s fun to imagine all of Joe’s dialogue ending with the phrase “with my penis”.
“…Face the goddamned world like a friggin’ man… with my penis.”
Now I shall compile a list of everything (DoA) Joe has ever said, with the phrase “with my penis” attached.
“Did I hear my name in a tender soprano—with my penis?”
“Oh, it’s just you. With my penis.”
“Man, Dan, so many eligible chicks here, and only four years in which to do ‘em with my penis.”
“Are you and Dorothy still a thing? I need to know if I can put her on the ‘do’ list with my penis.”
“So, say, like eight tonight I can put her on the ‘do’ list with my penis?”
“Make that seven thirty. With my penis.”
“You are a moron. With my penis.”
“Wow, Dan, dumped at 7:30 exactly, with my penis.”
“Thought I was pushing it when I moved my prediction up from 8:00, but man, go me. With my penis.”
“Hey, do you subscribe to my ‘Do’ list’s RSS feed, with my penis?”
“Let’s see, Dorothy’s got a respectable rack, but could use a little more booty. Kinda bookish. With my penis.”
“I’ll file her with the sevens, with my penis.”
“Okay, fine, she’s and eight, if you’re gonna get pissy about it. With my penis.”
“Oh, Dan? Yeah, he hasn’t really left his room. I think he must’ve skipped one of his classes this morning, with my penis.”
“Whatever. Dude just needs to get laid, with my penis.”
“I tried to hint at him that things were ending between you two, but he can be a dense little man, with my penis.”
“Eh, maybe we just need to find him some other romantically-codependent foofus to latch on to, with my penis.”
“Yo, hey, Dan. With my penis.”
“Time to get up, with my penis.”
“I let you skip all your classes yesterday, but today is a whole new day. Having a loser, invalid roommate is gonna harsh on my sexy time, with my penis.”
“So suck it up, stop being depressed about some stupid shit, and face the goddamned world like a friggin’ man with my penis!”
“Tell me, Dan, has anyone ever complimented a dude, genuinely, on his peejays? With my penis?”
“Don’t worry, buddy, I’ve got a plan to cheer you up, with my penis.”
“Hey, you’ve known me forever. What am I best at with my penis?”
“We’re gonna go downstairs to the lobby, and I’ll help you find a hot chick who’ll make you forget all about ol’ whats-her-face, with my penis.”
“I have apologized for that with my penis!”
“You’ll see. Hot eligible chicks are just around the corner, with my penis.”
“Two chicks dead ahead. Let me do the talking and follow my lead, with my penis.”
“Hey, I know you! With my penis!”
“Weren’t you in my gender studies class yesterday? It must be you, because I’m getting the same smile on my face. With my penis.”
“Hey, let me introduce you guys to Dan. Dan’s my boy, and he just got out of a three-year relationship that ended ‘cuz he’s really big on commitment, with my penis.”
“Say hi, Dan. With my penis.”
“Here, you two get acquainted while the blonde and I give you some space, with my penis.”
“Wear a condom, with my penis.”
“So, hey, you free tonight, with my penis?”
“O… kay. With… my penis.”
“Uh, not exactly. I’m Jewish. With my penis.”
“Um, sure, why not? With my penis.”
“How long is this thing with my penis?”
“So hey, Dan, you gonna score tonight, with my penis?”
“Okay racist with my penis.”
“Random? No, never random. You’re kind of sexually timid, so I pushed you towards the one who’s had sex before, thus someone who would be more likely to take the initiative with my penis.”
“See, while I chose the one who needs to be broken in, if you catch my drift with my penis.”
“I’m gonna upgrade her from a four to a ten with my penis.”
“I don’t think what’s-her-name will be ready for a threesome for at least a few more dates with my penis.”
“Geez, you talk like I’m gonna rape her or something. That’s not how I get my jollies with my penis.”
“Like you said, she’s inexperienced, she’s that ‘nafe’ thing, and I’m just here to help her along, 100% willingly, to womanhood, with my penis.”
“Not breaking her, fixing her. With my penis.”
“With my penis. With my penis.”
Mon Capitain (for I know not your gender),
You have made me laugh so hard I am crying.
Thank you.
Feck….. it’s like the goddamn fortune cookie ‘in bed’ rule….
i’m gonna laugh so hard i cry. this page is one i’m bookmarking, just to read what you’ve posted oh captain my captainswift
Gosh, thanks folks. Technically, I just took somebody else’s idea and ran with it, but I’m glad the work was appreciated.
I kinda want “With my penis. With my penis.” on a t-shirt
If it weren’t, you know, horribly inappropriate.
…with my penis.
To reiterate:
“Oh, Dan? Yeah, he hasn’t really left his room. I think he must’ve skipped one of his classes this morning, with my penis.”
“Whatever. Dude just needs to get laid, with my penis.”
“I have apologized for that with my penis!”
My favorite: “I have apologized for that with my penis!”
Considering he said that to Danny, that really would bring up some interesting aspects about their friendship…
I have to say, I really, really disapprove of Joyce/Joe.
Alot.
with you penis?
with his penis
You don’t actually think a real relationship is going to come of it do you?
And…
with his penis.
No, but I still disapprove. With my pee-nice.
Y’know, everyone seems to think this is super creepy, but I mean, he’s not entirely wrong. He’s PHRASING it in a creepy way, but sometimes sheltered people do need a more experienced partner to help them discover their sexuality. Obviously Joyce is at least a little bit excited and interested, and if he continues to be as honest about his intentions as he has been so far, I think Joe is in a place to do her a lot of good.
With his penis.
I notice a lot of what Joe says is ‘accurate analysis of the psychology of the situation, filtered through creepy misogyny’.
The Hammer is my Penis.
with my penis
is the new FAAAAAACE
indeed it is with my penis.
Your FAAAAAACE is with your Penis?
I’m not sure if that’s creepy or impressive, with my penis.
Roz in the other universe summed it up. It helps girls to be happy to have dicks in them. So clearly Joe is just trying to be the giving sort that we all know him to be and Joe is nothing if not helpful…with his penis.
I still think it’s cake in his hand that we can see. I wish I had a better food shot this strip.
He just wants to reach out and help her into womanhood with his PENIS is that so wrong to want to touch someones life with your penis? T___T
With his penis.
Just that sentence alone is worth COUNTLESS hours of amusement.
With his Penis.
I don’t know why, but this just seems like it’s becoming the DoA equivalent of the Transformers Slogan of: Until All are One. I just have this mental image of Optimus Prime saying that in battle.
ROLL OUT (With our penises)
Joe and Joyce on a date: Sweet outing with dinner, a movie and a good night kiss, or the relationship equivalent of a trainwreck?
No, wait, this is Willis. He could be planning both.
With his penis.
I like this Sarah a lot more than the one in roomies. She’s at least protective of Joyce.
Awww. Sarah already cares about Joyce.
How do you figure that? She’s saying flat out that what she cares about is a quiet and stable room where she can live in peace. That’s not caring about Joyce, that’s caring only about herself.
Sex monster? who told you…
Joe says that as if it’s completely normal
AND ON THIS DAY, A MEME WAS BORN
with his penis